How to Handle Sexual Urges Before Marriage

When I was growing, I used to like this meat pie from Mr. Biggs. I would buy it everyday and I didn’t mind trekking to Mr. Biggs on Oregun road to buy it. I bought it too after church. I bought it for so long with stolen money from my dad’s suit. Ahhh. I took my dad’s money a lot! It was norm for me to just enter his room, go to his suits and check his pockets for money and guess what?

Each time I went to the suit, I always find money in it and I took them for so long and my dad never talked or ask who was taking his money. But he kept putting it there. And I kept taking it.

I thought I had hacked that art of stealing from your dad without him remembering or saying anything about it. I thought it was manna from Heaven. Judge me, whatever, I’m a changed person now.😂

One day, I misplaced the change I got from the woman who sold bread two houses away. My dad had sent me 100 bread and I misplaced the 100 change. I got home before realizing.

I ran back to the woman crying to her to come and help me beg my daddy that he would beat me (for 100?!😭) and I was crying so much the old woman had to follow me home and climb all those stairs to beg my dad.

I had never misplaced money from my dad so I didn’t know how he would react but I knew it wasn’t a good one.

 

“Ah. E filed e ma worry? Is that why you came? Ahhh. Ko le to yennnn?”

And the woman left. My dad felt so embarrassed and kept asking me why I would think he would beat me for misplacing his money.

“Have I ever beaten you for misplacing money? Even breaking plates? Why did you have to bring her?”

“Even my money that you’ve been taking from my suits, have I said anything? You think I don’t know?”

 

God has put sexual urges in us for a reason. He had made us physically attracted to the opposite sex for a reason. He purposely made it so. 

(If you don’t feel like that, I don’t know what to tell you, lol.) It’s okay if you find them attractive. You are not less spiritual and your prayer life is not in shambles. You dey alright.

But you know, He wanted you to enjoy it in marriage with that person you get to tie the knot with.

 

Ahhh😭😭😭

He knew!!!

“I kept the money there everyday for you. The money was for you people so that when I’m not around and you need to get something, you won’t be stranded.”

This was the shocker. So, the money was mine all these while and I was stealing it? You mean to say it’s mine but I was trying to cut corners to have it?

So each time you try to “do it” before marriage, you’re stealing something that already belongs to you but for a certain time. 

My dad kept the money in his suits so we could have it when we were stranded or needed to get something and he wasn’t around.

Same way God put all those sexual urges for us to act on when we’re married and in the right time to put all our skills to work.🌚

[5/19, 9:31 PM] Adeolami: Now, you’ve stolen it for so long and now it’s like you’re losing it. You almost reach through to him and remember you’ve failed Him and so you run back and try to reach Him through people.

You’re listening to messages, reading books and maybe even going to church but again, God wants to shut these things out and call you into depth with Him. Now, He wants to meet with you.

“Why do you have to reach me through someone? Come up hither. I know of all your other wrong deeds but did I kill you?”

[5/19, 9:31 PM] Adeolami: Why steal it when you can wait and get it ALL? I mean, it’s for you. God won’t collect back your sexual urges and abilities and the hot things you feel like doing now now.

It’s going to always be your own, innit?😂

But what happens when you’ve stolen it already? He says “When you were stealing it all these while, did I strike you dead? Why did you think that now that you’ve lost it, I’d disown you?”

[5/19, 9:31 PM] Adeolami: It’s the same with whatever thing it is you think you’ve failed God on.

Stop running away. He wants to talk to you. The moment He tells you about the “appointed time”, you’d be more than happy you waited.

How do you not steal these things? Walk in the Spirit. Don’t shut out the Spirit. Hold on to what God has told you. It’s for you, but it’s for an appointed time. Spend time with the person that put the sexual kini there.

[5/19, 9:31 PM] Adeolami: It’s just like finishing the plantain before you finish frying.😂

But, Bola, if you finish frying the plantain, it’s yours to eat with the beans?🌚👀. Nobody will share it with you abi? Gbam.

If you’ve started stealing it, stop stealing it. The one you’ve stolen is okay. It’s not until they strike you dead nau (lol no, God won’t). But really, you can stop. It might not stop immediately you decide to stop but if you see the reasons why you should, you would.

 

To coonclude, you should not miss the crux of the matter, so here is a quick summary.

