FAQs About Relationships
1. Is It right to Date Someone My Family Doesn’t Like?
First, what’s the reason why your family doesn’t like that person?
Identify and Weigh the reason. Thereafter, pray to God about it. Not everything word or opinion from family should be taken hook, line and sinker especially when it comes to something relating to your faith and relationship. Ask God what He wants you to do before you go on and weigh the reasons well. Are there things you truly should look out for in your partner? Do you need space and time to turn those things around? Again, Weigh the options and fix it through prayers, together.
2. I don’t feel safe talking to someone about what’s going on. I had to push myself to saying this. I'm in a relationship with a lady who emotionally abuses me. What can I do?
Talk to her about it. We cannot underestimate the importance of talking about things in a relationship. Talk to them about it and see why they do what they do and help them grow beyond doing what they do to you. Also pray for them and with them. Truth is,, it can be really unintentional sometimes. You never can tell. Pray for them to discern really when they do something that seems abusive to you or they deny you of things you really think you both should have sat to agree about.
You can also talk to their spiritual parents. As couples, whether courting or married, you both should know each other’s spiritual mentors and be able to relate with either when you have issues that are beyond you.
Lastly, talk to your joint spiritual mentor. Talk to someone both of you are accountable to. It would save you a lot of stress.
PS: if you don’t have spiritual parents/mentors, talk to her local church pastor.
3. Is it right to date an older lady?
You decide what is right or wrong for yourself. If you mean, “is it scriptural?”, the scripture does not give us a definite level or age measurement as to a relationship. It doesn’t tell us whether or not the woman or man should be older. If you would be comfortable with a partner in a particular age range, you can speak to the Lord about it. It doesn’t mean you cannot date anyone despite the age. What matters really is if the person is a believer and takes the word of God with high esteem and reverence.
4. We always argue. Should we break up?
Breaking up is not an antidote to frequent arguments. In as much as we always have disagreements with people around us, we should always find a way out of it to solve and suppress the whole thing.
What do you do when you both argue;
a. Calm down while the other person rages, it sends a signal to that person to also be calm.
b. Talk about it and come to a compromise or an agreement as to what should be or not.
c. Give yourself enough time to get to know yourself. 5 years of courtship would not give you the full handbook of your relationship. You keep learning as the day goes by. What your partner loves and does not.
Again, remember that you are two different individuals coming from different backgrounds and with different ideologies - it’s pretty too hard to change a system. So, you have to sit and talk all the time and agree to make sacrifices.
5. Who is a soulmate? Does the whole soulmate thing really exist. How do Souls tie?
Yes, it does. A Soulmate is one with who you bond with totally Usually, the bonding process is tied in the spiritual bonding, emotional bonding and then physical bonding (sexual relations later in marriage). This is why there are soul ties. It stems from the existence of soulmates. Souls tie through Spiritual bonding, Emotional bonding and Physical bonding. These are the three basics. You can check this recent post to read about this.
If there are soul mates, does it mean if you do not get your soul mate for a life partner, whoever you get is a substitute, is that it?
No. It's not in everyone's case that there is one specific man or woman packaged and assigned from heaven. If there is such divine arrangement from heaven, there will surely be a divine arrangement to make them meet on earth. In other cases, when you find peace in your heart as regards the relationship, you can go on and begin the bonding process. This is where you become soul mates. In other words, you become soulmates when you both start to have the tingling thing in your heart. That’s the soul tying thing. It then moves on to the Spiritual and Physical and that’s how you can sense what’s wrong with her or him from anywhere without having to ask or you get a leading to pray for her. Or your head spins when you see him or her or you just feel like swelling up when you’re around them.
Does commitment have a boundary in relationship?
Commitment in a relationship must be total and with wholeheartedness. This means that you can not be partially committed in a relationship. The roots of love births in Christ yields commitment to that relationship. It is similar to a fee you pay so that you can continually be involved in doing something.
Can I date my best friend? I did not hear anything or see any vision. I just like her.
Going into a relationship with anyone requires *clarity*. As a child of God, it is advised that you are clear, have peace at heart and instructed to go into a relationship. It is not best to just test run everywhere... However, not everyone is privileged to see visions or hear God audibly as such. Not everyone is privileged too to have spiritual guidance over choices. It is advised you have God's peace as regards the matter. If she is willing too, you can proceed. Also, being a Christian is not enough eligibility for the person you want to go into a relationship with. Be sure that that’s who God wants for you. Psalm 127 makes us understand that except the Lord builds a house, the builders build in vain. Be sure God is giving you a go ahead.
I love her but she does not reciprocate. I think she's forming hard girl. What can I do?
