Dating God

Many people have an idea of the things you should know or must have attained as a man before you go into a relationship, most of which are assumptions and conclusions made by societal standards that we see everyday. True as they may be, there's the position of your relationship with God as far as your past and present is concerned. Before you go into a relationship, you should understand the lady  from the standpoint of God and that's the reason why you MUST date God before you date her. Dating God here thus means establishing a firm relationship with God first, before embarking on another with your spouse.

 

In Mark 12:28-34,

    28: And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all?

    29: And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord:

30: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

    31: And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

    32: And the scribe said unto him, Well, Master, thou hast said the truth: for there is one God; and there is none other but he:

    33: And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.

    34: And when Jesus saw that he answered discreetly, he said unto him, Thou art not far from the kingdom of God. And no man after that durst ask him any question.

Verse 30 clearly explains that it is first needed to love the Lord with all of a man's heart and his totality. It extends to define that no other form of sacrifice can be compared to the sacrifice of love. While Jesus amended the commandments into love- loving God and then others, He implied that a man cannot love his fellow being without first loving God. It also explains in extension that the proof that a man truly loves God is expressed in his love for other individuals.

Oppositely today, there is no "one on one relationship" with the father. Life will be more interesting and simple if we get more intimate with God. The reason why we have half baked Christian couples as seen in Hosea 8 is because there is no love for the father. There is a void in every man that only God can fill and there is a void in God that only man can fill. This is one reason why a relationship between man and God must exist- John 3:16

 

God proposed his love to us by sending his son to die for us and the only part that we have to play is by loving him back. "WE must have the consciousness of the love of God where ever we go and in whatever we do". Dating God is not just an act, it is a full commitment. Dating God means loving God.

In our relationship with the father, we have to do it in such a way that we don't want to hurt the father. If you are not conscious of the fact that God loves you, you will suffer. In this relationship with the father we are not allowed to cheat.

In your relationship today, share the love of God with her that you may please the father. Keep telling him that you love Him and show him your commitment. He shall keep you.

Ephesians 5:24-27, James 2:5, JOHN 14:15

How to Deal with Matters Arising in a Relationship

A relationship is the coming together of two imperfect individuals and as such, it is impossible to live without any issues. Having this knowledge is one thing, while the ability to deal with these issues when they arise is another. 

 

Anything you know he/she does or believes that you don’t agree with, trash it out. There’s no point trying and struggling if it won’t give you peace and happiness.

Deal with it.

If she has a house and you have none, you’d prefer to rent an apartment or stay under bridge? Whether your answer is a Yes or a No, it is hinged on one the following:

1. Understand Your Social Construct

You have probably seen a lot of things happen in your environment and it has become something that has shaped your ideas about topics like this - maybe a neighbor who used to talk about you not being man enough if your wife is doing something or association with a culture where the woman is not allowed to make contributions socially or even financially.

2. Your background

You might have lived in a family where your dad did everything and your mum did less or nothing at all. You begin to form an ideology from this that you also have to “man up” and see that your wife does nothing. Hence, you be come socially pressured. You want to get everything. You want to do everything. You want to be the Odogwu (😂) and “be a man”. Whereas, she can help you. She can contribute. She can supply some while you do the others. But you have strong head.

3. Bound Your Past Experiences

You have probably had experiences with women who make the whole world know when they do something for you. But trust me, this happens with men too. There are also men who always want to exercise power and show that there’s a man in the room. You hear things like “I’m supposed to be the man of the house” when they’re not even married to you yet. It happens with both genders. If you base your judgement on this, you'd miss it. The fact that your ex was a scum doesn’t mean all wo/men are scum. You just need to have the right agreements and find out about their core values even before things start to get serious. Know their views on certain issues that are controversial. Talk about it and come to an agreement.

Whichever one has been what built your mentality, you have to restructure your mind. How?

You have become ONE flesh and she’s your help meet. If she can’t help you, why should she be there? 

 

A pastor whose father always beat his mother and while he grew with his family, he saw it as normal and had a special cane for his wife to “correct her”.

#backgroundissues

 

Read: 10 Games Every Long Distance Couple Should Play Today

3. Bring Jesus into the Situation

The best illustration to bring into your relationship is that of Jesus and the Church. If I had a house and Jesus had none, would He move into mine? YES! This is because He even chose to use my body as a temple so He could remain there forever and ever. He also gave us the power to use our abilities to do the things He didn’t finish up while he was on earth. You see? So, Jesus won’t prolly stay under bridge or rent a house because He’s... Always use Jesus Christ and the Church and you won’t miss it.

4. Do a mind Restructuring

By doing a mind restructuring, you simply need to evaluate your belief systems and look at what others also think about these things. Think about it and be open to the view of others - compare and contrast. If you think it’s a gender issue, meet other people who are of the same sex and opposite sex and ask questions (I do this a lot). Know what they think and be sure of what you want to believe.

5. Don’t be hard on Yourselves

You honestly don’t need to believe what every other person believes. Just have a mind of your own and do what’s best for you and your partner. You must understand that every relationship writes it’s own story and for no reason should you be the villain and oppressor in your story.

 

Babe and I were evaluating our relationship one time and he talked about how he loves to speak with me very often. I found that “guyyy. We will finish the talk.” and God said “Do we ever finish our talk?” 😂 Oh. So, because we don’t and never do with God, I can’t finish talk with this guy. (If you ever ask what people in relationships talk about everyday— this is it)

wise in spending and understands partnership models especially when it has to do with money. He did this with his disciples for the tax collectors.

You do the school fees, I do the basic bills. You prepare the food, I take the children to school. Partnerships.

Conclusion

If you have had to deal with a matter arising in your relationship, kindly share how you handled it

How to Apologise When You Are Not Wrong

Who says apologizing makes you weaker in your relationship?

Whether you admit it or not, apologizing can never be a sign of weakness in a relationship, because you can only apologize if you’ve really got the guts and courage to confront him or her. However, there are some people, who you will probably know of, that are just in the habit of apologizing because they feel that their relationship is at stake. I believe it is not wrong to keep apologizing just for the sake of saving your relationship.

When we speak of who is to say “sorry” in a relationship, it is very important to always remind yourself that nobody on this earth is perfect. We will have one flaw or the other and it is absolutely OK to make mistakes and offend our partners at one point in time or the other (it should eventually result to a proof that you both are compatible)

A supporting quote from a certain love and relationship expert confirms what I am saying in essence: “Apologizing does not always mean that you have done wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your own ego”.

Actually, it is a very tricky thing to accomplish when you apologize, knowing fully well that you have done nothing wrong at all.

