The Stages in a Relationship

For many people, love often only revolves around romance, and many other simple looking things but in reality, it doesn't end there. A true love relationship takes time to bloom and it takes two to tango. As wild and unpredictable as love can be it is one of the most reliable forces that drives humans everyday. Recognising which stage you are in your relationship can be very helpful to slow down and analyse any aspect of your relationship- where you are and where you want to be.

To some, a standard relationship has 3 stages, while to others relationship has 5 stages, some even say 6 while some say 8. However, all of them have in common the three (3) major stages which are: The Honeymoon, The Crisis and Blissful Love. The reason why just the 3 stages are not always discussed alone is because inbetween those three (3) major stages, there are other things that happen. 

In this post, we will be discussing 5 stages in a relationship.

Initial Attraction and Chase

This is the first stage of every relationship. In this stage one or both of the individuals find each other very attractive. They begin to notice the shape of their eyes, the begin to notice the way each other walks, the way they talk or smile and lots more. The attracted individual begins to talk about the other person with his or her friends and he or she begins to think more about the other person. This stage also comes with the Chase where probably the guy approches the lady to start a relationship with her. This either followed by a positive answer or negative one depending on if the other person is interested in being in a relationship at that time or with that person.

This stage is filled with fun and flirtatious moments and intentional late night talks.

2. The Honeymoon

This is the stage where all you want to do is to always be with the other person. You feel like you cannot survive a moment without them and you really don't care about each other's fault. All you want to do is be in each other's company and have fun. According to scientist natural chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, phenylethylamine, norepinephrine, are secreted in the brain and all what these chemicals do is to make couples to want to stay together, be sexually connected (not safe), to a level where they start to think about starting a family together. Couples really have to take things slow in this stage because they are not totally in their right mind. Most Hollywood movies show this stage to be the peak of a relationship whereas, it's just the start. The reduction in the hormones being secreted leads to the couple having  doubting thoughts about each other, leading to the next stage. 

3. The Crisis

Reality begins to set in and both partners begin to see each other for who they are. They begin to notice their differences and flaws in this stage. Their differences either tear them apart or bring them closer together. This stage requires a lot of work. Couples either make it or break it depending on how they choose to solve the problems. To be in a safe relationship couples must reach a compromise and choose to communicate effectively. This might include them trying new things together, taking a walk, spending more time together to listen and communicate well so that both individuals can take note of each others needs and try to meet them. 

4. Stability and Commitment

 where both parties already know how to work through their differences without trying to control or change each other instead they try to respect each other's boundaries and make each other feel safe  whether or not they're together. This leads to both partners commiting to each other. At this stage most couples start to think about getting engaged or getting married. They have learnt to get along with each other without getting bossy or yelling at each other. At this stage both partners have learnt to put each other first when they are planning anything. They also choose to listen to each others views about a particular topic even when they know what to do. This makes them feel safe with each other. 

Blissful Love

The best way to keep a relationship is for both individuals to make sure that they keep the relationship till the last stage. This final stage is like the ultimate price or reward of a relationship that one can get. The blissful love stage happens to be not only the last stage but a stage that occurs for life. Here both partners are at the point where people say they have TRUE LOVE. They have experienced life, sadness, joy, pain, hurt and they have been able to work through everything together. In this stage couples not only want to spend their time together but they have allowed their love to flow into other parts of their life where they start a project together volunteer, pick up hobbies to do together. Some couples might choose to help other couples grow using their experience.

Note: These stages do not occur in the same sequence for all couples while for some they have to revisit some stages for better growth and deeper love. The importance of knowing the stages is to help you and your partner know how to stand together as a team having it in mind that you are heading to the last stage.

Managing Exes in Your Relationship

Today’s blog is all about managing exes in your relationship. It is really annoying to have people form your past bring back memories that you have taken your all to put behind you. When you have a partner, who has his or her ex coming back to be unnecessarily friendly with your partner, it could raise a lot of dust in your relationship and can cause even you to become an ex if the issue cannot be solved.

When we talk about exes, there is a need to know what caused the break up in the first place: it could’ve been that the previous relationship was toxic or both partners decided breakup the relationship on a mutual base. It might have been due to genotype issues or family issues. Whatever it maybe, there is a need to know what caused the breakup. When we know what the problem was, we would know how to handle the ex.

Even in this age, we have people who think having an ex is bad, but the truth is that is not bad. Having an ex or exes doesn’t make you the worst person on earth, maybe luck hasn’t been on your side. Never judge a person by the number of people they have been in a relationship with.

Things happen in different relationships that cause break up, but it is good to make sure that the break up is a sharp one; it has to be in clear terms so both parties will be sure that there’s hardly any chance of getting back together especially if one of them is in another relationship. So, if there’s any case of lingering feelings coming back to the surface, you have something to hold on to as a reason for the break up. This is good to avoid further break up on both sides 

 Most people have the wrong notion about exes and this makes them feel like it is a bad thing to ever be in touch with their exes. Being friends with your ex if you left on good terms is good. In cases where the previous relationship was broken up because of physical abuse, it is best to keep away from the each other. That is best so that both parties will keep safe emotionally, psychologically, physically and in all other part of their life. In cases where the abuser will not agree to respect the other person, it will be good to set clear boundaries with the person.

In cases whereby you have moved on, and started a new relationship, it is good and fair to make sure that your new partner knows all about your past. if you have an ex coming back your present partner should know about it. So, the two of you can find the best way to handle it together. If there are cases where by you and your ex had children, or in case of lingering feelings coming to the surface, it is best that you don’t hide it from the person you are looking to date  so they can tell if they can handle it or not. It is best that your present partner or the person you are looking to dating should be someone you can open up to freely and be sure that the two of you can handle the situation maturely. 

In cases where you feel like you cannot tell your partner about your ex and things that happened between you two, you can tell your mentor or coach or someone that can give you a good advice. 

You and your partner should also have a mentor or a coach that you can discuss these things with and you get good advice if you’re not sure you can trust your partner to handle it maturely.

Every person entering into a relationship comes with a bag pack full of their past experiences, fears, hurts and expectations for the future. Patience and effective communication in needed to be able to work on a lot of things together and build a relationship that both partners appreciate. 

See also: Tips for effective communication

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Couple's Gist

How to Know if he or she is the one for You

One of the reasons why some people have not given love a chance is because of the fear of getting into the wrong hands. I am sure you know that one person who has been indifferent relationships but they all ended broken. This happened even when they decided to be serious with their love life and now they go up and down saying to the universe that there is no such thing as true love and thinking to themself that true love only exists in Disney movies.

We shouldn't blame them because we were never in their shoes nor did we experience with them the hurt they went through. They must have hoped and prayed relationship after relationship that the person they were with at the moment was the one for them, their 'last bus stop'. They must have had the happy ones that made them think that all was fine and this time they are doing everything well. But in the blink of an eye, their love wall of Jericho began to crumble again until it fell not to be rebuilt.

If you know this person or people like this and they hold a place in your heart I would say that you share with them today's post. If you are the one just stay with me because today I am going to be letting you know one of the important ways that you would know if the person you are going out with is the one for you. We will be talking about various other points for about a couple of weeks ahead so stay with me as I said.

