Understanding Conflicts in Your Relationship

Mere bonding does not form the basis for love. It involves a lot more. This is one reason why we can conclude that healthy relationships are not conflict free but are conflict resolving. The tongue and the teeth, though occupants in the same room still conflict. The problem with conflict most times is that we fight for victories instead of fighting for solutions and in the end, one wins while the other loses. In this case, a relationship suffers. On the other hand, if we conflict for solutions and not victories, we build each other in the long run.

For the psychologist, he may prescribe a million conflict handling lifestyles. For another, there may be no better means to play out a conflict, or no best roles to take. There may also be no blames to share or guilt to pour. However, here are a few things to note about the nature of conflicts and how to end them positively.

Firstly, note that Differences and Conflicts are Inevitable- The average relationship difference brings many people together. This makes conflicts a norm in our daily lives. All relationships experience them too because they are potentially beneficial to the conflicting parties and can grow great relationships if handled properly. Conflicts should therefore be seen and approached as a normality to optimise the better possibilities they contain.

Also, there are many ways to handle conflicts to ensure that everyone wins in the end.

a. The Avoid Style- Individuals in this category ensure that they let sleeping dogs lie. They are usually afraid of confrontation, especially when the other partner is hot tempered and loud in actions. Unfortunately, they do not understand that they merely bury these feelings only for them to rise up alive along the line. Offences accumulate,unfinished businesses erupt and unaddressed issues multiply. These in turn rocks the relationship and tears it apart, usually leaving physical and emotional casualties.

b. The Approach-Assert Style- Here, the individual is basically concerned with the overall goodwill of the relationship. As such, he feels that no price is high too sustain a relationship. Usually, they are very sensitive to the feelings of others while they choose to still deal directly with burning and important issues. They avoid blaming, confront the issue and not the individual, and  may invite others (a third party, usually their joint mentor) to partner with them in solving the conflict issue.

c. The Attack Style- These are the "pepper them gang" who follow the trend of "get them before they get you" mentality in relationships. As a result, they never choose to give in and inflict terminal injury on their minds. Also, attack usually begets counterattack, so both sides dig in and none gets something tangible out in the end.

d. The Peace Maker Style: The final style is for those who will try to make sure no conflict/argument arise. They fight so that nothing scatters. However, in the case it does not work according to their plan, they are usually first to say the I am sorry words. When scriptures mention... Blessed are the peace makers.... You find them here... They are similar to the second category.

To dwell on the Peace makers, the only problem is the fact that many people have abused the use of "sorry" such that they use it and expect a quick response from the people we say it to. In cases like this, you find out that people could file multiple allegations against their partners (or other people they have offended and hurt) and they expect them to let go because they have "said sorry". Here, you understand that there is a huge difference between being sorry and saying sorry.

It is better to be sorry than to say sorry and it is okay to keep quiet if you are not sorry than to utter the word and keep up with the same actions that hurt other people. It helps you learn to value other people's feelings and not place premium on only your feelings. The world cannot thrive with only you in it and you definitely need to place value on people around you because they make life enjoyable. Placing value on people in this case includes respecting them not by kneeling or prostrating to greet them but by respecting their core values that makes them who they are.

It is wrong to align with unforgiveness and emotional manipulation in a relationship. If any partner has these thoughts at heart, it will be almost impossible to understand and resolve conflicts. As an individual, you must be able to stand for whatsoever you have done, whether good or bad. You must take responsibility and make amends in the case where you need to. Making mistakes is a constant part of our lives and partners must  learn to habdle their mistakea without blaming or manipulating each other for it. Learning from mistakes is a conscious effort to living responsibly and being at peace with all men - Romans 12:18 and Hebrews 12:14

Partners should also consciously groom their minds to move on from any form of hurt by each other without necessarily expecting them to come crying and apologise or say sorry. Doing this is safe for your mental health and well being and in the worst case scenerio of a heartbreak (as in our articles on managing a heartbreak and moving on from your ex), you can properly manage it. 

You should also learn to draw the line to avoid a bigger outburst of emotions that both parties will never recover from. No matter how close you are to anybody, there is a thin line of RESPECT that must never be crossed. In our article on who deserves respect the most in a relationship, we discussed the true definitions of respect but sadly, respect is defined by actions (especially in this side of the world) like calling people with titles, kneeling or prostrating to greet and similar actions. While these things may matter in minute ways, the way you treat people whether or not you need anything from them is what matters most. Also, true respect includes that you do not treat people based on the favour or material value you get from them today. Everyone deserves to be adequately respected. At the same time, give people space when you find them disrespecting you. In most cases, these people come to emotionally blackmail you and make you feel guilty instead of accepting that they made a mistake and are willing to correct it. 

Finally, accepting a mistake instead of blaming anyone (even the devil) requires a level of emotional maturity. "Saying sorry" does not get into the heart of the kindhearted but "being truly sorry" can break and pierce the toughhearted.

Above all, resolving conflicts in any relationship is a thing more spiritual than physical. We should be conscious of the fact that the enemy never wants joy, so he births strife among men. Psychology can only explain, and at most, link them to temperaments. But a lasting solution to arguments and conflicts lies in prayer and a constant "walk in the spirit"

All you may need to avert a terrible argument could be to send a text at the right time, or to give a better response to a question.... Just something little.

Galatians 5:14-1514: For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”15: If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

Tall, Dark and Handsome: How to Deal with Relationship Specs

It is very possible to have the tall, dark and handsome wish for a perfect partner. Your wish could be a fair, slim or fleshly endowed lady. But what happens if you do not find your spec? Would you go with anything you find or try to change your partner?

If you are "lucky" to fall in the category of what you ordered versus what you got, there are probably many reasons why you had to stick to your partner as the option for your relationship. But it is never really a bad idea. Change is a constant feature in every man's life and every individual is flexible to change. However, there are certain things that you may be unable to change. How do you live with your partner in this?

Your beliefs and opinion matters. If you can live with the differences and adapt to the absence of the physical and behavioural features in your partner, it is a very good position as there is always a point of compromise for matters like this in every relationship. However, if you cannot adapt, it is also fine to take a break off. The popular saying is that "a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage". At the same time, it is also very possible to work on a change in your partner or yourself.

The problem at this point is that many people are too focused on changing their partners rather than looking inwardly to see how they can improve. While it is necessary for your partner to be open and flexible to change, you cannot and should not force your partner to change. Understanding should come in handy so you know who should bend for the other. This is that point of compromise.

