How to Please God Sexually In Your Relationship

Sexual feelings and urges are normal occurrences for every normal person and in fact, these urges are an indication that you are a perfectly created being by God. But what do we do with them outside the walls of marriage? How do we handle these urges when them come? In what ways can we please God sexually in your relationship.

A normal human being who is and isn’t in a relationship has every right to have those feelings pop up once in a while. Therefore, this doesn’t have to be aroused or sparked up by our partner as some feel that it should only occur when in a relationship.

Are My Sexual feelings normal?

Having said that, it is no secret that these feelings can also be activated by the kind of images you set your eyes on, certain touches at sensitive parts of the body, a flashing thought of a scene from a movie or even reality. These are just a few.

Having established these basics, how then can we honor God with this sexual feelings/urges most especially when we are in a relationship?

How can we honor God with these feelings of ours?
Well, we must understand that as much as we own our bodies, we ain’t the creators of it. It is created with a high price. Look at what the Holy Book says,

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 1 Cor 6:19
How do we then control these urges as partners in a relationship while outside the confines of marriage?

1.Understand that Your Partner’s Body Isn’t Yours Just Yet
The modern day belief never fails to inform young men and women that the best way to show your partner that you love him/her and even have a long lasting relationship is to have sex even before marriage. While some automatically believe that once you are courting/dating, your partner has complete rights to your body, the Bible negates such claim.

It’s not yet mine!
In the sixth paragraph, you’ll see how the Patriarch, Paul puts it. I’m pretty sure he had seen men and women fumble around with their bodies. It is only under the context of coming together as husband and wife that automatically gives you a legal right and ownership to each other’s bodies. It only then that you can become sexually active with your partner.

2. Create Boundaries

Sexual feelings towards partners in relationships are absolutely normal, but must be controlled before marriage. Setting limits in a sexually pure relationship is important. Boundaries makes it easier for couples to know their limits when relating with one another.

Set boundaries that makes the journey easier for you. It shouldn’t be difficult for partners to open up to each other about their weaknesses. This will enable them set boundaries that will keep them sexually pure.

3. Open Up To Your Partner and Understand Each Other.

As our faces differ, so does our area of sensitivities. What turns partner A on may be different from what turns partner B on. The ability for partners in godly relationships to open up about such is vital.

Never be afraid to open up. You may be surprised that it helps to build your relationship.
As you create boundaries in your relationships, never keep quiet about what sets you on ‘fire’. Don’t be afraid to talk about your fears and concerns. It will even build trust.

4. Make Divine Promises And Keep It

Talking to each other about your feelings is one thing, but making divine promises about remaining chaste and also keeping it is another. Divine promises in relationships are promises made to God to remain pure till ‘i do’ night.

We will remain sexually pure.
The media has trivialised the sanctity of Holy matrimony by endorsing sex before marriage which has made many see it as a norm. This is outside God’s perfect will for us:

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Heb 13:4
 

5. Associate With Persons Of Like Mind

Ever heard the phrase, ‘show me your friend and i will tell you who you are?’ I guess you have. Running this race of sexual purity can get lonely at times especially when you are with the wrong association. You’ll begin to ask yourself? “is it even worth it?” Look at how the wisest man, King Solomon put it,

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Prov 27:17

It may be feel right walking alone but it’s wiser to travel the journey of sexual purity with like minds.
If you make tight friends with people of no convictions, sooner or later, you’ll walk in their ways. Endeavor to associate with like minds who share like thoughts.

6. Hide God’s Word In Your Heart
It’s one thing to have the word of God on your lips and another thing to know it by heart. The difference is in it’s practice. Once you read, meditate and hide it in your heart, it becomes a part of your subconscious.

It even gets better when you read and memorize it together with your partner.
Find out how to make it more interesting here.

7. Pray Individually And Collectively
Prayer is a major password for an effective journey to sexual purity. Praying alone and for each other is important, but praying together is most important. It is an ingredient that solidifies your commitment to God.

Prayer solidifies your commitment.
It is a magnet that attracts your partner’s desires to yours. When one of you tries to deviate or fall out, prayer is the key to bring you back together. It is also a strengthener of your weaknesses. It is a binding force of attraction to each other while keeping yourself for each other. Prayer is the ultimate factor for remaining sexually pure.

8. Agree on Your Standards and Convictions

In Amos 3:3, a simple question was asked - "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" With this question, we see that the journey of sexual purity requires total devotion and agreement. If your partner doesn’t agree with your convictions to please God sexually by remaining chaste, it will be very difficult to thread that path. An agreement on your convictions will ensure a smoother walk. To please God with our sexual feelings, we must walk and agree with the right partner.

