5 Relationship and Marriage Lessons from Abraham and Sarah

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told through some chapters of the early part of Genesis. It doesn't dwell much on their early stages of marriage but on their later stages of their lives and their marriage. Abraham was a committed servant of God who served, respected and honored God with everything He had all his life. Sarah was his precious wife, who had to go through the rigour and heart breaks, fights and disagreements that might have arose with her inability to bear a child for her husband. We can imagine people calling Sarah "barren", "witch", and other kinds of names. You can also imagine nights so quiet that the couple most especially Sarah had to cry themselves to sleep, for the lack of the voice of a child to fill in the silence. Still, they both continuously served God and obeyed Him. Continuously because if Abraham was the only one serving God without Sarah's support, there would have most likely been problems. Their story includes a time where Sarah and given up on her ability to have children thus, decided to give her slave Hagar as a wife to Abraham with the hope of helping God fulfill His promise of making Abraham a father to.many descendants. The union brought forth Ismael, a son whom God promised greatness because he was Abraham's seed. In our study for today, the story continues to talk about God's promise of a son to Abraham when he was 99 and Sarah was 90.

It was during this encounter God changed both names from Abram to Abraham and from Sarai to Sarah.. covenant names, a signal/proof of God's covenant to them. Their story continues with Abraham and lot his relative parting ways because of disagreements. Then comes Abraham's decision alongside Sarah to lie to Abimelech a king with the fear that he would kill Abraham to take Sarah. Sarah was beautiful even up to their old age - such beauty a king will take interest in her. Abraham and Sarah decides on saying half truth about Sarah being Abraham's sister (she was his half sister - fathered by same person but with different mothers ) and this made Abimelech decide to take Sarah as his wife. Of course God wouldn't accept that and makes it known to the king who finally learns his lesson. Sarah finally is able to conceive and gives birth to Isaac in her old age.

 

That said, here are a few relationship and marriage lessons from the life and marriage of Abraham and Sarah.

Lessons from Abraham and Sarah

1. Marriage is not a Bed of Roses

There are times where disagreements, arguments, fights and different things will come up. At that point it is important to remember that your partner is your team member and not your enermy and work together to make things work.

 

2. Abraham and Sarah worked together. 

We see that in the story that involves the king. It wasn't a good thing to lie but it shows their level of understanding with each other (although you grow in understanding and love)

 

3. It is important to know God's thoughts about a particular situation concerning your relationship and your marriage individually and collectively as it helps to stand firm and hold unto something when all hope is lost.

 

4. Abraham always consoled Sarah, helping her understand that the Creator has plans and that  whatever He says comes to pass.

Relationship Lessons from Elkanah and Hannah

In every godly relationship, one tough issue for both partners to agree on or make a compromise on is the question: "What if I can't have children?"

Children are regarded as a blessing of marriage and a significance that such marriage has blossomed and that both the wife and husband has performed their duty right. In countries like Nigeria, having children is a big deal to most people and parents often look forward to getting to meet and nurture their grandchildren before the call from the Creator. Some families have issues and are going through a hard time these days with the issue of not having children. Pressures from in-laws, the society and even from within leaves a woman broken at heart, emotionally disturbed, and could affect some women's performance in their day to day activities. Lack  of children causes issues  sometimes between the couples and fights, disagreements,  shouts and pleas for patience is often heard in such  homes. Blame games are always on and the truth never comes out till tests are taken (and it's discovered that it's the man that can't actually have children).

Marriage vows are deeper than what we just see on the surface, some people take these vows with no intention to keep them. When you promise that special someone to always be with such person for better for worse, in sickness and in health, in riches and in lack, the gravity of those words come to play when real life situations occur. Thus, this vows should be taken with the conciousness that those times where things ain't rousy will come. Might not be a delay in child birth, it could be anyother thing. The question is, would you still see that special someone as "special" when life throws big issues at you? Therefore, don't go into marriage because you are being forced or because everyone around you is getting married. Vows are made to be thought about deeply and to be kept sacredly.

