How to Apologise When You Are Not Wrong

Who says apologizing makes you weaker in your relationship?

Whether you admit it or not, apologizing can never be a sign of weakness in a relationship, because you can only apologize if you’ve really got the guts and courage to confront him or her. However, there are some people, who you will probably know of, that are just in the habit of apologizing because they feel that their relationship is at stake. I believe it is not wrong to keep apologizing just for the sake of saving your relationship.

When we speak of who is to say “sorry” in a relationship, it is very important to always remind yourself that nobody on this earth is perfect. We will have one flaw or the other and it is absolutely OK to make mistakes and offend our partners at one point in time or the other (it should eventually result to a proof that you both are compatible)

A supporting quote from a certain love and relationship expert confirms what I am saying in essence: “Apologizing does not always mean that you have done wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your own ego”.

Actually, it is a very tricky thing to accomplish when you apologize, knowing fully well that you have done nothing wrong at all.

Sometimes, it will be very obvious that your partner or spouse is the one at fault. But with the mentality of “This is not all about me, this is not all about him, it’s about us. ” Then you will understand that there are some situations that you will need to be the one saying “Its okay, I’m sorry about everything”. Such understanding must have gotten you to be reading this article.

Well, I will confirm to you based on personal experience in my previous relationship that the manner which you apologize, guilty or not, just your decision to apologize will definitely determine whether you will be forgiven or not. An apology without forgiveness or reunion is nothing. It is better not to have even apologized in the beginning. If the apology does not sound sincere, chances are they will not be accepted at all.

The subsequent consequences of your relationship, courtship or marriage could be so tough. But trust me, your inability to apologize to your spouse when needed can also aid even a tougher consequence.

So your partner keeps falsely accusing you of something you actually did not do or know nothing about? And you just feel like this is a mess, like you are under a very disturbed attack?.

Those words of apologies fail to escape from your lips? And you feel that this is all about you alone. No sweetheart, it has got something to do with the interest of your relationship.

There may be a need for you to be the storm calmer. You may need to be the one to apologize. This could be the best and simple way to get going in your relationship, to prevent it from hitting a snag.

Now, I want you to understand that there is a large story to play. Do not put yourself under unwarranted pressure, guilt or blame. You are only doing it because there is every need to. It is not all about buying the best red flowers, shedding tears or simply saying “sorry” in a best-structured way. It has to be sincere.

There are some ways you can apologize even when you have done nothing wrong.

Why apologize, anyway?

There are numerous reasons why you should be the one making a sincere apology when you have done nothing wrong.

When you apologize, you help the other person acknowledge that he or she has engaged in an unacceptable behaviour. It paves the way for your partner’s willingness to admit his or her mistakes and gives an opportunity to encourage sound communication between both of you.

In a way, your apology can help in the rebuilding of trust and reestablishing of that connection you have with the other person.

Far worse, If the situation of “who did wrong? ” had drained the rhapsodical conversations between you both, your apology automatically opens a dialogue between yourself and the other person.

What is more, when you help the other person admit that the situation was nobody’s fault by apologizing, you are restoring dignity to yourself, the one who is hurt.

Your apology when you have done nothing wrong shows that you are taking responsibility. It makes you feel a sense of relief and unveils that matured side of you when it comes to handling betrayal.

Of course, I can agree with you if you say that your partner must apologize for his or her wrongdoings, it’s highly expected. But look, If your apology is the only thing that can possibly hearten your now-deterring relationship, then DO IT. So long as you value such a relationship. You know, not everyone has the same stand like you.

Undeniably, I understand that apologizing when you are not wrong may seem irksome and difficult. But have you ever wondered why apologies are difficult?. Some people feel that they will be full of shame and embarrassment over the actions that can not bring themselves to the face of their partner. But the truth is, apologies requires courage, whether guilty or not guilty. It may seem to put you in a vulnerable position when you admit that you are the one who has done wrong.

