Self Love: How to Love Yourself in Your Relationship

In today’s society, it can be difficult to develop a healthy concept of self-love but you have to love yourself before anyone else can. self-love isn’t about being egotistical or arrogant, it’s about being secure in your identity.

Sometimes believers think self-anything is a sin but, when you learn to love yourself, you’re able to sustain healthy relationships. If you’re insecure, no amount of love from your partner will ever be enough.
A huge aspect of learning to love yourself properly is seeing yourself the way that God sees you.

He loves us so much that while we were in sin, Jesus came and died for us (Romans 5:8). So, no matter how we feel at times, we have to remember that we were worthy enough for Him to give His own life. This truth should empower you to value yourself.

We are significant to the Lord, He made us joint-heirs with Christ! When you fully understand this and recognize your importance, you’ll start to see yourself differently and begin to love yourself inside out.

Here are a few practical tips to help you love yourself more.
Surround yourself with healthy people and community.

When you’re determined to love yourself, it’s crucial for you to be around others who love themselves and speak life consistently. If you’re always hanging out with negative people, it’ll start to rub off of you. Spending more time with those you admire can go a long way in gaining self-confidence.
Enjoy your own company.

If you hate being alone it could be a sign that you don’t love yourself enough. Now, you don’t have to isolate yourself but solitude can rejuvenate you. This could be as simple as taking yourself to the movies or going for a long walk. Maybe you could take a class or do something you’ve wanted to do but no one had any interest. This is YOUR time — do you!

Spend time with God.

Spending time with God can look like different things for different people. Maybe for you, it’s watching a teaching on YouTube, or journaling, or maybe it’s taking a nature walk. Whatever you can do to feel more connected to God and hear His voice.

You don’t have to wait for Sunday service to get in the presence of God. Turn on some worship music, pray, and rest in Him. Tell Him what’s on your mind and how you’re trying to develop healthy self-love. There’s something about knowing that the God of heaven and earth is with you, and His love will spark your own.
Cherish what you have and who you are NOW.

This is a big one! So many times we get caught up in thinking that soon we’ll have this and one day we’ll be happy. We fantasize about the perfect life scenario and we’re so fixated on that idea that we overlook how blessed we already are. This leads to depression and makes it difficult to love ourselves.

Make the very best out of everything you have as it is right now. Be present and don’t forget to smell the roses because life is so sweet! There’s nothing wrong with desiring more but don’t downplay all that you do have. As you work toward the life you want, take on the mindset of gratitude — it’ll make the journey that much better!

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Date on His Purse or Dutch on Us

Right! Whenever you man up and foot every popping bill, it does this wonder boosting to your ego, you feel manly and when she sits there and watch you pay each time, it does this cruel bruising to her pride.

Every lady who has a premium-quality-starter-packed for a wife material wouldn’t comfortably watch you settle the bills every time. Yes! She will want you to know that you two are in it together, she’ll itch to make you see her as the helper she’s been made and not siphon from you always.

A parochial approach to things however causes some men to view ladies who pulled out their wallet and settle bills as depriving them of feeling manly. Or worse, claiming equality with them. No she’s not.

There is this mutuality that doing things together fosters rather than you always being at the bill end all the time. If you maintain it’s your sole responsibility to settle the bill and wouldn’t even want to see her pulse anytime another one pops up, don’t be surprise you are going to make her stick to the kitchen and never expect your help in that zone too. When something benefits two people and only one person is the whole burden, the relationship becomes a sinking ship but when something benefits two people and both are all hands on deck about it, the relationship then becomes partnership. Ladies too, don’t wreck your guy because he is a man, he is a man and not an iron rod.

Dutch is simply each man for himself and God for us all. You pay for your meal and I pay for mine. While this may be cool, however it will subconsciously introduce this distance feeling into your relationship on the long run. Compared to dating couples who simply come together and get it all done as a twain.

So on your next date, how about let her the bills if she offered to and you get the movie tickets. Relationship can be a lot of fun without one party feeling like she is becoming a burden or the other thinking his place as a man is being threatened.

 -Adeyemi Comfort Oluwatoyin

3 Lies that Satan tells Singles and How to Combat them

The devil has a reputation as the father of lies
 

1. You need to Date

When the devil comes to you, he brings up seemingly interesting discussions such as "how will you be able to handle a relationship if you’ve never been in one? You need to learn how to talk to people of the opposite sex. You’re awkward... and all that" He also tells you that, dating will help you be prim and proper for when you meet the one. However, this seemingly harmless advice can turn harmful. Soon enough, you will need to practice kissing, intimacy and other things in order to be prepared for your significant other. Incidentally, when you meet the person God has for you, you might be broken and dealing with soul ties. 

