A breakup is simply the failure of a relationship. On the surface, breakups are initiated by either parties in the relationship.
Effects of Breakup?
Depression Sadness
- Emotional Damage: This is a situation where one experiences terrifying memory flashes, nightmares, or flashbacks about a relationship that did not work. It could also cause the affected person to absolutely abstain from and avoid the things that could remind them of that trauma. Also, it could lead to emotional numbness and disconnect from others or even going into another relationship. This is why some individuals suddenly start taking alcohol or drugs in other to feel better or overcome the trauma.
- Depression: This is a group of conditions associated with the elevation or lowering of a person's mood, such as depression or bipolar disorder.
- Sadness: Feeling down or unhappy in response to grief, discouragement or disappointment; if ongoing, may indicate depression.
- Mental Disorder: A wide range of conditions that affect mood, thinking and behaviour. A mental health disorder characterised by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life. A mental health disorder characterised by feelings of worry, anxiety or fear that are strong enough to interfere with one's daily activities. the heart is a metaphor for the intense emotional stress or pain one feels at experiencing great and deep longing. Explicitly it is unexpected sad news from one of the partners that the relationship seems not to interest anymore. And the intention of every break up is to always bring the relationship to an end as the name implies.
Now since the relationship that was initially sweet, has crashed, what next, should I stay single for the rest of my life? Should I because I was hurt not go into another relationship?
Is looking for a replacement the next thing? All these are what I will be digging deep in this evening seminar being the aim of the theme after my break up.
How then can you get over a breakup?
Three things needed after a break up are:
1. Discover your weaknesses
No one on earth is too perfect not to have his or her lapses. That's why
we are human beings and not God. Every one of us has our weakness no
matter how little it is. But we keep working on it to gain strength.
I will like to tell us a few of male and female weakness and both gender weaknesses too in this seminar
MALE WEAKNESSES
1) Too much ego
2) Being bossy
3) Misinterpretation of women emotional expression as emotional blackmail.
4) Lack of patience
FEMALE WEAKNESSES
1) Lack of understanding
2) Self-centeredness
3) Greed
4) Lack of endurance
5) Ladies are too dependant
6) Lack of appreciation
2. Emotional healing.
3. Maturity work out
Being bossy: Pride and lack of consideration is the main cause of this. A bossy man would always impose all his opinions on his woman. This act of being too bossy makes your woman looks like a slave to the relationship. It is normal and a good thing for a man to lead but not to command. So if you want to be a good man erase every mentality of commanding your wife. By so doing you have subjected her to slavery and not a relationship. So lead your relationship and let your woman follow the lead. And someone would ask me that but a leader is meant to command yes but a good leader only gives order and does not force it.
MISINTERPRETATION OF WOMEN EXPRESSION AS EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL: Most men end up taking women painful expression especially the cry of a woman as deceit. Women naturally are weak and easily get pained when being hurt. That is when you see the emotional ones among women crying while being hurt by anyone.
LACK OF PATIENCE: Most men are the victim of this. The word patience simply means The content to wait if necessary; not losing one's temper while waiting; not bothered with having to wait; not unwilling to wait. This is so much applicable to when most guys are trying to ask a lady's hand in the relationship. From my own experience most time whenever guys ask me out, I discovered they always like fast response which has a lot of danger in it. Most guys stop to talk to ladies the moment the lady says let's be a friend first. I recommend one of my seminars to people of that category: RECOMMENDED PREREQUISITE FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE. Unless if the intended relationship is based on just a fling.FEMALE WEAKNESSES
LACK OF UNDERSTANDING: Most ladies have a shallow understanding of life, how to spice up their relationship, even lack the understanding of their man, which has killed the vibes in most relationship today.
One of the lack of understanding some still lack is to assume that the only and best way to spice up a relationship is with sex and romance. Understanding how to relate and interact with your man is one of the things that keeps your relationship alive and not dead or a dormant one.
Some ladies also lack to understand that men cannot always be financially buoyant. Some ladies even go to the length of comparing her relationship with her life cycle to her friend's own due to the lack of understanding.
Some ladies do not know when their man is happy and unhappy. Some refuse to understand and know when to talk and keep quite. Some don't understand when to ask questions and when to give responses.
How can one win a lady's heart?
1) Be her best friend
2) Know what makes her happy, do it for her
3) Know what makes her angry always try to avoid it
4) Ask her on a neutral ground does she like your type of person.
5) Find out her taste, are you her taste?
6) Does she like your personality?
Most ladies heart is soft and can easily be gotten through care, consistency and shower of gifts but not all. Many fall for all these strategies but few would not fall for it especially if such ladies know what they want.
Note that; It is not every lady's heart a man can win. Some lady's heart is broken, some are accessible, some are fragile, while some are rigid. And each heart with a different strategic measure to win it.
Mr Segun said I broke up with my girlfriend because she lies a lot to me. What can I do to make such a relationship work again he asked? A liar is a liar. A liar would always use thousands of lies to cover a lie so obviously, you cannot change a liar. Only if you can put her matter in prayer. Note that any relationship that the foundation is built on a lie, such a relationship is liable to failure. That is; it is the same lie that would collapse, or destroy such a relationship. There is one of my quotes that says; Lie is not durable, but can only sustain the truth for a while. The only truth is constant, real, and straight.
I was in a seminar on a faithful day a young guy asked me that; Why would a relationship that was so vibrant with love and cosy feelings suddenly become very boring and dry?
What are some of the factors responsible for it?
