Three Ps You Must Engage in Your Relationship

 While it is true that there are many things that can help a relationship grow stronger,  there can only be a better summary for them all. This is why we have these three PS to cover everything that you need to grow your relationship. 

1. Praise your Partner.

There’s nothing as sweet as hearing your partner tell you sweet things about yourself. It’s so  sweet and it's better  than hearing it from someone else. If you have watched Laju Iren's mini-series titled  "During Ever After”, you would discover that the absence of that singular act caused a lot in their marriage. This is why you can just steal someone when you tell them something about them that their partner doesn’t.

2. Pamper your partner.

You don’t need to wait till you have so much money to pamper your partner. A gift in Data, airtime, money, etc as little or much as you can would do. Partners should not be stingy, thus helping each other to feel valuable.

When you’re broke, you should still give. That should be how much they mean to you.  Pamper them with the things they need and the things that matter to them.

3. Pray for your partner.

Please, pray, even if you’re single. You can possibly have a special prayer journal for them where you write and speak words into their lives. The truth is, if you are wrong with anything, it cannot be with prayer. 

One of the many things about prayer is that when it's effects come to happen in your relationship, you won’t be surprised because you have prayed about it before now— you’d just keep reaping the fruits.

Many relationships fail because they do not put these things in place rightly.  When you do, then, you would deserve its success. You won’t be confused and things would come easier than you thought. 

Lessons from the Period of Singleness

The period of singleness is one that is very important in the life of every individual that looks to getting into a relationship in future. This period is one where you are to form a strong bond with yourself, know yourself and recognize your identity. It is only when one is able to recognize his true self that the right decisions about life, spirituality, finances and even relationship can be made. This period can never be over emphasized in the life of any single person, this period has the power to make you enjoy your relationship so well, if maximized.

Take a stroll with me and let us look at Tolani’s life and her little experience in Lagos. She went to Lagos to visit her friends who loves to have fun at all the available bars and clubs on their street. As usual they had to go out and have fun and Tolani decided to go with them this time. Little did she know that her friend are not only heavy drinkers but they also smoke. Tolani was offered a stick of cigarette, but she looked at them and smiled and said “I am not a smoker” … let’s move down to my point, Tolani could have said “I do not smoke” which sounds a little more pleasant, right? And she could have been convinced to give smoking a try, but she chose to answer them based on her identity- that she is not a smoker.

Far from smoking or drinking, the period of singleness like I said one where we have to recognize who we are by building a strong relationship with one’s self. When we work on understanding who we really are, we not only make decisions that affects us positively in our daily life, but we can also understand what we want our relationship to look like in respect to who we are, (if I am a preacher, I should actually look out for someone who is a lover of the gospel, so that together we can share the word), we will also be able to identify our fears, hurts from the past and insecurities and be able to heal from them if not totally, at least to a reasonable extent so that we won’t be a burden to our future partner, if this period is also well spent, we will be able to recognize our actual needs and also know how to communicate them to our future partners even if we don’t know them (our partner) well. It also saves you the stress of jumping from one relationship to the other.

But all these in the period of singleness? How do we know the right way to connect with our self and accept and improve our identity? By first building a strong relationship with a greater person that knows more about our identity, that is God, by allowing Him to instill in us everything that we need and that will mold us for what is coming ahead. Wait, I know this also might seem a little bit hard to but you really have to be ready for the process of God remolding and reshaping you into who you really need to become. You can also get mentors (in the spiritual and relationship aspect) that can lead you to understanding how to gain clarity about yourself and all aspects of your life including your relationship.

Know that relationship is not all about sex, pleasure, money, positions and all other peripherals, but to confirm this, and to make relationship more than just dating to break up or dating for the wedding day and then living to regret the whole process over and times again, know that there is a great need to be clear about who you are.

 

 

 Lessons from Singlehood

Being Single is a complete learning season in the life of a man. It comes as a gift and must be lived to its fullest. This is why it follows extreme wisdom to handle properly, what singlehood entails.

One basic lesson learnt in single hood is the knowledge that you must walk into God’s plan and be ordered into what He’s ordained for you. The season must be maximised because when it wraps up, no one can turn back the hands of time. Enjoy it while it lasts. There’s a time to be single and a time to be married.
 


Before you say, “I do” Understand that as a lady, you’re first the BRIDE OF CHRIST before you’ll become the WIFE OF A MAN. Isaiah 54:5 same for the guys. When the Scriptures admonish us to LOVE GOD…it is enough to make us have good relationships, in loving God you will fall in love with yourself, and only then can you love people as you should. The Holy Spirit gives us the capacity for divine love.

Before you say, “I do” Learn to be whole and secure. Sweethearts, you’re not defined by your marital status. Your life doesn’t start or begins the very day you start a relationship or get married, it has started since yesterday when you had your first cry. So hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love, but never dare put your life on hold for love. Your identity is not found in your relationship status but who you are in Christ Jesus.