I agree to walk this walk of sexual purity with you!

9. Don’t feed your Fantasies

At one point in life or the other, we tend to create fantasies in our heads. When it comes to being with the one we love, we look forward to great times with them and if we aren’t careful, we may end up satisfying these desires lustfully.

I know and understand that each time you see your partner, the chemical reactions in your body act fast, wanting to create a biological formation but you must apply physics at this point: the push force. Do not for any reason apply the pull force or else, you might regret your actions.

Rather than feed your phantasm, distract them.
Other times, you might be tempted to take a look at pornographic pictures/videos, but you must determine in your heart to remain sexually pure both in thoughts and in deed. This goes for the men and women. Apostle Paul said to the Corinthians when he realized that some of them could no longer control themselves. He advised, ‘it is better to marry than to burn.

Nevertheless beloved, God’s grace is sufficient for us. Let’s heed to one of the greatest advise of all times,

This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. Gal 5:16

10.Walk Away When Things Start Getting Heated Up
As much as we try not to get into uncomfortable situations, our flesh may try to hinder us. At the point when our hands are loosing control, what do we do? I believe that when one partner seems to be weak, the other should be strong. If at any point you see that your partner is too weak to let go, you can simply walk away. Don’t try to apologize, else you might be weakened. After a while, come back and talk about it in an open space and most importantly, renew number 4.

Help yourselves by walking away for that period.
Remember, you are partners in progress and the goal to please God must always be your number one priority.

11. Be accountable to Someone

Accountability requires that you are answerable to someone. In remaining sexually pure in your relationship, you need someone/some people who you are answerable to. The truth is, it will get tough at some point, but having an accountable figure/figures who are trustworthy will ensure that you are law abiding and also help you pour out your struggles to him or her.

As we conclude this article, you must understand that God’s grace abounds to help us win the battle against our flesh while running this race of sexual purity. Don’t be desperate in settling for any Tom, Dick and Harry just because you don’t want to feel lonely. Find, and be found of a godly partner - even if it tarries, God will surely bring you the best. The very best that will help accomplish your walk. Are you finding it hard to find the right one? Read here.


Please say this after me, I and my partner will please God with our bodies. Till i come your way next time, do remain in God.

5 Ways to Successfully Ask a Christian Lady Out

 

First, make sure you are confident and have a clear idea of what you want to ask the lady out for (i.e. a date, a coffee, etc.).

    Approach the lady in a polite and respectful manner, and introduce yourself if you have not met before.

    Compliment the lady on something you find attractive or interesting about her, such as her smile or her style.

    Ask if she would be interested in going out with you. Be specific about the details (e.g. "Would you like to grab a coffee with me this weekend?").

    Be prepared for rejection, and handle it gracefully if it does happen. Thank the lady for her time, and wish her well. Do not push for an explanation or try to change her mind. You can read our article here on Why Christian Ladies reject/refuse Relationship  Proposals

5 Lessons from Our 5 Year Courtship Anniversary

1. Time reveals: Oh yes, time does. People miss it in marriage mostly because they didn't pay attention while they were dating or courting. Time reveals character, capacity, wisdom, progress, plans, etc.

You would know the person well (maybe not totally), when you pay attention to them. It won't take time before you'd start to see their real self. It's the same with even you as a person, you'd begin to learn different things about yourself that you never knew.

With time, you'd start to really see who your partner is and it can't hide for long.

2. Time tells stories: Today, we took a step back to look at where we were when we met and where we are now and they don't even match. We had our different seasons with different challenges. Some things we worried about 2 years ago are not the same things we're thinking now. Seasons change and you must recognize it.

There was a time we would think days before buying something or days we'd delay gratification for a need because we couldn't afford it. Lool.

I think it was in our first year that I helped babe save so much to get a new laptop so we could share it since I didn't have one. Now, I have 2.😂

3. You can follow God's will: I think that if there's anything we've hacked together, it's following God's will. We never second guess instructions from God and we're always in sync so if God is telling one person, best believe that the other person knows about it.

You can follow God's will and have a partner who is ready to move with you on it. Getting someone who is not slow in the Spirit is a big flex. You won't argue about so much and you'd have little differences because you're plugged to the same source.

You can and will have it.

4. The concept of mirroring Jesus Christ and the church is not impossible: Oh, we're not perfect o but, I constantly see a reflection of how God loves me in my relationship and it's not by mouth. The love that comes with obvious sacrifice, inconvenience and loyalty to the one you love even when it hurts.

Lol like, we share the smallest things, give all it takes to see the other person achieve their goals, celebrate our wins, sacrifice enjoyment to be with the other person even when you don't feel like it, forgive again and again and even before they offend you, support them when they are not there and love our families.

