Who Deserves More Respect in a Relationship?

I’d rather ask what Respect is and have you reply that ''Respect is reciprocal'' whereas, the respect you practice is far from reciprocity. Our contemporary conception of respect embraces the affixation of honorific expressions to one another’s name. While this is true pertaining to  an aspect of respect, it will be parochial to assume this is all it's worth.

Respect in its strict sense involves some calculated formalities, while being in love subconsciously eliminates those formalities. So if formalities are out of tingling feeling, does it mean respect is too? Such thought would be erroneous. In response to the question begging for answer here: None of the parties deserve it more and both deserve it all. 

RESPECT AND COMPLIMENTS.

Just like your dazzling wedding apparel, ladies are the centre of attraction and compliments in relationship. Yes! You get the wow! Beautiful in your gorgeous dinner gown before you whisper some flimsy you too. Guys are moved by what they see no doubt, but it takes nothing off you to be the first to tell him how handsome he look in the Tuxedo and how smooth his face is without moustache.

In short, Compliment is a form of respect that doesn’t make him love you less or consider you cheap. Drop some Roses from your basket of compliments. It’s some subtle form of selfishness to be on the receiving end always.

Showering compliments on the way looks, the things he does for you and those he refrains himself from doing because of you is a way of showing respect for his choices which makes you nothing but proud of Him.

RESPECT AND OPINIONS!

There is no such greater insult on a man as when his opinion is hulled back to his face. If you already decide on what to do without his say in your decision (that is when you must have chosen to dare and face the detriments of making tangible decisions to the exclusion of your Spouse), don’t go to Him and cause him to run mouth in vain. Seeking their opinion is one thing, ensuring their contribution reflect on your eventual resolve is another. The YES you said to him makes him a tangible part of you and as such every significant decision you make affects them.

Where going to Lagos on Thursday mean that your date on Thursday is cancelled, it’d be disrespectful and absolute disregard for Him not to let Him know and think it’s just a flimsy date anyways.

Any Investment with your own money with anybody whatsoever must not be engaged in without what he thinks about it.

Where they give you a piece of their mind that you believe to be wrong, it is only polite to explain why it may not go the way they think. It will be dangerous to agree with them on such wrong note and go behind them and do another.

It is vital to note that your seeking their opinion does not in any way say you are incapable of Sound Judgments and decisions. In fact, the first demonstration of your ability to make correct decisions for your life and future is reflected in letting your man what you are up to.

Of course, don’t tell him you are planning a surprise birthday for Him. Don’t be such a ruin mood.

RESPECT IN ANGER.

Sometimes it gets annoying, she gets on your nerves and you just want to walk away when he is still steaming hot. The only thing on your mind is to walk out on him so you don’t end up hearing or saying words unpleasant. Well, better DON’T. Don’t even turn the door knob let alone walk away especially when you are short of the manners to execute such walk away. Manners? When am angry? Hell no! Well, Heaven yes! You want a lasting relationship devoid of bruises and scars? Dear, try and learn that there is great agility in keeping your head when your spouse is losing His.

He may scream am not done talking, it is of course not fair on you to sit still and let him tear you to pieces with hurtful words he may not mean. Dear, let your own anger see a bit of light, and go with some lines that carries some ting of politeness. Well, I know you’re not done talking but I am sorry, I need to leave. Such approach smells Respect but simply opening the door and slamming it behind you says; well you can go to Hell.

RESPECT & HIS PRIVACY WITH HIS EX.

Well, they say you don’t forget your first love, not until you meet a stronger one. Whenever and wherever your spouse ex shows up, Insecurity and jealousy tells you to be all clingy giving them no breathing space while wisdom tells you to leave them alone and await your guy’s return. If you cannot trust your girl to resist advances and you have to follow her about or plant surveillance camera on her, it seem safe to say one or both of you need more of emotional maturity.

Respect her time with the Ex and if indeed you have found a good spouse worthy and deserving of your trust, she’d return to you because you are her Present and Her future and such build your confidence that your partner forgot his Ex because he found a stronger love in you.

Call it being careful, describe it as protecting what is yours, address it as using your employing common sense but the truth is that nothing but  pure insecurity and jealousy makes you tag along with your spouse at the slightest smell of His Ex. Dear what is yours is yours as long as you treat Her right.

