5 Major Turn-offs to Avoid in Your Relationship

People meet and fall in love, they get to know each other a little more, start a relationship and continue to get to learn about each other. At first when they meet they don’t know all about each other but as they proceed in their relationships, they get to see the good and bad side of their partner. The different things that they notice about each other will determine if they will continue the journey together as a couple or go their separate ways. If they will not continue their relationship both individuals or at least one of them will have noticed the turn-offs or what some people call red flags in the relationship.

Hello darling, how are you today? Day 5 and we are still moving on. I appreciate that you are always here to learn more about how to have a great relationship. 

Although it differs for different people, there can be a whole lot of turn-offs in your relationship. In today’s post, we will be looking at 5 major turn-offs to avoid in your relationship. We have classified the turn-offs to be discussed majorly because they are the most common ones found in relationships and they can easily ruin a relationship.

1. Lack of Effective Communication

The inability to communicate effectively can be a major turn-off in your relationship. There are situations where one partner is not letting the other speak, it might also be a case where there is too much talking and no listening. In another case, it might be that one of them is not showing interest in what the other has to say. Whichever one of them you notice in your relationship, try to solve by first calling the attention of your partner to it then try to look at how you both can make things right.

2. Value Clashes

Two individuals come together to start a relationship but they are still in some ways different individuals that have different perspectives and views of life. The saying “one man’s food is another man’s poison” is also relevant in relationships. Because you and your partner have experienced life differently before starting a relationship there might be habits and behaviors that are tied to his or her values that you didn’t notice at first and if not taken care of by discussing it with each other can lead to the end of the relationship.

3. Getting Disconnected from God

This is a major turn-off in any relationship.  Considering that this community emphasizes nurturing Godly relationships and marriage, it would be wrong if we didn’t talk about it. To enjoy your relationship as a true child of God, you and your partner have to be on the same page when it comes to the things of God. This is so that you will not have unnecessary clashes, will be able to draw strength from the right source and support each other and support each other in times of need. In a situation where you notice a lukewarm attitude in your partner’s spiritual life, instead of nagging or not talking about it at all, try to pray for and with them and lead them by your own words and actions.

4. Lack of Integrity

For a relationship to work, both partners have to be fully accountable to themselves and each other. Lack of integrity leads to distrust between partners because a guy who knows that his partner’s yes has never truly been yes will find it hard to believe her even when she truly means Yes. For any relationship to flourish the couple must trust each other and know that they can hold each other to their word. Failure to deal with dishonesty and lack of integrity in your relationship will lead to the turn-off of your relationship.

5. The Feeling of Entitlement

A sense of entitlement is a personality characteristic based on the belief that someone deserves special treatment or recognition for something that they didn’t earn, this is just one of many definitions out there. In other words, the person believes that the world or someone owes them without ever or rarely giving anything in return. This kind of mindset can manifest in a person’s attitude in different aspects of a relationship; finances, acts of service, time and attention, you name it. No matter what form it takes, entitlement is a toxic trait that will cause strain in the relationship. A person with an entitled partner, after so much giving and so little receiving with almost nagging and arguments will eventually grow weary of them and could fall out of love with their partner if the entitlement mindset isn’t properly dealt with.

 

Conclusion

With all these points that we have discussed above, I hope that you will be on the lookout for these turnoffs and turn them off before they turn your relationship off. (lol). Till tomorrow my darling, have it in mind that love is beautiful and we can nurture it together. I love you.

How to Handle Breakup Scares

 

It is very true that not everything will end up in tears. Sometimes you will excellently come out of that situation unhurt and in cases where you are scathed, you will definitely heal and progress for the best. For us, we have had people say it to our face that they are waiting patiently for the day we would break up in our relationship. When we started out, it looked much more of a scare for us and we didn't know how best to handle it. But the thing is this, you really do not need to pick a fight with anyone nor do you need to prove any point to anyone. You don't need to convince them that your relationship will not fail. You only need to be comfortable with God's word in your relationship because that is what matters in the end. This is one of many reasons why it is advised to know God first hand before going into a relationship. In our article on Dating God, we explained the need to know God first before knowing your partner.

