Our generation has seen and gone through a lot that true love and commitment seems like a facade to anyone who hears it. Family is also becoming a thorn to young people out there who want to be independent at the slightest opportunity they get. Many people have seen through life that they would question true love and be very sensitive to the slightest things. They probably say that a happy couple is faking it or “you don’t know what they are going through” because there’s an image that makes us believe people can’t be genuinely happy in a relationship. Also, we somewhat try to see it like someone has to meet up with the other because we are scared to go the extra mile so as not to be seen as cheap or the one who’s doing the most. Meanwhile, when Jesus died for us in this love relationship, He was doing the most.
Of a truth, not everyone is happy. People go through abusive relationships and still appear happy but there are still people who go through really sweet relationships and have the time of their lives.
We need couples who would actually show these things without fear of it ending in tears because it actually won’t. As such, if you see people happy and posting their pictures and telling you how beautiful life has been for them, before you question whether they are happy or not, celebrate and possess your possession before your thoughts possess something else for you. People are genuinely happy. You might have seen something different in your life but you can actually choose to write your own story of love and secure your happiness.
Finally, if you’re in a relationship and scared to flaunt your partner (not because it’s not your thing but) because you think it would end in tears, ask yourself first if that’s the plan. If it’s not the plan, you should read our article here on how PDA is scriptural. Flaunting your partner is one sign of a happy relationship (although it happens otherwise too). You must know that you can be happy in your relationship and it truly depends on you.
Have you ever found yourself eating the least kind of meal with your family in this part of the world? I mean Garri, without sugar, groundnut or any additional condiments? But in your own little world, you are eating a full course meal on the same table with great men?
I know only a few might be able to relate with this illustration, but that is who I am. At the hardest moments and in the lowest places without my desired lifestyle, I still see myself living my dreams life and achieving my goals and not allowing my present situation stand in my way.
This ability has propelled me to look deeper for a reason to live, and not just live but live a purpose filled life. In the search for my life’s purpose, I have come to discover what I live for. This is what has brought me to the blogging community.
I help individuals that are single, dating or married to live a life of purpose in line with this-know the basic steps to choosing the right life partner for them. That makes me a life and relationship coach. On this page, we will discuss how to live a happy life with the right partner. We would also discuss different topics on relationship.
Guys, because we are talking about love we will be making this page our love tribe and I came up with a name for the tribe that I think you all will really like LOLONYA meaning “love is beautiful”. This is a name I chose because underneath the pains and struggles in a relationship, we find its beauty.
I would drop contents on this tribe twice in a week and I hope to see you often to learn more on how to live a happy life with the right partner.
While it is enough for you to know God, you must also assure yourself that God is with you in your relationship. Assure yourself that God does not fail and that your relationship will be a success. He definitely wants the very best for you and your partner just as He has declared in His word in Jeremiah 29:11
You also need to determine to make the relationship work. There is a position of collective work in every relationship. Just as Paul writes in 1st Corinthians 3:6, there is a need for individual efforts alongside God's grace to hold a relationship together. Your relationship is a product of your efforts to sustain it and should turn deaf ears against any form negativity. When partners put in this determination to make their relationship work, they can fight any breakup scares together.
There is also a need to sew your garment where it's torn. In every relationship, you gradually get to know certain basic things about your partner and can tell whether or not it is sufficient to cause a break up in your relationship. When you find out these loopholes, you can call your partner's attention to it and ensure that they work on these tears in the relationship.
With all of these, we still assure ourselves that God's word stands at all times. His word spoke life to our relationship and only His word can turn off that life. It is also true that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, but at the same time it is only a successful relationship that can yield into marriage. Put all hands on deck and shut out every form of negativity and you will not experience a breakup.
Break ups happen to anyone and it can be really terrible. So, what really causes break up in relationships and marriages?
The breakups might have been connected or disconnected to the lock down. In whichever way, the lock down played a major role. From a survey and counseling records, many individuals broke up around the time for some reasons which were really strong while some others were issues that could have been resolved. However, the major reasons why these relationships crashed will be discussed in this article, especially with steps to handle these issues subsequently.