In most cases, it opens you up to more false blame and attack. This is a reason why some people struggle to show this courage to apologize even when they are innocent. But there are ways; psychologically proven ways that you can apologize even when you are not wrong. It is just to make peace and ensure things are smooth as before. Here are a few ways to apologise when you are not wrong.

1. Play the Bigger role

Putting things off for a very long time only gives space for anger and grudge to grow. Sometimes, your partner was wrong and you were a little wrong too. It is also important for you to play a bigger role by being the bigger person in this issue, accept the negative aspect of the situation in order to proceed, then apologize. When you both discuss, later on, you can eventually pour out your mind to your partner how he or she had made you feel. You have to take the stance to bite the bullet and apologize. The likelihood is that your partner will do the same thing for you.

2. It is wise to listen well

No matter who is at fault, you have to exercise your listening skills when you want to apologize for what you have not done. Why? In a situation where you need to apologize, the other person will surely have some different feelings about the same situation on ground, in contrast to yours. Hearing is different from listening. I have heard people say ” I’ve heard all that he has to say, there is no point apologizing”. I’ve also heard people say “I’ve listened to him,I think we need to settle our differences”. Yeah, when you listen and not just hear, you tune in (using your mental focus), putting yourself in your partner’s shoe and acknowledge that you understood what they said. It is time for you to listen to what they have to say first like it is your job. No interruption, no disagreement. Listen first, and then apologizing becomes easier.

3. It is not enough to just say it

So sometimes ago, you and your spouse agreed to go to the movies at 9pm. And after waiting for two hours, he called that it should be postponed. Now you feel disappointed as it was a big deal to you, his apologies had no effect, you got a little bit mad and decided to take rough reactions. After several potholes, you just decided to apologize for something he had started in the beginning. After a couple of weeks, same thing happened and you took same rough action and kept on willingly apologizing for what you did not actually start. What is the essence of an apology when your actions do not speak with it?. Your action in this situation will speak louder than words. If you do not follow through, you have crossed the line into deterring your partner’s trust. Let your action speak too. It is part of you playing the bigger role.

4. Apologize with a clear head

Before you apologise, take a very good time to think things over. You need to understand what the other person has done, why it was done, and what is has caused on your relationship. Why does it upset you so much that you find it hard to apologize? , except your partner has done something knee-jerk which demands immediate apology. If you do not go into your apology with a clear head, you could just start with a fit of residual anger or resentment and make it even worse. Think things over, whether it is just a little wrong or a major relationship crime that takes time to be sorted out.

5. Apologize in the right way

If you’re concerned that your words won’t come out right when you apologize, write down what you want to say, and then role-play the conversation with a trusted friend or colleague. However, don’t practice so much that your apology sounds rehearsed.

Once it’s time to do the deed, you have to do things right, which means you have to get into full-on apology mode. No phones. No text apologies. No TV in the background. Just you, your partner, and some real eye contact. And then you just have to apologize. Say, “I’m sorry I…” and explain what you’re apologizing. This will kick start the discussion and open the door for you both to share your feelings.

6. Don’t give excuses

When you are apologizing, you will be tempted to explain your actions. This may be useful, but from personal experience, explanations are often seen as excuses, and these can weaken your apology. Don’t shift part of the blame onto someone or something else in an attempt to reduce or elude responsibility.

Here is an example of using excuses in an apology:

I’M SORRY THAT I SNAPPED AT YOU WHEN YOU BARGED INTO MY OFFICE YESTERDAY. I WAS SO BUSY AND MY BOSS DEMANDED MY PROJECT REPORT AN HOUR EARLIER THAN PLANNED.

In this particular case, you excuse your behavior because of stress, and you imply that the other person was at fault because he bothered you on a busy day and barged into your office. This makes you look weak.

How to Please God Sexually In Your Relationship

Sexual feelings and urges are normal occurrences for every normal person and in fact, these urges are an indication that you are a perfectly created being by God. But what do we do with them outside the walls of marriage? How do we handle these urges when them come? In what ways can we please God sexually in your relationship.