You are already in this relationship or you are planning to start again but a part of you is scared that this one might go wrong again. Here is one simple way you can know if that person is worth your precious love, time, and attention.

 

"How You Feel with Him or Her."

Most of the time we tend to look at who the person is, what the person does, where the person is in life, what's the person can or cannot do, what drives the person, while we forget to think about how we feel when we are with the person. You will agree with me that with some people you definitely cannot show your true self. When you are with them you are more or less holding your breath. You try to be who you are not and try to laugh at their dry jokes and you do all this hoping that things will get better along the line, that there will be a balance between you both, forgetting that holding your breath for too long would exhaust you.

When you are with that person and you have to become an amoeba that changes shape along with the person's emotions. You definitely can tell that this is not you that will be with your friends or just a random stranger that you just met. My darling, I am sorry to tell you this, but that gentleman or lady is not the one for you.

You need to always be with that person that sees you for who you are and allows you to be the best you can be. Someone that helps you recognize your weakness and strength and help you put them to maximum use. That person that you can be your goofy self with,  laugh with, joke with, pull light pranks on, and have fun with. That person is the one that will make you feel the best you can. Someone that makes you forget the spelling of Pretense.

If you are with that person right now or you are planning to be with that person who may still be in the friend zone right now, I can tell you that you can give it a shot now. All things being equal, should lead to greatness.

 

Conclusion

This is not the only way but one of the best ways to know if he or she is the one for you. It is a very important one at that. 

 

In the last post on how to know if that person is or is not for you, in that post, we discussed paying attention to how he or she makes you feel when you are together or when their thoughts crosses your mind. Most of the time we neglect this part all in the name of “love is blind” or “she would change overtime” but the truth is the moment you  start faking the real you, pay attention, because it is a big red flag.

Although, it is important to pay attention to the way you feel around that person it is also important that you know that this is not the only way to know if that is the person you are supposed to be with. So, today we will be talking about another important thing we need to pay attention to.

 

We are not asking you to be selfish right now. However, you must know that before anyone, it has to be you first, because this process is about you checking if you are compatible with this person and this takes me to the next question.

 

Do Your Values Align?

We were all raised in different environment and under different conditions so you do not expect you and that person to be 100% on the same page. Do not get me wrong it can seem like you and that person you just met a totally on the same page in your first or second even up to the fifth time of meeting and having conversations but you will soon start to realize that even though you love the same football team, you like to eat the same snack, you both like to work in a quiet environment, or maybe you are both indifferent about the kind of environment you carry out your task. There are still some things that you both do not have in common. This thing might not be in form of habits they might be those precious things you take as your core values.

Take for instance you are a lover of God and you cherish having about an hour to listen to God in meditation but due to the environment this new person that you like was brought up, he or she just believes there is a God somewhere that we pray to and that is basically it. This person prays when he wills and attends church on Sundays. You will agree with me that on the spiritual level you are not on the same page.

First things first, I need you not to look at the person as bad because we are a result of our environment. Maybe he or she didn’t have the opportunity you had or due to some things life as fashioned another pattern in the person. Until you are in that person’s shoe do not blame him or her. At the same time you should not just look over something as important as that.

I will not tell you to leave the person or cut all relationship with the person but I would advise that you don’t take an important step as starting a relationship with that person you can start out on a mutual base where you become a friend to the person and from there you discuss more about God do your thing and let the person see you do those things that matter to you.

 

Take note of this ‘do not force your values on someone else. As much as you want a future with that person, do not pressurize him or her into being who he or she is not rather, be the example, the change you want to see and let him or her change at will.’

This act will not only help you to know if you are supposed to proceed into a relationship with this person, it will also help you to see the person on a better level and by doing this you get to know if the person is progressive and ready to learn.

When you take this kind of step, two things can happen, either the person will withdraw from you or the person begins to see reasons in what you do and he or she begins to do these things consciously or unconsciously- which is a good one but I would like to point out that even after the person begins to do those things or begin to see reasons why they should cherish those things that of value to you do not be quick to act because some people can pretend as if they care. So, you really want to be sure that is what it is.

With all these said I would suggest that in all you do, “do unto others what you want them to do to you” So as much as you want to look into the person’s value and how it aligns with yours don't forget to also open yourself to the good values they have so that things can actually balance up.

 

Last week, I really had to let us talk about You and the important role you have to play in the whole relationship process. I must confess it was a great one. Today we are talking about another important way to know if that person is the one for you. 

 

I am sure that you have been with different people at different stages of your life, male and female alike. You have made friends and grown relationships with family members,  some stronger than others,  some are long lost and some are just growing. One thing that is peculiar to all of these relationships is that there was a reason or a season in life that brought you together with these people. 

There are many reasons for you being in a relationship with those friends of yours, but in a more intimate relationship, there is a little difference.

Now is the time to introduce today’s pointer.  Drum roll… 

Do you love him or her for a particular reason? 

Loving (just) because 

It is no longer news that there are a lot of people who love their partner just because he or she is nice enough to share what he has with them.  For some, it is more about their partner’s physical appearance, because she is short (arm rest height) & cute and you think that’s the best reason to love her or start a relationship with her.

Most people just look for the benefits they can or would derive from the relationship,  which should not be. 

We should always have it at the back of our minds that being in a relationship requires a good amount  of selflessness. Can you say you love the person without a reason? 

We should always remember that beauty fades, everyday is not Christmas so when you are looking into starting a relationship with someone, you need to look deeper and look past physical appearances, material gain, monetary gain and pleasure. These things should not be crossed off the list of what you should look for in a person but it should not be the basis of your choosing them.

You should look for other attributes that are more defining about the individual,  is he or she kind, patient,  understanding, progressive and ready to grow and learn,  does your value align? 

 

Do you see a future with him or her (this is a whole post you should wait for). This will help you get a better view at who the person is and you will be able to tell, to a certain extent, if you should start a relationship with him or her. 

I know that you’re a smart and intelligent person, that’s why I’m always eager to come join you at this table to talk about things as important as these. I hope that you have been able to understand that there is more to starting a relationship journey with someone than the peripheral gains.

Always remember, I love you and I can’t wait to join you here again next week to discuss more important things, love, laugh, smile, learn, munch our cookies or popcorn, sip our juice or tea or whatever it may be that you enjoy reading with. 

 

Hello love how are you today?

I hope you have been doing fine.Writing to you today again brings so much joy to my heart and smile to my face, having this little chat with you means so much to me and I hope it does for you too.

Today, we move to the last part of our How to Know If He or She is the one for you series.

It is so funny the way people go into relationship just for the fun of it these days. You see two people together who just want to while away time- how fun is that?

You see that person and you clearly know that there are no chances of you both ending up together as a married couple but you still choose to waste that time investing in what is not going to last- how interesting.

 Lolonyo is not just the community that helps you love but helps you to learn how to love yourself, how to love your partner and how to love others in a godly way. If that is the case let us then take a look at what it means to be in a Godly relationship. If you are with that person and you are considering being with him or her I would like to ask you- with the habits, behaviors and attitudes the person has do you see yourself being with the person at the long run? This is a very important question to ask, because God wants us to make maximum use of our singleness and not spend that time with the person you clearly see no future with probably because of the fun of it or because of the pleasure, money and material things you get from them. 