The Law of Attraction

The power of the eye is in its ability to love by sight. Also, change in most relationships occur in the physical, behavioural and emotional modes. These three modes are also responsible for the "spec" we build up in our minds as regards a partner. In many cases, building this spec in mind is a result of attraction to an individual - physically, behaviourally or emotionally. Your partner could dislike eating out and yet be a tall, dark and handsome guy (physical) who loves God and likes to spend fun time with orphanage children and hospital patients (emotional). In this case, you are attracted to him by emotions and physical attributes. In another case, she could dislike calls and prefer texts (behavioural), but she is still the dark skinned beauty you always liked. All of these form different sides, especially because attraction does not show the negative sides in the first place. Attraction only puts what you desire amd want on the table.

Just as our taste changes over time, preferences for whom should occupy space as your partner changes. At the primary school level you once had a crush on a lady or guy in class based on certain qualities... When you fast forward to junior secondary, you find some other crush... And again at the university level. Ordinarily too, a basic change in environment amongst other factors can necessitate

If change is constant, how do I manage

What then should I place as criteria to choosing my life partner? - Not Looks, Not Wealth, Not the paint but the strength of the building

As an individual, you must know that in you lies the power to change and be the best version of yourself. This is one of the best ways to love your partners; by being your best and doing your best for your partner. By doing this, you become adapt to changes where possible and reach a compromise with your partner where change seems difficult. You also control how successful your relationship is, knowing that the success or failure of your relationship is 50% in your hands. Partners should help one another adjust to certain changes. You could encourage your partner to hit the gym or drop off some habits - it's all in the change process. You two will definitely become specs for each other this way.

PS: Attached to this is an audio letter by Della (featuring Nelson). We discussed about changing habits in a relationship and conforming to your partner's spec. 

Click the button below to listen.

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6 Lessons from Naomi to Singles

The story of Ruth and Naomi opens you up to many lessons which the old woman taught her daughter in-law. These lessons are salient ones that singles need in their waiting seasons. The lessons come in form of simple instructions that once understood and applied, it begins to yield the needed and expected results. In the next few lines, let us take a brief journey into scriptures as we take a look at these lessons.

 

1. Never Assume. Be sure it's God's will for you

Ruth was not just looking for any man. She had a specific one in mind - God's will, and she was ready to go all length to get only God's will. This is not similar to an extreme liking for a guy/lady and then going to pray about him/her because of your previous affections. Naomi however had done her assignment and so she was able to tell Ruth where to find him: "...he is winnowing barley tonight at the threshing floor" (Ruth 3:2)

2. Deal with your Past

Naomi said to Ruth, "...wash yourself..." (Ruth 3:3). In order to gain acceptance with Boaz, Ruth could not approach him looking and smelling like Moab. She needed to settle her past so that it would not sabotage her future. Do not remain contaminated with stories and worries of breakups, jilts and every past. Just sort out your emotional baggage. To properly sort this, you would need to prayerfully and confidently tell him/her everything about your past and if he/she is truly for you, then he/she would accept you for who you have become and not what your past contains.


3. Have the right attitude: Naomi said to Ruth, "...anoint yourself..."(Ruth 3:3). In Bible times, people anointed themselves with oil in order to be refreshed and renewed. In essence, Ruth needed a change of attitude as many singles need toay.


4. Be willing to stand out in the crowd: Ruth was instructed to "...put on your best garment..." (Ruth 3:3). You need to get noticed, look good for approval. There is a need to stand out and be exceptional. (Remember, you are not mourning).


5. Make sure you are in the right place: Naomi told Ruth, "...Go down to the threshing floor" (Ruth 3:3). Why? Because that was where Boaz was. You should not feel out of place when you are in the right place neither should you be at the wrongplace when you should be at the right. Many consciously or unconsciously move away from where their spouses are.

6. Understand the importance of timing

Naomi gives Ruth one strong one here by saying "... Do not make yourself known unto the man until...". Ruth had waited a long while as we know but she did not need to push or rush things. Pushing things is getting pregnant before marriage (so that he would be stuck right?), making proposal moves before he does and so on. Things should only happen at the appointed time uhn...

Dear single brother/sister, the truth is the truth. If the government decides to kill all mathematicians today, 1+1 would still equal 2 because it's the truth. I have come to confirm every advice Mummy Naomi gave Sister Ruth as true.

Follow them, your spouse cometh!

How to Hold Up in a Long Distance Relationship

Intimacy in any relationship is built through constant communication and a level of distance between both partners, but then in a long distance relationship, the question remains: How far can you truly be from love? 

 

In our four years relationship (as at the time of updating this post), we have witnessed the close distance and the long distance cases. We have learnt that holding up the relationship at each other's end is a result of what both partners agree and make committment to. If both partners really want to make the relationship work despite the distance, it definitely will.

How we managed through these long distance relationship times, especially the activities that have kept us going through the long distance period have been compiled into this book. It is a list of engaging activities that can spice up Long distance Relationships and how you can go about them. All of these activities are based on our personal experience, so you would find words like ―us, we, my, ours and other word classes affiliating to us. 

You can also tag along as Hold Up or Uphold 😀. Someone mentioned this to us after we published. Whether you choose to hold up your relationship or up hold it, it is still a conscious effort to ensure that your relationship works.

 

If you are not in a long distance relationship either, you can choose to engage any of these activities. As a plus, we have included thirty five date ideas for you and your partner. These date ideas will come in handy especially when you need to relax and evaluate your relationship from time to time.

 

We would be happy to receive your comments and testimonies here after reading this book. It is our prayer that your relationship will continually glorify God (Amen).

To get your FREE copy, kindly click here to download or click on the download button below.

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The Importance of Friendship in a Relationship

There is a common saying that “it is better to marry your best friend” and another that “the devil that you have known for a hundred years is better than the angel you just met”, are these sayings true? What does this mean? What if my best friend is not the kind of person that I would love to spend the rest of my life with? What if my best friend and I are of the same sex? All these are what we would be looking into in this post.

Many people get attracted to their partner due to different reasons. For some, the attraction came from the way they heard their partner talk; for others, the first attraction came from the mode of dressing or an act of kindness from their partners. Whatever the case maybe, something has to spark that first attraction for you to like that person. You would agree with me that it would be hard for you to like someone whose personality you cannot even cope with or whose values are entirely different from yours. This is to say that no matter who you would like to be in a relationship with, you would like them to be a person that you can relate very well with.  

  Research has shown that most of the couples that have a happy marriage were friends before they got married. For a relationship to be a good one, you and your partner have to connect on more than one level. This is where friendship comes into play. There is a need to be able to play, plan, read, pray, execute goals with your partner comfortably, this will help to strengthen the relationship and help you bond well with your partner. But how do you bond with someone you don’t even know? Let me start by saying that the person you want to start a relationship with is not necessarily supposed to have been your friend. But, no matter how you met, never skip the friendship stage. 

