How Two Become One

When God formed Eve out of Adam’s side and gave a reason for the creation of the marriage union, He also gave a summary of how a marriage and relationship is to function and what it is to birth.

This means first that marriage is an exclusive union between one male and one female. This also represents God’s original, pure definition of marriage.

Marriage forms a unique family unit. The building block of society, in God’s view, is the family unit. The nucleus of this family unit is the husband-wife relationship.

 

Marriage is meant to be the most intimate, fulfilling relationship that two people can experience. God’s Word describes marriage as a man and woman uniting to become one flesh. This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” - Genesis 2:24

After marriage, they are no longer simply two single individuals, but now the two make one unit, one couple. This does not mean that God’s joining of two people means that either one of them lose their individuality. They remain two separate people with distinct personalities, and with individual needs and desires. However, when we choose to join with another in marriage, we focus on the “we” and “ours”, rather than on “me” and “mine”. It is then that the Two Become One Journey begins properly. Partners become one body with God at this time so It would not be wise to take care of only part of your body and neglect the rest, else, the neglected part would suffer and cause the entire body to suffer too. 

Symbolically, a couple becomes one formally at their wedding ceremony, but learning to actually live as one does not happen instantly through the simple exchange of vows. This is one of many reasons why there is a courtship period to begin a bonding process. Since man fell, selfishness set in, making humans tend to be more concerned with our own comfort and happiness than with that of others. This is why we hear it said often that “marriage takes work”. 

Marriage is designed to be the closest possible relationship on the human plane. According to, Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew Lexicon, the word translated as “joined” in the New King James Version is the Hebrew word dabaq, which means “to cling, stick, stay close, cleave, keep close, stick to or to stick with”. This describes the close emotional bond that should develop between a husband and wife. Christ later explained this by saying, “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder” (Mark 10:9). Except in some circumstances where divorce is permitted, God’s standard is that marriages are to stay intact until death (Romans 7:2) and that husband and wife are to become “one flesh.”

Thus, Partners are one unit and they are to think and act in unity, expressing a level of mutual care and love for each other that is deeper than any other human relationship (Ephesians 5:22-33).

Intimacy

As discussed earlier, God designed marriage to be the most intimate relationship that two people can have. It is through that intimacy that two become one. Intimacy can be shared in different ways as shall be discussed in subsequent paragraphs.

Firstly, Emotional intimacy helps parties in a relationship to be willing to get exposed emotionally to one another. That way, you can be vulnerable and allow your partner to see the fragility of your emotions. Partners should never take advantage of emotional intimacy by attacking each others vulnerable areas. Each partner should protect the other partner's emotions. A relationship should be a place where each partner feels safe enough to be open about feelings.

Again, Spiritual intimacy is less thought of as a kind of intimacy, however, partners are meant to become one in many areas, even spiritually. They should each put Christ at the center of their marriage. Prayer, Bible study, and worship are great means to have an intimate relationship with Christ, so when two people share these things, they are drawn closer together. Partners need to pray for one another and spend time in prayer together. Taking time each day for a devotion or Bible study is a great way to bond together and to join with God in an intimate way.

Another is Physical intimacy. There is nothing more intimate that sexual intercourse. Through sexual intimacy, a couple becomes physically one, just as God designed. Couples should express physical intimacy outside the bedroom as well. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, and even just being playful are all forms of intimacy. A simple touch can communicate love, concern, compassion, appreciation, support, or understanding. 

However, please note that Sexual intimacy before and outside of marriage is wrong. It is only right when both parties are lawfully married so it is advised that courting couples should instead build emotional and spiritual intimacy. Sex, in the Bible, is described as a very pure act when it is practised within the marriage union. It is designed to physically and emotionally bond a married couple (1 Corinthians 7:2-4) and for reproduction (Genesis 9:7; Malachi 2:15).  On the other hand, emotional intimacy can be a much deeper connection than sexual intimacy. Also, sexual relationships do not always lead to emotional intimacy, but connecting with someone emotionally first, often leads to sexual intimacy (later in marriage). Again spiritual intimacy helps you build stamina to withdraw from sexual mishaps that could come while courting.

