6 Ways to Ruin Your Relationship

Couples indulge (consciously or unconsciously) in various acts that gradually reduce the fun and ‘in love’ feeling that they felt at the start of their relationship, making them think they are not loved by their partners which eventually leads to total ruin of their relationship.

It is only rational to say that the joy or ill-being of any relationship is determined by both partners; at the same time not everyone is ready or willing to take responsibility for their actions when things go wrong, rather they say things like ‘she started it first, ‘if you had followed what I said, it wouldn’t have ended this way’… forgetting that in relationships, ‘‘it takes two to tango’’, and the fall of one is the fall the other.

In this article, I will be working you through 6 acts that kill relationships and their effects on relationships.

 

1. Jealousy

Jealousy, according to The Merriam-Webster Dictionary, is ‘an unhappy or angry feeling caused by the belief that someone you love (such as your husband or wife) likes or is liked by someone else’. Jealousy can give a positive result when engaged in rightly, but most often than not, the result is always negative. Jealousy births the following negatives:

• Lack of trust

• Insecurity (A strong feeling or need to know the whereabouts of one’s partner, what they are doing, and who they are with.)

• Feeling of reject

• A strong feeling of resent

 

2. Cheating

As much as jealousy can breed resentment between couples in a relationship, cheating can do worse. Breaking the promise made to your partner by sharing the love and attention meant for them with someone else thereby making your relationship a love triangle can hurt more than a bee sting; leaving your partner with a great hurt on the inside-creating room for lack of trust, hatred, sadness, a feeling of regret and anger. 

3. Argument: In any relationship, arguments are inevitable because we all have our differences and are entitled to our opinions. In light of this, when couples argue, it should be constructive rather than destructive to help them understand each other better. But when couples turn their arguments into a war field where words are their preferred weapons, the foundation of the beginning of an end to their ‘once cherished relationship’ may be laid.

 

4. No Sex: (For Married Couples Only) Before saying a thing about this, I must say that you have to know your partner before anything because there is no one-size-fits-all decision about this. To some, sex does not matter so much; For some reasons, some are abstaining from it, it’s an occasional thing for some, while on the other hand, it’s daily bread for some. If you happen to have a partner who loves to have sex, you will be causing a lot of havoc by not giving in to sex, you will also make your partner;

• Have low self-esteem

• Feel rejected 

• Feel insecure

• Become angry

• Unable to bond with you

 

5.  Ineffective Communication

No relationship can thrive or make it without communication, I mean very effective communication. You cannot know a person just by looking at the person and smiling at the person, you have to talk to the person and if you have decided to take things to another level with someone, that means you need to know more about the person. When couples don’t speak their minds, their problems grow gradually and compound till they cannot take it anymore and by that time everything is bad; some couples, instead of talking things out, will worsen their problem by keeping calm and not talking about it. Communication on its own is powerful enough to cause everything we have discussed above, lack of communication is the root of relationship failure – ‘’a problem shared is a problem half-solved’’.

 

6. Poverty

Developing a positive relationship with your partner, children, and even your family, in general, can be a handful and a challenge when you are of low socioeconomic status. Being in a relationship requires a lot of commitments (financial inclusive) which will make your partner happy and feel loved especially if your partner loves to receive gifts (Receiving Gifts being one of the Five Love Languages)- Most of the time, this responsibility falls more on the male gender. Not all couples can thrive in a relationship where they cannot afford to eat good meals together, go on romantic dates once in a while and take time to go on vacations to places they love; thus, inability to financially provide for each other due to financial constraints might give way to a feeling of contempt and fear, anger, sadness, and dislike. It can cause partners to cheat and do things that will hurt each other.

All 6 acts discussed above have their effects on relationships. But to avoid dealing with problems caused by any of these acts, couples should master the art of communication- they should talk about the tiniest things, learn new things about each other daily, and try as much as possible to see things from each other’s point of view. Remember ‘’it takes two to tango’’.

5 Relationship Lessons from the Life of Boaz and Ruth

Today, we would be looking at and sharing our lessons from the story of Boaz and Ruth and we would be studying/ discussing Ruth 2: 1-13 and Ruth 4:1-17.