A normal human being who is and isn’t in a relationship has every right to have those feelings pop up once in a while. Therefore, this doesn’t have to be aroused or sparked up by our partner as some feel that it should only occur when in a relationship.

Are My Sexual feelings normal?

Having said that, it is no secret that these feelings can also be activated by the kind of images you set your eyes on, certain touches at sensitive parts of the body, a flashing thought of a scene from a movie or even reality. These are just a few.

Having established these basics, how then can we honor God with this sexual feelings/urges most especially when we are in a relationship?

How can we honor God with these feelings of ours?
Well, we must understand that as much as we own our bodies, we ain’t the creators of it. It is created with a high price. Look at what the Holy Book says,

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 1 Cor 6:19
How do we then control these urges as partners in a relationship while outside the confines of marriage?

1.Understand that Your Partner’s Body Isn’t Yours Just Yet
The modern day belief never fails to inform young men and women that the best way to show your partner that you love him/her and even have a long lasting relationship is to have sex even before marriage. While some automatically believe that once you are courting/dating, your partner has complete rights to your body, the Bible negates such claim.

It’s not yet mine!
In the sixth paragraph, you’ll see how the Patriarch, Paul puts it. I’m pretty sure he had seen men and women fumble around with their bodies. It is only under the context of coming together as husband and wife that automatically gives you a legal right and ownership to each other’s bodies. It only then that you can become sexually active with your partner.

2. Create Boundaries

Sexual feelings towards partners in relationships are absolutely normal, but must be controlled before marriage. Setting limits in a sexually pure relationship is important. Boundaries makes it easier for couples to know their limits when relating with one another.

Set boundaries that makes the journey easier for you. It shouldn’t be difficult for partners to open up to each other about their weaknesses. This will enable them set boundaries that will keep them sexually pure.

3. Open Up To Your Partner and Understand Each Other.

As our faces differ, so does our area of sensitivities. What turns partner A on may be different from what turns partner B on. The ability for partners in godly relationships to open up about such is vital.

Never be afraid to open up. You may be surprised that it helps to build your relationship.
As you create boundaries in your relationships, never keep quiet about what sets you on ‘fire’. Don’t be afraid to talk about your fears and concerns. It will even build trust.

4. Make Divine Promises And Keep It

Talking to each other about your feelings is one thing, but making divine promises about remaining chaste and also keeping it is another. Divine promises in relationships are promises made to God to remain pure till ‘i do’ night.

We will remain sexually pure.
The media has trivialised the sanctity of Holy matrimony by endorsing sex before marriage which has made many see it as a norm. This is outside God’s perfect will for us:

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Heb 13:4
 

5. Associate With Persons Of Like Mind

Ever heard the phrase, ‘show me your friend and i will tell you who you are?’ I guess you have. Running this race of sexual purity can get lonely at times especially when you are with the wrong association. You’ll begin to ask yourself? “is it even worth it?” Look at how the wisest man, King Solomon put it,

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Prov 27:17

It may be feel right walking alone but it’s wiser to travel the journey of sexual purity with like minds.
If you make tight friends with people of no convictions, sooner or later, you’ll walk in their ways. Endeavor to associate with like minds who share like thoughts.

6. Hide God’s Word In Your Heart
It’s one thing to have the word of God on your lips and another thing to know it by heart. The difference is in it’s practice. Once you read, meditate and hide it in your heart, it becomes a part of your subconscious.

It even gets better when you read and memorize it together with your partner.
Find out how to make it more interesting here.

7. Pray Individually And Collectively
Prayer is a major password for an effective journey to sexual purity. Praying alone and for each other is important, but praying together is most important. It is an ingredient that solidifies your commitment to God.

Prayer solidifies your commitment.
It is a magnet that attracts your partner’s desires to yours. When one of you tries to deviate or fall out, prayer is the key to bring you back together. It is also a strengthener of your weaknesses. It is a binding force of attraction to each other while keeping yourself for each other. Prayer is the ultimate factor for remaining sexually pure.

