Blog: Two Become One

4 Things I Did to Save My Relationship from Crumbling After Valentine.

In an open conversation with her, Cindy decided to share how she saved her relationship that was on the verge of breaking after valentine’s day. Here is what she said:

At the start of this year, I did not think anything would push my relationship of two years and 7 months to a point of crumbling and destruction. It was a surprising yet painful experience. The day that was supposed to be a day of love became a day of hurt. I was so expectant of what this year’s Valentine’s Day had to offer me. I was already thinking of different things that I would do on that day for my partner. I already got him a little gift and I decided that I will also call send him a message. I would have loved to take him out or give him a bigger surprise but I was financially incapacitated so I had to let that part go and just make sure that in the little way that I make the day memorable.

Read: 4 Steps to Having a Joint Relationship Journal (Long Distance Relationship)

He also asked me what I will want for valentine’s day and I did not have an exact thing in mind. Since I am not one whose love language is gifts, I found it hard to mention the gift that I would want on such a day but I was sure that I wanted to be happy. So, I told him that I just wanted to be happy.

Read: 6 things You Can Do on Valentine's Day to make Him Love You More

Voila! The long-awaited day came. It was Valentine’s day. After posting his picture on my social media page, I sent him an email telling him how much I love and respect him and how life has been good with him. I let him know that he has been a good influence and impact on my life since we met. All these were true because since I met him, life has truly been better. Since we came together, we had both increased and gotten better in all aspects of our life.

4 Things I Did to Save My Relationship from Crumbling After Valentine

To be frank, he posted a few of my pictures which was good and made me happy, but it made me long for more. I was already imagining how the day will go for both of us and what plans he has for us since we were going to meet later that day. I was also expecting him to send me a message or call to at least wish me a happy valentine’s day and maybe tell me how much he loves me, nothing happened but my hope was still high. Later in the afternoon, I called him again to ask if he was having a great day. Also, that was part of the things that I had planned for the day. By then I had one more thing to do and that was to give him the gift I got him.

Later in the evening, he came to my house and we talked like every other day. I gave him his gift which he appreciated, but still nothing from him. I was already getting sad and angry, but I kept on calming myself down by saying “it’s okay, it is not about what he does, it is more about the heart”. We had a couple of friends over that day. One of our friends shared the gifts in his valentine package with us and we all chatted till it was time to go.

Read: 10 Things You can do on Valentine's Day to make Her Fall in Love with You Again

Our friends left first and when I was seeing him off, I then told him that I was mad at him. Peter stood there wondering what I was talking about. I told him what I was expecting and how I felt bad that I didn’t even get a happy valentine’s day message or call from him. I told him, how I wanted to just be happy but he made the day a sad one. This turned into an argument that lasted about an hour. It was a very hot one that made both of us question if we were meant to be together. We both agreed that we were not in the right state of mind to continue the conversation and we bid each other a very dry goodnight.

That night was not a restful one at all. A lot of questions kept on tossing and turning on the mattress of my mind. I was both angry, sad, unsure of what to think because even though I didn’t care about gifts, my almost 3 years boyfriend could not be thoughtful enough to make me happy on valentine’s day even when I tried all I could to make the day a memorable one. It wasn’t until 3 am the next morning that I was able to sleep. Waking up in the morning, I felt my emotions were a bit calm and I was able to think clearly. I sat up on my bed, said my morning prayer after which I started my tasks for the day. Although I was not totally out of the mood from the previous night, I was able to do a little work. It was when I was working that a question popped in my head, “will you let the mistake of one day ruin something you have been building for more than two years?” I immediately left what I was doing and thought about that question, and after a very long time of back and forth with myself, thinking if what happened between Peter and me the previous day was a red flag and if it won’t continue. It was then that I heard my phone ring. Guess who? Peter. The emotions I felt that moment was a lot, I felt a little angry, happy, sad, and relieved. When I picked up the call the first thing he did was apologize. He said after he taught about it he knew he could have done better but he didn’t just think about what to do on valentine’s day since I didn’t ask him for anything. I didn’t say much, all I did was tell him that I was sorry too for the way I unleashed my anger on him the previous day. I then asked him if we could talk later and he agreed. That was when I decided that I will save my relationship from crumbling.

