7 Lessons from Queen Esther and King Xerxes

The story of Esther and Xerxes is common to many people as it is one of the Bible stories told over and over again. It Is the story of a young lady who through her character and obedience, finds favour and becomes the queen of king Xerxes in place of Queen Vashti. Looking into their story, below are some lessons we can learn from them both.

1. Esther was obedient. She was obedient to her uncle, she was obedient to Hegai who was in charge of her and her obedience paid off as she found favour and became the queen. Her obedience made her significant and it was her obedience that later saved her people from perishing. A woman who desires a positively exemplary home has to be obedient to God, her husband, parents and other authorities once it's not contradicting to the word of God and what she believes in.

2. King Xerxes was a man who knew what he was looking for and when he found Esther, he didn't hesitate to make her his. The Bible says he loved Esther more than all the other women that had come and he made her queen immediately. As we look forward to having homes in the future, it is important to spend time in prayer and with God, conversing with Him about what we want and what He'd have us do. This would save us stress of doing trial and error relationships and would make it more easy to recognize your partner when he or she comes.

Read- Respect in Courtship: Who deserves it more?

3. King Xerxes was almost always seeking the opinion of others. As a king, it was important but there were some decisions he could have made himself. Some of the opinions others gave him led to problems and didn't help the situation. Even if we seek for the opinion of others, we should weigh it with what we believe and think of the consequences before carrying such out.

4. Esther had to save her people from the threat of Haman. When she heard, and after she was spoken to by her uncle Modecai, she ordered that she and her maids and those who served her to not eat but to pray and seek God's face as she knew the consequences of visiting the king without him asking for her. A woman knees needs to be close to the ground and her voice constantly heard in heaven interceding for her family and that concerns her. This also applies to men. Both men and women have to understand the importance of prayer and apply it to their everyday lives.

5. King Xerxes had anger issues thus it took a woman who had studied and understood him and was wise enough to handle him. Don't make assumptions in relationships. Know as much as possible the person you're building with, with hopes to spend the rest of your life with and when there are signs, don't ignore them.

6. Esther knew her husband's weakness and used it to her advantage. She knew he loved wine and when he was in good spirits he could do anything. Thus, she used it to her advantage. We shouldn't use our partner's weaknesses against them but use it in a way that would benefit both of us. Esther could have died thus, initiating another search for another queen but she used King Xerxes weakness to save herself, her people and her marriage.

Read: When Spirituality bows to Emotions

7. King Xerxes had the habit of making decisions without thinking through. He was unwise in making many decisions which led to dire consequences. He made decisions without thinking through and for which when he had a rethink was too late or almost  too late. For example when queen Vashti was removed, when he gave Haman the authority to wipe out the Jews etc. As men and ladies, we are not to make decisions without thinking of the consequences and how it would affect not just us but every other person around us.

How to Handle Sexual Urges Before Marriage

When I was growing, I used to like this meat pie from Mr. Biggs. I would buy it everyday and I didn’t mind trekking to Mr. Biggs on Oregun road to buy it. I bought it too after church. I bought it for so long with stolen money from my dad’s suit. Ahhh. I took my dad’s money a lot! It was norm for me to just enter his room, go to his suits and check his pockets for money and guess what?

Each time I went to the suit, I always find money in it and I took them for so long and my dad never talked or ask who was taking his money. But he kept putting it there. And I kept taking it.

I thought I had hacked that art of stealing from your dad without him remembering or saying anything about it. I thought it was manna from Heaven. Judge me, whatever, I’m a changed person now.😂

One day, I misplaced the change I got from the woman who sold bread two houses away. My dad had sent me 100 bread and I misplaced the 100 change. I got home before realizing.

I ran back to the woman crying to her to come and help me beg my daddy that he would beat me (for 100?!😭) and I was crying so much the old woman had to follow me home and climb all those stairs to beg my dad.

I had never misplaced money from my dad so I didn’t know how he would react but I knew it wasn’t a good one.