While it is enough for you to know God, you must also assure yourself that God is with you in your relationship. Assure yourself that God does not fail and that your relationship will be a success. He definitely wants the very best for you and your partner just as He has declared in His word in Jeremiah 29:11

You also need to determine to make the relationship work. There is a position of collective work in every relationship. Just as Paul writes in 1st Corinthians 3:6, there is a need for individual efforts alongside God's grace to hold a relationship together. Your relationship is a product of your efforts to sustain it and should turn deaf ears against any form negativity. When partners put in this determination to make their relationship work, they can fight any breakup scares together.

There is also a need to sew your garment where it's torn. In every relationship, you gradually get to know certain basic things about your partner and can tell whether or not it is sufficient to cause a break up in your relationship. When you find out these loopholes, you can call your partner's attention to it and ensure that they work on these tears in the relationship.

With all of these, we still assure ourselves that God's word stands at all times. His word spoke life to our relationship and only His word can turn off that life. It is also true that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, but at the same time it is only a successful relationship that can yield into marriage. Put all hands on deck and shut out every form of negativity and you will not experience a breakup.

How to Secure Happiness in your Relationship

There is this feeling and want to talk to really old couples who are still alive and holding up together, happily. I want to ask what was able to put them together and sustain them - what they did, say or feel that made them unrelenting and extravagant in love. I want to also know how they held back from cheating on their partner and never got tired. I believe that there has to be a hack to this thing that stands relationships and marriages out.

Our generation has seen and gone through a lot that true love and commitment seems like a facade to anyone who hears it. Family is also becoming a thorn to young people out there who want to be independent at the slightest opportunity they get. Many people have seen through life that they would question true love and be very sensitive to the slightest things. They probably say that a happy couple is faking it or “you don’t know what they are going through” because there’s an image that makes us believe people can’t be genuinely happy in a relationship. Also, we somewhat try to see it like someone has to meet up with the other because we are scared to go the extra mile so as not to be seen as cheap or the one who’s doing the most. Meanwhile, when Jesus died for us in this love relationship, He was doing the most.

Of a truth, not everyone is happy. People go through abusive relationships and still appear happy but there are still people who go through really sweet relationships and have the time of their lives.

We need couples who would actually show these things without fear of it ending in tears because it actually won’t. As such, if you see people happy and posting their pictures and telling you how beautiful life has been for them, before you question whether they are happy or not, celebrate and possess your possession before your thoughts possess something else for you. People are genuinely happy. You might have seen something different in your life but you can actually choose to write your own story of love and secure your  happiness.

Read If Every Day was Valentine

Finally, if you’re in a relationship and scared to flaunt your partner (not because it’s not your thing but) because you think it would end in tears, ask yourself first if that’s the plan. If it’s not the plan, you should read our article here on how PDA is scriptural. Flaunting your partner is one sign of a happy relationship (although it happens otherwise too). You must know that you can be happy in your relationship and it truly depends on you.

How to Keep Her by Your Side Forever

Every man who truly loves his girl always finds a way to keep her always by his side, maybe not physically all the time but every other time, he wants her to be on his side- on his team. The issue most of the time is that it is tough to understand a lady. A lot of men find themselves rumbling and mumbling the words; "Women are complicated" to themselves. Is this a false statement? Not at all. But are there ways to win your woman's heart over to your side forever? Absolutely! And that is what we will be discussing today.

Below are 8 ways to keep your woman by your side forever.

1. Always Appreciate Her

Many women go round the clock to do a lot of things for their family and friends, even their spouse but they do all this without being appreciated. This causes a lot of women to be bitter and angry as they have been made to seem invincible despite all their efforts and contributions. Take some time every day to let your woman know that you appreciate all that she does and stands for.

