In an open conversation with her, Cindy decided to share how she saved her relationship that was on the verge of breaking after valentine’s day. Here is what she said:
At the start of this year, I did not think anything would push my relationship of two years and 7 months to a point of crumbling and destruction. It was a surprising yet painful experience. The day that was supposed to be a day of love became a day of hurt. I was so expectant of what this year’s Valentine’s Day had to offer me. I was already thinking of different things that I would do on that day for my partner. I already got him a little gift and I decided that I will also call send him a message. I would have loved to take him out or give him a bigger surprise but I was financially incapacitated so I had to let that part go and just make sure that in the little way that I make the day memorable.
He also asked me what I will want for valentine’s day and I did not have an exact thing in mind. Since I am not one whose love language is gifts, I found it hard to mention the gift that I would want on such a day but I was sure that I wanted to be happy. So, I told him that I just wanted to be happy.
Voila! The long-awaited day came. It was Valentine’s day. After posting his picture on my social media page, I sent him an email telling him how much I love and respect him and how life has been good with him. I let him know that he has been a good influence and impact on my life since we met. All these were true because since I met him, life has truly been better. Since we came together, we had both increased and gotten better in all aspects of our life.
To be frank, he posted a few of my pictures which was good and made me happy, but it made me long for more. I was already imagining how the day will go for both of us and what plans he has for us since we were going to meet later that day. I was also expecting him to send me a message or call to at least wish me a happy valentine’s day and maybe tell me how much he loves me, nothing happened but my hope was still high. Later in the afternoon, I called him again to ask if he was having a great day. Also, that was part of the things that I had planned for the day. By then I had one more thing to do and that was to give him the gift I got him.
Later in the evening, he came to my house and we talked like every other day. I gave him his gift which he appreciated, but still nothing from him. I was already getting sad and angry, but I kept on calming myself down by saying “it’s okay, it is not about what he does, it is more about the heart”. We had a couple of friends over that day. One of our friends shared the gifts in his valentine package with us and we all chatted till it was time to go.
Our friends left first and when I was seeing him off, I then told him that I was mad at him. Peter stood there wondering what I was talking about. I told him what I was expecting and how I felt bad that I didn’t even get a happy valentine’s day message or call from him. I told him, how I wanted to just be happy but he made the day a sad one. This turned into an argument that lasted about an hour. It was a very hot one that made both of us question if we were meant to be together. We both agreed that we were not in the right state of mind to continue the conversation and we bid each other a very dry goodnight.
That night was not a restful one at all. A lot of questions kept on tossing and turning on the mattress of my mind. I was both angry, sad, unsure of what to think because even though I didn’t care about gifts, my almost 3 years boyfriend could not be thoughtful enough to make me happy on valentine’s day even when I tried all I could to make the day a memorable one. It wasn’t until 3 am the next morning that I was able to sleep. Waking up in the morning, I felt my emotions were a bit calm and I was able to think clearly. I sat up on my bed, said my morning prayer after which I started my tasks for the day. Although I was not totally out of the mood from the previous night, I was able to do a little work. It was when I was working that a question popped in my head, “will you let the mistake of one day ruin something you have been building for more than two years?” I immediately left what I was doing and thought about that question, and after a very long time of back and forth with myself, thinking if what happened between Peter and me the previous day was a red flag and if it won’t continue. It was then that I heard my phone ring. Guess who? Peter. The emotions I felt that moment was a lot, I felt a little angry, happy, sad, and relieved. When I picked up the call the first thing he did was apologize. He said after he taught about it he knew he could have done better but he didn’t just think about what to do on valentine’s day since I didn’t ask him for anything. I didn’t say much, all I did was tell him that I was sorry too for the way I unleashed my anger on him the previous day. I then asked him if we could talk later and he agreed. That was when I decided that I will save my relationship from crumbling.
Here are the things that Cindy decided to do in 4 basic steps to save her relationship from crumbling:
1. Be Vulnerable with your Partner
It is important to always be free and vulnerable with your partner because it is only when you share what is bothering you that you can be able to find a solution to it. Try to always open up to your partner in a constructive way so that you will be able to make things work.
2. Review Valentine’s Day or the Events that Cause the Issue
Here, it is important to review how valentine’s day went. Valentine’s day is only once a year but couples have clashes other days this must be is done every other day an issue comes up. Both partners should open up on what their expectation of the day was and let each other know if the expectations were met. It is also important to try to figure out why the day didn’t go as planned or why it went as planned. If the day didn’t go as planned, it is also important that the couple make suggestions on how they could make it better in the future.
3. Learn to Speak Your Partners Love Language
We all grew up in a different environment and different situations hence we have different love languages. To be able to save your relationship from crumbling or to make the relationship one that you enjoy, you need to learn how to speak your partner's love language. There are 5 major love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Gifts, Physical Touch. Learning to speak your partner's love language will help you to know how to meet their needs and communicate love to them best.
4. Pick up a New Habit
Doing things together helps to bring more intimacy to a relationship. Couples that do different activities together either offline or online usually tend to spend more time together and get to know each other better. This does not mean that you should be in each other’s faces but it is a chance to get to know more about your partner. you can decide to read a book, study the bible, journal, listen to and review videos and podcasts you watch and listen to.
With the above points, valentine’s day or a regular day, you can save your relationship from crumbling. You don’t have to let go of all that you have invested your effort, time, and emotions into because of a moment of a clash between you and your partner.