 

“Ah. E filed e ma worry? Is that why you came? Ahhh. Ko le to yennnn?”

And the woman left. My dad felt so embarrassed and kept asking me why I would think he would beat me for misplacing his money.

“Have I ever beaten you for misplacing money? Even breaking plates? Why did you have to bring her?”

“Even my money that you’ve been taking from my suits, have I said anything? You think I don’t know?”

 

God has put sexual urges in us for a reason. He had made us physically attracted to the opposite sex for a reason. He purposely made it so. 

(If you don’t feel like that, I don’t know what to tell you, lol.) It’s okay if you find them attractive. You are not less spiritual and your prayer life is not in shambles. You dey alright.

But you know, He wanted you to enjoy it in marriage with that person you get to tie the knot with.

 

Ahhh😭😭😭

He knew!!!

“I kept the money there everyday for you. The money was for you people so that when I’m not around and you need to get something, you won’t be stranded.”

This was the shocker. So, the money was mine all these while and I was stealing it? You mean to say it’s mine but I was trying to cut corners to have it?

So each time you try to “do it” before marriage, you’re stealing something that already belongs to you but for a certain time. 

My dad kept the money in his suits so we could have it when we were stranded or needed to get something and he wasn’t around.

Same way God put all those sexual urges for us to act on when we’re married and in the right time to put all our skills to work.🌚

[5/19, 9:31 PM] Adeolami: Now, you’ve stolen it for so long and now it’s like you’re losing it. You almost reach through to him and remember you’ve failed Him and so you run back and try to reach Him through people.

You’re listening to messages, reading books and maybe even going to church but again, God wants to shut these things out and call you into depth with Him. Now, He wants to meet with you.

“Why do you have to reach me through someone? Come up hither. I know of all your other wrong deeds but did I kill you?”

[5/19, 9:31 PM] Adeolami: Why steal it when you can wait and get it ALL? I mean, it’s for you. God won’t collect back your sexual urges and abilities and the hot things you feel like doing now now.

It’s going to always be your own, innit?😂

But what happens when you’ve stolen it already? He says “When you were stealing it all these while, did I strike you dead? Why did you think that now that you’ve lost it, I’d disown you?”

[5/19, 9:31 PM] Adeolami: It’s the same with whatever thing it is you think you’ve failed God on.

Stop running away. He wants to talk to you. The moment He tells you about the “appointed time”, you’d be more than happy you waited.

How do you not steal these things? Walk in the Spirit. Don’t shut out the Spirit. Hold on to what God has told you. It’s for you, but it’s for an appointed time. Spend time with the person that put the sexual kini there.

[5/19, 9:31 PM] Adeolami: It’s just like finishing the plantain before you finish frying.😂

But, Bola, if you finish frying the plantain, it’s yours to eat with the beans?🌚👀. Nobody will share it with you abi? Gbam.

If you’ve started stealing it, stop stealing it. The one you’ve stolen is okay. It’s not until they strike you dead nau (lol no, God won’t). But really, you can stop. It might not stop immediately you decide to stop but if you see the reasons why you should, you would.

 

To coonclude, you should not miss the crux of the matter, so here is a quick summary.

1. Stop stealing. Wait for the plantain to finish frying

2. If you’ve stolen, God knows and He still wants a relationship and wants to guide you.

3. If hand dey scratch you to steal, go and marry. We dey your back. If you are in a relationship, sexual urges will definitely come. If the thing catch you too much, Brother Paul said we should go and marry.

No too think am. If you see say you’re body no dey cooperate, put the ring on it. By that time, your body go _kule_.😂

God wants us to “Do it”. He’s even looking forward to it but He’s alarm is set on the right time in marriage.  If you no wan marry, baff with cold water.🌚

From God’s heart to you, He added also that He loves you! He wants to hear from you again!❤️🥺

Majoring so much on avoiding pre-marital sex as a key to having a successful marriage is to have your priorities mixed up.