2. Challenge Her: This might sound funny because why would you challenge a woman you claim to love. Over time, women have been seen to be the weaker vessel and even the Holy book made it clear that they are to be treated with care. However, this line of thought all around the world has made women be looked down on and seen as ones who should not be seen in some spaces and positions. One way to make her love you and be in your side at all times is to challenge her to higher thoughts, not push her or bully her but let her always know that she is not weak so she can stand her ground and do great things too.

3. Affirm Her

Yes, as much as some women keep an "I got it all together" face and attitude, it is still a given that ladies are emotional beings. If you have a woman like that, a way to keep her by your side always and forever, constantly affirm her. Let her know that she is enough and it is okay to not get it all the time.

4. Support Her: Most women feel unloved not because their partner physically abuses them or maltreats them, they feel so because they have a lot of things to do but their husband, or boyfriend never seems to see a reason why he should support her dreams and aspirations. What you can do is to get to know those things that she longs to do, her dreams and aspirations, then ask her how you can come to help her bring those dreams to life.

5. Pray for and with Her

Many times, women put their trust in God, women believe that the Supreme being (God) has a say in the happenings in their life. Look at your environment, you will find out that women attend church the most and this signals that women place a lot of their trust in God and that God matters a lot to them. If you notice that your woman places her trust in God so much, from time to time hold her hands and pray for and with her. She will never take it for granted.

6. Gift Her: Is your woman a lover of gifts? Don't let her ask before you get her nice things. The other side to this is that a lot of women don't have the love language of gifts but they will feel very happy to receive a gift from their partner especially without them asking. If you would want her to remain by your side at all times, surprise her with a little gift here and there.

7. Spend Time with Her

Women tend to retreat for a while once they notice that their partner is often busy, they seem understanding on the outside but deep inside of them is a hunger to spend time with their partner. If it continues for a long time, the woman becomes angry, touchy, and unhappy. No matter how busy your schedule is, find some to stay with your woman without being distracted. By doing this, you get to know her more and understand her better.

8. Listen to Her: A lot of women actually talk, they try to communicate their feelings to their partner but due to different things such as work, and other distractions, their partner tends to just hear them and not pay attention to what the woman has to say. A way to keep your woman by your side is to take your time to listen attentively when she is trying to communicate with you.

Conclusion

As much as a woman may be a little bit hard to understand, it is easy to win her over to your side. I look forward to seeing your replies after you have put into practice the above tips. I am sure that there are more ways to keep her by your side forever and I look forward to you sharing them with me in the comments section.

How to Hold Up in a Long Distance Relationship

Intimacy in any relationship is built through constant communication and a level of distance between both partners, but then in a long distance relationship, the question remains: How far can you truly be from love? 

 

In our four years relationship (as at the time of updating this post), we have witnessed the close distance and the long distance cases. We have learnt that holding up the relationship at each other's end is a result of what both partners agree and make committment to. If both partners really want to make the relationship work despite the distance, it definitely will.

How we managed through these long distance relationship times, especially the activities that have kept us going through the long distance period have been compiled into this book. It is a list of engaging activities that can spice up Long distance Relationships and how you can go about them. All of these activities are based on our personal experience, so you would find words like ―us, we, my, ours and other word classes affiliating to us. 

You can also tag along as Hold Up or Uphold 😀. Someone mentioned this to us after we published. Whether you choose to hold up your relationship or up hold it, it is still a conscious effort to ensure that your relationship works.

 

If you are not in a long distance relationship either, you can choose to engage any of these activities. As a plus, we have included thirty five date ideas for you and your partner. These date ideas will come in handy especially when you need to relax and evaluate your relationship from time to time.

 

We would be happy to receive your comments and testimonies here after reading this book. It is our prayer that your relationship will continually glorify God (Amen).

To get your FREE copy, kindly click here to download or click on the download button below.