Before you say, “I do” find true happiness in your life. Don’t wait for a mate to make you happy. Of course, two is better than one and your partner must be such a shoulder to lean on yet you must be a happy somebody. I shared with our married daughters that no husband can fulfill the ministry of the Holy Spirit in our lives. You must learn to be happy. Happiness is said to be a choice, this is the pathway to fulfillment in life and marriage.

Before you say, “I do” learn to build and enjoy friendship with your immediate family, friends, and neighbours.

A romantic relationship is not the only relationship you need in life. We are social beings, learn how to relate, and tolerate people. Social intelligence is very important. I watched a very hot-tempered lady fighting her little sister with harmful objects. In annoyance, she left for her fiance’s house and said angrily, “When am I leaving my Father’s house?” #smiling She thought getting married is a way of escape.

Before you say, “I do” Find a meaning to your life and get busy with it. Explore your talents and gifts, go after your interest and passion. What should you start doing? Stop delaying/postponing it. I dare you to start being a blessing to lives.

Before you say, “I do” God wants you to learn SELF-CONTROL. I know what it means to have urged as a single lady sometimes it gets so tense I had to pray in tongues. Why would God put this urge in my body when I am not allowed to have sex before marriage? It is to teach us self control. I and my husband have had times on the mission field where we couldn’t act husband_and_wife for a Month. #NoShow and we were good. Train your body.

More so, marriage doesn’t solve all your sexual issues/problems, please seek counsel and get healed before tying the knot.

Before you say, I do” embrace a mentorship relationship and be accountable to people who have spiritual authority over you. My husband was having counselling sessions with a married woman who reported how unruly her husband has been. Hubby asked her to report him to his parents, pastor or mentor to which she replied, “He doesn’t listen to ANYBODY and he has no mentor”

Who is your Father?
Prayerfully submit to a mentor.
Build quality Relationships… Family, friends, etc

Before you say, “I do” learn financial prudence. Who wants to marry a man who gambles with money? Who wants to marry a lady whose life investment is in a shopping spree?

Give yourself a nice treat but learn how to manage your finance. You’re not too old to have a piggy bank, savings, and investment schemes. Start learning how to draw a scale of preference/priority. Cut down unreasonable spendings.

Before you say, I do” understand that your marriage is all about the KINGDOM. Your marriage is ordained to be a blessing. There’s a lot God will achieve through the union of two people who are sold out to His Kingdom. God wants to model a GODLY MARRIAGE to the world, He needs your marriage as a Model. Be purposeful about your relationships.

 

How to Survive a Relationship Breakup

It is so amusing how the term Breakup has been gradually replaced with Breakfast, especially in this part of the world. For the sake of our diverse readers, we will stick to the original term which is Breakup.

Many times when most people experience a breakup, it seems like the end of the world, especially in cases where they truly loved their partner. In most cases, ladies tend to cry while men stay sober and maybe drink so that they don’t feel the hurt, but the truth is that the hurt and pain still come back, bigger and harder. Most of the time, people tend to shut others out of their life and just remain on their own to feel the pain of breaking up.

While some people try to stay sober or drink or shut people out, some other people try to suppress the hurt that they feel and pretend as if nothing happened. One might think that is the best solution, but it is one of the worse things to do- not allowing yourself to feel the hurt of a breakup. Different people with different ways of dealing with their pains and hurt but in this post, I will be giving 5 tips on how to survive a breakup well and good.

Allow Yourself to Feel the Hurt but Not for Long 

It is very normal to think of our past relationship or ex even after your breakup with them and thoughts like this always come back, especially at times you are just on your own or you see the things or go to places where you both have been to. It is not wrong that after your breakup with your partner, you feel pained and sad. The pain will even be harder for someone who already has big plans and loads of expectations for the relationship and from their partner. But like I mentioned above, it is not good to try to push aside the pain and behave as if no shit just happened in your life. In the long run, things might keep getting out of hand. It is good to feel the pain, and cry if you need to. It is good to let out your emotions and not suppress them. As good as it is to let out your emotions, it is best not to allow yourself to spend forever in the past. The relationship is gone, and now in the past, so it is best to let it be, and move on. Hard as this may seem, it is one of the best ways to survive a relationship breakup. Feel the pain but know when to cut it off.

Focus on You

Breakups are so hard that they may want to take everything from you. Break up is ready to strip you of any strength you think you possess but the best thing to do at this time is to make yourself the priority. This is a very good time to not only focus on yourself but also pick up new hobbies, take yourself on a picnic, travel to new places if you can afford it, set new goals for yourself, exercise, take a course, volunteer, just have fun. While having fun and enjoying life the best way you can, make sure that you remind yourself of who you are, and say nice and positive things about yourself. Speaking words of affirmation to yourself, words that tell you how much you are loved will help you pull through the tough moments after a relationship breakup. As much as this is a time to have all the ‘me time’, all the fun, and discover new things about yourself, this isn’t the right time to jump into a new relationship. It is best to give yourself ample time to recover and heal from the breakup and all the insecurities and fear that might have come with it. Most people drag themselves into the same cycle of breakup over and over again because they feel lost and broken as an individual and I feel like having a partner or being in a relationship will heal them. Give your inner man the time to catch up on the fun things that could not be done when you had your ex in your life.

