Having a Opposite Sex Best Friend When in a Relationship

Today's post is about having a bestie of the opposite sex while you are in a relationship.

Most people tend to be more attracted to people of the opposite sex even just as friends. A guy might find his gist buddy as a female even when they have nothing together. No strings attached but friendship.

What then happens when one of the opposite sex bestie get into a relationship?

Only an insecure and bossy partner will not allow you to have a friend of the opposite sex but no one would be pleased to know that they are second in their partners life. A best friend is someone that is number one after God in an individual's life. This person knows so much about you that other do not know,  this person knows your secret, this person has been a bucket good enough to hold your emotions happy, sad, good or bad. When you need to rant this person is mostly the first you would consider to pour out your heart to, when you need an advice this person is the first you go to ask even when you know clearly that they might not have any solution to what is bothering you. You have so much confidence in them that they won't judge you and they would be very truthful with you at all times.
If one person can be all these to you under the tag of bestie then why can't the person be your partner?

" It would only cause problems and clashes. I just can't take it." Agnes replied when a survey was carried out to know what young individuals in a relationship felt about their partners having a opposite-sex bestie. From the survey 99% of the respondents said they would find it ridiculous that their partner would think of having a best friend of the opposite sex while the remaining 1% remained indifferent about the idea.

Having a best friend is ok but having a best friend of the opposite sex would only cause you a lot of problems.
 
When you and your partner have argument this makes it harder for you both to get over the issue quickly because instead of talking to your partner about the situation, you would go to your best friend and pour out your heart to him or her as the case may be. If this continue in the long run you would gradually lose the point of your relationship and one day conclude that you no longer love your partner. This is because you didn't leave a space for you both to work on your issues. Occasionally you people would assume you a couple with that best friend of yours, you would then have to answer questions all the time about how that person is not your partner.

This is not to say you should not have a close friend even when you are in a relationship but do well to define your relationship and friendship your partner should be that best friend and confidant that you need in your life not a friend of the opposite sex.
Opposite sex best friend will be a threat to your relationship in the long run.

Who Deserves More Respect in a Relationship?

I’d rather ask what Respect is and have you reply that ''Respect is reciprocal'' whereas, the respect you practice is far from reciprocity. Our contemporary conception of respect embraces the affixation of honorific expressions to one another’s name. While this is true pertaining to  an aspect of respect, it will be parochial to assume this is all it's worth.

Respect in its strict sense involves some calculated formalities, while being in love subconsciously eliminates those formalities. So if formalities are out of tingling feeling, does it mean respect is too? Such thought would be erroneous. In response to the question begging for answer here: None of the parties deserve it more and both deserve it all. 

RESPECT AND COMPLIMENTS.

Just like your dazzling wedding apparel, ladies are the centre of attraction and compliments in relationship. Yes! You get the wow! Beautiful in your gorgeous dinner gown before you whisper some flimsy you too. Guys are moved by what they see no doubt, but it takes nothing off you to be the first to tell him how handsome he look in the Tuxedo and how smooth his face is without moustache.

In short, Compliment is a form of respect that doesn’t make him love you less or consider you cheap. Drop some Roses from your basket of compliments. It’s some subtle form of selfishness to be on the receiving end always.

Showering compliments on the way looks, the things he does for you and those he refrains himself from doing because of you is a way of showing respect for his choices which makes you nothing but proud of Him.

RESPECT AND OPINIONS!

There is no such greater insult on a man as when his opinion is hulled back to his face. If you already decide on what to do without his say in your decision (that is when you must have chosen to dare and face the detriments of making tangible decisions to the exclusion of your Spouse), don’t go to Him and cause him to run mouth in vain. Seeking their opinion is one thing, ensuring their contribution reflect on your eventual resolve is another. The YES you said to him makes him a tangible part of you and as such every significant decision you make affects them.

Where going to Lagos on Thursday mean that your date on Thursday is cancelled, it’d be disrespectful and absolute disregard for Him not to let Him know and think it’s just a flimsy date anyways.

Any Investment with your own money with anybody whatsoever must not be engaged in without what he thinks about it.

Where they give you a piece of their mind that you believe to be wrong, it is only polite to explain why it may not go the way they think. It will be dangerous to agree with them on such wrong note and go behind them and do another.

