5 Tips on How to Survive a Relationship Breakup

It is so amusing how the term Breakup has been gradually replaced with Breakfast, especially in this part of the world. For the sake of our diverse readers, we will stick to the original term which is Breakup.

Many times when most people experience a breakup, it seems like the end of the world, especially in cases where they truly loved their partner. In most cases, ladies tend to cry while men stay sober and maybe drink so that they don’t feel the hurt, but the truth is that the hurt and pain still come back, bigger and harder. Most of the time, people tend to shut others out of their life and just remain on their own to feel the pain of breaking up.

While some people try to stay sober or drink or shut people out, some other people try to suppress the hurt that they feel and pretend as if nothing happened. One might think that is the best solution, but it is one of the worse things to do- not allowing yourself to feel the hurt of a breakup. Different people with different ways of dealing with their pains and hurt but in this post, I will be giving 5 tips on how to survive a breakup well and good.

Allow Yourself to Feel the Hurt but Not for Long 

It is very normal to think of our past relationship or ex even after your breakup with them and thoughts like this always come back, especially at times you are just on your own or you see the things or go to places where you both have been to. It is not wrong that after your breakup with your partner, you feel pained and sad. The pain will even be harder for someone who already has big plans and loads of expectations for the relationship and from their partner. But like I mentioned above, it is not good to try to push aside the pain and behave as if no shit just happened in your life. In the long run, things might keep getting out of hand. It is good to feel the pain, and cry if you need to. It is good to let out your emotions and not suppress them. As good as it is to let out your emotions, it is best not to allow yourself to spend forever in the past. The relationship is gone, and now in the past, so it is best to let it be, and move on. Hard as this may seem, it is one of the best ways to survive a relationship breakup. Feel the pain but know when to cut it off.

Focus on You

Breakups are so hard that they may want to take everything from you. Break up is ready to strip you of any strength you think you possess but the best thing to do at this time is to make yourself the priority. This is a very good time to not only focus on yourself but also pick up new hobbies, take yourself on a picnic, travel to new places if you can afford it, set new goals for yourself, exercise, take a course, volunteer, just have fun. While having fun and enjoying life the best way you can, make sure that you remind yourself of who you are, and say nice and positive things about yourself. Speaking words of affirmation to yourself, words that tell you how much you are loved will help you pull through the tough moments after a relationship breakup. As much as this is a time to have all the ‘me time’, all the fun, and discover new things about yourself, this isn’t the right time to jump into a new relationship. It is best to give yourself ample time to recover and heal from the breakup and all the insecurities and fear that might have come with it. Most people drag themselves into the same cycle of breakup over and over again because they feel lost and broken as an individual and I feel like having a partner or being in a relationship will heal them. Give your inner man the time to catch up on the fun things that could not be done when you had your ex in your life.

Reach out to Family and Friends

As much as this is the time to focus on you, it is also a good time to bond with your friends and family members, have all the time you can with them, and catch up on things that you couldn’t do while you were in that previous relationship.  During this time, have fun and go out with your friends, attend family functions, and spend time with your parents, siblings, and other extended family members. Help out and be useful. By doing this, you might be making them smile, thereby, making yourself happy too. Also, when you spend time with your friends and family, they help you to get over this period of pain by showing you love and care and letting you know that you are not alone. Bond!

Learn from Your Experience

After a breakup, it is good to let the past dwell in the past, but also better to learn from your past mistakes. Something that you and your ex did or didn’t do might have led to the breakup. It is better to use this to your advantage so that such mistakes will not repeat themselves in your future relationship. You can achieve this through the power of questioning. How to do this is to ask yourself a series of questions that will help you look deep into how you played your role and how your partner played his or her role and where it all went wrong. Sometimes, doing this alone might be hard as it will open up memories of the relationship hence, you should do this with the help of a therapist, coach, or counselor. They will be able to help you better trace the happenings in your life and past relationships and join the dot till you can make sense of it. In this way, you will also be able to heal from the hurt and insecurities that came out of the relationship with you. This will also help you to know how to be a better partner in your new relationship.

Move on 

n the process of trying to get over your breakup, different memories will surely come to mind. It might come from you seeing pictures of the person, you going somewhere that you have been with the person, or just seeing the person pass. Different things can spring up the thought of the person even silence. When these memories flash through your mind, you might be tempted to start stalking them on their social media account or stalking the person physically. You might even find yourself wanting to force yourself on them and this isn’t a good one to do. In other to get over these feelings, it is better to make sure that you constantly remind yourself why that relationship was no more conducive for you both and you must try to wave all the memories of the person when they come up in your mind. Although it is good to be on good terms with your ex, (depending on what caused the breakup) if you think seeing them will make things worse for you, it is better to unfollow them on your social media account and try to get rid of things that might remind you of them pending the time that you are trying to get hold of yourself.

 

Conclusion

Getting over a breakup isn’t a very easy thing to do, but it is a very good thing to do to avoid more of it repeating itself. Pay attention to yourself and your growth at this moment,  make sure that you trace the dots and observe the patterns so that you won’t have to make the same mistake time and time again.