This lockdown took different toll on people especially those doing long distance (like us) and of course, no one could locomote at the time so no visit, data was for online courses, people got broke so no airtime and many more happened. All these things might seem like hindrances to communication but I think we get the definition of communication wrong 70% of the time. Communication is not about just talking to each other, communication is also about how you talk to each other— facial expressions, gifts, talks, what you talk about, accountability, etc. It is very possible that you'd talk everyday and still not communicate. It took me time to learn this because I just thought we were talking but because I took decisions rapidly, I could have built a house without telling my partner even if we talked everyday.
What do you talk about and how do you talk about it?
While this may come as a shocker for you, it is really what it is. In this video chat with Della, Fadeelat and Boluwatife discussed so much about their genotype and how it has affected their relationship lives among other things. It is quite strange that it is a very necessary factor to consider in many relationships.
If you have anything “S” in your genotype, please, find an AA. And normalize asking before you go any further.
You may also read Dating God First
3. Lack of Personal Understanding
If you don’t understand yourself, there’s no how you can understand your partner. For a while in our relationship, we couldn’t even hold hands in public and it wasn’t because we felt it was wrong. I just realized that my partner wasn’t used to it and I had to let him take his time before he got used to it. It was his first relationship, while I had more experience than he did. He understood this and communicated this to me. As mentioned above, communication also comes in here. If he didn’t understand his person, he wouldn’t have communicated it to me and I would have seen it to be something else— maybe he didn’t love me or he didn’t want to be found with me.
Read: 5 Relationship Lessons from the Life of Boaz and Ruth
A lot of personal understanding goes into you before you can bring yourself to be with someone else. In our post on how to manage conflicts in your relationship, we discussed issues related to this. If personal understanding is not in place, misunderstanding can come into it and break up with occur.
4. Diversion of Purpose
If you miss this one, such relationship will irretrievably break, except of course you are ready to be involved with someone who is not concerned with life or decides to live life as it comes.. When you discover that your partner is not interested in certain interests that align with God's purpose for your life as a believer or that they are less concerned about building a future for themselves, you have a red flag already and such relationship is heading for the rocks. The best way to identify that your partner is not interested in purpose is that you will see signs that express their desire for your relationship in the present. They are usually not considering a future for the relationship. At this point, you should definitely leave your slippers and run. This is one reason why it’s important to know your purpose first before you get into a relationship. If you don’t know your purpose, you can’t know the purpose of your relationship.
This can be the most challenging reason for anyone to break up. Once any parent doesn’t agree, it becomes an issue and here, only prayer can solve it and maybe talking to other relatives about it. In times when it’s looking like nothing can change their minds, prayer is the only way. Prayer for change of heart and wisdom to pull through. This one can be exhausting.
God doesn’t just bring two people together without a purpose. There must be a purpose for your relationship. This was one of the first conversations we had when this fine man asked me out. I noticed he was supportive in helping me plan my outreaches while we were but friends but he never followed for an outreach or donated (at least that’s what I thought). Until my friend told me he had been donating all the while with another person’s account I had consistently seen on the record.
Please, don’t be under pressure to jump on any AA you see. The fact that the person is AA doesn’t mean s/he’s the one. There is still a need to pray about it and be sure.
My relationship is far from what we want which is perfect and if we can work out our salvation, we believe we can work this out too. Never. Compare. Your. Relationship. What works for A doesn’t work for B all the time. If your partner doesn’t do what they do in other relationships, don’t pressurize them. This life is one.
One bitter truth with jumping into any relationship is the fact that if you rush in, you will rush out. You must always calm down and take time to pray about it. The same way God doesn’t wear flip flop is how he will not wear it and bring you out of the wrong relationship. You do not need to look around you and measure your timeline to someone else’s. I still know some people who are not in any relationship now, that will get married before me. Don’t buy your partner gifts because that’s what works for you. If it’s your language, it might not be their language. There’s a balance and you don’t need to compare.