Intimacy on all levels should be reserved for your partner. If by the way, you need the support of someone else, then confide in a family member, a trusted friend of the same-sex, or seek the counsel of a pastor or counselor. Becoming one with your partner means that you put them and the relationship above all else, so honor your spouse and the relationship.

Lessons from the Period of Singleness

The period of singleness is one that is very important in the life of every individual that looks to getting into a relationship in future. This period is one where you are to form a strong bond with yourself, know yourself and recognize your identity. It is only when one is able to recognize his true self that the right decisions about life, spirituality, finances and even relationship can be made. This period can never be over emphasized in the life of any single person, this period has the power to make you enjoy your relationship so well, if maximized.

Take a stroll with me and let us look at Tolani’s life and her little experience in Lagos. She went to Lagos to visit her friends who loves to have fun at all the available bars and clubs on their street. As usual they had to go out and have fun and Tolani decided to go with them this time. Little did she know that her friend are not only heavy drinkers but they also smoke. Tolani was offered a stick of cigarette, but she looked at them and smiled and said “I am not a smoker” … let’s move down to my point, Tolani could have said “I do not smoke” which sounds a little more pleasant, right? And she could have been convinced to give smoking a try, but she chose to answer them based on her identity- that she is not a smoker.

Far from smoking or drinking, the period of singleness like I said one where we have to recognize who we are by building a strong relationship with one’s self. When we work on understanding who we really are, we not only make decisions that affects us positively in our daily life, but we can also understand what we want our relationship to look like in respect to who we are, (if I am a preacher, I should actually look out for someone who is a lover of the gospel, so that together we can share the word), we will also be able to identify our fears, hurts from the past and insecurities and be able to heal from them if not totally, at least to a reasonable extent so that we won’t be a burden to our future partner, if this period is also well spent, we will be able to recognize our actual needs and also know how to communicate them to our future partners even if we don’t know them (our partner) well. It also saves you the stress of jumping from one relationship to the other.

But all these in the period of singleness? How do we know the right way to connect with our self and accept and improve our identity? By first building a strong relationship with a greater person that knows more about our identity, that is God, by allowing Him to instill in us everything that we need and that will mold us for what is coming ahead. Wait, I know this also might seem a little bit hard to but you really have to be ready for the process of God remolding and reshaping you into who you really need to become. You can also get mentors (in the spiritual and relationship aspect) that can lead you to understanding how to gain clarity about yourself and all aspects of your life including your relationship.

Know that relationship is not all about sex, pleasure, money, positions and all other peripherals, but to confirm this, and to make relationship more than just dating to break up or dating for the wedding day and then living to regret the whole process over and times again, know that there is a great need to be clear about who you are.

 

 

 Lessons from Singlehood

Being Single is a complete learning season in the life of a man. It comes as a gift and must be lived to its fullest. This is why it follows extreme wisdom to handle properly, what singlehood entails.

One basic lesson learnt in single hood is the knowledge that you must walk into God’s plan and be ordered into what He’s ordained for you. The season must be maximised because when it wraps up, no one can turn back the hands of time. Enjoy it while it lasts. There’s a time to be single and a time to be married.
 


Before you say, “I do” Understand that as a lady, you’re first the BRIDE OF CHRIST before you’ll become the WIFE OF A MAN. Isaiah 54:5 same for the guys. When the Scriptures admonish us to LOVE GOD…it is enough to make us have good relationships, in loving God you will fall in love with yourself, and only then can you love people as you should. The Holy Spirit gives us the capacity for divine love.

