How to be Intentional with Your Partner’s Birthday

 

August 23rd every year marks my baby, Adeola’s birthday. My birthday comes on the 9th of June which is almost two months before. I have noticed overtime that both dates are perfect in timing and except you are unserious with your relationship life, it really doesn’t cost you anything to be intentional about your partner’s birthday.

The Difference Between Dating and Courtship

The issue of whether we should date or court as Christians is a really critical one and it is rarely talked about in the body of Christ. Let's go over it and then draw our conclusion. This was my answer to a question that was asked in our online Whatsapp community. (You may join our community by clicking here)

Dating is a word coined, crafted and largely associated with the world. It usually has no basic boundaries or ethics. It however has a number of attributes alongside its assumed rules and values:

First, two people can claim mutually to be boyfriend and girlfriend if they are physically attracted together (not if God says). Also, there are no boundaries or ethics in this type of relationship and sadly, they most often end their relationships after a while - few months and years in some cases.

Although the above points are generalizations, they are true depictions of most cases regarding dating. Courtship based on the biblical model of love, romance, sacrifice, dignity, and covenant implies the following about how two people could begin a process that may eventually lead to marriage:

1. Both parties should back off, receive counsel, and pray to hear from God with other mature leaders and/or parents before allowing their hearts to be pulled towards each other emotionally/romantically. Part of discerning the will of God is judging whether or not the other person meets the biblical criteria and qualifications of being a good mate, being able to raise children, and being a family leader.

2. Attraction should never be only physical. Based on 1 Thessalonians 5:23, one should be attracted to another in three areas:
a. Physically
b. Emotionally and Intellectually
c. Spiritually (this includes personality).
 

This is to say that a person needs to meet the criteria in each of these three areas. For example, it is a huge mistake to marry a person because they are strong spiritually when not attracted to them physically. They also need to be two people who have confirmed beyond all doubts that it is the will of God for them to be together. Again, in a courtship, at some point, the man should formally ask the woman's father, parent, or relevant guardian for permission to marry the woman before he officially proposes to her. 

 

With these and a whole lot of other processes that goes with courtship, there is a very clear difference between dating and courtship. The Bible is so in tandem with courtship than it is with dating. Ranging from sexual purity to having guardians and hearing from God. It will be conclusive to say that courting should come first (not dating) and then marriage.

How to Identify Red Flags in a Relationship

Red flags

We saw this red flag but then we continue thinking things will work out or because we feel stuck and we don't know how to walk out of it or the feeling of what will people think of me!

This is a big shout out to the men & women out there who know what they wanted and did not settle for less. I will talk about it later in the day.

10 Games Every Long Distance Couple Should Play Today

The essence of playing games as a couple is to have activities that always bring you together. With nothing bringing you together, your significant other will gradually become insignificant. Hence, the constant need to stay connected. One of the ways to foster quality connection between you and your significant other is to create time for each other irrespective of your tight and busy schedules.

The essence of this article is to ease the stress of thinking back and forth on how best you should spend your time together, or what to spend your time with your partner doing. This article discusses ten (10) fun and exciting games you can play with your partner even when you are miles apart.

How to Make the Game Fun

You can choose to play the games with other couples onsite or online. If you decide to play the game online due to the distance between you and your partner and you also decide to play the game with other couples, can create a common group for all of you either on WhatsApp, Telegram, or Facebook where essential information about the game will be discussed before the start of the game.

If you and your partner are the types who enjoy playing large and having a good time on a larger scale, you can make your game nights/days even more enjoyable by choosing platforms where your games are more open to a broader audience. It'll resemble a reality show. Twitter spaces, Clubhouse, Instagram Live, and Facebook live can all be used to do this. You can invite random couples to participate or keep it closed to just you and your couple buddies.

Try to explore all your options and do what works best for you, most of these games are simple and there are a few on the list for real gaming enthusiasts too. Without further ado, let’s dive straight into the games.

1. Truth or Dare

This is an age-long game played among friends and couples. The rule of the game is to take turns on who is to ask the question truth or dare. Turns can be taken onsite by spinning a bottle or randomly if the game is being played online. The person whose turn it is has to pick “Truth" or "Dare"

Picking "Truth" requires you to give a totally honest answer to a question asked by one of the players while Picking "Dare" requires you to carry out whatever action you're dared to, failure to do so means disqualification.