This question is one that people push over saying “we never can tell if we would end up marrying the person” A lot of people say things happen and no one knows tomorrow but the truth is that you should be with the person that you can see a future with.

If you don’t see a future with that person there’s no point starting a relationship with him or her because not only will you be wasting your time you would also be pouring your energy and resources into the wrong person all to end it after a while.

God intends for us to be in a purposeful relationship. His will is for us to come together not only to love on each other but also to look into the future together, to work on achieving our life purpose and building a kingdom family. 

if you do not see yourself becoming a better version of yourself, you don’t see yourself fulfilling your life purpose with that person, you don’t see yourself parenting with that person then there is no point setting yourself up for the pain.

Taking a stroll back to the beginning of this series:

In part 1 we discussed paying attention to how you feel when you are with the person.

Check: How To Know if He or She is the One For You (Part 1). 

In Part 2 we discussed about value alignment with the person.

Check: How To Know if He or She is the One For You (Part 2)

In part 3 we discussed loving without reason.

Check: How To Know if He or She is the One for You.

Here we are in the last part talking about seeing a future with that person and this is where we end this series.

Disclaimer: in choosing who to be with, there are more things to consider but for the purpose of this series, we will be stopping here.

I hope you were able to learn from this series and I do hope that with this few pointers you would be able to choose the right person.

I would also be glad if you can share with the community more points on how to know if that person is the one for you. Thank you.

Remember, love is beautiful and I love you. 

7 Pointers for a Healthy Relationship

There are different forms of red flags in a relationship. These red flags simply mean different things that should not be found in a relationship, and in this post we will be talking about the green light of healthy relationship, these green lights are things or activities that should be found in a relationship, so if you are in a relationship and you and your partner have all these things going on, you can say your relationship is a healthy one. 

 

After carrying out a research on what people think a healthy relationship should look like, the result shows that most people know what a healthy relationship should look like. Here are a few things that should be found in healthy relationship. 

Respect

It will be a sign of disrespect to yourself if you are in a relationship where you cannot respect your partner, and Respect isn’t about controlling someone or making them do what you want them to do. Respect is actually about the freedom to be yourself and to be loved for who you are.

If this is found in your relationship, then you can say it is healthy. 

Communication

Heartfelt Communication is the heart of every relationship, it is very essential in our relationship and no matter how well you know your partner and love them,  communication is still needed, it can never be too much. Communication can never be perfect at all times but, couples should try to have healthy communication everytime in this way, they will be able to understand each other better. In relationships, communication allows to you explain to someone else what you are experiencing and what your needs are. If in your relationship, you and your partner find it easy to communicate, freely and openly, then that is a green light for a healthy relationship. 

Accountability

According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, accountability is an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions. In a healthy relationship couples are accountable to each other for every part of their lives and this builds more intimacy and trust it also helps couples to know each other more and recognise problems they have in their relationships so that they can solve them together, if in your relationship accountability is something you do, it is not a sign of weakness, it is a strength that should be built upon and that is a green light.

Honesty

There is a popular saying that "Honesty is the best policy" they say. Honesty is also essential in every relationship because a relationship built on dishonesty and lies will surely lead to a breakup. There is a great need for couples to be honest in dealing with each other this will help them to know each other for who they are and save them the stress of being sad in their relationship or having issues they could have talked about and solved.

Support

People tend to do well in whatever it is they are doing when they find supporters and cheerleaders that is why in every football game or any athletic match there are going to be people to support the players. It is the same for relationships,  a healthy relationship should have its partners supporting each other and helping each other grow in all aspects of their lives because when your partner supports you in all you do you would find joy in doing whatever it is you are doing. So if in your relationship you and your partner support each other that is a green light.

Compromise

Unlike sacrifice, compromise is a mutual activity that involves couples finding a problem in their lives and helping each other to solve those problems it is essential that both couples are helping each other. This is essential in a relationship because both parties will not only help each other, but get to know each other while adding value to themselves and their partner.

Peace

A healthy relationship should be a peaceful relationship where each partner understands and respects the do's and don'ts of the other. 

Conclusion

Your relationship can be healthy if you want it to be. Just as it is with our bodies, you can take preventive measures to help your relationship stay healthy at all times

 

5 Tips on How to Survive a Relationship Breakup

It is so amusing how the term Breakup has been gradually replaced with Breakfast, especially in this part of the world. For the sake of our diverse readers, we will stick to the original term which is Breakup.

Many times when most people experience a breakup, it seems like the end of the world, especially in cases where they truly loved their partner. In most cases, ladies tend to cry while men stay sober and maybe drink so that they don’t feel the hurt, but the truth is that the hurt and pain still come back, bigger and harder. Most of the time, people tend to shut others out of their life and just remain on their own to feel the pain of breaking up.

While some people try to stay sober or drink or shut people out, some other people try to suppress the hurt that they feel and pretend as if nothing happened. One might think that is the best solution, but it is one of the worse things to do- not allowing yourself to feel the hurt of a breakup. Different people with different ways of dealing with their pains and hurt but in this post, I will be giving 5 tips on how to survive a breakup well and good.

Allow Yourself to Feel the Hurt but Not for Long 

It is very normal to think of our past relationship or ex even after your breakup with them and thoughts like this always come back, especially at times you are just on your own or you see the things or go to places where you both have been to. It is not wrong that after your breakup with your partner, you feel pained and sad. The pain will even be harder for someone who already has big plans and loads of expectations for the relationship and from their partner. But like I mentioned above, it is not good to try to push aside the pain and behave as if no shit just happened in your life. In the long run, things might keep getting out of hand. It is good to feel the pain, and cry if you need to. It is good to let out your emotions and not suppress them. As good as it is to let out your emotions, it is best not to allow yourself to spend forever in the past. The relationship is gone, and now in the past, so it is best to let it be, and move on. Hard as this may seem, it is one of the best ways to survive a relationship breakup. Feel the pain but know when to cut it off.

Focus on You

Breakups are so hard that they may want to take everything from you. Break up is ready to strip you of any strength you think you possess but the best thing to do at this time is to make yourself the priority. This is a very good time to not only focus on yourself but also pick up new hobbies, take yourself on a picnic, travel to new places if you can afford it, set new goals for yourself, exercise, take a course, volunteer, just have fun. While having fun and enjoying life the best way you can, make sure that you remind yourself of who you are, and say nice and positive things about yourself. Speaking words of affirmation to yourself, words that tell you how much you are loved will help you pull through the tough moments after a relationship breakup. As much as this is a time to have all the ‘me time’, all the fun, and discover new things about yourself, this isn’t the right time to jump into a new relationship. It is best to give yourself ample time to recover and heal from the breakup and all the insecurities and fear that might have come with it. Most people drag themselves into the same cycle of breakup over and over again because they feel lost and broken as an individual and I feel like having a partner or being in a relationship will heal them. Give your inner man the time to catch up on the fun things that could not be done when you had your ex in your life.