Today, we are looking into the lives of a couple who was faced with one of life's challenges as regards to marriage. Although, Elkanah had a polygamous home, he had a wife (Pelinah) who gave birth to children for him, but Hannah His beloved didn't have children. And just like typical rivals, Pelinah was a thorn in Hannah's delicate flesh, delibrately stepping on her toes where it hurt most up to the point the Hannah broke down and couldn't eat (and i can imagine one of Pelinahs children innocently asking Hannah if she wasn't interested in her meal so he or she could devour it). Elkanah loved Hannah so much and although he couldn't give Hannah as much as he gave Pelinah (cos she needed it more), he wanted Hannah to be happy, he even asked her if he wasn't more valuable than ten sons. Although, Elkanah loved Hannah so much, it didn't dispute the fact that the voices of young babes would fill the void Hannah felt deep within her.

Elkanah could have as well added to Hannah's sorrows by concentrating on Pelinah the mother of his children but he didn't.

The truth is marriage is never a bed of roses and having a great marriage takes a whole lot of hard work which starts from courtship. Conflicts would arise but it depends on if we are ready to stay put with the person we claim to love so much or if we decide to run at the slightest show of conflict. Love isn't enough but it goes a long way in making things work especially if it is true, unconditional and without boundaries. We can't always run from conflicts and challenges therefore whatever we are going through, (relationship wise, academics, finances, looking for jobs, admission issues, whatever) lets ask for strength from God to scale through the challenge and let's ask that God opens our eyes to lessons we are to learn. God wouldn't have promised us His strength when we are weak if He wasn't ready to help us and He wouldn't have promised us His Spirit if He wanted us to walk through life alone.

Lastly, let's remember that delay doesn't necessarily mean denial. Hannah was delayed only to give birth to a prophet who was known and is still known throughout the history of Israel. He was used by God greatly and I'm sure his parents were proud of him.

Think about it: of all Pelinahs children, who among them did half the things Samuel did? Did any of their names come up in the bible at all?

Compatibility in Relationships: Lessons from the Marriage of Nabal and Abigail

Compatibility in relationships is necessary factor as it makes or mars every relationship.God understood this at creation and that is why He made the woman for Adam as he could not find a suitable mate amongst all that was already made.

According to 1st Samuel 25:2, there was a wealthy man named Nabal from Maon who owned property near the town of Carmel. His wife, Abigail, was a sensible and beautiful woman. But Nabal, a descendant of Caleb, was crude and mean in all his dealings.

When David heard that Nabal was shearing his sheep, he sent ten of his young men to Nabal asking him to share any provisions with them,considering the help his men had rendered to him previously. But Nabal refused and sneered to the young men asking “Who is this fellow David?”. “Who does this son of Jesse think he is? There are lots of servants these days who run away from their masters. Should I take my bread and my water and my meat that I’ve slaughtered for my shearers and give it to a band of outlaws who come from who knows where?”

 

So David’s young men returned and told him what Nabal had said. 13 “Get your swords!” was David’s reply as he strapped on his own. Then 400 men started off with David, and 200 remained behind to guard their equipment. Meanwhile, one of Nabal’s servants went to Abigail and told her, “David sent messengers from the wilderness to greet our master, but he screamed insults at them. 15 These men have been very good to us, and we never suffered any harm from them. Nothing was stolen from us the whole time they were with us. 16 In fact, day and night they were like a wall of protection to us and the sheep. 17 You need to know this and figure out what to do, for there is going to be trouble for our master and his whole family. He’s so ill-tempered that no one can even talk to him!”

18 Abigail wasted no time. She quickly gathered 200 loaves of bread, two wineskins full of wine, five sheep that had been slaughtered, nearly a bushel of roasted grain, 100 clusters of raisins, and 200 fig cakes. She packed them on donkeys 19 and said to her servants, “Go on ahead. I will follow you shortly.” But she didn’t tell her husband Nabal what she was doing.

