5 Tips on How to Survive a Relationship Breakup

It is so amusing how the term Breakup has been gradually replaced with Breakfast, especially in this part of the world. For the sake of our diverse readers, we will stick to the original term which is Breakup.

Many times when most people experience a breakup, it seems like the end of the world, especially in cases where they truly loved their partner. In most cases, ladies tend to cry while men stay sober and maybe drink so that they don’t feel the hurt, but the truth is that the hurt and pain still come back, bigger and harder. Most of the time, people tend to shut others out of their life and just remain on their own to feel the pain of breaking up.

While some people try to stay sober or drink or shut people out, some other people try to suppress the hurt that they feel and pretend as if nothing happened. One might think that is the best solution, but it is one of the worse things to do- not allowing yourself to feel the hurt of a breakup. Different people with different ways of dealing with their pains and hurt but in this post, I will be giving 5 tips on how to survive a breakup well and good.

Allow Yourself to Feel the Hurt but Not for Long 

It is very normal to think of our past relationship or ex even after your breakup with them and thoughts like this always come back, especially at times you are just on your own or you see the things or go to places where you both have been to. It is not wrong that after your breakup with your partner, you feel pained and sad. The pain will even be harder for someone who already has big plans and loads of expectations for the relationship and from their partner. But like I mentioned above, it is not good to try to push aside the pain and behave as if no shit just happened in your life. In the long run, things might keep getting out of hand. It is good to feel the pain, and cry if you need to. It is good to let out your emotions and not suppress them. As good as it is to let out your emotions, it is best not to allow yourself to spend forever in the past. The relationship is gone, and now in the past, so it is best to let it be, and move on. Hard as this may seem, it is one of the best ways to survive a relationship breakup. Feel the pain but know when to cut it off.

Focus on You

Breakups are so hard that they may want to take everything from you. Break up is ready to strip you of any strength you think you possess but the best thing to do at this time is to make yourself the priority. This is a very good time to not only focus on yourself but also pick up new hobbies, take yourself on a picnic, travel to new places if you can afford it, set new goals for yourself, exercise, take a course, volunteer, just have fun. While having fun and enjoying life the best way you can, make sure that you remind yourself of who you are, and say nice and positive things about yourself. Speaking words of affirmation to yourself, words that tell you how much you are loved will help you pull through the tough moments after a relationship breakup. As much as this is a time to have all the ‘me time’, all the fun, and discover new things about yourself, this isn’t the right time to jump into a new relationship. It is best to give yourself ample time to recover and heal from the breakup and all the insecurities and fear that might have come with it. Most people drag themselves into the same cycle of breakup over and over again because they feel lost and broken as an individual and I feel like having a partner or being in a relationship will heal them. Give your inner man the time to catch up on the fun things that could not be done when you had your ex in your life.

Reach out to Family and Friends

As much as this is the time to focus on you, it is also a good time to bond with your friends and family members, have all the time you can with them, and catch up on things that you couldn’t do while you were in that previous relationship.  During this time, have fun and go out with your friends, attend family functions, and spend time with your parents, siblings, and other extended family members. Help out and be useful. By doing this, you might be making them smile, thereby, making yourself happy too. Also, when you spend time with your friends and family, they help you to get over this period of pain by showing you love and care and letting you know that you are not alone. Bond!

Learn from Your Experience

After a breakup, it is good to let the past dwell in the past, but also better to learn from your past mistakes. Something that you and your ex did or didn’t do might have led to the breakup. It is better to use this to your advantage so that such mistakes will not repeat themselves in your future relationship. You can achieve this through the power of questioning. How to do this is to ask yourself a series of questions that will help you look deep into how you played your role and how your partner played his or her role and where it all went wrong. Sometimes, doing this alone might be hard as it will open up memories of the relationship hence, you should do this with the help of a therapist, coach, or counselor. They will be able to help you better trace the happenings in your life and past relationships and join the dot till you can make sense of it. In this way, you will also be able to heal from the hurt and insecurities that came out of the relationship with you. This will also help you to know how to be a better partner in your new relationship.

Move on 

n the process of trying to get over your breakup, different memories will surely come to mind. It might come from you seeing pictures of the person, you going somewhere that you have been with the person, or just seeing the person pass. Different things can spring up the thought of the person even silence. When these memories flash through your mind, you might be tempted to start stalking them on their social media account or stalking the person physically. You might even find yourself wanting to force yourself on them and this isn’t a good one to do. In other to get over these feelings, it is better to make sure that you constantly remind yourself why that relationship was no more conducive for you both and you must try to wave all the memories of the person when they come up in your mind. Although it is good to be on good terms with your ex, (depending on what caused the breakup) if you think seeing them will make things worse for you, it is better to unfollow them on your social media account and try to get rid of things that might remind you of them pending the time that you are trying to get hold of yourself.

 

Conclusion

Getting over a breakup isn’t a very easy thing to do, but it is a very good thing to do to avoid more of it repeating itself. Pay attention to yourself and your growth at this moment,  make sure that you trace the dots and observe the patterns so that you won’t have to make the same mistake time and time again.

5 Major Turn-offs to Avoid in Your Relationship

People meet and fall in love, they get to know each other a little more, start a relationship and continue to get to learn about each other. At first when they meet they don’t know all about each other but as they proceed in their relationships, they get to see the good and bad side of their partner. The different things that they notice about each other will determine if they will continue the journey together as a couple or go their separate ways. If they will not continue their relationship both individuals or at least one of them will have noticed the turn-offs or what some people call red flags in the relationship.

Hello darling, how are you today? Day 5 and we are still moving on. I appreciate that you are always here to learn more about how to have a great relationship. 

Although it differs for different people, there can be a whole lot of turn-offs in your relationship. In today’s post, we will be looking at 5 major turn-offs to avoid in your relationship. We have classified the turn-offs to be discussed majorly because they are the most common ones found in relationships and they can easily ruin a relationship.

1. Lack of Effective Communication

The inability to communicate effectively can be a major turn-off in your relationship. There are situations where one partner is not letting the other speak, it might also be a case where there is too much talking and no listening. In another case, it might be that one of them is not showing interest in what the other has to say. Whichever one of them you notice in your relationship, try to solve by first calling the attention of your partner to it then try to look at how you both can make things right.

2. Value Clashes

Two individuals come together to start a relationship but they are still in some ways different individuals that have different perspectives and views of life. The saying “one man’s food is another man’s poison” is also relevant in relationships. Because you and your partner have experienced life differently before starting a relationship there might be habits and behaviors that are tied to his or her values that you didn’t notice at first and if not taken care of by discussing it with each other can lead to the end of the relationship.