Reach out to Family and Friends

As much as this is the time to focus on you, it is also a good time to bond with your friends and family members, have all the time you can with them, and catch up on things that you couldn’t do while you were in that previous relationship.  During this time, have fun and go out with your friends, attend family functions, and spend time with your parents, siblings, and other extended family members. Help out and be useful. By doing this, you might be making them smile, thereby, making yourself happy too. Also, when you spend time with your friends and family, they help you to get over this period of pain by showing you love and care and letting you know that you are not alone. Bond!

Learn from Your Experience

After a breakup, it is good to let the past dwell in the past, but also better to learn from your past mistakes. Something that you and your ex did or didn’t do might have led to the breakup. It is better to use this to your advantage so that such mistakes will not repeat themselves in your future relationship. You can achieve this through the power of questioning. How to do this is to ask yourself a series of questions that will help you look deep into how you played your role and how your partner played his or her role and where it all went wrong. Sometimes, doing this alone might be hard as it will open up memories of the relationship hence, you should do this with the help of a therapist, coach, or counselor. They will be able to help you better trace the happenings in your life and past relationships and join the dot till you can make sense of it. In this way, you will also be able to heal from the hurt and insecurities that came out of the relationship with you. This will also help you to know how to be a better partner in your new relationship.

Move on 

n the process of trying to get over your breakup, different memories will surely come to mind. It might come from you seeing pictures of the person, you going somewhere that you have been with the person, or just seeing the person pass. Different things can spring up the thought of the person even silence. When these memories flash through your mind, you might be tempted to start stalking them on their social media account or stalking the person physically. You might even find yourself wanting to force yourself on them and this isn’t a good one to do. In other to get over these feelings, it is better to make sure that you constantly remind yourself why that relationship was no more conducive for you both and you must try to wave all the memories of the person when they come up in your mind. Although it is good to be on good terms with your ex, (depending on what caused the breakup) if you think seeing them will make things worse for you, it is better to unfollow them on your social media account and try to get rid of things that might remind you of them pending the time that you are trying to get hold of yourself.

 

Conclusion

Getting over a breakup isn’t a very easy thing to do, but it is a very good thing to do to avoid more of it repeating itself. Pay attention to yourself and your growth at this moment,  make sure that you trace the dots and observe the patterns so that you won’t have to make the same mistake time and time again.

Compatibility in Relationships: Lessons from the Marriage of Nabal and Abigail

Compatibility in relationships is necessary factor as it makes or mars every relationship.God understood this at creation and that is why He made the woman for Adam as he could not find a suitable mate amongst all that was already made.

According to 1st Samuel 25:2, there was a wealthy man named Nabal from Maon who owned property near the town of Carmel. His wife, Abigail, was a sensible and beautiful woman. But Nabal, a descendant of Caleb, was crude and mean in all his dealings.

When David heard that Nabal was shearing his sheep, he sent ten of his young men to Nabal asking him to share any provisions with them,considering the help his men had rendered to him previously. But Nabal refused and sneered to the young men asking “Who is this fellow David?”. “Who does this son of Jesse think he is? There are lots of servants these days who run away from their masters. Should I take my bread and my water and my meat that I’ve slaughtered for my shearers and give it to a band of outlaws who come from who knows where?”

 

So David’s young men returned and told him what Nabal had said. 13 “Get your swords!” was David’s reply as he strapped on his own. Then 400 men started off with David, and 200 remained behind to guard their equipment. Meanwhile, one of Nabal’s servants went to Abigail and told her, “David sent messengers from the wilderness to greet our master, but he screamed insults at them. 15 These men have been very good to us, and we never suffered any harm from them. Nothing was stolen from us the whole time they were with us. 16 In fact, day and night they were like a wall of protection to us and the sheep. 17 You need to know this and figure out what to do, for there is going to be trouble for our master and his whole family. He’s so ill-tempered that no one can even talk to him!”

18 Abigail wasted no time. She quickly gathered 200 loaves of bread, two wineskins full of wine, five sheep that had been slaughtered, nearly a bushel of roasted grain, 100 clusters of raisins, and 200 fig cakes. She packed them on donkeys 19 and said to her servants, “Go on ahead. I will follow you shortly.” But she didn’t tell her husband Nabal what she was doing.

20 As she was riding her donkey into a mountain ravine, she saw David and his men coming toward her. 21 David had just been saying, “A lot of good it did to help this fellow. We protected his flocks in the wilderness, and nothing he owned was lost or stolen. But he has repaid me evil for good. 22 May God strike me and kill me if even one man of his household is still alive tomorrow morning!”

