Lessons from the Period of Singleness

The period of singleness is one that is very important in the life of every individual that looks to getting into a relationship in future. This period is one where you are to form a strong bond with yourself, know yourself and recognize your identity. It is only when one is able to recognize his true self that the right decisions about life, spirituality, finances and even relationship can be made. This period can never be over emphasized in the life of any single person, this period has the power to make you enjoy your relationship so well, if maximized.

Take a stroll with me and let us look at Tolani’s life and her little experience in Lagos. She went to Lagos to visit her friends who loves to have fun at all the available bars and clubs on their street. As usual they had to go out and have fun and Tolani decided to go with them this time. Little did she know that her friend are not only heavy drinkers but they also smoke. Tolani was offered a stick of cigarette, but she looked at them and smiled and said “I am not a smoker” … let’s move down to my point, Tolani could have said “I do not smoke” which sounds a little more pleasant, right? And she could have been convinced to give smoking a try, but she chose to answer them based on her identity- that she is not a smoker.

Far from smoking or drinking, the period of singleness like I said one where we have to recognize who we are by building a strong relationship with one’s self. When we work on understanding who we really are, we not only make decisions that affects us positively in our daily life, but we can also understand what we want our relationship to look like in respect to who we are, (if I am a preacher, I should actually look out for someone who is a lover of the gospel, so that together we can share the word), we will also be able to identify our fears, hurts from the past and insecurities and be able to heal from them if not totally, at least to a reasonable extent so that we won’t be a burden to our future partner, if this period is also well spent, we will be able to recognize our actual needs and also know how to communicate them to our future partners even if we don’t know them (our partner) well. It also saves you the stress of jumping from one relationship to the other.

But all these in the period of singleness? How do we know the right way to connect with our self and accept and improve our identity? By first building a strong relationship with a greater person that knows more about our identity, that is God, by allowing Him to instill in us everything that we need and that will mold us for what is coming ahead. Wait, I know this also might seem a little bit hard to but you really have to be ready for the process of God remolding and reshaping you into who you really need to become. You can also get mentors (in the spiritual and relationship aspect) that can lead you to understanding how to gain clarity about yourself and all aspects of your life including your relationship.

Know that relationship is not all about sex, pleasure, money, positions and all other peripherals, but to confirm this, and to make relationship more than just dating to break up or dating for the wedding day and then living to regret the whole process over and times again, know that there is a great need to be clear about who you are.

 

 

 Lessons from Singlehood

Being Single is a complete learning season in the life of a man. It comes as a gift and must be lived to its fullest. This is why it follows extreme wisdom to handle properly, what singlehood entails.

One basic lesson learnt in single hood is the knowledge that you must walk into God’s plan and be ordered into what He’s ordained for you. The season must be maximised because when it wraps up, no one can turn back the hands of time. Enjoy it while it lasts. There’s a time to be single and a time to be married.
 


Before you say, “I do” Understand that as a lady, you’re first the BRIDE OF CHRIST before you’ll become the WIFE OF A MAN. Isaiah 54:5 same for the guys. When the Scriptures admonish us to LOVE GOD…it is enough to make us have good relationships, in loving God you will fall in love with yourself, and only then can you love people as you should. The Holy Spirit gives us the capacity for divine love.

Before you say, “I do” Learn to be whole and secure. Sweethearts, you’re not defined by your marital status. Your life doesn’t start or begins the very day you start a relationship or get married, it has started since yesterday when you had your first cry. So hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love, but never dare put your life on hold for love. Your identity is not found in your relationship status but who you are in Christ Jesus.

Before you say, “I do” find true happiness in your life. Don’t wait for a mate to make you happy. Of course, two is better than one and your partner must be such a shoulder to lean on yet you must be a happy somebody. I shared with our married daughters that no husband can fulfill the ministry of the Holy Spirit in our lives. You must learn to be happy. Happiness is said to be a choice, this is the pathway to fulfillment in life and marriage.

Before you say, “I do” learn to build and enjoy friendship with your immediate family, friends, and neighbours.

A romantic relationship is not the only relationship you need in life. We are social beings, learn how to relate, and tolerate people. Social intelligence is very important. I watched a very hot-tempered lady fighting her little sister with harmful objects. In annoyance, she left for her fiance’s house and said angrily, “When am I leaving my Father’s house?” #smiling She thought getting married is a way of escape.

Before you say, “I do” Find a meaning to your life and get busy with it. Explore your talents and gifts, go after your interest and passion. What should you start doing? Stop delaying/postponing it. I dare you to start being a blessing to lives.

Before you say, “I do” God wants you to learn SELF-CONTROL. I know what it means to have urged as a single lady sometimes it gets so tense I had to pray in tongues. Why would God put this urge in my body when I am not allowed to have sex before marriage? It is to teach us self control. I and my husband have had times on the mission field where we couldn’t act husband_and_wife for a Month. #NoShow and we were good. Train your body.

More so, marriage doesn’t solve all your sexual issues/problems, please seek counsel and get healed before tying the knot.

Before you say, I do” embrace a mentorship relationship and be accountable to people who have spiritual authority over you. My husband was having counselling sessions with a married woman who reported how unruly her husband has been. Hubby asked her to report him to his parents, pastor or mentor to which she replied, “He doesn’t listen to ANYBODY and he has no mentor”

Who is your Father?
Prayerfully submit to a mentor.
Build quality Relationships… Family, friends, etc

Before you say, “I do” learn financial prudence. Who wants to marry a man who gambles with money? Who wants to marry a lady whose life investment is in a shopping spree?

Give yourself a nice treat but learn how to manage your finance. You’re not too old to have a piggy bank, savings, and investment schemes. Start learning how to draw a scale of preference/priority. Cut down unreasonable spendings.

Before you say, I do” understand that your marriage is all about the KINGDOM. Your marriage is ordained to be a blessing. There’s a lot God will achieve through the union of two people who are sold out to His Kingdom. God wants to model a GODLY MARRIAGE to the world, He needs your marriage as a Model. Be purposeful about your relationships.

