How to Know if he or she is the one for You
One of the reasons why some people have not given love a chance is because of the fear of getting into the wrong hands. I am sure you know that one person who has been indifferent relationships but they all ended broken. This happened even when they decided to be serious with their love life and now they go up and down saying to the universe that there is no such thing as true love and thinking to themself that true love only exists in Disney movies.
We shouldn't blame them because we were never in their shoes nor did we experience with them the hurt they went through. They must have hoped and prayed relationship after relationship that the person they were with at the moment was the one for them, their 'last bus stop'. They must have had the happy ones that made them think that all was fine and this time they are doing everything well. But in the blink of an eye, their love wall of Jericho began to crumble again until it fell not to be rebuilt.
If you know this person or people like this and they hold a place in your heart I would say that you share with them today's post. If you are the one just stay with me because today I am going to be letting you know one of the important ways that you would know if the person you are going out with is the one for you. We will be talking about various other points for about a couple of weeks ahead so stay with me as I said.
You are already in this relationship or you are planning to start again but a part of you is scared that this one might go wrong again. Here is one simple way you can know if that person is worth your precious love, time, and attention.
"How You Feel with Him or Her."
Most of the time we tend to look at who the person is, what the person does, where the person is in life, what's the person can or cannot do, what drives the person, while we forget to think about how we feel when we are with the person. You will agree with me that with some people you definitely cannot show your true self. When you are with them you are more or less holding your breath. You try to be who you are not and try to laugh at their dry jokes and you do all this hoping that things will get better along the line, that there will be a balance between you both, forgetting that holding your breath for too long would exhaust you.
When you are with that person and you have to become an amoeba that changes shape along with the person's emotions. You definitely can tell that this is not you that will be with your friends or just a random stranger that you just met. My darling, I am sorry to tell you this, but that gentleman or lady is not the one for you.
You need to always be with that person that sees you for who you are and allows you to be the best you can be. Someone that helps you recognize your weakness and strength and help you put them to maximum use. That person that you can be your goofy self with, laugh with, joke with, pull light pranks on, and have fun with. That person is the one that will make you feel the best you can. Someone that makes you forget the spelling of Pretense.
If you are with that person right now or you are planning to be with that person who may still be in the friend zone right now, I can tell you that you can give it a shot now. All things being equal, should lead to greatness.
This is not the only way but one of the best ways to know if he or she is the one for you. It is a very important one at that.
In the last post on how to know if that person is or is not for you, in that post, we discussed paying attention to how he or she makes you feel when you are together or when their thoughts crosses your mind. Most of the time we neglect this part all in the name of “love is blind” or “she would change overtime” but the truth is the moment you start faking the real you, pay attention, because it is a big red flag.
Although, it is important to pay attention to the way you feel around that person it is also important that you know that this is not the only way to know if that is the person you are supposed to be with. So, today we will be talking about another important thing we need to pay attention to.
We are not asking you to be selfish right now. However, you must know that before anyone, it has to be you first, because this process is about you checking if you are compatible with this person and this takes me to the next question.
Do Your Values Align?
We were all raised in different environment and under different conditions so you do not expect you and that person to be 100% on the same page. Do not get me wrong it can seem like you and that person you just met a totally on the same page in your first or second even up to the fifth time of meeting and having conversations but you will soon start to realize that even though you love the same football team, you like to eat the same snack, you both like to work in a quiet environment, or maybe you are both indifferent about the kind of environment you carry out your task. There are still some things that you both do not have in common. This thing might not be in form of habits they might be those precious things you take as your core values.
Take for instance you are a lover of God and you cherish having about an hour to listen to God in meditation but due to the environment this new person that you like was brought up, he or she just believes there is a God somewhere that we pray to and that is basically it. This person prays when he wills and attends church on Sundays. You will agree with me that on the spiritual level you are not on the same page.
First things first, I need you not to look at the person as bad because we are a result of our environment. Maybe he or she didn’t have the opportunity you had or due to some things life as fashioned another pattern in the person. Until you are in that person’s shoe do not blame him or her. At the same time you should not just look over something as important as that.
I will not tell you to leave the person or cut all relationship with the person but I would advise that you don’t take an important step as starting a relationship with that person you can start out on a mutual base where you become a friend to the person and from there you discuss more about God do your thing and let the person see you do those things that matter to you.
Take note of this ‘do not force your values on someone else. As much as you want a future with that person, do not pressurize him or her into being who he or she is not rather, be the example, the change you want to see and let him or her change at will.’
This act will not only help you to know if you are supposed to proceed into a relationship with this person, it will also help you to see the person on a better level and by doing this you get to know if the person is progressive and ready to learn.