8. Agree on Your Standards and Convictions

In Amos 3:3, a simple question was asked - "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" With this question, we see that the journey of sexual purity requires total devotion and agreement. If your partner doesn’t agree with your convictions to please God sexually by remaining chaste, it will be very difficult to thread that path. An agreement on your convictions will ensure a smoother walk. To please God with our sexual feelings, we must walk and agree with the right partner.

I agree to walk this walk of sexual purity with you!

9. Don’t feed your Fantasies

At one point in life or the other, we tend to create fantasies in our heads. When it comes to being with the one we love, we look forward to great times with them and if we aren’t careful, we may end up satisfying these desires lustfully.

I know and understand that each time you see your partner, the chemical reactions in your body act fast, wanting to create a biological formation but you must apply physics at this point: the push force. Do not for any reason apply the pull force or else, you might regret your actions.

Rather than feed your phantasm, distract them.
Other times, you might be tempted to take a look at pornographic pictures/videos, but you must determine in your heart to remain sexually pure both in thoughts and in deed. This goes for the men and women. Apostle Paul said to the Corinthians when he realized that some of them could no longer control themselves. He advised, ‘it is better to marry than to burn.

Nevertheless beloved, God’s grace is sufficient for us. Let’s heed to one of the greatest advise of all times,

This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. Gal 5:16

10.Walk Away When Things Start Getting Heated Up
As much as we try not to get into uncomfortable situations, our flesh may try to hinder us. At the point when our hands are loosing control, what do we do? I believe that when one partner seems to be weak, the other should be strong. If at any point you see that your partner is too weak to let go, you can simply walk away. Don’t try to apologize, else you might be weakened. After a while, come back and talk about it in an open space and most importantly, renew number 4.

Help yourselves by walking away for that period.
Remember, you are partners in progress and the goal to please God must always be your number one priority.

11. Be accountable to Someone

Accountability requires that you are answerable to someone. In remaining sexually pure in your relationship, you need someone/some people who you are answerable to. The truth is, it will get tough at some point, but having an accountable figure/figures who are trustworthy will ensure that you are law abiding and also help you pour out your struggles to him or her.

As we conclude this article, you must understand that God’s grace abounds to help us win the battle against our flesh while running this race of sexual purity. Don’t be desperate in settling for any Tom, Dick and Harry just because you don’t want to feel lonely. Find, and be found of a godly partner - even if it tarries, God will surely bring you the best. The very best that will help accomplish your walk. Are you finding it hard to find the right one? Read here.


Please say this after me, I and my partner will please God with our bodies. Till i come your way next time, do remain in God.

5 Ways to Successfully Ask a Christian Lady Out

 

First, make sure you are confident and have a clear idea of what you want to ask the lady out for (i.e. a date, a coffee, etc.).

    Approach the lady in a polite and respectful manner, and introduce yourself if you have not met before.

    Compliment the lady on something you find attractive or interesting about her, such as her smile or her style.

    Ask if she would be interested in going out with you. Be specific about the details (e.g. "Would you like to grab a coffee with me this weekend?").

    Be prepared for rejection, and handle it gracefully if it does happen. Thank the lady for her time, and wish her well. Do not push for an explanation or try to change her mind. You can read our article here on Why Christian Ladies reject/refuse Relationship  Proposals

5 Lessons from Our 5 Year Courtship Anniversary

1. Time reveals: Oh yes, time does. People miss it in marriage mostly because they didn't pay attention while they were dating or courting. Time reveals character, capacity, wisdom, progress, plans, etc.

You would know the person well (maybe not totally), when you pay attention to them. It won't take time before you'd start to see their real self. It's the same with even you as a person, you'd begin to learn different things about yourself that you never knew.

With time, you'd start to really see who your partner is and it can't hide for long.

2. Time tells stories: Today, we took a step back to look at where we were when we met and where we are now and they don't even match. We had our different seasons with different challenges. Some things we worried about 2 years ago are not the same things we're thinking now. Seasons change and you must recognize it.