 

7 Things to do While in Your Season of Singleness

Even after talking about the importance of self-identity, some of us still find it hard to believe that knowing yourself alone will help you get your dream relationship, well… hell no! that alone won’t do the job, but it is the most important part of everything, the foundation of the building which if not well laid will give rise to future problems. With this knowledge to run with, we can then say that there are other things that we should spend our time doing while we are single. And those things are what we will be talking about today.

1. Find Yourself

Self-discovery and self-identity can never be over emphasized. 

2. Meet new People

It is so easy to feel out of place especially if your friends are already in a relationship or if all the time relatives pressure you to get into a serious relationship. But one of the things to do is meet new people, make friends, but be careful not to get over intimate that you start to catch feelings.

• Spend time with married couples:

One might ask me why this point, but the truth is that if you spend time with married couples you will be able to know even more how shape your relationship, how you want your relationship to look like, what things might raise dusts after marriage and what ways to solve problems.

• Read:

If you are someone like me you might prefer more of audiobooks, but whichever way, entertain yourself and at the same time find a book/books on an area of interest and get to know more about it.

• Think of new habits and love your hobby: 

If there is any time to have the most adventurous life, it is the time of singleness, because the single life is all about you so have to take it as a time to know more about things that you love, things like shopping, swimming, eating, dancing, traveling and the likes. Know when you love doing those things and how much you enjoy doing them.

6. Enjoy Your Single Life

Being single can be really be a fun time in your life, yes fun time. Work hard and play hard, don’t let anything stand in your way of easing off the tension from all over and at this time you can take your time to learn more about the person of your dream, and take your time finding them. Enjoy your single life while it lasts.

7. Stay single: 

One of the best ways to also enjoy this period is to actually stay single as long as you need to get back yourself, the best way of being single is by being single. Take all the time you need till you are finally ready for the relationship life.

Conclusion

If steps like this can be followed you will not only enjoy the period of singleness, but you would have gotten yourself a ticket to having a great relationship.

 

How to Identify Red Flags in a Relationship

Red flags

We saw this red flag but then we continue thinking things will work out or because we feel stuck and we don't know how to walk out of it or the feeling of what will people think of me!

This is a big shout out to the men & women out there who know what they wanted and did not settle for less. I will talk about it later in the day.

7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Going into A Relationship

 

Three Ps You Must Engage in Your Relationship

 While it is true that there are many things that can help a relationship grow stronger,  there can only be a better summary for them all. This is why we have these three PS to cover everything that you need to grow your relationship. 

1. Praise your Partner.

There’s nothing as sweet as hearing your partner tell you sweet things about yourself. It’s so  sweet and it's better  than hearing it from someone else. If you have watched Laju Iren's mini-series titled  "During Ever After”, you would discover that the absence of that singular act caused a lot in their marriage. This is why you can just steal someone when you tell them something about them that their partner doesn’t.

2. Pamper your partner.

You don’t need to wait till you have so much money to pamper your partner. A gift in Data, airtime, money, etc as little or much as you can would do. Partners should not be stingy, thus helping each other to feel valuable.

When you’re broke, you should still give. That should be how much they mean to you.  Pamper them with the things they need and the things that matter to them.

3. Pray for your partner.

Please, pray, even if you’re single. You can possibly have a special prayer journal for them where you write and speak words into their lives. The truth is, if you are wrong with anything, it cannot be with prayer. 

One of the many things about prayer is that when it's effects come to happen in your relationship, you won’t be surprised because you have prayed about it before now— you’d just keep reaping the fruits.

Many relationships fail because they do not put these things in place rightly.  When you do, then, you would deserve its success. You won’t be confused and things would come easier than you thought. 

Book Review: My Minimalist Wedding by Blessing Abeng & Uwem

My Minimalist wedding is simply described as a guide to pulling off a 100 guest wedding with a 2 million Naira plus budget in Nigeria. 

First, here’s a shoutout to Cowrywise for gifting us this book in February 2022. 

One thing the book is that it calmed “my fears” if it’s proper to call them fears.

Two, the book is an adjustable template. The numbers, prices and everything else can actually

Also, the realities of the book are relatable. Man has the ability to adapt and  to bring the best results

No matter how wealthy you are, your pockets have limits. This is why budgets are made. 

Another beautiful thing I loved about this book is its practicality. Every action had practical points

As I wrap up this review, if you’re wondering why I’m writing a review on Blessing and Uwem’s “My Minimalist Wedding”, I can’t help your thoughts😂🫠. I’m sorry I can’t say if you’re right or wrong but whatever the case is, you’d be fine😂😃.

How to Discuss Money in Your Relationship

In 1st Timothy 6:10, the Bible says that the love of money is the root of all evil. However, money in itself is a requirement to successfully live the good life that you desire and your relationship is definitely included in that good life. 

There are many conversations on various matters that concern couples that at times, we forget that there is thee issue of money. Many people believe that money conversations, especially in a relationship are awkward. This is not true. Money is a crucial subject in every relationship and must be discussed with an open mind. When you feel awkward about such an important conversation, you would likely begin to shy away from it, and this can have adverse effects.

Keep the romance: Go on money dates
Though it is a money talk, you don’t want it to be all rigid and boring by making the atmosphere tense and setting a wrong pace for conversations. You can choose to have an affordable fun outing that ends up with dinner. Alternatively, especially if you are married, you can decide to cook each other’s favourite meals and have fun at that. The idea is to keep the atmosphere beautiful and calm.

Stick to a schedule
With so much happening around us these days, we can unintentionally forget even the most important things. In order not to fall into this 21st-century trap you should commit to reminding each other about the date in a fun way. You can step up your game by setting secret love alarms on your partner’s phone; popping up a few days to the date. The alarms should have short beautiful heartfelt messages and a reminder attached.

Discuss your money goals together

If you want to be serious about financial progress, you have to set goals. Starting an investment plan, together or individually, is a good way to realize your financial goals in a rewarding manner. If you don’t have financial goals you are building up for already you can set one and review on subsequent money dates. For reviews, you would both get to assess how well you are doing with your commitments and how to improve if there is a need to.