It is vital to note that your seeking their opinion does not in any way say you are incapable of Sound Judgments and decisions. In fact, the first demonstration of your ability to make correct decisions for your life and future is reflected in letting your man what you are up to.

Of course, don’t tell him you are planning a surprise birthday for Him. Don’t be such a ruin mood.

RESPECT IN ANGER.

Sometimes it gets annoying, she gets on your nerves and you just want to walk away when he is still steaming hot. The only thing on your mind is to walk out on him so you don’t end up hearing or saying words unpleasant. Well, better DON’T. Don’t even turn the door knob let alone walk away especially when you are short of the manners to execute such walk away. Manners? When am angry? Hell no! Well, Heaven yes! You want a lasting relationship devoid of bruises and scars? Dear, try and learn that there is great agility in keeping your head when your spouse is losing His.

He may scream am not done talking, it is of course not fair on you to sit still and let him tear you to pieces with hurtful words he may not mean. Dear, let your own anger see a bit of light, and go with some lines that carries some ting of politeness. Well, I know you’re not done talking but I am sorry, I need to leave. Such approach smells Respect but simply opening the door and slamming it behind you says; well you can go to Hell.

RESPECT & HIS PRIVACY WITH HIS EX.

Well, they say you don’t forget your first love, not until you meet a stronger one. Whenever and wherever your spouse ex shows up, Insecurity and jealousy tells you to be all clingy giving them no breathing space while wisdom tells you to leave them alone and await your guy’s return. If you cannot trust your girl to resist advances and you have to follow her about or plant surveillance camera on her, it seem safe to say one or both of you need more of emotional maturity.

Respect her time with the Ex and if indeed you have found a good spouse worthy and deserving of your trust, she’d return to you because you are her Present and Her future and such build your confidence that your partner forgot his Ex because he found a stronger love in you.

Call it being careful, describe it as protecting what is yours, address it as using your employing common sense but the truth is that nothing but  pure insecurity and jealousy makes you tag along with your spouse at the slightest smell of His Ex. Dear what is yours is yours as long as you treat Her right.

RESPECT HIS ME TIME.

Don’t make the mistake of turning his ME time to an US time. There are times when we all just want to be alone with our thoughts clearing our head by just ourselves alone. Not even the love he feels for you will make him look forward to seeing you jam on His me time. Does that make you an unwelcome guest at those times? Does that mean he is going to get mad if you constantly barge in at these times?. NO. It will however be appreciable for you to withdraw from him at such times knowing your spouse temperament may be melancholy and as such he may need time travel to the land of thoughts once in a while. You may be his Sugarpie but he cannot deny his thoughts moments, that being alone matters to him at those times does not mean he love you less. Call him up much later and you’d know he’s got nothing to hide.

- By Adeyemi Comfort

How to Lead a more Spiritual Partner

It is very possible for a female partner to be more spiritually mature than her male partner. Especially if the man became a true follower of Christ many years after her. I’ve been a poor leader of my family, especially in spiritual matters. But by the grace of God I’m growing in my faith, and I’m slowly starting to take the reins of leadership in my family. My wife’s discernment, desire, and dependence on the Lord are incredible examples, and I often ask her advice and discernment in my search and reading through Scripture. So how can I better lead her?”

Let’s start with the foundations:

Hidden, But Now Revealed

The husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:23–25) 

Now that’s all very, very radical in every culture on planet Earth. It is a restoration of what God established in the garden of Eden and a transformation of the mess that the relationship became after the fall. It recaptures what God originally designed, and it redeems what was ruined in that design by sin. That’s the point of Ephesians 5: it restores headship or leadership, and it transforms that leadership by modeling it on the self-giving love of Christ for his church.

“God’s design of male and female, from the beginning, included this glorious destiny.” Tweet Share on Facebook
When Paul was finished in Ephesians 5, describing the relationship of husband and wife in this recovered and renewed dynamic, he said in verse 32, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” So, the mystery of marriage refers to Christ and the church. And the reason he calls marriage a mystery is not that it can’t be understood, but that it was kept secret for thousands of years, and has now been most fully revealed in relation to Jesus and his church.

In other words, the secret that human marriage is modeled on the coming relationship between the incarnate, crucified, risen Son of God and his blood-bought bride, the church, is mysterious. That’s the meaning of the mystery or the secret. There were hints of it, the mystery, in the Old Testament because God called himself the husband of Israel. But this full-blown pattern of Christ and the church is a new revelation and very radical in every culture on the planet.