Before you say, “I do” Learn to be whole and secure. Sweethearts, you’re not defined by your marital status. Your life doesn’t start or begins the very day you start a relationship or get married, it has started since yesterday when you had your first cry. So hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love, but never dare put your life on hold for love. Your identity is not found in your relationship status but who you are in Christ Jesus.

Before you say, “I do” find true happiness in your life. Don’t wait for a mate to make you happy. Of course, two is better than one and your partner must be such a shoulder to lean on yet you must be a happy somebody. I shared with our married daughters that no husband can fulfill the ministry of the Holy Spirit in our lives. You must learn to be happy. Happiness is said to be a choice, this is the pathway to fulfillment in life and marriage.

Before you say, “I do” learn to build and enjoy friendship with your immediate family, friends, and neighbours.

A romantic relationship is not the only relationship you need in life. We are social beings, learn how to relate, and tolerate people. Social intelligence is very important. I watched a very hot-tempered lady fighting her little sister with harmful objects. In annoyance, she left for her fiance’s house and said angrily, “When am I leaving my Father’s house?” #smiling She thought getting married is a way of escape.

Before you say, “I do” Find a meaning to your life and get busy with it. Explore your talents and gifts, go after your interest and passion. What should you start doing? Stop delaying/postponing it. I dare you to start being a blessing to lives.

Before you say, “I do” God wants you to learn SELF-CONTROL. I know what it means to have urged as a single lady sometimes it gets so tense I had to pray in tongues. Why would God put this urge in my body when I am not allowed to have sex before marriage? It is to teach us self control. I and my husband have had times on the mission field where we couldn’t act husband_and_wife for a Month. #NoShow and we were good. Train your body.

More so, marriage doesn’t solve all your sexual issues/problems, please seek counsel and get healed before tying the knot.

Before you say, I do” embrace a mentorship relationship and be accountable to people who have spiritual authority over you. My husband was having counselling sessions with a married woman who reported how unruly her husband has been. Hubby asked her to report him to his parents, pastor or mentor to which she replied, “He doesn’t listen to ANYBODY and he has no mentor”

Who is your Father?
Prayerfully submit to a mentor.
Build quality Relationships… Family, friends, etc

Before you say, “I do” learn financial prudence. Who wants to marry a man who gambles with money? Who wants to marry a lady whose life investment is in a shopping spree?

Give yourself a nice treat but learn how to manage your finance. You’re not too old to have a piggy bank, savings, and investment schemes. Start learning how to draw a scale of preference/priority. Cut down unreasonable spendings.

Before you say, I do” understand that your marriage is all about the KINGDOM. Your marriage is ordained to be a blessing. There’s a lot God will achieve through the union of two people who are sold out to His Kingdom. God wants to model a GODLY MARRIAGE to the world, He needs your marriage as a Model. Be purposeful about your relationships.

 

How to Identify Red Flags in a Relationship

Red flags

We saw this red flag but then we continue thinking things will work out or because we feel stuck and we don't know how to walk out of it or the feeling of what will people think of me!

This is a big shout out to the men & women out there who know what they wanted and did not settle for less. I will talk about it later in the day.

Managing Exes in Your Relationship

I generally believe that there are two kinds of exes - the troublesome ones and the non troublesome ones. 

It is really annoying to have people from your past bring back memories that you have taken your all to put behind you. This is why it’s important to learn how to manage your own ex(es) while your relationship or marriage is alive - if you want it to remain so.

When you have a partner, who has his or her ex coming back to be unnecessarily friendly with your partner, it could raise a lot of dust in your relationship and can cause even you to become an ex if the issue cannot be solved.

When we talk about exes, there is a need to know what caused the break up in the first place: it could’ve been that the previous relationship was toxic or both partners decided breakup the relationship on a mutual base. It might have been due to genotype issues or family issues. Whatever it maybe, there is a need to know what caused the breakup. When we know what the problem was, we would know how to handle the ex.