Sometimes, it will be very obvious that your partner or spouse is the one at fault. But with the mentality of “This is not all about me, this is not all about him, it’s about us. ” Then you will understand that there are some situations that you will need to be the one saying “Its okay, I’m sorry about everything”. Such understanding must have gotten you to be reading this article.

Well, I will confirm to you based on personal experience in my previous relationship that the manner which you apologize, guilty or not, just your decision to apologize will definitely determine whether you will be forgiven or not. An apology without forgiveness or reunion is nothing. It is better not to have even apologized in the beginning. If the apology does not sound sincere, chances are they will not be accepted at all.

The subsequent consequences of your relationship, courtship or marriage could be so tough. But trust me, your inability to apologize to your spouse when needed can also aid even a tougher consequence.

So your partner keeps falsely accusing you of something you actually did not do or know nothing about? And you just feel like this is a mess, like you are under a very disturbed attack?.

Those words of apologies fail to escape from your lips? And you feel that this is all about you alone. No sweetheart, it has got something to do with the interest of your relationship.

There may be a need for you to be the storm calmer. You may need to be the one to apologize. This could be the best and simple way to get going in your relationship, to prevent it from hitting a snag.

Now, I want you to understand that there is a large story to play. Do not put yourself under unwarranted pressure, guilt or blame. You are only doing it because there is every need to. It is not all about buying the best red flowers, shedding tears or simply saying “sorry” in a best-structured way. It has to be sincere.

There are some ways you can apologize even when you have done nothing wrong.

Why apologize, anyway?

There are numerous reasons why you should be the one making a sincere apology when you have done nothing wrong.

When you apologize, you help the other person acknowledge that he or she has engaged in an unacceptable behaviour. It paves the way for your partner’s willingness to admit his or her mistakes and gives an opportunity to encourage sound communication between both of you.

In a way, your apology can help in the rebuilding of trust and reestablishing of that connection you have with the other person.

Far worse, If the situation of “who did wrong? ” had drained the rhapsodical conversations between you both, your apology automatically opens a dialogue between yourself and the other person.

What is more, when you help the other person admit that the situation was nobody’s fault by apologizing, you are restoring dignity to yourself, the one who is hurt.

Your apology when you have done nothing wrong shows that you are taking responsibility. It makes you feel a sense of relief and unveils that matured side of you when it comes to handling betrayal.

Of course, I can agree with you if you say that your partner must apologize for his or her wrongdoings, it’s highly expected. But look, If your apology is the only thing that can possibly hearten your now-deterring relationship, then DO IT. So long as you value such a relationship. You know, not everyone has the same stand like you.

Undeniably, I understand that apologizing when you are not wrong may seem irksome and difficult. But have you ever wondered why apologies are difficult?. Some people feel that they will be full of shame and embarrassment over the actions that can not bring themselves to the face of their partner. But the truth is, apologies requires courage, whether guilty or not guilty. It may seem to put you in a vulnerable position when you admit that you are the one who has done wrong.

In most cases, it opens you up to more false blame and attack. This is a reason why some people struggle to show this courage to apologize even when they are innocent. But there are ways; psychologically proven ways that you can apologize even when you are not wrong. It is just to make peace and ensure things are smooth as before. Here are a few ways to apologise when you are not wrong.

1. Play the Bigger role

Putting things off for a very long time only gives space for anger and grudge to grow. Sometimes, your partner was wrong and you were a little wrong too. It is also important for you to play a bigger role by being the bigger person in this issue, accept the negative aspect of the situation in order to proceed, then apologize. When you both discuss, later on, you can eventually pour out your mind to your partner how he or she had made you feel. You have to take the stance to bite the bullet and apologize. The likelihood is that your partner will do the same thing for you.

2. It is wise to listen well

No matter who is at fault, you have to exercise your listening skills when you want to apologize for what you have not done. Why? In a situation where you need to apologize, the other person will surely have some different feelings about the same situation on ground, in contrast to yours. Hearing is different from listening. I have heard people say ” I’ve heard all that he has to say, there is no point apologizing”. I’ve also heard people say “I’ve listened to him,I think we need to settle our differences”. Yeah, when you listen and not just hear, you tune in (using your mental focus), putting yourself in your partner’s shoe and acknowledge that you understood what they said. It is time for you to listen to what they have to say first like it is your job. No interruption, no disagreement. Listen first, and then apologizing becomes easier.

3. It is not enough to just say it

So sometimes ago, you and your spouse agreed to go to the movies at 9pm. And after waiting for two hours, he called that it should be postponed. Now you feel disappointed as it was a big deal to you, his apologies had no effect, you got a little bit mad and decided to take rough reactions. After several potholes, you just decided to apologize for something he had started in the beginning. After a couple of weeks, same thing happened and you took same rough action and kept on willingly apologizing for what you did not actually start. What is the essence of an apology when your actions do not speak with it?. Your action in this situation will speak louder than words. If you do not follow through, you have crossed the line into deterring your partner’s trust. Let your action speak too. It is part of you playing the bigger role.

4. Apologize with a clear head

Before you apologise, take a very good time to think things over. You need to understand what the other person has done, why it was done, and what is has caused on your relationship. Why does it upset you so much that you find it hard to apologize? , except your partner has done something knee-jerk which demands immediate apology. If you do not go into your apology with a clear head, you could just start with a fit of residual anger or resentment and make it even worse. Think things over, whether it is just a little wrong or a major relationship crime that takes time to be sorted out.

5. Apologize in the Right Way

If you’re concerned that your words won’t come out right when you apologize, write down what you want to say, and then role-play the conversation with a trusted friend or colleague. However, don’t practice so much that your apology sounds rehearsed.

Once it’s time to do the deed, you have to do things right, which means you have to get into full-on apology mode. No phones. No text apologies. No TV in the background. Just you, your partner, and some real eye contact. And then you just have to apologize. Say, “I’m sorry I…” and explain what you’re apologizing. This will kick start the discussion and open the door for you both to share your feelings.

6. Don’t give excuses

When you are apologizing, you will be tempted to explain your actions. This may be useful, but from personal experience, explanations are often seen as excuses, and these can weaken your apology. Don’t shift part of the blame onto someone or something else in an attempt to reduce or elude responsibility.

Here is an example of using excuses in an apology:

I’M SORRY THAT I SNAPPED AT YOU WHEN YOU BARGED INTO MY OFFICE YESTERDAY. I WAS SO BUSY AND MY BOSS DEMANDED MY PROJECT REPORT AN HOUR EARLIER THAN PLANNED.