There was a time we would think days before buying something or days we'd delay gratification for a need because we couldn't afford it. Lool.

I think it was in our first year that I helped babe save so much to get a new laptop so we could share it since I didn't have one. Now, I have 2.😂

3. You can follow God's will: I think that if there's anything we've hacked together, it's following God's will. We never second guess instructions from God and we're always in sync so if God is telling one person, best believe that the other person knows about it.

You can follow God's will and have a partner who is ready to move with you on it. Getting someone who is not slow in the Spirit is a big flex. You won't argue about so much and you'd have little differences because you're plugged to the same source.

You can and will have it.

4. The concept of mirroring Jesus Christ and the church is not impossible: Oh, we're not perfect o but, I constantly see a reflection of how God loves me in my relationship and it's not by mouth. The love that comes with obvious sacrifice, inconvenience and loyalty to the one you love even when it hurts.

Lol like, we share the smallest things, give all it takes to see the other person achieve their goals, celebrate our wins, sacrifice enjoyment to be with the other person even when you don't feel like it, forgive again and again and even before they offend you, support them when they are not there and love our families.

Must be another Christ.

5. Love is not just a feeling but an intentional decision to love the other person with everything that comes with it. There would be days you just want to bounce out and there are days you don't want them out of your sight. On either days, your decision to love must stand.

If Jesus chose to love us even before we came in, how much more us? That's how we think.

You get to a point where there's nothing they can do to freak you out, you have forgiven them already and moved. A lot of break ups would be avoided if we understand this. You don't wake up one morning to say you're not "feeling" it anymore. Build strong convictions.

I remember the last physical Becoming More with Della and babe was in charge of media— making the event go smooth and doing all the work while I just had to go up stage and do my thing.

Pastor Usen MJ had sighted him and the way he was working all through the event. He called me aside and said "Della. There's something about that man wearing blue and serving. Have you considered him for a relationship?"

This was last year and he didn't even know anything was up. I just said "Pastor, I have this man on lockdown already. Not letting him go." And we laughed.😂

Ladies, in all your getting, get a man who would;

1. LOVE you as a big deal 

2. Be kind to you first as a person before a partner (you'd see this in the way they relate with people). He must have built character.

3. Catch a revelation of who you are first before God (he must understand your purpose and calling like the back of his palms)

4. God extra miles to support you and everything that comes with it. He must be your hype man, covering and defender

5. Above everything else, love the LORD with all his heart and with all his soul including the things of God. Very important. If he loves the Lord, loving you would be a walk in the park.

Or the crusade we had earlier this year. It was almost time to show the last part of the movie through the projector and suddenly, the laptop stopped working. Babe was in charge of this part of the crusade but he just didn't tell me at first.

He later called me to tell me, we went aside and laid hands on the laptop and started praying it back on. Immediately it was time for it to show, the laptop came back on.

We just remained calm and let it play. Nobody around knew what had happened. See, with this man, my soul has escaped. There's nothing anyone can do to me.😂

Did anyone lie to you to say men won't want to be with you if you are too ambitious as a woman? Please, just laugh and tell them you are not just about men, you are about sons.

When God gives you His son, he would see your ambitions as God's and do his assignment in your calling. He won't be intimidated and the devil will have no hold over his mind. He will see your fulfillment of purpose as the glorification Christ and not a tool to silence him.

The head cannot be silenced. To recognize a person, you will have to see the head first. Do what you will with this information.😂

Ordinary this one, the devil continues to wage war. When we now get married nko? 

He go dey foam for mouth.😂

31 Days in the Triangle

Godly relationships are designed by default to be a triangle with God, you and your partner as active participants in the growth and success of that relationship. This means that all three parties have tangible roles and the exclusion of one party invalidates the relationship

The 31 Days in the Triangle is an online programme that positions you in the right side of your relationship triangle. It is designed to help courting and married couples bond with the father and stay intimate while exploring their love journey. From March 1st through 31st, we would host you with Daily Couple Devotionals, Daily Prompts, Prophetic Confessions, Weekly Prayer Meetings and ultimately, an end of the month hangout.