If you study scriptures properly, you will guard against and flee fornication. 1st Corinthians 6:18 KJV says
[18] Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

However your greater emphasis should not be to achieve the short term results of avoiding such indiscipline before marriage. There are other lusts that will emerge after you tie the knots. Thus, many develop strange habits after the wedding, during marriage. So rather than focus on the premarital abstinence only, let couples groom themselves in developing the christian character called Self- Control. It is the virtue which delays immediate gratification for a more noble cause.

Focus here, will be on appetites generally- rage, food, leisure, sex, gists, sleep ..

When you do this, you build a total man not just a pre-marital hero who might just be postponing the evil day!

 Wait. Sex is good as long as it begins from the wedding night. Sex is food for marriage and not appetizer or small chops for a relationship or courtship.You are valuable, so zip up.

Galatians 5:22-25[ tells us that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, [23] Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. [24] And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. [25] If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

4 Tips for Effective Communication in Your Relationship

What is Communication?

In its literal form, communication means sending and receiving information. According to the Merriam Webster dictionary- “communication is a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior”. It is also the exchange of information. From these definitions, one can say that this act of communicating involves two parties and whatever information there is to be passed across.

 

Communication in a relationship involves two people (the couple) and whatever it is that they are talking about. In a relationship, there are specifications as to how communication should look like but the most important of them all is that it must be positive and progressive. This doesn’t mean that couples will not get to disagree on issues or that all their communication should be based on lovey-dovey talks. It however means that no matter how much they disagree on some certain matters pertaining to their relationship and life, they must make sure they understand the best communication style, make use of it while communicating and get positive and progressive results.

 

Communication can take different forms as stated in the Merriam Webster dictionary - the use of signs, symbols and or behavior. The major types of communication are the Verbal and the Non-verbal communication types and this two are really essential for couples in a relationship to understand. There is a crucial need for couples to understand each other, the different types of communication and the mood during communication. That way,  messages will not be passed or received in the wrong way. 

Communication is the heart and life of a healthy relationship and your choice of communication style can be the biggest bio-hazard to your relationship. As mentioned above, there are many things to consider in building effective communication with your partner but the most important is to make sure that no matter the way or communication style you choose, you must always reach a positive and progressive point or conclusion.

Verbal and Non-verbal Communication.

Verbal and non-verbal communication goes hand in hand and there is a need to understand both communication types. As couples, you and your partner should not ‘talk at’ each other but ‘talk with’ each other. Whenever you set out to have a conversation with your partner, it is essential that you do not only listen to the words that they speak but also to their facial expressions and body language at that moment. Remember that “action speaks louder than words ”. Your partner may say to you, ‘I love you’ in a very flat tone, but if you take time to notice his or her facial expression at that moment, one might be able to understand better what is meant.

In a situation where couples talk at each other, there would be many problems. This is because, instead of listening to one another, both parties will try to make their points thus resulting in a waste of time and effort. Also,  the couple will have to go over the same issues time and time again. If at all you are going to discuss certain issues with your partner, it is essential that you give it your all and do everything right to make sure that the communication is effective and something positive comes out of it. Remember, couples should stop talking at each other and start talking with each other.

Now that we have discussed communication types in relationships and what communication with our partner is supposed to look like, let's dig deeper into how effective communication can be achieved between individuals in a relationship. 

The reason behind lack of communication varies from couple to couple.

Sometimes the stress of work makes a person withdraw, become more reserved, touch, and easily irritated to the extent that they would not like to discuss anything with their partners; they would rather be left alone to try to figure things out. The more couples try to figure things out on their own the more the situation might get worse because being in a relationship makes your partner another you and like the common saying "two heads are better than one" so it is better to share your thoughts with your partner than to keep it to yourself than gradually become a angry person.

Research has shown that couples that communicate effectively in their relationship tend to do better in every part of their life than couples that communicate Ineffectively. Why? Because they are able to share their burden with their partner thereby, making it easy to carry.

All couples love to communicate effectively but most of them don't know how to and that is what we would be discussing as stated above.