RESPECT HIS ME TIME.

Don’t make the mistake of turning his ME time to an US time. There are times when we all just want to be alone with our thoughts clearing our head by just ourselves alone. Not even the love he feels for you will make him look forward to seeing you jam on His me time. Does that make you an unwelcome guest at those times? Does that mean he is going to get mad if you constantly barge in at these times?. NO. It will however be appreciable for you to withdraw from him at such times knowing your spouse temperament may be melancholy and as such he may need time travel to the land of thoughts once in a while. You may be his Sugarpie but he cannot deny his thoughts moments, that being alone matters to him at those times does not mean he love you less. Call him up much later and you’d know he’s got nothing to hide.

- By Adeyemi Comfort

How Two Become One

When God formed Eve out of Adam’s side and gave a reason for the creation of the marriage union, He also gave a summary of how a marriage and relationship is to function and what it is to birth.

This means first that marriage is an exclusive union between one male and one female. This also represents God’s original, pure definition of marriage.

Marriage forms a unique family unit. The building block of society, in God’s view, is the family unit. The nucleus of this family unit is the husband-wife relationship.

 

Marriage is meant to be the most intimate, fulfilling relationship that two people can experience. God’s Word describes marriage as a man and woman uniting to become one flesh. This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” - Genesis 2:24

After marriage, they are no longer simply two single individuals, but now the two make one unit, one couple. This does not mean that God’s joining of two people means that either one of them lose their individuality. They remain two separate people with distinct personalities, and with individual needs and desires. However, when we choose to join with another in marriage, we focus on the “we” and “ours”, rather than on “me” and “mine”. It is then that the Two Become One Journey begins properly. Partners become one body with God at this time so It would not be wise to take care of only part of your body and neglect the rest, else, the neglected part would suffer and cause the entire body to suffer too. 

Symbolically, a couple becomes one formally at their wedding ceremony, but learning to actually live as one does not happen instantly through the simple exchange of vows. This is one of many reasons why there is a courtship period to begin a bonding process. Since man fell, selfishness set in, making humans tend to be more concerned with our own comfort and happiness than with that of others. This is why we hear it said often that “marriage takes work”. 

Marriage is designed to be the closest possible relationship on the human plane. According to, Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew Lexicon, the word translated as “joined” in the New King James Version is the Hebrew word dabaq, which means “to cling, stick, stay close, cleave, keep close, stick to or to stick with”. This describes the close emotional bond that should develop between a husband and wife. Christ later explained this by saying, “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder” (Mark 10:9). Except in some circumstances where divorce is permitted, God’s standard is that marriages are to stay intact until death (Romans 7:2) and that husband and wife are to become “one flesh.”

Thus, Partners are one unit and they are to think and act in unity, expressing a level of mutual care and love for each other that is deeper than any other human relationship (Ephesians 5:22-33).

Intimacy

As discussed earlier, God designed marriage to be the most intimate relationship that two people can have. It is through that intimacy that two become one. Intimacy can be shared in different ways as shall be discussed in subsequent paragraphs.

Firstly, Emotional intimacy helps parties in a relationship to be willing to get exposed emotionally to one another. That way, you can be vulnerable and allow your partner to see the fragility of your emotions. Partners should never take advantage of emotional intimacy by attacking each others vulnerable areas. Each partner should protect the other partner's emotions. A relationship should be a place where each partner feels safe enough to be open about feelings.

Again, Spiritual intimacy is less thought of as a kind of intimacy, however, partners are meant to become one in many areas, even spiritually. They should each put Christ at the center of their marriage. Prayer, Bible study, and worship are great means to have an intimate relationship with Christ, so when two people share these things, they are drawn closer together. Partners need to pray for one another and spend time in prayer together. Taking time each day for a devotion or Bible study is a great way to bond together and to join with God in an intimate way.

Another is Physical intimacy. There is nothing more intimate that sexual intercourse. Through sexual intimacy, a couple becomes physically one, just as God designed. Couples should express physical intimacy outside the bedroom as well. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, and even just being playful are all forms of intimacy. A simple touch can communicate love, concern, compassion, appreciation, support, or understanding. 

