4 Tips for Effective Communication in Your Relationship

In its literal form, communication means sending and receiving information. According to the Merriam Webster dictionary- “communication is a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior”. It is also the exchange of information. From these definitions, one can say that this act of communicating involves two parties and whatever information there is to be passed across.

 

Communication in a relationship involves two people (the couple) and whatever it is that they are talking about. In a relationship, there are specifications as to how communication should look like but the most important of them all is that it must be positive and progressive. This doesn’t mean that couples will not get to disagree on issues or that all their communication should be based on lovey-dovey talks. It however means that no matter how much they disagree on some certain matters pertaining to their relationship and life, they must make sure they understand the best communication style, make use of it while communicating and get positive and progressive results.

 

Communication can take different forms as stated in the Merriam Webster dictionary - the use of signs, symbols and or behavior. The major types of communication are the Verbal and the Non-verbal communication types and this two are really essential for couples in a relationship to understand. There is a crucial need for couples to understand each other, the different types of communication and the mood during communication. That way,  messages will not be passed or received in the wrong way. 

Communication is the heart and life of a healthy relationship and your choice of communication style can be the biggest bio-hazard to your relationship. As mentioned above, there are many things to consider in building effective communication with your partner but the most important is to make sure that no matter the way or communication style you choose, you must always reach a positive and progressive point or conclusion.

Verbal and Non-verbal Communication.

Verbal and non-verbal communication goes hand in hand and there is a need to understand both communication types. As couples, you and your partner should not ‘talk at’ each other but ‘talk with’ each other. Whenever you set out to have a conversation with your partner, it is essential that you do not only listen to the words that they speak but also to their facial expressions and body language at that moment. Remember that “action speaks louder than words ”. Your partner may say to you, ‘I love you’ in a very flat tone, but if you take time to notice his or her facial expression at that moment, one might be able to understand better what is meant.

In a situation where couples talk at each other, there would be many problems. This is because, instead of listening to one another, both parties will try to make their points thus resulting in a waste of time and effort. Also,  the couple will have to go over the same issues time and time again. If at all you are going to discuss certain issues with your partner, it is essential that you give it your all and do everything right to make sure that the communication is effective and something positive comes out of it. Remember, couples should stop talking at each other and start talking with each other.

Now that we have discussed communication types in relationships and what communication with our partner is supposed to look like, let's dig deeper into how effective communication can be achieved between individuals in a relationship. 

The reason behind lack of communication varies from couple to couple.

Sometimes the stress of work makes a person withdraw, become more reserved, touch, and easily irritated to the extent that they would not like to discuss anything with their partners; they would rather be left alone to try to figure things out. The more couples try to figure things out on their own the more the situation might get worse because being in a relationship makes your partner another you and like the common saying "two heads are better than one" so it is better to share your thoughts with your partner than to keep it to yourself than gradually become a angry person.

Research has shown that couples that communicate effectively in their relationship tend to do better in every part of their life than couples that communicate Ineffectively. Why? Because they are able to share their burden with their partner thereby, making it easy to carry.

All couples love to communicate effectively but most of them don't know how to and that is what we would be discussing as stated above.

Most couples try to communicate when they are angry or sad or too happy but it is important to understand that when we are not in our normal or original or calm state we do not make the best decisions therefore there is a need to make sure that before communicating with our partners we have to be in the right state of mind for communication (i.e we have to be prepared for communication before we start).

Stated below are 4 ways you can have effective communication in your relationship.

1. Be Fully Attentive

One of the biggest mistakes that couples make when they are speaking with their partner is that they do not pay full attention. This causes a lot of issues because they have to talk about the same thing over and over again. Active listening is the key ingredient for effective communication. When you are speaking with your partner there is a need to pay full attention. Try as much as possible to maintain eye contact. Do not play with objects. Avoid vigorous movement of the legs or other parts of the body. Try as much as possible to not interrupt your partner while he or she is talking. This will help you to understand your partner well because you will be able to take note of both their verbal and non-verbal way of communication at that moment and it helps your partner communicate better with you.

2. Communicate Everyday

Except in cases whereby communication is restricted, couples should make sure that they communicate daily There is need for couples to put some time aside everyday to communicate with each other and to catch up with the happenings of the day. This helps the couple to become more intimate. It also helps them to know what is going on in each other's world. By doing this daily and paying full attention in the process they are able to understand each other and are able to build healthier relationships with their partner.

3. Use "I statements" (Be Polite)

It is essential that when we are discussing with our partners we do not allow our emotions to take over us. It is better to speak intentionally and politely to our partner. The use of the  "I statements" when talking with our partner especially when discussing serious issues.

