Book Review: 40 Great Lessons Marriage has taught Me by Pastor Jane Arowolo

The book, 40 Great Lessons Marriage has taught me" by Pastor Jane Arowolo is a resourceful book that helps you to discover the unrealistic expectations which couples bring into marriage, the challenges of young marriages, how to overcome differences, having a smooth relationship with in-laws, how to keep the fire of love burning and many other secrets to marital bliss.

The 78 paged book opens with an introduction with three questions that define the experience of couples in marriage. According to Mama Jane Arowolo, everyone should define marriage based on:

• Why you are getting married
• How you look at marriage
• What you expect from marriage

These questions determine your experience in marriage.

All 40 lessons are arranged into ten chapters, with each chapter treating four lessons. The first chapter talks about sex for newly weds, sex during Pregnancy and the real definition of romance.

No great marriage exists without great sex.  Also sex can be made out of duty and can be made as a result of love. We also learn that if you expect love in your relationship, you have to always give love.

Like sex, money is important for fruitful romance. It is a fantasy to go into marriage without expecting some changes.

That nothing will change when you get married is a lie. That everything will change when you get married is a bigger lie. Learn to change what you can change and accept what you cannot.

Five love languages are important. Know what works for you and your partner.

In-laws are family. You must treat them as such.  If you expect perfection from people, you will get frustrated. Don't go to marriage with a pepper lifestyle or plans to deal with any in-law. Character is ultimate when dealing with in-laws

A man's ego is as fragile as a woman's heart.

A woman is not wired to carry the financial burden of a family. She is a helper and not a sponsor.  If a woman carries financial burden, that becomes a quick way to lose your honour as a man.

Patience will change many things.

Your partner is a work in progress. Don't go into marriage with unrealistic expectations.

Somebody lacks what you have. Stop comparing your relationship or marriage with another's. -2nd Corinthians 10:12

The two golden rules are in Ephesians 5:22-23 and verse 25 respectively. When a marriage fails it is a sign that the rules have been disobeyed.

Reciprocate respect

Family is Royalty. There is a king, a queen,  princes and princesses. Learn humility in royalty.

There is also honour in royalty

Love is hard work. You need almost no effort to  fall in love but you need so much effort to stay  in love.

You must fall in love again and again with each other. You must also evaluate your relationship.

When children start growing, know that they are watching your steps and will likely walk in it.

You must determine to give the best impression and help them become better spouses in future.

A woman is fragile

Communication is the best way to handle conflicts. Don't stop talking.

Be a woman and don't feel cheated. You don't need to compete with your husband  or argue submission. You don't need to bring the law of rights and equality to marriage, thus changing the creator's narrative and manual. When your head is too big as a woman, your crown will not size you.

Also, get a mentor. Proverbs 20:18 talks about good and godly counsel for relationships and marriages

Be a woman and don't feel cheated. You don't need to compete with your husband  or argue submission. You don't need to bring the law of rights and equality to marriage, thus changing the creator's narrative and manual. When your head is too big as a woman, your crown will not size you.

Also, get a mentor. Proverbs 20:18 talks about good and godly counsel for relationships and marriages

Instructions are never convenient but they are always profitable.

Variety is the spice of life as William Cowper's poem,  "The Task (1785)" puts it. Introduce new and exciting practices in your relationship. Get rid of routine and explore

With godly wisdom, bring new wine to the table of your relationship.

A woman is an administrator

There are three seasons in the life of a man. Morning, noon and evening. Treat the wife of your youth with care and love so that you last till evening and enjoy the benefits of building a godly home.

The fear of God in you guides your actions towards your spouse/partner. Unresolved conflicts will not make you enjoy God's presence in your relationship/marriage. God's presence detests strife and contention.

In marriage, God answers every cry for help. Learn the art of prayer. War with prayer! 

The best time to pray is when all is going smooth. A farmer who starts planting while others are harvesting will stay hungry. He will have to wait until those seeds germinate before he can eat.

There is no marriage in heaven. Your marriage can work out fine. Do not look at the failing marriages around you. Just do your part and let God bless your marriage.

 

The second chapter talks about Romance and finance, Romance and child nursing,  the principle of opposite sides attracting and the love language of spouses. On the other hand, chapter three goes on to talk about dealing with in-law and how life is a farm that obeys the law of sowing and reaping. She also writes about refusing to fight for yourself.