This is why it’s best to trust God’s timing and not force situations to happen. Feeling that you need practice does not indicate your trust in God. God will use experiences, tests and even the mundane parts of your life in order to prepare you for your future spouse (read the book of  Ruth). Trust that God is working all things for your good.

2. You’re Too Old

If you are having a crisis because your biological clock is ticking, you should know that it's the devil's lie at work. Do not fear because God’s timing is not always the same as yours. The devil will usually come through your relatives and friends who will begin to pressure you into a relationship because you’re almost 30. You’re panicking because with each additional year, you feel that your opportunity of meeting someone significantly decreases. However, God can place someone at a bus stop who can completely transform your life. We must have child-like faith and trust that God knows what we need.

If you are older and haven’t met your spouse, you are in good company. Jesus started his ministry at 30 (and was single whilst on earth) and Joseph began serving Pharaoh when he was 30.

3. You’re not Good Enough

No one likes you. You’re too weird, fat or (fill in the blank with the lie the enemy has for you). Counter these lies with God’s truths. You have to be aggressive in casting down the taunts of the enemy! God says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. When lies are entrenched in your psyche, it affects your countenance, how you talk and your self – esteem. When God finally blesses you with a good thing, you may be constantly doubting yourself. As a result, the relationship suffers.
Counter these lies by soaking yourself in God’s word. Mediate on His promises. Be proactive in what you allow your ears to hear, eyes to see and lips to utter.

4 Things I Did to Save My Relationship from Crumbling After Valentine.

In an open conversation with her, Cindy decided to share how she saved her relationship that was on the verge of breaking after valentine’s day. Here is what she said:

 

At the start of this year, I did not think anything would push my relationship of two years and 7 months to a point of crumbling and destruction. It was a surprising yet painful experience. The day that was supposed to be a day of love became a day of hurt. I was so expectant of what this year’s Valentine’s Day had to offer me. I was already thinking of different things that I would do on that day for my partner. I already got him a little gift and I decided that I will also call send him a message. I would have loved to take him out or give him a bigger surprise but I was financially incapacitated so I had to let that part go and just make sure that in the little way that I make the day memorable.

Read: 4 Steps to Having a Joint Relationship Journal (Long Distance Relationship)

He also asked me what I will want for valentine’s day and I did not have an exact thing in mind. Since I am not one whose love language is gifts, I found it hard to mention the gift that I would want on such a day but I was sure that I wanted to be happy. So, I told him that I just wanted to be happy.

 

Read: 6 things You Can Do on Valentine's Day to make Him Love You More

Voila! The long-awaited day came. It was Valentine’s day. After posting his picture on my social media page, I sent him an email telling him how much I love and respect him and how life has been good with him. I let him know that he has been a good influence and impact on my life since we met. All these were true because since I met him, life has truly been better. Since we came together, we had both increased and gotten better in all aspects of our life.

 

To be frank, he posted a few of my pictures which was good and made me happy, but it made me long for more. I was already imagining how the day will go for both of us and what plans he has for us since we were going to meet later that day. I was also expecting him to send me a message or call to at least wish me a happy valentine’s day and maybe tell me how much he loves me, nothing happened but my hope was still high. Later in the afternoon, I called him again to ask if he was having a great day. Also, that was part of the things that I had planned for the day. By then I had one more thing to do and that was to give him the gift I got him.

 

Later in the evening, he came to my house and we talked like every other day. I gave him his gift which he appreciated, but still nothing from him. I was already getting sad and angry, but I kept on calming myself down by saying “it’s okay, it is not about what he does, it is more about the heart”. We had a couple of friends over that day. One of our friends shared the gifts in his valentine package with us and we all chatted till it was time to go.

 

 

Read: 10 Things You can do on Valentine's Day to make Her Fall in Love with You Again

Our friends left first and when I was seeing him off, I then told him that I was mad at him. Peter stood there wondering what I was talking about. I told him what I was expecting and how I felt bad that I didn’t even get a happy valentine’s day message or call from him. I told him, how I wanted to just be happy but he made the day a sad one. This turned into an argument that lasted about an hour. It was a very hot one that made both of us question if we were meant to be together. We both agreed that we were not in the right state of mind to continue the conversation and we bid each other a very dry goodnight.