Christ and His Church in View
The reason that calling marriage a mystery is relevant right here is because it tells us that when God created man as male and female, he already had in view Jesus Christ and his church as the model for Adam and Eve and all marriages to follow. This means that the wisdom of God created male and female in such a way, with such male and female natures, that in their most godly manifestations, they would rejoice in and flourish in the living out of Christlike headship and church-like submission. He made them that way; that’s the mystery. It was the model from the beginning.

The distinct calling of each of them would fit their created design. The calling would fit the design. They would be perfectly suited for this dynamic of leadership and submission. In other words, calling this relationship a mystery in Ephesians 5 assures us that God’s design of male and female, from the beginning, included this glorious destiny of the man echoing Christ in his role as husband, and the woman echoing the church in her role as wife.

Governed by Infinite Wisdom
And one of the reasons I’m stressing this is that I want you to have a clear sense of why you are called to lead your wife even when she is superior to you in significant ways. What is your calling to lead rooted in? Because if you don’t get that clear, you’ll probably just bail on this and say, “Well, there’s no point in trying to do this.”

And I don’t want you to say, “Well, the reason I am called to lead is because I am called to lead.” There are a lot of people today who more or less take that position: men should lead their families on the basis of the fact that men should lead their families. Or to put it another way: God says in the Bible that men should lead their families because men should lead their families.

I want to discourage you from thinking that God flipped a coin in the garden of Eden when he was deciding about leadership in the home. I want to encourage you not to think that God said, “Well, here we have two human beings that I have made. There’s nothing about them as I have created them that would make it fitting or especially beautiful for either one to always be the leader. I have not made them that way. Nothing about their male or female differences makes it better or more fitting that one should be the leader. But I want somebody to be the leader, so let’s flip a coin. Heads — Adam leads. Tails — Eve leads.” Flip. Heads — there you go. It’s settled for all history and codified in a book. God said so. “This is the way it’s going to be because I say so. I flipped a coin.” I don’t want you to think that.

“You should feel a uniquely masculine burden that the buck stops with you.” Tweet Share on Facebook
I think that notion of why you should lead, because God just flipped a coin or God said so, dishonors, discredits the wisdom of God. I don’t think God decides anything by flipping a coin — ever — for the simple reason that if he did, he controls which way the coin lands every time. There’s no point in flipping the coin. God never does anything whimsically or randomly — ever — because he’s governed always by infinite wisdom.

“O Lord, how manifold are your works! In wisdom have you made them all” (Psalm 104:24). That’s what you do. His decisions always reflect the profound suitableness and beauty of what he decides. That applies to the decision that husbands are called to be the leaders of their wives, and we’re both fitted to these distinct callings.

Lead from Below

So, here we are at your question, and you were pointing out that it doesn’t necessarily look like you are especially fitted for leadership, and she especially fitted for submission. You say that she is spiritually more mature than you are, and that her discernment, desire, dependence on the Lord are wonderful examples for you. So, how are you going to lead her?

By being thankful and expressing thankfulness to her and to others that she is as mature and discerning and godly as she is — and by not being the least intimidated or resentful of it. That’s your first job: confident, Christ-exalting thankfulness that you have such a wife. Oh my, what a gift.

And realize that what makes your leadership fitting and beautiful is not your superior knowledge, or your superior wisdom, or your superior insight, or your superior language skills.

She may be ahead of you in all of that, and yet the fitness of your leadership is still firmly in place. I’m not denying that knowledge and wisdom and the ability to speak are helpful in exercising leadership, but they’re not the essence of it. No, no, no, no, they’re not. Nor are they the essence of what a godly woman hopes for in her husband’s leadership. The essence of this God-given call on your life as husband is a mature, loving sense that you bear a primary responsibility for the relationship.

Special Kind of Care
Let me say that again because that’s the heart of the matter: the essence of the fitness for your leadership is that you sense a call, because it’s there from God for every man — a mature, loving sense that you bear a primary responsibility for this relationship, especially the flourishing of the spiritual life of the relationship. You should feel a uniquely masculine burden that the buck stops with you for making this relationship work. When anything is not working in this relationship, you feel the primary responsibility to get it fixed — even if she has the wisdom to fix it, and you ask her to use it.