Reach out to Family and Friends

As much as this is the time to focus on you, it is also a good time to bond with your friends and family members, have all the time you can with them, and catch up on things that you couldn’t do while you were in that previous relationship.  During this time, have fun and go out with your friends, attend family functions, and spend time with your parents, siblings, and other extended family members. Help out and be useful. By doing this, you might be making them smile, thereby, making yourself happy too. Also, when you spend time with your friends and family, they help you to get over this period of pain by showing you love and care and letting you know that you are not alone. Bond!

Learn from Your Experience

After a breakup, it is good to let the past dwell in the past, but also better to learn from your past mistakes. Something that you and your ex did or didn’t do might have led to the breakup. It is better to use this to your advantage so that such mistakes will not repeat themselves in your future relationship. You can achieve this through the power of questioning. How to do this is to ask yourself a series of questions that will help you look deep into how you played your role and how your partner played his or her role and where it all went wrong. Sometimes, doing this alone might be hard as it will open up memories of the relationship hence, you should do this with the help of a therapist, coach, or counselor. They will be able to help you better trace the happenings in your life and past relationships and join the dot till you can make sense of it. In this way, you will also be able to heal from the hurt and insecurities that came out of the relationship with you. This will also help you to know how to be a better partner in your new relationship.

Move on 

n the process of trying to get over your breakup, different memories will surely come to mind. It might come from you seeing pictures of the person, you going somewhere that you have been with the person, or just seeing the person pass. Different things can spring up the thought of the person even silence. When these memories flash through your mind, you might be tempted to start stalking them on their social media account or stalking the person physically. You might even find yourself wanting to force yourself on them and this isn’t a good one to do. In other to get over these feelings, it is better to make sure that you constantly remind yourself why that relationship was no more conducive for you both and you must try to wave all the memories of the person when they come up in your mind. Although it is good to be on good terms with your ex, (depending on what caused the breakup) if you think seeing them will make things worse for you, it is better to unfollow them on your social media account and try to get rid of things that might remind you of them pending the time that you are trying to get hold of yourself.

 

Conclusion

Getting over a breakup isn’t a very easy thing to do, but it is a very good thing to do to avoid more of it repeating itself. Pay attention to yourself and your growth at this moment,  make sure that you trace the dots and observe the patterns so that you won’t have to make the same mistake time and time again.

The Pursuer-Distancer Relationship

 
Vulnerability in a relationship makes either parties to assume and act out roles of the ''pursuer'' and the ''distancer''. Like the cartoon, Tom and Jerry, it leads to a long race where both never agree.

Partners should always make efforts to close any gaps.

A Unhealthy Relationship

Last week was all about secrets, secrets about me and I hope it was fun and you learnt something. But this week we are going to be talking about something different.

I have discovered that there is a need to remind ourselves of what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like because most people get their hearts broken over and over again just because the view they had on what an actual relationship should look like is wrong😢💔💔. That is why in today’s blog we would be taking a ride along the healthy relationship lane.

There really are some things you should look out for when you are in a relationship, some call them relationship pointers (the green light and the red flags in relationship). Today, we would be looking at the red flags that should tell you if your relationship is a healthy one or not. 👌 

Although there are a lot of pointers to an unhealthy relationship, here area few of them. 

1. If you are in a relationship with somebody who’s getting in the way of the plans and purposes you think God is calling you to, please and please find a solution or a way out of that relationship because that is the greatest of all red flags. 

2. Any relationship that gets you out of who you are to pretend to be something or someone else is not a healthy relationship, if when you are with your partner you cannot actually be your true self, enjoy the things you love, have fun the way you like. Wow... That is a big red flag. 

3. A relationship that  makes you compromise your good morals is not the one for you...  It really is not a relationship to go in with. Through the process of dating, if you find yourself doing things that you would not normally do, or you can't be proud of, hmm🤔 it might be the right reason to check you out of that relationship. 

4.  "It takes two to tango", "It takes two good wings for a bird to fly", this is to tell you that even if the bird has two wings but one is weak, the bird can't fly. So is it for someone who finds his or herself doing all the work to make their relationship work. If you fall into this category, you find yourself calling all the time, getting all the gifts for Him or Her, saying all the prayers for both of you and your partner is not saying or doing anything on their own part, well... That might be your own pointer to either make things work or opt out of the relationship. 

5- At the start of your relationship it may seem like you and your partner are a match made in heaven…but if after a while all you get are harsh words, controlling behaviors, irrational attitudes, and emotional turmoil, I think 🤔 I  don't need anybody to tell you to run for your life, because you need to be in a relationship where you and your partner respect each others to a great level.

6- Lastly, if your family and friends are not in support of your relationship with that person, you might want to take your time and think about the reason why they aren't in support of it. Some of the times our family and friends don't even say it directly to us because they feel that they don't want to hurt us, but if you find out that they act in some kind of way when you talk about your partner or relationship, take the bold step to ask them, "why the change of attitude?"

To wrap it up, are you in a relationship that is taking peace? Taking joy? Taking time? Taking fun? Taking something you can never get back from you? You might need a time out because that relationship is in no way a healthy one for you and you might end up suffering from a very long heartache. 😢💔

How to Manage Finances in Your Relationship

It is pure truth that money cannot buy true love, but then, money sure can tear love apart. The issue of finances and how to manage it is one of the frequently asked questions by couples. The reason why finance causes a lot of problems in relationship is due to different reasons but all of them boils down to one big one. Things like difference in values, goals, habits about money will surely cause a little bit of problem when it comes to managing the finances in your relationship, but what would make it all worse is the lack of proper communication about money issues. While some couples are able to navigate their way through the hard times and issues that finance management has caused them, some lose years of happy moments and anticipated joy to this same cause.

 

Before I start, I would love to say that if you are in a new relationship and you are sure that life might happen at any time, I mean you are not yet sure that the relationship will lead to marriage- kindly do not think of putting your money together with that person. Be sure that whoever you are sure you want to be together with for the rest of your life is the person you think about finances in a relationship with. Although, even some engaged couples’ breakup their relationship if life happens between them, but research as shown that only about 20 percent of all engagements are called off before the wedding. So, if you really want to be wise and safe, don’t save anything with your partner until you are sure that there is a clear road ahead of you both. In cases where you have projects to carry out together, make sure the terms are clearly stated (of course in a nice way) to avoid any form of mix up or problem. With that said, we can now start.

No matter how uncomfortable it might be for couples to discuss money issues they must still talk about it and while doing that they must put in mind the value of honesty. Couples must be truthful to their partners about their financial status, this includes telling them about their income, how they spend, and down to their debt. It is said that honesty is the best policy, and this is essential for couples who want to truly manage their finances. Couples should also know that there are three (3) major ways couples can choose to manage their finances. They can agree on having;

1. a separate account

2. a joint account or

3. a combination of both separate and joint accounts.

● Separate Account: when couples choose to run on separate, they are provided with more freedom to manage their money/ income individually. In cases where they have joint expenses, some couples split expense directly into half while some do that according to their income. This may also include that each individual in the relationship is responsible for not only their spending habits, but also for paying of all the debt they had to pay before getting into the relationship. This type of finance management type is not the best for married couples. It runs a no interference policy.