In chapter 4, mama Jane talks about feeding the man's ego and knowing how far to go as regards certain issues.  She also discuses the subject of domestic violence and the best way to teach. Chapter 5 goes on to tell is how a wife is a helper and a sponsor. Here, mama Jane Arowolo says that a woman should not fully take on the financial responsibility of the home. She also talks about how patience is a virtue and that your spouse is a work in progress. She ends this chapter saying that somebody lacks someth]ng you have.

In chapter 6, mama Jane talks about the greatest assignment in marriage. She then proceeds to talk about the two golden rules in the book of Ephesians. After this, she opens our eyes to 5how respect is reciprocal and that wisdom and knowledge are really needed in every marriage.

Chapter seven opens with the concept of royalty. It discusses how the man is a king in the palace and the woman is a queen in the palace. It also talks about how love is hard work and ends with the fact that your children (when they start coming) are always watching you.

In chapter 8 we learn that women are fragile and that men should learn to deal with it. We also. See a different side to handling conflicts and the need for a worthy mentor in your relationship or marriage. It finally discusses how rk be a woman without feeling cheated (shunning the extremist views of feminism)

Chapter 9 talks about variety being the spice of life and the need to avoid a boring relationship at all cost. To do this, you simply need to think. Out of the box and bring up. Exiting things, build. Memories and engage activities to make your relationship or. Marriage beautiful. This chapter then talks about the old. And new. Wine and the need for constant new, fresh Wine in your relationship or marriage. She then proceeds to talk about women being the best administrator in a marriage or relationship and how that there are three seasons in the life of a man (with specific emphasis on the evening of a man's life).

She concluded with chapter ten talking about the need for the fear of God and the presence of God in every relationship or marriage. She also talks about prayer, the greatest weapon in marriage and how that as believers, you. Must live your fullest in your marital life because there is no marriage in heaven...

 

This book is a true testament to the fact that God is still very interested in building perfect relationships and families. The author,  Pastor Jane Arowolo (popularly called mama Jane) has a mandate to teach what it takes to succeed in marriage.  She is a graduate of Public Administration from Ambrose Alli University  and has been into active ministry for over 18 years. She is a co-pastor at Glorious Dynamos Life Ministry and the Vice President of Success and Life Network.  She anchors "Direction for Singles and Married", "Ladies and Gents Conference", "Just4Ladies", "When Mother's Pray" and "Daughter's of Zion". She is happily married to her best friend, Apostle Wale John Arielle and their union is blessed with three covenant men.

 

The Daily Relationship Prayer Guide

Every relationship needs deliberate and consistent prayer. This is because, without it, such relationship can quickly become stale with each spouse’s heart hardening with every passing day until they are on the brink of a breakup. Prayer forms a bond that is stronger than basic communication.

Relationships and marriages were originally created to be triangular in nature, having God, the man and the woman as active participants in it. The presence of God is what keeps the relationship going, excluding the other activities you may engage in on a horizontal plane with your partner. This month at the Two Become One Community, we have committed ourselves into praying for our partners, relationships and future spouses. In the following action prayer paragraphs, we have highlighted a few reasons and things to pray for in your relationship. As a guide, you can take one paragraph daily as a prayer point until you finish up all days.

 

1. Pray to God to help you both to know Him more.

A strong relationship is built when two people, moving in the same direction try to become more like Jesus. To do that, they must connect with God through the Word and prayer, among other spiritual activities. Each person must gently encourage the other when they are not engaging in these practices regularly and celebrate each other when they grow spiritually.

 

2. Pray for Help to love like God loves.

Partners will never contemplate breakup or a divorce when they are busy making sacrifices for each other’s welfare. In praters, partners should make a covenant with God to love each other the way Christ loved His church. This will allow you to sacrifice often and forgive each other easily, thus helping you achieve joy and purpose in the relationship. Not only will you discover a newfound love for your partner, you will also live the abundant life Christ promised.

 

3. Pray for Help to see each other the way God does.

Everyone makes mistakes because of the imperfect nature of flesh. While we are dead to sin, it is still easy to get down on each other when we’ve allowed busyness and other distractions to detract from the relationship. Partners should prayerfully reflect and ask God to help them see each other the way He sees them. Consult Scripture and pray regular blessings over your partner. When you take time to bless your partner, the blessings will come back to you in a deeper love and appreciation for them. And you will see each other just as God sees them - who they truly are (loved by God).

