Understanding Conflicts in Your Relationship

Mere bonding does not form the basis for love. It involves a lot more. This is one reason why we can conclude that healthy relationships are not conflict free but are conflict resolving. The tongue and the teeth, though occupants in the same room still conflict. The problem with conflict most times is that we fight for victories instead of fighting for solutions and in the end, one wins while the other loses. In this case, a relationship suffers. On the other hand, if we conflict for solutions and not victories, we build each other in the long run.

For the psychologist, he may prescribe a million conflict handling lifestyles. For another, there may be no better means to play out a conflict, or no best roles to take. There may also be no blames to share or guilt to pour. However, here are a few things to note about the nature of conflicts and how to end them positively.

Firstly, note that Differences and Conflicts are Inevitable- The average relationship difference brings many people together. This makes conflicts a norm in our daily lives. All relationships experience them too because they are potentially beneficial to the conflicting parties and can grow great relationships if handled properly. Conflicts should therefore be seen and approached as a normality to optimise the better possibilities they contain.

Also, there are many ways to handle conflicts to ensure that everyone wins in the end.

a. The Avoid Style- Individuals in this category ensure that they let sleeping dogs lie. They are usually afraid of confrontation, especially when the other partner is hot tempered and loud in actions. Unfortunately, they do not understand that they merely bury these feelings only for them to rise up alive along the line. Offences accumulate,unfinished businesses erupt and unaddressed issues multiply. These in turn rocks the relationship and tears it apart, usually leaving physical and emotional casualties.

b. The Approach-Assert Style- Here, the individual is basically concerned with the overall goodwill of the relationship. As such, he feels that no price is high too sustain a relationship. Usually, they are very sensitive to the feelings of others while they choose to still deal directly with burning and important issues. They avoid blaming, confront the issue and not the individual, and  may invite others (a third party, usually their joint mentor) to partner with them in solving the conflict issue.

c. The Attack Style- These are the "pepper them gang" who follow the trend of "get them before they get you" mentality in relationships. As a result, they never choose to give in and inflict terminal injury on their minds. Also, attack usually begets counterattack, so both sides dig in and none gets something tangible out in the end.

d. The Peace Maker Style: The final style is for those who will try to make sure no conflict/argument arise. They fight so that nothing scatters. However, in the case it does not work according to their plan, they are usually first to say the I am sorry words. When scriptures mention... Blessed are the peace makers.... You find them here... They are similar to the second category.

To dwell on the Peace makers, the only problem is the fact that many people have abused the use of "sorry" such that they use it and expect a quick response from the people we say it to. In cases like this, you find out that people could file multiple allegations against their partners (or other people they have offended and hurt) and they expect them to let go because they have "said sorry". Here, you understand that there is a huge difference between being sorry and saying sorry.

It is better to be sorry than to say sorry and it is okay to keep quiet if you are not sorry than to utter the word and keep up with the same actions that hurt other people. It helps you learn to value other people's feelings and not place premium on only your feelings. The world cannot thrive with only you in it and you definitely need to place value on people around you because they make life enjoyable. Placing value on people in this case includes respecting them not by kneeling or prostrating to greet them but by respecting their core values that makes them who they are.

It is wrong to align with unforgiveness and emotional manipulation in a relationship. If any partner has these thoughts at heart, it will be almost impossible to understand and resolve conflicts. As an individual, you must be able to stand for whatsoever you have done, whether good or bad. You must take responsibility and make amends in the case where you need to. Making mistakes is a constant part of our lives and partners must  learn to habdle their mistakea without blaming or manipulating each other for it. Learning from mistakes is a conscious effort to living responsibly and being at peace with all men - Romans 12:18 and Hebrews 12:14

Partners should also consciously groom their minds to move on from any form of hurt by each other without necessarily expecting them to come crying and apologise or say sorry. Doing this is safe for your mental health and well being and in the worst case scenerio of a heartbreak (as in our articles on managing a heartbreak and moving on from your ex), you can properly manage it. 

You should also learn to draw the line to avoid a bigger outburst of emotions that both parties will never recover from. No matter how close you are to anybody, there is a thin line of RESPECT that must never be crossed. In our article on who deserves respect the most in a relationship, we discussed the true definitions of respect but sadly, respect is defined by actions (especially in this side of the world) like calling people with titles, kneeling or prostrating to greet and similar actions. While these things may matter in minute ways, the way you treat people whether or not you need anything from them is what matters most. Also, true respect includes that you do not treat people based on the favour or material value you get from them today. Everyone deserves to be adequately respected. At the same time, give people space when you find them disrespecting you. In most cases, these people come to emotionally blackmail you and make you feel guilty instead of accepting that they made a mistake and are willing to correct it. 

Finally, accepting a mistake instead of blaming anyone (even the devil) requires a level of emotional maturity. "Saying sorry" does not get into the heart of the kindhearted but "being truly sorry" can break and pierce the toughhearted.

Above all, resolving conflicts in any relationship is a thing more spiritual than physical. We should be conscious of the fact that the enemy never wants joy, so he births strife among men. Psychology can only explain, and at most, link them to temperaments. But a lasting solution to arguments and conflicts lies in prayer and a constant "walk in the spirit"

All you may need to avert a terrible argument could be to send a text at the right time, or to give a better response to a question.... Just something little.

Galatians 5:14-1514: For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”15: If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

Tall, Dark and Handsome: How to Deal with Relationship Specs

It is very possible to have the tall, dark and handsome wish for a perfect partner. Your wish could be a fair, slim or fleshly endowed lady. But what happens if you do not find your spec? Would you go with anything you find or try to change your partner?

If you are "lucky" to fall in the category of what you ordered versus what you got, there are probably many reasons why you had to stick to your partner as the option for your relationship. But it is never really a bad idea. Change is a constant feature in every man's life and every individual is flexible to change. However, there are certain things that you may be unable to change. How do you live with your partner in this?

Your beliefs and opinion matters. If you can live with the differences and adapt to the absence of the physical and behavioural features in your partner, it is a very good position as there is always a point of compromise for matters like this in every relationship. However, if you cannot adapt, it is also fine to take a break off. The popular saying is that "a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage". At the same time, it is also very possible to work on a change in your partner or yourself.

The problem at this point is that many people are too focused on changing their partners rather than looking inwardly to see how they can improve. While it is necessary for your partner to be open and flexible to change, you cannot and should not force your partner to change. Understanding should come in handy so you know who should bend for the other. This is that point of compromise.

The Law of Attraction

The power of the eye is in its ability to love by sight. Also, change in most relationships occur in the physical, behavioural and emotional modes. These three modes are also responsible for the "spec" we build up in our minds as regards a partner. In many cases, building this spec in mind is a result of attraction to an individual - physically, behaviourally or emotionally. Your partner could dislike eating out and yet be a tall, dark and handsome guy (physical) who loves God and likes to spend fun time with orphanage children and hospital patients (emotional). In this case, you are attracted to him by emotions and physical attributes. In another case, she could dislike calls and prefer texts (behavioural), but she is still the dark skinned beauty you always liked. All of these form different sides, especially because attraction does not show the negative sides in the first place. Attraction only puts what you desire amd want on the table.