3. Getting Disconnected from God

This is a major turn-off in any relationship.  Considering that this community emphasizes nurturing Godly relationships and marriage, it would be wrong if we didn’t talk about it. To enjoy your relationship as a true child of God, you and your partner have to be on the same page when it comes to the things of God. This is so that you will not have unnecessary clashes, will be able to draw strength from the right source and support each other and support each other in times of need. In a situation where you notice a lukewarm attitude in your partner’s spiritual life, instead of nagging or not talking about it at all, try to pray for and with them and lead them by your own words and actions.

4. Lack of Integrity

For a relationship to work, both partners have to be fully accountable to themselves and each other. Lack of integrity leads to distrust between partners because a guy who knows that his partner’s yes has never truly been yes will find it hard to believe her even when she truly means Yes. For any relationship to flourish the couple must trust each other and know that they can hold each other to their word. Failure to deal with dishonesty and lack of integrity in your relationship will lead to the turn-off of your relationship.

5. The Feeling of Entitlement

A sense of entitlement is a personality characteristic based on the belief that someone deserves special treatment or recognition for something that they didn’t earn, this is just one of many definitions out there. In other words, the person believes that the world or someone owes them without ever or rarely giving anything in return. This kind of mindset can manifest in a person’s attitude in different aspects of a relationship; finances, acts of service, time and attention, you name it. No matter what form it takes, entitlement is a toxic trait that will cause strain in the relationship. A person with an entitled partner, after so much giving and so little receiving with almost nagging and arguments will eventually grow weary of them and could fall out of love with their partner if the entitlement mindset isn’t properly dealt with.

 

Conclusion

With all these points that we have discussed above, I hope that you will be on the lookout for these turnoffs and turn them off before they turn your relationship off. (lol). Till tomorrow my darling, have it in mind that love is beautiful and we can nurture it together. I love you.

How to Validate your Partner during Difficult Conversations

In every relationship, you must come to terms with the fact that you will have difficult conversations.

Say statements like
I hear you, please continue
I see how that hurt you. I really want us to work on that issue
I know this is hard for you to express; Please continue.
I hear you and I understand your need. I want us to find a way that works for both of us.
Thanks for sharing your feelings, needs and thoughts.

Dating God

Many people have an idea of the things you should know or must have attained as a man before you go into a relationship, most of which are assumptions and conclusions made by societal standards that we see everyday. True as they may be, there's the position of your relationship with God as far as your past and present is concerned. Before you go into a relationship, you should understand the lady  from the standpoint of God and that's the reason why you MUST date God before you date her. Dating God here thus means establishing a firm relationship with God first, before embarking on another with your spouse.

 

In Mark 12:28-34,

    28: And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all?

    29: And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord:

30: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

    31: And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

    32: And the scribe said unto him, Well, Master, thou hast said the truth: for there is one God; and there is none other but he:

    33: And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.

    34: And when Jesus saw that he answered discreetly, he said unto him, Thou art not far from the kingdom of God. And no man after that durst ask him any question.

Verse 30 clearly explains that it is first needed to love the Lord with all of a man's heart and his totality. It extends to define that no other form of sacrifice can be compared to the sacrifice of love. While Jesus amended the commandments into love- loving God and then others, He implied that a man cannot love his fellow being without first loving God. It also explains in extension that the proof that a man truly loves God is expressed in his love for other individuals.

Oppositely today, there is no "one on one relationship" with the father. Life will be more interesting and simple if we get more intimate with God. The reason why we have half baked Christian couples as seen in Hosea 8 is because there is no love for the father. There is a void in every man that only God can fill and there is a void in God that only man can fill. This is one reason why a relationship between man and God must exist- John 3:16

 

God proposed his love to us by sending his son to die for us and the only part that we have to play is by loving him back. "WE must have the consciousness of the love of God where ever we go and in whatever we do". Dating God is not just an act, it is a full commitment. Dating God means loving God.

In our relationship with the father, we have to do it in such a way that we don't want to hurt the father. If you are not conscious of the fact that God loves you, you will suffer. In this relationship with the father we are not allowed to cheat.

In your relationship today, share the love of God with her that you may please the father. Keep telling him that you love Him and show him your commitment. He shall keep you.

Ephesians 5:24-27, James 2:5, JOHN 14:15

Understanding Conflicts in Your Relationship

Mere bonding does not form the basis for love. It involves a lot more. This is one reason why we can conclude that healthy relationships are not conflict free but are conflict resolving. The tongue and the teeth, though occupants in the same room still conflict. The problem with conflict most times is that we fight for victories instead of fighting for solutions and in the end, one wins while the other loses. In this case, a relationship suffers. On the other hand, if we conflict for solutions and not victories, we build each other in the long run.

For the psychologist, he may prescribe a million conflict handling lifestyles. For another, there may be no better means to play out a conflict, or no best roles to take. There may also be no blames to share or guilt to pour. However, here are a few things to note about the nature of conflicts and how to end them positively.

Firstly, note that Differences and Conflicts are Inevitable- The average relationship difference brings many people together. This makes conflicts a norm in our daily lives. All relationships experience them too because they are potentially beneficial to the conflicting parties and can grow great relationships if handled properly. Conflicts should therefore be seen and approached as a normality to optimise the better possibilities they contain.

Also, there are many ways to handle conflicts to ensure that everyone wins in the end.

a. The Avoid Style- Individuals in this category ensure that they let sleeping dogs lie. They are usually afraid of confrontation, especially when the other partner is hot tempered and loud in actions. Unfortunately, they do not understand that they merely bury these feelings only for them to rise up alive along the line. Offences accumulate,unfinished businesses erupt and unaddressed issues multiply. These in turn rocks the relationship and tears it apart, usually leaving physical and emotional casualties.

b. The Approach-Assert Style- Here, the individual is basically concerned with the overall goodwill of the relationship. As such, he feels that no price is high too sustain a relationship. Usually, they are very sensitive to the feelings of others while they choose to still deal directly with burning and important issues. They avoid blaming, confront the issue and not the individual, and  may invite others (a third party, usually their joint mentor) to partner with them in solving the conflict issue.

c. The Attack Style- These are the "pepper them gang" who follow the trend of "get them before they get you" mentality in relationships. As a result, they never choose to give in and inflict terminal injury on their minds. Also, attack usually begets counterattack, so both sides dig in and none gets something tangible out in the end.

d. The Peace Maker Style: The final style is for those who will try to make sure no conflict/argument arise. They fight so that nothing scatters. However, in the case it does not work according to their plan, they are usually first to say the I am sorry words. When scriptures mention... Blessed are the peace makers.... You find them here... They are similar to the second category.

To dwell on the Peace makers, the only problem is the fact that many people have abused the use of "sorry" such that they use it and expect a quick response from the people we say it to. In cases like this, you find out that people could file multiple allegations against their partners (or other people they have offended and hurt) and they expect them to let go because they have "said sorry". Here, you understand that there is a huge difference between being sorry and saying sorry.

