Tall, Dark and Handsome: How to Deal with Relationship Specs
It is very possible to have the tall, dark and handsome wish for a perfect partner. Your wish could be a fair, slim or fleshly endowed lady. But what happens if you do not find your spec? Would you go with anything you find or try to change your partner?
If you are "lucky" to fall in the category of what you ordered versus what you got, there are probably many reasons why you had to stick to your partner as the option for your relationship. But it is never really a bad idea. Change is a constant feature in every man's life and every individual is flexible to change. However, there are certain things that you may be unable to change. How do you live with your partner in this?
Your beliefs and opinion matters. If you can live with the differences and adapt to the absence of the physical and behavioural features in your partner, it is a very good position as there is always a point of compromise for matters like this in every relationship. However, if you cannot adapt, it is also fine to take a break off. The popular saying is that "a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage". At the same time, it is also very possible to work on a change in your partner or yourself.
The problem at this point is that many people are too focused on changing their partners rather than looking inwardly to see how they can improve. While it is necessary for your partner to be open and flexible to change, you cannot and should not force your partner to change. Understanding should come in handy so you know who should bend for the other. This is that point of compromise.
The Law of Attraction
The power of the eye is in its ability to love by sight. Also, change in most relationships occur in the physical, behavioural and emotional modes. These three modes are also responsible for the "spec" we build up in our minds as regards a partner. In many cases, building this spec in mind is a result of attraction to an individual - physically, behaviourally or emotionally. Your partner could dislike eating out and yet be a tall, dark and handsome guy (physical) who loves God and likes to spend fun time with orphanage children and hospital patients (emotional). In this case, you are attracted to him by emotions and physical attributes. In another case, she could dislike calls and prefer texts (behavioural), but she is still the dark skinned beauty you always liked. All of these form different sides, especially because attraction does not show the negative sides in the first place. Attraction only puts what you desire amd want on the table.
Just as our taste changes over time, preferences for whom should occupy space as your partner changes. At the primary school level you once had a crush on a lady or guy in class based on certain qualities... When you fast forward to junior secondary, you find some other crush... And again at the university level. Ordinarily too, a basic change in environment amongst other factors can necessitate
If change is constant, how do I manage
What then should I place as criteria to choosing my life partner? - Not Looks, Not Wealth, Not the paint but the strength of the building
As an individual, you must know that in you lies the power to change and be the best version of yourself. This is one of the best ways to love your partners; by being your best and doing your best for your partner. By doing this, you become adapt to changes where possible and reach a compromise with your partner where change seems difficult. You also control how successful your relationship is, knowing that the success or failure of your relationship is 50% in your hands. Partners should help one another adjust to certain changes. You could encourage your partner to hit the gym or drop off some habits - it's all in the change process. You two will definitely become specs for each other this way.
PS: Attached to this is an audio letter by Della (featuring Nelson). We discussed about changing habits in a relationship and conforming to your partner's spec.
Click the button below to listen.