You really need to calm down. You may need to give her some time so that you don't crowd her heart and thoughts. If you don't, she may be pressured to say a yes and in the long run, it would not go well. Also, I'd advise you pray about it. You'd save yourself so much stress when you do.
How should ladies handle a relationship where the guy is younger in age?
You should handle it like you would if he was older. Age should not be a determinant of how you treat your partner. There’s no manual for age difference in relationship. Love, honour and care for your partner no matter the age. Hold the word of God as a constitution for your relationship.
It is said that you should marry your friend as friendship is a necessary ingredient for a marriage to work. What do you do when you and your partner are not just exactly best of friends, you don't share a form of strong bond and emotional intimacy, the love doesn't seem so solid, communication is not very solid and the relationship is over 3years.
In this case, you both have a lot of talking to do. I really don't know how people have best friends outside their relationships. Please hold your partner well and talk through a way both of you can strengthen your bond and emotional intimacy.
See movies, cook together, go out together, travel for fun, sing together, do weird things together, just anything to help you both know each other better.
Three years is a long time for you to be with your partner and not be best of friends but it’s not too late to bring up the spark. Initiate things that’d bring you both closer and see them through.
You both have to be deliberate with it and PRAY TOGETHER. It helps you both discern easily where the problem is and how to tackle it. Let me use my relationship as a case study. One of the things we did (and still do) was journal together.
We had a book where we conversed with even after talking for long in the day, we still wrote in the book and sent it to each other. It helped our communication. So, we explored using chats, phone calls and journal and it made us note a lot of things about ourselves we never knew and also share as much as possible. You can try it out.
14. What do you do when you have not been able to get over a wrong your partner you know you're meant to be did to you. A case whereby you keep remembering wrongs of emotional abuse, cheating or some hurtful thing?
One reason why it looks impossible to get over this wrong is Fear- that your partner could do this same thing again. It becomes a great trouble because it could affect subsequent relationships if not properly dealt with.
What to do?
1. Pray. You can never over emphasize prayer especially when you are dealing with people. Scriptures say the hearts of kings lay in the hands of God. You can remote control such person in the place of prayer and halt future occurrences. You two also need to talk to fruitfulness. It is one thing to discuss and talk about the issue, telling out your insecurities. It is another to talk productively. Ensure that you do these two. If it's not yielding, then you can speak to your joint mentor (if you have one) or someone you know he listens/obeys.
If nothing happens after this, kindly leave the relationship with the permission of God. It's best to have a broken relationship than a broken marriage.
15. Is it right to date/court my Friend's Ex? Do I have to inform them when I want to?
You really do not need anybody's permission to go into a relationship. They probably broke up because they had incompatibility issues, and that should not bother you. The fact that it didn't work out well for them doesn't mean it would fall the same way for you. However, if you are quite close and you feel the need to tell them, you may do so after praying about it.
16. There is a lady who is interested in a guy (friend) but he doesn't notice. How can she express her interests in him? Is it wrong for a female to show interest in a guy or ask him out?
In Proverbs 18:22, He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour of the Lord. Also, in Genesis 2:24, a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife. By these, it is scriptural for the man to take the first step. However, our society has a way to ask you to shoot your shot. In most cases, this involves giving signs and signals to the guy. My advice to a lady who is in this situation is to ask God to place it in the guy's heart while she moderately places her signals. Whatsoever happens, do not make a direct first move so desperation doesn't set in. This however, does not mean that a woman should wait on her lover to receive love.
17. How Can You Pray For clarity over a relationship or situationship where your feelings are already involved.
When feelings and emotions cloud God's word in a relationship, you must know that God has been replaced. It's tough to displace emotions at this point. However, you eventually will by making conscious efforts to go back and ask for God's words over the relationship. You may need a break from it. When you're sure of what God says, you may return or do otherwise. You can also choose to seek spiritual advice and insight, but make sure you hear from God yourself. Your assurance/words from God is your legal tender when things go wrong in your relationship.
Can someone a person has zero feelings for end up being God's choice for a person's life? A guy has been asking me out for a while now, but I don't feel anything for him. I am even afraid to talk to God about him, before I hear, "he is the bone of your bone."
Answer: It is possible. I had ZERO feelings for Babe when I knew he was the one. He didn’t even mention that I go to be so sure first (he knew, but he wasn’t sure) and at the time, I just liked him as a friend and the fact that we never fought was amazing. I argued so much with God because it was a direct word. More like God asking you out already on his behalf and I did a lot of _shakara_ because I didn’t have a thing for him. I had to prayed to God to help me love him long enough before he comes to meet me. So, I started to love him and pray for him and deliberately fix him as a part of my life without him knowing. I was subtle with it and not so all over him. Then, I fully loved him and do it was so easy to say yes when he came to meet me.
