How Often Should I Say “I Love You” To My Partner?

At one point or the other in our relationship, there comes this awkward moment maybe after a long heart-to-heart where you think to yourself “should I tell him I love him now or should I wait?”

We often get confused as to how to make use of these 3 cute little but strong words- I LOVE YOU. At times you meet a couple and you find it wired and probably irritating that at every moment or every time they are together they use these words so much and on the other hand you see another couple that barely says these words to each other and now you are confused as to what the right way should be- you just want to know when it is getting too much or when you should say it more.

This is what today's blog post will be about.

Before we move too far, let’s see what these three cute little words are capable of. Saying I love you can get overly irritating at a point- say a lady that calls her boyfriend almost every hour of the day to tell him that she loves him. She might think to herself- "I am just letting him know that I love him" but this might start annoying her boyfriend. At the same time, she might start getting angry because her boyfriend who claims to love her does not even say it to her- she needs assurance.

These words I LOVE YOU have a lot of power. When used in the right context and said the right way, they can make the hardest heart melt, and turn the hottest situation between a couple into long-lasting tears, a hug and cuddle tournament. And when used at the wrong time or context, can be as bad as pouring fuel onto a burning car. This is to simply state that there can be a right or wrong way of making use of these words.

Damilare got back from the gym and he remembered that his wife- Tola asked him to please get her two large onion bulbs from the grocery store on his way. That was the only thing that she needed to finish preparing for their launch. When Damilare got in and Tola asked for the onions, he remembered and told her that he forgot. Tola (sad, tired and angry said to him with tears almost rolling down her cheeks) “why did you forget, I begged you and you said you will get it for me, I really would have gone for it myself but I am so tired from all the cooking and cleaning in the house, what do I do now?” Damilare recognizing what he has done went up to his wife and apologized for forgetting to get the onions from the grocery store. Tola looking all tired replied to him, “you said you were sorry the last time too babe.” Damilare went further to tell her that he had a lot on his mind but it was never his intention to make her sad. With a little lift in her spirit, Tola sighed and said “it is ok babe.” And then, at that moment, Damilare looked her in the eyes and used the three cute little words. He said, “Hey babe, I love you, I really do.” And that was it, a pause to cooking and a play to a 30 minutes romantic moment filled with kisses, hugs, cuddles, and love in the air.

Whew! Those words must carry a lot of weight. Sonia on the other hand was that girl that felt she needed to let her boyfriend know every time that she loves him. Keve on the other hand is a person that thinks saying ‘I love you is overrated. This raised some dust between this couple and at last when they got to talk about the whole ‘I love you’ issue, Sonia stated how she felt and she wanted Keve to just always assure her that he loves her. Keve still thinks he does not have to spell it out for her to know that he loves her. At the end of their conversation, Sonia requested that her boyfriend at least give her assurance again. Keve (who was still wondering what the connection between saying it and feeling assured is) said to Sonia in a sharp, low almost grumbling tone ‘I love you.’ Wasn’t that supposed to make Sonia feel assured? It didn’t, she rather felt so unloved and she left angry. What a world!

From the two scenarios, it is important to note that, it wasn’t just the saying of those words- I love you, but it was the emotions that came with them that gave them the power they had. Which is to tell us that there is more to those words than just saying them or how many times you say them to your partner. Context and emotion are key. To some people like Keve, saying these words is not even as important as showing it- which can be true, but what if you have a Sonia as a partner- whoo thinks stating the love is super important?

Emotions mean so much, it speaks the real message, they can be said to be the mitochondrion (powerhouse) of anything we say. Far from saying you love that person that is so dear to your heart, you have to make sure that you always mind the kind of power- emotions that come with the way you talk to your partner. That is one of the things that matter, it is not about just saying it, it is about making them feel it, in the way that you mean it. When I say emotions, I mean your facial expression, body language, tone, and actions at that moment.

Does getting the right emotions give us the license to say “I love you” every minute or once in a blue moon?

In your relationship, you need to know what works for both of you so that you won’t be doing things the wrong way thinking that you are trying to help or make things right. As much as you can, it is best to let your partner know that you love them, this helps to make your partner recognize that they still have a space in your heart. But is it true that saying “I love you” is overrated? I would say- No. maybe just the words that we use in conveying this message and emotions is what is overrated. You can still let your partner know that they mean so much to you without saying “I love you.”

Other ways that you can covey this emotion of love to your partner are:

• Saying, “honey you mean so much to me”

• “I appreciate the way you love me “

• “being with you is not a mistake because you bring out the best in me” etc.

There is this common saying that “action speaks louder than voice.” You can also let your partner know that you love them by doing for them those things that matter to them. This can be as small as helping them out with a chore or attending a game with them or being there when they need someone to give them a listening ear. If you can do this alongside stating verbally that you love your partner, you are going to be building stronger bonds between the both of you.

The truth is it is no right or wrong amount of time to say the “I love you” but for those that say it, they say it, no matter what because when said with the right emotions and followed by the right actions, it yields a great result. They say it:

• When they are feeling happy and mushy 

• Literally all the time

• Even when they are angry

• When they just want to be vulnerable

They say it all the time (but not to the extent of being in their partner's face frustratingly).

I Love You 😘

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