Read: 5 Things to Know Before You Start Dating

Here are the things that Cindy decided to do in 4 basic steps to save her relationship from crumbling:

1. Be Vulnerable with your Partner

It is important to always be free and vulnerable with your partner because it is only when you share what is bothering you that you can be able to find a solution to it. Try to always open up to your partner in a constructive way so that you will be able to make things work.

2. Review Valentine’s Day or the Events that Cause the Issue

Here, it is important to review how valentine’s day went. Valentine’s day is only once a year but couples have clashes other days this must be is done every other day an issue comes up. Both partners should open up on what their expectation of the day was and let each other know if the expectations were met. It is also important to try to figure out why the day didn’t go as planned or why it went as planned. If the day didn’t go as planned, it is also important that the couple make suggestions on how they could make it better in the future.

Read: 2 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Sex Before Marriage

3. Learn to Speak Your Partners Love Language

We all grew up in a different environment and different situations hence we have different love languages. To be able to save your relationship from crumbling or to make the relationship one that you enjoy, you need to learn how to speak your partner's love language. There are 5 major love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Gifts, Physical Touch. Learning to speak your partner's love language will help you to know how to meet their needs and communicate love to them best.

4. Pick up a New Habit

Doing things together helps to bring more intimacy to a relationship. Couples that do different activities together either offline or online usually tend to spend more time together and get to know each other better. This does not mean that you should be in each other’s faces but it is a chance to get to know more about your partner. you can decide to read a book, study the bible, journal, listen to and review videos and podcasts you watch and listen to.

Read: 3 Ways to Enjoy the Love Triangle

With the above points, valentine’s day or a regular day, you can save your relationship from crumbling. You don’t have to let go of all that you have invested your effort, time, and emotions into because of a moment of a clash between you and your partner.

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3 Ways to Enjoy The Love Triangle: Not Your Regular Love Triangle

The emotions that follow when we hear the term "Love Triangle" are mostly negative and this is due to the type of love triangle we have seen over time. The general knowledge of the love triangle is one where two people are contending for the love of a third person. This type of love causes a lot of friction in the relationship between all three individuals involved in the triangle of love. Emotions like hatred, anger, sadness, and pain are found in a relationship like that. The contending partners if aware of each other's agenda always try to outsmart each other. The partner whom they are fighting for is mostly caught up in the web of confusion. It can become a very toxic relationship. And trust me when I say as much as no one loves to be in such a situation, a lot of people are found struggling to get out of their current love triangle.

Although, people run away from this type of relationship, the type of Love Triangle that we will be discussing in this article is not your regular love triangle. It is the type of love triangle that every individual in a relationship (most importantly, in a Godly relationship) should strive to be in. This type of Love Triangle brings more peace, joy, and order to the life of the individuals in the relationship. It gives contrasting emotions to that of the common love triangle.

If you have read up to this point, you deserve to know more about this love triangle. So,

What is this Love Triangle?

Of course, it is a relationship. A relationship that involves 3 individuals which are: God, You, and Your partner. Yes! What relationship can go bad when God is in it? This is a type of relationship where God is the true head. He leads the couple and they follow. If we are to have this in a pictorial form, we would have an equilateral triangle. The angle at the top will be labeled God, the angles on the right and the left sides will be labeled You and your partner respectively.

How it works is that God as the leader of the relationship is the one that directs the affairs of the relationship. He gives you and your partner instructions and you both come together to execute the instructions. This relationship has a lot of advantages that come with it, and here are 3 things you can do to enjoy this love triangle;

Understand the Purpose of the Love Triangle to you: You know the common saying "when the purpose is unknown, abuse is inevitable." It is the same with your love triangle, if you don't know the reason why you are in the Love triangle, you will not be able to harness the goodness in the relationship. This is to tell you that it is very possible to be in a Godly relationship and not live life or enjoy the benefits of being in it. The purpose of any true love triangle with God at the top is that it births true companionship. You can be there for each other while under the leading of the one true God. When you are in this type of love triangle, it brings true peace, serves as a way to build trust, helps you and your partner grow and be accountable to each other, it also provides you with strength. All these can be enjoyed when you know the reason you are in that love triangle. This also requires you to have a personal relationship with God as individuals so that when God is speaking you hear him, both as an individual and as a couple. Don't be in this love triangle without knowing why you are there. This helps to enjoy the journey better