It is better to be sorry than to say sorry and it is okay to keep quiet if you are not sorry than to utter the word and keep up with the same actions that hurt other people. It helps you learn to value other people's feelings and not place premium on only your feelings. The world cannot thrive with only you in it and you definitely need to place value on people around you because they make life enjoyable. Placing value on people in this case includes respecting them not by kneeling or prostrating to greet them but by respecting their core values that makes them who they are.

It is wrong to align with unforgiveness and emotional manipulation in a relationship. If any partner has these thoughts at heart, it will be almost impossible to understand and resolve conflicts. As an individual, you must be able to stand for whatsoever you have done, whether good or bad. You must take responsibility and make amends in the case where you need to. Making mistakes is a constant part of our lives and partners must  learn to habdle their mistakea without blaming or manipulating each other for it. Learning from mistakes is a conscious effort to living responsibly and being at peace with all men - Romans 12:18 and Hebrews 12:14

Partners should also consciously groom their minds to move on from any form of hurt by each other without necessarily expecting them to come crying and apologise or say sorry. Doing this is safe for your mental health and well being and in the worst case scenerio of a heartbreak (as in our articles on managing a heartbreak and moving on from your ex), you can properly manage it. 

You should also learn to draw the line to avoid a bigger outburst of emotions that both parties will never recover from. No matter how close you are to anybody, there is a thin line of RESPECT that must never be crossed. In our article on who deserves respect the most in a relationship, we discussed the true definitions of respect but sadly, respect is defined by actions (especially in this side of the world) like calling people with titles, kneeling or prostrating to greet and similar actions. While these things may matter in minute ways, the way you treat people whether or not you need anything from them is what matters most. Also, true respect includes that you do not treat people based on the favour or material value you get from them today. Everyone deserves to be adequately respected. At the same time, give people space when you find them disrespecting you. In most cases, these people come to emotionally blackmail you and make you feel guilty instead of accepting that they made a mistake and are willing to correct it. 

Finally, accepting a mistake instead of blaming anyone (even the devil) requires a level of emotional maturity. "Saying sorry" does not get into the heart of the kindhearted but "being truly sorry" can break and pierce the toughhearted.

Above all, resolving conflicts in any relationship is a thing more spiritual than physical. We should be conscious of the fact that the enemy never wants joy, so he births strife among men. Psychology can only explain, and at most, link them to temperaments. But a lasting solution to arguments and conflicts lies in prayer and a constant "walk in the spirit"

All you may need to avert a terrible argument could be to send a text at the right time, or to give a better response to a question.... Just something little.

Galatians 5:14-1514: For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”15: If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

Tall, Dark and Handsome: How to Deal with Relationship Specs

It is very possible to have the tall, dark and handsome wish for a perfect partner. Your wish could be a fair, slim or fleshly endowed lady. But what happens if you do not find your spec? Would you go with anything you find or try to change your partner?

If you are "lucky" to fall in the category of what you ordered versus what you got, there are probably many reasons why you had to stick to your partner as the option for your relationship. But it is never really a bad idea. Change is a constant feature in every man's life and every individual is flexible to change. However, there are certain things that you may be unable to change. How do you live with your partner in this?

Your beliefs and opinion matters. If you can live with the differences and adapt to the absence of the physical and behavioural features in your partner, it is a very good position as there is always a point of compromise for matters like this in every relationship. However, if you cannot adapt, it is also fine to take a break off. The popular saying is that "a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage". At the same time, it is also very possible to work on a change in your partner or yourself.

The problem at this point is that many people are too focused on changing their partners rather than looking inwardly to see how they can improve. While it is necessary for your partner to be open and flexible to change, you cannot and should not force your partner to change. Understanding should come in handy so you know who should bend for the other. This is that point of compromise.

The Law of Attraction

The power of the eye is in its ability to love by sight. Also, change in most relationships occur in the physical, behavioural and emotional modes. These three modes are also responsible for the "spec" we build up in our minds as regards a partner. In many cases, building this spec in mind is a result of attraction to an individual - physically, behaviourally or emotionally. Your partner could dislike eating out and yet be a tall, dark and handsome guy (physical) who loves God and likes to spend fun time with orphanage children and hospital patients (emotional). In this case, you are attracted to him by emotions and physical attributes. In another case, she could dislike calls and prefer texts (behavioural), but she is still the dark skinned beauty you always liked. All of these form different sides, especially because attraction does not show the negative sides in the first place. Attraction only puts what you desire amd want on the table.

Just as our taste changes over time, preferences for whom should occupy space as your partner changes. At the primary school level you once had a crush on a lady or guy in class based on certain qualities... When you fast forward to junior secondary, you find some other crush... And again at the university level. Ordinarily too, a basic change in environment amongst other factors can necessitate

If change is constant, how do I manage

What then should I place as criteria to choosing my life partner? - Not Looks, Not Wealth, Not the paint but the strength of the building

As an individual, you must know that in you lies the power to change and be the best version of yourself. This is one of the best ways to love your partners; by being your best and doing your best for your partner. By doing this, you become adapt to changes where possible and reach a compromise with your partner where change seems difficult. You also control how successful your relationship is, knowing that the success or failure of your relationship is 50% in your hands. Partners should help one another adjust to certain changes. You could encourage your partner to hit the gym or drop off some habits - it's all in the change process. You two will definitely become specs for each other this way.

PS: Attached to this is an audio letter by Della (featuring Nelson). We discussed about changing habits in a relationship and conforming to your partner's spec. 

Click the button below to listen.

Listen/button

How to Apologise When You Are Not Wrong

Who says apologizing makes you weaker in your relationship?

Whether you admit it or not, apologizing can never be a sign of weakness in a relationship, because you can only apologize if you’ve really got the guts and courage to confront him or her. However, there are some people, who you will probably know of, that are just in the habit of apologizing because they feel that their relationship is at stake. I believe it is not wrong to keep apologizing just for the sake of saving your relationship.

When we speak of who is to say “sorry” in a relationship, it is very important to always remind yourself that nobody on this earth is perfect. We will have one flaw or the other and it is absolutely OK to make mistakes and offend our partners at one point in time or the other (it should eventually result to a proof that you both are compatible)

A supporting quote from a certain love and relationship expert confirms what I am saying in essence: “Apologizing does not always mean that you have done wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your own ego”.

Actually, it is a very tricky thing to accomplish when you apologize, knowing fully well that you have done nothing wrong at all.

Sometimes, it will be very obvious that your partner or spouse is the one at fault. But with the mentality of “This is not all about me, this is not all about him, it’s about us. ” Then you will understand that there are some situations that you will need to be the one saying “Its okay, I’m sorry about everything”. Such understanding must have gotten you to be reading this article.