Tasha just met Ken at the mall and both of them exchanged phone numbers because they had a short time to talk at the mall while they were shopping and they got along so well. They also found out that they agreed on some things like soccer being a really nice game. Later the next day, Ken called Tasha and they both went out for an ice-cream. They had the time to talk more and get to know other things about each other. It was an evening of absolute cruise and thrill as the both of them had lots of fun talking about different things. In the midst of all the fun, Ken decided to ask Tasha a sweet and sincere question, so he said,

 “hey, I find out that we get along so well, and I feel like I have known you for years, (chuckles). Tash, the funniest thing is that we both even love soccer, really, I am so glad I met you at the mall yesterday."

Tasha said, “yes… it has been all fun moments with you.”

Then Ken said, “I would be really glad if we can take this friendship to another level.”

Tasha: "ok…?" (looking a bit shy and confused with a smile on her face)

Ken: "Tasha, I know we haven’t even spent up to 24 hours together but we’ve known so much about each other, so I decided to ask you, will you please be my girlfriend?"

Tasha, now all red and blushing said: "yes! yes! yes! I will love to."

****************************************

Hell no! that was not Tasha’s reply. Tasha said:

“ Ken, the truth remains, I have never felt so connected with a guy, I mean, I also feel like I have known you for a long time, and the fact that we agree on so many things? Wow... but ken, I cannot be your girlfriend, at least, not now. This is because I would really love us to get to know each other even better, so to be fair, let me ask, can we be friends?”

The point is that Tasha was able to put her emotions aside and let herself think. She definitely knew that at some point in the relationship, things might go wrong. So, no matter how bad you might want the relationship, never ever skip the stage of friendship (should I increase the volume?). The friendship stage is essential so that both individuals will get to know the basic things about each other. Things like this include their values, their drive, hobbies, life purpose, family background, personal discipline, work ethics and so on. This might look like a long and endless list of stressful things to do but they are the things that will help you know if you are compatible. Mind you, it is not possible to know all about that person at the stage of friendship.

It is also easy to feel like we can get to know these things while we are dating but the truth is if you remain friends for a reasonable time and watch each other closely, you will be able to discover new things about the other person even without asking them. By just paying attention and observing each other while being friends, you will know if your values and life’s purpose align and you will be able to decide the persons true personality to an extent. It is not possible to hide your true personality for a long time in a friendship and this is because true friends tend to be free with each other. If you are very observant, you will notice some red flags and green flags. In cases where you have discovered that the bad attributes are way more than the good attributes, you will be able to save yourself from having to break up any relationship because you never started one.

Big point: it is not about marrying your best friend, but more about not skipping the stage of friendship in your relationship. It is also not about settling for the devil you’ve known in years but being patient and observant enough to know if the new angel is not another devil in disguise.

 

10 Games Every Long Distance Couple Should Play Today

The essence of playing games as a couple is to have activities that always bring you together. With nothing bringing you together, your significant other will gradually become insignificant. Hence, the constant need to stay connected. One of the ways to foster quality connection between you and your significant other is to create time for each other irrespective of your tight and busy schedules.

The essence of this article is to ease the stress of thinking back and forth on how best you should spend your time together, or what to spend your time with your partner doing. This article discusses ten (10) fun and exciting games you can play with your partner even when you are miles apart.

How to Make the Game Fun

You can choose to play the games with other couples onsite or online. If you decide to play the game online due to the distance between you and your partner and you also decide to play the game with other couples, can create a common group for all of you either on WhatsApp, Telegram, or Facebook where essential information about the game will be discussed before the start of the game.

If you and your partner are the types who enjoy playing large and having a good time on a larger scale, you can make your game nights/days even more enjoyable by choosing platforms where your games are more open to a broader audience. It'll resemble a reality show. Twitter spaces, Clubhouse, Instagram Live, and Facebook live can all be used to do this. You can invite random couples to participate or keep it closed to just you and your couple buddies.

Try to explore all your options and do what works best for you, most of these games are simple and there are a few on the list for real gaming enthusiasts too. Without further ado, let’s dive straight into the games.

1. Truth or Dare

This is an age-long game played among friends and couples. The rule of the game is to take turns on who is to ask the question truth or dare. Turns can be taken onsite by spinning a bottle or randomly if the game is being played online. The person whose turn it is has to pick “Truth" or "Dare"

Picking "Truth" requires you to give a totally honest answer to a question asked by one of the players while Picking "Dare" requires you to carry out whatever action you're dared to, failure to do so means disqualification.

2. Never Have I Ever

This is one game you have to play with an open mind, each person has a limited number of "lives" let's call it that for the sake of this article, a statement is read out from a source, could be the internet or the players could come up with their own, so, for instance, the statement is "never have I ever gotten drunk" every player who HAS gotten drunk loses a life, anyone who HASN'T retains their life, the last player with lives left after a series of questions wins the round. In a game like this you can easily get to find out things you probably didn't already know about your partner, try not to take things personal, see it as a chance to get to know them a little better, and have discussion topics for later.

Read: Top 10 Restaurants in Ebonyi for Lovers this Valentine’s Day

3. Complete the Lyrics

This is quite simple and would be really fun for music lovers, one of the players says the lyrics to a song, and the player whose turn it is would be expected to correctly finish the lyrics, you might know the song or you could guess what it could be and find out if you're psychic.

4. Yes or No

This is another game that could make you and your partner burst into laughter now and then. To play the yes or no game, a simple and direct question that is supposed to have the answer YES or NO will be asked but you are not allowed to answer the question with either YES or NO.

For instance, if you ask a question like “did you fall in love with me at first sight?” a normal answer will be YES or NO but for this game the player is required to answer by saying something like, “from the first time I set my eyes on you, I knew that you were the one for me” or “oh, it was after we became

friends and got a bit closer”. Now, the game gets more fun and intense after the first question because you are to keep asking questions that require them to reply either yes or no without giving the player time to think about it. So, you can follow the first question with “did you say you just fell in love with

me at first sight.” and “did you think I was beautiful” or “were we sitting close to each other when we met” and you can go on and on and on until the person finally answers a question with either yes or no. The person who lasts the longest without saying any of these words (Yes or No) wins the game.

Guess the Movie

This game would be enjoyed by couples who see movies a lot. Depending on what you have access to, it might be a short clip, a picture or you can say out loud a statement from a movie and your partner will be required to guess the movie where the clip, picture, or statement was gotten from.

I Spy

This game is really popular and you have probably seen it done in movies when a family is on a road trip or vacation but

it doesn't always require players to be in the same space, I think

playing this game when you're in a different space than your partner adds to

the excitement and fun, you get to really think about where your partner could

be and what they could be looking at. In "I spy" a player says "I spy with my little eye, something..." then leaves a clue about what they're looking at, the clue could be a color, shape, or both, players set the rules and can have all the fun they want for as long as they want.