Just as our taste changes over time, preferences for whom should occupy space as your partner changes. At the primary school level you once had a crush on a lady or guy in class based on certain qualities... When you fast forward to junior secondary, you find some other crush... And again at the university level. Ordinarily too, a basic change in environment amongst other factors can necessitate

If change is constant, how do I manage

What then should I place as criteria to choosing my life partner? - Not Looks, Not Wealth, Not the paint but the strength of the building

As an individual, you must know that in you lies the power to change and be the best version of yourself. This is one of the best ways to love your partners; by being your best and doing your best for your partner. By doing this, you become adapt to changes where possible and reach a compromise with your partner where change seems difficult. You also control how successful your relationship is, knowing that the success or failure of your relationship is 50% in your hands. Partners should help one another adjust to certain changes. You could encourage your partner to hit the gym or drop off some habits - it's all in the change process. You two will definitely become specs for each other this way.

PS: Attached to this is an audio letter by Della (featuring Nelson). We discussed about changing habits in a relationship and conforming to your partner's spec. 

Click the button below to listen.

Listen/button

How to Deal with Matters Arising in a Relationship

A relationship is the coming together of two imperfect individuals and as such, it is impossible to live without any issues. Having this knowledge is one thing, while the ability to deal with these issues when they arise is another. 

 

Anything you know he/she does or believes that you don’t agree with, trash it out. There’s no point trying and struggling if it won’t give you peace and happiness.

Deal with it.

If she has a house and you have none, you’d prefer to rent an apartment or stay under bridge? Whether your answer is a Yes or a No, it is hinged on one the following:

1. Understand Your Social Construct

You have probably seen a lot of things happen in your environment and it has become something that has shaped your ideas about topics like this - maybe a neighbor who used to talk about you not being man enough if your wife is doing something or association with a culture where the woman is not allowed to make contributions socially or even financially.

2. Your background

You might have lived in a family where your dad did everything and your mum did less or nothing at all. You begin to form an ideology from this that you also have to “man up” and see that your wife does nothing. Hence, you be come socially pressured. You want to get everything. You want to do everything. You want to be the Odogwu (😂) and “be a man”. Whereas, she can help you. She can contribute. She can supply some while you do the others. But you have strong head.

3. Bound Your Past Experiences

You have probably had experiences with women who make the whole world know when they do something for you. But trust me, this happens with men too. There are also men who always want to exercise power and show that there’s a man in the room. You hear things like “I’m supposed to be the man of the house” when they’re not even married to you yet. It happens with both genders. If you base your judgement on this, you'd miss it. The fact that your ex was a scum doesn’t mean all wo/men are scum. You just need to have the right agreements and find out about their core values even before things start to get serious. Know their views on certain issues that are controversial. Talk about it and come to an agreement.

Whichever one has been what built your mentality, you have to restructure your mind. How?

You have become ONE flesh and she’s your help meet. If she can’t help you, why should she be there? 

 

A pastor whose father always beat his mother and while he grew with his family, he saw it as normal and had a special cane for his wife to “correct her”.

#backgroundissues

 

Read: 10 Games Every Long Distance Couple Should Play Today

3. Bring Jesus into the Situation

The best illustration to bring into your relationship is that of Jesus and the Church. If I had a house and Jesus had none, would He move into mine? YES! This is because He even chose to use my body as a temple so He could remain there forever and ever. He also gave us the power to use our abilities to do the things He didn’t finish up while he was on earth. You see? So, Jesus won’t prolly stay under bridge or rent a house because He’s... Always use Jesus Christ and the Church and you won’t miss it.

4. Do a mind Restructuring

By doing a mind restructuring, you simply need to evaluate your belief systems and look at what others also think about these things. Think about it and be open to the view of others - compare and contrast. If you think it’s a gender issue, meet other people who are of the same sex and opposite sex and ask questions (I do this a lot). Know what they think and be sure of what you want to believe.

5. Don’t be hard on Yourselves

You honestly don’t need to believe what every other person believes. Just have a mind of your own and do what’s best for you and your partner. You must understand that every relationship writes it’s own story and for no reason should you be the villain and oppressor in your story.

 

Babe and I were evaluating our relationship one time and he talked about how he loves to speak with me very often. I found that “guyyy. We will finish the talk.” and God said “Do we ever finish our talk?” 😂 Oh. So, because we don’t and never do with God, I can’t finish talk with this guy. (If you ever ask what people in relationships talk about everyday— this is it)

wise in spending and understands partnership models especially when it has to do with money. He did this with his disciples for the tax collectors.

You do the school fees, I do the basic bills. You prepare the food, I take the children to school. Partnerships.

Conclusion

If you have had to deal with a matter arising in your relationship, kindly share how you handled it

Love Poetry: A Duet of Love

This Love is True
With two drunken masters.
One me, another you.
Let me hold your hand,
Or what do you say?


Do I know what to say?
I'm so drunk in this pool,
The pool of love,
With no other choice
Than to let you hold my hands to the deepest parts

Through coast and rivers
lands and seas
Tight and Glad I hold.
Our love is a fire pot
endlessly burning.

Let it burn forever
Let the vapour smell like frankincense
Let the nation know what
Let us dance round with merry.

It will burn beyond the future
and will never die.
This love is love.

This love has called ears to hear
It has called eyes to see
Of course this is our beginning
The beginning with no end.



This poem was written by two lovers who experience love fresher and fresher each day and decided to express their love towards each other.

The FAQ Weekend

Growing in a relationship comes with many hurdles and triumphs. Each time we face the triumph, we are grateful to God and appreciate the uniqueness of our partners. However, when we have hurdles, we begin to ask many WHYs amongst other questions.

The FAQ Weekend is a periodic assignment at the Two Become One Community where deep throated questions are asked from concerned individuals in any kind of relationships (not just couple or spousal). At our community sessions, we prayerfully and with deep insights in God's word and wisdom, seek answers to these questions.

This is an anchor page for the Relationship FAQs Weekend. Periodically, we shall update this link with answers to questions asked by members of our community.

To join the Two Become One Community, kindly fill in your details here. Also, if you like to send a question or contact us for any reason, kindly do so here. You can also share this page to your family and friends.

God bless you.

The Pursuer-Distancer Relationship

 
Vulnerability in a relationship makes either parties to assume and act out roles of the ''pursuer'' and the ''distancer''. Like the cartoon, Tom and Jerry, it leads to a long race where both never agree.

Partners should always make efforts to close any gaps.

A Unhealthy Relationship

Last week was all about secrets, secrets about me and I hope it was fun and you learnt something. But this week we are going to be talking about something different.

I have discovered that there is a need to remind ourselves of what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like because most people get their hearts broken over and over again just because the view they had on what an actual relationship should look like is wrong😢💔💔. That is why in today’s blog we would be taking a ride along the healthy relationship lane.

There really are some things you should look out for when you are in a relationship, some call them relationship pointers (the green light and the red flags in relationship). Today, we would be looking at the red flags that should tell you if your relationship is a healthy one or not. 👌 

Although there are a lot of pointers to an unhealthy relationship, here area few of them. 

1. If you are in a relationship with somebody who’s getting in the way of the plans and purposes you think God is calling you to, please and please find a solution or a way out of that relationship because that is the greatest of all red flags. 

2. Any relationship that gets you out of who you are to pretend to be something or someone else is not a healthy relationship, if when you are with your partner you cannot actually be your true self, enjoy the things you love, have fun the way you like. Wow... That is a big red flag. 

3. A relationship that  makes you compromise your good morals is not the one for you...  It really is not a relationship to go in with. Through the process of dating, if you find yourself doing things that you would not normally do, or you can't be proud of, hmm🤔 it might be the right reason to check you out of that relationship. 