Well, I will confirm to you based on personal experience in my previous relationship that the manner which you apologize, guilty or not, just your decision to apologize will definitely determine whether you will be forgiven or not. An apology without forgiveness or reunion is nothing. It is better not to have even apologized in the beginning. If the apology does not sound sincere, chances are they will not be accepted at all.

The subsequent consequences of your relationship, courtship or marriage could be so tough. But trust me, your inability to apologize to your spouse when needed can also aid even a tougher consequence.

So your partner keeps falsely accusing you of something you actually did not do or know nothing about? And you just feel like this is a mess, like you are under a very disturbed attack?.

Those words of apologies fail to escape from your lips? And you feel that this is all about you alone. No sweetheart, it has got something to do with the interest of your relationship.

There may be a need for you to be the storm calmer. You may need to be the one to apologize. This could be the best and simple way to get going in your relationship, to prevent it from hitting a snag.

Now, I want you to understand that there is a large story to play. Do not put yourself under unwarranted pressure, guilt or blame. You are only doing it because there is every need to. It is not all about buying the best red flowers, shedding tears or simply saying “sorry” in a best-structured way. It has to be sincere.

There are some ways you can apologize even when you have done nothing wrong.

Why apologize, anyway?

There are numerous reasons why you should be the one making a sincere apology when you have done nothing wrong.

When you apologize, you help the other person acknowledge that he or she has engaged in an unacceptable behaviour. It paves the way for your partner’s willingness to admit his or her mistakes and gives an opportunity to encourage sound communication between both of you.

In a way, your apology can help in the rebuilding of trust and reestablishing of that connection you have with the other person.

Far worse, If the situation of “who did wrong? ” had drained the rhapsodical conversations between you both, your apology automatically opens a dialogue between yourself and the other person.

What is more, when you help the other person admit that the situation was nobody’s fault by apologizing, you are restoring dignity to yourself, the one who is hurt.

Your apology when you have done nothing wrong shows that you are taking responsibility. It makes you feel a sense of relief and unveils that matured side of you when it comes to handling betrayal.

Of course, I can agree with you if you say that your partner must apologize for his or her wrongdoings, it’s highly expected. But look, If your apology is the only thing that can possibly hearten your now-deterring relationship, then DO IT. So long as you value such a relationship. You know, not everyone has the same stand like you.

Undeniably, I understand that apologizing when you are not wrong may seem irksome and difficult. But have you ever wondered why apologies are difficult?. Some people feel that they will be full of shame and embarrassment over the actions that can not bring themselves to the face of their partner. But the truth is, apologies requires courage, whether guilty or not guilty. It may seem to put you in a vulnerable position when you admit that you are the one who has done wrong.

In most cases, it opens you up to more false blame and attack. This is a reason why some people struggle to show this courage to apologize even when they are innocent. But there are ways; psychologically proven ways that you can apologize even when you are not wrong. It is just to make peace and ensure things are smooth as before. Here are a few ways to apologise when you are not wrong.

1. Play the Bigger role

Putting things off for a very long time only gives space for anger and grudge to grow. Sometimes, your partner was wrong and you were a little wrong too. It is also important for you to play a bigger role by being the bigger person in this issue, accept the negative aspect of the situation in order to proceed, then apologize. When you both discuss, later on, you can eventually pour out your mind to your partner how he or she had made you feel. You have to take the stance to bite the bullet and apologize. The likelihood is that your partner will do the same thing for you.

2. It is wise to listen well

No matter who is at fault, you have to exercise your listening skills when you want to apologize for what you have not done. Why? In a situation where you need to apologize, the other person will surely have some different feelings about the same situation on ground, in contrast to yours. Hearing is different from listening. I have heard people say ” I’ve heard all that he has to say, there is no point apologizing”. I’ve also heard people say “I’ve listened to him,I think we need to settle our differences”. Yeah, when you listen and not just hear, you tune in (using your mental focus), putting yourself in your partner’s shoe and acknowledge that you understood what they said. It is time for you to listen to what they have to say first like it is your job. No interruption, no disagreement. Listen first, and then apologizing becomes easier.

3. It is not enough to just say it

So sometimes ago, you and your spouse agreed to go to the movies at 9pm. And after waiting for two hours, he called that it should be postponed. Now you feel disappointed as it was a big deal to you, his apologies had no effect, you got a little bit mad and decided to take rough reactions. After several potholes, you just decided to apologize for something he had started in the beginning. After a couple of weeks, same thing happened and you took same rough action and kept on willingly apologizing for what you did not actually start. What is the essence of an apology when your actions do not speak with it?. Your action in this situation will speak louder than words. If you do not follow through, you have crossed the line into deterring your partner’s trust. Let your action speak too. It is part of you playing the bigger role.

4. Apologize with a clear head

Before you apologise, take a very good time to think things over. You need to understand what the other person has done, why it was done, and what is has caused on your relationship. Why does it upset you so much that you find it hard to apologize? , except your partner has done something knee-jerk which demands immediate apology. If you do not go into your apology with a clear head, you could just start with a fit of residual anger or resentment and make it even worse. Think things over, whether it is just a little wrong or a major relationship crime that takes time to be sorted out.

5. Apologize in the Right Way

If you’re concerned that your words won’t come out right when you apologize, write down what you want to say, and then role-play the conversation with a trusted friend or colleague. However, don’t practice so much that your apology sounds rehearsed.

Once it’s time to do the deed, you have to do things right, which means you have to get into full-on apology mode. No phones. No text apologies. No TV in the background. Just you, your partner, and some real eye contact. And then you just have to apologize. Say, “I’m sorry I…” and explain what you’re apologizing. This will kick start the discussion and open the door for you both to share your feelings.

6. Don’t give excuses

When you are apologizing, you will be tempted to explain your actions. This may be useful, but from personal experience, explanations are often seen as excuses, and these can weaken your apology. Don’t shift part of the blame onto someone or something else in an attempt to reduce or elude responsibility.

Here is an example of using excuses in an apology:

I’M SORRY THAT I SNAPPED AT YOU WHEN YOU BARGED INTO MY OFFICE YESTERDAY. I WAS SO BUSY AND MY BOSS DEMANDED MY PROJECT REPORT AN HOUR EARLIER THAN PLANNED.

In this particular case, you excuse your behavior because of stress, and you imply that the other person was at fault because he bothered you on a busy day and barged into your office. This makes you look weak.

6 Lessons from Naomi to Singles

The story of Ruth and Naomi opens you up to many lessons which the old woman taught her daughter in-law. These lessons are salient ones that singles need in their waiting seasons. The lessons come in form of simple instructions that once understood and applied, it begins to yield the needed and expected results. In the next few lines, let us take a brief journey into scriptures as we take a look at these lessons.