Abigail Intercedes for Nabal

23 When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed low before him. 24 She fell at his feet and said, “I accept all blame in this matter, my lord. Please listen to what I have to say. 25 I know Nabal is a wicked and ill-tempered man; please don’t pay any attention to him. He is a fool, just as his name suggests. But I never even saw the young men you sent.

26 “Now, my lord, as surely as the Lord lives and you yourself live, since the Lord has kept you from murdering and taking vengeance into your own hands, let all your enemies and those who try to harm you be as cursed as Nabal is. 27 And here is a present that I, your servant, have brought to you and your young men. 28 Please forgive me if I have offended you in any way. The Lord will surely reward you with a lasting dynasty, for you are fighting the Lord’s battles. And you have not done wrong throughout your entire life.

29 “Even when you are chased by those who seek to kill you, your life is safe in the care of the Lord your God, secure in his treasure pouch! But the lives of your enemies will disappear like stones shot from a sling! 30 When the Lord has done all he promised and has made you leader of Israel, 31 don’t let this be a blemish on your record. Then your conscience won’t have to bear the staggering burden of needless bloodshed and vengeance. And when the Lord has done these great things for you, please remember me, your servant!”

32 David replied to Abigail, “Praise the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you to meet me today! 33 Thank God for your good sense! Bless you for keeping me from murder and from carrying out vengeance with my own hands. 34 For I swear by the Lord, the God of Israel, who has kept me from hurting you, that if you had not hurried out to meet me, not one of Nabal’s men would still be alive tomorrow morning.” 35 Then David accepted her present and told her, “Return home in peace. I have heard what you said. We will not kill your husband.”

36 When Abigail arrived home, she found that Nabal was throwing a big party and was celebrating like a king. He was very drunk, so she didn’t tell him anything about her meeting with David until dawn the next day. 37 In the morning when Nabal was sober, his wife told him what had happened. As a result he had a stroke, and he lay paralyzed on his bed like a stone. 38 About ten days later, the Lord struck him, and he died.

Read: How to Manage Exes in Your Relationship

David was very polite with his asking; I feel like if Nabal was very polite in rejecting his offer too, all that happened would have been avoided. "Yes, I have but I'm really sorry, I won't be able to give this time. This really doesn't mean I don't appreciate you." would have gone a long way.

2. I really still have a problem with Abigail talking about her husband that way. She could have skipped this "he is foolish as his name suggests" (i really would appreciate if anyone can explain why she had to do that). In the public, we shouldn't shame anyone not even our partners in such manner- it doesn't speak well of us.

3. In insulting Nabal, I feel like Abigail was either forced to marry him or she made a mistake in marrying him as their compatibility level is low.

These are the spot-ons for me in this passage.

Abigail was a saviour to David not directly to Nabel. This is because her words of eulogy to David made him refrain from sin that could lead to his end and Nabel was later killed by God.

As regards Abigail's insult to her husband, it is a very wrong action. The Bible makes it clear that wives should honour their husband and not a case that the wife should "honour who you love or who your soul is well pleased with". Also Scriptures commands believers to "honour all men". If Abigail never loved him or she did loved him but was disappointed at his act, she shouldn't have spoken abusive words about her husband. The insult she rendered as regarding to her husband's deeds did not pacify David.. It was her eulogies to David that did it.

 

Abigail was wise to save her home despite the husbands wrong and she saved David from doing something that would have destroyed his reputation.

Secondly she didn't do the right thing by talking ill of her husband publicly.

Matters of the home should be in the home and not to be displayed publicly.

She didn't honour her Man that way.

She was probably suppose to cover his weakness and not give him to the world to laugh at him

 

Nabal was a fool, a mean man who was crude in all his dealings and I believe everyone around him knew who he was already. David didn't as he was a stranger in the region having had to run away from Saul who was trying to kill him. David had taken care of Nabals sheeps, protecting them from harm and it was because of this those sheeps were available for shearing. Sheep shearing meant removing the wool from the sheeps to be used for other things. And it was a big thing at that time which called for celebration.

David asked that they join in the celebration and nabal in his foolishness replied without thinking. Now, it was this reply that annoyed David and made him want to kill everyone in his family... He was angry and he was ready for vengeance.

The Bible says Abigail had asked her servants to go ahead of her and it says that as she was going on her donkey, she met David. Remember David didn't know Nabal before so she had to tell David who nabal really was. Yes, it might be wrong to talk bad about ones partner, but Abigail had to led David know that that's who Nabal was before she started praying for him.. the Bible does not record if the servants were with her at that time but it records that earlier she had sent them ahead of her thus, even if her servants were there, they already knew the kind of master they had. And if she hadn't started like that, David might not have listened so much to what she had to say.

 

I believe she had to do that to make David realize that she knew the kind of man she married. There are different kinds of apology languages based on each person..

Some understand your apology when you say you're sorry, you wouldn't do it again, others accept it when you find a solution to make things better, others accept when they see that you know that something you did was wrong.