The story of Ruth and her Mother-in-law, Naomi is quite popular. The story talks about a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law who stayed and lived together after their husbands died. Ruth had refusef to go back to her house but to stay with her mother-in-law till death, a commitment to not just her husband but to his family (till death).

When we look at the life of Ruth and Boaz separately and how they were groomed before coming together to become one, we get to learn the following about Ruth:

1. Ruth never gave up: This is shown throughout the scriptures from her desire to stay with her mother in law to her desire to search for food for both her mother in law and herself in order to prevent hunger.

 

Couple | Image- www.ifegrace.com

2. Ruth was hardworking: Ruth could have sat down, crossed her legs and complained about how God wasn't fair or about how poor widows were. But she didn't. She told her mother inlaw she was going to find food and she did. And when she did, she kept at it, working hard and only taking a break when needed. The question here is what has God placed in your hands? What do you have that you are doing? Are you doing it with all your might or nonchalantly yet, you feel your prayers are not being answered? Think about it.

3. Ruth was obedient: she was obedient to God, obedient to her mother in law. She did whatever she asked her to do. In fact she adores her mother in law. With all her might. Think about it: are you ready to be obedient to your mother in law? Are you ready to allow her to guide you and correct you when you make mistakes? Are you ready to respect her like you would respect your mother ?

4. Ruth spoke words laced with grace and respect: she spoke respectfully to her mother in law and even to Boaz. When he asked her to glean as much as she can, she thanked him, she appreciated him. And she prayed for him (a stranger). What kind of words come out of your mouth? Are they words seasoned with grace and laced with respect?

5. Ruth made herself available: In chapter 3, we see where Naomi gave Ruth tips on how to get Boaz to marry her (after she discovered he was a relative liable for marriage to Ruth). Naomi asked her to have her bath, use perfume and dress in her best clothes. Sometimes, we're trusting God for relationships and we are looking hoping and praying and believing. But the truth is packaging also matters when it comes to relationships. We all need to learn to dress well not just on the outside but also on the inside so that whenever the right person comes along, he or she wouldn't be chased away based on how we look/talk. And for those who are in relationships, dressing, seasoned words play an important role in our relationships.

For Boaz, here are some of the lessons we can learn.

1. Boaz was hardworking

Boaz as a single was hard working. If he didn't have that field Ruth had the opportunity to work on, maybe he would never have met her. Guys, you're hoping for a particular kind of woman but what kind of man are you? Boaz was able to provide for Ruth (even before marriage) we all can't keep lazying around and expect the best relationships. What do you have in your hands? What are your gifts and talents and abilities? Are you using them? Or you're waiting for one big opportunity to come. Boaz started from somewhere. He was a farmer. It was hard work and persistence that helped him get so much in order to own a field.

2. Boaz was observant

He noticed Ruth. He saw what was good and he made inquiries about it. "Who is that woman?" He asked his servant. And for Ruth too, she stood out. That's why Boaz was able to notice her. Have you discovered anything that makes you stand out from the crowd? Everyone is unique in one way or the other and most times it's what makes you stand out that gets you noticed. As we hope and pray and believe for great relationships, there is the need to be observant and at alert so as not to miss what God has for us.

3. Boaz had values and he understood traditions 

Boaz knew what he stood for and he stood by it. He didn't take advantage of Ruth when she came to lie at his feet. Instead, he did as expected and followed traditions and ensured Ruth received what was due to her. It says a whole lot about Boaz and what he stands for. Do people know you for what you stand for?

Remember if you stand for nothing, you would fall for anything. He also respected traditions and he followed procedure. For most things in life, there is always a procedure. We shouldn't neglect the process in haste to get results. The patient dog eats the fattest bone. Never forget that.

Ruth was said to love her mother in law. It was so obvious the people of the town made comment about her being worth more than seven sons.