4.  "It takes two to tango", "It takes two good wings for a bird to fly", this is to tell you that even if the bird has two wings but one is weak, the bird can't fly. So is it for someone who finds his or herself doing all the work to make their relationship work. If you fall into this category, you find yourself calling all the time, getting all the gifts for Him or Her, saying all the prayers for both of you and your partner is not saying or doing anything on their own part, well... That might be your own pointer to either make things work or opt out of the relationship. 

5- At the start of your relationship it may seem like you and your partner are a match made in heaven…but if after a while all you get are harsh words, controlling behaviors, irrational attitudes, and emotional turmoil, I think 🤔 I  don't need anybody to tell you to run for your life, because you need to be in a relationship where you and your partner respect each others to a great level.

6- Lastly, if your family and friends are not in support of your relationship with that person, you might want to take your time and think about the reason why they aren't in support of it. Some of the times our family and friends don't even say it directly to us because they feel that they don't want to hurt us, but if you find out that they act in some kind of way when you talk about your partner or relationship, take the bold step to ask them, "why the change of attitude?"

To wrap it up, are you in a relationship that is taking peace? Taking joy? Taking time? Taking fun? Taking something you can never get back from you? You might need a time out because that relationship is in no way a healthy one for you and you might end up suffering from a very long heartache. 😢💔

Hold Up Review.

Today I will be reviewing a book titled Hold Up written by Nelson and Adeola. This book was published on their third year of courting (so sweet!). Before I start, I would like to state that this book does not deserve a 10 over 10 if I am to score it. Not at all.

The book- Hold up, was written by this couple for people in long distance relationship and it contains compilations of engaging activities that spice up any long-distance relationship. These activities are based on their own personal experience, it is so nice that they decided to share with other couples through this book ways to keep fueling their relationship even when they are miles apart.

A good number of activities were listed and well explained in this book- about 20 of them. They also shared 35 date ideas for partners and considering that they are a couple that help other people have a great relationship not only with their partner but with God- a Godly relationship, they also said a prayer at the end of the book.

From the point of view of a relationship coach, is this book goo? Is it a book that can be recommended to clients? YES! Definitely.

All the activities in the book can be performed by couples in long distance relationship and short distance relationship. All activities are very possible as long as you are open to adventure and trying out new things. All the activities were well stated and trust me, if you want to light up the flame in your relationship, don’t let this book slide past you.

Albeit, all the activities are nice and worth giving a try, I have a few that really stand out for me.

• Plan Your Future: as a relationship coach, I have noticed that not every couples does this. This particular activity is often overlooked and pushed into the when-the-time-comes-we-will-know-what-to-do lane. Planning your future with your partner should not be overlooked because it, will help you to know your partner even in a long-distance relationship. I love the way this activity was explained.

• Read a book together: if you haven’t been doing this in your relationship, it is never too late. Get a copy of Hold up and start with it.

• Have fun with one another: how on earth is that possible in a long-distance relationship? It is very possible and this book has simplified it in such a way that is not only easy but, in a way, that fun is all what your relationship will, be even when you are far apart from your partner.

• Prank your partner: this is my second-best activity in this book. Pranking can be really fun but risky if you don’t know what to do. If you will like to prank your partner, you will have to do it wisely.

• Pray and study with voice or video calls: considering that the couple are interested in helping you build a relationship with God and your partner, they made it so easy to try out this great activity.

To make use of any of these activities, you have to be open minded to change and try new things. The book is such a great read, it is worth every time you invest in it. All this relationship changing goodness in one book and it deserves a 10 over 10? No, it deserves more. Like 20 over 10 (if that is possible). To get the book (for free) click on this link 

twobecomeone.disha.page/

How to Manage Finances in Your Relationship

It is pure truth that money cannot buy true love, but then, money sure can tear love apart. The issue of finances and how to manage it is one of the frequently asked questions by couples. The reason why finance causes a lot of problems in relationship is due to different reasons but all of them boils down to one big one. Things like difference in values, goals, habits about money will surely cause a little bit of problem when it comes to managing the finances in your relationship, but what would make it all worse is the lack of proper communication about money issues. While some couples are able to navigate their way through the hard times and issues that finance management has caused them, some lose years of happy moments and anticipated joy to this same cause.

 

Before I start, I would love to say that if you are in a new relationship and you are sure that life might happen at any time, I mean you are not yet sure that the relationship will lead to marriage- kindly do not think of putting your money together with that person. Be sure that whoever you are sure you want to be together with for the rest of your life is the person you think about finances in a relationship with. Although, even some engaged couples’ breakup their relationship if life happens between them, but research as shown that only about 20 percent of all engagements are called off before the wedding. So, if you really want to be wise and safe, don’t save anything with your partner until you are sure that there is a clear road ahead of you both. In cases where you have projects to carry out together, make sure the terms are clearly stated (of course in a nice way) to avoid any form of mix up or problem. With that said, we can now start.

No matter how uncomfortable it might be for couples to discuss money issues they must still talk about it and while doing that they must put in mind the value of honesty. Couples must be truthful to their partners about their financial status, this includes telling them about their income, how they spend, and down to their debt. It is said that honesty is the best policy, and this is essential for couples who want to truly manage their finances. Couples should also know that there are three (3) major ways couples can choose to manage their finances. They can agree on having;

1. a separate account

2. a joint account or

3. a combination of both separate and joint accounts.

● Separate Account: when couples choose to run on separate, they are provided with more freedom to manage their money/ income individually. In cases where they have joint expenses, some couples split expense directly into half while some do that according to their income. This may also include that each individual in the relationship is responsible for not only their spending habits, but also for paying of all the debt they had to pay before getting into the relationship. This type of finance management type is not the best for married couples. It runs a no interference policy.

● Joint Account: couples that choose to run their finances using the joint account, after communication the couples decide to put all of their funds together. All their income, salary and all goes into one account where they channel all their expenses to. Here both individuals have a say over the money they have. No one is the sole custodian of the money they have and this helps to make it easier to track budgeting and spending. However, this type of finance management might cause your partners spending habits and can tear the relationship apart in cases where one partner earns more than the other. Surprises might also be hard to keep a secret while running a joint account.

● Combining Separate and Joint Accounts

Couples that choose to use both separate and joint accounts seem to have the safest financial relationship. It also poses to be the best way to run finances in a relationship because each individual in the relationship split their income into some certain percentage and put it in different accounts. For example, a married couple that has to pay for electricity bills, their children’s school fees, tax, and at same time save for their vacation will either choose to have two different accounts one where they keep a certain percentage of their income to take care of all the expenses like school fees, electricity bills, tax and vacation and another where they keep the remaining percentage of their income and this other account can be called their personal account, savings account or fun account. Some couples chose to split the account based on the different project they are used for, that is, a separate account for school fees and another for vacations and other accounts for different projects and then their personal account. An account can be used to handle two or more needs or projects which may be related, this makes it easier to manage accounts and decide what percentage of your income goes into each one. In using this type of finance management, both partners will have to decide what percentage of their income that will be put in the different project account which they both are responsible for and have joint authority over and what percentage goes into their personal account which each person has a sole authority on.

No matter how couples want to go about money in their relationship, there are some things they should make sure to do:

 

● Couples should take their time to talk about their values and goals and how they feel about money/ finances.

● Take out time to plan and create a system that can help them achieve their financial goals.