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How to Know if he's seriously into you

Your previous relationship has a way of projecting your fears into the future. This is why many ladies today begin to doubt any guy that comes their way. Many times, they do this because they the want to be sure of the guy's intentions, plus they "don’t know who is who". Some are just sacred of commitment or heart break and not just because their heart had been broken before. The follow signs of knowing if he truly loves you whether he says it out loud or not. Well, you all ought to be warned that these signs are not totally it but it could really be of help to all ladies

1. He Listens

If a guy listens attentively and almost always remembers what you say, it certainly means that he is into you. This also makes him not to forget your special days. Never. Also, since he listens, you already realized that he knows everything about you not excluding the littlest details. This should tell you that he is interested in your life.

 

2. He puts you in the picture

He uses the term “we” or “ours” in place of “I” or “mine” while communicating (and the catchiest thing is that he doesn’t even realize it).
 

3. He Respects You

He respects you in all manners you could think of.
5.      He takes care of your needs and treats you like his baby.
6.      He cannot stay mad at you for long no matter the reasons even if you tease him or fool around him.
7.      He becomes your special advisers at certain points in times.
8.      He readily swallows his pride and apologizes after a fight.
9.      He stands a bit too close or wraps his hands around you when you are talking to some other guys.

10.  He loves to hear your opinion when making important decisions about his own life which at times you think is none of your business.
11.  He joins to laugh you when you are having a good laugh with others.
12.  He loves spending time with you when you actually thought he is trying to be helpful which is however true also.
 

He is Protective

He is quite protective of you. This doesn’t mean he fights every other interested guys but means he always love to know you are safe no matter where you are. In this case, you sometimes see that he instinctively holds your hands while you're in public to show that he cares.
 

14.  He makes a lot of effort to be liked by your friends and family.
15.  16.  He talks a lot as he really wants to keep you updated and informed about the happenings in his life such as discussing his plans, his work-mates habits, how annoying his friends can be, what he didn’t really like that you did, and many more. He loves you which is the reason why he opens up to you easily while you think you’ve got a guy as your best friend.

Book Review: 40 Great Lessons Marriage has taught Me by Pastor Jane Arowolo

The book, 40 Great Lessons Marriage has taught me" by Pastor Jane Arowolo is a resourceful book that helps you to discover the unrealistic expectations which couples bring into marriage, the challenges of young marriages, how to overcome differences, having a smooth relationship with in-laws, how to keep the fire of love burning and many other secrets to marital bliss.

The 78 paged book opens with an introduction with three questions that define the experience of couples in marriage. According to Mama Jane Arowolo, everyone should define marriage based on:

• Why you are getting married
• How you look at marriage
• What you expect from marriage

These questions determine your experience in marriage.

All 40 lessons are arranged into ten chapters, with each chapter treating four lessons. The first chapter talks about sex for newly weds, sex during Pregnancy and the real definition of romance.

No great marriage exists without great sex.  Also sex can be made out of duty and can be made as a result of love. We also learn that if you expect love in your relationship, you have to always give love.

Like sex, money is important for fruitful romance. It is a fantasy to go into marriage without expecting some changes.

That nothing will change when you get married is a lie. That everything will change when you get married is a bigger lie. Learn to change what you can change and accept what you cannot.

Five love languages are important. Know what works for you and your partner.

In-laws are family. You must treat them as such.  If you expect perfection from people, you will get frustrated. Don't go to marriage with a pepper lifestyle or plans to deal with any in-law. Character is ultimate when dealing with in-laws

A man's ego is as fragile as a woman's heart.

A woman is not wired to carry the financial burden of a family. She is a helper and not a sponsor.  If a woman carries financial burden, that becomes a quick way to lose your honour as a man.

Patience will change many things.

Your partner is a work in progress. Don't go into marriage with unrealistic expectations.

Somebody lacks what you have. Stop comparing your relationship or marriage with another's. -2nd Corinthians 10:12

The two golden rules are in Ephesians 5:22-23 and verse 25 respectively. When a marriage fails it is a sign that the rules have been disobeyed.

Reciprocate respect

Family is Royalty. There is a king, a queen,  princes and princesses. Learn humility in royalty.

