5 Tips on How to Survive a Relationship Breakup

It is so amusing how the term Breakup has been gradually replaced with Breakfast, especially in this part of the world. For the sake of our diverse readers, we will stick to the original term which is Breakup.

Many times when most people experience a breakup, it seems like the end of the world, especially in cases where they truly loved their partner. In most cases, ladies tend to cry while men stay sober and maybe drink so that they don’t feel the hurt, but the truth is that the hurt and pain still come back, bigger and harder. Most of the time, people tend to shut others out of their life and just remain on their own to feel the pain of breaking up.

While some people try to stay sober or drink or shut people out, some other people try to suppress the hurt that they feel and pretend as if nothing happened. One might think that is the best solution, but it is one of the worse things to do- not allowing yourself to feel the hurt of a breakup. Different people with different ways of dealing with their pains and hurt but in this post, I will be giving 5 tips on how to survive a breakup well and good.

Allow Yourself to Feel the Hurt but Not for Long 

It is very normal to think of our past relationship or ex even after your breakup with them and thoughts like this always come back, especially at times you are just on your own or you see the things or go to places where you both have been to. It is not wrong that after your breakup with your partner, you feel pained and sad. The pain will even be harder for someone who already has big plans and loads of expectations for the relationship and from their partner. But like I mentioned above, it is not good to try to push aside the pain and behave as if no shit just happened in your life. In the long run, things might keep getting out of hand. It is good to feel the pain, and cry if you need to. It is good to let out your emotions and not suppress them. As good as it is to let out your emotions, it is best not to allow yourself to spend forever in the past. The relationship is gone, and now in the past, so it is best to let it be, and move on. Hard as this may seem, it is one of the best ways to survive a relationship breakup. Feel the pain but know when to cut it off.

Focus on You

Breakups are so hard that they may want to take everything from you. Break up is ready to strip you of any strength you think you possess but the best thing to do at this time is to make yourself the priority. This is a very good time to not only focus on yourself but also pick up new hobbies, take yourself on a picnic, travel to new places if you can afford it, set new goals for yourself, exercise, take a course, volunteer, just have fun. While having fun and enjoying life the best way you can, make sure that you remind yourself of who you are, and say nice and positive things about yourself. Speaking words of affirmation to yourself, words that tell you how much you are loved will help you pull through the tough moments after a relationship breakup. As much as this is a time to have all the ‘me time’, all the fun, and discover new things about yourself, this isn’t the right time to jump into a new relationship. It is best to give yourself ample time to recover and heal from the breakup and all the insecurities and fear that might have come with it. Most people drag themselves into the same cycle of breakup over and over again because they feel lost and broken as an individual and I feel like having a partner or being in a relationship will heal them. Give your inner man the time to catch up on the fun things that could not be done when you had your ex in your life.

Reach out to Family and Friends

As much as this is the time to focus on you, it is also a good time to bond with your friends and family members, have all the time you can with them, and catch up on things that you couldn’t do while you were in that previous relationship.  During this time, have fun and go out with your friends, attend family functions, and spend time with your parents, siblings, and other extended family members. Help out and be useful. By doing this, you might be making them smile, thereby, making yourself happy too. Also, when you spend time with your friends and family, they help you to get over this period of pain by showing you love and care and letting you know that you are not alone. Bond!

Learn from Your Experience

After a breakup, it is good to let the past dwell in the past, but also better to learn from your past mistakes. Something that you and your ex did or didn’t do might have led to the breakup. It is better to use this to your advantage so that such mistakes will not repeat themselves in your future relationship. You can achieve this through the power of questioning. How to do this is to ask yourself a series of questions that will help you look deep into how you played your role and how your partner played his or her role and where it all went wrong. Sometimes, doing this alone might be hard as it will open up memories of the relationship hence, you should do this with the help of a therapist, coach, or counselor. They will be able to help you better trace the happenings in your life and past relationships and join the dot till you can make sense of it. In this way, you will also be able to heal from the hurt and insecurities that came out of the relationship with you. This will also help you to know how to be a better partner in your new relationship.