Instead of pushing blames and making it seem like whatever happened was our partners fault, we can make use of "I statements". For instance, "I would like it if you could wash the dishes after we eat" or "I would be happy if you could create more time for us to talk" this sounds better and would have more effect than "You never wash the dishes after we finish eating" or "You never create time for us to talk about important issues".

4. Listen with Focus and Intent

You would agree with me that you would be sad if after pouring your heart out to your partner and telling him or her how you feel about a particular thing in your relationship and you have to come back next week to discuss that same thing. Why? Because your partner only listened at that moment and said "OK! I will change" but he or she did not listen with Focus and Intent. In every relationship, it is essential that while you are communicating with your partner you are intentional and you will hold on to your integrity that when you say Yes, you mean it. If you have to go over the same thing every time it means your partner wasn't focused while you were discussing. This can lead to an unhealthy relationship.

Taking note of points like this is important in building a great relationship. Let’s meet in the comment section and you can also share more ways with me on how we can have effective communication our relationship

Thinking Purpose Before Partner

 The theme of the conference was Redefining Purpose. 

Then I thought to myself why would I let this go without sharing it with you? So, here we are. Just as the title of this post is, the topic of our new series is Before You Think Relationship.

It is true that a lot of people jump in and out of relationships without taking time to ask the question, “Am I Truly Ready For This?” Because of this single act of not asking or taking their time to check if they are ready, they go through so much hurt, stress and pain. Because you are a member of this community you have a head over them because you will know the important things to do and think about it before thinking relationship and if you have made that mistake before the last one you made will surely be the end of it- only if you follow these simple steps that we would be sharing here for the next four to five weeks.

Moving down to today's point:

Before You Think Relationship, Think God.

Yes! you have to always think God because He is the core of our being and we are nothing without him. However, you need to know that it is  impossible to build a sustainable relationship without God. With this knowledge we can agree that without God there is no strong and successful relationship. 

The truth is that we have to learn how to love and receive love from God before we can successfully love someone else. The scripture mandates us in Mathew 22: 39that “we should love our neighbor as ourselves” and the scripture also states the qualities of love in 1st Corinthians 13: 4-7. When you learn all these qualities of love as was stated in 1st Corinthians 13: 4-7 in your relationship with God, you will be able to pour yourself into loving your partner.

Albeit, you want to have a fun relationship you should always have it in your mind that the standard of your relationship should be nothing less than the expression of God’s glory. If you are able to think of love and relationship in the view of God’s relationship with us you will be a step further to knowing if you are truly ready for a relationship. 

Thinking Purpose

Now that we have talked about building a relationship with God first, Let’s now talk before thinking about entering into a relationship as one of the essentials to carry out. A built relationship with God, will help you be able to build better relationships with your future partner and everyone around you.

At the end of this section, before you think relationship, think purpose.

    No human is a result of excess clay, we are all on the planet earth to fulfill a certain purpose and if the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. You were created by God to be a coworker with him, to do different assignments per time, and to finally fulfil the big purpose. Purpose on the other hand is a compilation of  assignments in different seasons. There is a need to know your purpose on earth before you think of getting into a relationship and trust me, the understanding of this will bring you peace; because you will be able to know who you are suppose to be in a relationship with (not only that), you will be able to positon yourself in order to receive the right set of people into your  life.

I know 'this all unending discussion of  purpose' might sound cliché, it still remains the truth. A knowledge of your purpose will help you to know how  to live your life and the kind of people you should work and walk with in your life. The person you choose to spend the rest of your life with or to go into a relationship with has the power to help you fulfil your life purpose. That person will be there to spur you on and help you achieve more goals over time.

If you are a person that takes personal growth serious, going into a relationship with someone of like mind will ignite more fire between you. The both of you will always have things to talk about, you will have reasons to connect on a deeper level and you will never run out of things to discuss. On the other hand, lets say to a good level you know what assignments you need to be carrying out at a moment in your  life; but you choose to walk with someone who does not even see life in such light (i.e. a slacker) as you do: the effect of that persons' thinking will definitely rub-off and influence your life negatively.

Supposedly, you don't even know what your assignments and purpose is at this time in your life, but you just want to jump into a relationship, that will be an unwise decision because you might just be setting yourself up for a lot of stress. Hence, it is good to think purpose before you think relationship, so  you will be in a good relationship that would add good value to you.

How can you know this purpose of yours?

By knowing God!!!

YES! The knowledge of God will help you know your purpose because God has the manual to your life and he made you. This takes us back to last weeks post, think God and know purpose, then think relationship. You can build your relationship with God by getting to know Him more through the scriptures and always remember to speak to him consistently.