● Joint Account: couples that choose to run their finances using the joint account, after communication the couples decide to put all of their funds together. All their income, salary and all goes into one account where they channel all their expenses to. Here both individuals have a say over the money they have. No one is the sole custodian of the money they have and this helps to make it easier to track budgeting and spending. However, this type of finance management might cause your partners spending habits and can tear the relationship apart in cases where one partner earns more than the other. Surprises might also be hard to keep a secret while running a joint account.

● Combining Separate and Joint Accounts

Couples that choose to use both separate and joint accounts seem to have the safest financial relationship. It also poses to be the best way to run finances in a relationship because each individual in the relationship split their income into some certain percentage and put it in different accounts. For example, a married couple that has to pay for electricity bills, their children’s school fees, tax, and at same time save for their vacation will either choose to have two different accounts one where they keep a certain percentage of their income to take care of all the expenses like school fees, electricity bills, tax and vacation and another where they keep the remaining percentage of their income and this other account can be called their personal account, savings account or fun account. Some couples chose to split the account based on the different project they are used for, that is, a separate account for school fees and another for vacations and other accounts for different projects and then their personal account. An account can be used to handle two or more needs or projects which may be related, this makes it easier to manage accounts and decide what percentage of your income goes into each one. In using this type of finance management, both partners will have to decide what percentage of their income that will be put in the different project account which they both are responsible for and have joint authority over and what percentage goes into their personal account which each person has a sole authority on.

No matter how couples want to go about money in their relationship, there are some things they should make sure to do:

 

● Couples should take their time to talk about their values and goals and how they feel about money/ finances.

● Take out time to plan and create a system that can help them achieve their financial goals.

● Take out time at frequent intervals to talk about their finances, problems faced and how to make their finances grow better.

● Stay positive and be totally honest with your partner.

Build Trust

This is an underrated conversation. When you borrow money from your partner, always ensure that you pay back in due time. As much as you are romantic partners, there is a need to have integrity as a person in the eyes of your lover. Don't involve feelings. Pay them back in due time. If you buy things from them, pay them too. It builds trust. This is in exception to cases when life happens after they have loaned you money. If this happens, please, always communicate.

When Spirituality Bows to Emotions

After Nelson and I started our relationship, it was a mix of "No sex until marriage" and "we really want to have fun growing with God". The truth is, it really isn't easy. Sometimes you want to just hold and "do the do" but then, the love of God constrains.

It's really not about how spiritual you are because ''body no be fire wood'' but of course how much of self control one can have. That's why the question is - Is it really possible to be in a relationship and not let your emotions take over you? Is it possible to abstain from sex until marriage? Is it possible to do away with the sexual urges when they come? 😭 When you're around boo or bae and your body is doing 'gish gish' and you just want to cuddle, what do you do? 😔

Pictures from Broken Pieces 2019

I'll Like To Break Down The Topic For Easy Understanding- "When Spirituality Bows To Emotions"

This is simply a situation where Christians, spiritual people, tongue speaking and dead raising people fall Into sexual sin either as singles or when in a relationship.

I'll Be Splitting this into parts.

- What Are Sexual Sins

- Consequences

- How To Overcome Sexual Sins

- Prayer For Healing From Sexual Sin

So, Let's move ✈

First, Sexual sins are Sexual sins. Sex is a Gift from God, beautifully wrapped and meant only to be opened in marriage. So, When You ''thief the meat from the pot, and open that Gift, You've Committed Sexual Immorality. Examples are cases of masturbation, fornication, lust, pornography, incest and all other forms of sex.

I'll also like to establish the Spiritual Vs Emotions. We Need To know who a Spiritual man is and who An Emotional Man Is.

Spiritual And Emotional are two Types Of mental behavioral changes In man that shows some differences Between Them. Emotions Are Nothing But Feelings Related To *Worldly Life*. On The Other Hand, Spiritual Are Feelings Related To *Unearthly Or Unworldly Life.*

There Can Only Be *Earthly Happiness* In Emotional Feelings. On The Other Hand, There Can Be An *Unbound Happiness* In The Case Of Spiritual Feelings. This Is An Important Difference Between The Two Mental Conditions.

Being Spiritual Is All About Being *Godly In Thinking And Acting. On the other hand, being emotional Is All About Being *Humanly in thinking and Acting*.

Spirituality is *highest state of mind*, Whereas Emotional Is The *Normal State Of Mind*. Anybody Can Be Emotional At A Given Point Of Time. On The Other Hand, *Only People With Pure Mind And Thought Alone Can Be Spiritual.*

Emotional Is Related To The *Physical Body*. On The Other Hand, Spiritual Is Related To The *Divine Nature Of The Soul Within The Body*. The Word ‘spiritual’ Is Derived From The Word ‘spirit’ That Resides In Every Individual.

Spiritual Leads To The *Equanimity Of Individuals And The Tranquility Of The Mind*. On The Other Hand, Emotional Feeling Leads To The *Agitation Of The Mind And The Disturbance Caused In Mental Balance*. Since Emotional Is All About Being Worldly It Affects The Other Individuals As Well. On The Other Hand, Since Spirituality Is Unworldly In Nature It Is Experienced By The Individual Without Affecting The Others.

Spirituality Leads To Religion. On The Other Hand, Emotional Feelings Lead To Friendship And Enmity. Spiritual Is Nothing But The Feeling Of The Existence Of God Within Us. On The Other Hand, Emotional Behavior Results In Actions Such As Crying, Shouting And Lamenting. A Spiritual man can be emotional Too But A Solely Emotional Man Is not automatically Spiritual Unless He deliberately decides to be.*

Now, Why Do Spiritual Men Fall?

God Commands and demands that there shouldn't even be a hint of sexual immorality among us as His saved people (Ephesians 5:3). This Feels Completely impossible most Of The Time. If there is one area Of Life Where It Feels like Satan Is winning the battle, it is in the area of sex. At the same time, if there is one area where our Bodies Are Screaming Out For us to Disobey God, Its in the area of sex.

Sexual sin is one sin That Most Christians are guilty of. You might not have physically had Sex before, but your Mind Has Done More Than What Married People Do.

Remember scriptures mentioned that If You Look At A Woman Lustfully, You've Had Sex With Her l, making you No Different From Fornicators..

Let me establish that a lot Of People Feel Pornography And Masturbation Is An Escape From Sex, Thus It's Not A Sin. Dear people of God, they are Also Sexual Sins because They Don't Only Cage You But Make you Long For The Real Deal...

PORNOGRAPHY

(Use This Analysis Also For Other Sexual Sins and Lies)

Porn Is Harmless."

I don't think there will ever be a lie as misleading than this. While Watching pornography may seem as an insignificant problem in the Beginning, It adds up In The Long Run Until It Gains The Power To Ruin Areas Of Our Lives That We Might Not Think It Has Effect Over.

1 Corinthians 6:13 Says, "'Food Is Meant For The Stomach And The Stomach For Food'—And God Will Destroy Both One And The Other. The Body Is Not Meant For Sexual Immorality, But For The Lord, And The Lord For The Body." God Intends To Destroy Sexual Immorality Before It Destroys Us.