 

4. Pray for Help to forgive like God forgives you.

Matthew 6:15 says, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive yours.”  

Forgiveness is hard, especially in marriage where your spouse has wronged you through infidelity or another grievous sin. But there is nothing that can’t be forgiven because it is all covered under the blood Christ shed for us on the cross (in marriage). However, if such happens while you’re both courting, read here Things to Do when your Partner is in another Affair to know what to do.

When a relationship prayerfully functions with this reality in mind, you can (with Christ’s help) free your partner from the prison of sin—and free yourself from the burden of unforgiveness.

 

5. Pray for Help to be slow to anger.

In Psalm 86:15, we understand that God shows compassion toward those He loves, and so should we. Pray and ask God to help you see your partner with His eyes and not your own. It will change the way you see and act in your marriage. Practice compassion and be slow to get angry. The less angry you become, the more love you’ll show.

 

6. Pray for Help to be slow to speak.

It’s a popular saying that God gave us two ears and one mouth because He wants us to listen twice as much as we speak. Much as God wants to use us as His mouthpiece, He sometimes just wants us to remain silent. A part of spiritual maturity attained in the place of consistent prayers to God, is discerning when God wants us to speak and when He doesn’t.

Three Ps You Must Engage in Your Relationship

 While it is true that there are many things that can help a relationship grow stronger,  there can only be a better summary for them all. This is why we have these three PS to cover everything that you need to grow your relationship. 

1. Praise your Partner.

There’s nothing as sweet as hearing your partner tell you sweet things about yourself. It’s so  sweet and it's better  than hearing it from someone else. If you have watched Laju Iren's mini-series titled  "During Ever After”, you would discover that the absence of that singular act caused a lot in their marriage. This is why you can just steal someone when you tell them something about them that their partner doesn’t.

2. Pamper your partner.

You don’t need to wait till you have so much money to pamper your partner. A gift in Data, airtime, money, etc as little or much as you can would do. Partners should not be stingy, thus helping each other to feel valuable.

When you’re broke, you should still give. That should be how much they mean to you.  Pamper them with the things they need and the things that matter to them.

3. Pray for your partner.

Please, pray, even if you’re single. You can possibly have a special prayer journal for them where you write and speak words into their lives. The truth is, if you are wrong with anything, it cannot be with prayer. 

One of the many things about prayer is that when it's effects come to happen in your relationship, you won’t be surprised because you have prayed about it before now— you’d just keep reaping the fruits.

Many relationships fail because they do not put these things in place rightly.  When you do, then, you would deserve its success. You won’t be confused and things would come easier than you thought. 

Compatibility in Relationships: Lessons from the Marriage of Nabal and Abigail

Compatibility in relationships is necessary factor as it makes or mars every relationship.God understood this at creation and that is why He made the woman for Adam as he could not find a suitable mate amongst all that was already made.

According to 1st Samuel 25:2, there was a wealthy man named Nabal from Maon who owned property near the town of Carmel. His wife, Abigail, was a sensible and beautiful woman. But Nabal, a descendant of Caleb, was crude and mean in all his dealings.

When David heard that Nabal was shearing his sheep, he sent ten of his young men to Nabal asking him to share any provisions with them,considering the help his men had rendered to him previously. But Nabal refused and sneered to the young men asking “Who is this fellow David?”. “Who does this son of Jesse think he is? There are lots of servants these days who run away from their masters. Should I take my bread and my water and my meat that I’ve slaughtered for my shearers and give it to a band of outlaws who come from who knows where?”

 

So David’s young men returned and told him what Nabal had said. 13 “Get your swords!” was David’s reply as he strapped on his own. Then 400 men started off with David, and 200 remained behind to guard their equipment. Meanwhile, one of Nabal’s servants went to Abigail and told her, “David sent messengers from the wilderness to greet our master, but he screamed insults at them. 15 These men have been very good to us, and we never suffered any harm from them. Nothing was stolen from us the whole time they were with us. 16 In fact, day and night they were like a wall of protection to us and the sheep. 17 You need to know this and figure out what to do, for there is going to be trouble for our master and his whole family. He’s so ill-tempered that no one can even talk to him!”