Thinking You

So far, we have been able to talk about two things to think about before thinking relationship: God and Purpose, 

When you think God and think purpose the next thing you should think is You. Remember our gist about You? 

Before you think relationship you need to have a knowledge of who you are, know your personality, your temperament your likes and dislikes, you need to know how you are wired so that in choosing the one for you are able to choose right. In a relationship you need a partner that will compliment you and not compete with you. When you know yourself you will be able to know how to go on a journey of relationship with that person that would complement you instead of compete with you.

One of the ways to have a successful, purposeful and fulfilling relationship is to know yourself. A good knowledge of who you are will help you to recognize your needs and know how to communicate them to your partner. It would save your partner the need to figure you out or crack a puzzle about knowing you. It would rather come easier because you know how you want to be loved (love language) you know your strengths and weaknesses, what you like and dislike and when you properly communicate these things with the person you will be a step ahead of someone who doesn't even understand his or are self let alone be able to communicate their needs.

 It is only true knowledge of yourself that you able to support your partner and your relationship well. So, Think You.

Thinking Your Partner

I know you might be wondering what partners since you probably don’t have one yet and you are just looking to get a good one. You might even have but you just want to know more. You need to have it at the back of your mind that even before you finally get to meet that partner of yours, you must have a foresight of who he or she is. This is not a foresight into the physical features of the person you want i.e Not how tall or short, dark or light the person looks, not even how the person talks. But a deep insight into who the person is or will be. Let’s break this down the only way to truly have an insight into whose person is by building a relationship with God in prayer and meditation.

Note: Not all prayers you say now areally for the things you need now it happens most of the time that you are only speaking into your future.

When we talk about having an insight, it is about praying for that unknown partner of yours. Speaking into his or her being the kind of person you want him or her to be. When you pray to God about how you want the relationship of your future partner to be with Him (God), at the same time you pray about how you want is emotional and financial life to be (in line with God’s will for you), you are not only speaking into the life of that person wherever he or she is, you are also giving yourself a great insight as to what kind of person that  partner is. When you finally see him or her you are truly able to know that you can give relationship a try with the person.

P. S: You might want to ask me; how do I know if what I am praying for is the right thing or person I need in my life. I am happy to tell you that we all have a spec. Yes, you might want to say you don’t but if you were asked there are attributes that a person will possess that will make you not want to enter a relationship with Him or Her, not because you hate the person but because the person will not help you in your life’s journey. I hope you get it now that you have a spec.

On the other hand, thinking your partner also means understanding that as humans of different sexes and genders, we are wired differently. So, before you think of a relationship try to understand that the person you will be in a relationship with is a totally different person from you. 

Even though it has become a saying that all men are scum, you should know that there are still a lot of loyal and supportive men out there. It will only be safe for you to get rid of the way you think about men as a lady so that you won’t ruin a good relationship with your minds conditioning. Same goes for men, if you are found of thinking that all ladies love only men that have money  you will have to reverse that mindset so that you will not lose something good ahead of you.

Understand that different genders are wired differently and so are different individuals. Have the right mindset and pray about the person then I will see you next week when we will move to the last part of our relationship gist. Before you think relationship, think your partner.

6 Things You Can Do on Valentine’s Day to Make Him Love You More

Who said men don’t need to be loved on a day like a valentine’s day? As a lady, you might be wondering if it is possible to make his day memorable this year valentine’s day because he never seems to be surprised. You might also be wondering how to make him love you more, valentine’s day or not. This article is definitely for you and before we move on, I want to ask you, do you know his primary love language? Knowing your man’s primary love language will help you to know how best to spice things up in your relationship. Just in case you don’t know his love language you will be able to catch a glimpse of it here. Below are 6 things you can and should do to make him love you even more this valentine and others.

1. Call Him 

Yes, baby girl, give him a call. We call this Valentine’s day appetizer. That nice voice of yours will be something he should wake up to especially on such a beautiful day. Although it might seem as if nothing surprises Him, He will love the fact that you gave him a call on valentine’s day. You can choose to do this in the morning or sometimes during the day when you know he would need something to ease the tension around him. It could be tension from work, school, or anything he might be doing at that time. Just give him that call telling him that you just called to check up on him and to make sure that he is enjoying

valentine’s day where ever he is then you can add any other sweetener to the conversation. 

2. Send Him a Gift 

There is a wrong assumption that men do not need to be given gifts but that will be a total lie. As much as they can seem like the alpha creation, they remain human and also love to be appreciated. Funny enough, to a man a gift can be a pair of sneakers, a book, nice wear, a wristwatch, or food all you need to do is to know what your partner would like and get it for him.