To register for the 31 Days in the Triangle, you simply need to click here. Both partners are advised to register individually (of course you can register twice - for yourself and your partner). You can also share this link with your partner so that they can join in too. Upon a successful registration, you will be redirected to a closed Whatsapp group.

We hope to see you in soon! Cheers to a blissful relationship!

Update

 

 

 

 

35 Ways To Say I Love You Without Saying It.

It's quite easy to say the words "I love you" even when you don't truly mean it, this post is not about saying these exact words or even showing it through actions. Don't get me wrong, it's important to tell your significant other how much you love them and even more important to show how much, but today's emphasis is on how other statements can still communicate that love, and in certain situations and contexts might even mean more to your partner than "I love you".

8 Amazing Ways To Keep Her By Your Side Forever

At this point, we're all aware of the power of words to a good extent, and we even know how beautiful it can be when you say something at the right time and even how terrible it can be to say that same thing at the wrong time, human communication is affected greatly by context, tone, and timing among other things.

We've all probably seen movies or read books where something happens between the couple, tempers flare and one of the pair decides to stop shouting and does or says something sweet instead and just like sorcery, it's problem solved! and most times what was said is not "I love you" but we can tell that is what was meant.

Who is Èmí Ògá?

You might want to take note of some of these statements, they could come in handy to give rouse the butterflies in your partner's belly, you might have even used some or had someone use them on you.

1. I adore you

2. You are beautiful

3. You complete me

4. You understand me

5. I am crazy about you

6. I care about you

7. Thank you for loving me

8. You are my precious gift

9. I have fallen for you

10. You make me smile

11. You are a rare gem

12. Your sincerity amazes me

13. I will never find any other person like you because you are unique

14. You are such a blessing

15. You are smart

16. You are amazing

17. I cannot do but protect you, you are my love

Guaranteed: 5 Tips For Better Relationship

18. You are my heart

19. You are the best support system I have

20. Thank you, babe

21. You mean the world to me

22. I see the way you do things and I can say that you are the best at all you do

23. I appreciate your constant care for me

24. You are amazing

25. You are one of a kind

26. I can't get enough of you

27. I miss you

28. I could never hurt you

29. Where have you been all my life?

30. I couldn't do it without you

31. You always inspire me

32. I could stay here with you forever

33. You are God's gift to me

Wait!

Before we go for the last two, I will like to ask, Can we ever say I Love You without actually saying it? Nope! But we can mean it with the words we say. So instead of just saying "I Love You", why not spice things up by adding some more life to them. So you can say

34. I love you to the moon and back

35. I love you till infinity and beyond

Revealed: 5 Major Turnoffs To Avoid In Your Relationship

An extra tip is to use these words not only when you mean them but also in romantic ways. Adding some words to these may cause your partner to fall in love with you again. Use these even if you think you are not romantic and you will be surprised at the effect a word or two will have on the "lines" we have mentioned above.

1. Hey babe, ...

2. Use his or her pet name (then insert the words)

3. My love, ...

4. Sweetie, ...

5. Baby, ...

The list is endless, just switch on your creativity and let it flow.

Apart from just saying these words to your partner, you can also send any of them as a message when your significant other least expects it during the day. Imagine the joy!

You can also write the words on a small piece of paper and put it somewhere he or she can find them. So romantic!

Refuse To Be Fooled In Your Relationship! Who Should Say Sorry First?

Try out any of these and let us know how it goes. Also, share with us in the comments section what other ways the word I Love You can be said without saying it.

Other Posts: 

4 Things I Did To Save My Relationship From Crumbling After Valentine's Day

The best way to manage exes in your relationship

Best way to communicate with your partner 

How To Know If He Or She Is The One For You

Communication in Your Relationship 

Self Love: How to Love Yourself in Your Relationship

In today’s society, it can be difficult to develop a healthy concept of self-love but you have to love yourself before anyone else can. self-love isn’t about being egotistical or arrogant, it’s about being secure in your identity.