Understand your role in the love triangle: Just as each part of the body has its function so does each member of the love triangle have their role to play to make the relationship work. Each person has to focus on playing their part along with God. In a love triangle, God speaks to each individual and they both come together to do what they need to do. At the same time, both individuals speak to God and the process continues like that. Should there be a partner who doesn't know that He is supposed to listen to God, when God is ready to give him answers to questions that will be of help to his relationship with his partner and his other part of his life, he will be ignorant of how to position himself to be able to be a channel of peace.

Respect everyone's position: there are times when your partner hurts you. Being in a love triangle requires you to respect God and respect the position of your partner and not just your partner. Doing this will help you enjoy the love triangle. For instance, if your partner fails to fulfill the promise she made, instead of being angry or resentful, you are required to love her and honor her position as your partner.

Thank you for reading up to this point, kindly take note

Being in a triangle is profitable and good for every relationship. It is a must-have in any relationship that wants to thrive.

Click here to watch a video illustration of the love triangle.

What other ways do you think we can enjoy your love triangle. See you in the comments section.

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5 reasons why keeping a joint relationship journal is essential for you and your partner.

2 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Sex and Sexual Activities Before Marriage

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5 Things You Should Know Before You Start Dating.

I once met a lady who was scared of entering a relationship because she didn’t know what she had to do to prepare herself for being in one. She seemed so confused and at the same time scared of the unknown. She looked at me and said “I think I like him, I am sure that I want to be in a relationship with him but I have never been in one and I don’t know what I need to do to prepare myself as I don’t know the rules that guide being in a relationship.” I could literally feel the fear, confusion and at the same time the love in her voice and the way she expressed herself. Then I said to her “no one really has a rule for how relationships must work, you just need to make it work for you.”

One thing I know is that making your relationship work and having the relationship of your dreams depends on you and your partner, and how committed you are willing to be in your relationship. Your relationship will only be able to thrive on what you and your partner have. Today, this is why we will be talking about 5 important things you should know before you start dating.

• Know Yourself: being in a relationship or dating someone requires that you open the door of your life to someone else. It is like bringing someone into your space. If there is anything you need to know, it has to be yourself. Your personality is what makes you distinct from everyone around you and except you are going to be dating yourself, your partner will never have the exact personality as you. Your temperament, your likes, and dislikes all make you who you are and you need to know yourself enough to recognize your needs and be able to able to communicate them to others, most especially the person you want to be in a relationship with. I need you to ask yourself “Who am I and what do I know about myself?”

• Know Your Values: we all have those things that we hold in high esteem never to be disrupted by anyone. Values are in form of morals, belief systems, and other things that you hold in high esteem. To make your relationship work, you must know these values so you will be able to communicate them to your partner and so that when a situation arises you will not be turned against yourself. Ask yourself “What value will I never compromise irrespective of the situation?”

• Know Your Stressors: a lot of things throw different people off the good mood lane. For some people, noise causes them a lot of harm than good, while some cannot survive in an environment that smells bad. For others, a schedule that is overpacked puts pressure on them, and with pressure comes stress. As small as this might be, it can be in the way of having a great relationship because when you are stressed, you are moody and can get touchy or cranky. We don’t want your partner to be a victim, because you do not know what stresses you nor how to communicate it to your partner. “What makes me sad?” is the magic question here.

• Know Your Boosters: no matter how stressed you become, you will have a certain activity that helps lift your spirit and restore your happiness. For some, it might be taking a nap, for another person it might be eating. Whatever helps restore your happiness, needs to be noted. Allowing your partner to know your boosters will help you get out of the bad mood faster. Ask yourself “What makes me happy when I am sad?”

• Know What You Have to Offer: what your relationship will have and how it will turn out depends on what you and your partner have to offer. I listened to a lady recently and she said “the lowest your partner should ever go is the lowest you met him or her.” This means that if you met your partner on a level 80 in life, your presence in his or her life should only cause an increase and not a decrease in his or her life. You should be an agent of growth in your partner. The question here is “What do I have to offer?”