However, please note that Sexual intimacy before and outside of marriage is wrong. It is only right when both parties are lawfully married so it is advised that courting couples should instead build emotional and spiritual intimacy. Sex, in the Bible, is described as a very pure act when it is practised within the marriage union. It is designed to physically and emotionally bond a married couple (1 Corinthians 7:2-4) and for reproduction (Genesis 9:7; Malachi 2:15).  On the other hand, emotional intimacy can be a much deeper connection than sexual intimacy. Also, sexual relationships do not always lead to emotional intimacy, but connecting with someone emotionally first, often leads to sexual intimacy (later in marriage). Again spiritual intimacy helps you build stamina to withdraw from sexual mishaps that could come while courting.

Intimacy on all levels should be reserved for your partner. If by the way, you need the support of someone else, then confide in a family member, a trusted friend of the same-sex, or seek the counsel of a pastor or counselor. Becoming one with your partner means that you put them and the relationship above all else, so honor your spouse and the relationship.

How to Secure Happiness in your Relationship

There is this feeling and want to talk to really old couples who are still alive and holding up together, happily. I want to ask what was able to put them together and sustain them - what they did, say or feel that made them unrelenting and extravagant in love. I want to also know how they held back from cheating on their partner and never got tired. I believe that there has to be a hack to this thing that stands relationships and marriages out.

Our generation has seen and gone through a lot that true love and commitment seems like a facade to anyone who hears it. Family is also becoming a thorn to young people out there who want to be independent at the slightest opportunity they get. Many people have seen through life that they would question true love and be very sensitive to the slightest things. They probably say that a happy couple is faking it or “you don’t know what they are going through” because there’s an image that makes us believe people can’t be genuinely happy in a relationship. Also, we somewhat try to see it like someone has to meet up with the other because we are scared to go the extra mile so as not to be seen as cheap or the one who’s doing the most. Meanwhile, when Jesus died for us in this love relationship, He was doing the most.

Of a truth, not everyone is happy. People go through abusive relationships and still appear happy but there are still people who go through really sweet relationships and have the time of their lives.

We need couples who would actually show these things without fear of it ending in tears because it actually won’t. As such, if you see people happy and posting their pictures and telling you how beautiful life has been for them, before you question whether they are happy or not, celebrate and possess your possession before your thoughts possess something else for you. People are genuinely happy. You might have seen something different in your life but you can actually choose to write your own story of love and secure your  happiness.

Read If Every Day was Valentine

Finally, if you’re in a relationship and scared to flaunt your partner (not because it’s not your thing but) because you think it would end in tears, ask yourself first if that’s the plan. If it’s not the plan, you should read our article here on how PDA is scriptural. Flaunting your partner is one sign of a happy relationship (although it happens otherwise too). You must know that you can be happy in your relationship and it truly depends on you.

Why Am I Here?

Have you ever found yourself eating the least kind of meal with your family in this part of the world? I mean Garri, without sugar, groundnut or any additional condiments? But in your own little world, you are eating a full course meal on the same table with great men?

I know only a few might be able to relate with this illustration, but that is who I am. At the hardest moments and in the lowest places without my desired lifestyle, I still see myself living my dreams life and achieving my goals and not allowing my present situation stand in my way.

This ability has propelled me to look deeper for a reason to live, and not just live but live a purpose filled life. In the search for my life’s purpose, I have come to discover what I live for. This is what has brought me to the blogging community.

I help individuals that are single, dating or married to live a life of purpose in line with this-know the basic steps to choosing the right life partner for them. That makes me a life and relationship coach. On this page, we will discuss how to live a happy life with the right partner. We would also discuss different topics on relationship.

Guys, because we are talking about love we will be making this page our love tribe and I came up with a name for the tribe that I think you all will really like LOLONYA meaning “love is beautiful”. This is a name I chose because underneath the pains and struggles in a relationship, we find its beauty.

I would drop contents on this tribe twice in a week and I hope to see you often to learn more on how to live a happy life with the right partner.