When Jesus Took Our Sins To The Cross, He Nailed Pornography And Sexual Impurity Along With All Other Iniquities So That We May Experience Freedom Once And For All. In Christ There Is Freedom, But People Who Get Too Deep Into Pornography Will See It Destroy Certain Areas Of Their Lives. Here Are Seven Areas In A Person's Life That Porn Destroys.

1. Spirituality

This Has To Be The Most Obvious. It's Hard To Grow In Our Relationship With God When We Are In Bondage To Sin. While God Desires For Us Freedom To Pursue Him, Sin Draws Us Away From God's Presence And Makes It Difficult To Grow Spiritually.

2. Parenting

When Children Are Deeply Exposed To Porn, It Becomes Difficult For Parents To Guide Them In The Ways They Should Go. Studies Show That 67 Percent Of Young Men And 49 Percent Of Young Women Regard Viewing Porn Is An Acceptable Way To Express One's Sexuality. Also, Parents Who Expose Themselves To Porn Have Often Admitted To Feeling Desensitised In The Areas Of Marriage And Family.

3. Marriage

No Matter How Many Times You Flip It, Pornography Is Adultery And Infidelity. While There May Be No Physical Contact, There Is An Unfaithfulness In The Mind And Heart. Covenant Eyes Shares That 56 Percent Of Divorce Cases Involved One Party Having An Obsessive Interest In Pornographic Websites.

4. Work And Productivity

The Family Research Council Says, "When Viewing Pornography Becomes An Addiction, 40 Percent Of Sex Addicts Lose Their Spouses, 58 Percent Suffer Considerable Financial Losses, And About A Third Lose Their Jobs."

Pornography Can Become A Challenge To Productivity And Therefore To Work, Especially When We Expose Ourselves To Porn During Work Hours.

5. Finances.

With A Drop Of Productivity At Work, There Can Often Be A Drop Of Profitability. Porn Is An Expensive Industry That Can Rack Up Unnecessary Expenses That Can Be Used Elsewhere. It Doesn't Only Eat Up Monetary Resources, But Also More Important Resources Such As Time And Attention.

6. Sense Of Social Justice.

The Porn Industry And Human Trafficking Problems Are Tied Up In So Many Areas. Many Porn Videos Online Involve Women Taken For Granted Out Of Their Own Free Will, Some Of Them Being Underage. It May Not Seem Like It, But Being Attached To Porn Is Feeding The Problem Of Social Injustice Today.

7. Ministry

We Have Seen Stories Of Pastors, Church Leaders And Spiritual Mentors Having To Step Down From Their Posts Because Of Problems That Boil Down To Sexual Immorality. Porn Does Not Just Hurt The Individual But Even People Around Them. Many Ministries Have Suffered As A Result Of Pornography Taking Charge Of The Hearts And Minds Of Men And Women In Church Work.

*The Things You Do Now Have Ripple Effects On Your Future.*

*Sexual Immorality If Not Stopped At A Tender Age can Lead To Many Issues In Marriage And Purpose.*

A Lot Of Christians Fall Into Sexual Sin When They Become Unguarded. No Matter How Spiritual You Are, You Cannot Be Independent Of God's Help.

Many Christians Feel They Can Do Some Things With Their Strength Alone And Thus, Fail. So, Do Not Depend On Your Strength. You need God at All Times.

*Consequences Of Sexual Sin*

Usually We Think That We Can Handle Sin Or We Can Get Away With It When No One Is Looking. But The Price Of Sin Is High.

First, The Price For My Sin Required Nothing Less Than The Death Of The Innocent Son of God, Jesus, The Christ, The Holy One, Who Died An Ugly, Humiliating, Horribly Painful Death On The Cross To Satisfy His Father’s Wrath For My Sin. My Sin Is very costly.

These Are Only Some Of The Consequences Of Sexual Sin. If Only We Would Rehearse In Advance The Ugly And Overwhelming Consequences Of Immorality, We Would Be Far More Prone To Avoid It. May We Live Each Day In The Love And Fear Of God.

❤ Grieving My Lord; Displeasing The One Whose Opinion Most Matters.

❤Dragging Into The Mud Christ’s Sacred Reputation.

❤Loss Of Reward And Commendation From God.

❤Having To One Day Look Jesus In The Face At The Judgment Seat And Give An Account Of Why I Did It.

❤Following In The Footsteps Of Men I Know Of Whose Immorality Forfeited Their Ministry And Caing.

❤Suffering Of Innocent People Around Me Who Would Get Hit By My Mistakes.

❤Untold Hurt To My Parents, Loved Ones And People That Look Up To Me.

❤Loss Of Credibility And Respect.

❤Shame to my Family And Shame To My Church Family.

❤Shame and hurt To My Fellow Christians, to my Friends, And Especially Those I’ve Led To Christ And Discipled.

❤Guilt Awfully Hard To Shake-Even Though God Would Forgive Me, Would I Forgive Myself?

❤Plaguing Memories And Flashbacks That Could Taint Future Intimacy With My Future Spouse.

❤Being Haunted By My Sin As I Look In The Eyes Of Others, And Having It All Dredged Up Again Wherever I Go And Whatever I Do.

❤Undermining The Hard Work And Prayers Of Others By Saying To Our Community “this Is A Hypocrite!

❤Laughter, Rejoicing And Blasphemous Smugness By Those Who Disrespect God And The Church (2 Samuel 12:14).

❤Bringing Great Pleasure To Satan, The Enemy Of God.

❤Possible Diseases: Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Chlamydia, Herpes, And Aids .

❤Loss Of Self-Respect, Discrediting My Own Name, And Invoking Shame And Lifelong Embarrassment Upon Myself.

*These Are Some Consequences Of Sexual Sin, Do We Now See That It Doesn't Worth It*

The Battle Begins In The Mind. You Need To Know What God Says About Sex And Trust What God Says About Sex. You Need To Be Careful What You Fill Your Minds With. Imagination Is Often The Hotbed Where Sin Is Often Hatched.

🔥Pray Daily. Depend On God, On The Power Of His Holy Spirit To Strengthen You In This Battle.

🔥Don't Put Yourself In Situations Where You Will Be Easily Tempted.

🔥Remember God Is Watching. You Are Never Completely Out Of Sight. Someone Can Always See You.

🔥Wield The Axe. Jesus Says In Matthew 5 That If Your Eye Or Hand Causes You To Sin, Gouge Them Out And Throw Them Away, Because Eternal Life Is At Stake. So If The Internet, Magazines, Tv, Or Peer Group Are Causing You To Sin; Wield The Axe. Especially Watch Out For Social Media. Unfollow People Who Are Posting Explicit Photos.

🔥Talk About Sex. (Accountability). You Can't Fight This Alone. You Need God's Help And You Need God's People's Help Too. Find Someone You Trust & Share Your Struggle.

🔥Be Careful What You Wear. Modesty Is Good For You And Good For Others Too.

🔥Remember The Cross. Jesus Died For Our Sins, Including Our Sexual Sins.

🔥Remember Jesus Is Coming Back. We All Will Have To Give An Account For Our Lives, Even Our Sex Life.