Move on 

n the process of trying to get over your breakup, different memories will surely come to mind. It might come from you seeing pictures of the person, you going somewhere that you have been with the person, or just seeing the person pass. Different things can spring up the thought of the person even silence. When these memories flash through your mind, you might be tempted to start stalking them on their social media account or stalking the person physically. You might even find yourself wanting to force yourself on them and this isn’t a good one to do. In other to get over these feelings, it is better to make sure that you constantly remind yourself why that relationship was no more conducive for you both and you must try to wave all the memories of the person when they come up in your mind. Although it is good to be on good terms with your ex, (depending on what caused the breakup) if you think seeing them will make things worse for you, it is better to unfollow them on your social media account and try to get rid of things that might remind you of them pending the time that you are trying to get hold of yourself.

 

Conclusion

Getting over a breakup isn’t a very easy thing to do, but it is a very good thing to do to avoid more of it repeating itself. Pay attention to yourself and your growth at this moment,  make sure that you trace the dots and observe the patterns so that you won’t have to make the same mistake time and time again.

Relationship Labels (Things We Should Normalize in a Relationship)

Most of the time I’ve heard people say things like “You are taking this relationship too serious”, “Calm down and enjoy your life what if it doesn’t work out.” Far from all these things what is noteworthy is that as humans we often label different things: from activities to human even to our relationships. When we label these things (humans, activities even our relationship), these labels tend to keep us from expressing ourselves to our full capacity.

Love is Important

When you label a relationship Godly or serious, that is when you begin to see that only in such a relationship should you come together as a couple to pray and share the word of God, that is when you begin to think that reading with your partner, having book and video reviews are activities meant for those in a serious relationship.

Every couple in a relationship should take out time to pray as a couple and read not just the word of God but also books that would enhance their lives in all aspects, doing things like that would help both individuals to grow into strong people, and a strong couple, it will help them to also understand each other more and communicate more effectively hence, they fulfill purpose together as an individual and as a couple. 

Who Should Say Sorry First.

My darling, know that it is not weird to pray for and with your partner, it is not weird to study the word of God together; neither is it for people in Godly relationships alone, if we can inculcate habits like these into our relationships, 

we would save ourselves a good number of heartache because even if things does not work out both of you only gained from the relationship.

I can’t wait to write you again next week. I love you, and remember Lolonyo (Love is Beautiful). 

Goals, Purpose and Relationship

We would expect that the president of a country would never want to sleep  a bridge- Why? Because He is the president, why sleep under a bridge when he can afford to buy a house just for the night? In the same vein, an average person will want nothing but a great relationship with friends, families, coworkers, and most especially with their partners because, who would want less? But having a great relationship will require nothing but great work, commitment, and sacrifice.

Before anyone gets entangled in the relationship web, there are certain things you need to know and the most important of them all is the need to know who you are and what you want to achieve in life/in your relationship. 

Below is an illustration I so much love using anytime I get the chance to, because it does justice to what we are discussing.

Imagine a man that is on his way to swim and he gets the chance to pick someone to accompany him, and out of the three people he was presented with, there's one dressed like he is going to hike, another like he is going for an official meeting and the third like he is going to the beach. He would be considered unwise if he picks any of the first two but smart if he settles for the one dressed in a beachwear. However, the fact that the person is dressed in his beachwear doesn’t mean he is going to the beach to swim; he might just be going to enjoy nature which makes him inappropriate to accompany the man. The message I am trying to pass with this scenario is that- on your journey to having a great relationship, you need to choose the person that runs in line with your purpose.

But what happens if one does not even know the purpose of his existence? He would have chosen just any of the three, done what that person is doing and he would have successfully wasted quality time, probably more than he should have because he was  running with another person's purpose.

This also affects our relationship, how?

Take for instance a lady who wants to have a relationship (that will lead to marriage) with a 'God-fearing' man who will support her in all she does. It will be wrong for her to say yes to a man that does not believe in God nor goes to church, or a man that doesn’t see the good in what people do or never thinks of the future of their relationship. Why? Because she knows what she wants and if she does contrary to that, she will be making a great mistake. But even at that, finding a man that has all qualities at the first contact does not mean that he is the right person for her. 

The fact that she knows what she wants will guide her in making the first decision, and this goes for us all. There is a need to know what we want out of our relationship before we consider starting one. We must think of the circumstances surrounding us and the things that we want to work towards with our partner; if the person one is thinking of dating does not have any of these qualities or work in line with any of these, that might be a call to calm down and go easy.