● Take out time at frequent intervals to talk about their finances, problems faced and how to make their finances grow better.

● Stay positive and be totally honest with your partner.

Build Trust

This is an underrated conversation. When you borrow money from your partner, always ensure that you pay back in due time. As much as you are romantic partners, there is a need to have integrity as a person in the eyes of your lover. Don't involve feelings. Pay them back in due time. If you buy things from them, pay them too. It builds trust. This is in exception to cases when life happens after they have loaned you money. If this happens, please, always communicate.

Relationship Lessons from Elkanah and Hannah

In every godly relationship, one tough issue for both partners to agree on or make a compromise on is the question: "What if I can't have children?"

Children are regarded as a blessing of marriage and a significance that such marriage has blossomed and that both the wife and husband has performed their duty right. In countries like Nigeria, having children is a big deal to most people and parents often look forward to getting to meet and nurture their grandchildren before the call from the Creator. Some families have issues and are going through a hard time these days with the issue of not having children. Pressures from in-laws, the society and even from within leaves a woman broken at heart, emotionally disturbed, and could affect some women's performance in their day to day activities. Lack  of children causes issues  sometimes between the couples and fights, disagreements,  shouts and pleas for patience is often heard in such  homes. Blame games are always on and the truth never comes out till tests are taken (and it's discovered that it's the man that can't actually have children).

Marriage vows are deeper than what we just see on the surface, some people take these vows with no intention to keep them. When you promise that special someone to always be with such person for better for worse, in sickness and in health, in riches and in lack, the gravity of those words come to play when real life situations occur. Thus, this vows should be taken with the conciousness that those times where things ain't rousy will come. Might not be a delay in child birth, it could be anyother thing. The question is, would you still see that special someone as "special" when life throws big issues at you? Therefore, don't go into marriage because you are being forced or because everyone around you is getting married. Vows are made to be thought about deeply and to be kept sacredly.

Today, we are looking into the lives of a couple who was faced with one of life's challenges as regards to marriage. Although, Elkanah had a polygamous home, he had a wife (Pelinah) who gave birth to children for him, but Hannah His beloved didn't have children. And just like typical rivals, Pelinah was a thorn in Hannah's delicate flesh, delibrately stepping on her toes where it hurt most up to the point the Hannah broke down and couldn't eat (and i can imagine one of Pelinahs children innocently asking Hannah if she wasn't interested in her meal so he or she could devour it). Elkanah loved Hannah so much and although he couldn't give Hannah as much as he gave Pelinah (cos she needed it more), he wanted Hannah to be happy, he even asked her if he wasn't more valuable than ten sons. Although, Elkanah loved Hannah so much, it didn't dispute the fact that the voices of young babes would fill the void Hannah felt deep within her.

Elkanah could have as well added to Hannah's sorrows by concentrating on Pelinah the mother of his children but he didn't.

The truth is marriage is never a bed of roses and having a great marriage takes a whole lot of hard work which starts from courtship. Conflicts would arise but it depends on if we are ready to stay put with the person we claim to love so much or if we decide to run at the slightest show of conflict. Love isn't enough but it goes a long way in making things work especially if it is true, unconditional and without boundaries. We can't always run from conflicts and challenges therefore whatever we are going through, (relationship wise, academics, finances, looking for jobs, admission issues, whatever) lets ask for strength from God to scale through the challenge and let's ask that God opens our eyes to lessons we are to learn. God wouldn't have promised us His strength when we are weak if He wasn't ready to help us and He wouldn't have promised us His Spirit if He wanted us to walk through life alone.

Lastly, let's remember that delay doesn't necessarily mean denial. Hannah was delayed only to give birth to a prophet who was known and is still known throughout the history of Israel. He was used by God greatly and I'm sure his parents were proud of him.

Think about it: of all Pelinahs children, who among them did half the things Samuel did? Did any of their names come up in the bible at all?

Book Review: 40 Great Lessons Marriage has taught Me by Pastor Jane Arowolo

The book, 40 Great Lessons Marriage has taught me" by Pastor Jane Arowolo is a resourceful book that helps you to discover the unrealistic expectations which couples bring into marriage, the challenges of young marriages, how to overcome differences, having a smooth relationship with in-laws, how to keep the fire of love burning and many other secrets to marital bliss.

The 78 paged book opens with an introduction with three questions that define the experience of couples in marriage. According to Mama Jane Arowolo, everyone should define marriage based on:

• Why you are getting married
• How you look at marriage
• What you expect from marriage

These questions determine your experience in marriage.

All 40 lessons are arranged into ten chapters, with each chapter treating four lessons. The first chapter talks about sex for newly weds, sex during Pregnancy and the real definition of romance.

No great marriage exists without great sex.  Also sex can be made out of duty and can be made as a result of love. We also learn that if you expect love in your relationship, you have to always give love.

Like sex, money is important for fruitful romance. It is a fantasy to go into marriage without expecting some changes.

That nothing will change when you get married is a lie. That everything will change when you get married is a bigger lie. Learn to change what you can change and accept what you cannot.

Five love languages are important. Know what works for you and your partner.

In-laws are family. You must treat them as such.  If you expect perfection from people, you will get frustrated. Don't go to marriage with a pepper lifestyle or plans to deal with any in-law. Character is ultimate when dealing with in-laws

A man's ego is as fragile as a woman's heart.

A woman is not wired to carry the financial burden of a family. She is a helper and not a sponsor.  If a woman carries financial burden, that becomes a quick way to lose your honour as a man.

Patience will change many things.

Your partner is a work in progress. Don't go into marriage with unrealistic expectations.

Somebody lacks what you have. Stop comparing your relationship or marriage with another's. -2nd Corinthians 10:12

The two golden rules are in Ephesians 5:22-23 and verse 25 respectively. When a marriage fails it is a sign that the rules have been disobeyed.

Reciprocate respect

Family is Royalty. There is a king, a queen,  princes and princesses. Learn humility in royalty.

There is also honour in royalty

Love is hard work. You need almost no effort to  fall in love but you need so much effort to stay  in love.

You must fall in love again and again with each other. You must also evaluate your relationship.

When children start growing, know that they are watching your steps and will likely walk in it.

You must determine to give the best impression and help them become better spouses in future.

A woman is fragile

Communication is the best way to handle conflicts. Don't stop talking.

Be a woman and don't feel cheated. You don't need to compete with your husband  or argue submission. You don't need to bring the law of rights and equality to marriage, thus changing the creator's narrative and manual. When your head is too big as a woman, your crown will not size you.

Also, get a mentor. Proverbs 20:18 talks about good and godly counsel for relationships and marriages

Be a woman and don't feel cheated. You don't need to compete with your husband  or argue submission. You don't need to bring the law of rights and equality to marriage, thus changing the creator's narrative and manual. When your head is too big as a woman, your crown will not size you.

Also, get a mentor. Proverbs 20:18 talks about good and godly counsel for relationships and marriages

Instructions are never convenient but they are always profitable.

Variety is the spice of life as William Cowper's poem,  "The Task (1785)" puts it. Introduce new and exciting practices in your relationship. Get rid of routine and explore

With godly wisdom, bring new wine to the table of your relationship.

A woman is an administrator

There are three seasons in the life of a man. Morning, noon and evening. Treat the wife of your youth with care and love so that you last till evening and enjoy the benefits of building a godly home.