There is also honour in royalty

Love is hard work. You need almost no effort to  fall in love but you need so much effort to stay  in love.

You must fall in love again and again with each other. You must also evaluate your relationship.

When children start growing, know that they are watching your steps and will likely walk in it.

You must determine to give the best impression and help them become better spouses in future.

A woman is fragile

Communication is the best way to handle conflicts. Don't stop talking.

Be a woman and don't feel cheated. You don't need to compete with your husband  or argue submission. You don't need to bring the law of rights and equality to marriage, thus changing the creator's narrative and manual. When your head is too big as a woman, your crown will not size you.

Also, get a mentor. Proverbs 20:18 talks about good and godly counsel for relationships and marriages

Be a woman and don't feel cheated. You don't need to compete with your husband  or argue submission. You don't need to bring the law of rights and equality to marriage, thus changing the creator's narrative and manual. When your head is too big as a woman, your crown will not size you.

Also, get a mentor. Proverbs 20:18 talks about good and godly counsel for relationships and marriages

Instructions are never convenient but they are always profitable.

Variety is the spice of life as William Cowper's poem,  "The Task (1785)" puts it. Introduce new and exciting practices in your relationship. Get rid of routine and explore

With godly wisdom, bring new wine to the table of your relationship.

A woman is an administrator

There are three seasons in the life of a man. Morning, noon and evening. Treat the wife of your youth with care and love so that you last till evening and enjoy the benefits of building a godly home.

The fear of God in you guides your actions towards your spouse/partner. Unresolved conflicts will not make you enjoy God's presence in your relationship/marriage. God's presence detests strife and contention.

In marriage, God answers every cry for help. Learn the art of prayer. War with prayer! 

The best time to pray is when all is going smooth. A farmer who starts planting while others are harvesting will stay hungry. He will have to wait until those seeds germinate before he can eat.

There is no marriage in heaven. Your marriage can work out fine. Do not look at the failing marriages around you. Just do your part and let God bless your marriage.

 

The second chapter talks about Romance and finance, Romance and child nursing,  the principle of opposite sides attracting and the love language of spouses. On the other hand, chapter three goes on to talk about dealing with in-law and how life is a farm that obeys the law of sowing and reaping. She also writes about refusing to fight for yourself.

In chapter 4, mama Jane talks about feeding the man's ego and knowing how far to go as regards certain issues.  She also discuses the subject of domestic violence and the best way to teach. Chapter 5 goes on to tell is how a wife is a helper and a sponsor. Here, mama Jane Arowolo says that a woman should not fully take on the financial responsibility of the home. She also talks about how patience is a virtue and that your spouse is a work in progress. She ends this chapter saying that somebody lacks someth]ng you have.

In chapter 6, mama Jane talks about the greatest assignment in marriage. She then proceeds to talk about the two golden rules in the book of Ephesians. After this, she opens our eyes to 5how respect is reciprocal and that wisdom and knowledge are really needed in every marriage.

Chapter seven opens with the concept of royalty. It discusses how the man is a king in the palace and the woman is a queen in the palace. It also talks about how love is hard work and ends with the fact that your children (when they start coming) are always watching you.

In chapter 8 we learn that women are fragile and that men should learn to deal with it. We also. See a different side to handling conflicts and the need for a worthy mentor in your relationship or marriage. It finally discusses how rk be a woman without feeling cheated (shunning the extremist views of feminism)

Chapter 9 talks about variety being the spice of life and the need to avoid a boring relationship at all cost. To do this, you simply need to think. Out of the box and bring up. Exiting things, build. Memories and engage activities to make your relationship or. Marriage beautiful. This chapter then talks about the old. And new. Wine and the need for constant new, fresh Wine in your relationship or marriage. She then proceeds to talk about women being the best administrator in a marriage or relationship and how that there are three seasons in the life of a man (with specific emphasis on the evening of a man's life).