Two Truths and One Lie

I'm a terrible liar so I probably would be terrible at this one, the game requires you to make three statements about yourself, two of them should be true and one should be a lie, the aim is to make the lie sound as convincing as possible or at least not obvious and the other player or players have to try to figure out which of the statements is false.

This or That

This or that is a simple game that helps you know a person's preferences, it's really straightforward: two options are given by one player say "strawberry or chocolate" and the other player or players simply pick one over the other. You might've thought your partner or friend loves strawberry ice cream just to find out they're actually mad over chocolate, makes for a good laugh and conversation and gives you a little more insight into your partner or the other players.

Need For Speed

This game is one of many classic car racing games and has different versions some of which have multiplayer capabilities. If you and your partner are car lovers of just like a good healthy competition then you'll enjoy this.

Set up your cars how you like and see how your racing machine and skills compare to your partner's, take on different challenges, events, and race tracks, and don't be scared to rub it in your partner's face when you leave them in your dust, I'm kidding, don't take the bragging too far.

Call of Duty

The mobile version of this game has gained traction over the last few years, call of Duty is a multiplayer game that can simply be summarized as teams taking each other out to achieve an objective or till there is only one team or player left. The game allows teammates to communicate with each other during matches so you can strategize, experience each other’s reactions, or just have good conversation while playing. There are loads of ways you can play games like these and they tend to pull pure undiluted reactions from players especially in heated moments while playing. There are several ways a couple can enjoy this game together, here are a few suggestions; build each other's load-outs, have a kill race, give each other in-game challenges and play with another couple as a team or against each other to spice things up.

Remember these games are all aimed at helping you get closer with your partner, get to know each other better, and create fun memories together irrespective of the difference in your location. You can decide to have all the fun you want while

playing any of these games. Also spice things up and make them

work for you. I hope to see you in the comment section where you can share with

us your favorite of all 10 games. Also, feel free to share new and fun games

that couples can also play in the comment section. 

Communication in Your Relationship The essence of playing games as a couple is to have

activities that always bring you together. With nothing bringing you together, your significant other will gradually become insignificant. Hence, the constant need to stay connected. One of the ways to foster quality connection between you and your significant other is to create time for each other irrespective of your tight and busy schedules.

Conclusion

The essence of this article is to ease the stress of thinking back and forth on how best you should spend your time together, or what to spend your time with your partner doing. This article discusses 10

fun and exciting games you can play with your partner even when you are miles

apart.

How to Make the Game Fun

You can choose to play the games with other couples onsite or online. If you decide to play the game online due to the distance between you and your partner and you also decide to play the game with other couples, can create a common group for all of you either on WhatsApp, Telegram, or Facebook where essential information about the game will be discussed before the start of the game.

If you and your partner are the types who enjoy playing large and having a good time on a larger scale, you can make your game nights/days even more enjoyable by choosing platforms where your games are more open to a broader audience. It'll resemble a reality show. Twitter spaces, Clubhouse, Instagram Live, and Facebook live can all be used to do this. You can invite random couples to participate or keep it closed to just you and your couple buddies. 

Relationship Gist (Things You Should Talk About In Your Relationship)

Read: 5 Tips to Help You Build a Better Relationship

Try to explore all your options and do what works best for you. Most of these games are simple and there are a few on the list for real gaming enthusiasts too. Without further ado, let’s dive straight into the games.

Conclusion

Remember that these games are all aimed at helping you get closer with your partner, get to know each other better, and create fun memories together irrespective of the difference in your location. You can decide to have all the fun you want while playing any of these games. Also spice things up and make them work for you. I hope to see you in the comment section where you can share with

us your favorite of all 10 games. Also, feel free to share other fun games that couples can also play in the comment section. 

Èmí Ògá - The Spirit of the Boss

Who is the boss?

What is wrong with his spirit?

What exactly does the term “emi oga” mean?

These and many more are the questions we will be discussing today. 

What is “Emi Oga”?

If you are Nigerian and you are reading this post, you probably have heard people say ‘emi oga’ but in case you are not Nigerian or you are Nigerian but you don’t have a clue as to what emi oga is, I am here for you today. Before I started writing on this topic I asked some people if they know what “emi oga” means and what comes to their mind when they hear some people call themselves ”emi oga”. Some had an idea of what it meant, while some didn’t. Some have a healthy view of the origin and meaning of the saying  “emi oga”, some dislike the idea of people calling themselves “emi oga” while some don’t even care. Some thought only some certain kind of females call themselves “emi oga”. But I am here 

today to tell you what my view on “emi oga” is and should be (to the children of God here striving to have a godly relationship and a godly marital life).

In its literal form, “emi oga” means the spirit of the boss. This is a term used commonly by young ladies (in a relationship or situationship) and women in Nigeria, and just the way any other term can be misused- “Emi Oga” has also gotten into the hands and mouths of those that abuse its true meaning. At the inception of the relationship between Adam and Eve, God never planned for Eve to be a liability to her husband rather, God created them to live together, to be fruitful and multiply which means they both had a role to play and no one was created to be a servant to the other. 

This is to let us know that a true relationship is not meant to be a host-pest kind of thing. But for the people that misuse the term ”emi Oga”, this is what they mean: all they need to do is to sit down and be taken care of by their husband or partner. Someone who spends her husband’s money without working for her own money.

 

Why Do Some Ladies Have This Kind of Mentality in a Relationship? (The Wrong Perspective of Emi Oga)

If we say it is because they are women and it is what ladies are capable of, or because they are lazy, we will only be scratching the surface of the matter. Honestly, the only reason why someone will wake up to decide that they just want to be in a relationship with a rich man or get married to a wealthy man that will get them all their needs is just that they have failed to understand themselves,(THEY LACK THE KNOWLEDGE OF SELF). A lady that has taken time to study herself and understand her purpose for being on earth will not want to sit on a spot and be taken care of. Rather, she will look for ways to improve herself and let others do the same by carrying out assignments per time. A woman that has a true sense of self will know what is required of her and go for it at every point in time. Even when this woman is a full housewife, she still knows her duties and contributes to the house. She is industrious and knows how to take good care of her family.  She is a forward-thinking female, a future-thinking female. This woman can do all these because she understands herself.

A lady that does not understand herself will not be able to make use of her potentials to evolve into her best self. She will be dearly interested in just passing each day without stress while she spends her partners' money and receives surprises. Another common claim that some ladies have for doing this is that “their partner loves them enough to take care of them and that he is not complaining”. As women and young ladies, we should understand that men have egos and they don’t like to be perceived as weak or incapable, they also love to see the one they love to enjoy and not suffer- so they will not complain.