How to Handle Breakup Scares

 

It is very true that not everything will end up in tears. Sometimes you will excellently come out of that situation unhurt and in cases where you are scathed, you will definitely heal and progress for the best. For us, we have had people say it to our face that they are waiting patiently for the day we would break up in our relationship. When we started out, it looked much more of a scare for us and we didn't know how best to handle it. But the thing is this, you really do not need to pick a fight with anyone nor do you need to prove any point to anyone. You don't need to convince them that your relationship will not fail. You only need to be comfortable with God's word in your relationship because that is what matters in the end. This is one of many reasons why it is advised to know God first hand before going into a relationship. In our article on Dating God, we explained the need to know God first before knowing your partner.

While it is enough for you to know God, you must also assure yourself that God is with you in your relationship. Assure yourself that God does not fail and that your relationship will be a success. He definitely wants the very best for you and your partner just as He has declared in His word in Jeremiah 29:11

You also need to determine to make the relationship work. There is a position of collective work in every relationship. Just as Paul writes in 1st Corinthians 3:6, there is a need for individual efforts alongside God's grace to hold a relationship together. Your relationship is a product of your efforts to sustain it and should turn deaf ears against any form negativity. When partners put in this determination to make their relationship work, they can fight any breakup scares together.

There is also a need to sew your garment where it's torn. In every relationship, you gradually get to know certain basic things about your partner and can tell whether or not it is sufficient to cause a break up in your relationship. When you find out these loopholes, you can call your partner's attention to it and ensure that they work on these tears in the relationship.

With all of these, we still assure ourselves that God's word stands at all times. His word spoke life to our relationship and only His word can turn off that life. It is also true that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, but at the same time it is only a successful relationship that can yield into marriage. Put all hands on deck and shut out every form of negativity and you will not experience a breakup.

Love Poetry: A Duet of Love

This Love is True
With two drunken masters.
One me, another you.
Let me hold your hand,
Or what do you say?


Do I know what to say?
I'm so drunk in this pool,
The pool of love,
With no other choice
Than to let you hold my hands to the deepest parts

Through coast and rivers
lands and seas
Tight and Glad I hold.
Our love is a fire pot
endlessly burning.

Let it burn forever
Let the vapour smell like frankincense
Let the nation know what
Let us dance round with merry.

It will burn beyond the future
and will never die.
This love is love.

This love has called ears to hear
It has called eyes to see
Of course this is our beginning
The beginning with no end.



This poem was written by two lovers who experience love fresher and fresher each day and decided to express their love towards each other.

The FAQ Weekend

Growing in a relationship comes with many hurdles and triumphs. Each time we face the triumph, we are grateful to God and appreciate the uniqueness of our partners. However, when we have hurdles, we begin to ask many WHYs amongst other questions.

The FAQ Weekend is a periodic assignment at the Two Become One Community where deep throated questions are asked from concerned individuals in any kind of relationships (not just couple or spousal). At our community sessions, we prayerfully and with deep insights in God's word and wisdom, seek answers to these questions.

This is an anchor page for the Relationship FAQs Weekend. Periodically, we shall update this link with answers to questions asked by members of our community.

To join the Two Become One Community, kindly fill in your details here. Also, if you like to send a question or contact us for any reason, kindly do so here. You can also share this page to your family and friends.

God bless you.

7 Reasons Why Relationships and Marriages Breakup

From a genuine concern for relationships and relationship building, many relationships in recent times (particularly in the course of the COVID-19 Pandemic) have fallen apart. This is more than usual and to be candid, it opened more that they all showed up in this lock-down because of somethings that probably came up.

Break ups happen to anyone and it can be really terrible. So, what really causes break up in relationships and marriages?

The breakups might have been connected or disconnected to the lock down. In whichever way, the lock down played a major role. From a survey and counseling records, many individuals broke up around the time for some reasons which were really strong while some others were issues that could have been resolved. However, the major reasons why these relationships crashed will be discussed in this article, especially with steps to handle these issues subsequently.

1. Lack of Communication

This lockdown took different toll on people especially those doing long distance (like us) and of course, no one could locomote at the time so no visit, data was for online courses, people got broke so no airtime and many more happened. All these things might seem like hindrances to communication but I think we get the definition of communication wrong 70% of the time. Communication is not about just talking to each other, communication is also about how you talk to each other— facial expressions, gifts, talks, what you talk about, accountability, etc. It is very possible that you'd talk everyday and still not communicate. It took me time to learn this because I just thought we were talking but because I took decisions rapidly, I could have built a house without telling my partner even if we talked everyday.

