How to Deal with Matters Arising in a Relationship
A relationship is the coming together of two imperfect individuals and as such, it is impossible to live without any issues. Having this knowledge is one thing, while the ability to deal with these issues when they arise is another.
Anything you know he/she does or believes that you don’t agree with, trash it out. There’s no point trying and struggling if it won’t give you peace and happiness.
Deal with it.
If she has a house and you have none, you’d prefer to rent an apartment or stay under bridge? Whether your answer is a Yes or a No, it is hinged on one the following:
1. Understand Your Social Construct
You have probably seen a lot of things happen in your environment and it has become something that has shaped your ideas about topics like this - maybe a neighbor who used to talk about you not being man enough if your wife is doing something or association with a culture where the woman is not allowed to make contributions socially or even financially.
2. Your background
You might have lived in a family where your dad did everything and your mum did less or nothing at all. You begin to form an ideology from this that you also have to “man up” and see that your wife does nothing. Hence, you be come socially pressured. You want to get everything. You want to do everything. You want to be the Odogwu (😂) and “be a man”. Whereas, she can help you. She can contribute. She can supply some while you do the others. But you have strong head.
3. Bound Your Past Experiences
You have probably had experiences with women who make the whole world know when they do something for you. But trust me, this happens with men too. There are also men who always want to exercise power and show that there’s a man in the room. You hear things like “I’m supposed to be the man of the house” when they’re not even married to you yet. It happens with both genders. If you base your judgement on this, you'd miss it. The fact that your ex was a scum doesn’t mean all wo/men are scum. You just need to have the right agreements and find out about their core values even before things start to get serious. Know their views on certain issues that are controversial. Talk about it and come to an agreement.
Whichever one has been what built your mentality, you have to restructure your mind. How?
You have become ONE flesh and she’s your help meet. If she can’t help you, why should she be there?
A pastor whose father always beat his mother and while he grew with his family, he saw it as normal and had a special cane for his wife to “correct her”.
#backgroundissues
3. Bring Jesus into the Situation
The best illustration to bring into your relationship is that of Jesus and the Church. If I had a house and Jesus had none, would He move into mine? YES! This is because He even chose to use my body as a temple so He could remain there forever and ever. He also gave us the power to use our abilities to do the things He didn’t finish up while he was on earth. You see? So, Jesus won’t prolly stay under bridge or rent a house because He’s... Always use Jesus Christ and the Church and you won’t miss it.
4. Do a mind Restructuring
By doing a mind restructuring, you simply need to evaluate your belief systems and look at what others also think about these things. Think about it and be open to the view of others - compare and contrast. If you think it’s a gender issue, meet other people who are of the same sex and opposite sex and ask questions (I do this a lot). Know what they think and be sure of what you want to believe.
5. Don’t be hard on Yourselves
You honestly don’t need to believe what every other person believes. Just have a mind of your own and do what’s best for you and your partner. You must understand that every relationship writes it’s own story and for no reason should you be the villain and oppressor in your story.
Babe and I were evaluating our relationship one time and he talked about how he loves to speak with me very often. I found that “guyyy. We will finish the talk.” and God said “Do we ever finish our talk?” 😂 Oh. So, because we don’t and never do with God, I can’t finish talk with this guy. (If you ever ask what people in relationships talk about everyday— this is it)
wise in spending and understands partnership models especially when it has to do with money. He did this with his disciples for the tax collectors.
You do the school fees, I do the basic bills. You prepare the food, I take the children to school. Partnerships.
Conclusion
If you have had to deal with a matter arising in your relationship, kindly share how you handled it
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