Hey love, it's another day of this precious journey of ours. A big thank you for always giving me the chance to come and discuss hot boiling relationship topics with you. I hope you had a good night's rest?

Yesterday was so fun and as usual, thank you for making effort to know what èmí ògá is all about as well as peoples perceptions of "Èmí ògá". Today, we will be looking into what the whole èmí ògá thing is supposed to be like. So sit back, grab your drinks and snacks and ride with me.

What Should Emi Oga Be Like?

When you say you love your partner, the person may be “Emi Oga” to you because the person plays an important role in your life and you do the same for the person. Your partner can be “Emi Oga” to you because they have helped you become more and supported your dreams. The term “Emi Oga” is not supposed to be used in a relationship where only the man is working, doing all the caring for, and providing the needs of the wife. In a healthy relationship, the wife/ female partner is also supposed to play a supportive role, take care of her partner, buy him things, surprise him with gifts. When God saw the need for Adam to have someone like him, He created Eve to be his “helpmate”, “a suitable companion” not a liability to her husband. Ladies should strive to be creative and innovative in all they do. Even a full housewife can do something aside from being a full-time mom. This is not for herself alone but her children, because by doing this she is teaching them to become more and do more.

Dear woman and young lady, try to create a life and environment where your partner can be free to also call himself “Emi Oga”. Doing this makes your partner feel loved and respected, in turn, he gives you all the love you need and respects you for who you are. Doing this also increases your worth because you contribute significantly to your family and society. Looking at it well, giving your partner a chance to be “Emi Oga” is giving yourself a lot more chances to be “Emi Oga”. It is a win-win.

Thank you for choosing to be more and not just a piece of furniture whose work is to beautify the house and nothing more. I hope that with this discussion of ours, you now understand what it truly means to be “Emi Oga”. I cannot wait to hear your feedback. Till tomorrow, know that I love you and that love is beautiful so let us nurture it together.

How to Handle Sexual Urges Before Marriage

When I was growing, I used to like this meat pie from Mr. Biggs. I would buy it everyday and I didn’t mind trekking to Mr. Biggs on Oregun road to buy it. I bought it too after church. I bought it for so long with stolen money from my dad’s suit. Ahhh. I took my dad’s money a lot! It was norm for me to just enter his room, go to his suits and check his pockets for money and guess what?

Each time I went to the suit, I always find money in it and I took them for so long and my dad never talked or ask who was taking his money. But he kept putting it there. And I kept taking it.

I thought I had hacked that art of stealing from your dad without him remembering or saying anything about it. I thought it was manna from Heaven. Judge me, whatever, I’m a changed person now.😂

One day, I misplaced the change I got from the woman who sold bread two houses away. My dad had sent me 100 bread and I misplaced the 100 change. I got home before realizing.

I ran back to the woman crying to her to come and help me beg my daddy that he would beat me (for 100?!😭) and I was crying so much the old woman had to follow me home and climb all those stairs to beg my dad.

I had never misplaced money from my dad so I didn’t know how he would react but I knew it wasn’t a good one.

 

“Ah. E filed e ma worry? Is that why you came? Ahhh. Ko le to yennnn?”

And the woman left. My dad felt so embarrassed and kept asking me why I would think he would beat me for misplacing his money.

“Have I ever beaten you for misplacing money? Even breaking plates? Why did you have to bring her?”

“Even my money that you’ve been taking from my suits, have I said anything? You think I don’t know?”

 

God has put sexual urges in us for a reason. He had made us physically attracted to the opposite sex for a reason. He purposely made it so. 

(If you don’t feel like that, I don’t know what to tell you, lol.) It’s okay if you find them attractive. You are not less spiritual and your prayer life is not in shambles. You dey alright.

But you know, He wanted you to enjoy it in marriage with that person you get to tie the knot with.

 

Ahhh😭😭😭

He knew!!!

“I kept the money there everyday for you. The money was for you people so that when I’m not around and you need to get something, you won’t be stranded.”

This was the shocker. So, the money was mine all these while and I was stealing it? You mean to say it’s mine but I was trying to cut corners to have it?

So each time you try to “do it” before marriage, you’re stealing something that already belongs to you but for a certain time. 

My dad kept the money in his suits so we could have it when we were stranded or needed to get something and he wasn’t around.

Same way God put all those sexual urges for us to act on when we’re married and in the right time to put all our skills to work.🌚

[5/19, 9:31 PM] Adeolami: Now, you’ve stolen it for so long and now it’s like you’re losing it. You almost reach through to him and remember you’ve failed Him and so you run back and try to reach Him through people.

You’re listening to messages, reading books and maybe even going to church but again, God wants to shut these things out and call you into depth with Him. Now, He wants to meet with you.

“Why do you have to reach me through someone? Come up hither. I know of all your other wrong deeds but did I kill you?”

[5/19, 9:31 PM] Adeolami: Why steal it when you can wait and get it ALL? I mean, it’s for you. God won’t collect back your sexual urges and abilities and the hot things you feel like doing now now.

It’s going to always be your own, innit?😂

But what happens when you’ve stolen it already? He says “When you were stealing it all these while, did I strike you dead? Why did you think that now that you’ve lost it, I’d disown you?”

[5/19, 9:31 PM] Adeolami: It’s the same with whatever thing it is you think you’ve failed God on.

Stop running away. He wants to talk to you. The moment He tells you about the “appointed time”, you’d be more than happy you waited.

How do you not steal these things? Walk in the Spirit. Don’t shut out the Spirit. Hold on to what God has told you. It’s for you, but it’s for an appointed time. Spend time with the person that put the sexual kini there.

[5/19, 9:31 PM] Adeolami: It’s just like finishing the plantain before you finish frying.😂

But, Bola, if you finish frying the plantain, it’s yours to eat with the beans?🌚👀. Nobody will share it with you abi? Gbam.

If you’ve started stealing it, stop stealing it. The one you’ve stolen is okay. It’s not until they strike you dead nau (lol no, God won’t). But really, you can stop. It might not stop immediately you decide to stop but if you see the reasons why you should, you would.

 

To coonclude, you should not miss the crux of the matter, so here is a quick summary.

1. Stop stealing. Wait for the plantain to finish frying

2. If you’ve stolen, God knows and He still wants a relationship and wants to guide you.

3. If hand dey scratch you to steal, go and marry. We dey your back. If you are in a relationship, sexual urges will definitely come. If the thing catch you too much, Brother Paul said we should go and marry.