For singles, determine to love your mother in laws. If you go into marriage with the mindset that mother in laws are devils, you would most likely have problems with your mother in law. Also, delay is never denial. In chapter 1, Ruth was married to Mahlon for 10 years. She didn't conceive, she didn't have children. She might have received insults and looked at one way or the other but when it was time, the Bible says God blessed her (provision) and she conceived which was not long after she and Boaz got married. Therefore, let us not forget that God always has plans and whether today looks great or not, we can trust Him about tomorrow cos we are assured He has our best interest at heart.

5 Tips to Help You Build a Better Relationship

Before I get right into what we are to discuss I would like to say that making change happen in your life and your relationship is dependent on a lot of factors but the most important factor is your willingness and hunger for the change you desire. If you are craving a better life and relationship this year, it is not enough for you to listen to relationship coaches, read books on relationships and pray, your willingness and hunger to have this change  should also push you to put into action all the things you learn. Taking action matters a lot. So without further ado let's get right into to this discussion.

 I can tell that you know a good number of single people all around who want to start a relationship so badly but every time they think about it they shrug and push it over because of the fear of being with the wrong person or the fear of messing up.

At the same time I know you have seen and heard a lot of people in relationships that it is as bad as hell, every day seems like war for the couples, they always have something to fight about. The relationship is a good example of what we can call tug of war.

I am also sure that you know some couples who seem to have your heart, they seem to have the complete relationship goals they are doing just fine, and you dream to have a relationship like theirs.

The difference between the first two categories of people and the last category is their ability to see and do things differently. You might even be in one of these categories but for whichever one  you belong to, what makes a difference between you and the people in the other categories is the way you see and do things.

In this community we help to build Godly relationships and not just that, we help you to enjoy the happiness that comes from loving someone even when it seems like it is impossible. This year we want you and as many of us to have great relationships and for this I will be sharing some tips and ways in which you would date differently this year such that you will experience nothing but success, joy and bliss in your relationship.

The first thing you need to pay attention to is your personal habits. Have you ever wondered why you only have some certain kind of people? Your habits speak a lot for you and attract to you the right or wrong person. If you are in the habit of making use of vulgar or foul language I can bet it with you that most of those that will be attracted to you will be people of that nature. The truth is that no one looking to get into a good serious and Godly relationship will want to be with someone with a loose tongue. This is just one in a million habits that can repel the right people away from you and attract the wrong ones to you there by leaving you in a relationship with the wrong person and ruining your peace of mind. Think about those habits and work hard on getting better but do not pretend to be who you are not. Rather focus on being a better person.

Another thing that could cause you to have a bad relationship is your attitude towards relationship itself the truth is that a relationship is like an investment, you make sure to consistently put in the right energy in appropriate proportion and then you can watch it bloom but if you are someone who sees being in a relationship as stress then I can tell you that it will be stressful for you because you seem not to be ready for the commitment it requires. If for you being in a relationship is avenue to be lazy and make money by always demanding from your partner then, I can tell you that any relationship you get into will definitely not go well because you will end up putting so much pressure on your partner that they give up when they cannot take it anymore. And if you think being in a relationship is nothing stressful you just want to get into a relationship and be treated like a baby and pampered all the time, I am glad to tell you that you are only preparing yourself for hurt and heartbreak because nothing good comes easy or without work.

The right attitude to have in order to have a great relationship is to be ready for commitment. It requires you to be ready to give as much as you want to be given and be ready to learn with an open mind. If you have the right attitude towards relationships then you will definitely have a good relationship.

The third thing on this table is your relationship with God. This is the most important of them all. You definitely didn't create yourself, you were created by God and only He has the roadmap and manual to having not just a great relationship but a great life too. If you seem to be making the wrong choices when it comes to choosing who to be in a relationship with in the past years, I would like to tell you to look well into your relationship with God. If you are in a good relationship with God, He gives you a foresight into life and helps you to know who and who not to be with. I strongly  believe that when you are told to pray to God and get a confirmation before getting into a relationship with a particular person, God will not step down from his throne in heaven to tell you that he or she is the one for you but one thing that is very sure is that if you have a strong relationship with God, He will open your eyes, mind and ears to see, hear and take note of things about that person that you would not notice on a normal day and those things will be pointers to let you know if you are to get into a relationship with that person. So, a strong relationship with God is very vital to having a good and blissfull relationship with men.

