6 Things You Can Do on Valentine’s Day to Make Him Love You More

Who said men don’t need to be loved on a day like a valentine’s day? As a lady, you might be wondering if it is possible to make his day memorable this year valentine’s day because he never seems to be surprised. You might also be wondering how to make him love you more, valentine’s day or not. This article is definitely for you and before we move on, I want to ask you, do you know his primary love language? Knowing your man’s primary love language will help you to know how best to spice things up in your relationship. Just in case you don’t know his love language you will be able to catch a glimpse of it here. Below are 6 things you can and should do to make him love you even more this valentine and others.

1. Call Him 

Yes, baby girl, give him a call. We call this Valentine’s day appetizer. That nice voice of yours will be something he should wake up to especially on such a beautiful day. Although it might seem as if nothing surprises Him, He will love the fact that you gave him a call on valentine’s day. You can choose to do this in the morning or sometimes during the day when you know he would need something to ease the tension around him. It could be tension from work, school, or anything he might be doing at that time. Just give him that call telling him that you just called to check up on him and to make sure that he is enjoying

valentine’s day where ever he is then you can add any other sweetener to the conversation. 

2. Send Him a Gift

There is a wrong assumption that men do not need to be given gifts but that will be a total lie. As much as they can seem like the alpha creation, they remain human and also love to be appreciated. Funny enough, to a man a gift can be a pair of sneakers, a book, nice wear, a wristwatch, or food all you need to do is to know what your partner would like and get it for him.

3. Send Him a Mail

This is going to be one out of the blues act. Instead of an SMS send him a mail. Who expects to get mail from his girl on valentine’s day? Yes, send him a mail telling him how much you want him to enjoy the day. You can tell him anything you want. When you are done sending him the mail, you put it through to him and tell him to check his mail. Then watch the marvel unravel.

4. Pray for Him

What more can take the place of prayers. Speaking greatness into the life of your man on such a day will be one of the best things you can do for him. Men love to know that their partner supports them in all that they do. Valentine’s day will be a great day to speak some declarative prayers into his work, studies, growth, spirituality, and life as a whole. Then you can watch him shower you with more love.

5. Tell Him How Much You Respect Him 

One of the greatest needs of a man is to be respected. Considering the position that God has placed the, he is a leader by ordinance. He is not meant to boss you around but lead you to become a better version of yourself and have the best relationship. Appreciating your man for all that he has done so far, no matter how little is one thing that will make him love you even more. You should tell him how much you respect him and the way he approaches all that he does. As much as you want him to love you more and feel loved, you also need to be honest with him so, you should not lie to him if he hasn’t been doing some things right.

6. Take Him Out on a Date 

Taking him out on a date is one of the things that your man will not expect. You can tell him to meet you up somewhere and from there you can go to the place you planned to take him to. be sure to let him know that all expenses are on you. Let him know that you are ready to pamper him. You can then play games and have fun on your date. This will surprise him totally and make him wonder what a unique lady you are.

The most essential need of the male gender in any relationship is to be respected. Choose to make this year’s valentine’s day one where you man relaxes and enjoy himself. Ry any of the above activities on this year’s valentine’s day and watch him love you more.

In what other way would you celebrate valentine’s day with your partner?

7 Topics Couples should Discuss in their Relationship

Over and over again, it is constantly said that communication is the foundation of every relationship. For couples to grow and learn more about who their partner is, they have to always communicate and pay rapt attention while doing that. While some couples believe that communication should not be something that couples do daily, some couples believe that it is essential for their relationship to be healthy but the problem is that they seem to run out of ideas on what to talk about when they are with their partner.

At the start of the conversation they go all, how are you?, how was your day?, what did you eat?, are you ok? And that is all, they have run out of things to talk about. But in every relationship, there has to be something called Intentional Conversations.

Intentional conversations are the kind of conversations that couples should engage in. Some call them The Serious Talk. 

They are discussions pertaining to your future, your aspirations and goals and that of your partner. Remember, the goal of effective communication is to help us know our partner better. You cannot say you know your partner if you are not aware of their life goals and aspirations.

Intentional Conversations in a relationship will help both partners to recognize the aspect(s) that their partner will need them most in their relationship and in achieving some of their goals. 

So, when we talk communication in a relationship, we talk of having conversations about our life's purpose as individuals, the purpose of the relationship, individual growth process, talks about the type of family you would like to have, spirituality in the relationship spirituality as individuals and the likes. 