18 Abigail wasted no time. She quickly gathered 200 loaves of bread, two wineskins full of wine, five sheep that had been slaughtered, nearly a bushel of roasted grain, 100 clusters of raisins, and 200 fig cakes. She packed them on donkeys 19 and said to her servants, “Go on ahead. I will follow you shortly.” But she didn’t tell her husband Nabal what she was doing.

20 As she was riding her donkey into a mountain ravine, she saw David and his men coming toward her. 21 David had just been saying, “A lot of good it did to help this fellow. We protected his flocks in the wilderness, and nothing he owned was lost or stolen. But he has repaid me evil for good. 22 May God strike me and kill me if even one man of his household is still alive tomorrow morning!”

Abigail Intercedes for Nabal

23 When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed low before him. 24 She fell at his feet and said, “I accept all blame in this matter, my lord. Please listen to what I have to say. 25 I know Nabal is a wicked and ill-tempered man; please don’t pay any attention to him. He is a fool, just as his name suggests. But I never even saw the young men you sent.

26 “Now, my lord, as surely as the Lord lives and you yourself live, since the Lord has kept you from murdering and taking vengeance into your own hands, let all your enemies and those who try to harm you be as cursed as Nabal is. 27 And here is a present that I, your servant, have brought to you and your young men. 28 Please forgive me if I have offended you in any way. The Lord will surely reward you with a lasting dynasty, for you are fighting the Lord’s battles. And you have not done wrong throughout your entire life.

29 “Even when you are chased by those who seek to kill you, your life is safe in the care of the Lord your God, secure in his treasure pouch! But the lives of your enemies will disappear like stones shot from a sling! 30 When the Lord has done all he promised and has made you leader of Israel, 31 don’t let this be a blemish on your record. Then your conscience won’t have to bear the staggering burden of needless bloodshed and vengeance. And when the Lord has done these great things for you, please remember me, your servant!”

32 David replied to Abigail, “Praise the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you to meet me today! 33 Thank God for your good sense! Bless you for keeping me from murder and from carrying out vengeance with my own hands. 34 For I swear by the Lord, the God of Israel, who has kept me from hurting you, that if you had not hurried out to meet me, not one of Nabal’s men would still be alive tomorrow morning.” 35 Then David accepted her present and told her, “Return home in peace. I have heard what you said. We will not kill your husband.”

36 When Abigail arrived home, she found that Nabal was throwing a big party and was celebrating like a king. He was very drunk, so she didn’t tell him anything about her meeting with David until dawn the next day. 37 In the morning when Nabal was sober, his wife told him what had happened. As a result he had a stroke, and he lay paralyzed on his bed like a stone. 38 About ten days later, the Lord struck him, and he died.

Read: How to Manage Exes in Your Relationship

David was very polite with his asking; I feel like if Nabal was very polite in rejecting his offer too, all that happened would have been avoided. "Yes, I have but I'm really sorry, I won't be able to give this time. This really doesn't mean I don't appreciate you." would have gone a long way.

2. I really still have a problem with Abigail talking about her husband that way. She could have skipped this "he is foolish as his name suggests" (i really would appreciate if anyone can explain why she had to do that). In the public, we shouldn't shame anyone not even our partners in such manner- it doesn't speak well of us.

3. In insulting Nabal, I feel like Abigail was either forced to marry him or she made a mistake in marrying him as their compatibility level is low.

These are the spot-ons for me in this passage.

Abigail was a saviour to David not directly to Nabel. This is because her words of eulogy to David made him refrain from sin that could lead to his end and Nabel was later killed by God.

As regards Abigail's insult to her husband, it is a very wrong action. The Bible makes it clear that wives should honour their husband and not a case that the wife should "honour who you love or who your soul is well pleased with". Also Scriptures commands believers to "honour all men". If Abigail never loved him or she did loved him but was disappointed at his act, she shouldn't have spoken abusive words about her husband. The insult she rendered as regarding to her husband's deeds did not pacify David.. It was her eulogies to David that did it.

 

Abigail was wise to save her home despite the husbands wrong and she saved David from doing something that would have destroyed his reputation.

Secondly she didn't do the right thing by talking ill of her husband publicly.