In this particular case, you excuse your behavior because of stress, and you imply that the other person was at fault because he bothered you on a busy day and barged into your office. This makes you look weak.

6 Lessons from Naomi to Singles

The story of Ruth and Naomi opens you up to many lessons which the old woman taught her daughter in-law. These lessons are salient ones that singles need in their waiting seasons. The lessons come in form of simple instructions that once understood and applied, it begins to yield the needed and expected results. In the next few lines, let us take a brief journey into scriptures as we take a look at these lessons.

 

1. Never Assume. Be sure it's God's will for you

Ruth was not just looking for any man. She had a specific one in mind - God's will, and she was ready to go all length to get only God's will. This is not similar to an extreme liking for a guy/lady and then going to pray about him/her because of your previous affections. Naomi however had done her assignment and so she was able to tell Ruth where to find him: "...he is winnowing barley tonight at the threshing floor" (Ruth 3:2)

2. Deal with your Past

Naomi said to Ruth, "...wash yourself..." (Ruth 3:3). In order to gain acceptance with Boaz, Ruth could not approach him looking and smelling like Moab. She needed to settle her past so that it would not sabotage her future. Do not remain contaminated with stories and worries of breakups, jilts and every past. Just sort out your emotional baggage. To properly sort this, you would need to prayerfully and confidently tell him/her everything about your past and if he/she is truly for you, then he/she would accept you for who you have become and not what your past contains.


3. Have the right attitude: Naomi said to Ruth, "...anoint yourself..."(Ruth 3:3). In Bible times, people anointed themselves with oil in order to be refreshed and renewed. In essence, Ruth needed a change of attitude as many singles need toay.


4. Be willing to stand out in the crowd: Ruth was instructed to "...put on your best garment..." (Ruth 3:3). You need to get noticed, look good for approval. There is a need to stand out and be exceptional. (Remember, you are not mourning).


5. Make sure you are in the right place: Naomi told Ruth, "...Go down to the threshing floor" (Ruth 3:3). Why? Because that was where Boaz was. You should not feel out of place when you are in the right place neither should you be at the wrongplace when you should be at the right. Many consciously or unconsciously move away from where their spouses are.

6. Understand the importance of timing

Naomi gives Ruth one strong one here by saying "... Do not make yourself known unto the man until...". Ruth had waited a long while as we know but she did not need to push or rush things. Pushing things is getting pregnant before marriage (so that he would be stuck right?), making proposal moves before he does and so on. Things should only happen at the appointed time uhn...

Dear single brother/sister, the truth is the truth. If the government decides to kill all mathematicians today, 1+1 would still equal 2 because it's the truth. I have come to confirm every advice Mummy Naomi gave Sister Ruth as true.

Follow them, your spouse cometh!

The Importance of Friendship in a Relationship

There is a common saying that “it is better to marry your best friend” and another that “the devil that you have known for a hundred years is better than the angel you just met”, are these sayings true? What does this mean? What if my best friend is not the kind of person that I would love to spend the rest of my life with? What if my best friend and I are of the same sex? All these are what we would be looking into in this post.

Many people get attracted to their partner due to different reasons. For some, the attraction came from the way they heard their partner talk; for others, the first attraction came from the mode of dressing or an act of kindness from their partners. Whatever the case maybe, something has to spark that first attraction for you to like that person. You would agree with me that it would be hard for you to like someone whose personality you cannot even cope with or whose values are entirely different from yours. This is to say that no matter who you would like to be in a relationship with, you would like them to be a person that you can relate very well with.  

  Research has shown that most of the couples that have a happy marriage were friends before they got married. For a relationship to be a good one, you and your partner have to connect on more than one level. This is where friendship comes into play. There is a need to be able to play, plan, read, pray, execute goals with your partner comfortably, this will help to strengthen the relationship and help you bond well with your partner. But how do you bond with someone you don’t even know? Let me start by saying that the person you want to start a relationship with is not necessarily supposed to have been your friend. But, no matter how you met, never skip the friendship stage. 

Tasha just met Ken at the mall and both of them exchanged phone numbers because they had a short time to talk at the mall while they were shopping and they got along so well. They also found out that they agreed on some things like soccer being a really nice game. Later the next day, Ken called Tasha and they both went out for an ice-cream. They had the time to talk more and get to know other things about each other. It was an evening of absolute cruise and thrill as the both of them had lots of fun talking about different things. In the midst of all the fun, Ken decided to ask Tasha a sweet and sincere question, so he said,

 “hey, I find out that we get along so well, and I feel like I have known you for years, (chuckles). Tash, the funniest thing is that we both even love soccer, really, I am so glad I met you at the mall yesterday."

Tasha said, “yes… it has been all fun moments with you.”

Then Ken said, “I would be really glad if we can take this friendship to another level.”

Tasha: "ok…?" (looking a bit shy and confused with a smile on her face)

Ken: "Tasha, I know we haven’t even spent up to 24 hours together but we’ve known so much about each other, so I decided to ask you, will you please be my girlfriend?"

Tasha, now all red and blushing said: "yes! yes! yes! I will love to."

****************************************

Hell no! that was not Tasha’s reply. Tasha said:

“ Ken, the truth remains, I have never felt so connected with a guy, I mean, I also feel like I have known you for a long time, and the fact that we agree on so many things? Wow... but ken, I cannot be your girlfriend, at least, not now. This is because I would really love us to get to know each other even better, so to be fair, let me ask, can we be friends?”

The point is that Tasha was able to put her emotions aside and let herself think. She definitely knew that at some point in the relationship, things might go wrong. So, no matter how bad you might want the relationship, never ever skip the stage of friendship (should I increase the volume?). The friendship stage is essential so that both individuals will get to know the basic things about each other. Things like this include their values, their drive, hobbies, life purpose, family background, personal discipline, work ethics and so on. This might look like a long and endless list of stressful things to do but they are the things that will help you know if you are compatible. Mind you, it is not possible to know all about that person at the stage of friendship.

It is also easy to feel like we can get to know these things while we are dating but the truth is if you remain friends for a reasonable time and watch each other closely, you will be able to discover new things about the other person even without asking them. By just paying attention and observing each other while being friends, you will know if your values and life’s purpose align and you will be able to decide the persons true personality to an extent. It is not possible to hide your true personality for a long time in a friendship and this is because true friends tend to be free with each other. If you are very observant, you will notice some red flags and green flags. In cases where you have discovered that the bad attributes are way more than the good attributes, you will be able to save yourself from having to break up any relationship because you never started one.