The statement that kills people fast and leads them to failed relationships and marriages is that "you’re getting old and all your mates are getting married". You need to lose yourself from its effects, take things one step at a time and calm down because your partner would definitely come at the right time.
Many times, we are asked how we got the conviction that we were meant for each other, especially because many people today have specs for the kind of guy or lady they want to be with. We also get to answer many questions about how we communicate in our relationship especially when we had a long distance season (during the COVID-19 outbreak in 2020) and could barely see for months.
In this love interview episode on Anuoluwapo Adeyemi's podcast series, we talked about these topics and much more, especially as regards our relationship. We made sure to address specifically, different talks from conviction, communication and romance, answering the pinning questions from our beautiful host.
You should listen to this interesting interview. It is totally worth it and you can take our word for it. You can binge listen on My Companion Podcast through any of the following links:
Every relationship needs deliberate and consistent prayer. This is because, without it, such relationship can quickly become stale with each spouse’s heart hardening with every passing day until they are on the brink of a breakup. Prayer forms a bond that is stronger than basic communication.
Relationships and marriages were originally created to be triangular in nature, having God, the man and the woman as active participants in it. The presence of God is what keeps the relationship going, excluding the other activities you may engage in on a horizontal plane with your partner. This month at the Two Become One Community, we have committed ourselves into praying for our partners, relationships and future spouses. In the following action prayer paragraphs, we have highlighted a few reasons and things to pray for in your relationship. As a guide, you can take one paragraph daily as a prayer point until you finish up all days.
1. Pray to God to help you both to know Him more.
A strong relationship is built when two people, moving in the same direction try to become more like Jesus. To do that, they must connect with God through the Word and prayer, among other spiritual activities. Each person must gently encourage the other when they are not engaging in these practices regularly and celebrate each other when they grow spiritually.
2. Pray for Help to love like God loves.
Partners will never contemplate breakup or a divorce when they are busy making sacrifices for each other’s welfare. In praters, partners should make a covenant with God to love each other the way Christ loved His church. This will allow you to sacrifice often and forgive each other easily, thus helping you achieve joy and purpose in the relationship. Not only will you discover a newfound love for your partner, you will also live the abundant life Christ promised.
3. Pray for Help to see each other the way God does.
Everyone makes mistakes because of the imperfect nature of flesh. While we are dead to sin, it is still easy to get down on each other when we’ve allowed busyness and other distractions to detract from the relationship. Partners should prayerfully reflect and ask God to help them see each other the way He sees them. Consult Scripture and pray regular blessings over your partner. When you take time to bless your partner, the blessings will come back to you in a deeper love and appreciation for them. And you will see each other just as God sees them - who they truly are (loved by God).
4. Pray for Help to forgive like God forgives you.
Matthew 6:15 says, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive yours.”
Forgiveness is hard, especially in marriage where your spouse has wronged you through infidelity or another grievous sin. But there is nothing that can’t be forgiven because it is all covered under the blood Christ shed for us on the cross (in marriage). However, if such happens while you’re both courting, read here Things to Do when your Partner is in another Affair to know what to do.
When a relationship prayerfully functions with this reality in mind, you can (with Christ’s help) free your partner from the prison of sin—and free yourself from the burden of unforgiveness.
5. Pray for Help to be slow to anger.
In Psalm 86:15, we understand that God shows compassion toward those He loves, and so should we. Pray and ask God to help you see your partner with His eyes and not your own. It will change the way you see and act in your marriage. Practice compassion and be slow to get angry. The less angry you become, the more love you’ll show.
6. Pray for Help to be slow to speak.
It’s a popular saying that God gave us two ears and one mouth because He wants us to listen twice as much as we speak. Much as God wants to use us as His mouthpiece, He sometimes just wants us to remain silent. A part of spiritual maturity attained in the place of consistent prayers to God, is discerning when God wants us to speak and when He doesn’t.