No too think am. If you see say you’re body no dey cooperate, put the ring on it. By that time, your body go _kule_.😂

God wants us to “Do it”. He’s even looking forward to it but He’s alarm is set on the right time in marriage.  If you no wan marry, baff with cold water.🌚

From God’s heart to you, He added also that He loves you! He wants to hear from you again!❤️🥺

Majoring so much on avoiding pre-marital sex as a key to having a successful marriage is to have your priorities mixed up.

If you study scriptures properly, you will guard against and flee fornication. 1st Corinthians 6:18 KJV says
[18] Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

However your greater emphasis should not be to achieve the short term results of avoiding such indiscipline before marriage. There are other lusts that will emerge after you tie the knots. Thus, many develop strange habits after the wedding, during marriage. So rather than focus on the premarital abstinence only, let couples groom themselves in developing the christian character called Self- Control. It is the virtue which delays immediate gratification for a more noble cause.

Focus here, will be on appetites generally- rage, food, leisure, sex, gists, sleep ..

When you do this, you build a total man not just a pre-marital hero who might just be postponing the evil day!

 Wait. Sex is good as long as it begins from the wedding night. Sex is food for marriage and not appetizer or small chops for a relationship or courtship.You are valuable, so zip up.

Galatians 5:22-25[ tells us that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, [23] Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. [24] And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. [25] If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

The 9 Fruits of the Spirit and Your Relationship

The Bible in Galatians 5:22-23 mentions that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. These fruits of the spirit are essential elements that prove that we are children of God and that Christ lives in us through the Holy Spirit. The essence of the fruits of the spirit is to hshow us forth as witnesses and evidence of Christ in us as believers. This is why John 15: 2 also tells us that God, the vine dresser, cuts off every branch in Christ that bears no fruit, and every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes to make it even more fruitful.

1. Love

In Matthew 22:35-40, Jesus spoke extensively about love as a requirement for our relationship with people. Love is much more than a feeling of passion for your partner. It also includes an understanding that every other fruit of the spirit is embedded in it. This is why true love will never hurt, backbite, instigate one against another, fight, keep malice or harbour sorrow in the heart. In your relationship, you have to value the love that you share and express it deeply to your partner at every opportunity.

2. Joy

John in his letter to Gaius (3 John 1:3-4).

3. Peace

When we read through Romans 12:18, the Apostle Paul rightly admonishes us saying that as much as possible, we must try to live peaceably with all men and this includes your partner. An example of peace making in this case is that of Abraham and his nephew, Lot. (Genesis 13:8-9). In every relationship, especially as couples, living in peace should not be underrated.

4. Forbearance

God's word again in Luke 17:3-4 instructs us to take heed to yourselves. It specifically says that if your neighbour sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. It also says that if your neighbour sins against you seven times in a day, and comes to you each time in repentance, seeking your forgiveness, then you must forgive him. This kind of forgiveness takes longsuffering. In the words of Apostle Joshua Selman Nimmak, forbearance is giving room and accommodation for an offence to be repeated. While sin should not be tolerated and should be pointed out when it is our responsibility to do so, repeated sin must be patiently forgiven, even if it happens seven times in one day. This is what God does, and this is what He wants us to do.)

In example, Jeremiah was given the task to tell the people of Judah that Babylon was going to take them captive because they refused to repent of their sins. Jeremiah did not give up trying to get them to repent and turn from their wicked ways (Jeremiah 9:1, Jeremiah 38:6). The scroll of the prophecies God had given him was burned and had to be rewritten. Through all this, Jeremiah still tried to turn them from sin.

5. Kindness 

The Bible in the book of Ephesians 4:32 - “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” In 2 Chronicles 22-23, Queen Athaliah took the throne of Judah, murdering all rightful heirs. She unknowingly spared one - a baby named Joash. The former king’s daughter (Jehoshabeath) saved Joash from the slaughter and hid him for 7 years with her husband the high priest (Jehoiada) in the house of the Lord while the usurper queen ruled Judah. They took a risk, putting their lives on the line to show kindness to the little boy. After 7 years, Jehoiada took steps to install Joash as king and get rid of Athaliah. Then, for many years, Jehoiada continued to guide and counsel Joash.

6. Goodness 

Hezekiah (2 Chronicles 29-32) inherited the kingdom from his father who was a very wicked ruler. In his reign, Hezekiah cleansed the temple from neglect and contempt, restoring the true worship of God. He also kept the Passover festival, got rid of pagan worship and stood against the most powerful king at the time, Sennacherib of Assyria, who mocked God. King Josiah in 2 Chronicles 34-35 followed the same pattern as Hezekiah. He inherited the kingdom after two wicked kings destroyed what Hezekiah had put in place. Josiah purged the land again of all the terrible pagan practices. He also found the Book of the Law and became determined to follow it closely.

7. Faithfulness

2 Corinthians 5:7 and Hebrews 11 lists Abraham and Sarah as examples of faithful people who did many things by faith. As partners, you must understand that the fruit of faithfulness will help your belief in God. That way, you can hing on his promises. Faithfulness is a concept that is linked to loyalty and as such, partners must ensure that they are faithful to one another as well as unto God. We shared a few tips about faithfulness at our programme tagged 31 Days in the Triangle in March 2022. You can see the prompts on our Instagram page to follow up on faithfulness with your partner.

8. Gentleness

In Matthew 11:29, Christ said, “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls”. Paul too in 2 Corinthians 10:1 says, “Now I, Paul, myself am pleading with you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ—who in presence am lowly among you, but being absent am bold toward you.” 

9. Self-Control 

In 1st John 2:15-17: “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.”

How to Know if he or she is the one for You

One of the reasons why some people have not given love a chance is because of the fear of getting into the wrong hands. I am sure you know that one person who has been indifferent relationships but they all ended broken. This happened even when they decided to be serious with their love life and now they go up and down saying to the universe that there is no such thing as true love and thinking to themself that true love only exists in Disney movies.

We shouldn't blame them because we were never in their shoes nor did we experience with them the hurt they went through. They must have hoped and prayed relationship after relationship that the person they were with at the moment was the one for them, their 'last bus stop'. They must have had the happy ones that made them think that all was fine and this time they are doing everything well. But in the blink of an eye, their love wall of Jericho began to crumble again until it fell not to be rebuilt.

If you know this person or people like this and they hold a place in your heart I would say that you share with them today's post. If you are the one just stay with me because today I am going to be letting you know one of the important ways that you would know if the person you are going out with is the one for you. We will be talking about various other points for about a couple of weeks ahead so stay with me as I said.

You are already in this relationship or you are planning to start again but a part of you is scared that this one might go wrong again. Here is one simple way you can know if that person is worth your precious love, time, and attention.

 

"How You Feel with Him or Her."