What should you do?
Pray to God first about it. You can’t run away from your father. Whatever God says, deliberately pray about Him and move with God and let Two Become One. I don't know why you don’t want him to be the one but we are all submitted to God’s will and He won’t put you in a wrong condition.
What if someone you are in a relationship is not convinced about you? What do you do?
I don't know the basis on which you both got into the relationship but I suggest that you both give the relationship time, talk and pray about it. If possible, fast too. Let God open his/her eyes to see why you’re the one. Until he gets the blueprint, you might have to put the relationship on hold. If you’re single, this is are questions you should never fail to ask:
1. Why is God telling you it’s me?
2. What kingdom purpose are we fulfilling together?
3. What role have you come to play in my life?
4. Who would you see me as.
Please, whoever this is, do a redefinition and evaluation on the relationship.
How do you maintain the sparks in your relationship?
You shouldn’t think that you’d have all the spark in your relationship every time. There are times when challenges will come but you have to talk about it and solve it. You two should agree to keep the spark. For me, the first year of our relationship, we took our mantra as “Fresh Love”; nothing dies, nothing gets uprooted. It helped us so much that we really could not do but always resolve whatever came through to us. You should also agree that you’re both two different individuals. While he prefers to drink the tea and eat the bread, I prefer to dip my bread in the tea. While he prefers to bath before going out to the closest place, I can quickly go out without bathing and we had to deal with a lot of those and accept that we can learn to agree or compromise many times when that clash comes.
Again, give your time to each other. This can be really tough but when you take your partner as a part of your schedule and life, it becomes really easy. You might not get to talk all the time but use the little time you have together. Also avoid taking third party opinions hook, like and sinker. A lot of times, a “Hey babe, I heard this could work for us, what do you think?” could be what we need. We have our boundaries with people outside our relationship because it’s ours not theirs. Be your best friends. This is so important. Nothing beats this. Share your secrets, play silly, fart around each other😂 and have pet names and take silly pictures that should never leave your phone together😂. Just be partners in crime.
What is your view about online dating sites?
Online Dating sites have positive and negative sides. I learnt there are a few christian dating sites too. All of these are developed with the same intent as basic social media- connecting people. Just as people get to meet each other on facebook and other social media yet form beautiful marriages in the end, you could use those platforms and be fine. However, follow due process and be sure to hear from God.
Is butterflies and excitement about your partner a prove of love? If they are not there, what do you do? Is it wise to go ahead with the marriage?
Many things can be done to prove that you love someone. Excitement about your relationship is one of many that helps you bond properly. So, if you are not happy about the relationship, there is a big problem. You should not get married to your enemy and much more, it is not a good idea to get married into unhappiness. God's thoughts towards us are of good and not otherwise and they are intended to give us a good future. You can talk about it with your partner. You can also pray about it too. If it persists, kindly leave. Your happiness and a good future is God's priority. If you heard God's words as regards the relationship, you will always be excited about it.
What determines accountability in a relationship?
Depending on the closeness you have with your partner, accountability won’t be a big do in your relationship because now you understand the power of being together, being best friends and praying to God together. You now know your big goals and purpose, you know where you align with each other in God and accountability can be really smooth.
How do you manage being physically intimate with all the emotions that keep flying around? How far is too far to go with your partner? Can you cuddle for long, peck each other and perhaps kiss without the whole touch thing. If you kiss alone and you guys are careful for it not to lead to anything more, is it wrong?
With everything flying around, and weather for two, it’s easy to want to feel like doing stuff, cuddle, kiss and do all that. Notwithstanding, you have to do things with the consciousness of God. What you’re about to do or feel like doing, can you do it if God was seated before you? Let’s not even go far, can you do it while a human being is before you? If you can’t, desist.
Is it right for my partner to go on a date with another guy?
As a guy or lady, you should trust your partner to the point of not doing anything to hurt the relationship or even you as a person. You might want to ask her for the location and who the person is, it’s not you being overprotective, it’s just you caring and wanting to get details about where your partner is going to or will be and be sure he/she’s in safe hands.
In a situation where your partner will doubt your integrity later, should you still go on with such a date knowing full well this is suppose to be a godly relationship?
To this question, I don’t think anyone would assume that their partner would doubt their integrity if they keep them updated about their outings. Relationship is not a cage. It’s not a period for both of you to cage yourself. You still get to move out with other people, make friends together and do all these knowing your boundaries. Also, that it’s a godly relationship doesn’t mean that you cannot go on dates. Dates are outings and it could be with anyone (excluding a person you know is dangerous or evil and is still asking you out on a date). Never let your partner feel insecure about your outings and your friends.
They should know your friends and you should know theirs.