The fear of God in you guides your actions towards your spouse/partner. Unresolved conflicts will not make you enjoy God's presence in your relationship/marriage. God's presence detests strife and contention.

In marriage, God answers every cry for help. Learn the art of prayer. War with prayer! 

The best time to pray is when all is going smooth. A farmer who starts planting while others are harvesting will stay hungry. He will have to wait until those seeds germinate before he can eat.

There is no marriage in heaven. Your marriage can work out fine. Do not look at the failing marriages around you. Just do your part and let God bless your marriage.

 

The second chapter talks about Romance and finance, Romance and child nursing,  the principle of opposite sides attracting and the love language of spouses. On the other hand, chapter three goes on to talk about dealing with in-law and how life is a farm that obeys the law of sowing and reaping. She also writes about refusing to fight for yourself.

In chapter 4, mama Jane talks about feeding the man's ego and knowing how far to go as regards certain issues.  She also discuses the subject of domestic violence and the best way to teach. Chapter 5 goes on to tell is how a wife is a helper and a sponsor. Here, mama Jane Arowolo says that a woman should not fully take on the financial responsibility of the home. She also talks about how patience is a virtue and that your spouse is a work in progress. She ends this chapter saying that somebody lacks someth]ng you have.

In chapter 6, mama Jane talks about the greatest assignment in marriage. She then proceeds to talk about the two golden rules in the book of Ephesians. After this, she opens our eyes to 5how respect is reciprocal and that wisdom and knowledge are really needed in every marriage.

Chapter seven opens with the concept of royalty. It discusses how the man is a king in the palace and the woman is a queen in the palace. It also talks about how love is hard work and ends with the fact that your children (when they start coming) are always watching you.

In chapter 8 we learn that women are fragile and that men should learn to deal with it. We also. See a different side to handling conflicts and the need for a worthy mentor in your relationship or marriage. It finally discusses how rk be a woman without feeling cheated (shunning the extremist views of feminism)

Chapter 9 talks about variety being the spice of life and the need to avoid a boring relationship at all cost. To do this, you simply need to think. Out of the box and bring up. Exiting things, build. Memories and engage activities to make your relationship or. Marriage beautiful. This chapter then talks about the old. And new. Wine and the need for constant new, fresh Wine in your relationship or marriage. She then proceeds to talk about women being the best administrator in a marriage or relationship and how that there are three seasons in the life of a man (with specific emphasis on the evening of a man's life).

She concluded with chapter ten talking about the need for the fear of God and the presence of God in every relationship or marriage. She also talks about prayer, the greatest weapon in marriage and how that as believers, you. Must live your fullest in your marital life because there is no marriage in heaven...

 

This book is a true testament to the fact that God is still very interested in building perfect relationships and families. The author,  Pastor Jane Arowolo (popularly called mama Jane) has a mandate to teach what it takes to succeed in marriage.  She is a graduate of Public Administration from Ambrose Alli University  and has been into active ministry for over 18 years. She is a co-pastor at Glorious Dynamos Life Ministry and the Vice President of Success and Life Network.  She anchors "Direction for Singles and Married", "Ladies and Gents Conference", "Just4Ladies", "When Mother's Pray" and "Daughter's of Zion". She is happily married to her best friend, Apostle Wale John Arielle and their union is blessed with three covenant men.

 

When Spirituality Bows to Emotions

After Nelson and I started our relationship, it was a mix of "No sex until marriage" and "we really want to have fun growing with God". The truth is, it really isn't easy. Sometimes you want to just hold and "do the do" but then, the love of God constrains.

It's really not about how spiritual you are because ''body no be fire wood'' but of course how much of self control one can have. That's why the question is - Is it really possible to be in a relationship and not let your emotions take over you? Is it possible to abstain from sex until marriage? Is it possible to do away with the sexual urges when they come? 😭 When you're around boo or bae and your body is doing 'gish gish' and you just want to cuddle, what do you do? 😔

Pictures from Broken Pieces 2019

I'll Like To Break Down The Topic For Easy Understanding- "When Spirituality Bows To Emotions"

This is simply a situation where Christians, spiritual people, tongue speaking and dead raising people fall Into sexual sin either as singles or when in a relationship.

I'll Be Splitting this into parts.

- What Are Sexual Sins

- Consequences

- How To Overcome Sexual Sins

- Prayer For Healing From Sexual Sin

So, Let's move ✈

First, Sexual sins are Sexual sins. Sex is a Gift from God, beautifully wrapped and meant only to be opened in marriage. So, When You ''thief the meat from the pot, and open that Gift, You've Committed Sexual Immorality. Examples are cases of masturbation, fornication, lust, pornography, incest and all other forms of sex.

I'll also like to establish the Spiritual Vs Emotions. We Need To know who a Spiritual man is and who An Emotional Man Is.

Spiritual And Emotional are two Types Of mental behavioral changes In man that shows some differences Between Them. Emotions Are Nothing But Feelings Related To *Worldly Life*. On The Other Hand, Spiritual Are Feelings Related To *Unearthly Or Unworldly Life.*

There Can Only Be *Earthly Happiness* In Emotional Feelings. On The Other Hand, There Can Be An *Unbound Happiness* In The Case Of Spiritual Feelings. This Is An Important Difference Between The Two Mental Conditions.

Being Spiritual Is All About Being *Godly In Thinking And Acting. On the other hand, being emotional Is All About Being *Humanly in thinking and Acting*.

Spirituality is *highest state of mind*, Whereas Emotional Is The *Normal State Of Mind*. Anybody Can Be Emotional At A Given Point Of Time. On The Other Hand, *Only People With Pure Mind And Thought Alone Can Be Spiritual.*

Emotional Is Related To The *Physical Body*. On The Other Hand, Spiritual Is Related To The *Divine Nature Of The Soul Within The Body*. The Word ‘spiritual’ Is Derived From The Word ‘spirit’ That Resides In Every Individual.

Spiritual Leads To The *Equanimity Of Individuals And The Tranquility Of The Mind*. On The Other Hand, Emotional Feeling Leads To The *Agitation Of The Mind And The Disturbance Caused In Mental Balance*. Since Emotional Is All About Being Worldly It Affects The Other Individuals As Well. On The Other Hand, Since Spirituality Is Unworldly In Nature It Is Experienced By The Individual Without Affecting The Others.

Spirituality Leads To Religion. On The Other Hand, Emotional Feelings Lead To Friendship And Enmity. Spiritual Is Nothing But The Feeling Of The Existence Of God Within Us. On The Other Hand, Emotional Behavior Results In Actions Such As Crying, Shouting And Lamenting. A Spiritual man can be emotional Too But A Solely Emotional Man Is not automatically Spiritual Unless He deliberately decides to be.*

Now, Why Do Spiritual Men Fall?

God Commands and demands that there shouldn't even be a hint of sexual immorality among us as His saved people (Ephesians 5:3). This Feels Completely impossible most Of The Time. If there is one area Of Life Where It Feels like Satan Is winning the battle, it is in the area of sex. At the same time, if there is one area where our Bodies Are Screaming Out For us to Disobey God, Its in the area of sex.

Sexual sin is one sin That Most Christians are guilty of. You might not have physically had Sex before, but your Mind Has Done More Than What Married People Do.

Remember scriptures mentioned that If You Look At A Woman Lustfully, You've Had Sex With Her l, making you No Different From Fornicators..