God created men to bear this burden of mature, loving, Christlike, primary responsibility for the relationship. She has her responsibilities, but you take special initiative and bear primary responsibility before God that God’s pattern be joyfully fulfilled. That’s your calling. And it does not depend on being her superior; it depends on faith, and courage, and initiative, and sacrifice.

5 Ways to Maintain a Praying Lifestyle in Your Relationship

The absence of prayer does great harm to any individual, group, or thing.

Here are 5 simple ways to maintain a praying lifestyle in your relationship.

1. Prioritise Prayer

Yes, I know that you are very busy. You need to dress for work, earn more to cater for your family, cook, dress up your children for school and other chores. I am aware. Nevertheless, if you prioritize prayer, you will make time for it. The problem is clearly not lack of time, it is lack of priority. Prioritize prayer more and you will create time for it.

2. Use a To-Do List

To-do list is not just for a particular set of people, everybody needs it - including you. To-do lists will help you to direct your time and know what to do per time.

To prepare one, you only need to write all you need to do and attach the exact time that you desire to do each of the chores. Write one and include prayer in it.

 

Read: 5 Ways to Effectively Pray with Your Partner

3. Use Prayer Prompts/Set Alarms

"What if I wrote prayer in my to-do list and forget to pray at that particular time or get carried away by other house chores?"

Is that your question? I will answer it now.

Every phone has alarms. Use it to maintain prayerfulness by setting alarms for that particular time you have written as your prayer hour.

4. *PRAY ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE.*

Sometimes ago, I thought I could only pray on my knees with my eyes closed. My mentor then taught me that I can also pray even if I'm busy with other things.

That is, I can pray with my eyes open and my hands busy with other things like cooking, baking and other chores.

What if you need to cook or attend to your baby during your prayer hour, do both simultaneously!

5. Pray Together

Family devotion is also a great time to pray. Ensure to pray together as a family first thing in the morning and last thing before you sleep daily. Even though it is corporate (and not personal time with GOD), it will also help you to maintain prayerfulness.

The devil is trying to wage war against godly relationships and one way he is successfully doing this is by attacking the prayer lives of individuals in beautiful relationships.

Privacy in a Relationship

Have you ever thought of having privacy in your relationship? Is privacy even allowed in a relationship- whether courting or married?

 At certain points in our life and our relationship, we all want that alone time which might seem to our partner as if we are hiding something. This request might get them worked up that they might even start to feel insecure. The truth that we all know is that “too much of everything is bad.” How then will you know if you are getting overly worried about your partner asking for privacy or you asking for too much privacy?

There is a thin line between privacy and secrecy. Let’s see what both of them means:

According to the English dictionary:

 Privacy 

-The state of being secluded from

Presence, sight, or knowledge of others.

Secrecy

-Concealment; the condition of being secret or hidden.

Secret 

-A piece of knowledge that is

Hidden or intended to be kept hidden.

Too much privacy can be said to be secrecy. Too little privacy on the other hand can lead to relational claustrophobia.

Privacy and secrecy are closely related siblings, but privacy is definitely needed as humans- it is a basic human need. Without a private life, we possibly cannot shut out the world, withdraw from our social life and get to discover who we are and who we can be-when nobody is observing us.

Secrecy on the other hand is intentionally hiding information from someone. We can say that secrecy is characterized by the feelings of shame because we feel bad about that act that we committed, fear because we are afraid that letting out what we have done thinking it will lead to the loss of our loved ones- especially our partner, guilt because of what people will say about us, weakness because we feel what happened might be used against us later, and so much more. If you are feeling shame or fear or guilt about any particular thing you are not sharing with your spouse, chances are that you are being secretive not private.

For example, “I watch pornography and I have some part of my sex life that I haven’t told you about…” would be a secret if you are hiding it from your partner for the fear of losing or upsetting him or her.

Why Should I Have a Private Life or Privacy in My Relationship…

Like I stated above, privacy is a basic human need. Without privacy we cannot truly know our self. In a relationship or marriage, your privacy has to be shared with your partner and children (if any). Without a private life, you and your partner will lose yourself. In the early stages of a relationship - during the honeymoon stage there is a merging of you and your partner to become one tightly close entity. You form a bond so close that you go from ‘me to we’. It is no news that merging is an essential part of falling in love.