Must be another Christ.

5. Love is not just a feeling but an intentional decision to love the other person with everything that comes with it. There would be days you just want to bounce out and there are days you don't want them out of your sight. On either days, your decision to love must stand.

If Jesus chose to love us even before we came in, how much more us? That's how we think.

You get to a point where there's nothing they can do to freak you out, you have forgiven them already and moved. A lot of break ups would be avoided if we understand this. You don't wake up one morning to say you're not "feeling" it anymore. Build strong convictions.

I remember the last physical Becoming More with Della and babe was in charge of media— making the event go smooth and doing all the work while I just had to go up stage and do my thing.

Pastor Usen MJ had sighted him and the way he was working all through the event. He called me aside and said "Della. There's something about that man wearing blue and serving. Have you considered him for a relationship?"

This was last year and he didn't even know anything was up. I just said "Pastor, I have this man on lockdown already. Not letting him go." And we laughed.😂

Ladies, in all your getting, get a man who would;

1. LOVE you as a big deal 

2. Be kind to you first as a person before a partner (you'd see this in the way they relate with people). He must have built character.

3. Catch a revelation of who you are first before God (he must understand your purpose and calling like the back of his palms)

4. God extra miles to support you and everything that comes with it. He must be your hype man, covering and defender

5. Above everything else, love the LORD with all his heart and with all his soul including the things of God. Very important. If he loves the Lord, loving you would be a walk in the park.

Or the crusade we had earlier this year. It was almost time to show the last part of the movie through the projector and suddenly, the laptop stopped working. Babe was in charge of this part of the crusade but he just didn't tell me at first.

He later called me to tell me, we went aside and laid hands on the laptop and started praying it back on. Immediately it was time for it to show, the laptop came back on.

We just remained calm and let it play. Nobody around knew what had happened. See, with this man, my soul has escaped. There's nothing anyone can do to me.😂

Did anyone lie to you to say men won't want to be with you if you are too ambitious as a woman? Please, just laugh and tell them you are not just about men, you are about sons.

When God gives you His son, he would see your ambitions as God's and do his assignment in your calling. He won't be intimidated and the devil will have no hold over his mind. He will see your fulfillment of purpose as the glorification Christ and not a tool to silence him.

The head cannot be silenced. To recognize a person, you will have to see the head first. Do what you will with this information.😂

Ordinary this one, the devil continues to wage war. When we now get married nko? 

He go dey foam for mouth.😂

31 Days in the Triangle

Godly relationships are designed by default to be a triangle with God, you and your partner as active participants in the growth and success of that relationship. This means that all three parties have tangible roles and the exclusion of one party invalidates the relationship

The 31 Days in the Triangle is an online programme that positions you in the right side of your relationship triangle. It is designed to help courting and married couples bond with the father and stay intimate while exploring their love journey. From March 1st through 31st, we would host you with Daily Couple Devotionals, Daily Prompts, Prophetic Confessions, Weekly Prayer Meetings and ultimately, an end of the month hangout.

To register for the 31 Days in the Triangle, you simply need to click here. Both partners are advised to register individually (of course you can register twice - for yourself and your partner). You can also share this link with your partner so that they can join in too. Upon a successful registration, you will be redirected to a closed Whatsapp group.

We hope to see you in soon! Cheers to a blissful relationship!

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Self Love: How to Love Yourself in Your Relationship

In today’s society, it can be difficult to develop a healthy concept of self-love but you have to love yourself before anyone else can. self-love isn’t about being egotistical or arrogant, it’s about being secure in your identity.

Sometimes believers think self-anything is a sin but, when you learn to love yourself, you’re able to sustain healthy relationships. If you’re insecure, no amount of love from your partner will ever be enough.
A huge aspect of learning to love yourself properly is seeing yourself the way that God sees you.

He loves us so much that while we were in sin, Jesus came and died for us (Romans 5:8). So, no matter how we feel at times, we have to remember that we were worthy enough for Him to give His own life. This truth should empower you to value yourself.

We are significant to the Lord, He made us joint-heirs with Christ! When you fully understand this and recognize your importance, you’ll start to see yourself differently and begin to love yourself inside out.

Here are a few practical tips to help you love yourself more.
Surround yourself with healthy people and community.

When you’re determined to love yourself, it’s crucial for you to be around others who love themselves and speak life consistently. If you’re always hanging out with negative people, it’ll start to rub off of you. Spending more time with those you admire can go a long way in gaining self-confidence.
Enjoy your own company.