Big point: it is not about marrying your best friend, but more about not skipping the stage of friendship in your relationship. It is also not about settling for the devil you’ve known in years but being patient and observant enough to know if the new angel is not another devil in disguise.

 

Our 2024 Love Letter

                                 To you, my darling. 

Hey Sweetie,

If you ask me, I want this year to be full of adventures and challenges because by your side I feel super capable of anything, you are the muse that motivates my great works you give me so much strength to fight for my dreams you are everything to me.

It is I Lolonyo and I say Happy New Year Love.

How are you in this year 2021? How have the past five days been for you? I hope it has been good and I hope to hear from you. Feel free to share with me on my email For me it has been a lot of planning and replanning as I didn't get the chance to start planning for the year-earlier and that is why I haven't gotten in touch with you over some time.

I have got a lot of queries as to why lolonyo hasn't started anything this year and I would like to say I am sorry for keeping you waiting.

Before I move too far let me say that I cannot quantify how grateful I am to you for making 2020 a great year. It would not have been that good if you, my darling reader didn't come through for me both to read and drop your comment. Here we are again in this new year I just need you to know that your opinions of very valid in this community. I look forward to hearing all that you have to share with me. I would be glad to know those relationship topics that you would want us to talk about on the community blog and all our social media pages.

If this is your first time in the community, welcome, I am glad to have you here and I hope you always find a family here in the community.

This year I would love to pour out my heart to you all of the time, to let you know what exactly fuels this passion that I have for talking and building Godly relationships. It would be of great help to me if you take a few minutes, just about a couple of minutes to subscribe to the community blog page by hitting the subscribe button and follow the community both on Twitter and Instagram @lolonyonb. 

Your feedback means the world to me please keep it coming this year- let's do you! let to us! Let's show the world that love is truly beautiful and here is where we nurture the bliss of love- Lolonyo (Nurturing Bliss)

Lastly, my first relationship advice to you this year is to make sure that in all your relationships both romantic and unromantic, you always find a way to calm down and communicate effectively. Let's us all cut some slack, times will come when that person you love or trust so well will wrong you, times when you will feel betrayed and hurt (it won't be all fun throughout the remaining 330 days of this year) but please do not let your ego set in to make worse what a simple conversation would have solved, seek peace and understanding always. Above all seek love, just calm down and discuss it with all sincerity. 

Albeit, you would love to solve all those problems and pretend that those occasions that angered you never came into play- you should also not close your eyes to the red flags. Hold yourself in high esteem (you deserve to be happy always) and be true to yourself and all those around you. Do to others what you want them to do to you. Enjoy your year and I hope to hear from you soon.

2 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Sex Before Marriage

There was once an online challenge where parents were to test their children’s obedience and resistance to sweet things.

When Tami saw this challenge, she decided to try it with her kids- Katy and Elon who are 5 years and 7 years old respectively. Tami placed a box of chocolates in front of Katy and Elon and told the both of them not to eat any and to watch it till she comes back. She told them that they would get to eat the chocolates when she got back and then said goodbye. Katy and Elon happen to love chocolates so much, what child doesn't? Their mom seemed to be taking long Three things could happen;

• Katy and Elon could overcome their temptation by being obedient and waiting for their mom.

• Both of them could have decided to go against their mom's instruction and eat the candies anyway.

• The last thing is that Katy and Elon could have decided to play a wise game of taking the chocolates, licking 

them, and placing them back in the box.

Ok! This is the point where we eave the kids and their mom. Do you want to know what Katy and Elon did?

In most cases, dating or courting couples find themselves in place of Katy and Elon when it comes to sex and sexual activities. In this case, couples are Katy and Elon and their mom is God. The box of chocolates is sex. In relationships, three things can happen;

• Partners may choose to be obedient to the will of God and keep sex till after marriage
• Some don’t care about keeping sex sacred. They just go for it anyways.
• The last set of people are those that feel they are wise and then decide to engage in other sexual activities like kissing, caressing, pornography, etc.

Today, we will be talking about the last two sets of people. Those that don’t care and those that try to be wise. And that brings us to the 2 reasons why you should avoid sex and sexual activities before marriage.

1. It Is a Sin against God

I can already almost hear you say ‘there you go again!’ but it is what it is. 1st Corinthians 6 says a whole lot about sexual immorality, especially among unmarried couples. As children of God and God’s creation, we are meant to live for His glory and make ourselves a living sacrifice to Him (see Romans 12:2). Having sex outside of wedlock would only displease Him.

2. It is a Sin Against Yourself

1st Corinthians 6: 15-16 & 18-20 said it plainly and explicitly. You cannot join the body of a prostitute with the body of Christ and because of our nature in Christ and because our body is the temple of Christ, we have to hold it in high regard. The moment you commit these sexual sins you separate yourself from Christ and remember that John 15:5 already made it clear that the one who is cut away from Christ shall do nothing good. How then is this not sin against yourself because you have just succeeded in separating yourself from the graces that you were supposed to enjoy?

Conclusion

These two reasons are why you should not have sex or allow sexual activities that would trigger sex to happen between you and your partner before marriage. 

And for Katy and Elon, they chose to obey their mother and wait till she got back from wherever she went to.

How to Know

Remember that man that wants to swim and the lady seeking a Godly relationship from the last post? Yes… They had something in common and that is recognizing the goal, they knew what they wanted. I asked a question in the last post “what happens if one does not know the purpose of his existence?”. What happens if we don’t know? If you are reading this post and you are single, I will like to say congratulations because you are really lucky (you have the time to discover yourself), but if you are already married, or courting/dating, I say to you, it is not too late at all to know the reason for your existence.

How then do I know?

Permit me to refer to the scriptures, Matthew 22:37-39 explains the connection between having a relationship with God and having a relationship with a man. There

e has to exist in you a connection with your greater self, you need to know yourself and the only way to do this is to connect with God so that He will open you up and help you see that unique purpose of your existence, he will help you to know what to look out for in your life and relationship. It is only when you can connect with God and connect with yourself, will you be able to connect with others in the right way because you can only love someone at the level that you love yourself.  Discovering yourself then requires respecting yourself, loving yourself, and knowing your core values.