However, there is a time where you move out of the honeymoon stage into the crisis stage, at this point, staying merged with each other becomes a very big issue. In other to have a good relationship, having a private life is essential. Having a private life is the healthy expression of your personal boundaries.

Apart from this having a private life helps you to think and make decisions for your personal life. Every now and then you need to free yourself and your partner by giving each other space to do the things you loved doing. Privacy looks like this: Michael gets back from work and Janet has been waiting to tell him how her day went and seeing Michael, Janet started her story in excitement, but after couple of minutes, he asks her to give him time to rest and think about what went on in his own day. Of course, this would not have been a problem if it had not happened consistently for a week. Now Janet thinks Michael is seeing someone else, and lack of trust sets in. Only if Janet would understand that Michael only needed time to be alone and get something straight, and only if Michael would understand the importance of effective communication in every relationship. 

Did I in any way say privacy can lead to disaster? Yes!

At every point in a relationship, it is essential that both partners communicate effectively.

See:Tips for Effective Communication 

When it comes to privacy, it is essential to let your partner know what it is that you really want so that you won’t leave them confused or let them start assuming. Some people have some things that are super personal to them, these things are for them alone (even though they are in a relationship). Some individuals will never let you go through the messages on their phones, some would get super upset if they find you going through their journals. This does not make them secretive neither does it make them a bad person, it is just that they hold these things in high esteem and would feel naked if someone goes through them (I have heard people say they feel this way).

Is this supposed to eat into your relationship? No!

That is why there is a need for effective communication, if you don’t like your partner going through your stuff or asking you over and over again if you have done what you said you will do or calling you when you are out to confirm if you are where you said you were going to? then let them know that you don’t like it. On the other hand, if your partner said to you that he or she doesn’t like you going through his or her phone, no matter how much you want to think they are hiding something from you, try not to. That is the time to trust them no matter what.

In every relationship trust is essential.

Is it good or bad to tell your partner some things that they do not know about your past?

Without naming anything good or bad, I will say it essential that your partner knows everything that goes on with you, good or bad, this does not equate to you being totally in their face all the time. This just means building trust and transparency. When you tell your partner about something that happened to you, there is a very high tendency that they love, respect and trust you even more, because they feel like you opening up to them means that they mean so much to you. Never always assume that if you tell your partner something, they automatically would hate you for it, I am not saying it will go well all the time, there might be times where they would have to internalize the information you gave them and that might take a while but give them ample time- they will come around.

The best ways to discuss sensitive issues with your partner is to:

• talk it when they are not in a bad mood or when they are tired

• talk about it when they are less busy or when they are not doing the fun stuff that they love to do

• talk about it in a very sincere way such that they are not feeling that you are still hiding something

• talk about it with the right facial expressions and tone

 

If you are able to this, things should go well. Don’t forget to pray and tell God to take control too. Transparency is key, hiding something from your partner only for them to find out somewhere else will not only hurt or break them but it will make them loose the trust they had in you. However, when talking about sensitive things with your partner, it is important to know that has much has you want to be sincere you are also given only needed information and not extreme ones that can hurt them. Example, it is ok to tell your partner that you have a crush on your boss but too much to tell your partner that you like your boss because, he is tall and handsome and he has a deep and sexy voice. If your partner doesn’t ask for the details, kindly stick to the fact and truth, make it short.

Albeit, transparency is key and essential in every relationship, there are still some things that you should key away from your partner, at least for the main time:

• Surprises

• Another person’s secret that you are not to disclose

• Your nakedness (if you are not married)

Conclusion

Privacy is needed in every relationship, but secrecy is like a cancer in a relationship. Both partners should communicate effectively their boundaries to each other (if any) and each one of them should trust the other. Transparency is key in your relationship, there is no need to hide anything, just be wise about it and tell your partner.

How Two Become One

When God formed Eve out of Adam’s side and gave a reason for the creation of the marriage union, He also gave a summary of how a marriage and relationship is to function and what it is to birth.

This means first that marriage is an exclusive union between one male and one female. This also represents God’s original, pure definition of marriage.

Marriage forms a unique family unit. The building block of society, in God’s view, is the family unit. The nucleus of this family unit is the husband-wife relationship.

