In any kind of relationship -  with family, friendships, co-workers, etc, the "purpose" and activities that foster these relationships are organic. They are pre-set and you already know how to deal with family, you hang out with your friends and gist in different settings, you also know that you should have a professional relationship with your co-workers while you meet with your church community in church gatherings amongst many other cordial relationships already in place.

With romantic relationships, it is quite different. It can be hard to tell what to do to keep the flow going, and then, maybe a little harder in godly relationships. However, the first thing to note, is that in a Godly relationship, Christ alone is the standard. Everything that is done, engaged in or compared to in the relationship should be filtered through the lens of Christ. If it doesn't hold up, we should not engage in such.
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Activities that we engage in should also always have the purpose of the relationship in mind. If the purpose of your godly relationship is marriage (why shouldn't it be?), let the things you do with your partner build you both up for the journey ahead. It's important. Also, before coming together, the spiritual disciplines that you've individually built should continue - both individually and together. It should increase and you two should seek to build each other up spiritually as you grow.

You may engage in constant prayers and fasting, evangelism, study of God's word, reading godly books and Spirit filled content, living for God, building yourselves up in the fruit and gifts of the Spirit, encouraging each other and much more. These disciplines would help you to be strong in God and help you grow much more in love with God and with each other. These are activities that you want to carry on into your future marriage so it's a good idea to start now, during the relationship.

There are also specific things that God may have told you about your future marriage. Building yourselves up now helps you grow into that stature that God wants for your marriage. The activities in relationships don't only stop at the spirituals. There are also fun things that you can do together that would help you both grow your relationship and, yes, you can incorporate these things into your spiritual activities. I believe that communication is a very key factor in any relationship, especially one with two people who are in it for the long haul. So, having fun activities helps you communicate better with your partner. That way, you get to know them better, their likes and dislikes, and bring out their fun side. We all need to have our fun sides out almost every time really with things like 

▪Planning and going on picnics
▪Reading books or watching movies together and discussing them afterwards.
▪Hanging out with your other family and friends
▪Making memories by in selfies, pictures and videos
▪Activities like the beach, karaoke, painting, cooking together and much: These are fun ways to spend time with your partner and have fun together while getting to know them. It's not just about the activities alone sometimes. Planning for them can also give you a sense of what setting your partner like to be in, how they relate with people when you hang out with friends and family, how they spend money, what views they have on issues of life that you read in books or watch in movies and how they'd handle different situations in their lives, and so on.

You may ask how to do all these and not be carried away by lust even considering that you are not married yet. I tell you that Lust is definitely real and is something that people in Godly relationships struggle with. 

That's one of the reasons why I put the spiritual aspects first, if those are taken care of, lust doesn't automatically go away but there's capacity to control it. Fasting for example, is a way to subdue the flesh so you can focus on the things of the Spirit. 

During activities together, partners should acknowledge that they are attracted to each other but also want to keep the flesh in check. Focus more on Christ and the purpose of your relationship, not on the lust for each other's bodies. Pray before each meeting. Have accountability partners. Know when to withdraw on some tense occasions. Always ask the Holy Spirit for help.

I know a couple who have periodic date days where they go out alone and spend time together since they first got married and didn't have much. It's a tradition they have. Now they have kids and ministries where they can just get lost and lose sight of each other, but they chose to continue to make time for their date days. Another couple I know have made it a tradition in their home to dance every night before going to bed. For them, it's easy to ignore someone when you fight during the day and just go to bed like that without resolving the issue. But it's not easy to remain angry at someone you're dancing with and looking into their eyes. 😍🤭😂 That's something that they've imbibed. There are things that are unique to your relationship. Maybe you met at a specific place or under a specific circumstance. Celebrate those things and each other and surprise your partner with them too. Spend intentional, special moments together, with God, and your partner and watch your relationship blossom into all that God has called it to be. Don't be pressured to conform to whatever people or society think a relationship should look like. Let your foundation be on Christ and whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Col. 3:17

It is well with us, in Jesus name. I'm rooting for our relationships, now and in the future.



(This is a compiled teaching from Agnes Ayooluwa. Agnes is a member of the Two Become One Community. You can join the community be sending us an email here)