Even in this age, we have people who think having an ex is bad, but the truth is that is not bad. Having an ex or exes doesn’t make you the worst person on earth, maybe luck hasn’t been on your side. Never judge a person by the number of people they have been in a relationship with.

Things happen in different relationships that cause break up, but it is good to make sure that the break up is a sharp one; it has to be in clear terms so both parties will be sure that there’s hardly any chance of getting back together especially if one of them is in another relationship. So, if there’s any case of lingering feelings coming back to the surface, you have something to hold on to as a reason for the break up. This is good to avoid further break up on both sides 

 Most people have the wrong notion about exes and this makes them feel like it is a bad thing to ever be in touch with their exes. Being friends with your ex if you left on good terms is good. In cases where the previous relationship was broken up because of physical abuse, it is best to keep away from the each other. That is best so that both parties will keep safe emotionally, psychologically, physically and in all other part of their life. In cases where the abuser will not agree to respect the other person, it will be good to set clear boundaries with the person.

In cases whereby you have moved on, and started a new relationship, it is good and fair to make sure that your new partner knows all about your past. if you have an ex coming back your present partner should know about it. So, the two of you can find the best way to handle it together. If there are cases where by you and your ex had children, or in case of lingering feelings coming to the surface, it is best that you don’t hide it from the person you are looking to date  so they can tell if they can handle it or not. It is best that your present partner or the person you are looking to dating should be someone you can open up to freely and be sure that the two of you can handle the situation maturely. 

In cases where you feel like you cannot tell your partner about your ex and things that happened between you two, you can tell your mentor or coach or someone that can give you a good advice. 

You and your partner should also have a mentor or a coach that you can discuss these things with and you get good advice if you’re not sure you can trust your partner to handle it maturely.

Conclusion

Every person entering into a relationship comes with a bag pack full of their past experiences, fears, hurts and expectations for the future. Patience and effective communication in needed to be able to work on a lot of things together and build a relationship that both partners appreciate. 

7 Lessons from Queen Esther and King Xerxes

The story of Esther and Xerxes is common to many people as it is one of the Bible stories told over and over again. It Is the story of a young lady who through her character and obedience, finds favour and becomes the queen of king Xerxes in place of Queen Vashti. Looking into their story, below are some lessons we can learn from them both.

1. Esther was obedient. She was obedient to her uncle, she was obedient to Hegai who was in charge of her and her obedience paid off as she found favour and became the queen. Her obedience made her significant and it was her obedience that later saved her people from perishing. A woman who desires a positively exemplary home has to be obedient to God, her husband, parents and other authorities once it's not contradicting to the word of God and what she believes in.

2. King Xerxes was a man who knew what he was looking for and when he found Esther, he didn't hesitate to make her his. The Bible says he loved Esther more than all the other women that had come and he made her queen immediately. As we look forward to having homes in the future, it is important to spend time in prayer and with God, conversing with Him about what we want and what He'd have us do. This would save us stress of doing trial and error relationships and would make it more easy to recognize your partner when he or she comes.

Read- Respect in Courtship: Who deserves it more?

3. King Xerxes was almost always seeking the opinion of others. As a king, it was important but there were some decisions he could have made himself. Some of the opinions others gave him led to problems and didn't help the situation. Even if we seek for the opinion of others, we should weigh it with what we believe and think of the consequences before carrying such out.

4. Esther had to save her people from the threat of Haman. When she heard, and after she was spoken to by her uncle Modecai, she ordered that she and her maids and those who served her to not eat but to pray and seek God's face as she knew the consequences of visiting the king without him asking for her. A woman knees needs to be close to the ground and her voice constantly heard in heaven interceding for her family and that concerns her. This also applies to men. Both men and women have to understand the importance of prayer and apply it to their everyday lives.

5. King Xerxes had anger issues thus it took a woman who had studied and understood him and was wise enough to handle him. Don't make assumptions in relationships. Know as much as possible the person you're building with, with hopes to spend the rest of your life with and when there are signs, don't ignore them.