2. Never Have I Ever

This is one game you have to play with an open mind, each person has a limited number of "lives" let's call it that for the sake of this article, a statement is read out from a source, could be the internet or the players could come up with their own, so, for instance, the statement is "never have I ever gotten drunk" every player who HAS gotten drunk loses a life, anyone who HASN'T retains their life, the last player with lives left after a series of questions wins the round. In a game like this you can easily get to find out things you probably didn't already know about your partner, try not to take things personal, see it as a chance to get to know them a little better, and have discussion topics for later.

Read: Top 10 Restaurants in Ebonyi for Lovers this Valentine’s Day

3. Complete the Lyrics

This is quite simple and would be really fun for music lovers, one of the players says the lyrics to a song, and the player whose turn it is would be expected to correctly finish the lyrics, you might know the song or you could guess what it could be and find out if you're psychic.

4. Yes or No

This is another game that could make you and your partner burst into laughter now and then. To play the yes or no game, a simple and direct question that is supposed to have the answer YES or NO will be asked but you are not allowed to answer the question with either YES or NO.

For instance, if you ask a question like “did you fall in love with me at first sight?” a normal answer will be YES or NO but for this game the player is required to answer by saying something like, “from the first time I set my eyes on you, I knew that you were the one for me” or “oh, it was after we became

friends and got a bit closer”. Now, the game gets more fun and intense after the first question because you are to keep asking questions that require them to reply either yes or no without giving the player time to think about it. So, you can follow the first question with “did you say you just fell in love with

me at first sight.” and “did you think I was beautiful” or “were we sitting close to each other when we met” and you can go on and on and on until the person finally answers a question with either yes or no. The person who lasts the longest without saying any of these words (Yes or No) wins the game.

Guess the Movie

This game would be enjoyed by couples who see movies a lot. Depending on what you have access to, it might be a short clip, a picture or you can say out loud a statement from a movie and your partner will be required to guess the movie where the clip, picture, or statement was gotten from.

I Spy

This game is really popular and you have probably seen it done in movies when a family is on a road trip or vacation but

it doesn't always require players to be in the same space, I think

playing this game when you're in a different space than your partner adds to

the excitement and fun, you get to really think about where your partner could

be and what they could be looking at. In "I spy" a player says "I spy with my little eye, something..." then leaves a clue about what they're looking at, the clue could be a color, shape, or both, players set the rules and can have all the fun they want for as long as they want.

Two Truths and One Lie

I'm a terrible liar so I probably would be terrible at this one, the game requires you to make three statements about yourself, two of them should be true and one should be a lie, the aim is to make the lie sound as convincing as possible or at least not obvious and the other player or players have to try to figure out which of the statements is false.

This or That

This or that is a simple game that helps you know a person's preferences, it's really straightforward: two options are given by one player say "strawberry or chocolate" and the other player or players simply pick one over the other. You might've thought your partner or friend loves strawberry ice cream just to find out they're actually mad over chocolate, makes for a good laugh and conversation and gives you a little more insight into your partner or the other players.

Need For Speed

This game is one of many classic car racing games and has different versions some of which have multiplayer capabilities. If you and your partner are car lovers of just like a good healthy competition then you'll enjoy this.

Set up your cars how you like and see how your racing machine and skills compare to your partner's, take on different challenges, events, and race tracks, and don't be scared to rub it in your partner's face when you leave them in your dust, I'm kidding, don't take the bragging too far.

Call of Duty

The mobile version of this game has gained traction over the last few years, call of Duty is a multiplayer game that can simply be summarized as teams taking each other out to achieve an objective or till there is only one team or player left. The game allows teammates to communicate with each other during matches so you can strategize, experience each other’s reactions, or just have good conversation while playing. There are loads of ways you can play games like these and they tend to pull pure undiluted reactions from players especially in heated moments while playing. There are several ways a couple can enjoy this game together, here are a few suggestions; build each other's load-outs, have a kill race, give each other in-game challenges and play with another couple as a team or against each other to spice things up.