20 As she was riding her donkey into a mountain ravine, she saw David and his men coming toward her. 21 David had just been saying, “A lot of good it did to help this fellow. We protected his flocks in the wilderness, and nothing he owned was lost or stolen. But he has repaid me evil for good. 22 May God strike me and kill me if even one man of his household is still alive tomorrow morning!”

Abigail Intercedes for Nabal

23 When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed low before him. 24 She fell at his feet and said, “I accept all blame in this matter, my lord. Please listen to what I have to say. 25 I know Nabal is a wicked and ill-tempered man; please don’t pay any attention to him. He is a fool, just as his name suggests. But I never even saw the young men you sent.

26 “Now, my lord, as surely as the Lord lives and you yourself live, since the Lord has kept you from murdering and taking vengeance into your own hands, let all your enemies and those who try to harm you be as cursed as Nabal is. 27 And here is a present that I, your servant, have brought to you and your young men. 28 Please forgive me if I have offended you in any way. The Lord will surely reward you with a lasting dynasty, for you are fighting the Lord’s battles. And you have not done wrong throughout your entire life.

29 “Even when you are chased by those who seek to kill you, your life is safe in the care of the Lord your God, secure in his treasure pouch! But the lives of your enemies will disappear like stones shot from a sling! 30 When the Lord has done all he promised and has made you leader of Israel, 31 don’t let this be a blemish on your record. Then your conscience won’t have to bear the staggering burden of needless bloodshed and vengeance. And when the Lord has done these great things for you, please remember me, your servant!”

32 David replied to Abigail, “Praise the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you to meet me today! 33 Thank God for your good sense! Bless you for keeping me from murder and from carrying out vengeance with my own hands. 34 For I swear by the Lord, the God of Israel, who has kept me from hurting you, that if you had not hurried out to meet me, not one of Nabal’s men would still be alive tomorrow morning.” 35 Then David accepted her present and told her, “Return home in peace. I have heard what you said. We will not kill your husband.”

36 When Abigail arrived home, she found that Nabal was throwing a big party and was celebrating like a king. He was very drunk, so she didn’t tell him anything about her meeting with David until dawn the next day. 37 In the morning when Nabal was sober, his wife told him what had happened. As a result he had a stroke, and he lay paralyzed on his bed like a stone. 38 About ten days later, the Lord struck him, and he died.

David was very polite with his asking; I feel like if Nabal was very polite in rejecting his offer too, all that happened would have been avoided. "Yes, I have but I'm really sorry, I won't be able to give this time. This really doesn't mean I don't appreciate you." would have gone a long way.

2. I really still have a problem with Abigail talking about her husband that way. She could have skipped this "he is foolish as his name suggests" (i really would appreciate if anyone can explain why she had to do that). In the public, we shouldn't shame anyone not even our partners in such manner- it doesn't speak well of us.

3. In insulting Nabal, I feel like Abigail was either forced to marry him or she made a mistake in marrying him as their compatibility level is low.

These are the spot-ons for me in this passage.

Abigail was a saviour to David not directly to Nabel. This is because her words of eulogy to David made him refrain from sin that could lead to his end and Nabel was later killed by God.

As regards Abigail's insult to her husband, it is a very wrong action. The Bible makes it clear that wives should honour their husband and not a case that the wife should "honour who you love or who your soul is well pleased with". Also Scriptures commands believers to "honour all men". If Abigail never loved him or she did loved him but was disappointed at his act, she shouldn't have spoken abusive words about her husband. The insult she rendered as regarding to her husband's deeds did not pacify David.. It was her eulogies to David that did it.

 

Abigail was wise to save her home despite the husbands wrong and she saved David from doing something that would have destroyed his reputation.

Secondly she didn't do the right thing by talking ill of her husband publicly.

Matters of the home should be in the home and not to be displayed publicly.

She didn't honour her Man that way.