I believe the apology language Abigail used here was that she knew Nabal was an excuse for a man and even though that wasn't a good enough excuse, David shouldn't have bloodshed in his hands over such kind of person.. cos he wasn't worth it.

So I believe Abigail had to do that to first clear the air that she knew her husband was wrong but that was how he always behaved.

You can say she could have said it in a more polite way, but well, the way she said it worked.

3. Their compatibility level might have been low but Abigail's wisdom saved the whole of Nabals household.. Id love to see it in a different light.. as to the fact that where nabal was weak, Abigail was strong.

The Bible doesn't say much about Nabal but I believe he had a good side too.. so I'd like to see it as abigail was able to stand in place where Nabal failed thus, they were right for each other (in this context)...

 

It was both of them Abigail saved.. Nabal from immediate death maybe even giving a chance for him to repent (it was God that killed him - so to say at the end of the day) and she saved his household.. i.e. brothers, sisters, slaves, father, mother, etc..

And she saved David from committing sin.

2. I believe I have talked about this above. But I actually feel her beginning statement actually _did_ calm David down enough to listen to what she had to say.

David was angry, he wasn't most likely going to listen to a young woman who wouldn't admit that her husband had issues too...

 

Lessons to learn from Nabal and Abigail

1. The person you marry can either cut your life short or make you have a long fulfilled life. Nabal almost cut short the life of his whole household with his attitude.

2. There are behavioral signs that shouldn't be ignored in courtship. No one has the power to change the other if not Abigail might have been able to change Nabal therefore, relationships shouldn't be walked into with the notion of "changing" the other person. It most times doesn't work that way.

3. It is important to discover your partners weakness and pray that they become better.. also, your area of strength should be sharpened so that when needed, it would be used accordingly. No one is perfect but everyone can become better.

4. The wisest thing to do when problems arise is to confront the problem first after which grievances/feelings can be handled among the partners later on.. Abigail first settled the issue on ground before she faced Nabal.

5. The level of compatibility (ability to work and walk together without unnecessary issues and conflicts) in relationships is very important.. can both parties live in peace and harmony? Can one live with the other's weaknesses as they trust God to make each other better? Also, can they work together to achieve the reason why God created them?

These questions should be considered during relationships.

5 Ways to Successfully Ask a Christian Lady Out

 

First, make sure you are confident and have a clear idea of what you want to ask the lady out for (i.e. a date, a coffee, etc.).

    Approach the lady in a polite and respectful manner, and introduce yourself if you have not met before.

    Compliment the lady on something you find attractive or interesting about her, such as her smile or her style.

    Ask if she would be interested in going out with you. Be specific about the details (e.g. "Would you like to grab a coffee with me this weekend?").

    Be prepared for rejection, and handle it gracefully if it does happen. Thank the lady for her time, and wish her well. Do not push for an explanation or try to change her mind. You can read our article here on Why Christian Ladies reject/refuse Relationship  Proposals

5 Ways to Get Over a Breakup Season

A breakup is simply the failure of a relationship. On the surface, breakups are initiated by either parties in the relationship.

Effects of Breakup?

Depression Sadness

• Emotional Damage: This is a situation where one experiences terrifying memory flashes, nightmares, or flashbacks about a relationship that did not work. It could also cause the affected person to absolutely abstain from and avoid the things that could remind them of that trauma. Also, it could lead to emotional numbness and disconnect from others or even going into another relationship. This is why some individuals suddenly start taking alcohol or drugs in other to feel better or overcome the trauma.
• Depression: This is a group of conditions associated with the elevation or lowering of a person's mood, such as depression or bipolar disorder.
• Sadness: Feeling down or unhappy in response to grief, discouragement or disappointment; if ongoing, may indicate depression.
• Mental Disorder: A wide range of conditions that affect mood, thinking and behaviour. A mental health disorder characterised by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life. A mental health disorder characterised by feelings of worry, anxiety or fear that are strong enough to interfere with one's daily activities. the heart is a metaphor for the intense emotional stress or pain one feels at experiencing great and deep longing. Explicitly it is unexpected sad news from one of the partners that the relationship seems not to interest anymore. And the intention of every break up is to always bring the relationship to an end as the name implies.
  

Now since the relationship that was initially sweet, has crashed, what next, should I stay single for the rest of my life? Should I because I was hurt not go into another relationship?

Is looking for a replacement the next thing? All these are what I will be digging deep in this evening seminar being the aim of the theme after my break up.

How then can you get over a breakup?

Three things needed after a break up are:

1. Discover your weaknesses

No one on earth is too perfect not to have his or her lapses. That's why we are human beings and not God. Every one of us has our weakness no matter how little it is. But we keep working on it to gain strength.

I will like to tell us a few of male and female weakness and both gender weaknesses too in this seminar

MALE WEAKNESSES

1) Too much ego

2) Being bossy

3) Misinterpretation of women emotional expression as emotional blackmail.