Remember these games are all aimed at helping you get closer with your partner, get to know each other better, and create fun memories together irrespective of the difference in your location. You can decide to have all the fun you want while

playing any of these games. Also spice things up and make them

work for you. I hope to see you in the comment section where you can share with

us your favorite of all 10 games. Also, feel free to share new and fun games

that couples can also play in the comment section. 

Communication in Your Relationship The essence of playing games as a couple is to have

activities that always bring you together. With nothing bringing you together, your significant other will gradually become insignificant. Hence, the constant need to stay connected. One of the ways to foster quality connection between you and your significant other is to create time for each other irrespective of your tight and busy schedules.

Conclusion

The essence of this article is to ease the stress of thinking back and forth on how best you should spend your time together, or what to spend your time with your partner doing. This article discusses 10

fun and exciting games you can play with your partner even when you are miles

apart.

How to Make the Game Fun

You can choose to play the games with other couples onsite or online. If you decide to play the game online due to the distance between you and your partner and you also decide to play the game with other couples, can create a common group for all of you either on WhatsApp, Telegram, or Facebook where essential information about the game will be discussed before the start of the game.

If you and your partner are the types who enjoy playing large and having a good time on a larger scale, you can make your game nights/days even more enjoyable by choosing platforms where your games are more open to a broader audience. It'll resemble a reality show. Twitter spaces, Clubhouse, Instagram Live, and Facebook live can all be used to do this. You can invite random couples to participate or keep it closed to just you and your couple buddies. 

Relationship Gist (Things You Should Talk About In Your Relationship)

Read: 5 Tips to Help You Build a Better Relationship

Try to explore all your options and do what works best for you. Most of these games are simple and there are a few on the list for real gaming enthusiasts too. Without further ado, let’s dive straight into the games.

Conclusion

Remember that these games are all aimed at helping you get closer with your partner, get to know each other better, and create fun memories together irrespective of the difference in your location. You can decide to have all the fun you want while playing any of these games. Also spice things up and make them work for you. I hope to see you in the comment section where you can share with

us your favorite of all 10 games. Also, feel free to share other fun games that couples can also play in the comment section. 

12 Questions Every Courting Christian must Ask in their Relationship

As much as you feel like you have a good knowledge of your partner before you started dating, it is important to note that you can never fully know a person in the time you are looking to be in a relationship. 

In this article, we will be discussing 12 questions that every courting Christian must ask in their relationship. Couples need to learn about each other so that the relationship will grow healthy. As a Christian, your values need to align with those of your partner, hence the need to ask important questions. 

At the same time, all the questions in this article are all to be asked with an open mind to know more about your partner. I will advise you not to exhaust all these questions in a single conversation especially if your partner is not aware that you have a list that you are running through. Do not criticize your partner if an answer he or she gives you does not sit well with you. Remember, each question is aimed at you getting to know each other better. 

1. Tell me about your personality

This question is aimed at getting to know your partner’s temperament this is a very important question that a courting Christian should ask so that you will know how to relate with your partner in the relationship and marriage.  

2. Tell me about your three closest friends: 

it is often said that the life, progress, and growth of a person are determined by the first five closest people to them. Asking to know your partner's three closest friends will help you to get to know more about him or her. 

Read: 

3. Tell me about the best day of your life: 

We all have some days in our lives that we cherish so much. These are days we call the best day(s) of our life. Getting to know the best day of your partners' life will also leave a clue as to what they cherish the most. 

4. Tell me about your prayer life

as a Christian, your relationship with God should be a top priority, this should also be the case for your partner or a person you're thinking of having as your partner. A person who's truly centered their life around God would not for any reason seek to displace God for anything else in their relationship. Now one of you will most likely have a more stable relationship with God than the other but where there's a will there's a way and remember, iron sharpens iron. 

5. What are your most prized values: as a Christian, you want to be sure that your values align with that of your partner to avoid future clashes in your relationship. For instance,  if you hold integrity as one of your core values,  you want to be sure that your partner is also a person of integrity.  