If you are in a relationship and you haven't talked about those things listed above and more, Wow then you have got a long way to go. But it is not too late to start Intentional Conversations in you relationship. 

Having intentional conversations in a relationship helps the couple to know the stage they are individually and as couples, what to work on, how to help each other grow, it also gives an insight on what your partner thinks about a particular thing. Intentional conversations set the pace for the achievement of certain things in the relationship. Intentional conversations make you confident that you know your partner. Intentional Conversations help you grow your relationship to maturity. 

Should You Spiritualize Everything In Your Relationship?

In our article here, we discussed how self-love should sometimes come before romantic love. By now you should know that you are not selfish just because you are showing yourself care. Someone once asked me, ‘Do you think it is appropriate to spiritualize everything in my relationship?’ Trust me, the question was a tricky one but I ended up saying NO. 

Today, I will be sharing with you why I think you should not spiritualize everything in your relationship.

Spirituality has to do with your concern and dedication to God. It has to do with your love for God and how connect with Him. As children of God, we should understand that there is no part of our existence that we should exclude God from. In John 15:5 Jesus said: “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” Jesus Christ has already made it clear that if we are his and he is ours we will have a great life, a life that will show forth good things including good relationship. But the moment we detach from him, we can do nothing. Having a good relationship with God will help us to choose who to be in a relationship with.

Nevertheless, we must know that we have an unspoken 11th commandment- Do your will. God in His infinite goodness has given us the grace of free will to make decisions that we think are best for us. But in His wisdom and mercy, He has given us the Holy Spirit to direct us every time we need to make a decision. It is true that the spiritual controls the physical but with the presence of the Holy Spirit in your life you never have to make any bad decisions as long as you are willing you follow His instructions.

Failure to involve the Holy Spirit in all that you do is the beginning of problems in your life but your life including your relationship because you will make the wrong decisions thinking that you have done something right. Let me tell you a little about Brian and Mercy.

Both of them are Christians and have been courting for two years and four months. They attended a seminar where the speaker- Nicholson Jacklar mentioned that it is important for individuals to know their health conditions before they got married. A couple of days after the seminar they both decided to go for a medical checkup and they got to know that Brian is AS while Mercy is AC. One would expect them to know the right thing to do (seek counsel and find ways to go their separate ways) but they decided to pray about it because they are in love with each other.

The presence of the Holy Spirit in you will help you to know when to pray when to seek advice from experienced people when to be patient with your partner or when to communicate with him or her. Families crumble just because they are waiting on God to lead them when they are just supposed to help out their partner with something or listen to each other.

Yes! We need God in our relationship but we need to be wise enough to know when to act and when to wait. Not everything needs to be spiritualized. 

Love is beautiful and we can nurture it to bliss.

How to Hold Up in a Long Distance Relationship

Intimacy in any relationship is built through constant communication and a level of distance between both partners, but then in a long distance relationship, the question remains: How far can you truly be from love? 

 

In our four years relationship (as at the time of updating this post), we have witnessed the close distance and the long distance cases. We have learnt that holding up the relationship at each other's end is a result of what both partners agree and make committment to. If both partners really want to make the relationship work despite the distance, it definitely will.

How we managed through these long distance relationship times, especially the activities that have kept us going through the long distance period have been compiled into this book. It is a list of engaging activities that can spice up Long distance Relationships and how you can go about them. All of these activities are based on our personal experience, so you would find words like ―us, we, my, ours and other word classes affiliating to us. 

You can also tag along as Hold Up or Uphold 😀. Someone mentioned this to us after we published. Whether you choose to hold up your relationship or up hold it, it is still a conscious effort to ensure that your relationship works.

 

If you are not in a long distance relationship either, you can choose to engage any of these activities. As a plus, we have included thirty five date ideas for you and your partner. These date ideas will come in handy especially when you need to relax and evaluate your relationship from time to time.

 

We would be happy to receive your comments and testimonies here after reading this book. It is our prayer that your relationship will continually glorify God (Amen).

To get your FREE copy, kindly click here to download or click on the download button below.

Download/download/button

How Two Become One

When God formed Eve out of Adam’s side and gave a reason for the creation of the marriage union, He also gave a summary of how a marriage and relationship is to function and what it is to birth.

This means first that marriage is an exclusive union between one male and one female. This also represents God’s original, pure definition of marriage.