🔥Struggling Is A Good Sign. Keep Fighting And Don't Give In.

🔥Forgiveness Is Available. If You Sin Sexually You Can Still Be Forgiven, Such Is The Power Of The Cross Of Christ. So Repent, Turn Back To God And Live For Him.

While In A Relationship, As Christians, Its Important To Be With Someone Who Loves And Respect God.

Have Boundaries And Both Of You Must Respect Them.

See ehn, We're Human And As Such, When In Love, A Lot Of Things Will Come To Your Mind.

Being Tempted Is Not The Sin, Yielding To Temptation Is The Sin.

I Like Being Practical, Let Me Share My Own Personal Story.

When My Relationship Started, Because I Know How Very Emotional I Can Be. I Told My Fiancé That Should In Case I Get  Mad Or One Spirit Enters Me Or I Just Become Unstable And I Want To Lure Him To Have Sex With Me, I Said To Him That He Should Give Me A Nice Punch To Reset My Brain Or Send Me Out Or Pour Water On My Head Or He Should Run Away Sef And He Said Something Similar Too...

See, You Both Have To Be Accountable For And To Each Other. You Must Be On The Same Page And Help Each Other Remain Sexually Pure Until Marriage.

The Temptation Will Come, The Gish Gish Feeling Will Come But With The Right Mind And Help From God, You'll Overcome.

[5/23, 9:16 PM] Sinmi ECU: Don't Be Idle Lest The Devil Employs You.

When The Thought Comes, Distract Yourself With The Things Of God Or Something Godly And Sensible.

When It's Worse.. Burst Into Tongues.

Don't Now Go And Visit Boo Or Bae When You Have Sexual Urges oooo..

The Result Will Be Triplets.

I've Said My Own.😀

Now, Before Prayers. I Want To Say Something That Is In The Heart Of Many.

Sexual Addiction From Sexual Abuse.

A Lot Of People Have Been Sexually Abused And Thus They Become So Addicted To Sex And Can'T Break Free. Yes It Wasn'T Your Fault But You Can'T Hold On To That Excuse Forever.

There Is Forgiveness And Help At The Cross. Forgive The Offender, Forgive Yourself And Turn To God For Forgiveness. Seek Right Counsel And Break Free From That Cage.

Sex Is One 'Spirit' That Can Make A Great Leader Fall And Fail.

Sex Is Not Just Physical Pleasure. Sex Is Actually More Spiritual Than Just 5 Minutes Of Ups And Downs And This Is Why I'm A Great Advocate Of Sexual Purity And I Always Tell People That Premarital Sex Is Not Just A Sin Against God But A Trap To Your Life And Destiny.

The Time Is Too Short To Dig Deep Into The Spiritual Aspect Of Sex But I Tell You That Even If You Protect Yourself From Sexual Transmitted Diseases, There Are Spiritual Transmitted Diseases That Are Transferred Through Sex Which Is Why You Must Be Careful Of Who You Marry And Who You Have Sex With.

There Is The Exchange On Mantles And Rights During Sex, If You're Unmarried And You Engage In Pre-marital Sex, The Ones You Lay With Can Speak Words To Your Life Negatively And Having Had Sex With Them, They Have Some Sort Of Right Over Your Life. Just Imagine If You Have 10 Girls Or Guys That Can Control Your Life Just Because Of 5 Minutes Of Pleasure. Typing Won't Really Explain This Well. I Really Hope We Understand),

Avoid All Possible Temptation.

Say, “no!” To Every Lustful Thought.

Turn Your Eyes Towards Christ. Hold onto a promise From God. Enjoy Jesus more than Sinful Pleasure.

Move Away From Idleness And Find Something To Do.

*PRAYERS FOR SEXUAL HEALING*

Healing For Your Sexuality Is Available; This Is A Very Hopeful Truth! But You Must Realize That Your Sexuality Is Deep And Core To Your Nature As A Human Being. Therefore, Sexual Brokenness Can Be One Of The Deepest Types Of Brokenness A Person Might Experience. You Must Take Your Healing And Restoration Seriously. This Guided Prayer Will Help Immensely. You May Find The Need To Pray Through It A Few Times In Order To Experience A Lasting Freedom.

A Bit Of Explanation On The Reasons For The Prayer: First, When We Misuse Our Sexuality Through Sin, We Give Satan An Open Door To Oppress Us In Our Sexuality. A Man Who Uses Pornography Will Find Himself In A Very Deep Struggle With Lust; A Woman Who Was Sexually Promiscuous Before Marriage May Find Herself Wresting With Sexual Temptation Years Afterward. So It Is Important To Bring Our Sexuality Under The Lordship (And Therefore Protection) Of The Lord Jesus Christ And Seek His Cleansing Of Our Sexual Sins.

2. PRAYER FOR SEXUAL BROKENNESS—Whether Through Abuse Of Our Sexuality By Our Own Actions Or By The Actions Of Others—Can Create Sexual Difficulties And Also Opens The Door For The Enemy To Oppress Us. Quite Often Forgiveness Is Needed—Both The Confidence That We Are Forgiven By The Lord And The Choice We Make To Forgive Others. This Will Prove Immensely Freeing.

Let Us Begin By Bringing Our Lives And Sexuality Under The Lordship Of Jesus Christ:

Lord Jesus Christ, I Confess Here And Now That You Are My Creator (John 1:3) And Therefore The Creator Of My Sexuality. I Confess That You Are Also My Savior, That You Have Ransomed Me With Your Blood (1 Corinthians 15:3, Matthew 20:28). I Have Been Bought With The Blood Of Jesus Christ; My Life And My Body Belong To God (1 Corinthians 6:19–20). Jesus, I Present Myself To You Now To Be Made Whole And Holy In Every Way, Including In My Sexuality. You Ask Us To Present Our Bodies To You As Living Sacrifices (Romans 12:1) And The Parts Of Our Bodies As Instruments Of Righteousness (Romans 6:13). I Do This Now. I Present My Body, My Sexuality [“as A Man” Or “as A Woman”] And I Present My Sexual Nature To You. I Consecrate My Sexuality To Jesus Christ...

3. PRAYERS

Next, You Need To Renounce The Ways You Have Misused Your Sexuality. The More Specific You Can Be, The More Helpful This Will Be. God Created Your Sexuality For Pleasure And Joy Within The Context Of The Marriage Covenant. Sexual Activity Outside Of Marriage Can Be Very Damaging To A Person And To Their Relationships (1 Corinthians 6:18–20).

What You Want To Do In This Part Of The Prayer Is Confess And Renounce All Sexual Sin—For Example, Sexual Intimacy Before Marriage: Not Only Intercourse, But Other Forms Of Sexual Intimacy Such As Mutual Masturbation Or Oral Sex. Many People Assume These “don’t Really Count As Sin” Because They Didn’t Result In Actual Intercourse; However, There Was Sexual Stimulation And Intimacy. Keep In Mind There Is The “spirit Of The Law” And The “letter Of The Law.” What Matters Are Issues Of Heart And Mind As Well As Body. Other Examples Of Sins To Renounce Would Be The Use Of Pornography, And Sexual Fantasies. You May Know Exactly What You Need To Confess And Renounce; You May Need To Ask God’s Help To Remember. Take Your Time Here. As Memories And Events Come To Mind, Confess And Renounce Them. For Example: “lord Jesus I Ask Your Forgiveness For My Sins Of Masturbation And Using Pornography. I Renounce Those Sins In Your Name.” After You Have Confessed Your Sins, Go On With The Rest Of The Prayer...