That night was not a restful one at all. A lot of questions kept on tossing and turning on the mattress of my mind. I was both angry, sad, unsure of what to think because even though I didn’t care about gifts, my almost 3 years boyfriend could not be thoughtful enough to make me happy on valentine’s day even when I tried all I could to make the day a memorable one. It wasn’t until 3 am the next morning that I was able to sleep. Waking up in the morning, I felt my emotions were a bit calm and I was able to think clearly. I sat up on my bed, said my morning prayer after which I started my tasks for the day. Although I was not totally out of the mood from the previous night, I was able to do a little work. It was when I was working that a question popped in my head, “will you let the mistake of one day ruin something you have been building for more than two years?” I immediately left what I was doing and thought about that question, and after a very long time of back and forth with myself, thinking if what happened between Peter and me the previous day was a red flag and if it won’t continue. It was then that I heard my phone ring. Guess who? Peter. The emotions I felt that moment was a lot, I felt a little angry, happy, sad, and relieved. When I picked up the call the first thing he did was apologize. He said after he taught about it he knew he could have done better but he didn’t just think about what to do on valentine’s day since I didn’t ask him for anything. I didn’t say much, all I did was tell him that I was sorry too for the way I unleashed my anger on him the previous day. I then asked him if we could talk later and he agreed. That was when I decided that I will save my relationship from crumbling. 

Read: 5 Things to Know Before You Start Dating

 

Here are the things that Cindy decided to do in 4 basic steps to save her relationship from crumbling:

1. Be Vulnerable with your Partner 

It is important to always be free and vulnerable with your partner because it is only when you share what is bothering you that you can be able to find a solution to it. Try to always open up to your partner in a constructive way so that you will be able to make things work.

2. Review Valentine’s Day or the Events that Cause the Issue

Here, it is important to review how valentine’s day went. Valentine’s day is only once a year but couples have clashes other days this must be is done every other day an issue comes up. Both partners should open up on what their expectation of the day was and let each other know if the expectations were met. It is also important to try to figure out why the day didn’t go as planned or why it went as planned. If the day didn’t go as planned, it is also important that the couple make suggestions on how they could make it better in the future.

 

 

Read: 2 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Sex Before Marriage

 

3. Learn to Speak Your Partners Love Language 

We all grew up in a different environment and different situations hence we have different love languages. To be able to save your relationship from crumbling or to make the relationship one that you enjoy, you need to learn how to speak your partner's love language. There are 5 major love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Gifts, Physical Touch. Learning to speak your partner's love language will help you to know how to meet their needs and communicate love to them best.

4. Pick up a New Habit 

Doing things together helps to bring more intimacy to a relationship. Couples that do different activities together either offline or online usually tend to spend more time together and get to know each other better. This does not mean that you should be in each other’s faces but it is a chance to get to know more about your partner. you can decide to read a book, study the bible, journal, listen to and review videos and podcasts you watch and listen to.

 

Read: 3 Ways to Enjoy the Love Triangle

With the above points, valentine’s day or a regular day, you can save your relationship from crumbling. You don’t have to let go of all that you have invested your effort, time, and emotions into because of a moment of a clash between you and your partner.

3 Ways to Enjoy The Love Triangle: Not Your Regular Love Triangle

The emotions that follow when we hear the term "Love Triangle" are mostly negative and this is due to the type of love triangle we have seen over time. The general knowledge of the love triangle is one where two people are contending for the love of a third person. This type of love causes a lot of friction in the relationship between all three individuals involved in the triangle of love. Emotions like hatred, anger, sadness, and pain are found in a relationship like that. The contending partners if aware of each other's agenda always try to outsmart each other. The partner whom they are fighting for is mostly caught up in the web of confusion. It can become a very toxic relationship. And trust me when I say as much as no one loves to be in such a situation, a lot of people are found struggling to get out of their current love triangle.

Although, people run away from this type of relationship, the type of Love Triangle that we will be discussing in this article is not your regular love triangle. It is the type of love triangle that every individual in a relationship (most importantly, in a Godly relationship) should strive to be in. This type of Love Triangle brings more peace, joy, and order to the life of the individuals in the relationship. It gives contrasting emotions to that of the common love triangle.

If you have read up to this point, you deserve to know more about this love triangle. So,

What is this Love Triangle?