You can set up a joint savings account with your loved one, using Circles.

Start a budget game
Even though you might invest together, you would spend individually. A date like this presents a good time to assess individual spendings. It is a moment for individual reflections, and not a time to castigate one another. So take turns to speak and encourage each other to do better where there is slack. You can design individual budgets and grow together.

Taking out time to speak about your money would not only help improve your financial life but help reduce stress and anxiety according to Britney Castro; a financial expert. Also, it would help promote transparency between both of you and that would help strengthen your bond. You should get started with it and share your experience with us when you do; if you don’t mind.

10 Things You Can Do on Valentine’s Day to Make Her Fall in Love with You Again.

I won’t dispute the fact that it can be a lot of work to please your lady on valentine’s day. As much as this is true it can also be the same for men. Also, I totally agree that valentine’s day can be a tasking day. In this session of love, one of the problems men face is knowing what to do for their partner to make her happy and enjoy the day. This is even a tougher task for those that would not like to ask their partner what she would want for valentine’s day, they would rather like to surprise her and make her. Today’s article is just for you because not only will you get to know what to do for her on valentine’s day, you will also make her fall in love with you over again.

1. Give Her A Call

It is valentine’s day! what lady will not love to wake up to her man’s voice wishing her a happy valentine’s day? This is one of the things we can call a valentine’s day appetizer, when you are done with this you can send some more goodness her way. Trust me, this is not only about you calling her, it is more about you creating time for her even in whatever busy schedule you have. Watch her stylishly and proudly narrate it to her friends with joy on her face. 

2. Surprise Her

here, I need you to take some time to reflect on the things you have heard your girl talk about over and over again, what is that thing she cannot say enough of, what is that thing you even feel she nags about? That is the specimen to making this year’s valentine’s day a day to remember. This might mean you have to go out of your way, but since you will love to make her fall in love with you again, I think it is worth it, Do it for her! She might have been asking you to spend more time with her, or take her out, whatever it may be, valentine’s day is the best day to surprise her with that thing.

3. Send Her a Message

sending her a message to wake up to is another way to help start such a beautiful day. This will mean more to a lady that rarely gets an SMS from her partner. You can even decide to send the message during the day when you feel like she expects to see such a message least. Try this and see how valentine’s day will be lit with so much joy and love. We can call this another type of appetizer.

4. Pray for Her

if you feel that your lady is a lover of the Lord, you can choose to speak greatness into her being. She might even be surprised by this but she is going to love it. You can choose to do this over a call. You can decide to spice things up and make it a declarative prayer. With this, you get to speak greatness into her life and your relationship. You should try this one out. She is going to fall in love with you not only you spoke greatness into her life but because she probably never saw it coming.

5. Sing for Her

This sounds really funny, especially if as a man you don’t have the Bruno Mars or DJ Khaled kind of voice. You don’t think you have the Dunsin Oyekan type of voice. Here is what you should do, let her know that you would love to make her smile (at this moment she is going to be super curious as to what you are up to) then tell her to sit comfortably in a chair (we don’t want her to break her back while she is laughing), then play the song you want to sing her softly in the background then sing along (this is to help as a guide for your singing). I don’t know if you can feel it already but there is so much joy, laughter, and love in the air already. But if you are that man with the voice of a nightingale, carry on brother sing your way into her heart on valentine’s day and make her fall deeply in love with you just like you just started your relationship.

6. Take Her out on a date

for you, you can decide to call this your main course. Whoosh! I am sure with this you have already given her the best valentine’s day already. Bro, don’t panic. You don’t have to take her to the 5-star restaurant when you cannot afford to go that route. Again, here is what you can do. Tell her to prepare for a little date, take her to that restaurant you can afford. When you are seated, let her know that you are aware that she deserves to be taken out to someplace better than where you took her because she deserves really great things. After all, she is your queen but at the moment, you can’t afford the really big places but when the time comes, she is always on the top of your list. You don’t have to say it this way but you get the point. This way, you are not only making her feel loved, but you are also giving her more assurance that you see her. She will also feel her importance because of your vulnerability to her. One last thing bro, this is not the time to feel like you got everything together, be a little vulnerable with her.

7. Long Distance Relationship? Have a Video Call: who said valentine’s day cannot be super interesting for couples in Long Distance Relationship? If you can send a gift her way, great! You can then top it all up by asking her what time she will be free, then have a nice video call. It doesn’t need to be a very long one but if you both have enough time (which I advise that you create) you should appreciate her and her impact on your life since you started dating. You can even decide to initiate a review of how your relationship has been together since you started.

5 ways to keep a Long-Distance Relationship Alive.

 

8. Help Her with a Task: yes, because it is valentine’s day does not have her regular daily activities. Valentine’s day is one day to help her with a task that she needs help with as long as you are together. If you are in a long-distance relationship and the task is something that does not require your physical presence, you should also create time to do it for her.

9. Buy Her a Gift: yep, this is probably the first thing you were expecting me to say, here we are. buy her that gift. Just like taking her out, you don’t have to break a bank but get her something that you know she will love and be able to hold unto for a while.

10. Tell Her How Much You Love Her: trust me, this is one thing that most men don’t do often. Choose valentine’s day to tell her how much she means to you and how much you love her and don’t make valentine’s day be the only day you will tell her how much you love her. Make this a daily practice - remember the goal is to make her fall in love with you again and again.

Conclusion

Taking a close look at all the tips shared above, you would notice that all of them aim at satisfying the major need of a woman- to feel loved. Yes, every lady loves to feel loved no matter the difference in their love language. We want her to feel loved because that is the only way she can love back. I hope you get to make her fall in love with you again this valentine’s day. Remember to make every day your valentine’s day.

Love is Beautiful.

macy for LDRs (Bo5 reasons why keeping a joint relationship journal is essential for you and your 

Should You Spiritualize Everything In Your Relationship?