4. PRAYERS

Jesus, I Ask Your Holy Spirit To Help Me Now Remember, Confess, And Renounce My Sexual Sins. [Pause. Listen. Remember. Confess And Renounce.] Lord Jesus, I Ask Your Forgiveness For Every Act Of Sexual Sin. You Promised That If We Confess Our Sins, You Are Faithful And Just To Forgive Us Our Sins And Cleanse Us From All Unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). I Ask You To Cleanse Me Of My Sexual Sins Now; Cleanse My Body, Soul, And Spirit, Cleanse My Heart And Mind And Will, Cleanse My Sexuality. Thank You For Forgiving Me And Cleansing Me. I Receive Your Forgiveness And Cleansing. I Renounce Every Claim I Have Given Satan To My Life Or Sexuality Through My Sexual Sins. Those Claims Are Now Broken By The Cross And Blood Of Jesus Christ (Colossians 2:13–15).

Next Comes Forgiveness. It Is Vital That You Forgive Both Yourself And Those Who Have Harmed You Sexually. Listen Carefully: Forgiveness Is A Choice; We Often Have To Make The Decision To Forgive Long Before We Feel Forgiving. We Realize This Can Be Difficult, But The Freedom You Will Find Will Be Worth It!

Forgiveness Is Not Saying, “it Didn’t Hurt Me.” Forgiveness Is Not Saying, “it Didn’t Matter.” Forgiveness Is The Act Whereby We Pardon The Person, We Release Them From All Bitterness And Judgment. We Give Them To God To Take Control...

5. PRAYERS

Lord Jesus, I Thank You For Offering Me Total And Complete Forgiveness. I Receive That Forgiveness Now. I Choose To Forgive Myself For All Of My Sexual Wrongdoing. I Also Choose To Forgive Those Who Have Harmed Me sexually. [Be Specific Here; Name Those People And Forgive Them.] I Release Them To You. I Release All My Anger And Judgment Toward Them. Come, Lord Jesus, Into The Pain They Caused Me, And Heal Me With Your Love.

This Next Step Involves Breaking The Unhealthy Emotional And Spiritual Bonds Formed With Other People Through Sexual Sin. One Of The Reasons The Bible Takes Sexual Sin So Seriously Is Because Of The Damage It Does. Another Reason Is Because Of The Bonds It Forms With People, Bonds Meant To Be Formed Only Between Husband And Wife (See 1 Corinthians 6:15–20). One Of The Marvelous Effects Of The Cross Of Our Lord Jesus Christ Is That It Breaks These Unhealthy Bonds. “may I Never Boast Except In The Cross Of Our Lord Jesus Christ, Through Which The World Has Been Crucified To Me And I To The World” (Galatians 6:14).

6. PRAYERS

I Now Bring The Cross Of My Lord Jesus Christ Between Me And Every Person With Whom I Have Been Sexually Intimate. [Name Them Specifically Whenever Possible. Also Name Those Who Have Abused You Sexually.] I Break All Sexual, Emotional, And Spiritual Bonds With [Name If Possible). I Keep The Cross Of Christ Between Us.

Many People Experience Negative Consequences Through The Misuse Of Their Sexuality. Those Consequences Might Be Lingering Guilt (Even After Confession) Or Repeated Sexual Temptation. Consequences Might Also Be The Inability To Enjoy Sex With Their Spouse. It Will Help To Bring The Work Of Christ Here As Well. Many People End Up Making Unhealthy “agreements” About Sex Or Themselves, About Men Or Women Or Intimacy, Because Of The Damage They Have Experienced Through Sexual Sin (Their Sin, Or The Sin Of Someone Against Them). You Will Want To Ask Christ What Those Agreements Are And Break Them!

7. PRAYERS

Lord Jesus, I Ask You To Reveal To Me Every “agreement” I Have Made About My Sexuality Or This Specific Struggle. [An Example Would Be “i Will Always Struggle With This” Or “i Can Never Get Free”  Or “my Sexuality Is Dirty.” Pause And Let Jesus Reveal Those Agreements To You. Then Break Them.] I Break This Agreement [Name It] In The Name Of My Lord Jesus Christ, And I Renounce Every Claim I Have Given It In My Life. I Renounce “the Hatred Of My Body”]. I Bring The Cross And Blood Of Jesus Christ Against This [Guilt Or Shame, Every Negative Consequence]. I Banish My Enemy From My Sexuality In The Mighty Name Of The Lord Jesus Christ. I Invite The Healing Presence Of Jesus Christ To Cleanse Me And Restore Me As A Sexual Being In Fullness Of Joy And Wholeness. I Ask You, Jesus, To Fill My Sexuality With Your Holiness, To Strengthen Me And Restore Me In Your Name.

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

8. PRAYERS

Finally, It Will Prove Helpful To Consecrate Your Sexuality To Jesus Christ Once More.

Lord Jesus, I Now Consecrate My Sexuality To You In Every Way. I Consecrate My Sexual Intimacy With My Future Spouse To You. I Ask You To Cleanse And Heal My Sexuality And Our Sexual Intimacy In Every Way.  I Ask Your Healing Grace To Come And Free Me From All Consequences Of Sexual Sin. I Ask You To Fill My Sexuality With Your Healing Love And Goodness. Restore My Sexuality In Wholeness. Let My Spouse And Me Experience All Of The Intimacy And Pleasure You Intended A Man And Woman To Enjoy In Marriage. I Invite The Spirit Of God To Fill Our Marriage Bed When It Comes. I Pray All Of This In The Name Of Jesus Christ, My Lord. Amen!!

Now Remember, Sometimes The Wounds And Consequences Take Time To Heal. You Might Want To Revisit This Prayer Several Times Over If Lasting Healing Has Not Yet Taken Place And Trust God For Grace.

Some Of You Will Also Benefit From Seeing A Good Christian Counselor For Cases Of Abuse And Such.

Hold Fast To These Truths:

You, Your Body, And Your Sexuality Belong To Jesus Christ. He Has Completely Forgiven You. He Created Your Sexuality To Be Whole And Holy. He Created Your Sexuality To Be A Source Of Intimacy And Joy. Jesus Christ Came To Seek And Save “What Was Lost” (Luke 19:10), Including All That Was Lost In The Blessings He Intended Through Our Sexuality!

Your Body Is The Temple Of The Holy Spirit.

I pray that God grants you understanding And Grace To Continually Stand Strong before temptations In Jesus' Name.

Kindly ask questions in the comments

Adesola Sinmileoluwa Heritage is a graduate of the Obafemi Awolowo University, CEO of Ladies Delight, a Relationship Counselor and lover of God. While she's not being too serious, she's cooking, hanging out with like minds and learning new things. She is a sister, mother, mentor, role model and daughter to many.