Marriage forms a unique family unit. The building block of society, in God’s view, is the family unit. The nucleus of this family unit is the husband-wife relationship.

 

Marriage is meant to be the most intimate, fulfilling relationship that two people can experience. God’s Word describes marriage as a man and woman uniting to become one flesh. This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” - Genesis 2:24

After marriage, they are no longer simply two single individuals, but now the two make one unit, one couple. This does not mean that God’s joining of two people means that either one of them lose their individuality. They remain two separate people with distinct personalities, and with individual needs and desires. However, when we choose to join with another in marriage, we focus on the “we” and “ours”, rather than on “me” and “mine”. It is then that the Two Become One Journey begins properly. Partners become one body with God at this time so It would not be wise to take care of only part of your body and neglect the rest, else, the neglected part would suffer and cause the entire body to suffer too. 

Symbolically, a couple becomes one formally at their wedding ceremony, but learning to actually live as one does not happen instantly through the simple exchange of vows. This is one of many reasons why there is a courtship period to begin a bonding process. Since man fell, selfishness set in, making humans tend to be more concerned with our own comfort and happiness than with that of others. This is why we hear it said often that “marriage takes work”. 

Marriage is designed to be the closest possible relationship on the human plane. According to, Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew Lexicon, the word translated as “joined” in the New King James Version is the Hebrew word dabaq, which means “to cling, stick, stay close, cleave, keep close, stick to or to stick with”. This describes the close emotional bond that should develop between a husband and wife. Christ later explained this by saying, “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder” (Mark 10:9). Except in some circumstances where divorce is permitted, God’s standard is that marriages are to stay intact until death (Romans 7:2) and that husband and wife are to become “one flesh.”

Thus, Partners are one unit and they are to think and act in unity, expressing a level of mutual care and love for each other that is deeper than any other human relationship (Ephesians 5:22-33).

Intimacy

As discussed earlier, God designed marriage to be the most intimate relationship that two people can have. It is through that intimacy that two become one. Intimacy can be shared in different ways as shall be discussed in subsequent paragraphs.

Firstly, Emotional intimacy helps parties in a relationship to be willing to get exposed emotionally to one another. That way, you can be vulnerable and allow your partner to see the fragility of your emotions. Partners should never take advantage of emotional intimacy by attacking each others vulnerable areas. Each partner should protect the other partner's emotions. A relationship should be a place where each partner feels safe enough to be open about feelings.

Again, Spiritual intimacy is less thought of as a kind of intimacy, however, partners are meant to become one in many areas, even spiritually. They should each put Christ at the center of their marriage. Prayer, Bible study, and worship are great means to have an intimate relationship with Christ, so when two people share these things, they are drawn closer together. Partners need to pray for one another and spend time in prayer together. Taking time each day for a devotion or Bible study is a great way to bond together and to join with God in an intimate way.

Another is Physical intimacy. There is nothing more intimate that sexual intercourse. Through sexual intimacy, a couple becomes physically one, just as God designed. Couples should express physical intimacy outside the bedroom as well. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, and even just being playful are all forms of intimacy. A simple touch can communicate love, concern, compassion, appreciation, support, or understanding. 

However, please note that Sexual intimacy before and outside of marriage is wrong. It is only right when both parties are lawfully married so it is advised that courting couples should instead build emotional and spiritual intimacy. Sex, in the Bible, is described as a very pure act when it is practised within the marriage union. It is designed to physically and emotionally bond a married couple (1 Corinthians 7:2-4) and for reproduction (Genesis 9:7; Malachi 2:15).  On the other hand, emotional intimacy can be a much deeper connection than sexual intimacy. Also, sexual relationships do not always lead to emotional intimacy, but connecting with someone emotionally first, often leads to sexual intimacy (later in marriage). Again spiritual intimacy helps you build stamina to withdraw from sexual mishaps that could come while courting.

Intimacy on all levels should be reserved for your partner. If by the way, you need the support of someone else, then confide in a family member, a trusted friend of the same-sex, or seek the counsel of a pastor or counselor. Becoming one with your partner means that you put them and the relationship above all else, so honor your spouse and the relationship.

Lessons from the Period of Singleness

The period of singleness is one that is very important in the life of every individual that looks to getting into a relationship in future. This period is one where you are to form a strong bond with yourself, know yourself and recognize your identity. It is only when one is able to recognize his true self that the right decisions about life, spirituality, finances and even relationship can be made. This period can never be over emphasized in the life of any single person, this period has the power to make you enjoy your relationship so well, if maximized.