What do you talk about and how do you talk about it?

2. Genotype Incompatibility Issues

While this may come as a shocker for you, it is really what it is. In this video chat with Della, Fadeelat and Boluwatife discussed so much about their genotype and how it has affected their relationship lives among other things. It is quite strange that it is a very necessary factor to consider in many relationships. 

If you have anything “S” in your genotype, please, find an AA. And normalize asking before you go any further.

You may also read Dating God First

3. Lack of Personal Understanding

If you don’t understand yourself, there’s no how you can understand your partner. For a while in our relationship, we couldn’t even hold hands in public and it wasn’t because we felt it was wrong. I just realized that my partner wasn’t used to it and I had to let him take his time before he got used to it. It was his first relationship, while I had more experience than he did. He understood this and communicated this to me. As mentioned above, communication also comes in here. If he didn’t understand his person, he wouldn’t have communicated it to me and I would have seen it to be something else— maybe he didn’t love me or he didn’t want to be found with me.

Read: 5 Relationship Lessons from the Life of Boaz and Ruth

A lot of personal understanding goes into you before you can bring yourself to be with someone else. In our post on how to manage conflicts in your relationship, we discussed issues related to this. If personal understanding is not in place, misunderstanding can come into it and break up with occur.

4. Diversion of Purpose

If you miss this one, such relationship will irretrievably break, except of course you are ready to be involved with someone who is not concerned with life or decides to live life as it comes.. When you discover that your partner is not interested in certain interests that align with God's purpose for your life as a believer or that they are less concerned about building a future for themselves, you have a red flag already and such relationship is heading for the rocks. The best way to identify that your partner is not interested in purpose is that you will see signs that express their desire for your relationship in the present. They are usually not considering a future for the relationship. At this point, you should definitely leave your slippers and run. This is one reason why it’s important to know your purpose first before you get into a relationship. If you don’t know your purpose, you can’t know the purpose of your relationship.
 

5. Family

This can be the most challenging reason for anyone to break up. Once any parent doesn’t agree, it becomes an issue and here, only prayer can solve it and maybe talking to other relatives about it. In times when it’s looking like nothing can change their minds, prayer is the only way. Prayer for change of heart and wisdom to pull through. This one can be exhausting.

God doesn’t just bring two people together without a purpose. There must be a purpose for your relationship. This was one of the first conversations we had when this fine man asked me out. I noticed he was supportive in helping me plan my outreaches while we were but friends but he never followed for an outreach or donated (at least that’s what I thought). Until my friend told me he had been donating all the while with another person’s account I had consistently seen on the record.

Please, don’t be under pressure to jump on any AA you see. The fact that the person is AA doesn’t mean s/he’s the one. There is still a need to pray about it and be sure.

6. Comparison

My relationship is far from what we want which is perfect and if we can work out our salvation, we believe we can work this out too. Never. Compare. Your. Relationship. What works for A doesn’t work for B all the time. If your partner doesn’t do what they do in other relationships, don’t pressurize them. This life is one.
 

7. Rushing in

One bitter truth with jumping into any relationship is the fact that if you rush in, you will rush out. You must always calm down and take time to pray about it. The same way God doesn’t wear flip flop is how he will not wear it and bring you out of the wrong relationship. You do not need to look around you and measure your timeline to someone else’s. I still know some people who are not in any relationship now, that will get married before me. Don’t buy your partner gifts because that’s what works for you. If it’s your language, it might not be their language. There’s a balance and you don’t need to compare.

The statement that kills people fast and leads them to failed relationships and marriages is that "you’re getting old and all your mates are getting married". You need to lose yourself from its effects, take things one step at a time and calm down because your partner would definitely come at the right time.

5 Relationship Lessons from the Life of Boaz and Ruth

Today, we would be looking at and sharing our lessons from the story of Boaz and Ruth and we would be studying/ discussing Ruth 2: 1-13 and Ruth 4:1-17.

The story of Ruth and her Mother-in-law, Naomi is quite popular. The story talks about a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law who stayed and lived together after their husbands died. Ruth had refusef to go back to her house but to stay with her mother-in-law till death, a commitment to not just her husband but to his family (till death).