 

Marriage is meant to be the most intimate, fulfilling relationship that two people can experience. God’s Word describes marriage as a man and woman uniting to become one flesh. This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” - Genesis 2:24

After marriage, they are no longer simply two single individuals, but now the two make one unit, one couple. This does not mean that God’s joining of two people means that either one of them lose their individuality. They remain two separate people with distinct personalities, and with individual needs and desires. However, when we choose to join with another in marriage, we focus on the “we” and “ours”, rather than on “me” and “mine”. It is then that the Two Become One Journey begins properly. Partners become one body with God at this time so It would not be wise to take care of only part of your body and neglect the rest, else, the neglected part would suffer and cause the entire body to suffer too. 

Symbolically, a couple becomes one formally at their wedding ceremony, but learning to actually live as one does not happen instantly through the simple exchange of vows. This is one of many reasons why there is a courtship period to begin a bonding process. Since man fell, selfishness set in, making humans tend to be more concerned with our own comfort and happiness than with that of others. This is why we hear it said often that “marriage takes work”. 

Marriage is designed to be the closest possible relationship on the human plane. According to, Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew Lexicon, the word translated as “joined” in the New King James Version is the Hebrew word dabaq, which means “to cling, stick, stay close, cleave, keep close, stick to or to stick with”. This describes the close emotional bond that should develop between a husband and wife. Christ later explained this by saying, “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder” (Mark 10:9). Except in some circumstances where divorce is permitted, God’s standard is that marriages are to stay intact until death (Romans 7:2) and that husband and wife are to become “one flesh.”

Thus, Partners are one unit and they are to think and act in unity, expressing a level of mutual care and love for each other that is deeper than any other human relationship (Ephesians 5:22-33).

Intimacy

As discussed earlier, God designed marriage to be the most intimate relationship that two people can have. It is through that intimacy that two become one. Intimacy can be shared in different ways as shall be discussed in subsequent paragraphs.

Firstly, Emotional intimacy helps parties in a relationship to be willing to get exposed emotionally to one another. That way, you can be vulnerable and allow your partner to see the fragility of your emotions. Partners should never take advantage of emotional intimacy by attacking each others vulnerable areas. Each partner should protect the other partner's emotions. A relationship should be a place where each partner feels safe enough to be open about feelings.

Again, Spiritual intimacy is less thought of as a kind of intimacy, however, partners are meant to become one in many areas, even spiritually. They should each put Christ at the center of their marriage. Prayer, Bible study, and worship are great means to have an intimate relationship with Christ, so when two people share these things, they are drawn closer together. Partners need to pray for one another and spend time in prayer together. Taking time each day for a devotion or Bible study is a great way to bond together and to join with God in an intimate way.

Another is Physical intimacy. There is nothing more intimate that sexual intercourse. Through sexual intimacy, a couple becomes physically one, just as God designed. Couples should express physical intimacy outside the bedroom as well. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, and even just being playful are all forms of intimacy. A simple touch can communicate love, concern, compassion, appreciation, support, or understanding. 

However, please note that Sexual intimacy before and outside of marriage is wrong. It is only right when both parties are lawfully married so it is advised that courting couples should instead build emotional and spiritual intimacy. Sex, in the Bible, is described as a very pure act when it is practised within the marriage union. It is designed to physically and emotionally bond a married couple (1 Corinthians 7:2-4) and for reproduction (Genesis 9:7; Malachi 2:15).  On the other hand, emotional intimacy can be a much deeper connection than sexual intimacy. Also, sexual relationships do not always lead to emotional intimacy, but connecting with someone emotionally first, often leads to sexual intimacy (later in marriage). Again spiritual intimacy helps you build stamina to withdraw from sexual mishaps that could come while courting.

Intimacy on all levels should be reserved for your partner. If by the way, you need the support of someone else, then confide in a family member, a trusted friend of the same-sex, or seek the counsel of a pastor or counselor. Becoming one with your partner means that you put them and the relationship above all else, so honor your spouse and the relationship.

How to Secure Happiness in your Relationship

There is this feeling and want to talk to really old couples who are still alive and holding up together, happily. I want to ask what was able to put them together and sustain them - what they did, say or feel that made them unrelenting and extravagant in love. I want to also know how they held back from cheating on their partner and never got tired. I believe that there has to be a hack to this thing that stands relationships and marriages out.