6. Esther knew her husband's weakness and used it to her advantage. She knew he loved wine and when he was in good spirits he could do anything. Thus, she used it to her advantage. We shouldn't use our partner's weaknesses against them but use it in a way that would benefit both of us. Esther could have died thus, initiating another search for another queen but she used King Xerxes weakness to save herself, her people and her marriage.

Read: When Spirituality bows to Emotions

7. King Xerxes had the habit of making decisions without thinking through. He was unwise in making many decisions which led to dire consequences. He made decisions without thinking through and for which when he had a rethink was too late or almost  too late. For example when queen Vashti was removed, when he gave Haman the authority to wipe out the Jews etc. As men and ladies, we are not to make decisions without thinking of the consequences and how it would affect not just us but every other person around us.

5 Relationship Lessons from the Life of Boaz and Ruth

Today, we would be looking at and sharing our lessons from the story of Boaz and Ruth and we would be studying/ discussing Ruth 2: 1-13 and Ruth 4:1-17.

The story of Ruth and her Mother-in-law, Naomi is quite popular. The story talks about a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law who stayed and lived together after their husbands died. Ruth had refusef to go back to her house but to stay with her mother-in-law till death, a commitment to not just her husband but to his family (till death).

When we look at the life of Ruth and Boaz separately and how they were groomed before coming together to become one, we get to learn the following about Ruth:

1. Ruth never gave up: This is shown throughout the scriptures from her desire to stay with her mother in law to her desire to search for food for both her mother in law and herself in order to prevent hunger.

 

Couple | Image- www.ifegrace.com

2. Ruth was Hardworking

Ruth could have sat down, crossed her legs and complained about how God wasn't fair or about how poor widows were. But she didn't. She told her mother inlaw she was going to find food and she did. And when she did, she kept at it, working hard and only taking a break when needed. The question here is what has God placed in your hands? What do you have that you are doing? Are you doing it with all your might or nonchalantly yet, you feel your prayers are not being answered? Think about it.

3. Ruth was Obedient

She was obedient to God, obedient to her mother in law. She did whatever she asked her to do. In fact she adores her mother in law. With all her might. Think about it: are you ready to be obedient to your mother in law? Are you ready to allow her to guide you and correct you when you make mistakes? Are you ready to respect her like you would respect your mother ?

4. Ruth spoke words laced with grace and respect: she spoke respectfully to her mother in law and even to Boaz. When he asked her to glean as much as she can, she thanked him, she appreciated him. And she prayed for him (a stranger). What kind of words come out of your mouth? Are they words seasoned with grace and laced with respect?

5. Ruth made herself Available

In chapter 3, we see where Naomi gave Ruth tips on how to get Boaz to marry her (after she discovered he was a relative liable for marriage to Ruth). Naomi asked her to have her bath, use perfume and dress in her best clothes. Sometimes, we're trusting God for relationships and we are looking hoping and praying and believing. But the truth is packaging also matters when it comes to relationships. We all need to learn to dress well not just on the outside but also on the inside so that whenever the right person comes along, he or she wouldn't be chased away based on how we look/talk. And for those who are in relationships, dressing, seasoned words play an important role in our relationships.

For Boaz, here are some of the lessons we can learn.

1. Boaz was hardworking

Boaz as a single was hard working. If he didn't have that field Ruth had the opportunity to work on, maybe he would never have met her. Guys, you're hoping for a particular kind of woman but what kind of man are you? Boaz was able to provide for Ruth (even before marriage) we all can't keep lazying around and expect the best relationships. What do you have in your hands? What are your gifts and talents and abilities? Are you using them? Or you're waiting for one big opportunity to come. Boaz started from somewhere. He was a farmer. It was hard work and persistence that helped him get so much in order to own a field.