To all my single folks, this is the time to discover yourself, don’t be in a rush to enter into a relationship that you will end up regretting and rushing out of. You need to know yourself and this period of singleness is the best time you have. You need to take your time to build a relationship with God so that He will show you things that are hidden about you but can be a stumbling block or a rising stone to you in your future relationship and then he will show you how to make good use of them. Do not be pressured because you are still single and all your friends are in a relationship or are engaged. The point is not in being engaged nor being in a relationship but knowing how to sail the boat when you are in it, what then happens is, you don’t have what it takes to be a sailor, but you still decide to sail the boat of relationship? Nothing but disaster happens. This means before you decide to sail a boat you need to have understood what it takes to be a sailor, understand how life on a boat works, water flow/current, different weather, and what wave-type comes with them. It is the same in a relationship, you have to build yourself to be ready for the relationship and then be aware of the does and don’ts in a relationship so that when you finally get into one you won’t regret it.

Imagine you go into a relationship without knowing what you want from life or the relationship or you build all your relationship goals on mere fantasies (just like the Disney princesses happily ever after stories) and you enter a relationship with someone just like you. The both of you will wake up one day to regret deciding on entering into that relationship, why? Because it is not as you envisioned it to be, and that is because you envisioned it wrongly because you didn’t prepare yourselves for the responsibility that comes with being in a relationship. As much as you what to mingle try to know what you want out of it (relationship), know yourself, and work on yourself by having a relationship with God first and then with yourself.

 

Èmí Ògá - The Spirit of the Boss

Who is the boss?

What is wrong with his spirit?

What exactly does the term “emi oga” mean?

These and many more are the questions we will be discussing today. 

What is “Emi Oga”?

If you are Nigerian and you are reading this post, you probably have heard people say ‘emi oga’ but in case you are not Nigerian or you are Nigerian but you don’t have a clue as to what emi oga is, I am here for you today. Before I started writing on this topic I asked some people if they know what “emi oga” means and what comes to their mind when they hear some people call themselves ”emi oga”. Some had an idea of what it meant, while some didn’t. Some have a healthy view of the origin and meaning of the saying  “emi oga”, some dislike the idea of people calling themselves “emi oga” while some don’t even care. Some thought only some certain kind of females call themselves “emi oga”. But I am here 

today to tell you what my view on “emi oga” is and should be (to the children of God here striving to have a godly relationship and a godly marital life).

In its literal form, “emi oga” means the spirit of the boss. This is a term used commonly by young ladies (in a relationship or situationship) and women in Nigeria, and just the way any other term can be misused- “Emi Oga” has also gotten into the hands and mouths of those that abuse its true meaning. At the inception of the relationship between Adam and Eve, God never planned for Eve to be a liability to her husband rather, God created them to live together, to be fruitful and multiply which means they both had a role to play and no one was created to be a servant to the other. 

This is to let us know that a true relationship is not meant to be a host-pest kind of thing. But for the people that misuse the term ”emi Oga”, this is what they mean: all they need to do is to sit down and be taken care of by their husband or partner. Someone who spends her husband’s money without working for her own money.

 

Why Do Some Ladies Have This Kind of Mentality in a Relationship? (The Wrong Perspective of Emi Oga)

If we say it is because they are women and it is what ladies are capable of, or because they are lazy, we will only be scratching the surface of the matter. Honestly, the only reason why someone will wake up to decide that they just want to be in a relationship with a rich man or get married to a wealthy man that will get them all their needs is just that they have failed to understand themselves,(THEY LACK THE KNOWLEDGE OF SELF). A lady that has taken time to study herself and understand her purpose for being on earth will not want to sit on a spot and be taken care of. Rather, she will look for ways to improve herself and let others do the same by carrying out assignments per time. A woman that has a true sense of self will know what is required of her and go for it at every point in time. Even when this woman is a full housewife, she still knows her duties and contributes to the house. She is industrious and knows how to take good care of her family.  She is a forward-thinking female, a future-thinking female. This woman can do all these because she understands herself.

A lady that does not understand herself will not be able to make use of her potentials to evolve into her best self. She will be dearly interested in just passing each day without stress while she spends her partners' money and receives surprises. Another common claim that some ladies have for doing this is that “their partner loves them enough to take care of them and that he is not complaining”. As women and young ladies, we should understand that men have egos and they don’t like to be perceived as weak or incapable, they also love to see the one they love to enjoy and not suffer- so they will not complain.

Hey love, it's another day of this precious journey of ours. A big thank you for always giving me the chance to come and discuss hot boiling relationship topics with you. I hope you had a good night's rest?

Yesterday was so fun and as usual, thank you for making effort to know what èmí ògá is all about as well as peoples perceptions of "Èmí ògá". Today, we will be looking into what the whole èmí ògá thing is supposed to be like. So sit back, grab your drinks and snacks and ride with me.

What Should Emi Oga Be Like?

When you say you love your partner, the person may be “Emi Oga” to you because the person plays an important role in your life and you do the same for the person. Your partner can be “Emi Oga” to you because they have helped you become more and supported your dreams. The term “Emi Oga” is not supposed to be used in a relationship where only the man is working, doing all the caring for, and providing the needs of the wife. In a healthy relationship, the wife/ female partner is also supposed to play a supportive role, take care of her partner, buy him things, surprise him with gifts. When God saw the need for Adam to have someone like him, He created Eve to be his “helpmate”, “a suitable companion” not a liability to her husband. Ladies should strive to be creative and innovative in all they do. Even a full housewife can do something aside from being a full-time mom. This is not for herself alone but her children, because by doing this she is teaching them to become more and do more.

Dear woman and young lady, try to create a life and environment where your partner can be free to also call himself “Emi Oga”. Doing this makes your partner feel loved and respected, in turn, he gives you all the love you need and respects you for who you are. Doing this also increases your worth because you contribute significantly to your family and society. Looking at it well, giving your partner a chance to be “Emi Oga” is giving yourself a lot more chances to be “Emi Oga”. It is a win-win.

Thank you for choosing to be more and not just a piece of furniture whose work is to beautify the house and nothing more. I hope that with this discussion of ours, you now understand what it truly means to be “Emi Oga”. I cannot wait to hear your feedback. Till tomorrow, know that I love you and that love is beautiful so let us nurture it together.

Love Is Important

Human beings place importance on different things and the level of importance we place on those things. The level of importance you will attach to something would vary from the level of importance your friend would attach to that same thing.

At a point I asked myself "isn't there something that should be of importance to all humans?" that was when I realised there is actually something that brings us all together when it comes to importance and that is Love. Yes love, I know you might want to argue that even love is not important but I would still say that Love is the single most important thing in the world.

It is the love that you have for a particular thing that would make you want to live your life doing it. It is the love that you have for a particular person that will make you want to live for the person or make sure that the person is comfortable at every point in time. It all boils down to a deep sense of love.

Here in the community we talk about love, how to build a Godly relationship, how to love one another in a way that would help us to have peace and happiness in our lives, homes, families and a lot more.