She was probably suppose to cover his weakness and not give him to the world to laugh at him

 

Nabal was a fool, a mean man who was crude in all his dealings and I believe everyone around him knew who he was already. David didn't as he was a stranger in the region having had to run away from Saul who was trying to kill him. David had taken care of Nabals sheeps, protecting them from harm and it was because of this those sheeps were available for shearing. Sheep shearing meant removing the wool from the sheeps to be used for other things. And it was a big thing at that time which called for celebration.

David asked that they join in the celebration and nabal in his foolishness replied without thinking. Now, it was this reply that annoyed David and made him want to kill everyone in his family... He was angry and he was ready for vengeance.

The Bible says Abigail had asked her servants to go ahead of her and it says that as she was going on her donkey, she met David. Remember David didn't know Nabal before so she had to tell David who nabal really was. Yes, it might be wrong to talk bad about ones partner, but Abigail had to led David know that that's who Nabal was before she started praying for him.. the Bible does not record if the servants were with her at that time but it records that earlier she had sent them ahead of her thus, even if her servants were there, they already knew the kind of master they had. And if she hadn't started like that, David might not have listened so much to what she had to say.

 

I believe she had to do that to make David realize that she knew the kind of man she married. There are different kinds of apology languages based on each person..

Some understand your apology when you say you're sorry, you wouldn't do it again, others accept it when you find a solution to make things better, others accept when they see that you know that something you did was wrong.

I believe the apology language Abigail used here was that she knew Nabal was an excuse for a man and even though that wasn't a good enough excuse, David shouldn't have bloodshed in his hands over such kind of person.. cos he wasn't worth it.

So I believe Abigail had to do that to first clear the air that she knew her husband was wrong but that was how he always behaved.

You can say she could have said it in a more polite way, but well, the way she said it worked.

3. Their compatibility level might have been low but Abigail's wisdom saved the whole of Nabals household.. Id love to see it in a different light.. as to the fact that where nabal was weak, Abigail was strong.

The Bible doesn't say much about Nabal but I believe he had a good side too.. so I'd like to see it as abigail was able to stand in place where Nabal failed thus, they were right for each other (in this context)...

 

It was both of them Abigail saved.. Nabal from immediate death maybe even giving a chance for him to repent (it was God that killed him - so to say at the end of the day) and she saved his household.. i.e. brothers, sisters, slaves, father, mother, etc..

And she saved David from committing sin.

2. I believe I have talked about this above. But I actually feel her beginning statement actually _did_ calm David down enough to listen to what she had to say.

David was angry, he wasn't most likely going to listen to a young woman who wouldn't admit that her husband had issues too...

 

Lessons to learn from Nabal and Abigail

1. The person you marry can either cut your life short or make you have a long fulfilled life. Nabal almost cut short the life of his whole household with his attitude.

2. There are behavioral signs that shouldn't be ignored in courtship. No one has the power to change the other if not Abigail might have been able to change Nabal therefore, relationships shouldn't be walked into with the notion of "changing" the other person. It most times doesn't work that way.

3. It is important to discover your partners weakness and pray that they become better.. also, your area of strength should be sharpened so that when needed, it would be used accordingly. No one is perfect but everyone can become better.

4. The wisest thing to do when problems arise is to confront the problem first after which grievances/feelings can be handled among the partners later on.. Abigail first settled the issue on ground before she faced Nabal.

5. The level of compatibility (ability to work and walk together without unnecessary issues and conflicts) in relationships is very important.. can both parties live in peace and harmony? Can one live with the other's weaknesses as they trust God to make each other better? Also, can they work together to achieve the reason why God created them?

These questions should be considered during relationships.

5 Relationship Lessons from the Life of Boaz and Ruth

Today, we would be looking at and sharing our lessons from the story of Boaz and Ruth and we would be studying/ discussing Ruth 2: 1-13 and Ruth 4:1-17.

The story of Ruth and her Mother-in-law, Naomi is quite popular. The story talks about a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law who stayed and lived together after their husbands died. Ruth had refusef to go back to her house but to stay with her mother-in-law till death, a commitment to not just her husband but to his family (till death).