Matters of the home should be in the home and not to be displayed publicly.

She didn't honour her Man that way.

She was probably suppose to cover his weakness and not give him to the world to laugh at him

 

Nabal was a fool, a mean man who was crude in all his dealings and I believe everyone around him knew who he was already. David didn't as he was a stranger in the region having had to run away from Saul who was trying to kill him. David had taken care of Nabals sheeps, protecting them from harm and it was because of this those sheeps were available for shearing. Sheep shearing meant removing the wool from the sheeps to be used for other things. And it was a big thing at that time which called for celebration.

David asked that they join in the celebration and nabal in his foolishness replied without thinking. Now, it was this reply that annoyed David and made him want to kill everyone in his family... He was angry and he was ready for vengeance.

The Bible says Abigail had asked her servants to go ahead of her and it says that as she was going on her donkey, she met David. Remember David didn't know Nabal before so she had to tell David who nabal really was. Yes, it might be wrong to talk bad about ones partner, but Abigail had to led David know that that's who Nabal was before she started praying for him.. the Bible does not record if the servants were with her at that time but it records that earlier she had sent them ahead of her thus, even if her servants were there, they already knew the kind of master they had. And if she hadn't started like that, David might not have listened so much to what she had to say.

 

I believe she had to do that to make David realize that she knew the kind of man she married. There are different kinds of apology languages based on each person..

Some understand your apology when you say you're sorry, you wouldn't do it again, others accept it when you find a solution to make things better, others accept when they see that you know that something you did was wrong.

I believe the apology language Abigail used here was that she knew Nabal was an excuse for a man and even though that wasn't a good enough excuse, David shouldn't have bloodshed in his hands over such kind of person.. cos he wasn't worth it.

So I believe Abigail had to do that to first clear the air that she knew her husband was wrong but that was how he always behaved.

You can say she could have said it in a more polite way, but well, the way she said it worked.

3. Their compatibility level might have been low but Abigail's wisdom saved the whole of Nabals household.. Id love to see it in a different light.. as to the fact that where nabal was weak, Abigail was strong.

The Bible doesn't say much about Nabal but I believe he had a good side too.. so I'd like to see it as abigail was able to stand in place where Nabal failed thus, they were right for each other (in this context)...

 

It was both of them Abigail saved.. Nabal from immediate death maybe even giving a chance for him to repent (it was God that killed him - so to say at the end of the day) and she saved his household.. i.e. brothers, sisters, slaves, father, mother, etc..

And she saved David from committing sin.

2. I believe I have talked about this above. But I actually feel her beginning statement actually _did_ calm David down enough to listen to what she had to say.

David was angry, he wasn't most likely going to listen to a young woman who wouldn't admit that her husband had issues too...

 

Lessons to learn from Nabal and Abigail

1. The person you marry can either cut your life short or make you have a long fulfilled life. Nabal almost cut short the life of his whole household with his attitude.

2. There are behavioral signs that shouldn't be ignored in courtship. No one has the power to change the other if not Abigail might have been able to change Nabal therefore, relationships shouldn't be walked into with the notion of "changing" the other person. It most times doesn't work that way.

3. It is important to discover your partners weakness and pray that they become better.. also, your area of strength should be sharpened so that when needed, it would be used accordingly. No one is perfect but everyone can become better.

4. The wisest thing to do when problems arise is to confront the problem first after which grievances/feelings can be handled among the partners later on.. Abigail first settled the issue on ground before she faced Nabal.

5. The level of compatibility (ability to work and walk together without unnecessary issues and conflicts) in relationships is very important.. can both parties live in peace and harmony? Can one live with the other's weaknesses as they trust God to make each other better? Also, can they work together to achieve the reason why God created them?

These questions should be considered during relationships.

Our 2025 Love Letter

                                 To you, my darling. 

Hey Sweetie,

If you ask me, I want this year to be full of adventures and challenges because by your side I feel super capable of anything, you are the muse that motivates my great works you give me so much strength to fight for my dreams you are everything to me.

It is I Lolonyo and I say Happy New Year Love.

How are you in this year 2021? How have the past five days been for you? I hope it has been good and I hope to hear from you. Feel free to share with me on my email For me it has been a lot of planning and replanning as I didn't get the chance to start planning for the year-earlier and that is why I haven't gotten in touch with you over some time.