 

It is good that we build very strong relationships that will help us throughout the year and years to come. But it would not speak well of us if our relationship with our partners and other people is based on the things that are not of importance. That is why you should let your relationship be based on Love.

Love for the person and love for who the person is.

 

Conclusion

To truly love a person is to always think about the person when you are making decisions that concern them. We should learn to build relationships on the right bases, do not build your relationship on the ground of what you can get alone, determine the important things. Do not be willing to take without giving. If you are starting a relationship because of the value of knowledge you get from the person be willing also to give some level of value to that person. In this way you will be able to enjoy the bliss of that relationship.

5 Relationship and Marriage Lessons from Abraham and Sarah

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told through some chapters of the early part of Genesis. It doesn't dwell much on their early stages of marriage but on their later stages of their lives and their marriage. Abraham was a committed servant of God who served, respected and honored God with everything He had all his life. Sarah was his precious wife, who had to go through the rigour and heart breaks, fights and disagreements that might have arose with her inability to bear a child for her husband. We can imagine people calling Sarah "barren", "witch", and other kinds of names. You can also imagine nights so quiet that the couple most especially Sarah had to cry themselves to sleep, for the lack of the voice of a child to fill in the silence. Still, they both continuously served God and obeyed Him. Continuously because if Abraham was the only one serving God without Sarah's support, there would have most likely been problems. Their story includes a time where Sarah and given up on her ability to have children thus, decided to give her slave Hagar as a wife to Abraham with the hope of helping God fulfill His promise of making Abraham a father to.many descendants. The union brought forth Ismael, a son whom God promised greatness because he was Abraham's seed. In our study for today, the story continues to talk about God's promise of a son to Abraham when he was 99 and Sarah was 90.

It was during this encounter God changed both names from Abram to Abraham and from Sarai to Sarah.. covenant names, a signal/proof of God's covenant to them. Their story continues with Abraham and lot his relative parting ways because of disagreements. Then comes Abraham's decision alongside Sarah to lie to Abimelech a king with the fear that he would kill Abraham to take Sarah. Sarah was beautiful even up to their old age - such beauty a king will take interest in her. Abraham and Sarah decides on saying half truth about Sarah being Abraham's sister (she was his half sister - fathered by same person but with different mothers ) and this made Abimelech decide to take Sarah as his wife. Of course God wouldn't accept that and makes it known to the king who finally learns his lesson. Sarah finally is able to conceive and gives birth to Isaac in her old age.

 

That said, here are a few relationship and marriage lessons from the life and marriage of Abraham and Sarah.

Lessons from Abraham and Sarah

1. Marriage is not a Bed of Roses

There are times where disagreements, arguments, fights and different things will come up. At that point it is important to remember that your partner is your team member and not your enermy and work together to make things work.

 

2. Abraham and Sarah worked together. 

We see that in the story that involves the king. It wasn't a good thing to lie but it shows their level of understanding with each other (although you grow in understanding and love)

 

3. It is important to know God's thoughts about a particular situation concerning your relationship and your marriage individually and collectively as it helps to stand firm and hold unto something when all hope is lost.

 

4. Abraham always consoled Sarah, helping her understand that the Creator has plans and that  whatever He says comes to pass.

How to Journey With God In Your Relationship

By wisdom, individuals must learn that courtship is the relationship between believers - a male and a female with the intent of getting married. Wrongship on the other hand is the relationship with an unbeliever.

The best way to begin your journey with God in your relationship is to buy God a Gift. This is to appreciate him for bringing you both together. You can both ask God what He wants. It's simple and He will tell you if you ask.

You should also mark your Relationship. Let there be a token, something notable to mark the beginning of the relationship. I bought my wife back then, a Pink Bible. It was a sign I agreed to give her a Godly experience in the Relationship and  have the Bible as our final authority.

5. Learn Accountability

You must be accountable to someone who should most likely be a mentor you both respect. This is very important as it gives the relationship directions. Relationship is not a secret cult. I feel it's not right to go into a relationship with your pastor not involved. It shows a lack of divine order. We (my wife and I) made up our mind that "if I touch you in this Relationship gbam, we are both free to report to our mentor." Our mentor also once gave my wife an assignment on love, thank God she did it - for 3 years of marriage no fight no arguments.

6. Ask Sincere Questions

You may ask something like "How do you want me to love you?" Jesus himself asked people what they wanted from him. He never assumed and likewise, you should not assume. Asking sincere questions like this will give understanding. I know what my wife wants. Her ear ring may be small. I know her best author. I know she likes some food. I know her best colour. I know she sleeps early. This is called understanding.

6. Understand Fruits of the Spirit

What is your spouse's Dominant Fruit of  the spirit? Abraham's faith, Sarah's meekness or Abigail's peace? You need to find this out. People see love through the dominant fruit of the spirit. For me it's Joy, I just want to be happy. My wife's Peace.

7. Learn the conduct of Royalty

Every kingdom has different conducts. God would have taught these things to every man of purpose. As a man you must be a teacher. You must teach your wife the conduct of your kingdom. Esther was trained before getting married to the king. In some of our churches it might be called foundation school- why we do what we do and how we do it. Adam spoke to Eve about The forbidden fruit. We know it. Submission is submitting to a mission.

8. Joy compass

You need to know what gives your spouse instant joy..you might need to try different name on him/her. Relationship talks makes me happy and my spouse knows the special name that gives me instant joy.

Call your spouse name that touch them deep down. Not just babe..sweetheart.. Honey... God had to change the name of Abram to Abraham. It's allowed in  a covenant Relationship. Also, know that no one must inspire your spouse more than you, nobody on earth.

9. Pray together

If you don't pray together often you will always argue.. You bond with the person you PRAY WITH...PRAY FOR...PRAY TO (GOD).

10. Schedule Fun

If you don't schedule fun, it might not happen, so Schedule Prayer and Schedule Fun.

Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.It will bond your hearts.

Muyiwa Adigun, the popular host of the Muyiwa Adigun Show is a compere, folk musician and an actor. I'm a unique artiste with so many sides but putting my song "Pelumi" into a stage play has given me the platform to give everything I do to my fans on one stage.

 

This article was adapted from the teaching by Mr. Muyiwa Adigun (Director of the popular stage play PELUMI) on the day of the launch of Two Become One- 30th of December, 2018.

 

The Stages in a Relationship

For many people, love often only revolves around romance, and many other simple looking things but in reality, it doesn't end there. A true love relationship takes time to bloom and it takes two to tango. As wild and unpredictable as love can be it is one of the most reliable forces that drives humans everyday. Recognising which stage you are in your relationship can be very helpful to slow down and analyse any aspect of your relationship- where you are and where you want to be.