Yesterday, we discussed self-love before romantic love. I hope now you know that you are not selfish just because you are showing yourself care. Someone once asked me, ‘Do you think it is appropriate to spiritualize everything in my relationship?’ Trust me, the question was a tricky one but I ended up saying NO. 

Today, I will be sharing with you why I think you should not spiritualize everything in your relationship.

Spirituality has to do with your concern and dedication to God. It has to do with your love for God and how connect with Him. As children of God, we should understand that there is no part of our existence that we should exclude God from. In John 15:5 Jesus said: “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” Jesus Christ has already made it clear that if we are his and he is ours we will have a great life, a life that will show forth good things including good relationship. But the moment we detach from him, we can do nothing. Having a good relationship with God will help us to choose who to be in a relationship with.

Nevertheless, we must know that we have an unspoken 11th commandment- Do your will. God in His infinite goodness has given us the grace of free will to make decisions that we think are best for us. But in His wisdom and mercy, He has given us the Holy Spirit to direct us every time we need to make a decision. It is true that the spiritual controls the physical but with the presence of the Holy Spirit in your life you never have to make any bad decisions as long as you are willing you follow His instructions.

Failure to involve the Holy Spirit in all that you do is the beginning of problems in your life but your life including your relationship because you will make the wrong decisions thinking that you have done something right. Let me tell you a little about Brian and Mercy.

Both of them are Christians and have been courting for two years and four months. They attended a seminar where the speaker- Nicholson Jacklar mentioned that it is important for individuals to know their health conditions before they got married. A couple of days after the seminar they both decided to go for a medical checkup and they got to know that Brian is AS while Mercy is AC. One would expect them to know the right thing to do (seek counsel and find ways to go their separate ways) but they decided to pray about it because they are in love with each other.

The presence of the Holy Spirit in you will help you to know when to pray when to seek advice from experienced people when to be patient with your partner or when to communicate with him or her. Families crumble just because they are waiting on God to lead them when they are just supposed to help out their partner with something or listen to each other.

Yes! We need God in our relationship but we need to be wise enough to know when to act and when to wait. Not everything needs to be spiritualized. 

Love is beautiful and we can nurture it to bliss.

Who Should Say Sorry First in a Relationship?

Ever thought about why some issues get unsolved in a relationship- issues that could have been solved in a bit but lead to the ruin of the whole relationship. EGO! O yes, we all have egos, male and female, we do. There are times when we all feel like our partner doesn’t just understand. I mean, you are trying to state a point but he just doesn’t seem to get the point and this pisses you off. You try to make her see that you are right and she was wrong, that she made a very wrong assumption, but she is not even getting the point and this leads to feelings of anger, fear, resentment, jealousy, insecurity, and all other negative feelings.

Darling, all these happen as a result of ego. We all have to learn how to control our ego because if we leave it unchecked, it can cause tremendous turmoil in our relationship. I became so confused the day something as small as a greeting ruined a friend’s relationship. Of course, it couldn’t have been just a greeting, I mean what life does a greeting have in it to ruin a relationship of two years. So, it all started with a discussion of who is supposed to greet first when they meet, Tomiwa always greeted Kunle first when they meet, while Kunle feels like the guy in the relationship and just says a cool “hi, how are you?” it happened that Tomiwa got tired of the way she has to always run over to Kunle to greet him- he never greets her first, she feels like she is not valued. Then she decided to talk about it one night just 5 days before their second year together. Long story short, Kunle feels like he will be belittling himself to first greet his girl- she tries to make him see reasons he should consider doing it once in a while but he didn’t agree to any of those reasons. At last, the whole thing crashed, why? Kunle will never greet first and Tomiwa has decided to go on a greeting break. That became the end of their love story.

The moment you chose not to take responsibility for your mistakes, you have started opening doors for problems to creep into your relationship. Saying “sorry” means that you have chosen your relationship over your ego. Yet so many of us find it super hard to apologize and admit that we are at fault. Social psychologists have stated that an apology leads to forgiveness which can recover a spoiled relationship and may heal indignity. Apologizing is super essential because it helps to soothe all the frictions caused by a conflict in a relationship and build a connection between couples. When you apologize for your wrongs not only will peace reign but there will be an increase in the level of trust between you and your partner.

When you are sorry, mean it. “With every ounce of apology, there has to be ample sincerity.” Lolonyo (Nurturing Bliss).

“Deep regret goes further than just saying you are sorry. Deep regret says that if I could turn the clock back, and if I could do anything about it, I would have liked to have avoided it.” F.W. de Klerk.

 This is to say that when you apologize you do that by recognizing that you have wronged your partner and that you never had the intention of doing that. Be true about how you feel, what made you do what you did, and truly let them know that you will avoid situations like that in the future. For example, say “I am sorry I suddenly stopped replying to you last night, I didn’t mean to leave you on blue ticks, I fell asleep.” As much as you might want to think that sleeping off during a chat is just nature's call and not your fault, your apologizing will show that you didn’t mean to ignore the person. 

A lot of us just also want to say sorry passively while not taking responsibility for our actions. This is bad. It is only right to own up to one’s mistake and not try to be defensive about it.

The manner and timing are not only as important as sincerity but they should be carefully chosen. This will aid the way the apology goes and how it will be taken in by your partner. It is important to choose a time that both of you are free to talk and do well to also get rid of all distractions and make sure that your body language doesn’t speak something different from what you mean. But why the worry about how to sincerely apologize when the real thing is to figure out who is apologize

 first- it might just interest you to know that it would be as bad as not knowing who to apologize first if you don’t know how to apologize in the right way.

So, back to the question of who should go first. There is a need for us to know that in a relationship, there are times you have to make sacrifices and compromise just so that you can have peace in your relationship. There is no way to sugarcoat this, there are times when even when you are right about a particular situation, you just need to be a mature person and just apologize for peace to reign so that the atmosphere will be at ease and effective communication and understanding will take place. The truth is that it can be really hard to apologize for something that you didn’t do in the first place but when you look at the reason for you being together and you think about what truly is at stake, you will surely consider apologizing. Take Tomiwa and Kunle for example- in the process of telling Kunle that she doesn’t feel like she is valued or loved in the relationship, she might have yelled and nagged about it. The truth is Kunle might be at fault, but the moment Tomiwa noticed that things weren’t going well, she could have also admitted that she said somethings that are wrong and that could have wronged Kunle and apologized for them then think of the best way to put the whole situation out at that moment or later- she could have been the matured person. But they chose to not see through the whole situation.