I have got a lot of queries as to why lolonyo hasn't started anything this year and I would like to say I am sorry for keeping you waiting.

Before I move too far let me say that I cannot quantify how grateful I am to you for making 2020 a great year. It would not have been that good if you, my darling reader didn't come through for me both to read and drop your comment. Here we are again in this new year I just need you to know that your opinions of very valid in this community. I look forward to hearing all that you have to share with me. I would be glad to know those relationship topics that you would want us to talk about on the community blog and all our social media pages.

If this is your first time in the community, welcome, I am glad to have you here and I hope you always find a family here in the community.

This year I would love to pour out my heart to you all of the time, to let you know what exactly fuels this passion that I have for talking and building Godly relationships. It would be of great help to me if you take a few minutes, just about a couple of minutes to subscribe to the community blog page by hitting the subscribe button and follow the community both on Twitter and Instagram @lolonyonb. 

Your feedback means the world to me please keep it coming this year- let's do you! let to us! Let's show the world that love is truly beautiful and here is where we nurture the bliss of love- Lolonyo (Nurturing Bliss)

Lastly, my first relationship advice to you this year is to make sure that in all your relationships both romantic and unromantic, you always find a way to calm down and communicate effectively. Let's us all cut some slack, times will come when that person you love or trust so well will wrong you, times when you will feel betrayed and hurt (it won't be all fun throughout the remaining 330 days of this year) but please do not let your ego set in to make worse what a simple conversation would have solved, seek peace and understanding always. Above all seek love, just calm down and discuss it with all sincerity. 

Albeit, you would love to solve all those problems and pretend that those occasions that angered you never came into play- you should also not close your eyes to the red flags. Hold yourself in high esteem (you deserve to be happy always) and be true to yourself and all those around you. Do to others what you want them to do to you. Enjoy your year and I hope to hear from you soon.

How Social Media Affects Your Relationship

Depending on how you place them, Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter and Instagram amongst many other social media platforms affect relationships positively and negatively. Usually,

In our world today, it is not unusual to find people whose relationships started on social media and then ended up in sweet marriages. For us too, it started on Facebook as you will read in our meet up article here. Meeting someone you love on social media and turning your first meeting into a beautiful relationship is not really a bad idea, but what really is the effect of social media on relationships?

How to Write a Joint Relationship Journal (Even in a Long Distance Relationship)

The post about keeping a joint journal made me get a lot of requests from couples in long-distance relationships on how they can keep their relationship alive. Are you in a long-distance relationship and it seems impossible for you to keep a joint journal since you are hundreds or thousands of miles away from your partner? Here I am today to tell you that keeping a joint journal as a long-distance relationship couple is nothing impossible and it is something that will bring life to your relationship. So, here are four steps you should follow to have the best journal in your relationship.

1. Choose An Online Journaling Application

Just like I mentioned in the last post for long-distance relationship couples, the world is now digital and there have been a lot of provisions made overtime to solve the problem of distance, space, and time, all you need to do is to use it to your advantage. There are a lot of journaling apps that you and your partner can make use of. Check out some of them here. All you need to do is to decide on which one of them you are comfortable with and learn how to make good use of it.

2. Find Activities That Bring You Together

In our post here, we discussed five ways long-distance relationship couples can keep their relationship alive you might want to check the post out here. The reason for this second point is so that you both can have memories together as a couple despite the distance between you. There will be nothing to journal if nothing brings you together to create memories. You can decide to pray together, go on online dates, go on a walk, have a book or video review, just about anything that would help you to have shared memories and events to journal.

Read: 5 Relationship Lessons from the Life of Boaz and Ruth

Agree On A Day To Journal

One of the things that a long-distance relationship requires is time. A couple in a long-distance relationship should create time for each other to give birth to fun memories and be there for each other to record these memories. As mentioned in the previous journalling post, one of the points of having a relationship journal is to strengthen your bond and this is done when both of you can come together to share your emotions and put them down in your journal while making more memories.

You need to make out a day and time where you journal as a couple. Technology has made this easy because there are apps like team viewer that can help you access your partner's computer from wherever you are. With an app like this, you can journal together easily.