If you hate being alone it could be a sign that you don’t love yourself enough. Now, you don’t have to isolate yourself but solitude can rejuvenate you. This could be as simple as taking yourself to the movies or going for a long walk. Maybe you could take a class or do something you’ve wanted to do but no one had any interest. This is YOUR time — do you!

Spend time with God.

Spending time with God can look like different things for different people. Maybe for you, it’s watching a teaching on YouTube, or journaling, or maybe it’s taking a nature walk. Whatever you can do to feel more connected to God and hear His voice.

You don’t have to wait for Sunday service to get in the presence of God. Turn on some worship music, pray, and rest in Him. Tell Him what’s on your mind and how you’re trying to develop healthy self-love. There’s something about knowing that the God of heaven and earth is with you, and His love will spark your own.
Cherish what you have and who you are NOW.

This is a big one! So many times we get caught up in thinking that soon we’ll have this and one day we’ll be happy. We fantasize about the perfect life scenario and we’re so fixated on that idea that we overlook how blessed we already are. This leads to depression and makes it difficult to love ourselves.

Make the very best out of everything you have as it is right now. Be present and don’t forget to smell the roses because life is so sweet! There’s nothing wrong with desiring more but don’t downplay all that you do have. As you work toward the life you want, take on the mindset of gratitude — it’ll make the journey that much better!

Click here to subscribe to our podcast, Becoming the One, for more content on wholeness, relationships, and more!

Date on His Purse or Dutch on Us

Right! Whenever you man up and foot every popping bill, it does this wonder boosting to your ego, you feel manly and when she sits there and watch you pay each time, it does this cruel bruising to her pride.

Every lady who has a premium-quality-starter-packed for a wife material wouldn’t comfortably watch you settle the bills every time. Yes! She will want you to know that you two are in it together, she’ll itch to make you see her as the helper she’s been made and not siphon from you always.

A parochial approach to things however causes some men to view ladies who pulled out their wallet and settle bills as depriving them of feeling manly. Or worse, claiming equality with them. No she’s not.

There is this mutuality that doing things together fosters rather than you always being at the bill end all the time. If you maintain it’s your sole responsibility to settle the bill and wouldn’t even want to see her pulse anytime another one pops up, don’t be surprise you are going to make her stick to the kitchen and never expect your help in that zone too. When something benefits two people and only one person is the whole burden, the relationship becomes a sinking ship but when something benefits two people and both are all hands on deck about it, the relationship then becomes partnership. Ladies too, don’t wreck your guy because he is a man, he is a man and not an iron rod.

Dutch is simply each man for himself and God for us all. You pay for your meal and I pay for mine. While this may be cool, however it will subconsciously introduce this distance feeling into your relationship on the long run. Compared to dating couples who simply come together and get it all done as a twain.

So on your next date, how about let her the bills if she offered to and you get the movie tickets. Relationship can be a lot of fun without one party feeling like she is becoming a burden or the other thinking his place as a man is being threatened.

 -Adeyemi Comfort Oluwatoyin

3 Lies that Satan tells Singles and How to Combat them

The devil has a reputation as the father of lies
 

1. You need to Date

When the devil comes to you, he brings up seemingly interesting discussions such as "how will you be able to handle a relationship if you’ve never been in one? You need to learn how to talk to people of the opposite sex. You’re awkward... and all that" He also tells you that, dating will help you be prim and proper for when you meet the one. However, this seemingly harmless advice can turn harmful. Soon enough, you will need to practice kissing, intimacy and other things in order to be prepared for your significant other. Incidentally, when you meet the person God has for you, you might be broken and dealing with soul ties. 

This is why it’s best to trust God’s timing and not force situations to happen. Feeling that you need practice does not indicate your trust in God. God will use experiences, tests and even the mundane parts of your life in order to prepare you for your future spouse (read the book of  Ruth). Trust that God is working all things for your good.

2. You’re Too Old

If you are having a crisis because your biological clock is ticking, you should know that it's the devil's lie at work. Do not fear because God’s timing is not always the same as yours. The devil will usually come through your relatives and friends who will begin to pressure you into a relationship because you’re almost 30. You’re panicking because with each additional year, you feel that your opportunity of meeting someone significantly decreases. However, God can place someone at a bus stop who can completely transform your life. We must have child-like faith and trust that God knows what we need.

If you are older and haven’t met your spouse, you are in good company. Jesus started his ministry at 30 (and was single whilst on earth) and Joseph began serving Pharaoh when he was 30.