In no way should this be a gender-sensitive matter- as long as you recognize that you need peace, go for it.

Never let your ego set in, be the bigger person. Save your relationship from avoidable stress.

Who should say sorry first? The more mature one should say sorry first.

How to Stand in God's Will for Your Relationship

At one point in time or the other, you must have heard or read something about God's will. However, there is always a new side in the understanding of God's will and the importance of standing therein. To begin, our anchor verse in Isaiah 55.8 reads:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.

You recall that a popular saying - Man proposes, God disposes? This may not directly mean the same as this verse, but then it is quite similar.

 

Man was created in the image of God. Everything by default was God replicated. However, since the fall, there was a change in systems. Man's thoughts, will and mind changed from the original. One way to know this is that by the default in creation, man was not expected to chase after things (money, relationships, career, success.. etc.) Everything was supposed to chase after man as long as he is focused on God. This is later confirmed when we were instructed to seek first the kingdom of God and its righteousness...

Since man fell, his mind and will began to chase after the things that were originally meant to follow him. This is where the issue of staying in God's will comes in.

Most times, when we try to chase after the things that should run after us, we trust our instincts and leave out God. In some cases whenever we choose to carry Him along, we leave His will and opinion as a Plan B. Standing in God's will basically means that you are rightly placed in God and positioned where He wants you to be. It means you have only Plan A and nothing else. It is only then that everything else can chase after you and fall in the right order.

This message is coming at a time when many individuals are not properly positioned for God's blessings as regards relationships. You cannot confuse God. A relationship outside God's will is a wrong relationship. If you chase that lady/man (outside God's will) from now till next year and she finally consents, you are still on your own. God's will should not be replaced by anything.

At this point, I know that you may want to ask or say something about the  permissive will of God. Truth is, the permissive will of God still needs His consent. In this case, you still have to ask His permission to go ahead. Falling totally out of God's will is the case where you strictly stick to your own opinion and trust your instincts to go on.

Let's head somewhere specific now. How Can one Stand and Remain in God's will? Finding, standing and remaining in God's will requires that you get three basic things right.

 

Get Understanding

Knowledge and understanding  Understanding opens up a level of grace that brings direction. Imagine that you visit a friend and you stand at the gate. The gate has a kind of security lock that you do not understand. If you stand before the gate  without knowing how to open it, you'd just keep wasting your time. Understanding gives access and allows the grace for directions to flow in. If you are seeking God's face to know His will over any matter, ensure that you understand what you are asking for. Knowledge and understanding comes through many ways. It is only necessary that you understand the part of God's will that you are coming to.

 

Get Direction

Many things come as a result of directions, but you can only get direction based on what you understand. In God's direction, you will find speed.

Take for example, you buy a car and do not know how to drive. If you get into the car and start the engine without knowing how to drive, you'd be ready to meet your saviour😂. But then if you ask directions, learn and "follow who know road", you will find yourself doing just the right thing and save your self from great evil.

 

Always Follow Directions

It is one thing to have knowledge and understanding. It is another thing to get instructions and direction. It is yet another thing to be able to follow these instructions to the letter. If you get into a city and you do not know the routes, you either ask direction and follow them or stick to your instincts and get lost. For many relationships alike, people choose to trust their instincts and head into the bush instead of following God's leading. The relationship gists you see online and social media advice is not enough reason to trust your instinct and jump into a relationship. Ask God for directions and follow them.

For another illustration, If you are writing an examination, you are tested on what you know and understand. However, that alone is not enough. The examiner will definitely give you instructions which you are meant to follow. If you are supposed to answer 4 questions and then you answer all, it may cost you marks and vice versa.

You must learn that Instructions are God's instruments to keep us in line with His will.

I think I have said so much already at this time and I trust God's spirit to treat these words in your heart just as it concerns you. Let me give a recap here quickly.

How to stand and remain in God's will

• Get understanding from God (Read books about God's will and how it works. Listen to sermons, seek counsel)
• Get directions from Him (through every means God communicates to you)
• Follow the directions (He did not give them to you so that they live in your journals forever)

I'd also like to mention a few things which are instructional too.

1. When you trust your instincts and go into a relationship outside God's will, you are simply settling for less. God's will is premium quality that you cannot afford to lose.

2. When you are outside God's will for your life and your relationship, you have everything to lose.

And lastly before we open up for questions, I'd like to assure you that God will never lead you anywhere outside His will. If He is leading you at all, it is only into His perfect will for you.

Sisi Salewa (Infatuation or Love)

Hey lovely, it is a beautiful day today and I hope you are enjoying your day? I appreciate your showing up again today. I am going to be telling you an interesting story today. A story about a young lady and her relationship life.

It was early in the morning around 6 am when Salewa jogged past him that faithful Saturday morning on the third mainland bridge. He was a tall, dark and handsome guy- Salewa’s spec on top of that, he was well built.

Six-packs - Check.

Broad shoulder - Check.

She melted at the sight of him as her heart raced faster than her legs had gone in the last 20 minutes that she has been jogging. Salewa seemed to be trapped in time, her feet could become so slow that a tortoise would have outrun her. She kept on staring at him till he faded out of her sight. Still facing his direction while she moved backward, she bumped into Tomide- a guy she met on her last trip to the Bahamas. Tomide stepping on her shoelace and hitting her shoulder, she popped like corn metamorphizing into popcorn at the same time regaining her consciousness.

What? They both exclaimed. Tomide whose running pace has been altered grabbed her and said, "Please! Watch where…" Before he could finish his sentence, he saw her face and immediately remembered her.