Most of the time we tend to look at who the person is, what the person does, where the person is in life, what's the person can or cannot do, what drives the person, while we forget to think about how we feel when we are with the person. You will agree with me that with some people you definitely cannot show your true self. When you are with them you are more or less holding your breath. You try to be who you are not and try to laugh at their dry jokes and you do all this hoping that things will get better along the line, that there will be a balance between you both, forgetting that holding your breath for too long would exhaust you.

When you are with that person and you have to become an amoeba that changes shape along with the person's emotions. You definitely can tell that this is not you that will be with your friends or just a random stranger that you just met. My darling, I am sorry to tell you this, but that gentleman or lady is not the one for you.

You need to always be with that person that sees you for who you are and allows you to be the best you can be. Someone that helps you recognize your weakness and strength and help you put them to maximum use. That person that you can be your goofy self with,  laugh with, joke with, pull light pranks on, and have fun with. That person is the one that will make you feel the best you can. Someone that makes you forget the spelling of Pretense.

If you are with that person right now or you are planning to be with that person who may still be in the friend zone right now, I can tell you that you can give it a shot now. All things being equal, should lead to greatness.

 

Conclusion

This is not the only way but one of the best ways to know if he or she is the one for you. It is a very important one at that. 

 

In the last post on how to know if that person is or is not for you, in that post, we discussed paying attention to how he or she makes you feel when you are together or when their thoughts crosses your mind. Most of the time we neglect this part all in the name of “love is blind” or “she would change overtime” but the truth is the moment you  start faking the real you, pay attention, because it is a big red flag.

Although, it is important to pay attention to the way you feel around that person it is also important that you know that this is not the only way to know if that is the person you are supposed to be with. So, today we will be talking about another important thing we need to pay attention to.

 

We are not asking you to be selfish right now. However, you must know that before anyone, it has to be you first, because this process is about you checking if you are compatible with this person and this takes me to the next question.

 

Do Your Values Align?

We were all raised in different environment and under different conditions so you do not expect you and that person to be 100% on the same page. Do not get me wrong it can seem like you and that person you just met a totally on the same page in your first or second even up to the fifth time of meeting and having conversations but you will soon start to realize that even though you love the same football team, you like to eat the same snack, you both like to work in a quiet environment, or maybe you are both indifferent about the kind of environment you carry out your task. There are still some things that you both do not have in common. This thing might not be in form of habits they might be those precious things you take as your core values.

Take for instance you are a lover of God and you cherish having about an hour to listen to God in meditation but due to the environment this new person that you like was brought up, he or she just believes there is a God somewhere that we pray to and that is basically it. This person prays when he wills and attends church on Sundays. You will agree with me that on the spiritual level you are not on the same page.

First things first, I need you not to look at the person as bad because we are a result of our environment. Maybe he or she didn’t have the opportunity you had or due to some things life as fashioned another pattern in the person. Until you are in that person’s shoe do not blame him or her. At the same time you should not just look over something as important as that.

I will not tell you to leave the person or cut all relationship with the person but I would advise that you don’t take an important step as starting a relationship with that person you can start out on a mutual base where you become a friend to the person and from there you discuss more about God do your thing and let the person see you do those things that matter to you.

 

Take note of this ‘do not force your values on someone else. As much as you want a future with that person, do not pressurize him or her into being who he or she is not rather, be the example, the change you want to see and let him or her change at will.’

This act will not only help you to know if you are supposed to proceed into a relationship with this person, it will also help you to see the person on a better level and by doing this you get to know if the person is progressive and ready to learn.

When you take this kind of step, two things can happen, either the person will withdraw from you or the person begins to see reasons in what you do and he or she begins to do these things consciously or unconsciously- which is a good one but I would like to point out that even after the person begins to do those things or begin to see reasons why they should cherish those things that of value to you do not be quick to act because some people can pretend as if they care. So, you really want to be sure that is what it is.

With all these said I would suggest that in all you do, “do unto others what you want them to do to you” So as much as you want to look into the person’s value and how it aligns with yours don't forget to also open yourself to the good values they have so that things can actually balance up.

 

Last week, I really had to let us talk about You and the important role you have to play in the whole relationship process. I must confess it was a great one. Today we are talking about another important way to know if that person is the one for you. 

 

I am sure that you have been with different people at different stages of your life, male and female alike. You have made friends and grown relationships with family members,  some stronger than others,  some are long lost and some are just growing. One thing that is peculiar to all of these relationships is that there was a reason or a season in life that brought you together with these people. 

There are many reasons for you being in a relationship with those friends of yours, but in a more intimate relationship, there is a little difference.

Now is the time to introduce today’s pointer.  Drum roll… 

Do you love him or her for a particular reason? 

Loving (just) because 

It is no longer news that there are a lot of people who love their partner just because he or she is nice enough to share what he has with them.  For some, it is more about their partner’s physical appearance, because she is short (arm rest height) & cute and you think that’s the best reason to love her or start a relationship with her.

Most people just look for the benefits they can or would derive from the relationship,  which should not be. 

We should always have it at the back of our minds that being in a relationship requires a good amount  of selflessness. Can you say you love the person without a reason? 

We should always remember that beauty fades, everyday is not Christmas so when you are looking into starting a relationship with someone, you need to look deeper and look past physical appearances, material gain, monetary gain and pleasure. These things should not be crossed off the list of what you should look for in a person but it should not be the basis of your choosing them.

You should look for other attributes that are more defining about the individual,  is he or she kind, patient,  understanding, progressive and ready to grow and learn,  does your value align? 

 

Do you see a future with him or her (this is a whole post you should wait for). This will help you get a better view at who the person is and you will be able to tell, to a certain extent, if you should start a relationship with him or her. 

I know that you’re a smart and intelligent person, that’s why I’m always eager to come join you at this table to talk about things as important as these. I hope that you have been able to understand that there is more to starting a relationship journey with someone than the peripheral gains.

Always remember, I love you and I can’t wait to join you here again next week to discuss more important things, love, laugh, smile, learn, munch our cookies or popcorn, sip our juice or tea or whatever it may be that you enjoy reading with. 

 

Hello love how are you today?

I hope you have been doing fine.Writing to you today again brings so much joy to my heart and smile to my face, having this little chat with you means so much to me and I hope it does for you too.

Today, we move to the last part of our How to Know If He or She is the one for you series.

It is so funny the way people go into relationship just for the fun of it these days. You see two people together who just want to while away time- how fun is that?

You see that person and you clearly know that there are no chances of you both ending up together as a married couple but you still choose to waste that time investing in what is not going to last- how interesting.

 Lolonyo is not just the community that helps you love but helps you to learn how to love yourself, how to love your partner and how to love others in a godly way. If that is the case let us then take a look at what it means to be in a Godly relationship. If you are with that person and you are considering being with him or her I would like to ask you- with the habits, behaviors and attitudes the person has do you see yourself being with the person at the long run? This is a very important question to ask, because God wants us to make maximum use of our singleness and not spend that time with the person you clearly see no future with probably because of the fun of it or because of the pleasure, money and material things you get from them. 