Let me establish that a lot Of People Feel Pornography And Masturbation Is An Escape From Sex, Thus It's Not A Sin. Dear people of God, they are Also Sexual Sins because They Don't Only Cage You But Make you Long For The Real Deal...

PORNOGRAPHY

(Use This Analysis Also For Other Sexual Sins and Lies)

Porn Is Harmless."

I don't think there will ever be a lie as misleading than this. While Watching pornography may seem as an insignificant problem in the Beginning, It adds up In The Long Run Until It Gains The Power To Ruin Areas Of Our Lives That We Might Not Think It Has Effect Over.

1 Corinthians 6:13 Says, "'Food Is Meant For The Stomach And The Stomach For Food'—And God Will Destroy Both One And The Other. The Body Is Not Meant For Sexual Immorality, But For The Lord, And The Lord For The Body." God Intends To Destroy Sexual Immorality Before It Destroys Us.

When Jesus Took Our Sins To The Cross, He Nailed Pornography And Sexual Impurity Along With All Other Iniquities So That We May Experience Freedom Once And For All. In Christ There Is Freedom, But People Who Get Too Deep Into Pornography Will See It Destroy Certain Areas Of Their Lives. Here Are Seven Areas In A Person's Life That Porn Destroys.

1. Spirituality

This Has To Be The Most Obvious. It's Hard To Grow In Our Relationship With God When We Are In Bondage To Sin. While God Desires For Us Freedom To Pursue Him, Sin Draws Us Away From God's Presence And Makes It Difficult To Grow Spiritually.

2. Parenting

When Children Are Deeply Exposed To Porn, It Becomes Difficult For Parents To Guide Them In The Ways They Should Go. Studies Show That 67 Percent Of Young Men And 49 Percent Of Young Women Regard Viewing Porn Is An Acceptable Way To Express One's Sexuality. Also, Parents Who Expose Themselves To Porn Have Often Admitted To Feeling Desensitised In The Areas Of Marriage And Family.

3. Marriage

No Matter How Many Times You Flip It, Pornography Is Adultery And Infidelity. While There May Be No Physical Contact, There Is An Unfaithfulness In The Mind And Heart. Covenant Eyes Shares That 56 Percent Of Divorce Cases Involved One Party Having An Obsessive Interest In Pornographic Websites.

4. Work And Productivity

The Family Research Council Says, "When Viewing Pornography Becomes An Addiction, 40 Percent Of Sex Addicts Lose Their Spouses, 58 Percent Suffer Considerable Financial Losses, And About A Third Lose Their Jobs."

Pornography Can Become A Challenge To Productivity And Therefore To Work, Especially When We Expose Ourselves To Porn During Work Hours.

5. Finances.

With A Drop Of Productivity At Work, There Can Often Be A Drop Of Profitability. Porn Is An Expensive Industry That Can Rack Up Unnecessary Expenses That Can Be Used Elsewhere. It Doesn't Only Eat Up Monetary Resources, But Also More Important Resources Such As Time And Attention.

6. Sense Of Social Justice.

The Porn Industry And Human Trafficking Problems Are Tied Up In So Many Areas. Many Porn Videos Online Involve Women Taken For Granted Out Of Their Own Free Will, Some Of Them Being Underage. It May Not Seem Like It, But Being Attached To Porn Is Feeding The Problem Of Social Injustice Today.

7. Ministry

We Have Seen Stories Of Pastors, Church Leaders And Spiritual Mentors Having To Step Down From Their Posts Because Of Problems That Boil Down To Sexual Immorality. Porn Does Not Just Hurt The Individual But Even People Around Them. Many Ministries Have Suffered As A Result Of Pornography Taking Charge Of The Hearts And Minds Of Men And Women In Church Work.

*The Things You Do Now Have Ripple Effects On Your Future.*

*Sexual Immorality If Not Stopped At A Tender Age can Lead To Many Issues In Marriage And Purpose.*

A Lot Of Christians Fall Into Sexual Sin When They Become Unguarded. No Matter How Spiritual You Are, You Cannot Be Independent Of God's Help.

Many Christians Feel They Can Do Some Things With Their Strength Alone And Thus, Fail. So, Do Not Depend On Your Strength. You need God at All Times.

*Consequences Of Sexual Sin*

Usually We Think That We Can Handle Sin Or We Can Get Away With It When No One Is Looking. But The Price Of Sin Is High.

First, The Price For My Sin Required Nothing Less Than The Death Of The Innocent Son of God, Jesus, The Christ, The Holy One, Who Died An Ugly, Humiliating, Horribly Painful Death On The Cross To Satisfy His Father’s Wrath For My Sin. My Sin Is very costly.

These Are Only Some Of The Consequences Of Sexual Sin. If Only We Would Rehearse In Advance The Ugly And Overwhelming Consequences Of Immorality, We Would Be Far More Prone To Avoid It. May We Live Each Day In The Love And Fear Of God.

❤ Grieving My Lord; Displeasing The One Whose Opinion Most Matters.

❤Dragging Into The Mud Christ’s Sacred Reputation.

❤Loss Of Reward And Commendation From God.

❤Having To One Day Look Jesus In The Face At The Judgment Seat And Give An Account Of Why I Did It.

❤Following In The Footsteps Of Men I Know Of Whose Immorality Forfeited Their Ministry And Caing.

❤Suffering Of Innocent People Around Me Who Would Get Hit By My Mistakes.

❤Untold Hurt To My Parents, Loved Ones And People That Look Up To Me.

❤Loss Of Credibility And Respect.

❤Shame to my Family And Shame To My Church Family.

❤Shame and hurt To My Fellow Christians, to my Friends, And Especially Those I’ve Led To Christ And Discipled.

❤Guilt Awfully Hard To Shake-Even Though God Would Forgive Me, Would I Forgive Myself?

❤Plaguing Memories And Flashbacks That Could Taint Future Intimacy With My Future Spouse.

❤Being Haunted By My Sin As I Look In The Eyes Of Others, And Having It All Dredged Up Again Wherever I Go And Whatever I Do.

❤Undermining The Hard Work And Prayers Of Others By Saying To Our Community “this Is A Hypocrite!

❤Laughter, Rejoicing And Blasphemous Smugness By Those Who Disrespect God And The Church (2 Samuel 12:14).

❤Bringing Great Pleasure To Satan, The Enemy Of God.

❤Possible Diseases: Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Chlamydia, Herpes, And Aids .

❤Loss Of Self-Respect, Discrediting My Own Name, And Invoking Shame And Lifelong Embarrassment Upon Myself.

*These Are Some Consequences Of Sexual Sin, Do We Now See That It Doesn't Worth It*

The Battle Begins In The Mind. You Need To Know What God Says About Sex And Trust What God Says About Sex. You Need To Be Careful What You Fill Your Minds With. Imagination Is Often The Hotbed Where Sin Is Often Hatched.

🔥Pray Daily. Depend On God, On The Power Of His Holy Spirit To Strengthen You In This Battle.

🔥Don't Put Yourself In Situations Where You Will Be Easily Tempted.

🔥Remember God Is Watching. You Are Never Completely Out Of Sight. Someone Can Always See You.

🔥Wield The Axe. Jesus Says In Matthew 5 That If Your Eye Or Hand Causes You To Sin, Gouge Them Out And Throw Them Away, Because Eternal Life Is At Stake. So If The Internet, Magazines, Tv, Or Peer Group Are Causing You To Sin; Wield The Axe. Especially Watch Out For Social Media. Unfollow People Who Are Posting Explicit Photos.