"You are the lady I meet on my last trip to the Bahamas", he said. Salewa gaining her ground again exclaimed, Tomide, right? And he nodded in affirmation. Salewa bending to tie her shoelace simultaneously asked, "What are you doing here?" Tomide, shaking his head left and right as if he was trying to shake down the answer down to his mouth answered, "I am here on a business trip that is going to last for the next 6 months, so let’s just say I am here to stay."

Standing up, she sighed heavily and said, you are welcome home. Still surprised at their meeting, they laughed and spent the next couple of minutes having a chit-chat about how the Bahamas was. Hearing her timer beep, she exclaimed, "Oh my God I am late!" 

Apparently, she had a program to attend. She rushed to say her goodbye as Tomide asked if she would like to hang out some other time, maybe Sunday evening. She agreed and they exchanged contact. She ran off smiling from ear to ear as she reminisced about the tall, dark, handsome and well-built guy she jogged past and all the memories she just shared with Tomide. She said to herself, "what a good day today is going to be". 

(Sigh) What if I told you that Salewa is a sister of mine and you need to pay attention and learn from her story because there is a lot to learn from it and because she shared it with me. Lol… Snap out of it! I only wish I have a sister called Salewa but I don’t. I am sure you enjoyed the story up until this moment. Thank you for traveling with me from wherever you are to the third mainland bridge. I hope you enjoyed the ride?

Join me tomorrow as we find out what happened when Salewa meets with Tomide the next day. Till tomorrow, keep smiling and say to yourself “love is beautiful and I will nurture it to bliss”. I love you. 

Part 2

The day was Sunday and service was awesome. The pastor preached about love and forgiveness. All through the service, Salewa could not get herself to stop thinking about the previous day and all that had happened which was as good as not being in the church. She was so absent-minded. Thoughts about how the tall, dark, and handsome guy jogged past her, his skin tone and his broad shoulders kept playing in her head. She imagined herself on a date with him and both of them jogging together. That she did till the end of the service. A couple of hours after getting home she got a call from Tomide reminding her of their hangout and where to meet. 

Fortunately for her, Tomide lived in an environment close to one of the best malls in town and as they walked into the mall Kola and Tomide saw each other from afar, exchanged friendly greetings, and talked for a moment. Guess who Kola is? The talk, dark, and handsome guy from the other day. Salewa’s face instantly lit up like a light bulb and she was so eager to be introduced by Tomide. She was barely able to keep her composure through the introduction, as soon as Kola left them and they walked into the restaurant in the mall, Salewa could not stop talking about how much she loved Kola and how she would do anything to make him happy. 

Tomide, still wondering what was happening made things worse by saying: I never knew you were into him but he lives right next door to me. She made it her mission to visit Tomide so she could find out where Kola stayed and she succeeded in doing that. The next day after work she hurried to grab a bottle of wine with the intention to visit Kola and make friends with him. Getting to his house, she introduced herself as Tomide’s friend and claimed she just wanted to say hello. Kola with a smile on his face let her into the house and offered her a seat. They had chatted for a while when Salewa mentioned that she jogged past him two days ago on the third mainland bridge. She also used that as an opportunity to express how she feels about him. Salewa expressed her “love” for him the best she could but somehow, he finds that hard to believe and with good reason, considering they’ve only just met and known almost nothing about each other.

But what do you think? Is Salewa truly in LOVE or is she just INFATUATED with Kola? Let me know what you think about the comment session. Till tomorrow, keep in mind that I love you and that love is beautiful. Let’s nurture it together.

12 Questions Every Courting Christian must Ask in their Relationship

As much as you feel like you have a good knowledge of your partner before you started dating, it is important to note that you can never fully know a person in the time you are looking to be in a relationship. 

In this article, we will be discussing 12 questions that every courting Christian must ask in their relationship. Couples need to learn about each other so that the relationship will grow healthy. As a Christian, your values need to align with those of your partner, hence the need to ask important questions. 

At the same time, all the questions in this article are all to be asked with an open mind to know more about your partner. I will advise you not to exhaust all these questions in a single conversation especially if your partner is not aware that you have a list that you are running through. Do not criticize your partner if an answer he or she gives you does not sit well with you. Remember, each question is aimed at you getting to know each other better. 

1. Tell me about your personality

This question is aimed at getting to know your partner’s temperament this is a very important question that a courting Christian should ask so that you will know how to relate with your partner in the relationship and marriage.  

2. Tell me about your three closest friends: 

it is often said that the life, progress, and growth of a person are determined by the first five closest people to them. Asking to know your partner's three closest friends will help you to get to know more about him or her. 

Read: 

3. Tell me about the best day of your life: 

We all have some days in our lives that we cherish so much. These are days we call the best day(s) of our life. Getting to know the best day of your partners' life will also leave a clue as to what they cherish the most. 

4. Tell me about your prayer life

as a Christian, your relationship with God should be a top priority, this should also be the case for your partner or a person you're thinking of having as your partner. A person who's truly centered their life around God would not for any reason seek to displace God for anything else in their relationship. Now one of you will most likely have a more stable relationship with God than the other but where there's a will there's a way and remember, iron sharpens iron. 

5. What are your most prized values: as a Christian, you want to be sure that your values align with that of your partner to avoid future clashes in your relationship. For instance,  if you hold integrity as one of your core values,  you want to be sure that your partner is also a person of integrity.  

5 Things You Should Know Before You Start Dating 

6. Tell me about your parents' relationship while you were growing up: This is another important question every courting Christian needs to ask in their relationship. It is important to have a knowledge of how your partners' parents were in their relationship with each other this is because the way love was shown to and in front of your partner while growing up will determine your partner's perspective on what love means how it should be expressed.  

7. Who is God to you: This is a direct but essential question you should ask in your relationship as a courting Christian. Your partner's knowledge of who God is to him or her will show in the way he or she answers this question and this can also serve as a pointer to how much your level of spirituality will be even in marriage.  

8. How is your relationship with your parents: One of the commandments that were laid down to us by God is to honor our fathers and mothers. The person you are in a relationship with must be on good terms with his parents and family because this will be a determining factor of how well you will be welcomed in his family. It will also determine to a large extent how he or she will relate with your family members.  