Most couples try to communicate when they are angry or sad or too happy but it is important to understand that when we are not in our normal or original or calm state we do not make the best decisions therefore there is a need to make sure that before communicating with our partners we have to be in the right state of mind for communication (i.e we have to be prepared for communication before we start).

Stated below are 4 ways you can have effective communication in your relationship.

1. Be Fully Attentive

One of the biggest mistakes that couples make when they are speaking with their partner is that they do not pay full attention. This causes a lot of issues because they have to talk about the same thing over and over again. Active listening is the key ingredient for effective communication. When you are speaking with your partner there is a need to pay full attention. Try as much as possible to maintain eye contact. Do not play with objects. Avoid vigorous movement of the legs or other parts of the body. Try as much as possible to not interrupt your partner while he or she is talking. This will help you to understand your partner well because you will be able to take note of both their verbal and non-verbal way of communication at that moment and it helps your partner communicate better with you.

2. Communicate Everyday

Except in cases whereby communication is restricted, couples should make sure that they communicate daily There is need for couples to put some time aside everyday to communicate with each other and to catch up with the happenings of the day. This helps the couple to become more intimate. It also helps them to know what is going on in each other's world. By doing this daily and paying full attention in the process they are able to understand each other and are able to build healthier relationships with their partner.

3. Use "I statements" (Be Polite)

It is essential that when we are discussing with our partners we do not allow our emotions to take over us. It is better to speak intentionally and politely to our partner. The use of the  "I statements" when talking with our partner especially when discussing serious issues.

Instead of pushing blames and making it seem like whatever happened was our partners fault, we can make use of "I statements". For instance, "I would like it if you could wash the dishes after we eat" or "I would be happy if you could create more time for us to talk" this sounds better and would have more effect than "You never wash the dishes after we finish eating" or "You never create time for us to talk about important issues".

4. Listen with Focus and Intent

You would agree with me that you would be sad if after pouring your heart out to your partner and telling him or her how you feel about a particular thing in your relationship and you have to come back next week to discuss that same thing. Why? Because your partner only listened at that moment and said "OK! I will change" but he or she did not listen with Focus and Intent. In every relationship, it is essential that while you are communicating with your partner you are intentional and you will hold on to your integrity that when you say Yes, you mean it. If you have to go over the same thing every time it means your partner wasn't focused while you were discussing. This can lead to an unhealthy relationship.

Taking note of points like this is important in building a great relationship. Let’s meet in the comment section and you can also share more ways with me on how we can have effective communication our relationship

Love Is Important

Human beings place importance on different things and the level of importance we place on those things. The level of importance you will attach to something would vary from the level of importance your friend would attach to that same thing.

At a point I asked myself "isn't there something that should be of importance to all humans?" that was when I realised there is actually something that brings us all together when it comes to importance and that is Love. Yes love, I know you might want to argue that even love is not important but I would still say that Love is the single most important thing in the world.

It is the love that you have for a particular thing that would make you want to live your life doing it. It is the love that you have for a particular person that will make you want to live for the person or make sure that the person is comfortable at every point in time. It all boils down to a deep sense of love.

Here in the community we talk about love, how to build a Godly relationship, how to love one another in a way that would help us to have peace and happiness in our lives, homes, families and a lot more.

 

It is good that we build very strong relationships that will help us throughout the year and years to come. But it would not speak well of us if our relationship with our partners and other people is based on the things that are not of importance. That is why you should let your relationship be based on Love.

Love for the person and love for who the person is.

 

Conclusion

To truly love a person is to always think about the person when you are making decisions that concern them. We should learn to build relationships on the right bases, do not build your relationship on the ground of what you can get alone, determine the important things. Do not be willing to take without giving. If you are starting a relationship because of the value of knowledge you get from the person be willing also to give some level of value to that person. In this way you will be able to enjoy the bliss of that relationship.