3. Send Him a Mail

This is going to be one out of the blues act. Instead of an SMS send him a mail. Who expects to get mail from his girl on valentine’s day? Yes, send him a mail telling him how much you want him to enjoy the day. You can tell him anything you want. When you are done sending him the mail, you put it through to him and tell him to check his mail. Then watch the marvel unravel.

4. Pray for Him

What more can take the place of prayers. Speaking greatness into the life of your man on such a day will be one of the best things you can do for him. Men love to know that their partner supports them in all that they do. Valentine’s day will be a great day to speak some declarative prayers into his work, studies, growth, spirituality, and life as a whole. Then you can watch him shower you with more love.

5. Tell Him How Much You Respect Him 

One of the greatest needs of a man is to be respected. Considering the position that God has placed the, he is a leader by ordinance. He is not meant to boss you around but lead you to become a better version of yourself and have the best relationship. Appreciating your man for all that he has done so far, no matter how little is one thing that will make him love you even more. You should tell him how much you respect him and the way he approaches all that he does. As much as you want him to love you more and feel loved, you also need to be honest with him so, you should not lie to him if he hasn’t been doing some things right.

6. Take Him Out on a Date 

Taking him out on a date is one of the things that your man will not expect. You can tell him to meet you up somewhere and from there you can go to the place you planned to take him to. be sure to let him know that all expenses are on you. Let him know that you are ready to pamper him. You can then play games and have fun on your date. This will surprise him totally and make him wonder what a unique lady you are.

The most essential need of the male gender in any relationship is to be respected. Choose to make this year’s valentine’s day one where you man relaxes and enjoy himself. Ry any of the above activities on this year’s valentine’s day and watch him love you more.

10 Things You Can do on valentine’s day to make her fall in love with you again.

In what other way would you celebrate valentine’s day with your partner?

Can Single Christian Guys and Girls Can Be Just Friends

When we are asking “Can single Christian guys and girls really be just friends?”, what we are referring to is the ability to not move past friendship and into romance. We certainly are not asking if it is a sin to have friends of the opposite gender. Clearly the answer to that is, Yes. There’s no command in the Bible that would even hint at not having friends of the opposite sex.

But again, that’s really not the question. The question at hand is really about two single people’s ability to remain friends and not start liking each other as something more than friends. Here again I believe the straight forwards answer is that there’s no biblical evidence to say that single guys and girls do not possess the ability to remain just friends.

Now, with all that said, I do believe the Bible does recognize the special dynamic that is present between singles of the opposite sex. So while I don’t believe the Bible says men and women can’t be friends, I also believe the Bible and real life examples show us that being “close friends” is not something that would usually last nor should it be something that is done in exactly the same way as friendships between the same genders.

So in the two points that follow, my goal is not say that Christian singles should not be friends and they should simply avoid each other unless they want to date. My goal, rather, is to say that we should not pretend that friendships between the opposite sex are as simple as friendships between the same genders. We should be more thoughtful and careful in friendships between singles of the opposite gender because there are variables at play that could lead to confusion, leading someone on, and thus not loving each other well.

To staunchly cling to the lie that there’s no difference between friendships of the same gender and friendships between opposite genders is unloving and naive.

If a Christian Guy and Girl Are Close Friends, Usually They Like Each Other or One of Them Likes the Other

While I do believe men and women can be “just friends,” I also believe that usually this is not the case. What normally happens, especially when a guy and girl become “close friends,” is that they either both secretly like each other or one of them likes the other even though the feelings are not mutual.

Usually both the guy and girl will adamantly say, “No, really, we are just good friends.” In reality they both know what is happening. It’s not impossible for a true friendship to occur with no romantic interest, but it really is unlikely. Most of the time one person does just want a friend while the other person wishes there was more. Because they know they are the only one with the crush, they simply remain friends rather than lose all contact. They just take what they can get. So the two keep getting closer and closer but for two very different reasons. The one person is enjoying the friendship while the other person is thinking that they are nearing closer and closer to a romantic relationship.

We know from real life there is always an extra component between singles of the opposite sex. But this is not only self-evident, it is also recognized in Scripture. For example, Proverbs 30:18-19 it states, “There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a young woman.” Feelings between single men and women are just complicated. You can’t get around this. In C.S. Lewis’ book The Four Loves, he talks a lot about friendship. When it comes to friends of the opposite sex he states:

When the two people who thus discover that they are on the same secret road are of different sexes, the friendship which arises between them will very easily pass – may pass in the first half hour – into erotic love. Indeed, unless they are physically repulsive to each other or unless one or both already loves elsewhere, it is almost certain to do so sooner or later.”