When we look at the life of Ruth and Boaz separately and how they were groomed before coming together to become one, we get to learn the following about Ruth:

1. Ruth never gave up: This is shown throughout the scriptures from her desire to stay with her mother in law to her desire to search for food for both her mother in law and herself in order to prevent hunger.

 

Couple | Image- www.ifegrace.com

2. Ruth was hardworking: Ruth could have sat down, crossed her legs and complained about how God wasn't fair or about how poor widows were. But she didn't. She told her mother inlaw she was going to find food and she did. And when she did, she kept at it, working hard and only taking a break when needed. The question here is what has God placed in your hands? What do you have that you are doing? Are you doing it with all your might or nonchalantly yet, you feel your prayers are not being answered? Think about it.

3. Ruth was obedient: she was obedient to God, obedient to her mother in law. She did whatever she asked her to do. In fact she adores her mother in law. With all her might. Think about it: are you ready to be obedient to your mother in law? Are you ready to allow her to guide you and correct you when you make mistakes? Are you ready to respect her like you would respect your mother ?

4. Ruth spoke words laced with grace and respect: she spoke respectfully to her mother in law and even to Boaz. When he asked her to glean as much as she can, she thanked him, she appreciated him. And she prayed for him (a stranger). What kind of words come out of your mouth? Are they words seasoned with grace and laced with respect?

5. Ruth made herself available: In chapter 3, we see where Naomi gave Ruth tips on how to get Boaz to marry her (after she discovered he was a relative liable for marriage to Ruth). Naomi asked her to have her bath, use perfume and dress in her best clothes. Sometimes, we're trusting God for relationships and we are looking hoping and praying and believing. But the truth is packaging also matters when it comes to relationships. We all need to learn to dress well not just on the outside but also on the inside so that whenever the right person comes along, he or she wouldn't be chased away based on how we look/talk. And for those who are in relationships, dressing, seasoned words play an important role in our relationships.

For Boaz, here are some of the lessons we can learn.

1. Boaz was hardworking

Boaz as a single was hard working. If he didn't have that field Ruth had the opportunity to work on, maybe he would never have met her. Guys, you're hoping for a particular kind of woman but what kind of man are you? Boaz was able to provide for Ruth (even before marriage) we all can't keep lazying around and expect the best relationships. What do you have in your hands? What are your gifts and talents and abilities? Are you using them? Or you're waiting for one big opportunity to come. Boaz started from somewhere. He was a farmer. It was hard work and persistence that helped him get so much in order to own a field.

2. Boaz was observant

He noticed Ruth. He saw what was good and he made inquiries about it. "Who is that woman?" He asked his servant. And for Ruth too, she stood out. That's why Boaz was able to notice her. Have you discovered anything that makes you stand out from the crowd? Everyone is unique in one way or the other and most times it's what makes you stand out that gets you noticed. As we hope and pray and believe for great relationships, there is the need to be observant and at alert so as not to miss what God has for us.

3. Boaz had values and he understood traditions 

Boaz knew what he stood for and he stood by it. He didn't take advantage of Ruth when she came to lie at his feet. Instead, he did as expected and followed traditions and ensured Ruth received what was due to her. It says a whole lot about Boaz and what he stands for. Do people know you for what you stand for?

Remember if you stand for nothing, you would fall for anything. He also respected traditions and he followed procedure. For most things in life, there is always a procedure. We shouldn't neglect the process in haste to get results. The patient dog eats the fattest bone. Never forget that.

Ruth was said to love her mother in law. It was so obvious the people of the town made comment about her being worth more than seven sons.

For singles, determine to love your mother in laws. If you go into marriage with the mindset that mother in laws are devils, you would most likely have problems with your mother in law. Also, delay is never denial. In chapter 1, Ruth was married to Mahlon for 10 years. She didn't conceive, she didn't have children. She might have received insults and looked at one way or the other but when it was time, the Bible says God blessed her (provision) and she conceived which was not long after she and Boaz got married. Therefore, let us not forget that God always has plans and whether today looks great or not, we can trust Him about tomorrow cos we are assured He has our best interest at heart.

Book Review: Prayer Deposits by Allison Hyacintho

You must be familiar with the: Jesus started with prayer and ended with prayer... Prayer is the Master key. For some partners, their parents had started praying for their relationships before we knew anything about the subject.  So, most times we ask, do we still need to pray? 