Sometimes believers think self-anything is a sin but, when you learn to love yourself, you’re able to sustain healthy relationships. If you’re insecure, no amount of love from your partner will ever be enough.
A huge aspect of learning to love yourself properly is seeing yourself the way that God sees you.

He loves us so much that while we were in sin, Jesus came and died for us (Romans 5:8). So, no matter how we feel at times, we have to remember that we were worthy enough for Him to give His own life. This truth should empower you to value yourself.

We are significant to the Lord, He made us joint-heirs with Christ! When you fully understand this and recognize your importance, you’ll start to see yourself differently and begin to love yourself inside out.

Here are a few practical tips to help you love yourself more.
Surround yourself with healthy people and community.

When you’re determined to love yourself, it’s crucial for you to be around others who love themselves and speak life consistently. If you’re always hanging out with negative people, it’ll start to rub off of you. Spending more time with those you admire can go a long way in gaining self-confidence.
Enjoy your own company.

If you hate being alone it could be a sign that you don’t love yourself enough. Now, you don’t have to isolate yourself but solitude can rejuvenate you. This could be as simple as taking yourself to the movies or going for a long walk. Maybe you could take a class or do something you’ve wanted to do but no one had any interest. This is YOUR time — do you!

Spend time with God.

Spending time with God can look like different things for different people. Maybe for you, it’s watching a teaching on YouTube, or journaling, or maybe it’s taking a nature walk. Whatever you can do to feel more connected to God and hear His voice.

You don’t have to wait for Sunday service to get in the presence of God. Turn on some worship music, pray, and rest in Him. Tell Him what’s on your mind and how you’re trying to develop healthy self-love. There’s something about knowing that the God of heaven and earth is with you, and His love will spark your own.
Cherish what you have and who you are NOW.

This is a big one! So many times we get caught up in thinking that soon we’ll have this and one day we’ll be happy. We fantasize about the perfect life scenario and we’re so fixated on that idea that we overlook how blessed we already are. This leads to depression and makes it difficult to love ourselves.

Make the very best out of everything you have as it is right now. Be present and don’t forget to smell the roses because life is so sweet! There’s nothing wrong with desiring more but don’t downplay all that you do have. As you work toward the life you want, take on the mindset of gratitude — it’ll make the journey that much better!

Click here to subscribe to our podcast, Becoming the One, for more content on wholeness, relationships, and more!

Date on His Purse or Dutch on Us

Right! Whenever you man up and foot every popping bill, it does this wonder boosting to your ego, you feel manly and when she sits there and watch you pay each time, it does this cruel bruising to her pride.

Every lady who has a premium-quality-starter-packed for a wife material wouldn’t comfortably watch you settle the bills every time. Yes! She will want you to know that you two are in it together, she’ll itch to make you see her as the helper she’s been made and not siphon from you always.

A parochial approach to things however causes some men to view ladies who pulled out their wallet and settle bills as depriving them of feeling manly. Or worse, claiming equality with them. No she’s not.

There is this mutuality that doing things together fosters rather than you always being at the bill end all the time. If you maintain it’s your sole responsibility to settle the bill and wouldn’t even want to see her pulse anytime another one pops up, don’t be surprise you are going to make her stick to the kitchen and never expect your help in that zone too. When something benefits two people and only one person is the whole burden, the relationship becomes a sinking ship but when something benefits two people and both are all hands on deck about it, the relationship then becomes partnership. Ladies too, don’t wreck your guy because he is a man, he is a man and not an iron rod.

Dutch is simply each man for himself and God for us all. You pay for your meal and I pay for mine. While this may be cool, however it will subconsciously introduce this distance feeling into your relationship on the long run. Compared to dating couples who simply come together and get it all done as a twain.

So on your next date, how about let her the bills if she offered to and you get the movie tickets. Relationship can be a lot of fun without one party feeling like she is becoming a burden or the other thinking his place as a man is being threatened.

 -Adeyemi Comfort Oluwatoyin