4) Lack of patience

FEMALE WEAKNESSES

1) Lack of understanding

2) Self-centeredness

3) Greed

4) Lack of endurance

5) Ladies are too dependant

6) Lack of appreciation

 

2. Emotional healing.

3. Maturity work out

 

 

 

 

 

 

Being bossy: Pride and lack of consideration is the main cause of this. A bossy man would always impose all his opinions on his woman. This act of being too bossy makes your woman looks like a slave to the relationship. It is normal and a good thing for a man to lead but not to command. So if you want to be a good man erase every mentality of commanding your wife. By so doing you have subjected her to slavery and not a relationship. So lead your relationship and let your woman follow the lead. And someone would ask me that but a leader is meant to command yes but a good leader only gives order and does not force it.
MISINTERPRETATION OF WOMEN EXPRESSION AS EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL: Most men end up taking women painful expression especially the cry of a woman as deceit. Women naturally are weak and easily get pained when being hurt. That is when you see the emotional ones among women crying while being hurt by anyone.

LACK OF PATIENCE: Most men are the victim of this. The word patience simply means The content to wait if necessary; not losing one's temper while waiting; not bothered with having to wait; not unwilling to wait. This is so much applicable to when most guys are trying to ask a lady's hand in the relationship. From my own experience most time whenever guys ask me out, I discovered they always like fast response which has a lot of danger in it. Most guys stop to talk to ladies the moment the lady says let's be a friend first. I recommend one of my seminars to people of that category: RECOMMENDED PREREQUISITE FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE. Unless if the intended relationship is based on just a fling.FEMALE WEAKNESSES

LACK OF UNDERSTANDING: Most ladies have a shallow understanding of life, how to spice up their relationship, even lack the understanding of their man, which has killed the vibes in most relationship today.
One of the lack of understanding some still lack is to assume that the only and best way to spice up a relationship is with sex and romance. Understanding how to relate and interact with your man is one of the things that keeps your relationship alive and not dead or a dormant one.
Some ladies also lack to understand that men cannot always be financially buoyant. Some ladies even go to the length of comparing her relationship with her life cycle to her friend's own due to the lack of understanding.
Some ladies do not know when their man is happy and unhappy. Some refuse to understand and know when to talk and keep quite. Some don't understand when to ask questions and when to give responses.
How can one win a lady's heart?
1) Be her best friend
2) Know what makes her happy, do it for her
3) Know what makes her angry always try to avoid it
4) Ask her on a neutral ground does she like your type of person.
5) Find out her taste, are you her taste?
6) Does she like your personality?

Most ladies heart is soft and can easily be gotten through care, consistency and shower of gifts but not all. Many fall for all these strategies but few would not fall for it especially if such ladies know what they want.

Note that; It is not every lady's heart a man can win. Some lady's heart is broken, some are accessible, some are fragile, while some are rigid. And each heart with a different strategic measure to win it.

Mr Segun said I broke up with my girlfriend because she lies a lot to me. What can I do to make such a relationship work again he asked? A liar is a liar. A liar would always use thousands of lies to cover a lie so obviously, you cannot change a liar. Only if you can put her matter in prayer. Note that any relationship that the foundation is built on a lie, such a relationship is liable to failure. That is; it is the same lie that would collapse, or destroy such a relationship. There is one of my quotes that says; Lie is not durable, but can only sustain the truth for a while. The only truth is constant, real, and straight.

I was in a seminar on a faithful day a young guy asked me that; Why would a  relationship that was so vibrant with love and cosy feelings suddenly become very boring and dry?

What are some of the factors responsible for it?

The start of a relationship with what you both cannot finish. Most especially starting your relationship journey with a life of impression and deceit. Promising what you cannot afford. The danger in it is that that kind of person you claimed to be might be the kind of person he/she wanted or looking for. The moment whereby there is a sudden change, he/she finds no more in you, the person was attracted to. From that moment of change, the chain of love and affection would break gradually. And the love starts to deteriorate and depreciate.

Another gentleman asked another question that does negative influence, brainstorming, and brainwashing ideas, has anything to do with understanding and patient in a relationship?

Yes, it does sir. Negative influence is not ss, the negative influence is not good for a relationship. For a matured relationship you both should be inclined and influence each other positively, and not otherwise.

Then for brainstorming requires a lot of patience to achieve something good in a relationship.

Welcoming each other's suggestion and the idea is also part of understanding. You don't have to look down on each other. An adage says; two heads are better than one. So you both are meant to rub minds together, to think together so you can both achieve a common goal together.

Then brainwashing each other's ideas is a way to control, persuade each other by thought control, thought reform, or away you both could always educate each other. This is where the enablement of flexibility comes in. In one of my quotes, I said; A rigid mind is hardened up like concrete, it does not accept other people's opinion. If either of the partners lacks patience it would always be hard to learn from each other.

SELF CENTEREDNESS: Most ladies are always wanting to be at the receiving ends, is as a result of self-centeredness.