The 9 Fruits of the Spirit and Your Relationship

The Bible in Galatians 5:22-23 mentions that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. These fruits of the spirit are essential elements that prove that we are children of God and that Christ lives in us through the Holy Spirit. The essence of the fruits of the spirit is to hshow us forth as witnesses and evidence of Christ in us as believers. This is why John 15: 2 also tells us that God, the vine dresser, cuts off every branch in Christ that bears no fruit, and every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes to make it even more fruitful.

1. Love

In Matthew 22:35-40, Jesus spoke extensively about love as a requirement for our relationship with people. Love is much more than a feeling of passion for your partner. It also includes an understanding that every other fruit of the spirit is embedded in it. This is why true love will never hurt, backbite, instigate one against another, fight, keep malice or harbour sorrow in the heart. In your relationship, you have to value the love that you share and express it deeply to your partner at every opportunity.

2. Joy

John in his letter to Gaius (3 John 1:3-4).

3. Peace

When we read through Romans 12:18, the Apostle Paul rightly admonishes us saying that as much as possible, we must try to live peaceably with all men and this includes your partner. An example of peace making in this case is that of Abraham and his nephew, Lot. (Genesis 13:8-9). In every relationship, especially as couples, living in peace should not be underrated.

4. Forbearance

God's word again in Luke 17:3-4 instructs us to take heed to yourselves. It specifically says that if your neighbour sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. It also says that if your neighbour sins against you seven times in a day, and comes to you each time in repentance, seeking your forgiveness, then you must forgive him. This kind of forgiveness takes longsuffering. In the words of Apostle Joshua Selman Nimmak, forbearance is giving room and accommodation for an offence to be repeated. While sin should not be tolerated and should be pointed out when it is our responsibility to do so, repeated sin must be patiently forgiven, even if it happens seven times in one day. This is what God does, and this is what He wants us to do.)

In example, Jeremiah was given the task to tell the people of Judah that Babylon was going to take them captive because they refused to repent of their sins. Jeremiah did not give up trying to get them to repent and turn from their wicked ways (Jeremiah 9:1, Jeremiah 38:6). The scroll of the prophecies God had given him was burned and had to be rewritten. Through all this, Jeremiah still tried to turn them from sin.

5. Kindness 

The Bible in the book of Ephesians 4:32 - “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” In 2 Chronicles 22-23, Queen Athaliah took the throne of Judah, murdering all rightful heirs. She unknowingly spared one - a baby named Joash. The former king’s daughter (Jehoshabeath) saved Joash from the slaughter and hid him for 7 years with her husband the high priest (Jehoiada) in the house of the Lord while the usurper queen ruled Judah. They took a risk, putting their lives on the line to show kindness to the little boy. After 7 years, Jehoiada took steps to install Joash as king and get rid of Athaliah. Then, for many years, Jehoiada continued to guide and counsel Joash.

6. Goodness 

Hezekiah (2 Chronicles 29-32) inherited the kingdom from his father who was a very wicked ruler. In his reign, Hezekiah cleansed the temple from neglect and contempt, restoring the true worship of God. He also kept the Passover festival, got rid of pagan worship and stood against the most powerful king at the time, Sennacherib of Assyria, who mocked God. King Josiah in 2 Chronicles 34-35 followed the same pattern as Hezekiah. He inherited the kingdom after two wicked kings destroyed what Hezekiah had put in place. Josiah purged the land again of all the terrible pagan practices. He also found the Book of the Law and became determined to follow it closely.

7. Faithfulness

2 Corinthians 5:7 and Hebrews 11 lists Abraham and Sarah as examples of faithful people who did many things by faith. As partners, you must understand that the fruit of faithfulness will help your belief in God. That way, you can hing on his promises. Faithfulness is a concept that is linked to loyalty and as such, partners must ensure that they are faithful to one another as well as unto God. We shared a few tips about faithfulness at our programme tagged 31 Days in the Triangle in March 2022. You can see the prompts on our Instagram page to follow up on faithfulness with your partner.