Of course, it is a relationship. A relationship that involves 3 individuals which are: God, You, and Your partner. Yes! What relationship can go bad when God is in it? This is a type of relationship where God is the true head. He leads the couple and they follow. If we are to have this in a pictorial form, we would have an equilateral triangle. The angle at the top will be labeled God, the angles on the right and the left sides will be labeled You and your partner respectively.

How it works is that God as the leader of the relationship is the one that directs the affairs of the relationship. He gives you and your partner instructions and you both come together to execute the instructions. This relationship has a lot of advantages that come with it, and here are 3 things you can do to enjoy this love triangle;

Understand the Purpose of the Love Triangle to you: You know the common saying "when the purpose is unknown, abuse is inevitable." It is the same with your love triangle, if you don't know the reason why you are in the Love triangle, you will not be able to harness the goodness in the relationship. This is to tell you that it is very possible to be in a Godly relationship and not live life or enjoy the benefits of being in it. The purpose of any true love triangle with God at the top is that it births true companionship. You can be there for each other while under the leading of the one true God. When you are in this type of love triangle, it brings true peace, serves as a way to build trust, helps you and your partner grow and be accountable to each other, it also provides you with strength. All these can be enjoyed when you know the reason you are in that love triangle. This also requires you to have a personal relationship with God as individuals so that when God is speaking you hear him, both as an individual and as a couple. Don't be in this love triangle without knowing why you are there. This helps to enjoy the journey better

Understand your role in the love triangle: Just as each part of the body has its function so does each member of the love triangle have their role to play to make the relationship work. Each person has to focus on playing their part along with God. In a love triangle, God speaks to each individual and they both come together to do what they need to do. At the same time, both individuals speak to God and the process continues like that. Should there be a partner who doesn't know that He is supposed to listen to God, when God is ready to give him answers to questions that will be of help to his relationship with his partner and his other part of his life, he will be ignorant of how to position himself to be able to be a channel of peace.

Respect everyone's position: there are times when your partner hurts you. Being in a love triangle requires you to respect God and respect the position of your partner and not just your partner. Doing this will help you enjoy the love triangle. For instance, if your partner fails to fulfill the promise she made, instead of being angry or resentful, you are required to love her and honor her position as your partner.

Thank you for reading up to this point, kindly take note

Being in a triangle is profitable and good for every relationship. It is a must-have in any relationship that wants to thrive. 

Click here to watch a video illustration of the love triangle.

What other ways do you think we can enjoy your love triangle. See you in the comments section.

Other posts:

5 Things You Should Know Before You Start Dating

5 Ways To Keep Your Long Distance Relationship Alive.

Hold Up: Growing Intimacy for LDRs (Book Review) 

5 reasons why keeping a joint relationship journal is essential for you and your partner.

2 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Sex and Sexual Activities Before Marriage

Should You Spiritualize Everything in Your Relationship

Self-love before Romantic Love

Infatuation or Love?

Sisi Salewa 2 (Infatuation or Love)

Sisi Salewa 1 (Infatuation or Love)

5 Major Turnoffs to Avoid in Your Relationship

Èmí Ògá (The Spirit of the Boss 2)

Èmí Ògá (The Spirit of the Boss 1)

5 Things You Should Know Before You Start Dating.

I once met a lady who was scared of entering a relationship because she didn’t know what she had to do to prepare herself for being in one. She seemed so confused and at the same time scared of the unknown. She looked at me and said “I think I like him, I am sure that I want to be in a relationship with him but I have never been in one and I don’t know what I need to do to prepare myself as I don’t know the rules that guide being in a relationship.” I could literally feel the fear, confusion and at the same time the love in her voice and the way she expressed herself. Then I said to her “no one really has a rule for how relationships must work, you just need to make it work for you.”

One thing I know is that making your relationship work and having the relationship of your dreams depends on you and your partner, and how committed you are willing to be in your relationship. Your relationship will only be able to thrive on what you and your partner have. Today, this is why we will be talking about 5 important things you should know before you start dating.

• Know Yourself: being in a relationship or dating someone requires that you open the door of your life to someone else. It is like bringing someone into your space. If there is anything you need to know, it has to be yourself. Your personality is what makes you distinct from everyone around you and except you are going to be dating yourself, your partner will never have the exact personality as you. Your temperament, your likes, and dislikes all make you who you are and you need to know yourself enough to recognize your needs and be able to able to communicate them to others, most especially the person you want to be in a relationship with. I need you to ask yourself “Who am I and what do I know about myself?”