To be continued… 

How to Know if he's seriously into you

Your previous relationship has a way of projecting your fears into the future. This is why many ladies today begin to doubt any guy that comes their way. Many times, they do this because they the want to be sure of the guy's intentions, plus they "don’t know who is who". Some are just sacred of commitment or heart break and not just because their heart had been broken before. The follow signs of knowing if he truly loves you whether he says it out loud or not. Well, you all ought to be warned that these signs are not totally it but it could really be of help to all ladies

1. He Listens

If a guy listens attentively and almost always remembers what you say, it certainly means that he is into you. This also makes him not to forget your special days. Never. Also, since he listens, you already realized that he knows everything about you not excluding the littlest details. This should tell you that he is interested in your life.

 

2. He puts you in the picture

He uses the term “we” or “ours” in place of “I” or “mine” while communicating (and the catchiest thing is that he doesn’t even realize it).
 

3. He Respects You

He respects you in all manners you could think of.
5.      He takes care of your needs and treats you like his baby.
6.      He cannot stay mad at you for long no matter the reasons even if you tease him or fool around him.
7.      He becomes your special advisers at certain points in times.
8.      He readily swallows his pride and apologizes after a fight.
9.      He stands a bit too close or wraps his hands around you when you are talking to some other guys.

10.  He loves to hear your opinion when making important decisions about his own life which at times you think is none of your business.
11.  He joins to laugh you when you are having a good laugh with others.
12.  He loves spending time with you when you actually thought he is trying to be helpful which is however true also.
 

He is Protective

He is quite protective of you. This doesn’t mean he fights every other interested guys but means he always love to know you are safe no matter where you are. In this case, you sometimes see that he instinctively holds your hands while you're in public to show that he cares.
 

14.  He makes a lot of effort to be liked by your friends and family.
15.  16.  He talks a lot as he really wants to keep you updated and informed about the happenings in his life such as discussing his plans, his work-mates habits, how annoying his friends can be, what he didn’t really like that you did, and many more. He loves you which is the reason why he opens up to you easily while you think you’ve got a guy as your best friend.

How to Please God Sexually In Your Relationship

Sexual feelings and urges are normal occurrences for every normal person and in fact, these urges are an indication that you are a perfectly created being by God. But what do we do with them outside the walls of marriage? How do we handle these urges when them come? In what ways can we please God sexually in your relationship.

A normal human being who is and isn’t in a relationship has every right to have those feelings pop up once in a while. Therefore, this doesn’t have to be aroused or sparked up by our partner as some feel that it should only occur when in a relationship.

Are My Sexual feelings normal?

Having said that, it is no secret that these feelings can also be activated by the kind of images you set your eyes on, certain touches at sensitive parts of the body, a flashing thought of a scene from a movie or even reality. These are just a few.

Having established these basics, how then can we honor God with this sexual feelings/urges most especially when we are in a relationship?

How can we honor God with these feelings of ours?
Well, we must understand that as much as we own our bodies, we ain’t the creators of it. It is created with a high price. Look at what the Holy Book says,

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 1 Cor 6:19
How do we then control these urges as partners in a relationship while outside the confines of marriage?

1.Understand that Your Partner’s Body Isn’t Yours Just Yet
The modern day belief never fails to inform young men and women that the best way to show your partner that you love him/her and even have a long lasting relationship is to have sex even before marriage. While some automatically believe that once you are courting/dating, your partner has complete rights to your body, the Bible negates such claim.

It’s not yet mine!
In the sixth paragraph, you’ll see how the Patriarch, Paul puts it. I’m pretty sure he had seen men and women fumble around with their bodies. It is only under the context of coming together as husband and wife that automatically gives you a legal right and ownership to each other’s bodies. It only then that you can become sexually active with your partner.

2. Create Boundaries

Sexual feelings towards partners in relationships are absolutely normal, but must be controlled before marriage. Setting limits in a sexually pure relationship is important. Boundaries makes it easier for couples to know their limits when relating with one another.

Set boundaries that makes the journey easier for you. It shouldn’t be difficult for partners to open up to each other about their weaknesses. This will enable them set boundaries that will keep them sexually pure.

3. Open Up To Your Partner and Understand Each Other.

As our faces differ, so does our area of sensitivities. What turns partner A on may be different from what turns partner B on. The ability for partners in godly relationships to open up about such is vital.

Never be afraid to open up. You may be surprised that it helps to build your relationship.
As you create boundaries in your relationships, never keep quiet about what sets you on ‘fire’. Don’t be afraid to talk about your fears and concerns. It will even build trust.