To some, a standard relationship has 3 stages, while to others relationship has 5 stages, some even say 6 while some say 8. However, all of them have in common the three (3) major stages which are: The Honeymoon, The Crisis and Blissful Love. The reason why just the 3 stages are not always discussed alone is because inbetween those three (3) major stages, there are other things that happen. 

In this post, we will be discussing 5 stages in a relationship.

Initial Attraction and Chase

This is the first stage of every relationship. In this stage one or both of the individuals find each other very attractive. They begin to notice the shape of their eyes, the begin to notice the way each other walks, the way they talk or smile and lots more. The attracted individual begins to talk about the other person with his or her friends and he or she begins to think more about the other person. This stage also comes with the Chase where probably the guy approches the lady to start a relationship with her. This either followed by a positive answer or negative one depending on if the other person is interested in being in a relationship at that time or with that person.

This stage is filled with fun and flirtatious moments and intentional late night talks.

2. The Honeymoon

This is the stage where all you want to do is to always be with the other person. You feel like you cannot survive a moment without them and you really don't care about each other's fault. All you want to do is be in each other's company and have fun. According to scientist natural chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, phenylethylamine, norepinephrine, are secreted in the brain and all what these chemicals do is to make couples to want to stay together, be sexually connected (not safe), to a level where they start to think about starting a family together. Couples really have to take things slow in this stage because they are not totally in their right mind. Most Hollywood movies show this stage to be the peak of a relationship whereas, it's just the start. The reduction in the hormones being secreted leads to the couple having  doubting thoughts about each other, leading to the next stage. 

3. The Crisis

Reality begins to set in and both partners begin to see each other for who they are. They begin to notice their differences and flaws in this stage. Their differences either tear them apart or bring them closer together. This stage requires a lot of work. Couples either make it or break it depending on how they choose to solve the problems. To be in a safe relationship couples must reach a compromise and choose to communicate effectively. This might include them trying new things together, taking a walk, spending more time together to listen and communicate well so that both individuals can take note of each others needs and try to meet them. 

4. Stability and Commitment

 where both parties already know how to work through their differences without trying to control or change each other instead they try to respect each other's boundaries and make each other feel safe  whether or not they're together. This leads to both partners commiting to each other. At this stage most couples start to think about getting engaged or getting married. They have learnt to get along with each other without getting bossy or yelling at each other. At this stage both partners have learnt to put each other first when they are planning anything. They also choose to listen to each others views about a particular topic even when they know what to do. This makes them feel safe with each other. 

Blissful Love

The best way to keep a relationship is for both individuals to make sure that they keep the relationship till the last stage. This final stage is like the ultimate price or reward of a relationship that one can get. The blissful love stage happens to be not only the last stage but a stage that occurs for life. Here both partners are at the point where people say they have TRUE LOVE. They have experienced life, sadness, joy, pain, hurt and they have been able to work through everything together. In this stage couples not only want to spend their time together but they have allowed their love to flow into other parts of their life where they start a project together volunteer, pick up hobbies to do together. Some couples might choose to help other couples grow using their experience.

Note: These stages do not occur in the same sequence for all couples while for some they have to revisit some stages for better growth and deeper love. The importance of knowing the stages is to help you and your partner know how to stand together as a team having it in mind that you are heading to the last stage.

How to Know if he or she is the one for You

One of the reasons why some people have not given love a chance is because of the fear of getting into the wrong hands. I am sure you know that one person who has been indifferent relationships but they all ended broken. This happened even when they decided to be serious with their love life and now they go up and down saying to the universe that there is no such thing as true love and thinking to themself that true love only exists in Disney movies.

We shouldn't blame them because we were never in their shoes nor did we experience with them the hurt they went through. They must have hoped and prayed relationship after relationship that the person they were with at the moment was the one for them, their 'last bus stop'. They must have had the happy ones that made them think that all was fine and this time they are doing everything well. But in the blink of an eye, their love wall of Jericho began to crumble again until it fell not to be rebuilt.

If you know this person or people like this and they hold a place in your heart I would say that you share with them today's post. If you are the one just stay with me because today I am going to be letting you know one of the important ways that you would know if the person you are going out with is the one for you. We will be talking about various other points for about a couple of weeks ahead so stay with me as I said.

You are already in this relationship or you are planning to start again but a part of you is scared that this one might go wrong again. Here is one simple way you can know if that person is worth your precious love, time, and attention.

 

"How You Feel with Him or Her."

Most of the time we tend to look at who the person is, what the person does, where the person is in life, what's the person can or cannot do, what drives the person, while we forget to think about how we feel when we are with the person. You will agree with me that with some people you definitely cannot show your true self. When you are with them you are more or less holding your breath. You try to be who you are not and try to laugh at their dry jokes and you do all this hoping that things will get better along the line, that there will be a balance between you both, forgetting that holding your breath for too long would exhaust you.

When you are with that person and you have to become an amoeba that changes shape along with the person's emotions. You definitely can tell that this is not you that will be with your friends or just a random stranger that you just met. My darling, I am sorry to tell you this, but that gentleman or lady is not the one for you.

You need to always be with that person that sees you for who you are and allows you to be the best you can be. Someone that helps you recognize your weakness and strength and help you put them to maximum use. That person that you can be your goofy self with,  laugh with, joke with, pull light pranks on, and have fun with. That person is the one that will make you feel the best you can. Someone that makes you forget the spelling of Pretense.

If you are with that person right now or you are planning to be with that person who may still be in the friend zone right now, I can tell you that you can give it a shot now. All things being equal, should lead to greatness.

 

Conclusion

This is not the only way but one of the best ways to know if he or she is the one for you. It is a very important one at that. 

 

In the last post on how to know if that person is or is not for you, in that post, we discussed paying attention to how he or she makes you feel when you are together or when their thoughts crosses your mind. Most of the time we neglect this part all in the name of “love is blind” or “she would change overtime” but the truth is the moment you  start faking the real you, pay attention, because it is a big red flag.

Although, it is important to pay attention to the way you feel around that person it is also important that you know that this is not the only way to know if that is the person you are supposed to be with. So, today we will be talking about another important thing we need to pay attention to.

 

We are not asking you to be selfish right now. However, you must know that before anyone, it has to be you first, because this process is about you checking if you are compatible with this person and this takes me to the next question.

 

Do Your Values Align?