 

In this book, we learn that Parents prayers serve as transfers into the relationship account, ours will be the Real Deposits. The prayer is to be deposited into a Godly Relationship, but we need to Clarify what makes a relationship Godly.

Attending vigils, Bible study classes, anointing and communion services together with your partner doesn't make it godly neither does introducing your partner to your pastor. Since God is at the centre of your individual lives then He will definitely be at the center of your relationship. The book also explains tha the presence of God at the centre of your relationship is what makes it a godly one.

If God is not the first part of your life as a person, you will end up becoming some boring God chaser who is struggling to create an image of God in your relationship. Also, the closer you draw towards God on your own, the more exciting it will be drawing towards God with your partner. It will be a combination of each partner's personal spiritual growth to making tje relationship work.

Another point to note is that Prayers cannot be boring. There is so much to and gist to God about in ptayers. God is always ready to listen too. Prayer is a commubication and it will be boring if you only do the talking without letting God respond. Unfortunately, this is how many individuals today make their prayers. So the question again - Why do we need to inculcate prayer into our relationship?

Prayer is necessary because when we know 'why' we pray then 'how' to pray will be easy for us. You may ask why we should pray when we can go an a treat, but then Allison Hyacintho describes in his book that prayer should be a personal lifestyle.

Prayer helps you to understand and unlock mysteries, thus shaping individual and collective growth as well as foster a deeper fellowship with God. It helps the believer to get drunk with communication to God. This is because you can not claim to love someone you don't talk to. So it's not just a "command", it is a fuel for the fire of love

 

In prayer, you also seek communion and Fellowship. It helps the believer to seek approval from God, enhance Communication and build more connection spiritually. By this, there is help to avoid sexual sin as it instills the fear of God to keep the fire of love burning in both hearts. Prayer also helps to make both partners subject to God, settle quarrels easily and  remain faithful to God and themselves. It is to learn what loving the father means as well and take the lessons. As such, Our prayer deposit should not be regarded as an herculean task. 

 

One certain way to make the prayer deposits we hope to send to the Author of Romance, romantic is by Praying as you Talk. As prayer means talking to God, so the tip is TALK TO GOD AS YOU TALK. Any conversation which acknowledges the sweet presence of God is prayer.” The point is not to turn Domino's to revival ground when you pay a visit to celebrate Valentine. The best part about acknowledging God’s presence in your conversations is that it guides your consciousness. I mean, every word proceeding out of your mouth after that prayer will be words seasoned with love, faith, and positivity. You two will become conscious of your words towards that challenge, because of the faith that orders your words. This is so amazing, the way you start speaking about that challenge with power and authority. Decisions become easier to take in faith that everything is now possible because God is now part of it. Your perspectives begin to align, fear disappears, that is the mental level  of acknowledging God takes you.

Here are some prayer patterns that can help you make prayer a part of your everyday conversation.

You can stop in the middle of a conversation with your partner and suggest “let us pray about this for a minute baby.” For instance, when you are in the middle of an important discussion that requires making a decision or maybe you are talking about a challenge that looks like you are going to need God’s help, invite Him into your conversation by simply acknowledging His presence. Say  “Lord, we know you are here listening, we recognize your presence as we ask for your help with this situation. Amen.” then go back to what you were discussing. It's that simple, you just prayed a powerful prayer .

If you two are going through a heated argument or a fight, pause in the middle of trying to win the fight and say: “you know what baby, God will not be happy with us doing this. Let us just pause here and invite Him to calm our hearts and emotions."Then pray.

 

Learn how to pray for your calendar and schedules. You don’t need to have vigils before you can speak a word of prayer as your partner is sharing their plans and projects with you. You also need to use positive confessions in your words. They are prayers too. Confess that you are a winner, you are a success, and that the interview will favour you. Confess that the project is already a finished testimony. Speak positive words into each other’s plans as you talk.

Lastly, you don't have to wait for a convenient time to communicate with God because He doesn’t need a convenient time to listen. Talk to God and your partner about it in joint prayers.

Major lessons from the review.

• A Godly Relationship begins with you. 
• Prayers can be as simple as our normal conversations. 
• Pray as much as you talk. 
• You can talk to God anytime because He doesn't have a schedule.
  