• Know Your Values: we all have those things that we hold in high esteem never to be disrupted by anyone. Values are in form of morals, belief systems, and other things that you hold in high esteem. To make your relationship work, you must know these values so you will be able to communicate them to your partner and so that when a situation arises you will not be turned against yourself. Ask yourself “What value will I never compromise irrespective of the situation?”

• Know Your Stressors: a lot of things throw different people off the good mood lane. For some people, noise causes them a lot of harm than good, while some cannot survive in an environment that smells bad. For others, a schedule that is overpacked puts pressure on them, and with pressure comes stress. As small as this might be, it can be in the way of having a great relationship because when you are stressed, you are moody and can get touchy or cranky. We don’t want your partner to be a victim, because you do not know what stresses you nor how to communicate it to your partner. “What makes me sad?” is the magic question here.

• Know Your Boosters: no matter how stressed you become, you will have a certain activity that helps lift your spirit and restore your happiness. For some, it might be taking a nap, for another person it might be eating. Whatever helps restore your happiness, needs to be noted. Allowing your partner to know your boosters will help you get out of the bad mood faster. Ask yourself “What makes me happy when I am sad?”

• Know What You Have to Offer: what your relationship will have and how it will turn out depends on what you and your partner have to offer. I listened to a lady recently and she said “the lowest your partner should ever go is the lowest you met him or her.” This means that if you met your partner on a level 80 in life, your presence in his or her life should only cause an increase and not a decrease in his or her life. You should be an agent of growth in your partner. The question here is “What do I have to offer?”

By the time you have honestly asked and answered each of these questions, you will have prepared yourself for the relationship that you need. Although, you also need to learn the art of effective communication. Knowing all of these things about yourself without being able to communicate them appropriately is as good as not knowing them. Hence, the need to know how to communicate effectively.

“We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other can be.”

- Jane Austen

What other things do you think you should know before you start dating? Which of the above tips have you tried before or will you try? I will be glad to hear from you in the chat section. Also, would you like to listen to our podcast? Click Here to get more information about how to get the relationship of your dreams without losing the things that matter most to you.

Other posts:

5 Ways To Keep Your Long Distance Relationship Alive.

Hold Up: Growing Intimacy for LDRs (Book Review) 

5 reasons why keeping a joint relationship journal is essential for you and your partner.

2 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Sex and Sexual Activities Before Marriage

Should You Spiritualize Everything in Your Relationship

Self-love before Romantic Love

Infatuation or Love?

Sisi Salewa 2 (Infatuation or Love)

Sisi Salewa 1 (Infatuation or Love)

5 Major Turnoffs to Avoid in Your Relationship

Èmí Ògá (The Spirit of the Boss 2)

Èmí Ògá (The Spirit of the Boss 1)

How Deep are Your Wedding Vows?

Beyond the "I do" uttered every Saturday at many wedding ceremonies, a long lasting impression comes. the "I do" journey is one that begins from the first day two people meet each other, perceive something about the other and begin to love one another. Many people categorise the process from the initial meeting down to dating and courtship as the best period to understand whom your partner is and decide whether or not you will spend the rest of your life with such individual.

The practice of making vows or solemn promises to God deliberately was usually in exchange for some good work or miracle expected from God. It was performed in ancient times among the Israelites. Ordinarily a vow consists of a promise to offer a sacrifice, if God would give some assistance in a difficulty; hence, the Hebrew word neder (pluralised as nedarism) means a vow, oath and votive offering.

The origin of vows in scriptures is traced far back into the Old testament where the prophets of old gave vows. One exceptionally popular vow is recorded in Japheth's account

The popular wedding vows said during weddings today are not in the Bible. However, they are based on biblical principles. The Bible defines marriage as the joining of two into one, according to Genesis 2:24 and according to Mark 10:9, a union must be for life. For two people to be joined, there must be love, honour, and submission.

Every marriage vow must acknowledge the fact that every good and perfect gift comes from above just as James 1:17 puts it. Marriage is a good and perfect gift, especially to the one you truly love. This is one necessary

When You Like Someone outside your Relationship

As humans, it is very possible that you have random feelings for people that you meet on a daily basis. Your ability to keep your emotions under proper check is what makes you overcome those feelings. But what happens if you are in a relationship and you suddenly have emotional feelings for someone outside your relationship? Is this really possible? How best can you manage a situation as this?

First, it is very possible to be actively engaged in a relationship and yet have feelings for other persons. The likely cause of this is