When you take this kind of step, two things can happen, either the person will withdraw from you or the person begins to see reasons in what you do and he or she begins to do these things consciously or unconsciously- which is a good one but I would like to point out that even after the person begins to do those things or begin to see reasons why they should cherish those things that of value to you do not be quick to act because some people can pretend as if they care. So, you really want to be sure that is what it is.
With all these said I would suggest that in all you do, “do unto others what you want them to do to you” So as much as you want to look into the person’s value and how it aligns with yours don't forget to also open yourself to the good values they have so that things can actually balance up.
Last week, I really had to let us talk about You and the important role you have to play in the whole relationship process. I must confess it was a great one. Today we are talking about another important way to know if that person is the one for you.
I am sure that you have been with different people at different stages of your life, male and female alike. You have made friends and grown relationships with family members, some stronger than others, some are long lost and some are just growing. One thing that is peculiar to all of these relationships is that there was a reason or a season in life that brought you together with these people.
There are many reasons for you being in a relationship with those friends of yours, but in a more intimate relationship, there is a little difference.
Now is the time to introduce today’s pointer. Drum roll…
Do you love him or her for a particular reason?
Loving (just) because
It is no longer news that there are a lot of people who love their partner just because he or she is nice enough to share what he has with them. For some, it is more about their partner’s physical appearance, because she is short (arm rest height) & cute and you think that’s the best reason to love her or start a relationship with her.
Most people just look for the benefits they can or would derive from the relationship, which should not be.
We should always have it at the back of our minds that being in a relationship requires a good amount of selflessness. Can you say you love the person without a reason?
We should always remember that beauty fades, everyday is not Christmas so when you are looking into starting a relationship with someone, you need to look deeper and look past physical appearances, material gain, monetary gain and pleasure. These things should not be crossed off the list of what you should look for in a person but it should not be the basis of your choosing them.
You should look for other attributes that are more defining about the individual, is he or she kind, patient, understanding, progressive and ready to grow and learn, does your value align?
Do you see a future with him or her (this is a whole post you should wait for). This will help you get a better view at who the person is and you will be able to tell, to a certain extent, if you should start a relationship with him or her.
I know that you’re a smart and intelligent person, that’s why I’m always eager to come join you at this table to talk about things as important as these. I hope that you have been able to understand that there is more to starting a relationship journey with someone than the peripheral gains.
Always remember, I love you and I can’t wait to join you here again next week to discuss more important things, love, laugh, smile, learn, munch our cookies or popcorn, sip our juice or tea or whatever it may be that you enjoy reading with.
Hello love how are you today?
I hope you have been doing fine.Writing to you today again brings so much joy to my heart and smile to my face, having this little chat with you means so much to me and I hope it does for you too.
Today, we move to the last part of our How to Know If He or She is the one for you series.
It is so funny the way people go into relationship just for the fun of it these days. You see two people together who just want to while away time- how fun is that?
You see that person and you clearly know that there are no chances of you both ending up together as a married couple but you still choose to waste that time investing in what is not going to last- how interesting.
Lolonyo is not just the community that helps you love but helps you to learn how to love yourself, how to love your partner and how to love others in a godly way. If that is the case let us then take a look at what it means to be in a Godly relationship. If you are with that person and you are considering being with him or her I would like to ask you- with the habits, behaviors and attitudes the person has do you see yourself being with the person at the long run? This is a very important question to ask, because God wants us to make maximum use of our singleness and not spend that time with the person you clearly see no future with probably because of the fun of it or because of the pleasure, money and material things you get from them.
This question is one that people push over saying “we never can tell if we would end up marrying the person” A lot of people say things happen and no one knows tomorrow but the truth is that you should be with the person that you can see a future with.
If you don’t see a future with that person there’s no point starting a relationship with him or her because not only will you be wasting your time you would also be pouring your energy and resources into the wrong person all to end it after a while.
God intends for us to be in a purposeful relationship. His will is for us to come together not only to love on each other but also to look into the future together, to work on achieving our life purpose and building a kingdom family.
if you do not see yourself becoming a better version of yourself, you don’t see yourself fulfilling your life purpose with that person, you don’t see yourself parenting with that person then there is no point setting yourself up for the pain.
Taking a stroll back to the beginning of this series:
In part 1 we discussed paying attention to how you feel when you are with the person.
In Part 2 we discussed about value alignment with the person.
In part 3 we discussed loving without reason.
Here we are in the last part talking about seeing a future with that person and this is where we end this series.
Disclaimer: in choosing who to be with, there are more things to consider but for the purpose of this series, we will be stopping here.
I hope you were able to learn from this series and I do hope that with this few pointers you would be able to choose the right person.
I would also be glad if you can share with the community more points on how to know if that person is the one for you. Thank you.
Remember, love is beautiful and I love you.