Take a stroll with me and let us look at Tolani’s life and her little experience in Lagos. She went to Lagos to visit her friends who loves to have fun at all the available bars and clubs on their street. As usual they had to go out and have fun and Tolani decided to go with them this time. Little did she know that her friend are not only heavy drinkers but they also smoke. Tolani was offered a stick of cigarette, but she looked at them and smiled and said “I am not a smoker” … let’s move down to my point, Tolani could have said “I do not smoke” which sounds a little more pleasant, right? And she could have been convinced to give smoking a try, but she chose to answer them based on her identity- that she is not a smoker.

Far from smoking or drinking, the period of singleness like I said one where we have to recognize who we are by building a strong relationship with one’s self. When we work on understanding who we really are, we not only make decisions that affects us positively in our daily life, but we can also understand what we want our relationship to look like in respect to who we are, (if I am a preacher, I should actually look out for someone who is a lover of the gospel, so that together we can share the word), we will also be able to identify our fears, hurts from the past and insecurities and be able to heal from them if not totally, at least to a reasonable extent so that we won’t be a burden to our future partner, if this period is also well spent, we will be able to recognize our actual needs and also know how to communicate them to our future partners even if we don’t know them (our partner) well. It also saves you the stress of jumping from one relationship to the other.

But all these in the period of singleness? How do we know the right way to connect with our self and accept and improve our identity? By first building a strong relationship with a greater person that knows more about our identity, that is God, by allowing Him to instill in us everything that we need and that will mold us for what is coming ahead. Wait, I know this also might seem a little bit hard to but you really have to be ready for the process of God remolding and reshaping you into who you really need to become. You can also get mentors (in the spiritual and relationship aspect) that can lead you to understanding how to gain clarity about yourself and all aspects of your life including your relationship.

Know that relationship is not all about sex, pleasure, money, positions and all other peripherals, but to confirm this, and to make relationship more than just dating to break up or dating for the wedding day and then living to regret the whole process over and times again, know that there is a great need to be clear about who you are.

 

 

 Lessons from Singlehood

Being Single is a complete learning season in the life of a man. It comes as a gift and must be lived to its fullest. This is why it follows extreme wisdom to handle properly, what singlehood entails.

One basic lesson learnt in single hood is the knowledge that you must walk into God’s plan and be ordered into what He’s ordained for you. The season must be maximised because when it wraps up, no one can turn back the hands of time. Enjoy it while it lasts. There’s a time to be single and a time to be married.
 


Before you say, “I do” Understand that as a lady, you’re first the BRIDE OF CHRIST before you’ll become the WIFE OF A MAN. Isaiah 54:5 same for the guys. When the Scriptures admonish us to LOVE GOD…it is enough to make us have good relationships, in loving God you will fall in love with yourself, and only then can you love people as you should. The Holy Spirit gives us the capacity for divine love.

Before you say, “I do” Learn to be whole and secure. Sweethearts, you’re not defined by your marital status. Your life doesn’t start or begins the very day you start a relationship or get married, it has started since yesterday when you had your first cry. So hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love, but never dare put your life on hold for love. Your identity is not found in your relationship status but who you are in Christ Jesus.

Before you say, “I do” find true happiness in your life. Don’t wait for a mate to make you happy. Of course, two is better than one and your partner must be such a shoulder to lean on yet you must be a happy somebody. I shared with our married daughters that no husband can fulfill the ministry of the Holy Spirit in our lives. You must learn to be happy. Happiness is said to be a choice, this is the pathway to fulfillment in life and marriage.

Before you say, “I do” learn to build and enjoy friendship with your immediate family, friends, and neighbours.

A romantic relationship is not the only relationship you need in life. We are social beings, learn how to relate, and tolerate people. Social intelligence is very important. I watched a very hot-tempered lady fighting her little sister with harmful objects. In annoyance, she left for her fiance’s house and said angrily, “When am I leaving my Father’s house?” #smiling She thought getting married is a way of escape.

Before you say, “I do” Find a meaning to your life and get busy with it. Explore your talents and gifts, go after your interest and passion. What should you start doing? Stop delaying/postponing it. I dare you to start being a blessing to lives.