9. What is your opinion about sex outside of marriage: no courting Christian should ever skip or overlook these questions as both must be on the same page when it comes to how you perceive sexual matters. One of the things that courting Christians are always reminded of is the need to abstain till marriage. This question when asked will help to avoid future clashes on personal beliefs. 

10. What are your hobbies: This question seems random and simple but you must know the things that your partner loves to do as it brings a better understanding of your partner and things that could help bring more life to your relationship. 

5 Ways to Keep a Long Distance Relationship Alive

11. Tell me about your past relationships: just like a person's relationship with their parents, past relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners plays a huge role in determining their perspective towards their present and future relationships. Knowing what their past experiences have been would help you understand why they are the way they are to a good extent and could also help you know what to watch out for so they don't reveal past experiences. With this, you also know how you can help them get over certain things from their past too.

12. Why do you want to be in a relationship with me: You might be thinking that the answer to this should be pretty obvious and even if it is not whoever the 'aspiring partner' is would probably come up with some sweet things to say to get you interested in them too but it's always important to know a person's intentions before starting a romantic relationship or at the very least, very early in the relationship. If their answer doesn't sit well with you then you know what answer to give and if in the course of the relationship they begin to act contrary to what they said at the start you know something probably changed or wasn't right at the start can approach the situation wisely.

Are there other questions that came to mind as you were reading this post? Share them with us in the comment section. 

Other Posts:

5 reasons why keeping a joint relationship journal is essential for you and your partner.

2 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Sex and Sexual Activities Before Marriage

Should You Spiritualize Everything in Your Relationship

Self-love before Romantic Love

Infatuation or Love?

Sisi Salewa 2 (Infatuation or Love)

Sisi Salewa 1 (Infatuation or Love)

5 Major Turnoffs to Avoid in Your Relationship

Èmí Ògá (The Spirit of the Boss 2)

Èmí Ògá (The Spirit of the Boss 1)

Let's Talk About You. 

5 tips for Better Relationship

Love is Important

My Love Letter

Having an Opposite-Sex Bestie friend

Friendship in a Relationship.

Privacy in a Relationship 

Who Should Say Sorry First?

Communication in a Relationship 

Relationship Gist (Things Couples Should Talk About in their Relationship)

5 tips on how to survive a breakup. 

Being with the right person 

Couple's Gist 

7 Pointers to a Healthy Relationship 

Before You Think Relationship

 The theme of the conference was Redefining Purpose. 

Then I thought to myself why would I let this go without sharing it with you? So, here we are. Just as the title of this post is, the topic of our new series is Before You Think Relationship.

It is true that a lot of people jump in and out of relationships without taking time to ask the question, “Am I Truly Ready For This?” Because of this single act of not asking or taking their time to check if they are ready, they go through so much hurt, stress and pain. Because you are a member of this community you have a head over them because you will know the important things to do and think about it before thinking relationship and if you have made that mistake before the last one you made will surely be the end of it- only if you follow these simple steps that we would be sharing here for the next four to five weeks.

Moving down to today's point:

Before You Think Relationship, Think God.

Yes! you have to always think God because He is the core of our being and we are nothing without him. However, you need to know that it is  impossible to build a sustainable relationship without God. With this knowledge we can agree that without God there is no strong and successful relationship. 

The truth is that we have to learn how to love and receive love from God before we can successfully love someone else. The scripture mandates us in Mathew 22: 39that “we should love our neighbor as ourselves” and the scripture also states the qualities of love in 1st Corinthians 13: 4-7. When you learn all these qualities of love as was stated in 1st Corinthians 13: 4-7 in your relationship with God, you will be able to pour yourself into loving your partner.

Albeit, you want to have a fun relationship you should always have it in your mind that the standard of your relationship should be nothing less than the expression of God’s glory. If you are able to think of love and relationship in the view of God’s relationship with us you will be a step further to knowing if you are truly ready for a relationship. I can’t wait to chat with you again next week. I love you, and remember. (Lolonyo) Love Is Beautiful.

Last week we started a series on 'what to think before you think relationship' and today,  we will move to the second section of the series. Last week, we spoke about building a relationship with God first; before thinking about entering into a relationship as one of the essentials to carry out. A built relationship with God, will help you be able to build better relationships with your future partner and everyone around you.

This week before you think relationship, think purpose.

    No human is a result of excess clay, we are all on the planet earth to fulfill a certain purpose and if the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. You were created by God to be a coworker with him, to do different assignments per time, and to finally fulfil the big purpose. Purpose on the other hand is a compilation of  assignments in different seasons. There is a need to know your purpose on earth before you think of getting into a relationship and trust me, the understanding of this will bring you peace; because you will be able to know who you are suppose to be in a relationship with (not only that), you will be able to positon yourself in order to receive the right set of people into your  life.

I know 'this all unending discussion of  purpose' might sound cliché, it still remains the truth. A knowledge of your purpose will help you to know how  to live your life and the kind of people you should work and walk with in your life. The person you choose to spend the rest of your life with or to go into a relationship with has the power to help you fulfil your life purpose. That person will be there to spur you on and help you achieve more goals over time.

If you are a person that takes personal growth serious, going into a relationship with someone of like mind will ignite more fire between you. The both of you will always have things to talk about, you will have reasons to connect on a deeper level and you will never run out of things to discuss. On the other hand, lets say to a good level you know what assignments you need to be carrying out at a moment in your  life; but you choose to walk with someone who does not even see life in such light (i.e. a slacker) as you do: the effect of that persons' thinking will definitely rub-off and influence your life negatively.

Supposedly. you don't even know what your assignments and purpose is at this time in your life, but you just want to jump into a relationship, that will be an unwise decision because you might just be setting yourself up for a lot of stress. Hence, it is good to think purpose before you think relationship, so  you will be in a good relationship that would add good value to you.

       Enough of this know purpose talk, how can you know this purpose of yours?

By knowing God!!!