8. Gentleness

In Matthew 11:29, Christ said, “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls”. Paul too in 2 Corinthians 10:1 says, “Now I, Paul, myself am pleading with you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ—who in presence am lowly among you, but being absent am bold toward you.” 

9. Self-Control 

In 1st John 2:15-17: “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.”

5 Relationship and Marriage Lessons from Abraham and Sarah

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told through some chapters of the early part of Genesis. It doesn't dwell much on their early stages of marriage but on their later stages of their lives and their marriage. Abraham was a committed servant of God who served, respected and honored God with everything He had all his life. Sarah was his precious wife, who had to go through the rigour and heart breaks, fights and disagreements that might have arose with her inability to bear a child for her husband. We can imagine people calling Sarah "barren", "witch", and other kinds of names. You can also imagine nights so quiet that the couple most especially Sarah had to cry themselves to sleep, for the lack of the voice of a child to fill in the silence. Still, they both continuously served God and obeyed Him. Continuously because if Abraham was the only one serving God without Sarah's support, there would have most likely been problems. Their story includes a time where Sarah and given up on her ability to have children thus, decided to give her slave Hagar as a wife to Abraham with the hope of helping God fulfill His promise of making Abraham a father to.many descendants. The union brought forth Ismael, a son whom God promised greatness because he was Abraham's seed. In our study for today, the story continues to talk about God's promise of a son to Abraham when he was 99 and Sarah was 90.

It was during this encounter God changed both names from Abram to Abraham and from Sarai to Sarah.. covenant names, a signal/proof of God's covenant to them. Their story continues with Abraham and lot his relative parting ways because of disagreements. Then comes Abraham's decision alongside Sarah to lie to Abimelech a king with the fear that he would kill Abraham to take Sarah. Sarah was beautiful even up to their old age - such beauty a king will take interest in her. Abraham and Sarah decides on saying half truth about Sarah being Abraham's sister (she was his half sister - fathered by same person but with different mothers ) and this made Abimelech decide to take Sarah as his wife. Of course God wouldn't accept that and makes it known to the king who finally learns his lesson. Sarah finally is able to conceive and gives birth to Isaac in her old age.

 

That said, here are a few relationship and marriage lessons from the life and marriage of Abraham and Sarah.

Lessons from Abraham and Sarah

1. Marriage is not a Bed of Roses

There are times where disagreements, arguments, fights and different things will come up. At that point it is important to remember that your partner is your team member and not your enermy and work together to make things work.

 

2. Abraham and Sarah worked together. 

We see that in the story that involves the king. It wasn't a good thing to lie but it shows their level of understanding with each other (although you grow in understanding and love)

 

3. It is important to know God's thoughts about a particular situation concerning your relationship and your marriage individually and collectively as it helps to stand firm and hold unto something when all hope is lost.

 

4. Abraham always consoled Sarah, helping her understand that the Creator has plans and that  whatever He says comes to pass.

How to Journey With God In Your Relationship

By wisdom, individuals must learn that courtship is the relationship between believers - a male and a female with the intent of getting married. Wrongship on the other hand is the relationship with an unbeliever.

The best way to begin your journey with God in your relationship is to buy God a Gift. This is to appreciate him for bringing you both together. You can both ask God what He wants. It's simple and He will tell you if you ask.

You should also mark your Relationship. Let there be a token, something notable to mark the beginning of the relationship. I bought my wife back then, a Pink Bible. It was a sign I agreed to give her a Godly experience in the Relationship and  have the Bible as our final authority.

5. Learn Accountability

You must be accountable to someone who should most likely be a mentor you both respect. This is very important as it gives the relationship directions. Relationship is not a secret cult. I feel it's not right to go into a relationship with your pastor not involved. It shows a lack of divine order. We (my wife and I) made up our mind that "if I touch you in this Relationship gbam, we are both free to report to our mentor." Our mentor also once gave my wife an assignment on love, thank God she did it - for 3 years of marriage no fight no arguments.