 

The book Prayer Deposits, authored by Allison Hyacintho was published in December 2017. You can get a copy by visiting the author's website here. 

 

Conviction, Communication and Romance in Godly Relationships

 

Many times, we are asked how we got the conviction that we were meant for each other, especially because many people today have specs for the kind of guy or lady they want to be with. We also get to answer many questions about how we communicate in our relationship especially when we had a long distance season (during the COVID-19 outbreak in 2020) and could barely see for months.

In this love interview episode on Anuoluwapo Adeyemi's podcast series, we talked about these topics and much more, especially as regards our relationship. We made sure to address specifically, different talks from conviction, communication and romance, answering the pinning questions from our beautiful host.

You should listen to this interesting interview. It is totally worth it and you can take our word for it. You can binge listen on My Companion Podcast  through any of the following links:

Anchor

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Spotify

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Apple Podcast

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Google Podcast 

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The Value of Adam's Bones

18: And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

19: And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

20: And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

21: And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

22:And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

23: And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

24: Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

25: And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed


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The Daily Relationship Prayer Guide

Every relationship needs deliberate and consistent prayer. This is because, without it, such relationship can quickly become stale with each spouse’s heart hardening with every passing day until they are on the brink of a breakup. Prayer forms a bond that is stronger than basic communication.

Relationships and marriages were originally created to be triangular in nature, having God, the man and the woman as active participants in it. The presence of God is what keeps the relationship going, excluding the other activities you may engage in on a horizontal plane with your partner. This month at the Two Become One Community, we have committed ourselves into praying for our partners, relationships and future spouses. In the following action prayer paragraphs, we have highlighted a few reasons and things to pray for in your relationship. As a guide, you can take one paragraph daily as a prayer point until you finish up all days.

 

1. Pray to God to help you both to know Him more.

A strong relationship is built when two people, moving in the same direction try to become more like Jesus. To do that, they must connect with God through the Word and prayer, among other spiritual activities. Each person must gently encourage the other when they are not engaging in these practices regularly and celebrate each other when they grow spiritually.

 

2. Pray for Help to love like God loves.

Partners will never contemplate breakup or a divorce when they are busy making sacrifices for each other’s welfare. In praters, partners should make a covenant with God to love each other the way Christ loved His church. This will allow you to sacrifice often and forgive each other easily, thus helping you achieve joy and purpose in the relationship. Not only will you discover a newfound love for your partner, you will also live the abundant life Christ promised.

 

3. Pray for Help to see each other the way God does.

Everyone makes mistakes because of the imperfect nature of flesh. While we are dead to sin, it is still easy to get down on each other when we’ve allowed busyness and other distractions to detract from the relationship. Partners should prayerfully reflect and ask God to help them see each other the way He sees them. Consult Scripture and pray regular blessings over your partner. When you take time to bless your partner, the blessings will come back to you in a deeper love and appreciation for them. And you will see each other just as God sees them - who they truly are (loved by God).

 

4. Pray for Help to forgive like God forgives you.

Matthew 6:15 says, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive yours.”  

Forgiveness is hard, especially in marriage where your spouse has wronged you through infidelity or another grievous sin. But there is nothing that can’t be forgiven because it is all covered under the blood Christ shed for us on the cross (in marriage). However, if such happens while you’re both courting, read here Things to Do when your Partner is in another Affair to know what to do.

When a relationship prayerfully functions with this reality in mind, you can (with Christ’s help) free your partner from the prison of sin—and free yourself from the burden of unforgiveness.

 

5. Pray for Help to be slow to anger.

In Psalm 86:15, we understand that God shows compassion toward those He loves, and so should we. Pray and ask God to help you see your partner with His eyes and not your own. It will change the way you see and act in your marriage. Practice compassion and be slow to get angry. The less angry you become, the more love you’ll show.

 

6. Pray for Help to be slow to speak.

It’s a popular saying that God gave us two ears and one mouth because He wants us to listen twice as much as we speak. Much as God wants to use us as His mouthpiece, He sometimes just wants us to remain silent. A part of spiritual maturity attained in the place of consistent prayers to God, is discerning when God wants us to speak and when He doesn’t.