The start of a relationship with what you both cannot finish. Most especially starting your relationship journey with a life of impression and deceit. Promising what you cannot afford. The danger in it is that that kind of person you claimed to be might be the kind of person he/she wanted or looking for. The moment whereby there is a sudden change, he/she finds no more in you, the person was attracted to. From that moment of change, the chain of love and affection would break gradually. And the love starts to deteriorate and depreciate.
Another gentleman asked another question that does negative influence, brainstorming, and brainwashing ideas, has anything to do with understanding and patient in a relationship?
Yes, it does sir. Negative influence is not ss, the negative influence is not good for a relationship. For a matured relationship you both should be inclined and influence each other positively, and not otherwise.
Then for brainstorming requires a lot of patience to achieve something good in a relationship.
Welcoming each other's suggestion and the idea is also part of understanding. You don't have to look down on each other. An adage says; two heads are better than one. So you both are meant to rub minds together, to think together so you can both achieve a common goal together.
Then brainwashing each other's ideas is a way to control, persuade each other by thought control, thought reform, or away you both could always educate each other. This is where the enablement of flexibility comes in. In one of my quotes, I said; A rigid mind is hardened up like concrete, it does not accept other people's opinion. If either of the partners lacks patience it would always be hard to learn from each other.
SELF CENTEREDNESS: Most ladies are always wanting to be at the receiving ends, is as a result of self-centeredness.
Not putting your man in your shoe, in your plans, hanging all your burdens on him like Jesus Christ is an act of self-centeredness. An English definition of self-centeredness says: The quality of being selfish, the condition of putting one's interests before those of others
GREED: A selfish or excessive desire for more than is needed or deserved, especially of money, wealth, food, or other possessions from your man. As women deserve the best, so as men also deserve the best. A man deserves to be treated like King, so a woman deserves to be treated like a Queen. Treating, loving and caring for each other is never meant to be sentimental.
The third question in that same seminar was that; With the presence of sentiments and maladjustment could result in selfishness in a relationship. Can such a relationship be fruitful?
No maladjustment means a poor adjustment or faulty adjustment. And for every fruitful relationship, compromise and adjustment from one's policy to make things right are always needed. So when there is no compromise in a relationship, such relationship growth might end up being stagnant. The lack of adjustment instigates subsequent quarrel or misunderstanding.
LACK OF ENDURANCE: Most ladies don't want to work through hard times with men. Most want an already made man without considering his source of money if pure or shady. The lack of endurance is what would make a lady abandon his fiancee for a ritualist that showers her with presents like; expensive wears, Iphones, I watch and the likes. The lack of endurance would distract and detach her from the real man of focus and ambition. And covetousness would attract and attach her to a fake and desperate man, that has nothing good to offer her but to steal away a virtue.
A woman that is not patient to start, and build a future together with a man, does not deserve to be with a successful man. No sweat, no sweet. No man is entitled to reap from where he did not sow.
Hard times is the best period to test the endurance ability of a man or woman.
LADIES ARE TOO DEPENDANT: Very disappointing most ladies have turned guys to their ATM. They now put all their life responsibilities on the guy. It is not good for a lady to always depend on a guy.
LACK OF APPRECIATION: Some girls are never appreciating but always complaining. Those set of ladies find it so difficult to appreciate their man on what he has done for them. Instead, they give a complaint on what their man has not done for them. It is very bad and discouraging.
Another question came up that; How many days or months or years are you now saying a guy should wait for a lady's response? Well, there is no magic to any successful relationship aside from great patience. Be patient to be her friend. Long-term friendship is good before you proceed into any relationship. Trust me you have nothing to lose if you are friends for a long time first.
EMOTIONAL HEALING
Some people have been hurt and damaged emotionally. Human beings emotions can be hurt in diverse ways, they are; Disloyalty, violence, attentiveness e.t.c. the aforementioned are just a few of the ways human emotions can be messed with.
DISLOYALTY:
Disloyalty in terms of not being supportive, not being sincere, also not being honest in a particular relationship.
In many relationships we found ourselves, and we are being denied loyalty by our partners.
Some of our partners, we caught them cheating, which led to great disappointment in our heart. And as to this, such woman's heart turns our being poisoned that all men are womanizers.
VIOLENCE
Physical violence
Sexual Violence
One of the bad experience one had, is to be brutal physically. It is not only in marriage men beat women, physical violence also happens in a relationship. Most women have been adapted to hot slaps, since their relationship stage.
Some women also fall to the category that they are always been abused sexually. Some men even drug themselves before having sex with women.
All these acts cause pains to the emotion.
INATTENTIVENESS
People that their primary love language happens to be quality time needs more attention in the relationship. If such a person is being denied attention in such a relationship, it always results to be an unhealthy relationship.
By giving attention, you also care and create quality time for your relationship.
Using my kind, as an illustration, my primary love language is quality time. I cherish care and attention so much. The moment, I am being starved of attention, I automatically believe, I'm not being loved or wanted again. As to this, I get tired of such a relationship.
Haven't mentioned diverse ways people can be damaged emotionally, I would talk more about emotional healing now.
WHAT NEXT AFTER BREAK UP❓
Most people way of healing emotion is to go into another relationship after their heart is being broken in their previous relationship. The greatest of the wrong step most people take after break up is substitution.
Substitution by going into another relationship with the motive of the new lover, replacing the former lover, due to the relationship that didn't work.
Emotional healing is very important before one goes into another relationship.
One of the dangers in going into another relationship without being emotional healed is that; We act upon our past and use it to hurt the innocent. This also can cause a lack of trust.
REASONS WHY SOME RUSH INTO RELATIONSHIP AFTER BREAK UP
1) I cannot stay alone
2) Because my friends are in a relationship
3) I don't want my ex-lover to know I am still single.