5 Things You Should Know Before You Start Dating 

6. Tell me about your parents' relationship while you were growing up: This is another important question every courting Christian needs to ask in their relationship. It is important to have a knowledge of how your partners' parents were in their relationship with each other this is because the way love was shown to and in front of your partner while growing up will determine your partner's perspective on what love means how it should be expressed.  

7. Who is God to you: This is a direct but essential question you should ask in your relationship as a courting Christian. Your partner's knowledge of who God is to him or her will show in the way he or she answers this question and this can also serve as a pointer to how much your level of spirituality will be even in marriage.  

8. How is your relationship with your parents: One of the commandments that were laid down to us by God is to honor our fathers and mothers. The person you are in a relationship with must be on good terms with his parents and family because this will be a determining factor of how well you will be welcomed in his family. It will also determine to a large extent how he or she will relate with your family members.  

9. What is your opinion about sex outside of marriage: no courting Christian should ever skip or overlook these questions as both must be on the same page when it comes to how you perceive sexual matters. One of the things that courting Christians are always reminded of is the need to abstain till marriage. This question when asked will help to avoid future clashes on personal beliefs. 

10. What are your hobbies: This question seems random and simple but you must know the things that your partner loves to do as it brings a better understanding of your partner and things that could help bring more life to your relationship. 

5 Ways to Keep a Long Distance Relationship Alive

11. Tell me about your past relationships: just like a person's relationship with their parents, past relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners plays a huge role in determining their perspective towards their present and future relationships. Knowing what their past experiences have been would help you understand why they are the way they are to a good extent and could also help you know what to watch out for so they don't reveal past experiences. With this, you also know how you can help them get over certain things from their past too.

12. Why do you want to be in a relationship with me: You might be thinking that the answer to this should be pretty obvious and even if it is not whoever the 'aspiring partner' is would probably come up with some sweet things to say to get you interested in them too but it's always important to know a person's intentions before starting a romantic relationship or at the very least, very early in the relationship. If their answer doesn't sit well with you then you know what answer to give and if in the course of the relationship they begin to act contrary to what they said at the start you know something probably changed or wasn't right at the start can approach the situation wisely.

Are there other questions that came to mind as you were reading this post? Share them with us in the comment section. 

Other Posts:

5 reasons why keeping a joint relationship journal is essential for you and your partner.

2 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Sex and Sexual Activities Before Marriage

Should You Spiritualize Everything in Your Relationship

Self-love before Romantic Love

Infatuation or Love?

Sisi Salewa 2 (Infatuation or Love)

Sisi Salewa 1 (Infatuation or Love)

5 Major Turnoffs to Avoid in Your Relationship

Èmí Ògá (The Spirit of the Boss 2)

Èmí Ògá (The Spirit of the Boss 1)

Let's Talk About You. 

5 tips for Better Relationship

Love is Important

My Love Letter

Having an Opposite-Sex Bestie friend

Friendship in a Relationship.

Privacy in a Relationship 

Who Should Say Sorry First?

Communication in a Relationship 

Relationship Gist (Things Couples Should Talk About in their Relationship)

5 tips on how to survive a breakup. 

Being with the right person 

Couple's Gist 

7 Pointers to a Healthy Relationship 

How Often Should I Say “I Love You” To My Partner?

At one point or the other in our relationship, there comes this awkward moment maybe after a long heart-to-heart where you think to yourself “should I tell him I love him now or should I wait?”

We often get confused as to how to make use of these 3 cute little but strong words- I LOVE YOU. At times you meet a couple and you find it wired and probably irritating that at every moment or every time they are together they use these words so much and on the other hand you see another couple that barely says these words to each other and now you are confused as to what the right way should be- you just want to know when it is getting too much or when you should say it more.

This is what today's blog post will be about.

Before we move too far, let’s see what these three cute little words are capable of. Saying I love you can get overly irritating at a point- say a lady that calls her boyfriend almost every hour of the day to tell him that she loves him. She might think to herself- "I am just letting him know that I love him" but this might start annoying her boyfriend. At the same time, she might start getting angry because her boyfriend who claims to love her does not even say it to her- she needs assurance.