🔥Talk About Sex. (Accountability). You Can't Fight This Alone. You Need God's Help And You Need God's People's Help Too. Find Someone You Trust & Share Your Struggle.

🔥Be Careful What You Wear. Modesty Is Good For You And Good For Others Too.

🔥Remember The Cross. Jesus Died For Our Sins, Including Our Sexual Sins.

🔥Remember Jesus Is Coming Back. We All Will Have To Give An Account For Our Lives, Even Our Sex Life.

🔥Struggling Is A Good Sign. Keep Fighting And Don't Give In.

🔥Forgiveness Is Available. If You Sin Sexually You Can Still Be Forgiven, Such Is The Power Of The Cross Of Christ. So Repent, Turn Back To God And Live For Him.

While In A Relationship, As Christians, Its Important To Be With Someone Who Loves And Respect God.

Have Boundaries And Both Of You Must Respect Them.

See ehn, We're Human And As Such, When In Love, A Lot Of Things Will Come To Your Mind.

Being Tempted Is Not The Sin, Yielding To Temptation Is The Sin.

I Like Being Practical, Let Me Share My Own Personal Story.

When My Relationship Started, Because I Know How Very Emotional I Can Be. I Told My Fiancé That Should In Case I Get  Mad Or One Spirit Enters Me Or I Just Become Unstable And I Want To Lure Him To Have Sex With Me, I Said To Him That He Should Give Me A Nice Punch To Reset My Brain Or Send Me Out Or Pour Water On My Head Or He Should Run Away Sef And He Said Something Similar Too...

See, You Both Have To Be Accountable For And To Each Other. You Must Be On The Same Page And Help Each Other Remain Sexually Pure Until Marriage.

The Temptation Will Come, The Gish Gish Feeling Will Come But With The Right Mind And Help From God, You'll Overcome.

[5/23, 9:16 PM] Sinmi ECU: Don't Be Idle Lest The Devil Employs You.

When The Thought Comes, Distract Yourself With The Things Of God Or Something Godly And Sensible.

When It's Worse.. Burst Into Tongues.

Don't Now Go And Visit Boo Or Bae When You Have Sexual Urges oooo..

The Result Will Be Triplets.

I've Said My Own.😀

Now, Before Prayers. I Want To Say Something That Is In The Heart Of Many.

Sexual Addiction From Sexual Abuse.

A Lot Of People Have Been Sexually Abused And Thus They Become So Addicted To Sex And Can'T Break Free. Yes It Wasn'T Your Fault But You Can'T Hold On To That Excuse Forever.

There Is Forgiveness And Help At The Cross. Forgive The Offender, Forgive Yourself And Turn To God For Forgiveness. Seek Right Counsel And Break Free From That Cage.

Sex Is One 'Spirit' That Can Make A Great Leader Fall And Fail.

Sex Is Not Just Physical Pleasure. Sex Is Actually More Spiritual Than Just 5 Minutes Of Ups And Downs And This Is Why I'm A Great Advocate Of Sexual Purity And I Always Tell People That Premarital Sex Is Not Just A Sin Against God But A Trap To Your Life And Destiny.

The Time Is Too Short To Dig Deep Into The Spiritual Aspect Of Sex But I Tell You That Even If You Protect Yourself From Sexual Transmitted Diseases, There Are Spiritual Transmitted Diseases That Are Transferred Through Sex Which Is Why You Must Be Careful Of Who You Marry And Who You Have Sex With.

There Is The Exchange On Mantles And Rights During Sex, If You're Unmarried And You Engage In Pre-marital Sex, The Ones You Lay With Can Speak Words To Your Life Negatively And Having Had Sex With Them, They Have Some Sort Of Right Over Your Life. Just Imagine If You Have 10 Girls Or Guys That Can Control Your Life Just Because Of 5 Minutes Of Pleasure. Typing Won't Really Explain This Well. I Really Hope We Understand),

Avoid All Possible Temptation.

Say, “no!” To Every Lustful Thought.

Turn Your Eyes Towards Christ. Hold onto a promise From God. Enjoy Jesus more than Sinful Pleasure.

Move Away From Idleness And Find Something To Do.

*PRAYERS FOR SEXUAL HEALING*

Healing For Your Sexuality Is Available; This Is A Very Hopeful Truth! But You Must Realize That Your Sexuality Is Deep And Core To Your Nature As A Human Being. Therefore, Sexual Brokenness Can Be One Of The Deepest Types Of Brokenness A Person Might Experience. You Must Take Your Healing And Restoration Seriously. This Guided Prayer Will Help Immensely. You May Find The Need To Pray Through It A Few Times In Order To Experience A Lasting Freedom.

A Bit Of Explanation On The Reasons For The Prayer: First, When We Misuse Our Sexuality Through Sin, We Give Satan An Open Door To Oppress Us In Our Sexuality. A Man Who Uses Pornography Will Find Himself In A Very Deep Struggle With Lust; A Woman Who Was Sexually Promiscuous Before Marriage May Find Herself Wresting With Sexual Temptation Years Afterward. So It Is Important To Bring Our Sexuality Under The Lordship (And Therefore Protection) Of The Lord Jesus Christ And Seek His Cleansing Of Our Sexual Sins.

2. PRAYER FOR SEXUAL BROKENNESS—Whether Through Abuse Of Our Sexuality By Our Own Actions Or By The Actions Of Others—Can Create Sexual Difficulties And Also Opens The Door For The Enemy To Oppress Us. Quite Often Forgiveness Is Needed—Both The Confidence That We Are Forgiven By The Lord And The Choice We Make To Forgive Others. This Will Prove Immensely Freeing.

Let Us Begin By Bringing Our Lives And Sexuality Under The Lordship Of Jesus Christ:

Lord Jesus Christ, I Confess Here And Now That You Are My Creator (John 1:3) And Therefore The Creator Of My Sexuality. I Confess That You Are Also My Savior, That You Have Ransomed Me With Your Blood (1 Corinthians 15:3, Matthew 20:28). I Have Been Bought With The Blood Of Jesus Christ; My Life And My Body Belong To God (1 Corinthians 6:19–20). Jesus, I Present Myself To You Now To Be Made Whole And Holy In Every Way, Including In My Sexuality. You Ask Us To Present Our Bodies To You As Living Sacrifices (Romans 12:1) And The Parts Of Our Bodies As Instruments Of Righteousness (Romans 6:13). I Do This Now. I Present My Body, My Sexuality [“as A Man” Or “as A Woman”] And I Present My Sexual Nature To You. I Consecrate My Sexuality To Jesus Christ...

3. PRAYERS

Next, You Need To Renounce The Ways You Have Misused Your Sexuality. The More Specific You Can Be, The More Helpful This Will Be. God Created Your Sexuality For Pleasure And Joy Within The Context Of The Marriage Covenant. Sexual Activity Outside Of Marriage Can Be Very Damaging To A Person And To Their Relationships (1 Corinthians 6:18–20).