6. Ask Sincere Questions

You may ask something like "How do you want me to love you?" Jesus himself asked people what they wanted from him. He never assumed and likewise, you should not assume. Asking sincere questions like this will give understanding. I know what my wife wants. Her ear ring may be small. I know her best author. I know she likes some food. I know her best colour. I know she sleeps early. This is called understanding.

6. Understand Fruits of the Spirit

What is your spouse's Dominant Fruit of  the spirit? Abraham's faith, Sarah's meekness or Abigail's peace? You need to find this out. People see love through the dominant fruit of the spirit. For me it's Joy, I just want to be happy. My wife's Peace.

7. Learn the conduct of Royalty

Every kingdom has different conducts. God would have taught these things to every man of purpose. As a man you must be a teacher. You must teach your wife the conduct of your kingdom. Esther was trained before getting married to the king. In some of our churches it might be called foundation school- why we do what we do and how we do it. Adam spoke to Eve about The forbidden fruit. We know it. Submission is submitting to a mission.

8. Joy compass

You need to know what gives your spouse instant joy..you might need to try different name on him/her. Relationship talks makes me happy and my spouse knows the special name that gives me instant joy.

Call your spouse name that touch them deep down. Not just babe..sweetheart.. Honey... God had to change the name of Abram to Abraham. It's allowed in  a covenant Relationship. Also, know that no one must inspire your spouse more than you, nobody on earth.

9. Pray together

If you don't pray together often you will always argue.. You bond with the person you PRAY WITH...PRAY FOR...PRAY TO (GOD).

10. Schedule Fun

If you don't schedule fun, it might not happen, so Schedule Prayer and Schedule Fun.

Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.It will bond your hearts.

Muyiwa Adigun, the popular host of the Muyiwa Adigun Show is a compere, folk musician and an actor. I'm a unique artiste with so many sides but putting my song "Pelumi" into a stage play has given me the platform to give everything I do to my fans on one stage.

 

This article was adapted from the teaching by Mr. Muyiwa Adigun (Director of the popular stage play PELUMI) on the day of the launch of Two Become One- 30th of December, 2018.

 

The Stages in a Relationship

For many people, love often only revolves around romance, and many other simple looking things but in reality, it doesn't end there. A true love relationship takes time to bloom and it takes two to tango. As wild and unpredictable as love can be it is one of the most reliable forces that drives humans everyday. Recognising which stage you are in your relationship can be very helpful to slow down and analyse any aspect of your relationship- where you are and where you want to be.

To some, a standard relationship has 3 stages, while to others relationship has 5 stages, some even say 6 while some say 8. However, all of them have in common the three (3) major stages which are: The Honeymoon, The Crisis and Blissful Love. The reason why just the 3 stages are not always discussed alone is because inbetween those three (3) major stages, there are other things that happen. 

In this post, we will be discussing 5 stages in a relationship.

Initial Attraction and Chase

This is the first stage of every relationship. In this stage one or both of the individuals find each other very attractive. They begin to notice the shape of their eyes, the begin to notice the way each other walks, the way they talk or smile and lots more. The attracted individual begins to talk about the other person with his or her friends and he or she begins to think more about the other person. This stage also comes with the Chase where probably the guy approches the lady to start a relationship with her. This either followed by a positive answer or negative one depending on if the other person is interested in being in a relationship at that time or with that person.

This stage is filled with fun and flirtatious moments and intentional late night talks.

2. The Honeymoon

This is the stage where all you want to do is to always be with the other person. You feel like you cannot survive a moment without them and you really don't care about each other's fault. All you want to do is be in each other's company and have fun. According to scientist natural chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, phenylethylamine, norepinephrine, are secreted in the brain and all what these chemicals do is to make couples to want to stay together, be sexually connected (not safe), to a level where they start to think about starting a family together. Couples really have to take things slow in this stage because they are not totally in their right mind. Most Hollywood movies show this stage to be the peak of a relationship whereas, it's just the start. The reduction in the hormones being secreted leads to the couple having  doubting thoughts about each other, leading to the next stage. 