These words I LOVE YOU have a lot of power. When used in the right context and said the right way, they can make the hardest heart melt, and turn the hottest situation between a couple into long-lasting tears, a hug and cuddle tournament. And when used at the wrong time or context, can be as bad as pouring fuel onto a burning car. This is to simply state that there can be a right or wrong way of making use of these words.

Damilare got back from the gym and he remembered that his wife- Tola asked him to please get her two large onion bulbs from the grocery store on his way. That was the only thing that she needed to finish preparing for their launch. When Damilare got in and Tola asked for the onions, he remembered and told her that he forgot. Tola (sad, tired and angry said to him with tears almost rolling down her cheeks) “why did you forget, I begged you and you said you will get it for me, I really would have gone for it myself but I am so tired from all the cooking and cleaning in the house, what do I do now?” Damilare recognizing what he has done went up to his wife and apologized for forgetting to get the onions from the grocery store. Tola looking all tired replied to him, “you said you were sorry the last time too babe.” Damilare went further to tell her that he had a lot on his mind but it was never his intention to make her sad. With a little lift in her spirit, Tola sighed and said “it is ok babe.” And then, at that moment, Damilare looked her in the eyes and used the three cute little words. He said, “Hey babe, I love you, I really do.” And that was it, a pause to cooking and a play to a 30 minutes romantic moment filled with kisses, hugs, cuddles, and love in the air.

Whew! Those words must carry a lot of weight. Sonia on the other hand was that girl that felt she needed to let her boyfriend know every time that she loves him. Keve on the other hand is a person that thinks saying ‘I love you is overrated. This raised some dust between this couple and at last when they got to talk about the whole ‘I love you’ issue, Sonia stated how she felt and she wanted Keve to just always assure her that he loves her. Keve still thinks he does not have to spell it out for her to know that he loves her. At the end of their conversation, Sonia requested that her boyfriend at least give her assurance again. Keve (who was still wondering what the connection between saying it and feeling assured is) said to Sonia in a sharp, low almost grumbling tone ‘I love you.’ Wasn’t that supposed to make Sonia feel assured? It didn’t, she rather felt so unloved and she left angry. What a world!

From the two scenarios, it is important to note that, it wasn’t just the saying of those words- I love you, but it was the emotions that came with them that gave them the power they had. Which is to tell us that there is more to those words than just saying them or how many times you say them to your partner. Context and emotion are key. To some people like Keve, saying these words is not even as important as showing it- which can be true, but what if you have a Sonia as a partner- whoo thinks stating the love is super important?

Emotions mean so much, it speaks the real message, they can be said to be the mitochondrion (powerhouse) of anything we say. Far from saying you love that person that is so dear to your heart, you have to make sure that you always mind the kind of power- emotions that come with the way you talk to your partner. That is one of the things that matter, it is not about just saying it, it is about making them feel it, in the way that you mean it. When I say emotions, I mean your facial expression, body language, tone, and actions at that moment.

Does getting the right emotions give us the license to say “I love you” every minute or once in a blue moon?

In your relationship, you need to know what works for both of you so that you won’t be doing things the wrong way thinking that you are trying to help or make things right. As much as you can, it is best to let your partner know that you love them, this helps to make your partner recognize that they still have a space in your heart. But is it true that saying “I love you” is overrated? I would say- No. maybe just the words that we use in conveying this message and emotions is what is overrated. You can still let your partner know that they mean so much to you without saying “I love you.”

Other ways that you can covey this emotion of love to your partner are:

• Saying, “honey you mean so much to me”

• “I appreciate the way you love me “

• “being with you is not a mistake because you bring out the best in me” etc.

There is this common saying that “action speaks louder than voice.” You can also let your partner know that you love them by doing for them those things that matter to them. This can be as small as helping them out with a chore or attending a game with them or being there when they need someone to give them a listening ear. If you can do this alongside stating verbally that you love your partner, you are going to be building stronger bonds between the both of you.

The truth is it is no right or wrong amount of time to say the “I love you” but for those that say it, they say it, no matter what because when said with the right emotions and followed by the right actions, it yields a great result. They say it:

• When they are feeling happy and mushy 

• Literally all the time

• Even when they are angry

• When they just want to be vulnerable

They say it all the time (but not to the extent of being in their partner's face frustratingly).