This question is one that people push over saying “we never can tell if we would end up marrying the person” A lot of people say things happen and no one knows tomorrow but the truth is that you should be with the person that you can see a future with.

If you don’t see a future with that person there’s no point starting a relationship with him or her because not only will you be wasting your time you would also be pouring your energy and resources into the wrong person all to end it after a while.

God intends for us to be in a purposeful relationship. His will is for us to come together not only to love on each other but also to look into the future together, to work on achieving our life purpose and building a kingdom family. 

if you do not see yourself becoming a better version of yourself, you don’t see yourself fulfilling your life purpose with that person, you don’t see yourself parenting with that person then there is no point setting yourself up for the pain.

Taking a stroll back to the beginning of this series:

In part 1 we discussed paying attention to how you feel when you are with the person.

Check: How To Know if He or She is the One For You (Part 1). 

In Part 2 we discussed about value alignment with the person.

Check: How To Know if He or She is the One For You (Part 2)

In part 3 we discussed loving without reason.

Check: How To Know if He or She is the One for You.

Here we are in the last part talking about seeing a future with that person and this is where we end this series.

Disclaimer: in choosing who to be with, there are more things to consider but for the purpose of this series, we will be stopping here.

I hope you were able to learn from this series and I do hope that with this few pointers you would be able to choose the right person.

I would also be glad if you can share with the community more points on how to know if that person is the one for you. Thank you.

Remember, love is beautiful and I love you. 

5 Tips on How to Survive a Relationship Breakup

It is so amusing how the term Breakup has been gradually replaced with Breakfast, especially in this part of the world. For the sake of our diverse readers, we will stick to the original term which is Breakup.

Many times when most people experience a breakup, it seems like the end of the world, especially in cases where they truly loved their partner. In most cases, ladies tend to cry while men stay sober and maybe drink so that they don’t feel the hurt, but the truth is that the hurt and pain still come back, bigger and harder. Most of the time, people tend to shut others out of their life and just remain on their own to feel the pain of breaking up.

While some people try to stay sober or drink or shut people out, some other people try to suppress the hurt that they feel and pretend as if nothing happened. One might think that is the best solution, but it is one of the worse things to do- not allowing yourself to feel the hurt of a breakup. Different people with different ways of dealing with their pains and hurt but in this post, I will be giving 5 tips on how to survive a breakup well and good.

Allow Yourself to Feel the Hurt but Not for Long 

It is very normal to think of our past relationship or ex even after your breakup with them and thoughts like this always come back, especially at times you are just on your own or you see the things or go to places where you both have been to. It is not wrong that after your breakup with your partner, you feel pained and sad. The pain will even be harder for someone who already has big plans and loads of expectations for the relationship and from their partner. But like I mentioned above, it is not good to try to push aside the pain and behave as if no shit just happened in your life. In the long run, things might keep getting out of hand. It is good to feel the pain, and cry if you need to. It is good to let out your emotions and not suppress them. As good as it is to let out your emotions, it is best not to allow yourself to spend forever in the past. The relationship is gone, and now in the past, so it is best to let it be, and move on. Hard as this may seem, it is one of the best ways to survive a relationship breakup. Feel the pain but know when to cut it off.

Focus on You

Breakups are so hard that they may want to take everything from you. Break up is ready to strip you of any strength you think you possess but the best thing to do at this time is to make yourself the priority. This is a very good time to not only focus on yourself but also pick up new hobbies, take yourself on a picnic, travel to new places if you can afford it, set new goals for yourself, exercise, take a course, volunteer, just have fun. While having fun and enjoying life the best way you can, make sure that you remind yourself of who you are, and say nice and positive things about yourself. Speaking words of affirmation to yourself, words that tell you how much you are loved will help you pull through the tough moments after a relationship breakup. As much as this is a time to have all the ‘me time’, all the fun, and discover new things about yourself, this isn’t the right time to jump into a new relationship. It is best to give yourself ample time to recover and heal from the breakup and all the insecurities and fear that might have come with it. Most people drag themselves into the same cycle of breakup over and over again because they feel lost and broken as an individual and I feel like having a partner or being in a relationship will heal them. Give your inner man the time to catch up on the fun things that could not be done when you had your ex in your life.

Reach out to Family and Friends

As much as this is the time to focus on you, it is also a good time to bond with your friends and family members, have all the time you can with them, and catch up on things that you couldn’t do while you were in that previous relationship.  During this time, have fun and go out with your friends, attend family functions, and spend time with your parents, siblings, and other extended family members. Help out and be useful. By doing this, you might be making them smile, thereby, making yourself happy too. Also, when you spend time with your friends and family, they help you to get over this period of pain by showing you love and care and letting you know that you are not alone. Bond!

Learn from Your Experience

After a breakup, it is good to let the past dwell in the past, but also better to learn from your past mistakes. Something that you and your ex did or didn’t do might have led to the breakup. It is better to use this to your advantage so that such mistakes will not repeat themselves in your future relationship. You can achieve this through the power of questioning. How to do this is to ask yourself a series of questions that will help you look deep into how you played your role and how your partner played his or her role and where it all went wrong. Sometimes, doing this alone might be hard as it will open up memories of the relationship hence, you should do this with the help of a therapist, coach, or counselor. They will be able to help you better trace the happenings in your life and past relationships and join the dot till you can make sense of it. In this way, you will also be able to heal from the hurt and insecurities that came out of the relationship with you. This will also help you to know how to be a better partner in your new relationship.

Move on 

n the process of trying to get over your breakup, different memories will surely come to mind. It might come from you seeing pictures of the person, you going somewhere that you have been with the person, or just seeing the person pass. Different things can spring up the thought of the person even silence. When these memories flash through your mind, you might be tempted to start stalking them on their social media account or stalking the person physically. You might even find yourself wanting to force yourself on them and this isn’t a good one to do. In other to get over these feelings, it is better to make sure that you constantly remind yourself why that relationship was no more conducive for you both and you must try to wave all the memories of the person when they come up in your mind. Although it is good to be on good terms with your ex, (depending on what caused the breakup) if you think seeing them will make things worse for you, it is better to unfollow them on your social media account and try to get rid of things that might remind you of them pending the time that you are trying to get hold of yourself.

 

Conclusion

Getting over a breakup isn’t a very easy thing to do, but it is a very good thing to do to avoid more of it repeating itself. Pay attention to yourself and your growth at this moment,  make sure that you trace the dots and observe the patterns so that you won’t have to make the same mistake time and time again.