By the time you have honestly asked and answered each of these questions, you will have prepared yourself for the relationship that you need. Although, you also need to learn the art of effective communication. Knowing all of these things about yourself without being able to communicate them appropriately is as good as not knowing them. Hence, the need to know how to communicate effectively.

“We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other can be.”

- Jane Austen

What other things do you think you should know before you start dating? Which of the above tips have you tried before or will you try? I will be glad to hear from you in the chat section. Also, would you like to listen to our podcast? Click Here to get more information about how to get the relationship of your dreams without losing the things that matter most to you.

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Hold Up: Growing Intimacy for LDRs (Book Review)

5 reasons why keeping a joint relationship journal is essential for you and your partner.

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How Deep are Your Wedding Vows?

Beyond the "I do" uttered every Saturday at many wedding ceremonies, a long lasting impression comes. the "I do" journey is one that begins from the first day two people meet each other, perceive something about the other and begin to love one another. Many people categorise the process from the initial meeting down to dating and courtship as the best period to understand whom your partner is and decide whether or not you will spend the rest of your life with such individual.

The practice of making vows or solemn promises to God deliberately was usually in exchange for some good work or miracle expected from God. It was performed in ancient times among the Israelites. Ordinarily a vow consists of a promise to offer a sacrifice, if God would give some assistance in a difficulty; hence, the Hebrew word neder (pluralised as nedarism) means a vow, oath and votive offering.

The origin of vows in scriptures is traced far back into the Old testament where the prophets of old gave vows. One exceptionally popular vow is recorded in Japheth's account

The popular wedding vows said during weddings today are not in the Bible. However, they are based on biblical principles. The Bible defines marriage as the joining of two into one, according to Genesis 2:24 and according to Mark 10:9, a union must be for life. For two people to be joined, there must be love, honour, and submission.

Every marriage vow must acknowledge the fact that every good and perfect gift comes from above just as James 1:17 puts it. Marriage is a good and perfect gift, especially to the one you truly love. This is one necessary

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When You Like Someone outside your Relationship

As humans, it is very possible that you have random feelings for people that you meet on a daily basis. Your ability to keep your emotions under proper check is what makes you overcome those feelings. But what happens if you are in a relationship and you suddenly have emotional feelings for someone outside your relationship? Is this really possible? How best can you manage a situation as this?

First, it is very possible to be actively engaged in a relationship and yet have feelings for other persons. The likely cause of this is

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Understanding His Honour and Her Love

Let's take cuff-links to represent the male gender and earrings to represent the female gender. In the same manner, there are catalysts that spurs the love between partners. These catalysts brings a new dimension to the general picture of Love which should be a focus here. These two items are quite symbolic as although, they form a pair, they are still distinctive in the gender of who or who does not use it.

In Ephesians, women are instructed to honour and respect their men and the men in return are expected to wholly love their women. Honour and love thus seem like a necessary due that should be paid by both partners in the relationship or marriage.

Dr Emerson Eggerichs best explains these two concepts in his book, Love and Respect. Honour and respect. Honour is

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5 Ways to Keep a Long Distance Relationship Alive.

Hello love, how are you today? As slow as it may seem we are on the 18th day of our 30-day journey. I am super thankful to you for always finding a home in Lolonyo. After the last couple of posts on how to keep a joint journal, I got a lot of requests to talk about what long-distance relationship couples can do to keep the fire burning in their relationship and that is what we will be doing today.

One important thing about long-distance relationships, just like any other type of relationship is that the couples should be ready for compromise. A common example in any relationship is about calls. One of the pair might not like to make calls, but to make the relationship work, will have to learn to do that. It is key that you intentionally make time for each other. Here are 5 tips to keeping your long-distance relationship alive.

1. Make Video Calls:

The world is digital now and this has caused a great shift in our daily living, this includes our means of communication. As a couple, you both can decide on what medium you want to use to communicate. The truth remains in this day and age, distance is not so much of a barrier with the existence of mobile phones and computers.

When you choose the medium of communication you prefer, you can have video calls to talk about how your day went, your activities, and anything there is to talk about, just have fun.