YES! The knowledge of God will help you know your purpose because God has the manual to your life and he made you. This takes us back to last weeks post, think God and know purpose, then think relationship. You can build your relationship with God by getting to know Him more through the scriptures and always remember to speak to him consistently.

 For the past two weeks we have been discussing “What to think before you think relationship” So far, we have been able to talk about two things to think about before thinking relationship: God and Purpose, to know more about them click Here and Here .

When you think God and think purpose the next thing you should think is You. Remember our gist about You? In case you have forgotten then Let's Talk About You 

Before you think relationship you need to have a knowledge of who you are, know your personality, your temperament your likes and dislikes, you need to know how you are wired so that in choosing the one for you are able to choose right. In a relationship you need a partner that will compliment you and not compete with you. When you know yourself you will be able to know how to go on a journey of relationship with that person that would complement you instead of compete with you.

One of the ways to have a successful, purposeful and fulfilling relationship is to know yourself. A good knowledge of who you are will help you to recognize your needs and know how to communicate them to your partner. It would save your partner the need to figure you out or crack a puzzle about knowing you. It would rather come easier because you know how you want to be loved (love language) you know your strengths and weaknesses, what you like and dislike and when you properly communicate these things with the person you will be a step ahead of someone who doesn't even understand his or are self let alone be able to communicate their needs.

 It is only true knowledge of yourself that you able to support your partner and your relationship well. So, Think You.

Part 4

Welcome again to another week on our community blog where we share great insight about how to be in a Godly relationship and how to be the best support system to your partner.

How on earth will I forget to ask you how you are doing. So, my darling how have you been? Really,  talk to me I would love to hear from you. 

We are gradually moving to the end of our series and I must say it has been great writing to you each week since the start of this series- Before you think relationship. We have discussed: Before you think relationship Think God, Think Purpose, think You and today is all about Thinking Your Partner.

I know you might be wondering what partners since you probably don’t have one yet and you are just looking to get a good one. You might even have but you just want to know more. You need to have it at the back of your mind that even before you finally get to meet that partner of yours, you must have a foresight of who he or she is. This is not a foresight into the physical features of the person you want i.e Not how tall or short, dark or light the person looks, not even how the person talks. But a deep insight into who the person is or will be. Let’s break this down the only way to truly have an insight into whose person is by building a relationship with God in prayer and meditation.

Note: Not all prayers you say now areally for the things you need now it happens most of the time that you are only speaking into your future.

When we talk about having an insight, it is about praying for that unknown partner of yours. Speaking into his or her being the kind of person you want him or her to be. When you pray to God about how you want the relationship of your future partner to be with Him (God), at the same time you pray about how you want is emotional and financial life to be (in line with God’s will for you), you are not only speaking into the life of that person wherever he or she is, you are also giving yourself a great insight as to what kind of person that  partner is. When you finally see him or her you are truly able to know that you can give relationship a try with the person.

P. S: You might want to ask me; how do I know if what I am praying for is the right thing or person I need in my life. I am happy to tell you that we all have a spec. Yes, you might want to say you don’t but if you were asked there are attributes that a person will possess that will make you not want to enter a relationship with Him or Her, not because you hate the person but because the person will not help you in your life’s journey. I hope you get it now that you have a spec.

On the other hand, thinking your partner also means understanding that as humans of different sexes and genders, we are wired differently. So, before you think of a relationship try to understand that the person you will be in a relationship with is a totally different person from you. 

Even though it has become a saying that all men are scum, you should know that there are still a lot of loyal and supportive men out there. It will only be safe for you to get rid of the way you think about men as a lady so that you won’t ruin a good relationship with your minds conditioning. Same goes for men, if you are found of thinking that all ladies love only men that have money  you will have to reverse that mindset so that you will not lose something good ahead of you.

Understand that different genders are wired differently and so are different individuals. Have the right mindset and pray about the person then I will see you next week when we will move to the last part of our relationship gist. Before you think relationship, think your partner.

t.ow To Know if He is The One for You (Part 4)et's Talk About You.ips for Better Relationshipe is ImportantLove LettHaving an Opposite Sex Bestie friend

Communication in a Relationship 

Relationship Gist (Things Couples Should Talk About in There Relationship)

5 tips on how to survive breakup. 

Being with the right person 

Couple's Gist 

7 Pointers to a Healthy Relationship 

Relationship Gist (Things couples should talk about in their relationship.)

 

Before we move forward, it is important to remind us that communication is the foundation of every relationship. For couples to grow and learn more about who their partner is, they have to always communicate and pay rapt attention while doing that. While some couples believe that communication should not be something that couples do daily, some couples believe that it is essential for their relationship to be healthy but the problem is that they seem to run out of ideas on what to talk about when they are with their partner.

Related Post: 4 Tips for Effective Communication in Your Relationship. 

At the start of the conversation they go all, how are you?, how was your day?, what did you eat?, are you ok? And that is all, they have run out of things to talk about. But in every relationship, there has to be something called Intentional Conversations.

Intentional conversations are the kind of conversations that couples should engage in. Some call them The Serious Talk. 

They are discussions pertaining to your future, your aspirations and goals and that of your partner. Remember, the goal of effective communication is to help us know our partner better. You cannot say you know your partner if you are not aware of their life goals and aspirations.

Intentional Conversations in a relationship will help both partners to recognize the aspect(s) that their partner will need them most in their relationship and in achieving some of their goals. 

So, when we talk communication in a relationship, we talk of having conversations about our life's purpose as individuals, the purpose of the relationship, individual growth process, talks about the type of family you would like to have, spirituality in the relationship spirituality as individuals and the likes. 

If you are in a relationship and you haven't talked about those things listed above and more, Wow then you have got a long way to go. But it is not too late to start Intentional Conversations in you relationship. 

Having intentional conversations in a relationship helps the couple to know the stage they are individually and as couples, what to work on, how to help each other grow, it also gives an insight on what your partner thinks about a particular thing. Intentional conversations set the pace for the achievement of certain things in the relationship. Intentional conversations make you confident that you know your partner. Intentional Conversations help you grow your relationship to maturity. 

Related post: 7 pointers to an Healthy Relationship