So again, my whole point here is not to say that this extra dynamic between single men and women is bad. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be friends. I’m not even saying you shouldn’t be close friends. I am saying that to love each other well we must admit there is this extra element between men and women that is not present between men and men and women and women.

Because of that, I think it is a good rule of thumb to not be close friends with the opposite sex unless you are romantically interested.

If You Are Not Romantically Interested in Someone, You Should Not Be Close Friends Because They Probably Like You as More Than a Friend

This is really just my opinion. This is not a firm command in the Bible. But the reason I believe this is wise advice is because usually the most loving thing to do is to be cautious that you are not hurting someone for your own selfish desires. If you just want a friend but this person likes you as more than a friend, the loving thing to do is to put up boundaries so you are not leading this person on and using them for your own benefit.

If you are romantically interested and you are not sure if you would want to date this person, then becoming better friends is a good idea. There’s nothing wrong with being close friends if you both are single. However, again, usually singles of the opposite sex cannot remain “just friends” for very long. There’s nothing wrong with moving from friends to a dating couple, but you should just be aware of the special dynamic that will be there between a single guy and girl in friendship.

Even if you wish you could be just friends, you have to accept that God made men and women with the ability to have feelings for one another in ways that go beyond friendship. You wouldn’t have to worry about this with a close friend of the same of the same gender. But if you have a close friend of the opposite gender you must not pretend like there isn’t an extra dynamic at play between you two.

Notice what Paul says to the younger man Timothy in 1 Timothy 5:1-2, “Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.”

It’s interesting to me that only after “younger women” does Paul add on an extra word when instructing young Timothy. He mentions encouraging older men as fathers, younger men as brothers, and older women as mothers. But when it comes to younger women, women who are single and around his age, Paul says he should treat them as sisters “in all purity.”

It seems here that Paul is recognizing the extra care that should take place between Christian singles of the opposite sex where there could be a natural romantic interaction. Timothy’s relationship with older men, younger men, and older women is slightly different than his relationship with younger women because naturally younger women and younger men often create bonds that go beyond the relationships they can have with other types of people.

So, again, what’s my point? I’m not saying you can’t be friends with the opposite sex. I’m not even saying you should not be close friends with the opposite sex. What I am saying is that you should not pretend like there is not an extra variable when it comes to Christian singles of the opposite sex who are in a season of life where romance would be natural. You should do what Paul said and make sure you are treating Christian singles of the opposite sex “in all purity.”

I don’t think Paul was just talking about sexual purity. I think he was saying to be pure in all your interactions with the opposite gender. Don’t lead them on emotionally. Don’t use them to make yourself feel better. Don’t pretend you don’t know they like you when you clearly know they do. Treat them “in all purity.”

10 Things You Can Do on Valentine’s Day to Make Her Fall in Love with You Again.

I won’t dispute the fact that it can be a lot of work to please your lady on valentine’s day. As much as this is true it can also be the same for men. Also, I totally agree that valentine’s day can be a tasking day. In this session of love, one of the problems men face is knowing what to do for their partner to make her happy and enjoy the day. This is even a tougher task for those that would not like to ask their partner what she would want for valentine’s day, they would rather like to surprise her and make her. Today’s article is just for you because not only will you get to know what to do for her on valentine’s day, you will also make her fall in love with you over again.

1. Give Her A Call

It is valentine’s day! what lady will not love to wake up to her man’s voice wishing her a happy valentine’s day? This is one of the things we can call a valentine’s day appetizer, when you are done with this you can send some more goodness her way. Trust me, this is not only about you calling her, it is more about you creating time for her even in whatever busy schedule you have. Watch her stylishly and proudly narrate it to her friends with joy on her face. 

2. Surprise Her

here, I need you to take some time to reflect on the things you have heard your girl talk about over and over again, what is that thing she cannot say enough of, what is that thing you even feel she nags about? That is the specimen to making this year’s valentine’s day a day to remember. This might mean you have to go out of your way, but since you will love to make her fall in love with you again, I think it is worth it, Do it for her! She might have been asking you to spend more time with her, or take her out, whatever it may be, valentine’s day is the best day to surprise her with that thing.

3. Send Her a Message

sending her a message to wake up to is another way to help start such a beautiful day. This will mean more to a lady that rarely gets an SMS from her partner. You can even decide to send the message during the day when you feel like she expects to see such a message least. Try this and see how valentine’s day will be lit with so much joy and love. We can call this another type of appetizer.