 Your awareness of purpose. You might want to ask if this really has anything to do with being able to have a good relationship or make a good relationship better. It happens that as much as we have a lot of books and people addressing the issue of living a purposeful life we still have a lot of people who are ignorant of their purpose in life. It is very essential that you are aware of the reason(s) you were created on this earth so that you would know who to go on the journey with. Your knowledge of purpose will help you to recognize the partner that will drag you down or raise you up. For you to have a successful relationship you need to know your purpose so that you will not be running someone else's race.

If you are someone like me who finds talking a thing of ease and you are aware that you are supposed to use your voice to help people in whatever industry or sector you find yourself, you will not feel fulfilled if you get in a relationship with someone who thinks you talk too much or someone who thinks you put yourself out too much and draw unnecessary attention to yourself. You need to go on the journey of life and purpose with someone who sees not just the best in you or what you do but someone who sees the best in the person you have been made to be. So, before you get into that relationship take some time to know yourself, seek to know your purpose on earth because you are not a result of excess clay. You have been created for a particular purpose.

The last point I will be discussing with you on how to make sure that your relationship life becomes healthier and better this year and always, is taking note of the happenings in your past. History happens over and over again and this is one of the reasons why we can say that there is nothing new under the sun. There is a need to always take note of things that have happened in your previous relationships that did not make the relationship work out and avoid those things while choosing to be with someone else. When you are able to recognise these things you would be able to work on them, especially of they are things that your ex or friends have complained about. They might be insecurities or lack of trust or some attitudes that you are not so aware of, you should not close your ears to them; you should instead work on yourself because that might be the reason why you seem to have issues in your relationships. In case there are things that you noticed in your ex then try to take note of them and not just jump into a relationship with any available person.

If for you the people you have been in relationships with are perfectionist they want you to be what you are not without waiting for you to at least adjust well and try to fit into the situation you might want to look at dating someone who takes progress over perfection in that way you'll be able to take your time to grow and adjust into any situation without being choked up.

All in all, self-knowledge is very important, you need to know yourself and be able to tell how you can manage in a good number of situations before you bring a whole human into your space. If you are able to take note of these 5 tips and follow them intentionally, I am sure that you will have a great relationship.

Book Review: Prayer Deposits by Allison Hyacintho

You must be familiar with the: Jesus started with prayer and ended with prayer... Prayer is the Master key. For some partners, their parents had started praying for their relationships before we knew anything about the subject.  So, most times we ask, do we still need to pray? 

 

In this book, we learn that Parents prayers serve as transfers into the relationship account, ours will be the Real Deposits. The prayer is to be deposited into a Godly Relationship, but we need to Clarify what makes a relationship Godly.

Attending vigils, Bible study classes, anointing and communion services together with your partner doesn't make it godly neither does introducing your partner to your pastor. Since God is at the centre of your individual lives then He will definitely be at the center of your relationship. The book also explains tha the presence of God at the centre of your relationship is what makes it a godly one.

If God is not the first part of your life as a person, you will end up becoming some boring God chaser who is struggling to create an image of God in your relationship. Also, the closer you draw towards God on your own, the more exciting it will be drawing towards God with your partner. It will be a combination of each partner's personal spiritual growth to making tje relationship work.

Another point to note is that Prayers cannot be boring. There is so much to and gist to God about in ptayers. God is always ready to listen too. Prayer is a commubication and it will be boring if you only do the talking without letting God respond. Unfortunately, this is how many individuals today make their prayers. So the question again - Why do we need to inculcate prayer into our relationship?

Prayer is necessary because when we know 'why' we pray then 'how' to pray will be easy for us. You may ask why we should pray when we can go an a treat, but then Allison Hyacintho describes in his book that prayer should be a personal lifestyle.