Not putting your man in your shoe, in your plans, hanging all your burdens on him like Jesus Christ is an act of self-centeredness. An English definition of self-centeredness says: The quality of being selfish, the condition of putting one's interests before those of others

GREED: A selfish or excessive desire for more than is needed or deserved, especially of money, wealth, food, or other possessions from your man. As women deserve the best, so as men also deserve the best. A man deserves to be treated like King, so a woman deserves to be treated like a Queen. Treating, loving and caring for each other is never meant to be sentimental.

The third question in that same seminar was that; With the presence of sentiments and maladjustment could result in selfishness in a relationship. Can such a relationship be fruitful?

No maladjustment means a poor adjustment or faulty adjustment. And for every fruitful relationship, compromise and adjustment from one's policy to make things right are always needed. So when there is no compromise in a relationship, such relationship growth might end up being stagnant. The lack of adjustment instigates subsequent quarrel or misunderstanding.

LACK OF ENDURANCE: Most ladies don't want to work through hard times with men. Most want an already made man without considering his source of money if pure or shady. The lack of endurance is what would make a lady abandon his fiancee for a ritualist that showers her with presents like; expensive wears, Iphones, I watch and the likes. The lack of endurance would distract and detach her from the real man of focus and ambition. And covetousness would attract and attach her to a fake and desperate man, that has nothing good to offer her but to steal away a virtue.

A woman that is not patient to start, and build a future together with a man, does not deserve to be with a successful man. No sweat, no sweet. No man is entitled to reap from where he did not sow.

Hard times is the best period to test the endurance ability of a man or woman.

LADIES ARE TOO DEPENDANT: Very disappointing most ladies have turned guys to their ATM. They now put all their life responsibilities on the guy. It is not good for a lady to always depend on a guy.

LACK OF APPRECIATION: Some girls are never appreciating but always complaining. Those set of ladies find it so difficult to appreciate their man on what he has done for them. Instead, they give a complaint on what their man has not done for them. It is very bad and discouraging.

Another question came up that; How many days or months or years are you now saying a guy should wait for a lady's response? Well, there is no magic to any successful relationship aside from great patience. Be patient to be her friend. Long-term friendship is good before you proceed into any relationship. Trust me you have nothing to lose if you are friends for a long time first.

EMOTIONAL HEALING

Some people have been hurt and damaged emotionally. Human beings emotions can be hurt in diverse ways, they are; Disloyalty, violence, attentiveness e.t.c. the aforementioned are just a few of the ways human emotions can be messed with.

DISLOYALTY:

Disloyalty in terms of not being supportive, not being sincere, also not being honest in a particular relationship.

In many relationships we found ourselves, and we are being denied loyalty by our partners.

Some of our partners, we caught them cheating, which led to great disappointment in our heart. And as to this, such woman's heart turns our being poisoned that all men are womanizers.

VIOLENCE

Physical violence

Sexual Violence

One of the bad experience one had, is to be brutal physically. It is not only in marriage men beat women, physical violence also happens in a relationship. Most women have been adapted to hot slaps, since their relationship stage.

Some women also fall to the category that they are always been abused sexually. Some men even drug themselves before having sex with women.

All these acts cause pains to the emotion.

INATTENTIVENESS

People that their primary love language happens to be quality time needs more attention in the relationship. If such a person is being denied attention in such a relationship, it always results to be an unhealthy relationship.

By giving attention, you also care and create quality time for your relationship.

Using my kind, as an illustration, my primary love language is quality time. I cherish care and attention so much. The moment, I am being starved of attention, I automatically believe, I'm not being loved or wanted again. As to this, I get tired of such a relationship.

Haven't mentioned diverse ways people can be damaged emotionally, I would talk more about emotional healing now.

WHAT NEXT AFTER BREAK UP❓

Most people way of healing emotion is to go into another relationship after their heart is being broken in their previous relationship. The greatest of the wrong step most people take after break up is substitution.

Substitution by going into another relationship with the motive of the new lover, replacing the former lover, due to the relationship that didn't work.

Emotional healing is very important before one goes into another relationship.

One of the dangers in going into another relationship without being emotional healed is that; We act upon our past and use it to hurt the innocent. This also can cause a lack of trust.

REASONS WHY SOME RUSH INTO RELATIONSHIP AFTER BREAK UP

1) I cannot stay alone

2) Because my friends are in a relationship

3) I don't want my ex-lover to know I am still single.

How to Discuss Money in Your Relationship

In 1st Timothy 6:10, the Bible says that the love of money is the root of all evil. However, money in itself is a requirement to successfully live the good life that you desire and your relationship is definitely included in that good life. 

There are many conversations on various matters that concern couples that at times, we forget that there is thee issue of money. Many people believe that money conversations, especially in a relationship are awkward. This is not true. Money is a crucial subject in every relationship and must be discussed with an open mind. When you feel awkward about such an important conversation, you would likely begin to shy away from it, and this can have adverse effects.