4. Pray for Her

if you feel that your lady is a lover of the Lord, you can choose to speak greatness into her being. She might even be surprised by this but she is going to love it. You can choose to do this over a call. You can decide to spice things up and make it a declarative prayer. With this, you get to speak greatness into her life and your relationship. You should try this one out. She is going to fall in love with you not only you spoke greatness into her life but because she probably never saw it coming.

5. Sing for Her

This sounds really funny, especially if as a man you don’t have the Bruno Mars or DJ Khaled kind of voice. You don’t think you have the Dunsin Oyekan type of voice. Here is what you should do, let her know that you would love to make her smile (at this moment she is going to be super curious as to what you are up to) then tell her to sit comfortably in a chair (we don’t want her to break her back while she is laughing), then play the song you want to sing her softly in the background then sing along (this is to help as a guide for your singing). I don’t know if you can feel it already but there is so much joy, laughter, and love in the air already. But if you are that man with the voice of a nightingale, carry on brother sing your way into her heart on valentine’s day and make her fall deeply in love with you just like you just started your relationship.

6. Take Her out on a date

for you, you can decide to call this your main course. Whoosh! I am sure with this you have already given her the best valentine’s day already. Bro, don’t panic. You don’t have to take her to the 5-star restaurant when you cannot afford to go that route. Again, here is what you can do. Tell her to prepare for a little date, take her to that restaurant you can afford. When you are seated, let her know that you are aware that she deserves to be taken out to someplace better than where you took her because she deserves really great things. After all, she is your queen but at the moment, you can’t afford the really big places but when the time comes, she is always on the top of your list. You don’t have to say it this way but you get the point. This way, you are not only making her feel loved, but you are also giving her more assurance that you see her. She will also feel her importance because of your vulnerability to her. One last thing bro, this is not the time to feel like you got everything together, be a little vulnerable with her.

7. Long Distance Relationship? Have a Video Call: who said valentine’s day cannot be super interesting for couples in Long Distance Relationship? If you can send a gift her way, great! You can then top it all up by asking her what time she will be free, then have a nice video call. It doesn’t need to be a very long one but if you both have enough time (which I advise that you create) you should appreciate her and her impact on your life since you started dating. You can even decide to initiate a review of how your relationship has been together since you started.

5 ways to keep a Long-Distance Relationship Alive.

 

8. Help Her with a Task: yes, because it is valentine’s day does not have her regular daily activities. Valentine’s day is one day to help her with a task that she needs help with as long as you are together. If you are in a long-distance relationship and the task is something that does not require your physical presence, you should also create time to do it for her.

9. Buy Her a Gift: yep, this is probably the first thing you were expecting me to say, here we are. buy her that gift. Just like taking her out, you don’t have to break a bank but get her something that you know she will love and be able to hold unto for a while.

10. Tell Her How Much You Love Her: trust me, this is one thing that most men don’t do often. Choose valentine’s day to tell her how much she means to you and how much you love her and don’t make valentine’s day be the only day you will tell her how much you love her. Make this a daily practice - remember the goal is to make her fall in love with you again and again.

Conclusion

Taking a close look at all the tips shared above, you would notice that all of them aim at satisfying the major need of a woman- to feel loved. Yes, every lady loves to feel loved no matter the difference in their love language. We want her to feel loved because that is the only way she can love back. I hope you get to make her fall in love with you again this valentine’s day. Remember to make every day your valentine’s day.

Love is Beautiful.

macy for LDRs (Bo5 reasons why keeping a joint relationship journal is essential for you and your 

The Stages in a Relationship

For many people, love often only revolves around romance, and many other simple looking things but in reality, it doesn't end there. A true love relationship takes time to bloom and it takes two to tango. As wild and unpredictable as love can be it is one of the most reliable forces that drives humans everyday. Recognising which stage you are in your relationship can be very helpful to slow down and analyse any aspect of your relationship- where you are and where you want to be.

To some, a standard relationship has 3 stages, while to others relationship has 5 stages, some even say 6 while some say 8. However, all of them have in common the three (3) major stages which are: The Honeymoon, The Crisis and Blissful Love. The reason why just the 3 stages are not always discussed alone is because inbetween those three (3) major stages, there are other things that happen. 

In this post, we will be discussing 5 stages in a relationship.

Initial Attraction and Chase

This is the first stage of every relationship. In this stage one or both of the individuals find each other very attractive. They begin to notice the shape of their eyes, the begin to notice the way each other walks, the way they talk or smile and lots more. The attracted individual begins to talk about the other person with his or her friends and he or she begins to think more about the other person. This stage also comes with the Chase where probably the guy approches the lady to start a relationship with her. This either followed by a positive answer or negative one depending on if the other person is interested in being in a relationship at that time or with that person.