3. You’re not Good Enough

No one likes you. You’re too weird, fat or (fill in the blank with the lie the enemy has for you). Counter these lies with God’s truths. You have to be aggressive in casting down the taunts of the enemy! God says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. When lies are entrenched in your psyche, it affects your countenance, how you talk and your self – esteem. When God finally blesses you with a good thing, you may be constantly doubting yourself. As a result, the relationship suffers.
Counter these lies by soaking yourself in God’s word. Mediate on His promises. Be proactive in what you allow your ears to hear, eyes to see and lips to utter.

3 Ways to Enjoy The Love Triangle: Not Your Regular Love Triangle

The emotions that follow when we hear the term "Love Triangle" are mostly negative and this is due to the type of love triangle we have seen over time. The general knowledge of the love triangle is one where two people are contending for the love of a third person. This type of love causes a lot of friction in the relationship between all three individuals involved in the triangle of love. Emotions like hatred, anger, sadness, and pain are found in a relationship like that. The contending partners if aware of each other's agenda always try to outsmart each other. The partner whom they are fighting for is mostly caught up in the web of confusion. It can become a very toxic relationship. And trust me when I say as much as no one loves to be in such a situation, a lot of people are found struggling to get out of their current love triangle.

Although, people run away from this type of relationship, the type of Love Triangle that we will be discussing in this article is not your regular love triangle. It is the type of love triangle that every individual in a relationship (most importantly, in a Godly relationship) should strive to be in. This type of Love Triangle brings more peace, joy, and order to the life of the individuals in the relationship. It gives contrasting emotions to that of the common love triangle.

If you have read up to this point, you deserve to know more about this love triangle. So,

What is this Love Triangle?

Of course, it is a relationship. A relationship that involves 3 individuals which are: God, You, and Your partner. Yes! What relationship can go bad when God is in it? This is a type of relationship where God is the true head. He leads the couple and they follow. If we are to have this in a pictorial form, we would have an equilateral triangle. The angle at the top will be labeled God, the angles on the right and the left sides will be labeled You and your partner respectively.

How it works is that God as the leader of the relationship is the one that directs the affairs of the relationship. He gives you and your partner instructions and you both come together to execute the instructions. This relationship has a lot of advantages that come with it, and here are 3 things you can do to enjoy this love triangle;

Understand the Purpose of the Love Triangle to you: You know the common saying "when the purpose is unknown, abuse is inevitable." It is the same with your love triangle, if you don't know the reason why you are in the Love triangle, you will not be able to harness the goodness in the relationship. This is to tell you that it is very possible to be in a Godly relationship and not live life or enjoy the benefits of being in it. The purpose of any true love triangle with God at the top is that it births true companionship. You can be there for each other while under the leading of the one true God. When you are in this type of love triangle, it brings true peace, serves as a way to build trust, helps you and your partner grow and be accountable to each other, it also provides you with strength. All these can be enjoyed when you know the reason you are in that love triangle. This also requires you to have a personal relationship with God as individuals so that when God is speaking you hear him, both as an individual and as a couple. Don't be in this love triangle without knowing why you are there. This helps to enjoy the journey better

Understand your role in the love triangle: Just as each part of the body has its function so does each member of the love triangle have their role to play to make the relationship work. Each person has to focus on playing their part along with God. In a love triangle, God speaks to each individual and they both come together to do what they need to do. At the same time, both individuals speak to God and the process continues like that. Should there be a partner who doesn't know that He is supposed to listen to God, when God is ready to give him answers to questions that will be of help to his relationship with his partner and his other part of his life, he will be ignorant of how to position himself to be able to be a channel of peace.

Respect everyone's position: there are times when your partner hurts you. Being in a love triangle requires you to respect God and respect the position of your partner and not just your partner. Doing this will help you enjoy the love triangle. For instance, if your partner fails to fulfill the promise she made, instead of being angry or resentful, you are required to love her and honor her position as your partner.

Thank you for reading up to this point, kindly take note

Being in a triangle is profitable and good for every relationship. It is a must-have in any relationship that wants to thrive. 

Click here to watch a video illustration of the love triangle.

What other ways do you think we can enjoy your love triangle. See you in the comments section.

Other posts:

5 Things You Should Know Before You Start Dating

5 Ways To Keep Your Long Distance Relationship Alive.

Hold Up: Growing Intimacy for LDRs (Book Review) 

5 reasons why keeping a joint relationship journal is essential for you and your partner.

2 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Sex and Sexual Activities Before Marriage

Should You Spiritualize Everything in Your Relationship

Self-love before Romantic Love

Infatuation or Love?

Sisi Salewa 2 (Infatuation or Love)

Sisi Salewa 1 (Infatuation or Love)

5 Major Turnoffs to Avoid in Your Relationship

Èmí Ògá (The Spirit of the Boss 2)

Èmí Ògá (The Spirit of the Boss 1)