She concluded with chapter ten talking about the need for the fear of God and the presence of God in every relationship or marriage. She also talks about prayer, the greatest weapon in marriage and how that as believers, you. Must live your fullest in your marital life because there is no marriage in heaven...

 

This book is a true testament to the fact that God is still very interested in building perfect relationships and families. The author,  Pastor Jane Arowolo (popularly called mama Jane) has a mandate to teach what it takes to succeed in marriage.  She is a graduate of Public Administration from Ambrose Alli University  and has been into active ministry for over 18 years. She is a co-pastor at Glorious Dynamos Life Ministry and the Vice President of Success and Life Network.  She anchors "Direction for Singles and Married", "Ladies and Gents Conference", "Just4Ladies", "When Mother's Pray" and "Daughter's of Zion". She is happily married to her best friend, Apostle Wale John Arielle and their union is blessed with three covenant men.

 

The Daily Relationship Prayer Guide

Every relationship needs deliberate and consistent prayer. This is because, without it, such relationship can quickly become stale with each spouse’s heart hardening with every passing day until they are on the brink of a breakup. Prayer forms a bond that is stronger than basic communication.

Relationships and marriages were originally created to be triangular in nature, having God, the man and the woman as active participants in it. The presence of God is what keeps the relationship going, excluding the other activities you may engage in on a horizontal plane with your partner. This month at the Two Become One Community, we have committed ourselves into praying for our partners, relationships and future spouses. In the following action prayer paragraphs, we have highlighted a few reasons and things to pray for in your relationship. As a guide, you can take one paragraph daily as a prayer point until you finish up all days.

 

1. Pray to God to help you both to know Him more.

A strong relationship is built when two people, moving in the same direction try to become more like Jesus. To do that, they must connect with God through the Word and prayer, among other spiritual activities. Each person must gently encourage the other when they are not engaging in these practices regularly and celebrate each other when they grow spiritually.

 

2. Pray for Help to love like God loves.

Partners will never contemplate breakup or a divorce when they are busy making sacrifices for each other’s welfare. In praters, partners should make a covenant with God to love each other the way Christ loved His church. This will allow you to sacrifice often and forgive each other easily, thus helping you achieve joy and purpose in the relationship. Not only will you discover a newfound love for your partner, you will also live the abundant life Christ promised.

 

3. Pray for Help to see each other the way God does.

Everyone makes mistakes because of the imperfect nature of flesh. While we are dead to sin, it is still easy to get down on each other when we’ve allowed busyness and other distractions to detract from the relationship. Partners should prayerfully reflect and ask God to help them see each other the way He sees them. Consult Scripture and pray regular blessings over your partner. When you take time to bless your partner, the blessings will come back to you in a deeper love and appreciation for them. And you will see each other just as God sees them - who they truly are (loved by God).

 

4. Pray for Help to forgive like God forgives you.

Matthew 6:15 says, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive yours.”  

Forgiveness is hard, especially in marriage where your spouse has wronged you through infidelity or another grievous sin. But there is nothing that can’t be forgiven because it is all covered under the blood Christ shed for us on the cross (in marriage). However, if such happens while you’re both courting, read here Things to Do when your Partner is in another Affair to know what to do.

When a relationship prayerfully functions with this reality in mind, you can (with Christ’s help) free your partner from the prison of sin—and free yourself from the burden of unforgiveness.

 

5. Pray for Help to be slow to anger.

In Psalm 86:15, we understand that God shows compassion toward those He loves, and so should we. Pray and ask God to help you see your partner with His eyes and not your own. It will change the way you see and act in your marriage. Practice compassion and be slow to get angry. The less angry you become, the more love you’ll show.

 

6. Pray for Help to be slow to speak.

It’s a popular saying that God gave us two ears and one mouth because He wants us to listen twice as much as we speak. Much as God wants to use us as His mouthpiece, He sometimes just wants us to remain silent. A part of spiritual maturity attained in the place of consistent prayers to God, is discerning when God wants us to speak and when He doesn’t.