This stage is filled with fun and flirtatious moments and intentional late night talks.

2. The Honeymoon

This is the stage where all you want to do is to always be with the other person. You feel like you cannot survive a moment without them and you really don't care about each other's fault. All you want to do is be in each other's company and have fun. According to scientist natural chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, phenylethylamine, norepinephrine, are secreted in the brain and all what these chemicals do is to make couples to want to stay together, be sexually connected (not safe), to a level where they start to think about starting a family together. Couples really have to take things slow in this stage because they are not totally in their right mind. Most Hollywood movies show this stage to be the peak of a relationship whereas, it's just the start. The reduction in the hormones being secreted leads to the couple having  doubting thoughts about each other, leading to the next stage. 

3. The Crisis

Reality begins to set in and both partners begin to see each other for who they are. They begin to notice their differences and flaws in this stage. Their differences either tear them apart or bring them closer together. This stage requires a lot of work. Couples either make it or break it depending on how they choose to solve the problems. To be in a safe relationship couples must reach a compromise and choose to communicate effectively. This might include them trying new things together, taking a walk, spending more time together to listen and communicate well so that both individuals can take note of each others needs and try to meet them. 

4. Stability and Commitment

 where both parties already know how to work through their differences without trying to control or change each other instead they try to respect each other's boundaries and make each other feel safe  whether or not they're together. This leads to both partners commiting to each other. At this stage most couples start to think about getting engaged or getting married. They have learnt to get along with each other without getting bossy or yelling at each other. At this stage both partners have learnt to put each other first when they are planning anything. They also choose to listen to each others views about a particular topic even when they know what to do. This makes them feel safe with each other. 

Blissful Love

The best way to keep a relationship is for both individuals to make sure that they keep the relationship till the last stage. This final stage is like the ultimate price or reward of a relationship that one can get. The blissful love stage happens to be not only the last stage but a stage that occurs for life. Here both partners are at the point where people say they have TRUE LOVE. They have experienced life, sadness, joy, pain, hurt and they have been able to work through everything together. In this stage couples not only want to spend their time together but they have allowed their love to flow into other parts of their life where they start a project together volunteer, pick up hobbies to do together. Some couples might choose to help other couples grow using their experience.

Note: These stages do not occur in the same sequence for all couples while for some they have to revisit some stages for better growth and deeper love. The importance of knowing the stages is to help you and your partner know how to stand together as a team having it in mind that you are heading to the last stage.

How to Journey With God In Your Relationship

By wisdom, individuals must learn that courtship is the relationship between believers - a male and a female with the intent of getting married. Wrongship on the other hand is the relationship with an unbeliever.

The best way to begin your journey with God in your relationship is to buy God a Gift. This is to appreciate him for bringing you both together. You can both ask God what He wants. It's simple and He will tell you if you ask.

You should also mark your Relationship. Let there be a token, something notable to mark the beginning of the relationship. I bought my wife back then, a Pink Bible. It was a sign I agreed to give her a Godly experience in the Relationship and  have the Bible as our final authority.

5. Learn Accountability

You must be accountable to someone who should most likely be a mentor you both respect. This is very important as it gives the relationship directions. Relationship is not a secret cult. I feel it's not right to go into a relationship with your pastor not involved. It shows a lack of divine order. We (my wife and I) made up our mind that "if I touch you in this Relationship gbam, we are both free to report to our mentor." Our mentor also once gave my wife an assignment on love, thank God she did it - for 3 years of marriage no fight no arguments.

6. Ask Sincere Questions

You may ask something like "How do you want me to love you?" Jesus himself asked people what they wanted from him. He never assumed and likewise, you should not assume. Asking sincere questions like this will give understanding. I know what my wife wants. Her ear ring may be small. I know her best author. I know she likes some food. I know her best colour. I know she sleeps early. This is called understanding.

6. Understand Fruits of the Spirit

What is your spouse's Dominant Fruit of  the spirit? Abraham's faith, Sarah's meekness or Abigail's peace? You need to find this out. People see love through the dominant fruit of the spirit. For me it's Joy, I just want to be happy. My wife's Peace.

7. Learn the conduct of Royalty

Every kingdom has different conducts. God would have taught these things to every man of purpose. As a man you must be a teacher. You must teach your wife the conduct of your kingdom. Esther was trained before getting married to the king. In some of our churches it might be called foundation school- why we do what we do and how we do it. Adam spoke to Eve about The forbidden fruit. We know it. Submission is submitting to a mission.

8. Joy compass

You need to know what gives your spouse instant joy..you might need to try different name on him/her. Relationship talks makes me happy and my spouse knows the special name that gives me instant joy.

