Book Review: 40 Great Lessons Marriage has taught Me by Pastor Jane Arowolo

The book, 40 Great Lessons Marriage has taught me" by Pastor Jane Arowolo is a resourceful book that helps you to discover the unrealistic expectations which couples bring into marriage, the challenges of young marriages, how to overcome differences, having a smooth relationship with in-laws, how to keep the fire of love burning and many other secrets to marital bliss.

The 78 paged book opens with an introduction with three questions that define the experience of couples in marriage. According to Mama Jane Arowolo, everyone should define marriage based on:

  • Why you are getting married
  • How you look at marriage
  • What you expect from marriage

These questions determine your experience in marriage.

All 40 lessons are arranged into ten chapters, with each chapter treating four lessons. The first chapter talks about sex for newly weds, sex during Pregnancy and the real definition of romance.

No great marriage exists without great sex.  Also sex can be made out of duty and can be made as a result of love. We also learn that if you expect love in your relationship, you have to always give love.

Like sex, money is important for fruitful romance. It is a fantasy to go into marriage without expecting some changes.

That nothing will change when you get married is a lie. That everything will change when you get married is a bigger lie. Learn to change what you can change and accept what you cannot.

Five love languages are important. Know what works for you and your partner.

In-laws are family. You must treat them as such.  If you expect perfection from people, you will get frustrated. Don't go to marriage with a pepper lifestyle or plans to deal with any in-law. Character is ultimate when dealing with in-laws

A man's ego is as fragile as a woman's heart.

A woman is not wired to carry the financial burden of a family. She is a helper and not a sponsor.  If a woman carries financial burden, that becomes a quick way to lose your honour as a man.

Patience will change many things.

Your partner is a work in progress. Don't go into marriage with unrealistic expectations.

Somebody lacks what you have. Stop comparing your relationship or marriage with another's. -2nd Corinthians 10:12

The two golden rules are in Ephesians 5:22-23 and verse 25 respectively. When a marriage fails it is a sign that the rules have been disobeyed.

Reciprocate respect

Family is Royalty. There is a king, a queen,  princes and princesses. Learn humility in royalty.

There is also honour in royalty

Love is hard work. You need almost no effort to  fall in love but you need so much effort to stay  in love.

You must fall in love again and again with each other. You must also evaluate your relationship.

When children start growing, know that they are watching your steps and will likely walk in it.

You must determine to give the best impression and help them become better spouses in future.

A woman is fragile

Communication is the best way to handle conflicts. Don't stop talking.

Be a woman and don't feel cheated. You don't need to compete with your husband  or argue submission. You don't need to bring the law of rights and equality to marriage, thus changing the creator's narrative and manual. When your head is too big as a woman, your crown will not size you.

Also, get a mentor. Proverbs 20:18 talks about good and godly counsel for relationships and marriages

Be a woman and don't feel cheated. You don't need to compete with your husband  or argue submission. You don't need to bring the law of rights and equality to marriage, thus changing the creator's narrative and manual. When your head is too big as a woman, your crown will not size you.

Also, get a mentor. Proverbs 20:18 talks about good and godly counsel for relationships and marriages

Instructions are never convenient but they are always profitable.

Variety is the spice of life as William Cowper's poem,  "The Task (1785)" puts it. Introduce new and exciting practices in your relationship. Get rid of routine and explore

With godly wisdom, bring new wine to the table of your relationship.

A woman is an administrator

There are three seasons in the life of a man. Morning, noon and evening. Treat the wife of your youth with care and love so that you last till evening and enjoy the benefits of building a godly home.

The fear of God in you guides your actions towards your spouse/partner. Unresolved conflicts will not make you enjoy God's presence in your relationship/marriage. God's presence detests strife and contention.

In marriage, God answers every cry for help. Learn the art of prayer. War with prayer! 

The best time to pray is when all is going smooth. A farmer who starts planting while others are harvesting will stay hungry. He will have to wait until those seeds germinate before he can eat.

There is no marriage in heaven. Your marriage can work out fine. Do not look at the failing marriages around you. Just do your part and let God bless your marriage.


The second chapter talks about Romance and finance, Romance and child nursing,  the principle of opposite sides attracting and the love language of spouses. On the other hand, chapter three goes on to talk about dealing with in-law and how life is a farm that obeys the law of sowing and reaping. She also writes about refusing to fight for yourself.

In chapter 4, mama Jane talks about feeding the man's ego and knowing how far to go as regards certain issues.  She also discuses the subject of domestic violence and the best way to teach. Chapter 5 goes on to tell is how a wife is a helper and a sponsor. Here, mama Jane Arowolo says that a woman should not fully take on the financial responsibility of the home. She also talks about how patience is a virtue and that your spouse is a work in progress. She ends this chapter saying that somebody lacks someth]ng you have.

In chapter 6, mama Jane talks about the greatest assignment in marriage. She then proceeds to talk about the two golden rules in the book of Ephesians. After this, she opens our eyes to 5how respect is reciprocal and that wisdom and knowledge are really needed in every marriage.

Chapter seven opens with the concept of royalty. It discusses how the man is a king in the palace and the woman is a queen in the palace. It also talks about how love is hard work and ends with the fact that your children (when they start coming) are always watching you.

In chapter 8 we learn that women are fragile and that men should learn to deal with it. We also. See a different side to handling conflicts and the need for a worthy mentor in your relationship or marriage. It finally discusses how rk be a woman without feeling cheated (shunning the extremist views of feminism)

Chapter 9 talks about variety being the spice of life and the need to avoid a boring relationship at all cost. To do this, you simply need to think. Out of the box and bring up. Exiting things, build. Memories and engage activities to make your relationship or. Marriage beautiful. This chapter then talks about the old. And new. Wine and the need for constant new, fresh Wine in your relationship or marriage. She then proceeds to talk about women being the best administrator in a marriage or relationship and how that there are three seasons in the life of a man (with specific emphasis on the evening of a man's life).

She concluded with chapter ten talking about the need for the fear of God and the presence of God in every relationship or marriage. She also talks about prayer, the greatest weapon in marriage and how that as believers, you. Must live your fullest in your marital life because there is no marriage in heaven...


This book is a true testament to the fact that God is still very interested in building perfect relationships and families. The author,  Pastor Jane Arowolo (popularly called mama Jane) has a mandate to teach what it takes to succeed in marriage.  She is a graduate of Public Administration from Ambrose Alli University  and has been into active ministry for over 18 years. She is a co-pastor at Glorious Dynamos Life Ministry and the Vice President of Success and Life Network.  She anchors "Direction for Singles and Married", "Ladies and Gents Conference", "Just4Ladies", "When Mother's Pray" and "Daughter's of Zion". She is happily married to her best friend, Apostle Wale John Arielle and their union is blessed with three covenant men.