2. Boaz was observant

He noticed Ruth. He saw what was good and he made inquiries about it. "Who is that woman?" He asked his servant. And for Ruth too, she stood out. That's why Boaz was able to notice her. Have you discovered anything that makes you stand out from the crowd? Everyone is unique in one way or the other and most times it's what makes you stand out that gets you noticed. As we hope and pray and believe for great relationships, there is the need to be observant and at alert so as not to miss what God has for us.

3. Boaz had values and he understood traditions 

Boaz knew what he stood for and he stood by it. He didn't take advantage of Ruth when she came to lie at his feet. Instead, he did as expected and followed traditions and ensured Ruth received what was due to her. It says a whole lot about Boaz and what he stands for. Do people know you for what you stand for?

Remember if you stand for nothing, you would fall for anything. He also respected traditions and he followed procedure. For most things in life, there is always a procedure. We shouldn't neglect the process in haste to get results. The patient dog eats the fattest bone. Never forget that.

Ruth was said to love her mother in law. It was so obvious the people of the town made comment about her being worth more than seven sons.

For singles, determine to love your mother in laws. If you go into marriage with the mindset that mother in laws are devils, you would most likely have problems with your mother in law. Also, delay is never denial. In chapter 1, Ruth was married to Mahlon for 10 years. She didn't conceive, she didn't have children. She might have received insults and looked at one way or the other but when it was time, the Bible says God blessed her (provision) and she conceived which was not long after she and Boaz got married. Therefore, let us not forget that God always has plans and whether today looks great or not, we can trust Him about tomorrow cos we are assured He has our best interest at heart.

Should You Spiritualize Everything In Your Relationship?

In our article here, we discussed how self-love should sometimes come before romantic love. By now you should know that you are not selfish just because you are showing yourself care. Someone once asked me, ‘Do you think it is appropriate to spiritualize everything in my relationship?’ Trust me, the question was a tricky one but I ended up saying NO. 

Today, I will be sharing with you why I think you should not spiritualize everything in your relationship.

Spirituality has to do with your concern and dedication to God. It has to do with your love for God and how connect with Him. As children of God, we should understand that there is no part of our existence that we should exclude God from. In John 15:5 Jesus said: “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” Jesus Christ has already made it clear that if we are his and he is ours we will have a great life, a life that will show forth good things including good relationship. But the moment we detach from him, we can do nothing. Having a good relationship with God will help us to choose who to be in a relationship with.

Nevertheless, we must know that we have an unspoken 11th commandment- Do your will. God in His infinite goodness has given us the grace of free will to make decisions that we think are best for us. But in His wisdom and mercy, He has given us the Holy Spirit to direct us every time we need to make a decision. It is true that the spiritual controls the physical but with the presence of the Holy Spirit in your life you never have to make any bad decisions as long as you are willing you follow His instructions.

Failure to involve the Holy Spirit in all that you do is the beginning of problems in your life but your life including your relationship because you will make the wrong decisions thinking that you have done something right. Let me tell you a little about Brian and Mercy.

Both of them are Christians and have been courting for two years and four months. They attended a seminar where the speaker- Nicholson Jacklar mentioned that it is important for individuals to know their health conditions before they got married. A couple of days after the seminar they both decided to go for a medical checkup and they got to know that Brian is AS while Mercy is AC. One would expect them to know the right thing to do (seek counsel and find ways to go their separate ways) but they decided to pray about it because they are in love with each other.

The presence of the Holy Spirit in you will help you to know when to pray when to seek advice from experienced people when to be patient with your partner or when to communicate with him or her. Families crumble just because they are waiting on God to lead them when they are just supposed to help out their partner with something or listen to each other.

Yes! We need God in our relationship but we need to be wise enough to know when to act and when to wait. Not everything needs to be spiritualized. 

Love is beautiful and we can nurture it to bliss.