Before you say, “I do” God wants you to learn SELF-CONTROL. I know what it means to have urged as a single lady sometimes it gets so tense I had to pray in tongues. Why would God put this urge in my body when I am not allowed to have sex before marriage? It is to teach us self control. I and my husband have had times on the mission field where we couldn’t act husband_and_wife for a Month. #NoShow and we were good. Train your body.

More so, marriage doesn’t solve all your sexual issues/problems, please seek counsel and get healed before tying the knot.

Before you say, I do” embrace a mentorship relationship and be accountable to people who have spiritual authority over you. My husband was having counselling sessions with a married woman who reported how unruly her husband has been. Hubby asked her to report him to his parents, pastor or mentor to which she replied, “He doesn’t listen to ANYBODY and he has no mentor”

Who is your Father?
Prayerfully submit to a mentor.
Build quality Relationships… Family, friends, etc

Before you say, “I do” learn financial prudence. Who wants to marry a man who gambles with money? Who wants to marry a lady whose life investment is in a shopping spree?

Give yourself a nice treat but learn how to manage your finance. You’re not too old to have a piggy bank, savings, and investment schemes. Start learning how to draw a scale of preference/priority. Cut down unreasonable spendings.

Before you say, I do” understand that your marriage is all about the KINGDOM. Your marriage is ordained to be a blessing. There’s a lot God will achieve through the union of two people who are sold out to His Kingdom. God wants to model a GODLY MARRIAGE to the world, He needs your marriage as a Model. Be purposeful about your relationships.

 

How to Identify Red Flags in a Relationship

Red flags

We saw this red flag but then we continue thinking things will work out or because we feel stuck and we don't know how to walk out of it or the feeling of what will people think of me!

This is a big shout out to the men & women out there who know what they wanted and did not settle for less. I will talk about it later in the day.

Managing Exes in Your Relationship

I generally believe that there are two kinds of exes - the troublesome ones and the non troublesome ones. 

It is really annoying to have people from your past bring back memories that you have taken your all to put behind you. This is why it’s important to learn how to manage your own ex(es) while your relationship or marriage is alive - if you want it to remain so.

When you have a partner, who has his or her ex coming back to be unnecessarily friendly with your partner, it could raise a lot of dust in your relationship and can cause even you to become an ex if the issue cannot be solved.

When we talk about exes, there is a need to know what caused the break up in the first place: it could’ve been that the previous relationship was toxic or both partners decided breakup the relationship on a mutual base. It might have been due to genotype issues or family issues. Whatever it maybe, there is a need to know what caused the breakup. When we know what the problem was, we would know how to handle the ex.

Even in this age, we have people who think having an ex is bad, but the truth is that is not bad. Having an ex or exes doesn’t make you the worst person on earth, maybe luck hasn’t been on your side. Never judge a person by the number of people they have been in a relationship with.

Things happen in different relationships that cause break up, but it is good to make sure that the break up is a sharp one; it has to be in clear terms so both parties will be sure that there’s hardly any chance of getting back together especially if one of them is in another relationship. So, if there’s any case of lingering feelings coming back to the surface, you have something to hold on to as a reason for the break up. This is good to avoid further break up on both sides 

 Most people have the wrong notion about exes and this makes them feel like it is a bad thing to ever be in touch with their exes. Being friends with your ex if you left on good terms is good. In cases where the previous relationship was broken up because of physical abuse, it is best to keep away from the each other. That is best so that both parties will keep safe emotionally, psychologically, physically and in all other part of their life. In cases where the abuser will not agree to respect the other person, it will be good to set clear boundaries with the person.

In cases whereby you have moved on, and started a new relationship, it is good and fair to make sure that your new partner knows all about your past. if you have an ex coming back your present partner should know about it. So, the two of you can find the best way to handle it together. If there are cases where by you and your ex had children, or in case of lingering feelings coming to the surface, it is best that you don’t hide it from the person you are looking to date  so they can tell if they can handle it or not. It is best that your present partner or the person you are looking to dating should be someone you can open up to freely and be sure that the two of you can handle the situation maturely. 

In cases where you feel like you cannot tell your partner about your ex and things that happened between you two, you can tell your mentor or coach or someone that can give you a good advice. 

You and your partner should also have a mentor or a coach that you can discuss these things with and you get good advice if you’re not sure you can trust your partner to handle it maturely.

Conclusion

Every person entering into a relationship comes with a bag pack full of their past experiences, fears, hurts and expectations for the future. Patience and effective communication in needed to be able to work on a lot of things together and build a relationship that both partners appreciate.