2. Study the word & Pray together:

You might want to use a video or voice call for this, the choice is yours. As a Christian couple, prayer should be one of your strongest pillars. You should understand the place of prayer and the word of God in your life and relationship. One of the things you can do together is to pray and speak God’s blessings into each other’s lives and your future as a couple.

3. Have Deep conversations:

It is often the case in most long-distance relationships that when the couple gets to talk after a long day of work and various events, due to tiredness, would only have surface conversations like; what they ate, the clothes they wore out, what happened at work and how tired they are, but this is not all there is to a relationship, especially one heading towards marriage. As a couple, despite all kinds of constraints, you should do well to create time to talk about things in your future as individuals and as a couple, doing this will help you to get a deeper insight into each other, know who your partner is and what they can do.

4. Read books or watch videos and review them:

There is no limit to what long-distance couples can do as long as the physical activity can be done virtually. As a couple in a long-distance relationship, you can choose to read a book and come together on a video call to review it. If you and your partner are not people who love to read, you can watch educative, enlightening, or entertaining movies or videos and have a review session on it. Both of you will get a chance to share your point of view on the movie or video. Remember, the point is in keeping your relationship alive despite the distance.

5. Don’t be in each other’s faces:

Remember the post about turn-offs in a relationship, this is one of many possible turn-offs. As much as you want to keep your relationship alive, you should understand that your partner has a life of their own and both of you have different things to deal with, so you cannot always demand their attention. Being in each other’s faces can be seen as obsessive and tiring thereby draining out the joy and peace you have experienced in your relationship so far. So, you should always give each other some breathing space so that each time you come together, you can have calm and meaningful conversations.

I hope that with these you have a few ideas on how to keep your long-distance relationship alive. There is a lot more you can do like online dates, sending gifts, writing love letters or emails, it's left for you to get creative and remember that distance is not so much of a barrier.

Till tomorrow, I love you and know that love is beautiful, so let’s nurture it to bliss.

Related Post:

Hold Up: Growing Intimacy for LDRs (Book Review)

Other posts:

5 reasons why keeping a joint relationship journal is essential for you and your partner.

2 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Sex and Sexual Activities Before Marriage

Should You Spiritualize Everything in Your Relationship

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Sisi Salewa 2 (Infatuation or Love)

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5 tips on how to survive a breakup.

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5 Simple Steps To Having The Best Relationship Journal

Hey darling, I hope the day is going as planned? Yesterday, we talked about 5 reasons why keeping a joint relationship journal is essential for you and your partner. Today we will be talking about 5 simple fun steps to having the best relationship journal. You should take note that these steps will lead to more fun and connection in your relationship, especially points 1 and 3.

Go journal shopping:

One of the major aims of doing this is so that you both can agree on a journal that you like while having fun and spending time together. You and your partner can decide to pick out a day where you want to do general shopping, add a journal to your shopping list. You can also decide to go journal shopping with your partner after which you can go on a picnic date where you both can start using your journal.

Agree on Who to Hold Journal:

Because you both are in a relationship and are not yet living together, someone must be responsible for the journal. This will give you bought an opportunity to take responsibility for something that belongs to both of you. You can also decide to switch the responsibility from time to time.

Never Fill the Journal in the Absence of Your Partner:

This point has spoken for itself. There may be times when you are not with your partner but you feel like you need to record an event, Don't! The point of doing this is so that you both can share the emotions and spend time together well writing in your journal. Watch out for tips on how long-distance relationships couples can keep a joint journal.

Attached Pictures:

Visuals like pictures and images help to relate better to different occurrences. To make your journal more fun, colorful, and memorable you both can take time to attach pictures to the various event that you decide to record in your journal. It can also be images or objects, anything that can bring emotions to life at all times.

Never Journal Without Date and Location:

Who does not like an accurate journal? It will be stressful when doing the future you need to remember when and where an event occurred. Adding date and location to each memory in your journal will make it more fun because it will be like a little reference book where you can go to anytime you need to remember an event or an anniversary.

The point in doing this make memory while you have fun, learn and spend time together. I look forward to hearing your journal stories. Till tomorrow, know that love is beautiful and we can nurture it to bliss. I Love You.