 

1. Never Assume. Be sure it's God's will for you

Ruth was not just looking for any man. She had a specific one in mind - God's will, and she was ready to go all length to get only God's will. This is not similar to an extreme liking for a guy/lady and then going to pray about him/her because of your previous affections. Naomi however had done her assignment and so she was able to tell Ruth where to find him: "...he is winnowing barley tonight at the threshing floor" (Ruth 3:2)

2. Deal with your Past

Naomi said to Ruth, "...wash yourself..." (Ruth 3:3). In order to gain acceptance with Boaz, Ruth could not approach him looking and smelling like Moab. She needed to settle her past so that it would not sabotage her future. Do not remain contaminated with stories and worries of breakups, jilts and every past. Just sort out your emotional baggage. To properly sort this, you would need to prayerfully and confidently tell him/her everything about your past and if he/she is truly for you, then he/she would accept you for who you have become and not what your past contains.


3. Have the right attitude: Naomi said to Ruth, "...anoint yourself..."(Ruth 3:3). In Bible times, people anointed themselves with oil in order to be refreshed and renewed. In essence, Ruth needed a change of attitude as many singles need toay.


4. Be willing to stand out in the crowd: Ruth was instructed to "...put on your best garment..." (Ruth 3:3). You need to get noticed, look good for approval. There is a need to stand out and be exceptional. (Remember, you are not mourning).


5. Make sure you are in the right place: Naomi told Ruth, "...Go down to the threshing floor" (Ruth 3:3). Why? Because that was where Boaz was. You should not feel out of place when you are in the right place neither should you be at the wrongplace when you should be at the right. Many consciously or unconsciously move away from where their spouses are.

6. Understand the importance of timing

Naomi gives Ruth one strong one here by saying "... Do not make yourself known unto the man until...". Ruth had waited a long while as we know but she did not need to push or rush things. Pushing things is getting pregnant before marriage (so that he would be stuck right?), making proposal moves before he does and so on. Things should only happen at the appointed time uhn...

Dear single brother/sister, the truth is the truth. If the government decides to kill all mathematicians today, 1+1 would still equal 2 because it's the truth. I have come to confirm every advice Mummy Naomi gave Sister Ruth as true.

Follow them, your spouse cometh!

How to Hold Up in a Long Distance Relationship

Intimacy in any relationship is built through constant communication and a level of distance between both partners, but then in a long distance relationship, the question remains: How far can you truly be from love? 

 

In our four years relationship (as at the time of updating this post), we have witnessed the close distance and the long distance cases. We have learnt that holding up the relationship at each other's end is a result of what both partners agree and make committment to. If both partners really want to make the relationship work despite the distance, it definitely will.

How we managed through these long distance relationship times, especially the activities that have kept us going through the long distance period have been compiled into this book. It is a list of engaging activities that can spice up Long distance Relationships and how you can go about them. All of these activities are based on our personal experience, so you would find words like ―us, we, my, ours and other word classes affiliating to us. 

You can also tag along as Hold Up or Uphold 😀. Someone mentioned this to us after we published. Whether you choose to hold up your relationship or up hold it, it is still a conscious effort to ensure that your relationship works.

 

If you are not in a long distance relationship either, you can choose to engage any of these activities. As a plus, we have included thirty five date ideas for you and your partner. These date ideas will come in handy especially when you need to relax and evaluate your relationship from time to time.

 

We would be happy to receive your comments and testimonies here after reading this book. It is our prayer that your relationship will continually glorify God (Amen).

To get your FREE copy, kindly click here to download or click on the download button below.

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The Importance of Friendship in a Relationship

There is a common saying that “it is better to marry your best friend” and another that “the devil that you have known for a hundred years is better than the angel you just met”, are these sayings true? What does this mean? What if my best friend is not the kind of person that I would love to spend the rest of my life with? What if my best friend and I are of the same sex? All these are what we would be looking into in this post.

Many people get attracted to their partner due to different reasons. For some, the attraction came from the way they heard their partner talk; for others, the first attraction came from the mode of dressing or an act of kindness from their partners. Whatever the case maybe, something has to spark that first attraction for you to like that person. You would agree with me that it would be hard for you to like someone whose personality you cannot even cope with or whose values are entirely different from yours. This is to say that no matter who you would like to be in a relationship with, you would like them to be a person that you can relate very well with.  

  Research has shown that most of the couples that have a happy marriage were friends before they got married. For a relationship to be a good one, you and your partner have to connect on more than one level. This is where friendship comes into play. There is a need to be able to play, plan, read, pray, execute goals with your partner comfortably, this will help to strengthen the relationship and help you bond well with your partner. But how do you bond with someone you don’t even know? Let me start by saying that the person you want to start a relationship with is not necessarily supposed to have been your friend. But, no matter how you met, never skip the friendship stage. 

Tasha just met Ken at the mall and both of them exchanged phone numbers because they had a short time to talk at the mall while they were shopping and they got along so well. They also found out that they agreed on some things like soccer being a really nice game. Later the next day, Ken called Tasha and they both went out for an ice-cream. They had the time to talk more and get to know other things about each other. It was an evening of absolute cruise and thrill as the both of them had lots of fun talking about different things. In the midst of all the fun, Ken decided to ask Tasha a sweet and sincere question, so he said,

 “hey, I find out that we get along so well, and I feel like I have known you for years, (chuckles). Tash, the funniest thing is that we both even love soccer, really, I am so glad I met you at the mall yesterday."

Tasha said, “yes… it has been all fun moments with you.”

Then Ken said, “I would be really glad if we can take this friendship to another level.”

Tasha: "ok…?" (looking a bit shy and confused with a smile on her face)

Ken: "Tasha, I know we haven’t even spent up to 24 hours together but we’ve known so much about each other, so I decided to ask you, will you please be my girlfriend?"

Tasha, now all red and blushing said: "yes! yes! yes! I will love to."

****************************************

Hell no! that was not Tasha’s reply. Tasha said:

“ Ken, the truth remains, I have never felt so connected with a guy, I mean, I also feel like I have known you for a long time, and the fact that we agree on so many things? Wow... but ken, I cannot be your girlfriend, at least, not now. This is because I would really love us to get to know each other even better, so to be fair, let me ask, can we be friends?”

The point is that Tasha was able to put her emotions aside and let herself think. She definitely knew that at some point in the relationship, things might go wrong. So, no matter how bad you might want the relationship, never ever skip the stage of friendship (should I increase the volume?). The friendship stage is essential so that both individuals will get to know the basic things about each other. Things like this include their values, their drive, hobbies, life purpose, family background, personal discipline, work ethics and so on. This might look like a long and endless list of stressful things to do but they are the things that will help you know if you are compatible. Mind you, it is not possible to know all about that person at the stage of friendship.