4. Make Divine Promises And Keep It

Talking to each other about your feelings is one thing, but making divine promises about remaining chaste and also keeping it is another. Divine promises in relationships are promises made to God to remain pure till ‘i do’ night.

We will remain sexually pure.
The media has trivialised the sanctity of Holy matrimony by endorsing sex before marriage which has made many see it as a norm. This is outside God’s perfect will for us:

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Heb 13:4
 

5. Associate With Persons Of Like Mind

Ever heard the phrase, ‘show me your friend and i will tell you who you are?’ I guess you have. Running this race of sexual purity can get lonely at times especially when you are with the wrong association. You’ll begin to ask yourself? “is it even worth it?” Look at how the wisest man, King Solomon put it,

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Prov 27:17

It may be feel right walking alone but it’s wiser to travel the journey of sexual purity with like minds.
If you make tight friends with people of no convictions, sooner or later, you’ll walk in their ways. Endeavor to associate with like minds who share like thoughts.

6. Hide God’s Word In Your Heart
It’s one thing to have the word of God on your lips and another thing to know it by heart. The difference is in it’s practice. Once you read, meditate and hide it in your heart, it becomes a part of your subconscious.

It even gets better when you read and memorize it together with your partner.
Find out how to make it more interesting here.

7. Pray Individually And Collectively
Prayer is a major password for an effective journey to sexual purity. Praying alone and for each other is important, but praying together is most important. It is an ingredient that solidifies your commitment to God.

Prayer solidifies your commitment.
It is a magnet that attracts your partner’s desires to yours. When one of you tries to deviate or fall out, prayer is the key to bring you back together. It is also a strengthener of your weaknesses. It is a binding force of attraction to each other while keeping yourself for each other. Prayer is the ultimate factor for remaining sexually pure.

8. Agree on Your Standards and Convictions

In Amos 3:3, a simple question was asked - "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" With this question, we see that the journey of sexual purity requires total devotion and agreement. If your partner doesn’t agree with your convictions to please God sexually by remaining chaste, it will be very difficult to thread that path. An agreement on your convictions will ensure a smoother walk. To please God with our sexual feelings, we must walk and agree with the right partner.

I agree to walk this walk of sexual purity with you!

9. Don’t feed your Fantasies

At one point in life or the other, we tend to create fantasies in our heads. When it comes to being with the one we love, we look forward to great times with them and if we aren’t careful, we may end up satisfying these desires lustfully.

I know and understand that each time you see your partner, the chemical reactions in your body act fast, wanting to create a biological formation but you must apply physics at this point: the push force. Do not for any reason apply the pull force or else, you might regret your actions.

Rather than feed your phantasm, distract them.
Other times, you might be tempted to take a look at pornographic pictures/videos, but you must determine in your heart to remain sexually pure both in thoughts and in deed. This goes for the men and women. Apostle Paul said to the Corinthians when he realized that some of them could no longer control themselves. He advised, ‘it is better to marry than to burn.

Nevertheless beloved, God’s grace is sufficient for us. Let’s heed to one of the greatest advise of all times,

This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. Gal 5:16

10.Walk Away When Things Start Getting Heated Up
As much as we try not to get into uncomfortable situations, our flesh may try to hinder us. At the point when our hands are loosing control, what do we do? I believe that when one partner seems to be weak, the other should be strong. If at any point you see that your partner is too weak to let go, you can simply walk away. Don’t try to apologize, else you might be weakened. After a while, come back and talk about it in an open space and most importantly, renew number 4.

Help yourselves by walking away for that period.
Remember, you are partners in progress and the goal to please God must always be your number one priority.

11. Be accountable to Someone

Accountability requires that you are answerable to someone. In remaining sexually pure in your relationship, you need someone/some people who you are answerable to. The truth is, it will get tough at some point, but having an accountable figure/figures who are trustworthy will ensure that you are law abiding and also help you pour out your struggles to him or her.

As we conclude this article, you must understand that God’s grace abounds to help us win the battle against our flesh while running this race of sexual purity. Don’t be desperate in settling for any Tom, Dick and Harry just because you don’t want to feel lonely. Find, and be found of a godly partner - even if it tarries, God will surely bring you the best. The very best that will help accomplish your walk. Are you finding it hard to find the right one? Read here.


Please say this after me, I and my partner will please God with our bodies. Till i come your way next time, do remain in God.