1. Keep the romance: Go on money dates

Though it is a money talk, you don’t want it to be all rigid and boring by making the atmosphere tense and setting a wrong pace for conversations. You can choose to have an affordable fun outing that ends up with dinner. Alternatively, especially if you are married, you can decide to cook each other’s favourite meals and have fun at that. The idea is to keep the atmosphere beautiful and calm.

2. Stick to a Schedule

With so much happening around us these days, we can unintentionally forget even the most important things. In order not to fall into this 21st-century trap you should commit to reminding each other about the date in a fun way. You can step up your game by setting secret love alarms on your partner’s phone; popping up a few days to the date. The alarms should have short beautiful heartfelt messages and a reminder attached.

3. Discuss your money goals together

If you want to be serious about financial progress, you have to set goals. Starting an investment plan, together or individually, is a good way to realize your financial goals in a rewarding manner. If you don’t have financial goals you are building up for already you can set one and review on subsequent money dates. For reviews, you would both get to assess how well you are doing with your commitments and how to improve if there is a need to.

You can set up a joint savings account with your loved one, using Circles.

Read: How to Manage Exes in Your Relationship

4. Start a Budget Game

Even though you might invest together, you would spend individually. A date like this presents a good time to assess individual spendings. It is a moment for individual reflections, and not a time to castigate one another. So take turns to speak and encourage each other to do better where there is slack. You can design individual budgets and grow together.

Taking out time to speak about your money would not only help improve your financial life but help reduce stress and anxiety according to Britney Castro; a financial expert. Also, it would help promote transparency between both of you and that would help strengthen your bond. You should get started with it and share your experience with us when you do; if you don’t mind.

Conclusion

Every woman (and every man) loves money, especially the ones who tell you they don’t. The only advice and prayer is that you don’t marry a glutton. Once you make your peace with this, you’ll accept fate that you will spend money once a woman (or anyone you truly love) is involved. Also, your decision to follow the tips we have share above will help you learn how to deal with Money Matters in your Relationship 

Tall, Dark and Handsome: How to Deal with Relationship Specs

It is very possible to have the tall, dark and handsome wish for a perfect partner. Your wish could be a fair, slim or fleshly endowed lady. But what happens if you do not find your spec? Would you go with anything you find or try to change your partner?

If you are "lucky" to fall in the category of what you ordered versus what you got, there are probably many reasons why you had to stick to your partner as the option for your relationship. But it is never really a bad idea. Change is a constant feature in every man's life and every individual is flexible to change. However, there are certain things that you may be unable to change. How do you live with your partner in this?

Your beliefs and opinion matters. If you can live with the differences and adapt to the absence of the physical and behavioural features in your partner, it is a very good position as there is always a point of compromise for matters like this in every relationship. However, if you cannot adapt, it is also fine to take a break off. The popular saying is that "a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage". At the same time, it is also very possible to work on a change in your partner or yourself.

Read: How to Manage Exes in Your Relationship

The problem at this point is that many people are too focused on changing their partners rather than looking inwardly to see how they can improve. While it is necessary for your partner to be open and flexible to change, you cannot and should not force your partner to change. Understanding should come in handy so you know who should bend for the other. This is that point of compromise.

The Law of Attraction

The power of the eye is in its ability to love by sight. Also, change in most relationships occur in the physical, behavioural and emotional modes. These three modes are also responsible for the "spec" we build up in our minds as regards a partner. In many cases, building this spec in mind is a result of attraction to an individual - physically, behaviourally or emotionally. Your partner could dislike eating out and yet be a tall, dark and handsome guy (physical) who loves God and likes to spend fun time with orphanage children and hospital patients (emotional). In this case, you are attracted to him by emotions and physical attributes. In another case, she could dislike calls and prefer texts (behavioural), but she is still the dark skinned beauty you always liked. All of these form different sides, especially because attraction does not show the negative sides in the first place. Attraction only puts what you desire amd want on the table.

Just as our taste changes over time, preferences for whom should occupy space as your partner changes. At the primary school level you once had a crush on a lady or guy in class based on certain qualities... When you fast forward to junior secondary, you find some other crush... And again at the university level. Ordinarily too, a basic change in environment amongst other factors can necessitate

If change is constant, how do I manage

What then should I place as criteria to choosing my life partner? - Not Looks, Not Wealth, Not the paint but the strength of the building

As an individual, you must know that in you lies the power to change and be the best version of yourself. This is one of the best ways to love your partners; by being your best and doing your best for your partner. By doing this, you become adapt to changes where possible and reach a compromise with your partner where change seems difficult. You also control how successful your relationship is, knowing that the success or failure of your relationship is 50% in your hands. Partners should help one another adjust to certain changes. You could encourage your partner to hit the gym or drop off some habits - it's all in the change process. You two will definitely become specs for each other this way.

PS: Attached to this is an audio letter by Della (featuring Nelson). We discussed about changing habits in a relationship and conforming to your partner's spec. 

Click the button below to listen.

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