1. Stop stealing. Wait for the plantain to finish frying

2. If you’ve stolen, God knows and He still wants a relationship and wants to guide you.

3. If hand dey scratch you to steal, go and marry. We dey your back. If you are in a relationship, sexual urges will definitely come. If the thing catch you too much, Brother Paul said we should go and marry.

No too think am. If you see say you’re body no dey cooperate, put the ring on it. By that time, your body go _kule_.😂

God wants us to “Do it”. He’s even looking forward to it but He’s alarm is set on the right time in marriage.  If you no wan marry, baff with cold water.🌚

From God’s heart to you, He added also that He loves you! He wants to hear from you again!❤️🥺

Majoring so much on avoiding pre-marital sex as a key to having a successful marriage is to have your priorities mixed up.

If you study scriptures properly, you will guard against and flee fornication. 1st Corinthians 6:18 KJV says
[18] Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

However your greater emphasis should not be to achieve the short term results of avoiding such indiscipline before marriage. There are other lusts that will emerge after you tie the knots. Thus, many develop strange habits after the wedding, during marriage. So rather than focus on the premarital abstinence only, let couples groom themselves in developing the christian character called Self- Control. It is the virtue which delays immediate gratification for a more noble cause.

Focus here, will be on appetites generally- rage, food, leisure, sex, gists, sleep ..

When you do this, you build a total man not just a pre-marital hero who might just be postponing the evil day!

 Wait. Sex is good as long as it begins from the wedding night. Sex is food for marriage and not appetizer or small chops for a relationship or courtship.You are valuable, so zip up.

Galatians 5:22-25[ tells us that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, [23] Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. [24] And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. [25] If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

How to Please God Sexually In Your Relationship

Sexual feelings and urges are normal occurrences for every normal person and in fact, these urges are an indication that you are a perfectly created being by God. But what do we do with them outside the walls of marriage? How do we handle these urges when them come? In what ways can we please God sexually in your relationship.

A normal human being who is and isn’t in a relationship has every right to have those feelings pop up once in a while. Therefore, this doesn’t have to be aroused or sparked up by our partner as some feel that it should only occur when in a relationship.

Are My Sexual feelings normal?

Having said that, it is no secret that these feelings can also be activated by the kind of images you set your eyes on, certain touches at sensitive parts of the body, a flashing thought of a scene from a movie or even reality. These are just a few.

Having established these basics, how then can we honor God with this sexual feelings/urges most especially when we are in a relationship?

How can we honor God with these feelings of ours?
Well, we must understand that as much as we own our bodies, we ain’t the creators of it. It is created with a high price. Look at what the Holy Book says,

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 1 Cor 6:19
How do we then control these urges as partners in a relationship while outside the confines of marriage?

1.Understand that Your Partner’s Body Isn’t Yours Just Yet
The modern day belief never fails to inform young men and women that the best way to show your partner that you love him/her and even have a long lasting relationship is to have sex even before marriage. While some automatically believe that once you are courting/dating, your partner has complete rights to your body, the Bible negates such claim.

It’s not yet mine!
In the sixth paragraph, you’ll see how the Patriarch, Paul puts it. I’m pretty sure he had seen men and women fumble around with their bodies. It is only under the context of coming together as husband and wife that automatically gives you a legal right and ownership to each other’s bodies. It only then that you can become sexually active with your partner.

2. Create Boundaries

Sexual feelings towards partners in relationships are absolutely normal, but must be controlled before marriage. Setting limits in a sexually pure relationship is important. Boundaries makes it easier for couples to know their limits when relating with one another.

Set boundaries that makes the journey easier for you. It shouldn’t be difficult for partners to open up to each other about their weaknesses. This will enable them set boundaries that will keep them sexually pure.

3. Open Up To Your Partner and Understand Each Other.

As our faces differ, so does our area of sensitivities. What turns partner A on may be different from what turns partner B on. The ability for partners in godly relationships to open up about such is vital.

Never be afraid to open up. You may be surprised that it helps to build your relationship.
As you create boundaries in your relationships, never keep quiet about what sets you on ‘fire’. Don’t be afraid to talk about your fears and concerns. It will even build trust.