Our generation has seen and gone through a lot that true love and commitment seems like a facade to anyone who hears it. Family is also becoming a thorn to young people out there who want to be independent at the slightest opportunity they get. Many people have seen through life that they would question true love and be very sensitive to the slightest things. They probably say that a happy couple is faking it or “you don’t know what they are going through” because there’s an image that makes us believe people can’t be genuinely happy in a relationship. Also, we somewhat try to see it like someone has to meet up with the other because we are scared to go the extra mile so as not to be seen as cheap or the one who’s doing the most. Meanwhile, when Jesus died for us in this love relationship, He was doing the most.

Of a truth, not everyone is happy. People go through abusive relationships and still appear happy but there are still people who go through really sweet relationships and have the time of their lives.

We need couples who would actually show these things without fear of it ending in tears because it actually won’t. As such, if you see people happy and posting their pictures and telling you how beautiful life has been for them, before you question whether they are happy or not, celebrate and possess your possession before your thoughts possess something else for you. People are genuinely happy. You might have seen something different in your life but you can actually choose to write your own story of love and secure your  happiness.

Read If Every Day was Valentine

Finally, if you’re in a relationship and scared to flaunt your partner (not because it’s not your thing but) because you think it would end in tears, ask yourself first if that’s the plan. If it’s not the plan, you should read our article here on how PDA is scriptural. Flaunting your partner is one sign of a happy relationship (although it happens otherwise too). You must know that you can be happy in your relationship and it truly depends on you.

7 Lessons from Queen Esther and King Xerxes

The story of Esther and Xerxes is common to many people as it is one of the Bible stories told over and over again. It Is the story of a young lady who through her character and obedience, finds favour and becomes the queen of king Xerxes in place of Queen Vashti. Looking into their story, below are some lessons we can learn from them both.

1. Esther was obedient. She was obedient to her uncle, she was obedient to Hegai who was in charge of her and her obedience paid off as she found favour and became the queen. Her obedience made her significant and it was her obedience that later saved her people from perishing. A woman who desires a positively exemplary home has to be obedient to God, her husband, parents and other authorities once it's not contradicting to the word of God and what she believes in.

2. King Xerxes was a man who knew what he was looking for and when he found Esther, he didn't hesitate to make her his. The Bible says he loved Esther more than all the other women that had come and he made her queen immediately. As we look forward to having homes in the future, it is important to spend time in prayer and with God, conversing with Him about what we want and what He'd have us do. This would save us stress of doing trial and error relationships and would make it more easy to recognize your partner when he or she comes.

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3. King Xerxes was almost always seeking the opinion of others. As a king, it was important but there were some decisions he could have made himself. Some of the opinions others gave him led to problems and didn't help the situation. Even if we seek for the opinion of others, we should weigh it with what we believe and think of the consequences before carrying such out.

4. Esther had to save her people from the threat of Haman. When she heard, and after she was spoken to by her uncle Modecai, she ordered that she and her maids and those who served her to not eat but to pray and seek God's face as she knew the consequences of visiting the king without him asking for her. A woman knees needs to be close to the ground and her voice constantly heard in heaven interceding for her family and that concerns her. This also applies to men. Both men and women have to understand the importance of prayer and apply it to their everyday lives.

5. King Xerxes had anger issues thus it took a woman who had studied and understood him and was wise enough to handle him. Don't make assumptions in relationships. Know as much as possible the person you're building with, with hopes to spend the rest of your life with and when there are signs, don't ignore them.

6. Esther knew her husband's weakness and used it to her advantage. She knew he loved wine and when he was in good spirits he could do anything. Thus, she used it to her advantage. We shouldn't use our partner's weaknesses against them but use it in a way that would benefit both of us. Esther could have died thus, initiating another search for another queen but she used King Xerxes weakness to save herself, her people and her marriage.

Read: When Spirituality bows to Emotions

7. King Xerxes had the habit of making decisions without thinking through. He was unwise in making many decisions which led to dire consequences. He made decisions without thinking through and for which when he had a rethink was too late or almost  too late. For example when queen Vashti was removed, when he gave Haman the authority to wipe out the Jews etc. As men and ladies, we are not to make decisions without thinking of the consequences and how it would affect not just us but every other person around us.