It is also easy to feel like we can get to know these things while we are dating but the truth is if you remain friends for a reasonable time and watch each other closely, you will be able to discover new things about the other person even without asking them. By just paying attention and observing each other while being friends, you will know if your values and life’s purpose align and you will be able to decide the persons true personality to an extent. It is not possible to hide your true personality for a long time in a friendship and this is because true friends tend to be free with each other. If you are very observant, you will notice some red flags and green flags. In cases where you have discovered that the bad attributes are way more than the good attributes, you will be able to save yourself from having to break up any relationship because you never started one.

Big point: it is not about marrying your best friend, but more about not skipping the stage of friendship in your relationship. It is also not about settling for the devil you’ve known in years but being patient and observant enough to know if the new angel is not another devil in disguise.

 

Top 10 Restaurants in Ebonyi for Lovers this Valentines Day

Every year, lovers try to celebrate one another in different ways - one of which is spending quality time with each other. For one, lovers can spend quality time with each other over plates of food at a cozy, yet reasonably affordable restaurant. This is why I’m out article today, we have compiled a list of 10

1. Monded Restaurant

Launched in 2023, Monded Restaurant is located at Ezza Road, Abakaliki. Although in a small space, the restaurant features an ambience that’s suitable for lovers, friends and small family gatherings.

2. Chicken Republic

Of a truth, Chicken Republic is a long time restaurant business and while it may not be good taste for everyone, your budget may still afford you the opportunity to patronize them. For lovers this valentine who do not want to use a large budget but still intend to enjoy themselves to the fullest, you can consider visiting any Chicken Republic branch near you in Lagos State.

Top 10 Restaurants in Lagos for Lovers this Valentine

 

Here are top ten

1. Chicken Republic

Of a truth, Chicken Republic is a long time restaurant business and while it may not be good taste for everyone, your budget may still afford you the opportunity to patronize them. For lovers this valentine who do not want to use a large budget but still intend to enjoy themselves to the fullest, you can consider visiting any Chicken Republic branch near you in Lagos State.

2. 

10 Games Every Long Distance Couple Should Play Today

The essence of playing games as a couple is to have activities that always bring you together. With nothing bringing you together, your significant other will gradually become insignificant. Hence, the constant need to stay connected. One of the ways to foster quality connection between you and your significant other is to create time for each other irrespective of your tight and busy schedules.

The essence of this article is to ease the stress of thinking back and forth on how best you should spend your time together, or what to spend your time with your partner doing. This article discusses ten (10) fun and exciting games you can play with your partner even when you are miles apart.

How to Make the Game Fun

You can choose to play the games with other couples onsite or online. If you decide to play the game online due to the distance between you and your partner and you also decide to play the game with other couples, can create a common group for all of you either on WhatsApp, Telegram, or Facebook where essential information about the game will be discussed before the start of the game.

If you and your partner are the types who enjoy playing large and having a good time on a larger scale, you can make your game nights/days even more enjoyable by choosing platforms where your games are more open to a broader audience. It'll resemble a reality show. Twitter spaces, Clubhouse, Instagram Live, and Facebook live can all be used to do this. You can invite random couples to participate or keep it closed to just you and your couple buddies.

Try to explore all your options and do what works best for you, most of these games are simple and there are a few on the list for real gaming enthusiasts too. Without further ado, let’s dive straight into the games.

1. Truth or Dare

This is an age-long game played among friends and couples. The rule of the game is to take turns on who is to ask the question truth or dare. Turns can be taken onsite by spinning a bottle or randomly if the game is being played online. The person whose turn it is has to pick “Truth" or "Dare"

Picking "Truth" requires you to give a totally honest answer to a question asked by one of the players while Picking "Dare" requires you to carry out whatever action you're dared to, failure to do so means disqualification.

2. Never Have I Ever

This is one game you have to play with an open mind, each person has a limited number of "lives" let's call it that for the sake of this article, a statement is read out from a source, could be the internet or the players could come up with their own, so, for instance, the statement is "never have I ever gotten drunk" every player who HAS gotten drunk loses a life, anyone who HASN'T retains their life, the last player with lives left after a series of questions wins the round. In a game like this you can easily get to find out things you probably didn't already know about your partner, try not to take things personal, see it as a chance to get to know them a little better, and have discussion topics for later.

Read: Top 10 Restaurants in Ebonyi for Lovers this Valentine’s Day

3. Complete the Lyrics

This is quite simple and would be really fun for music lovers, one of the players says the lyrics to a song, and the player whose turn it is would be expected to correctly finish the lyrics, you might know the song or you could guess what it could be and find out if you're psychic.

4. Yes or No

This is another game that could make you and your partner burst into laughter now and then. To play the yes or no game, a simple and direct question that is supposed to have the answer YES or NO will be asked but you are not allowed to answer the question with either YES or NO.

For instance, if you ask a question like “did you fall in love with me at first sight?” a normal answer will be YES or NO but for this game the player is required to answer by saying something like, “from the first time I set my eyes on you, I knew that you were the one for me” or “oh, it was after we became

friends and got a bit closer”. Now, the game gets more fun and intense after the first question because you are to keep asking questions that require them to reply either yes or no without giving the player time to think about it. So, you can follow the first question with “did you say you just fell in love with

me at first sight.” and “did you think I was beautiful” or “were we sitting close to each other when we met” and you can go on and on and on until the person finally answers a question with either yes or no. The person who lasts the longest without saying any of these words (Yes or No) wins the game.

Guess the Movie

This game would be enjoyed by couples who see movies a lot. Depending on what you have access to, it might be a short clip, a picture or you can say out loud a statement from a movie and your partner will be required to guess the movie where the clip, picture, or statement was gotten from.

I Spy

This game is really popular and you have probably seen it done in movies when a family is on a road trip or vacation but

it doesn't always require players to be in the same space, I think

playing this game when you're in a different space than your partner adds to

the excitement and fun, you get to really think about where your partner could

be and what they could be looking at. In "I spy" a player says "I spy with my little eye, something..." then leaves a clue about what they're looking at, the clue could be a color, shape, or both, players set the rules and can have all the fun they want for as long as they want.

Two Truths and One Lie

I'm a terrible liar so I probably would be terrible at this one, the game requires you to make three statements about yourself, two of them should be true and one should be a lie, the aim is to make the lie sound as convincing as possible or at least not obvious and the other player or players have to try to figure out which of the statements is false.

This or That

This or that is a simple game that helps you know a person's preferences, it's really straightforward: two options are given by one player say "strawberry or chocolate" and the other player or players simply pick one over the other. You might've thought your partner or friend loves strawberry ice cream just to find out they're actually mad over chocolate, makes for a good laugh and conversation and gives you a little more insight into your partner or the other players.