Be Creative

This is one of the tips shared in the previous post on joint relationship journal and you may want to check it out here. What is the point of having an online journal when it is going to be boring? You and your partner can think of ways to make your journals colorful and fun such as doodling or attaching pictures from the event or occurrences that you are journaling. Just about anything to create a beautiful memory?

Conclusion

Who says a long-distance relationship can never be fun? Let me know in the comments section other steps you think we can use to spice up our long-distance relationships.

6 Ways to Ruin Your Relationship

Couples indulge (consciously or unconsciously) in various acts that gradually reduce the fun and ‘in love’ feeling that they felt at the start of their relationship, making them think they are not loved by their partners which eventually leads to total ruin of their relationship.

It is only rational to say that the joy or ill-being of any relationship is determined by both partners; at the same time not everyone is ready or willing to take responsibility for their actions when things go wrong, rather they say things like ‘she started it first, ‘if you had followed what I said, it wouldn’t have ended this way’… forgetting that in relationships, ‘‘it takes two to tango’’, and the fall of one is the fall the other.

In this article, I will be working you through 6 acts that kill relationships and their effects on relationships.

 

1. Jealousy

Jealousy, according to The Merriam-Webster Dictionary, is ‘an unhappy or angry feeling caused by the belief that someone you love (such as your husband or wife) likes or is liked by someone else’. Jealousy can give a positive result when engaged in rightly, but most often than not, the result is always negative. Jealousy births the following negatives:

• Lack of trust

• Insecurity (A strong feeling or need to know the whereabouts of one’s partner, what they are doing, and who they are with.)

• Feeling of reject

• A strong feeling of resent

 

2. Cheating

As much as jealousy can breed resentment between couples in a relationship, cheating can do worse. Breaking the promise made to your partner by sharing the love and attention meant for them with someone else thereby making your relationship a love triangle can hurt more than a bee sting; leaving your partner with a great hurt on the inside-creating room for lack of trust, hatred, sadness, a feeling of regret and anger. 

3. Argument: In any relationship, arguments are inevitable because we all have our differences and are entitled to our opinions. In light of this, when couples argue, it should be constructive rather than destructive to help them understand each other better. But when couples turn their arguments into a war field where words are their preferred weapons, the foundation of the beginning of an end to their ‘once cherished relationship’ may be laid.

Read: How to Manage Exes in Your Relationship

 

4. No Sex

For Married Couples Only. Before saying a thing about this, I must say that you have to know your partner before anything because there is no one-size-fits-all decision about this. To some, sex does not matter so much; For some reasons, some are abstaining from it, it’s an occasional thing for some, while on the other hand, it’s daily bread for some. If you happen to have a partner who loves to have sex, you will be causing a lot of havoc by not giving in to sex, you will also make your partner;

• • Have low self-esteem
• Feel rejected
• Feel insecure
• Become angry
• Unable to bond with you 

5.  Ineffective Communication

No relationship can thrive or make it without communication, I mean very effective communication. You cannot know a person just by looking at the person and smiling at the person, you have to talk to the person and if you have decided to take things to another level with someone, that means you need to know more about the person. When couples don’t speak their minds, their problems grow gradually and compound till they cannot take it anymore and by that time everything is bad; some couples, instead of talking things out, will worsen their problem by keeping calm and not talking about it. Communication on its own is powerful enough to cause everything we have discussed above, lack of communication is the root of relationship failure – ‘’a problem shared is a problem half-solved’’.

 

6. Poverty

Developing a positive relationship with your partner, children, and even your family, in general, can be a handful and a challenge when you are of low socioeconomic status. Being in a relationship requires a lot of commitments (financial inclusive) which will make your partner happy and feel loved especially if your partner loves to receive gifts (Receiving Gifts being one of the Five Love Languages)- Most of the time, this responsibility falls more on the male gender. Not all couples can thrive in a relationship where they cannot afford to eat good meals together, go on romantic dates once in a while and take time to go on vacations to places they love; thus, inability to financially provide for each other due to financial constraints might give way to a feeling of contempt and fear, anger, sadness, and dislike. It can cause partners to cheat and do things that will hurt each other.

Conclusion

All these acts discussed above have their effects on relationships. But to avoid dealing with problems caused by any of these acts, couples should master the art of communication- they should talk about the tiniest things, learn new things about each other daily, and try as much as possible to see things from each other’s point of view. Remember ‘’it takes two to tango’’.