7 Reasons Why Relationships and Marriages Breakup
Break ups happen to anyone and it can be really terrible. So, what really causes break up in relationships and marriages?
The breakups might have been connected or disconnected to the lock down. In whichever way, the lock down played a major role. From a survey and counseling records, many individuals broke up around the time for some reasons which were really strong while some others were issues that could have been resolved. However, the major reasons why these relationships crashed will be discussed in this article, especially with steps to handle these issues subsequently.
1. Lack of Communication
This lockdown took different toll on people especially those doing long distance (like us) and of course, no one could locomote at the time so no visit, data was for online courses, people got broke so no airtime and many more happened. All these things might seem like hindrances to communication but I think we get the definition of communication wrong 70% of the time. Communication is not about just talking to each other, communication is also about how you talk to each other— facial expressions, gifts, talks, what you talk about, accountability, etc. It is very possible that you'd talk everyday and still not communicate. It took me time to learn this because I just thought we were talking but because I took decisions rapidly, I could have built a house without telling my partner even if we talked everyday.
What do you talk about and how do you talk about it?
2. Genotype Incompatibility Issues
While this may come as a shocker for you, it is really what it is. In this video chat with Della, Fadeelat and Boluwatife discussed so much about their genotype and how it has affected their relationship lives among other things. It is quite strange that it is a very necessary factor to consider in many relationships.
If you have anything “S” in your genotype, please, find an AA. And normalize asking before you go any further.
You may also read Dating God First
3. Lack of Personal Understanding
If you don’t understand yourself, there’s no how you can understand your partner. For a while in our relationship, we couldn’t even hold hands in public and it wasn’t because we felt it was wrong. I just realized that my partner wasn’t used to it and I had to let him take his time before he got used to it. It was his first relationship, while I had more experience than he did. He understood this and communicated this to me. As mentioned above, communication also comes in here. If he didn’t understand his person, he wouldn’t have communicated it to me and I would have seen it to be something else— maybe he didn’t love me or he didn’t want to be found with me.
Read: 5 Relationship Lessons from the Life of Boaz and Ruth
A lot of personal understanding goes into you before you can bring yourself to be with someone else. In our post on how to manage conflicts in your relationship, we discussed issues related to this. If personal understanding is not in place, misunderstanding can come into it and break up with occur.
4. Diversion of Purpose
If you miss this one, such relationship will irretrievably break, except of course you are ready to be involved with someone who is not concerned with life or decides to live life as it comes.. When you discover that your partner is not interested in certain interests that align with God's purpose for your life as a believer or that they are less concerned about building a future for themselves, you have a red flag already and such relationship is heading for the rocks. The best way to identify that your partner is not interested in purpose is that you will see signs that express their desire for your relationship in the present. They are usually not considering a future for the relationship. At this point, you should definitely leave your slippers and run. This is one reason why it’s important to know your purpose first before you get into a relationship. If you don’t know your purpose, you can’t know the purpose of your relationship.
This can be the most challenging reason for anyone to break up. Once any parent doesn’t agree, it becomes an issue and here, only prayer can solve it and maybe talking to other relatives about it. In times when it’s looking like nothing can change their minds, prayer is the only way. Prayer for change of heart and wisdom to pull through. This one can be exhausting.
God doesn’t just bring two people together without a purpose. There must be a purpose for your relationship. This was one of the first conversations we had when this fine man asked me out. I noticed he was supportive in helping me plan my outreaches while we were but friends but he never followed for an outreach or donated (at least that’s what I thought). Until my friend told me he had been donating all the while with another person’s account I had consistently seen on the record.
Please, don’t be under pressure to jump on any AA you see. The fact that the person is AA doesn’t mean s/he’s the one. There is still a need to pray about it and be sure.
My relationship is far from what we want which is perfect and if we can work out our salvation, we believe we can work this out too. Never. Compare. Your. Relationship. What works for A doesn’t work for B all the time. If your partner doesn’t do what they do in other relationships, don’t pressurize them. This life is one.
7. Rushing in
One bitter truth with jumping into any relationship is the fact that if you rush in, you will rush out. You must always calm down and take time to pray about it. The same way God doesn’t wear flip flop is how he will not wear it and bring you out of the wrong relationship. You do not need to look around you and measure your timeline to someone else’s. I still know some people who are not in any relationship now, that will get married before me. Don’t buy your partner gifts because that’s what works for you. If it’s your language, it might not be their language. There’s a balance and you don’t need to compare.
The statement that kills people fast and leads them to failed relationships and marriages is that "you’re getting old and all your mates are getting married". You need to lose yourself from its effects, take things one step at a time and calm down because your partner would definitely come at the right time.