Prayer helps you to understand and unlock mysteries, thus shaping individual and collective growth as well as foster a deeper fellowship with God. It helps the believer to get drunk with communication to God. This is because you can not claim to love someone you don't talk to. So it's not just a "command", it is a fuel for the fire of love

 

In prayer, you also seek communion and Fellowship. It helps the believer to seek approval from God, enhance Communication and build more connection spiritually. By this, there is help to avoid sexual sin as it instills the fear of God to keep the fire of love burning in both hearts. Prayer also helps to make both partners subject to God, settle quarrels easily and  remain faithful to God and themselves. It is to learn what loving the father means as well and take the lessons. As such, Our prayer deposit should not be regarded as an herculean task. 

 

One certain way to make the prayer deposits we hope to send to the Author of Romance, romantic is by Praying as you Talk. As prayer means talking to God, so the tip is TALK TO GOD AS YOU TALK. Any conversation which acknowledges the sweet presence of God is prayer.” The point is not to turn Domino's to revival ground when you pay a visit to celebrate Valentine. The best part about acknowledging God’s presence in your conversations is that it guides your consciousness. I mean, every word proceeding out of your mouth after that prayer will be words seasoned with love, faith, and positivity. You two will become conscious of your words towards that challenge, because of the faith that orders your words. This is so amazing, the way you start speaking about that challenge with power and authority. Decisions become easier to take in faith that everything is now possible because God is now part of it. Your perspectives begin to align, fear disappears, that is the mental level  of acknowledging God takes you.

Here are some prayer patterns that can help you make prayer a part of your everyday conversation.

You can stop in the middle of a conversation with your partner and suggest “let us pray about this for a minute baby.” For instance, when you are in the middle of an important discussion that requires making a decision or maybe you are talking about a challenge that looks like you are going to need God’s help, invite Him into your conversation by simply acknowledging His presence. Say  “Lord, we know you are here listening, we recognize your presence as we ask for your help with this situation. Amen.” then go back to what you were discussing. It's that simple, you just prayed a powerful prayer .

If you two are going through a heated argument or a fight, pause in the middle of trying to win the fight and say: “you know what baby, God will not be happy with us doing this. Let us just pause here and invite Him to calm our hearts and emotions."Then pray.

 

Learn how to pray for your calendar and schedules. You don’t need to have vigils before you can speak a word of prayer as your partner is sharing their plans and projects with you. You also need to use positive confessions in your words. They are prayers too. Confess that you are a winner, you are a success, and that the interview will favour you. Confess that the project is already a finished testimony. Speak positive words into each other’s plans as you talk.

Lastly, you don't have to wait for a convenient time to communicate with God because He doesn’t need a convenient time to listen. Talk to God and your partner about it in joint prayers.

Major lessons from the review.

• A Godly Relationship begins with you. 
• Prayers can be as simple as our normal conversations. 
• Pray as much as you talk. 
• You can talk to God anytime because He doesn't have a schedule.
  

 

The book Prayer Deposits, authored by Allison Hyacintho was published in December 2017. You can get a copy by visiting the author's website here. 

 

How Social Media Affects Your Relationship

Depending on how you place them, Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter and Instagram amongst many other social media platforms affect relationships positively and negatively. Usually,

In our world today, it is not unusual to find people whose relationships started on social media and then ended up in sweet marriages. For us too, it started on Facebook as you will read in our meet up article here. Meeting someone you love on social media and turning your first meeting into a beautiful relationship is not really a bad idea, but what really is the effect of social media on relationships?

5 Ways to Effectively Pray with Your Partner

When Jesus said this in scriptures, He actually meant "any two persons" and not specifically for individuals in a relationship. Now, imagine you two in a relationship then take this much serious and choose to pray together... How much more great things happen.

Sometimes, you just need somebody to agree with you in prayer; somebody who knows how to stand on God's word and intercede with Him for you two. It yields in two different ways.

Firstly, when you two pray together, you settle joint decisions in prayer. Far from all the wokeness and really fun things going on as regards enjoying a relationship and being with the special one, if you two don’t pray together, you would have a huge problem in sustaining the relationship.