4. Make Divine Promises And Keep It

Talking to each other about your feelings is one thing, but making divine promises about remaining chaste and also keeping it is another. Divine promises in relationships are promises made to God to remain pure till ‘i do’ night.

We will remain sexually pure.
The media has trivialised the sanctity of Holy matrimony by endorsing sex before marriage which has made many see it as a norm. This is outside God’s perfect will for us:

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Heb 13:4
 

5. Associate With Persons Of Like Mind

Ever heard the phrase, ‘show me your friend and i will tell you who you are?’ I guess you have. Running this race of sexual purity can get lonely at times especially when you are with the wrong association. You’ll begin to ask yourself? “is it even worth it?” Look at how the wisest man, King Solomon put it,

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Prov 27:17

It may be feel right walking alone but it’s wiser to travel the journey of sexual purity with like minds.
If you make tight friends with people of no convictions, sooner or later, you’ll walk in their ways. Endeavor to associate with like minds who share like thoughts.

6. Hide God’s Word In Your Heart
It’s one thing to have the word of God on your lips and another thing to know it by heart. The difference is in it’s practice. Once you read, meditate and hide it in your heart, it becomes a part of your subconscious.

It even gets better when you read and memorize it together with your partner.
Find out how to make it more interesting here.

7. Pray Individually And Collectively
Prayer is a major password for an effective journey to sexual purity. Praying alone and for each other is important, but praying together is most important. It is an ingredient that solidifies your commitment to God.

Prayer solidifies your commitment.
It is a magnet that attracts your partner’s desires to yours. When one of you tries to deviate or fall out, prayer is the key to bring you back together. It is also a strengthener of your weaknesses. It is a binding force of attraction to each other while keeping yourself for each other. Prayer is the ultimate factor for remaining sexually pure.

8. Agree on Your Standards and Convictions

In Amos 3:3, a simple question was asked - "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" With this question, we see that the journey of sexual purity requires total devotion and agreement. If your partner doesn’t agree with your convictions to please God sexually by remaining chaste, it will be very difficult to thread that path. An agreement on your convictions will ensure a smoother walk. To please God with our sexual feelings, we must walk and agree with the right partner.

I agree to walk this walk of sexual purity with you!

9. Don’t feed your Fantasies

At one point in life or the other, we tend to create fantasies in our heads. When it comes to being with the one we love, we look forward to great times with them and if we aren’t careful, we may end up satisfying these desires lustfully.

I know and understand that each time you see your partner, the chemical reactions in your body act fast, wanting to create a biological formation but you must apply physics at this point: the push force. Do not for any reason apply the pull force or else, you might regret your actions.

Rather than feed your phantasm, distract them.
Other times, you might be tempted to take a look at pornographic pictures/videos, but you must determine in your heart to remain sexually pure both in thoughts and in deed. This goes for the men and women. Apostle Paul said to the Corinthians when he realized that some of them could no longer control themselves. He advised, ‘it is better to marry than to burn.

Nevertheless beloved, God’s grace is sufficient for us. Let’s heed to one of the greatest advise of all times,

This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. Gal 5:16

10.Walk Away When Things Start Getting Heated Up
As much as we try not to get into uncomfortable situations, our flesh may try to hinder us. At the point when our hands are loosing control, what do we do? I believe that when one partner seems to be weak, the other should be strong. If at any point you see that your partner is too weak to let go, you can simply walk away. Don’t try to apologize, else you might be weakened. After a while, come back and talk about it in an open space and most importantly, renew number 4.

Help yourselves by walking away for that period.
Remember, you are partners in progress and the goal to please God must always be your number one priority.

11. Be accountable to Someone

Accountability requires that you are answerable to someone. In remaining sexually pure in your relationship, you need someone/some people who you are answerable to. The truth is, it will get tough at some point, but having an accountable figure/figures who are trustworthy will ensure that you are law abiding and also help you pour out your struggles to him or her.

As we conclude this article, you must understand that God’s grace abounds to help us win the battle against our flesh while running this race of sexual purity. Don’t be desperate in settling for any Tom, Dick and Harry just because you don’t want to feel lonely. Find, and be found of a godly partner - even if it tarries, God will surely bring you the best. The very best that will help accomplish your walk. Are you finding it hard to find the right one? Read here.


Please say this after me, I and my partner will please God with our bodies. Till i come your way next time, do remain in God.