Need For Speed

This game is one of many classic car racing games and has different versions some of which have multiplayer capabilities. If you and your partner are car lovers of just like a good healthy competition then you'll enjoy this.

Set up your cars how you like and see how your racing machine and skills compare to your partner's, take on different challenges, events, and race tracks, and don't be scared to rub it in your partner's face when you leave them in your dust, I'm kidding, don't take the bragging too far.

Call of Duty

The mobile version of this game has gained traction over the last few years, call of Duty is a multiplayer game that can simply be summarized as teams taking each other out to achieve an objective or till there is only one team or player left. The game allows teammates to communicate with each other during matches so you can strategize, experience each other’s reactions, or just have good conversation while playing. There are loads of ways you can play games like these and they tend to pull pure undiluted reactions from players especially in heated moments while playing. There are several ways a couple can enjoy this game together, here are a few suggestions; build each other's load-outs, have a kill race, give each other in-game challenges and play with another couple as a team or against each other to spice things up.

Remember these games are all aimed at helping you get closer with your partner, get to know each other better, and create fun memories together irrespective of the difference in your location. You can decide to have all the fun you want while

playing any of these games. Also spice things up and make them

work for you. I hope to see you in the comment section where you can share with

us your favorite of all 10 games. Also, feel free to share new and fun games

that couples can also play in the comment section. 

Communication in Your Relationship The essence of playing games as a couple is to have

activities that always bring you together. With nothing bringing you together, your significant other will gradually become insignificant. Hence, the constant need to stay connected. One of the ways to foster quality connection between you and your significant other is to create time for each other irrespective of your tight and busy schedules.

Conclusion

The essence of this article is to ease the stress of thinking back and forth on how best you should spend your time together, or what to spend your time with your partner doing. This article discusses 10

fun and exciting games you can play with your partner even when you are miles

apart.

How to Make the Game Fun

You can choose to play the games with other couples onsite or online. If you decide to play the game online due to the distance between you and your partner and you also decide to play the game with other couples, can create a common group for all of you either on WhatsApp, Telegram, or Facebook where essential information about the game will be discussed before the start of the game.

If you and your partner are the types who enjoy playing large and having a good time on a larger scale, you can make your game nights/days even more enjoyable by choosing platforms where your games are more open to a broader audience. It'll resemble a reality show. Twitter spaces, Clubhouse, Instagram Live, and Facebook live can all be used to do this. You can invite random couples to participate or keep it closed to just you and your couple buddies. 

Relationship Gist (Things You Should Talk About In Your Relationship)

Read: 5 Tips to Help You Build a Better Relationship

Try to explore all your options and do what works best for you. Most of these games are simple and there are a few on the list for real gaming enthusiasts too. Without further ado, let’s dive straight into the games.

Conclusion

Remember that these games are all aimed at helping you get closer with your partner, get to know each other better, and create fun memories together irrespective of the difference in your location. You can decide to have all the fun you want while playing any of these games. Also spice things up and make them work for you. I hope to see you in the comment section where you can share with

us your favorite of all 10 games. Also, feel free to share other fun games that couples can also play in the comment section. 

Èmí Ògá - The Spirit of the Boss

Who is the boss?

What is wrong with his spirit?

What exactly does the term “emi oga” mean?

These and many more are the questions we will be discussing today. 

What is “Emi Oga”?

If you are Nigerian and you are reading this post, you probably have heard people say ‘emi oga’ but in case you are not Nigerian or you are Nigerian but you don’t have a clue as to what emi oga is, I am here for you today. Before I started writing on this topic I asked some people if they know what “emi oga” means and what comes to their mind when they hear some people call themselves ”emi oga”. Some had an idea of what it meant, while some didn’t. Some have a healthy view of the origin and meaning of the saying  “emi oga”, some dislike the idea of people calling themselves “emi oga” while some don’t even care. Some thought only some certain kind of females call themselves “emi oga”. But I am here 

today to tell you what my view on “emi oga” is and should be (to the children of God here striving to have a godly relationship and a godly marital life).

In its literal form, “emi oga” means the spirit of the boss. This is a term used commonly by young ladies (in a relationship or situationship) and women in Nigeria, and just the way any other term can be misused- “Emi Oga” has also gotten into the hands and mouths of those that abuse its true meaning. At the inception of the relationship between Adam and Eve, God never planned for Eve to be a liability to her husband rather, God created them to live together, to be fruitful and multiply which means they both had a role to play and no one was created to be a servant to the other. 

This is to let us know that a true relationship is not meant to be a host-pest kind of thing. But for the people that misuse the term ”emi Oga”, this is what they mean: all they need to do is to sit down and be taken care of by their husband or partner. Someone who spends her husband’s money without working for her own money.

 

Why Do Some Ladies Have This Kind of Mentality in a Relationship? (The Wrong Perspective of Emi Oga)

If we say it is because they are women and it is what ladies are capable of, or because they are lazy, we will only be scratching the surface of the matter. Honestly, the only reason why someone will wake up to decide that they just want to be in a relationship with a rich man or get married to a wealthy man that will get them all their needs is just that they have failed to understand themselves,(THEY LACK THE KNOWLEDGE OF SELF). A lady that has taken time to study herself and understand her purpose for being on earth will not want to sit on a spot and be taken care of. Rather, she will look for ways to improve herself and let others do the same by carrying out assignments per time. A woman that has a true sense of self will know what is required of her and go for it at every point in time. Even when this woman is a full housewife, she still knows her duties and contributes to the house. She is industrious and knows how to take good care of her family.  She is a forward-thinking female, a future-thinking female. This woman can do all these because she understands herself.

A lady that does not understand herself will not be able to make use of her potentials to evolve into her best self. She will be dearly interested in just passing each day without stress while she spends her partners' money and receives surprises. Another common claim that some ladies have for doing this is that “their partner loves them enough to take care of them and that he is not complaining”. As women and young ladies, we should understand that men have egos and they don’t like to be perceived as weak or incapable, they also love to see the one they love to enjoy and not suffer- so they will not complain.

Hey love, it's another day of this precious journey of ours. A big thank you for always giving me the chance to come and discuss hot boiling relationship topics with you. I hope you had a good night's rest?

Yesterday was so fun and as usual, thank you for making effort to know what èmí ògá is all about as well as peoples perceptions of "Èmí ògá". Today, we will be looking into what the whole èmí ògá thing is supposed to be like. So sit back, grab your drinks and snacks and ride with me.

What Should Emi Oga Be Like?