Many calls and texts in counselling about how issues are beginning to pop up in some relationships have 80% of them linked to the absence of joint prayers in a long time. It’s an advice or counsel to pray. This is because it is disheartening to see relationships at the verge of or breaking up when things are not working out.

Let's see several things praying together can do for both of you.

First, the family that prays together stays together. Prayer is both conversation and encounter with God. Always love to have that encounter alone with God and enjoy having your prayer time together. We pray together just about anytime and anywhere - In a restaurant, on the phone, in the house, at church, anywhere and anytime.

You actually have to give your whole life for the relationship and become a totally new person. Look at your relationship as you and Jesus. You have to give your whole self to Jesus to die and you then resurrect with a renewed life as a new person.” This is what happens with Jesus! How much more our partner?

Praying teaches you to be other-focused: Spending time talking and praying together about issues and concerns helps you see life and the troubles of your spouse in a better light. Praying helps you focus on your spouse and others, too.

You’d stop thinking about just you. Your sad and happy moments are shared. Your benefits are shared. Your debts even are shared. You focus more on ‘we’ instead of just you.

It’s so important for courting couples to pray together. Praying with your partner, if you haven’t made it a habit, can feel awkward at first, but will then become something you will find comforting and encouraging.

Praying together also humbles you: Praying about your concerns and struggles keeps you humble as you share with God and your partner what things worry you and tempt you, or what you need to figure out. When you pray to God, you are not only talking and listening to Him but also recognizing that He knows all things and controls all things.

When you know what they need, what they are struggling with and what they are praying about, you trust them so much that you just need to pray to God to get most of the information you need.

Again, Praying together strengthens the bond of the relationship: Prayer is also a way to seek God’s wisdom together. As you pray and come to agreements on matters, that discipline then builds unity and strength in the relationship. It is also where you can fight for your relationship together when the difficult days come.


Joint Prayers encourages vulnerability and grace: Prayers of confession or for asking God for help against a temptation allows you to be vulnerable with each other, and to show forgiveness and grace towards each other. That vulnerability can also strengthen the love and affection you feel for one another.

Also, Praying together increases trust and intimacy with partner: Intimacy is built on trust, and trust is built on how we respond to being vulnerable with each other. Praying together helps you show and receive trust that strengthens the bonds of intimacy in your relationship.


If you find it weird praying together or opening up to God with your partner there. You can try these together:

1. Attend spiritual meetings
2. Attend relationships seminars
3. Review books
4. Record a song you both know together
5. Take turns in attending your services if you worship at different centres.

Instead of fighting and considering a break up, prayer becomes a resort for you because in there you’d find results and wisdom on what to do. If you don’t pray together on these issues, your Spirits cannot be in sync to receive an instruction God has for both of you.

Finally, Prayer changes people: This one is a huge hack! There’s something your partner is doing or an opinion she holds that you don’t like, go and change it in prayer. Use this well! Stop nagging all the time!

Praying together reminds you that God is the sole source of life, truth, love, and hope: When you pray together, you are focusing your minds, hearts, and marriage on God. You are making your marriage God-centered. You are sharing with Him your deepest needs and desires, hopes and dreams together.

You’re basing your parenting on God putting you through holding both of you in his hands side by side. Gosh! What a position to be in with God!

 

Matthew 18:19

Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.  

Conviction, Communication and Romance in Godly Relationships

 

Many times, we are asked how we got the conviction that we were meant for each other, especially because many people today have specs for the kind of guy or lady they want to be with. We also get to answer many questions about how we communicate in our relationship especially when we had a long distance season (during the COVID-19 outbreak in 2020) and could barely see for months.

In this love interview episode on Anuoluwapo Adeyemi's podcast series, we talked about these topics and much more, especially as regards our relationship. We made sure to address specifically, different talks from conviction, communication and romance, answering the pinning questions from our beautiful host.

You should listen to this interesting interview. It is totally worth it and you can take our word for it. You can binge listen on My Companion Podcast  through any of the following links:

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10 Major Prayers To Pray While Waiting

 There are

Here is a compilation of ten major prayer points