When we look at the life of Ruth and Boaz separately and how they were groomed before coming together to become one, we get to learn the following about Ruth:

1. Ruth never gave up: This is shown throughout the scriptures from her desire to stay with her mother in law to her desire to search for food for both her mother in law and herself in order to prevent hunger.

 

Couple | Image- www.ifegrace.com

2. Ruth was hardworking: Ruth could have sat down, crossed her legs and complained about how God wasn't fair or about how poor widows were. But she didn't. She told her mother inlaw she was going to find food and she did. And when she did, she kept at it, working hard and only taking a break when needed. The question here is what has God placed in your hands? What do you have that you are doing? Are you doing it with all your might or nonchalantly yet, you feel your prayers are not being answered? Think about it.

3. Ruth was obedient: she was obedient to God, obedient to her mother in law. She did whatever she asked her to do. In fact she adores her mother in law. With all her might. Think about it: are you ready to be obedient to your mother in law? Are you ready to allow her to guide you and correct you when you make mistakes? Are you ready to respect her like you would respect your mother ?

4. Ruth spoke words laced with grace and respect: she spoke respectfully to her mother in law and even to Boaz. When he asked her to glean as much as she can, she thanked him, she appreciated him. And she prayed for him (a stranger). What kind of words come out of your mouth? Are they words seasoned with grace and laced with respect?

5. Ruth made herself available: In chapter 3, we see where Naomi gave Ruth tips on how to get Boaz to marry her (after she discovered he was a relative liable for marriage to Ruth). Naomi asked her to have her bath, use perfume and dress in her best clothes. Sometimes, we're trusting God for relationships and we are looking hoping and praying and believing. But the truth is packaging also matters when it comes to relationships. We all need to learn to dress well not just on the outside but also on the inside so that whenever the right person comes along, he or she wouldn't be chased away based on how we look/talk. And for those who are in relationships, dressing, seasoned words play an important role in our relationships.

For Boaz, here are some of the lessons we can learn.

1. Boaz was hardworking

Boaz as a single was hard working. If he didn't have that field Ruth had the opportunity to work on, maybe he would never have met her. Guys, you're hoping for a particular kind of woman but what kind of man are you? Boaz was able to provide for Ruth (even before marriage) we all can't keep lazying around and expect the best relationships. What do you have in your hands? What are your gifts and talents and abilities? Are you using them? Or you're waiting for one big opportunity to come. Boaz started from somewhere. He was a farmer. It was hard work and persistence that helped him get so much in order to own a field.

2. Boaz was observant

He noticed Ruth. He saw what was good and he made inquiries about it. "Who is that woman?" He asked his servant. And for Ruth too, she stood out. That's why Boaz was able to notice her. Have you discovered anything that makes you stand out from the crowd? Everyone is unique in one way or the other and most times it's what makes you stand out that gets you noticed. As we hope and pray and believe for great relationships, there is the need to be observant and at alert so as not to miss what God has for us.

3. Boaz had values and he understood traditions 

Boaz knew what he stood for and he stood by it. He didn't take advantage of Ruth when she came to lie at his feet. Instead, he did as expected and followed traditions and ensured Ruth received what was due to her. It says a whole lot about Boaz and what he stands for. Do people know you for what you stand for?

Remember if you stand for nothing, you would fall for anything. He also respected traditions and he followed procedure. For most things in life, there is always a procedure. We shouldn't neglect the process in haste to get results. The patient dog eats the fattest bone. Never forget that.

Ruth was said to love her mother in law. It was so obvious the people of the town made comment about her being worth more than seven sons.

For singles, determine to love your mother in laws. If you go into marriage with the mindset that mother in laws are devils, you would most likely have problems with your mother in law. Also, delay is never denial. In chapter 1, Ruth was married to Mahlon for 10 years. She didn't conceive, she didn't have children. She might have received insults and looked at one way or the other but when it was time, the Bible says God blessed her (provision) and she conceived which was not long after she and Boaz got married. Therefore, let us not forget that God always has plans and whether today looks great or not, we can trust Him about tomorrow cos we are assured He has our best interest at heart.