When you say you love your partner, the person may be “Emi Oga” to you because the person plays an important role in your life and you do the same for the person. Your partner can be “Emi Oga” to you because they have helped you become more and supported your dreams. The term “Emi Oga” is not supposed to be used in a relationship where only the man is working, doing all the caring for, and providing the needs of the wife. In a healthy relationship, the wife/ female partner is also supposed to play a supportive role, take care of her partner, buy him things, surprise him with gifts. When God saw the need for Adam to have someone like him, He created Eve to be his “helpmate”, “a suitable companion” not a liability to her husband. Ladies should strive to be creative and innovative in all they do. Even a full housewife can do something aside from being a full-time mom. This is not for herself alone but her children, because by doing this she is teaching them to become more and do more.

Dear woman and young lady, try to create a life and environment where your partner can be free to also call himself “Emi Oga”. Doing this makes your partner feel loved and respected, in turn, he gives you all the love you need and respects you for who you are. Doing this also increases your worth because you contribute significantly to your family and society. Looking at it well, giving your partner a chance to be “Emi Oga” is giving yourself a lot more chances to be “Emi Oga”. It is a win-win.

Thank you for choosing to be more and not just a piece of furniture whose work is to beautify the house and nothing more. I hope that with this discussion of ours, you now understand what it truly means to be “Emi Oga”. I cannot wait to hear your feedback. Till tomorrow, know that I love you and that love is beautiful so let us nurture it together.

10 Ways to Love Yourself (Self-Love) in 2024

It is possible to make your friends, family, and spouse happy and show them, love, without you knowing how to love yourself. You most times feel like you are slaving for them. One thing you need to know is that true love comes from within and it can never be faked.

Self-love is a lot of things but not Selfishness. 

What is Self-love?

Self-love is a way of respecting yourself, appreciating yourself, and caring for yourself by doing things that will enhance your well-being. These things may be your physical habits, spiritual habits, social and work ethics but they must be done to enhance your inner peace.

It is when you do things that give you that inner peace and joy. When you self-love, you seldom act from a place of anger when you are with other people be it, friends or family and you can radiate this energy to everyone around you.

What is Selfishness?

Selfishness is being concerned excessively or exclusively, for oneself or one’s advantage, pleasure, or welfare, regardless of others.

From the above definitions, we can see that self-love is positive while selfishness is negative. So, let no one tell you that you are selfish when you are only trying to self-love. In case you are wondering why we are bringing this topic up again, it is because you cannot truly love others when you haven’t learned how to love yourself.

Love your neighbor as yourself is what the scriptures say in Matthew 22:37-39. There is no way you would love others if you haven’t loved yourself. When you have learned to love yourself, you make loving your partner easy because you will be able to communicate your needs to him or her.

Here are 10 ways you can choose to self-love.

1. Have a Daily Me Time

Why should we even call it Self-Love if you will not create time for yourself? You are a living entity in this noisy world, it is only very important to spend some time with yourself, every day to stay out of the noise and just be. Try this and you will feel the calmness within you.

2. Have a Great Morning Routine

It is often said that the way you spend the first 2 hours after waking up sets the tone of your day. A great morning routine that includes some of your best activities (maybe journaling, reading, exercising, praying) will help set a good tone for your day.

3. Exercise

Another form of self-love is exercising. Doing the right exercises for your body helps to keep you in good shape which in turn builds your confidence.

4. Affirmations

There is power in your tongue. Have you seen people who are big fans of self-love? They are those that affirm themselves, they constantly speak and write down the type of future they desire for themselves.

5. Volunteering

Volunteering is a way to render your help and time for the betterment of a cause, some people/ community. Being able to volunteer for different organizations helps you feel significant and useful to yourself and your community.

6. Giving: This is just like volunteering, but this has to do with more of letting go of the things you have that you know you have not been using or will be of use to others. Doing this in all sincerity will not only give you joy but also serves as a way of self-loving.

7. Eating a Balanced Diet

What goes into your body has the ability to determine how you feel. Eating a balanced diet which is not necessarily something extravagant will be a sure way to self-love.

8. Respond to people in a positive way

The way you relate with the people around you has a lot of effect of you. If someone offends you, the way you respond or react to the person will also have an adverse effect on your mood. Choosing to respond positively irrespective of the action of people towards you is one of the best ways to self-love.

9. Pray: No matter your religion, you can show yourself love by spending time to the God you believe in. Prayer has a way of strengthening and building confidence in you. Making prayer a conscious and unconscious way of life is very important as it not only gives you a certain level of confidence but it brings peace that helps you to love yourself and and everyone around you.

  

10. Have Fun

Some of us get soo busy that we run throughout the year without taking timeout to have fun, spend time alone and with loved ones. A very good decision you can make today is to self-love by taking time off work and other tasking activities and spend time with your friends, family and loved ones.

You Only Live Once, So Live. YOLO

Conclusion

With all these been said, take note that a person who does not see a need to celebrate his small wins will find it hard to do that for others because he will see it as not important. Someone who does not have personal values will see no reason to love others by respecting their values.

Be true to yourself by showing yourself love and learning how to love yourself before starting a relationship so that you can make things easier for yourself and your partner.

Today, choose to love yourself without guilt.

How to Handle Breakup Scares

 

It is very true that not everything will end up in tears. Sometimes you will excellently come out of that situation unhurt and in cases where you are scathed, you will definitely heal and progress for the best. For us, we have had people say it to our face that they are waiting patiently for the day we would break up in our relationship. When we started out, it looked much more of a scare for us and we didn't know how best to handle it. But the thing is this, you really do not need to pick a fight with anyone nor do you need to prove any point to anyone. You don't need to convince them that your relationship will not fail. You only need to be comfortable with God's word in your relationship because that is what matters in the end. This is one of many reasons why it is advised to know God first hand before going into a relationship. In our article on Dating God, we explained the need to know God first before knowing your partner.

While it is enough for you to know God, you must also assure yourself that God is with you in your relationship. Assure yourself that God does not fail and that your relationship will be a success. He definitely wants the very best for you and your partner just as He has declared in His word in Jeremiah 29:11

You also need to determine to make the relationship work. There is a position of collective work in every relationship. Just as Paul writes in 1st Corinthians 3:6, there is a need for individual efforts alongside God's grace to hold a relationship together. Your relationship is a product of your efforts to sustain it and should turn deaf ears against any form negativity. When partners put in this determination to make their relationship work, they can fight any breakup scares together.

There is also a need to sew your garment where it's torn. In every relationship, you gradually get to know certain basic things about your partner and can tell whether or not it is sufficient to cause a break up in your relationship. When you find out these loopholes, you can call your partner's attention to it and ensure that they work on these tears in the relationship.

With all of these, we still assure ourselves that God's word stands at all times. His word spoke life to our relationship and only His word can turn off that life. It is also true that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, but at the same time it is only a successful relationship that can yield into marriage. Put all hands on deck and shut out every form of negativity and you will not experience a breakup.