What You Want To Do In This Part Of The Prayer Is Confess And Renounce All Sexual Sin—For Example, Sexual Intimacy Before Marriage: Not Only Intercourse, But Other Forms Of Sexual Intimacy Such As Mutual Masturbation Or Oral Sex. Many People Assume These “don’t Really Count As Sin” Because They Didn’t Result In Actual Intercourse; However, There Was Sexual Stimulation And Intimacy. Keep In Mind There Is The “spirit Of The Law” And The “letter Of The Law.” What Matters Are Issues Of Heart And Mind As Well As Body. Other Examples Of Sins To Renounce Would Be The Use Of Pornography, And Sexual Fantasies. You May Know Exactly What You Need To Confess And Renounce; You May Need To Ask God’s Help To Remember. Take Your Time Here. As Memories And Events Come To Mind, Confess And Renounce Them. For Example: “lord Jesus I Ask Your Forgiveness For My Sins Of Masturbation And Using Pornography. I Renounce Those Sins In Your Name.” After You Have Confessed Your Sins, Go On With The Rest Of The Prayer...

4. PRAYERS

Jesus, I Ask Your Holy Spirit To Help Me Now Remember, Confess, And Renounce My Sexual Sins. [Pause. Listen. Remember. Confess And Renounce.] Lord Jesus, I Ask Your Forgiveness For Every Act Of Sexual Sin. You Promised That If We Confess Our Sins, You Are Faithful And Just To Forgive Us Our Sins And Cleanse Us From All Unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). I Ask You To Cleanse Me Of My Sexual Sins Now; Cleanse My Body, Soul, And Spirit, Cleanse My Heart And Mind And Will, Cleanse My Sexuality. Thank You For Forgiving Me And Cleansing Me. I Receive Your Forgiveness And Cleansing. I Renounce Every Claim I Have Given Satan To My Life Or Sexuality Through My Sexual Sins. Those Claims Are Now Broken By The Cross And Blood Of Jesus Christ (Colossians 2:13–15).

Next Comes Forgiveness. It Is Vital That You Forgive Both Yourself And Those Who Have Harmed You Sexually. Listen Carefully: Forgiveness Is A Choice; We Often Have To Make The Decision To Forgive Long Before We Feel Forgiving. We Realize This Can Be Difficult, But The Freedom You Will Find Will Be Worth It!

Forgiveness Is Not Saying, “it Didn’t Hurt Me.” Forgiveness Is Not Saying, “it Didn’t Matter.” Forgiveness Is The Act Whereby We Pardon The Person, We Release Them From All Bitterness And Judgment. We Give Them To God To Take Control...

5. PRAYERS

Lord Jesus, I Thank You For Offering Me Total And Complete Forgiveness. I Receive That Forgiveness Now. I Choose To Forgive Myself For All Of My Sexual Wrongdoing. I Also Choose To Forgive Those Who Have Harmed Me sexually. [Be Specific Here; Name Those People And Forgive Them.] I Release Them To You. I Release All My Anger And Judgment Toward Them. Come, Lord Jesus, Into The Pain They Caused Me, And Heal Me With Your Love.

This Next Step Involves Breaking The Unhealthy Emotional And Spiritual Bonds Formed With Other People Through Sexual Sin. One Of The Reasons The Bible Takes Sexual Sin So Seriously Is Because Of The Damage It Does. Another Reason Is Because Of The Bonds It Forms With People, Bonds Meant To Be Formed Only Between Husband And Wife (See 1 Corinthians 6:15–20). One Of The Marvelous Effects Of The Cross Of Our Lord Jesus Christ Is That It Breaks These Unhealthy Bonds. “may I Never Boast Except In The Cross Of Our Lord Jesus Christ, Through Which The World Has Been Crucified To Me And I To The World” (Galatians 6:14).

6. PRAYERS

I Now Bring The Cross Of My Lord Jesus Christ Between Me And Every Person With Whom I Have Been Sexually Intimate. [Name Them Specifically Whenever Possible. Also Name Those Who Have Abused You Sexually.] I Break All Sexual, Emotional, And Spiritual Bonds With [Name If Possible). I Keep The Cross Of Christ Between Us.

Many People Experience Negative Consequences Through The Misuse Of Their Sexuality. Those Consequences Might Be Lingering Guilt (Even After Confession) Or Repeated Sexual Temptation. Consequences Might Also Be The Inability To Enjoy Sex With Their Spouse. It Will Help To Bring The Work Of Christ Here As Well. Many People End Up Making Unhealthy “agreements” About Sex Or Themselves, About Men Or Women Or Intimacy, Because Of The Damage They Have Experienced Through Sexual Sin (Their Sin, Or The Sin Of Someone Against Them). You Will Want To Ask Christ What Those Agreements Are And Break Them!

7. PRAYERS

Lord Jesus, I Ask You To Reveal To Me Every “agreement” I Have Made About My Sexuality Or This Specific Struggle. [An Example Would Be “i Will Always Struggle With This” Or “i Can Never Get Free”  Or “my Sexuality Is Dirty.” Pause And Let Jesus Reveal Those Agreements To You. Then Break Them.] I Break This Agreement [Name It] In The Name Of My Lord Jesus Christ, And I Renounce Every Claim I Have Given It In My Life. I Renounce “the Hatred Of My Body”]. I Bring The Cross And Blood Of Jesus Christ Against This [Guilt Or Shame, Every Negative Consequence]. I Banish My Enemy From My Sexuality In The Mighty Name Of The Lord Jesus Christ. I Invite The Healing Presence Of Jesus Christ To Cleanse Me And Restore Me As A Sexual Being In Fullness Of Joy And Wholeness. I Ask You, Jesus, To Fill My Sexuality With Your Holiness, To Strengthen Me And Restore Me In Your Name.

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

8. PRAYERS

Finally, It Will Prove Helpful To Consecrate Your Sexuality To Jesus Christ Once More.

Lord Jesus, I Now Consecrate My Sexuality To You In Every Way. I Consecrate My Sexual Intimacy With My Future Spouse To You. I Ask You To Cleanse And Heal My Sexuality And Our Sexual Intimacy In Every Way.  I Ask Your Healing Grace To Come And Free Me From All Consequences Of Sexual Sin. I Ask You To Fill My Sexuality With Your Healing Love And Goodness. Restore My Sexuality In Wholeness. Let My Spouse And Me Experience All Of The Intimacy And Pleasure You Intended A Man And Woman To Enjoy In Marriage. I Invite The Spirit Of God To Fill Our Marriage Bed When It Comes. I Pray All Of This In The Name Of Jesus Christ, My Lord. Amen!!

Now Remember, Sometimes The Wounds And Consequences Take Time To Heal. You Might Want To Revisit This Prayer Several Times Over If Lasting Healing Has Not Yet Taken Place And Trust God For Grace.

Some Of You Will Also Benefit From Seeing A Good Christian Counselor For Cases Of Abuse And Such.

Hold Fast To These Truths:

You, Your Body, And Your Sexuality Belong To Jesus Christ. He Has Completely Forgiven You. He Created Your Sexuality To Be Whole And Holy. He Created Your Sexuality To Be A Source Of Intimacy And Joy. Jesus Christ Came To Seek And Save “What Was Lost” (Luke 19:10), Including All That Was Lost In The Blessings He Intended Through Our Sexuality!

Your Body Is The Temple Of The Holy Spirit.

I pray that God grants you understanding And Grace To Continually Stand Strong before temptations In Jesus' Name.

Kindly ask questions in the comments

Adesola Sinmileoluwa Heritage is a graduate of the Obafemi Awolowo University, CEO of Ladies Delight, a Relationship Counselor and lover of God. While she's not being too serious, she's cooking, hanging out with like minds and learning new things. She is a sister, mother, mentor, role model and daughter to many.