7 Reasons Why Relationships and Marriages Breakup

From a genuine concern for relationships and relationship building, many relationships in recent times (particularly in the course of the COVID-19 Pandemic) have fallen apart. This is more than usual and to be candid, it opened more that they all showed up in this lock-down because of somethings that probably came up.

Break ups happen to anyone and it can be really terrible. So, what really causes break up in relationships and marriages?

The breakups might have been connected or disconnected to the lock down. In whichever way, the lock down played a major role. From a survey and counseling records, many individuals broke up around the time for some reasons which were really strong while some others were issues that could have been resolved. However, the major reasons why these relationships crashed will be discussed in this article, especially with steps to handle these issues subsequently.

1. Lack of Communication

This lockdown took different toll on people especially those doing long distance (like us) and of course, no one could locomote at the time so no visit, data was for online courses, people got broke so no airtime and many more happened. All these things might seem like hindrances to communication but I think we get the definition of communication wrong 70% of the time. Communication is not about just talking to each other, communication is also about how you talk to each other— facial expressions, gifts, talks, what you talk about, accountability, etc. It is very possible that you'd talk everyday and still not communicate. It took me time to learn this because I just thought we were talking but because I took decisions rapidly, I could have built a house without telling my partner even if we talked everyday.

What do you talk about and how do you talk about it?

2. Genotype Incompatibility Issues

While this may come as a shocker for you, it is really what it is. In this video chat with Della, Fadeelat and Boluwatife discussed so much about their genotype and how it has affected their relationship lives among other things. It is quite strange that it is a very necessary factor to consider in many relationships. 

If you have anything “S” in your genotype, please, find an AA. And normalize asking before you go any further.

You may also read Dating God First

3. Lack of Personal Understanding

If you don’t understand yourself, there’s no how you can understand your partner. For a while in our relationship, we couldn’t even hold hands in public and it wasn’t because we felt it was wrong. I just realized that my partner wasn’t used to it and I had to let him take his time before he got used to it. It was his first relationship, while I had more experience than he did. He understood this and communicated this to me. As mentioned above, communication also comes in here. If he didn’t understand his person, he wouldn’t have communicated it to me and I would have seen it to be something else— maybe he didn’t love me or he didn’t want to be found with me.

Read: 5 Relationship Lessons from the Life of Boaz and Ruth

A lot of personal understanding goes into you before you can bring yourself to be with someone else. In our post on how to manage conflicts in your relationship, we discussed issues related to this. If personal understanding is not in place, misunderstanding can come into it and break up with occur.

4. Diversion of Purpose

If you miss this one, such relationship will irretrievably break, except of course you are ready to be involved with someone who is not concerned with life or decides to live life as it comes.. When you discover that your partner is not interested in certain interests that align with God's purpose for your life as a believer or that they are less concerned about building a future for themselves, you have a red flag already and such relationship is heading for the rocks. The best way to identify that your partner is not interested in purpose is that you will see signs that express their desire for your relationship in the present. They are usually not considering a future for the relationship. At this point, you should definitely leave your slippers and run. This is one reason why it’s important to know your purpose first before you get into a relationship. If you don’t know your purpose, you can’t know the purpose of your relationship.
 

5. Family

This can be the most challenging reason for anyone to break up. Once any parent doesn’t agree, it becomes an issue and here, only prayer can solve it and maybe talking to other relatives about it. In times when it’s looking like nothing can change their minds, prayer is the only way. Prayer for change of heart and wisdom to pull through. This one can be exhausting.

God doesn’t just bring two people together without a purpose. There must be a purpose for your relationship. This was one of the first conversations we had when this fine man asked me out. I noticed he was supportive in helping me plan my outreaches while we were but friends but he never followed for an outreach or donated (at least that’s what I thought). Until my friend told me he had been donating all the while with another person’s account I had consistently seen on the record.

Please, don’t be under pressure to jump on any AA you see. The fact that the person is AA doesn’t mean s/he’s the one. There is still a need to pray about it and be sure.

6. Comparison

My relationship is far from what we want which is perfect and if we can work out our salvation, we believe we can work this out too. Never. Compare. Your. Relationship. What works for A doesn’t work for B all the time. If your partner doesn’t do what they do in other relationships, don’t pressurize them. This life is one.
 

7. Rushing in

One bitter truth with jumping into any relationship is the fact that if you rush in, you will rush out. You must always calm down and take time to pray about it. The same way God doesn’t wear flip flop is how he will not wear it and bring you out of the wrong relationship. You do not need to look around you and measure your timeline to someone else’s. I still know some people who are not in any relationship now, that will get married before me. Don’t buy your partner gifts because that’s what works for you. If it’s your language, it might not be their language. There’s a balance and you don’t need to compare.

The statement that kills people fast and leads them to failed relationships and marriages is that "you’re getting old and all your mates are getting married". You need to lose yourself from its effects, take things one step at a time and calm down because your partner would definitely come at the right time.