We were all raised in different environment and under different conditions so you do not expect you and that person to be 100% on the same page. Do not get me wrong it can seem like you and that person you just met a totally on the same page in your first or second even up to the fifth time of meeting and having conversations but you will soon start to realize that even though you love the same football team, you like to eat the same snack, you both like to work in a quiet environment, or maybe you are both indifferent about the kind of environment you carry out your task. There are still some things that you both do not have in common. This thing might not be in form of habits they might be those precious things you take as your core values.

Take for instance you are a lover of God and you cherish having about an hour to listen to God in meditation but due to the environment this new person that you like was brought up, he or she just believes there is a God somewhere that we pray to and that is basically it. This person prays when he wills and attends church on Sundays. You will agree with me that on the spiritual level you are not on the same page.

First things first, I need you not to look at the person as bad because we are a result of our environment. Maybe he or she didn’t have the opportunity you had or due to some things life as fashioned another pattern in the person. Until you are in that person’s shoe do not blame him or her. At the same time you should not just look over something as important as that.

I will not tell you to leave the person or cut all relationship with the person but I would advise that you don’t take an important step as starting a relationship with that person you can start out on a mutual base where you become a friend to the person and from there you discuss more about God do your thing and let the person see you do those things that matter to you.

 

Take note of this ‘do not force your values on someone else. As much as you want a future with that person, do not pressurize him or her into being who he or she is not rather, be the example, the change you want to see and let him or her change at will.’

This act will not only help you to know if you are supposed to proceed into a relationship with this person, it will also help you to see the person on a better level and by doing this you get to know if the person is progressive and ready to learn.

When you take this kind of step, two things can happen, either the person will withdraw from you or the person begins to see reasons in what you do and he or she begins to do these things consciously or unconsciously- which is a good one but I would like to point out that even after the person begins to do those things or begin to see reasons why they should cherish those things that of value to you do not be quick to act because some people can pretend as if they care. So, you really want to be sure that is what it is.

With all these said I would suggest that in all you do, “do unto others what you want them to do to you” So as much as you want to look into the person’s value and how it aligns with yours don't forget to also open yourself to the good values they have so that things can actually balance up.

 

Last week, I really had to let us talk about You and the important role you have to play in the whole relationship process. I must confess it was a great one. Today we are talking about another important way to know if that person is the one for you. 

 

I am sure that you have been with different people at different stages of your life, male and female alike. You have made friends and grown relationships with family members,  some stronger than others,  some are long lost and some are just growing. One thing that is peculiar to all of these relationships is that there was a reason or a season in life that brought you together with these people. 

There are many reasons for you being in a relationship with those friends of yours, but in a more intimate relationship, there is a little difference.

Now is the time to introduce today’s pointer.  Drum roll… 

Do you love him or her for a particular reason? 

Loving (just) because 

It is no longer news that there are a lot of people who love their partner just because he or she is nice enough to share what he has with them.  For some, it is more about their partner’s physical appearance, because she is short (arm rest height) & cute and you think that’s the best reason to love her or start a relationship with her.

Most people just look for the benefits they can or would derive from the relationship,  which should not be. 

We should always have it at the back of our minds that being in a relationship requires a good amount  of selflessness. Can you say you love the person without a reason? 

We should always remember that beauty fades, everyday is not Christmas so when you are looking into starting a relationship with someone, you need to look deeper and look past physical appearances, material gain, monetary gain and pleasure. These things should not be crossed off the list of what you should look for in a person but it should not be the basis of your choosing them.

You should look for other attributes that are more defining about the individual,  is he or she kind, patient,  understanding, progressive and ready to grow and learn,  does your value align? 

 

Do you see a future with him or her (this is a whole post you should wait for). This will help you get a better view at who the person is and you will be able to tell, to a certain extent, if you should start a relationship with him or her. 

I know that you’re a smart and intelligent person, that’s why I’m always eager to come join you at this table to talk about things as important as these. I hope that you have been able to understand that there is more to starting a relationship journey with someone than the peripheral gains.

Always remember, I love you and I can’t wait to join you here again next week to discuss more important things, love, laugh, smile, learn, munch our cookies or popcorn, sip our juice or tea or whatever it may be that you enjoy reading with. 

 

Hello love how are you today?

I hope you have been doing fine.Writing to you today again brings so much joy to my heart and smile to my face, having this little chat with you means so much to me and I hope it does for you too.

Today, we move to the last part of our How to Know If He or She is the one for you series.

It is so funny the way people go into relationship just for the fun of it these days. You see two people together who just want to while away time- how fun is that?

You see that person and you clearly know that there are no chances of you both ending up together as a married couple but you still choose to waste that time investing in what is not going to last- how interesting.

 Lolonyo is not just the community that helps you love but helps you to learn how to love yourself, how to love your partner and how to love others in a godly way. If that is the case let us then take a look at what it means to be in a Godly relationship. If you are with that person and you are considering being with him or her I would like to ask you- with the habits, behaviors and attitudes the person has do you see yourself being with the person at the long run? This is a very important question to ask, because God wants us to make maximum use of our singleness and not spend that time with the person you clearly see no future with probably because of the fun of it or because of the pleasure, money and material things you get from them. 

This question is one that people push over saying “we never can tell if we would end up marrying the person” A lot of people say things happen and no one knows tomorrow but the truth is that you should be with the person that you can see a future with.

If you don’t see a future with that person there’s no point starting a relationship with him or her because not only will you be wasting your time you would also be pouring your energy and resources into the wrong person all to end it after a while.

God intends for us to be in a purposeful relationship. His will is for us to come together not only to love on each other but also to look into the future together, to work on achieving our life purpose and building a kingdom family. 

if you do not see yourself becoming a better version of yourself, you don’t see yourself fulfilling your life purpose with that person, you don’t see yourself parenting with that person then there is no point setting yourself up for the pain.

Taking a stroll back to the beginning of this series:

In part 1 we discussed paying attention to how you feel when you are with the person.

Check: How To Know if He or She is the One For You (Part 1). 

In Part 2 we discussed about value alignment with the person.

Check: How To Know if He or She is the One For You (Part 2)

In part 3 we discussed loving without reason.

Check: How To Know if He or She is the One for You.

Here we are in the last part talking about seeing a future with that person and this is where we end this series.

Disclaimer: in choosing who to be with, there are more things to consider but for the purpose of this series, we will be stopping here.

I hope you were able to learn from this series and I do hope that with this few pointers you would be able to choose the right person.

I would also be glad if you can share with the community more points on how to know if that person is the one for you. Thank you.

Remember, love is beautiful and I love you.