The Importance of Friendship in a Relationship

There is a common saying that “it is better to marry your best friend” and another that “the devil that you have known for a hundred years is better than the angel you just met”, are these sayings true? What does this mean? What if my best friend is not the kind of person that I would love to spend the rest of my life with? What if my best friend and I are of the same sex? All these are what we would be looking into in this post.

Many people get attracted to their partner due to different reasons. For some, the attraction came from the way they heard their partner talk; for others, the first attraction came from the mode of dressing or an act of kindness from their partners. Whatever the case maybe, something has to spark that first attraction for you to like that person. You would agree with me that it would be hard for you to like someone whose personality you cannot even cope with or whose values are entirely different from yours. This is to say that no matter who you would like to be in a relationship with, you would like them to be a person that you can relate very well with.  

  Research has shown that most of the couples that have a happy marriage were friends before they got married. For a relationship to be a good one, you and your partner have to connect on more than one level. This is where friendship comes into play. There is a need to be able to play, plan, read, pray, execute goals with your partner comfortably, this will help to strengthen the relationship and help you bond well with your partner. But how do you bond with someone you don’t even know? Let me start by saying that the person you want to start a relationship with is not necessarily supposed to have been your friend. But, no matter how you met, never skip the friendship stage. 

Tasha just met Ken at the mall and both of them exchanged phone numbers because they had a short time to talk at the mall while they were shopping and they got along so well. They also found out that they agreed on some things like soccer being a really nice game. Later the next day, Ken called Tasha and they both went out for an ice-cream. They had the time to talk more and get to know other things about each other. It was an evening of absolute cruise and thrill as the both of them had lots of fun talking about different things. In the midst of all the fun, Ken decided to ask Tasha a sweet and sincere question, so he said,

 “hey, I find out that we get along so well, and I feel like I have known you for years, (chuckles). Tash, the funniest thing is that we both even love soccer, really, I am so glad I met you at the mall yesterday."

Tasha said, “yes… it has been all fun moments with you.”

Then Ken said, “I would be really glad if we can take this friendship to another level.”

Tasha: "ok…?" (looking a bit shy and confused with a smile on her face)

Ken: "Tasha, I know we haven’t even spent up to 24 hours together but we’ve known so much about each other, so I decided to ask you, will you please be my girlfriend?"

Tasha, now all red and blushing said: "yes! yes! yes! I will love to."

****************************************

Hell no! that was not Tasha’s reply. Tasha said:

“ Ken, the truth remains, I have never felt so connected with a guy, I mean, I also feel like I have known you for a long time, and the fact that we agree on so many things? Wow... but ken, I cannot be your girlfriend, at least, not now. This is because I would really love us to get to know each other even better, so to be fair, let me ask, can we be friends?”

The point is that Tasha was able to put her emotions aside and let herself think. She definitely knew that at some point in the relationship, things might go wrong. So, no matter how bad you might want the relationship, never ever skip the stage of friendship (should I increase the volume?). The friendship stage is essential so that both individuals will get to know the basic things about each other. Things like this include their values, their drive, hobbies, life purpose, family background, personal discipline, work ethics and so on. This might look like a long and endless list of stressful things to do but they are the things that will help you know if you are compatible. Mind you, it is not possible to know all about that person at the stage of friendship.

It is also easy to feel like we can get to know these things while we are dating but the truth is if you remain friends for a reasonable time and watch each other closely, you will be able to discover new things about the other person even without asking them. By just paying attention and observing each other while being friends, you will know if your values and life’s purpose align and you will be able to decide the persons true personality to an extent. It is not possible to hide your true personality for a long time in a friendship and this is because true friends tend to be free with each other. If you are very observant, you will notice some red flags and green flags. In cases where you have discovered that the bad attributes are way more than the good attributes, you will be able to save yourself from having to break up any relationship because you never started one.

Big point: it is not about marrying your best friend, but more about not skipping the stage of friendship in your relationship. It is also not about settling for the devil you’ve known in years but being patient and observant enough to know if the new angel is not another devil in disguise.