Call your spouse name that touch them deep down. Not just babe..sweetheart.. Honey... God had to change the name of Abram to Abraham. It's allowed in  a covenant Relationship. Also, know that no one must inspire your spouse more than you, nobody on earth.

9. Pray together

If you don't pray together often you will always argue.. You bond with the person you PRAY WITH...PRAY FOR...PRAY TO (GOD).

10. Schedule Fun

If you don't schedule fun, it might not happen, so Schedule Prayer and Schedule Fun.

Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.It will bond your hearts.

Muyiwa Adigun, the popular host of the Muyiwa Adigun Show is a compere, folk musician and an actor. I'm a unique artiste with so many sides but putting my song "Pelumi" into a stage play has given me the platform to give everything I do to my fans on one stage.

 

This article was adapted from the teaching by Mr. Muyiwa Adigun (Director of the popular stage play PELUMI) on the day of the launch of Two Become One- 30th of December, 2018.

 

How to Deal with Matters Arising in a Relationship

A relationship is the coming together of two imperfect individuals and as such, it is impossible to live without any issues. Having this knowledge is one thing, while the ability to deal with these issues when they arise is another. 

 

Anything you know he/she does or believes that you don’t agree with, trash it out. There’s no point trying and struggling if it won’t give you peace and happiness.

Deal with it.

If she has a house and you have none, you’d prefer to rent an apartment or stay under bridge? Whether your answer is a Yes or a No, it is hinged on one the following:

1. Understand Your Social Construct

You have probably seen a lot of things happen in your environment and it has become something that has shaped your ideas about topics like this - maybe a neighbor who used to talk about you not being man enough if your wife is doing something or association with a culture where the woman is not allowed to make contributions socially or even financially.

2. Your background

You might have lived in a family where your dad did everything and your mum did less or nothing at all. You begin to form an ideology from this that you also have to “man up” and see that your wife does nothing. Hence, you be come socially pressured. You want to get everything. You want to do everything. You want to be the Odogwu (😂) and “be a man”. Whereas, she can help you. She can contribute. She can supply some while you do the others. But you have strong head.

3. Bound Your Past Experiences

You have probably had experiences with women who make the whole world know when they do something for you. But trust me, this happens with men too. There are also men who always want to exercise power and show that there’s a man in the room. You hear things like “I’m supposed to be the man of the house” when they’re not even married to you yet. It happens with both genders. If you base your judgement on this, you'd miss it. The fact that your ex was a scum doesn’t mean all wo/men are scum. You just need to have the right agreements and find out about their core values even before things start to get serious. Know their views on certain issues that are controversial. Talk about it and come to an agreement.

Whichever one has been what built your mentality, you have to restructure your mind. How?

You have become ONE flesh and she’s your help meet. If she can’t help you, why should she be there? 

 

A pastor whose father always beat his mother and while he grew with his family, he saw it as normal and had a special cane for his wife to “correct her”.

#backgroundissues

 

Read: 10 Games Every Long Distance Couple Should Play Today

3. Bring Jesus into the Situation

The best illustration to bring into your relationship is that of Jesus and the Church. If I had a house and Jesus had none, would He move into mine? YES! This is because He even chose to use my body as a temple so He could remain there forever and ever. He also gave us the power to use our abilities to do the things He didn’t finish up while he was on earth. You see? So, Jesus won’t prolly stay under bridge or rent a house because He’s... Always use Jesus Christ and the Church and you won’t miss it.

4. Do a mind Restructuring

By doing a mind restructuring, you simply need to evaluate your belief systems and look at what others also think about these things. Think about it and be open to the view of others - compare and contrast. If you think it’s a gender issue, meet other people who are of the same sex and opposite sex and ask questions (I do this a lot). Know what they think and be sure of what you want to believe.

5. Don’t be hard on Yourselves

You honestly don’t need to believe what every other person believes. Just have a mind of your own and do what’s best for you and your partner. You must understand that every relationship writes it’s own story and for no reason should you be the villain and oppressor in your story.

 

Babe and I were evaluating our relationship one time and he talked about how he loves to speak with me very often. I found that “guyyy. We will finish the talk.” and God said “Do we ever finish our talk?” 😂 Oh. So, because we don’t and never do with God, I can’t finish talk with this guy. (If you ever ask what people in relationships talk about everyday— this is it)

wise in spending and understands partnership models especially when it has to do with money. He did this with his disciples for the tax collectors.

You do the school fees, I do the basic bills. You prepare the food, I take the children to school. Partnerships.

Conclusion

If you have had to deal with a matter arising in your relationship, kindly share how you handled it