I Love You 😘

Related Posts:

Privacy in a Relationship

Who Should Say Sorry First?

Communication in a Relationship 

Friendship and Relationship ( Importance of Friendship in a Relationship)

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5 tips on how to survive a breakup. 

Being with the right person 

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3 Lies that Satan tells Singles and How to Combat them

The devil has a reputation as the father of lies
 

1. You need to Date

When the devil comes to you, he brings up seemingly interesting discussions such as "how will you be able to handle a relationship if you’ve never been in one? You need to learn how to talk to people of the opposite sex. You’re awkward... and all that" He also tells you that, dating will help you be prim and proper for when you meet the one. However, this seemingly harmless advice can turn harmful. Soon enough, you will need to practice kissing, intimacy and other things in order to be prepared for your significant other. Incidentally, when you meet the person God has for you, you might be broken and dealing with soul ties. 

This is why it’s best to trust God’s timing and not force situations to happen. Feeling that you need practice does not indicate your trust in God. God will use experiences, tests and even the mundane parts of your life in order to prepare you for your future spouse (read the book of  Ruth). Trust that God is working all things for your good.

2. You’re Too Old

If you are having a crisis because your biological clock is ticking, you should know that it's the devil's lie at work. Do not fear because God’s timing is not always the same as yours. The devil will usually come through your relatives and friends who will begin to pressure you into a relationship because you’re almost 30. You’re panicking because with each additional year, you feel that your opportunity of meeting someone significantly decreases. However, God can place someone at a bus stop who can completely transform your life. We must have child-like faith and trust that God knows what we need.

If you are older and haven’t met your spouse, you are in good company. Jesus started his ministry at 30 (and was single whilst on earth) and Joseph began serving Pharaoh when he was 30.

3. You’re not Good Enough

No one likes you. You’re too weird, fat or (fill in the blank with the lie the enemy has for you). Counter these lies with God’s truths. You have to be aggressive in casting down the taunts of the enemy! God says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. When lies are entrenched in your psyche, it affects your countenance, how you talk and your self – esteem. When God finally blesses you with a good thing, you may be constantly doubting yourself. As a result, the relationship suffers.
Counter these lies by soaking yourself in God’s word. Mediate on His promises. Be proactive in what you allow your ears to hear, eyes to see and lips to utter.

Things couples should talk about in their relationship

Over and over again, it is constantly said that communication is the foundation of every relationship. For couples to grow and learn more about who their partner is, they have to always communicate and pay rapt attention while doing that. While some couples believe that communication should not be something that couples do daily, some couples believe that it is essential for their relationship to be healthy but the problem is that they seem to run out of ideas on what to talk about when they are with their partner.

At the start of the conversation they go all, how are you?, how was your day?, what did you eat?, are you ok? And that is all, they have run out of things to talk about. But in every relationship, there has to be something called Intentional Conversations.

Intentional conversations are the kind of conversations that couples should engage in. Some call them The Serious Talk. 

They are discussions pertaining to your future, your aspirations and goals and that of your partner. Remember, the goal of effective communication is to help us know our partner better. You cannot say you know your partner if you are not aware of their life goals and aspirations.

Intentional Conversations in a relationship will help both partners to recognize the aspect(s) that their partner will need them most in their relationship and in achieving some of their goals. 

So, when we talk communication in a relationship, we talk of having conversations about our life's purpose as individuals, the purpose of the relationship, individual growth process, talks about the type of family you would like to have, spirituality in the relationship spirituality as individuals and the likes. 

If you are in a relationship and you haven't talked about those things listed above and more, Wow then you have got a long way to go. But it is not too late to start Intentional Conversations in you relationship. 

Having intentional conversations in a relationship helps the couple to know the stage they are individually and as couples, what to work on, how to help each other grow, it also gives an insight on what your partner thinks about a particular thing. Intentional conversations set the pace for the achievement of certain things in the relationship. Intentional conversations make you confident that you know your partner. Intentional Conversations help you grow your relationship to maturity. 

Related post: 7 pointers to an Healthy Relationship