3. The Crisis

Reality begins to set in and both partners begin to see each other for who they are. They begin to notice their differences and flaws in this stage. Their differences either tear them apart or bring them closer together. This stage requires a lot of work. Couples either make it or break it depending on how they choose to solve the problems. To be in a safe relationship couples must reach a compromise and choose to communicate effectively. This might include them trying new things together, taking a walk, spending more time together to listen and communicate well so that both individuals can take note of each others needs and try to meet them. 

4. Stability and Commitment

 where both parties already know how to work through their differences without trying to control or change each other instead they try to respect each other's boundaries and make each other feel safe  whether or not they're together. This leads to both partners commiting to each other. At this stage most couples start to think about getting engaged or getting married. They have learnt to get along with each other without getting bossy or yelling at each other. At this stage both partners have learnt to put each other first when they are planning anything. They also choose to listen to each others views about a particular topic even when they know what to do. This makes them feel safe with each other. 

Blissful Love

The best way to keep a relationship is for both individuals to make sure that they keep the relationship till the last stage. This final stage is like the ultimate price or reward of a relationship that one can get. The blissful love stage happens to be not only the last stage but a stage that occurs for life. Here both partners are at the point where people say they have TRUE LOVE. They have experienced life, sadness, joy, pain, hurt and they have been able to work through everything together. In this stage couples not only want to spend their time together but they have allowed their love to flow into other parts of their life where they start a project together volunteer, pick up hobbies to do together. Some couples might choose to help other couples grow using their experience.

Note: These stages do not occur in the same sequence for all couples while for some they have to revisit some stages for better growth and deeper love. The importance of knowing the stages is to help you and your partner know how to stand together as a team having it in mind that you are heading to the last stage.

Managing Exes in Your Relationship

Today’s blog is all about managing exes in your relationship. It is really annoying to have people form your past bring back memories that you have taken your all to put behind you. When you have a partner, who has his or her ex coming back to be unnecessarily friendly with your partner, it could raise a lot of dust in your relationship and can cause even you to become an ex if the issue cannot be solved.

When we talk about exes, there is a need to know what caused the break up in the first place: it could’ve been that the previous relationship was toxic or both partners decided breakup the relationship on a mutual base. It might have been due to genotype issues or family issues. Whatever it maybe, there is a need to know what caused the breakup. When we know what the problem was, we would know how to handle the ex.

Even in this age, we have people who think having an ex is bad, but the truth is that is not bad. Having an ex or exes doesn’t make you the worst person on earth, maybe luck hasn’t been on your side. Never judge a person by the number of people they have been in a relationship with.

Things happen in different relationships that cause break up, but it is good to make sure that the break up is a sharp one; it has to be in clear terms so both parties will be sure that there’s hardly any chance of getting back together especially if one of them is in another relationship. So, if there’s any case of lingering feelings coming back to the surface, you have something to hold on to as a reason for the break up. This is good to avoid further break up on both sides 

 Most people have the wrong notion about exes and this makes them feel like it is a bad thing to ever be in touch with their exes. Being friends with your ex if you left on good terms is good. In cases where the previous relationship was broken up because of physical abuse, it is best to keep away from the each other. That is best so that both parties will keep safe emotionally, psychologically, physically and in all other part of their life. In cases where the abuser will not agree to respect the other person, it will be good to set clear boundaries with the person.

In cases whereby you have moved on, and started a new relationship, it is good and fair to make sure that your new partner knows all about your past. if you have an ex coming back your present partner should know about it. So, the two of you can find the best way to handle it together. If there are cases where by you and your ex had children, or in case of lingering feelings coming to the surface, it is best that you don’t hide it from the person you are looking to date  so they can tell if they can handle it or not. It is best that your present partner or the person you are looking to dating should be someone you can open up to freely and be sure that the two of you can handle the situation maturely. 

In cases where you feel like you cannot tell your partner about your ex and things that happened between you two, you can tell your mentor or coach or someone that can give you a good advice. 

You and your partner should also have a mentor or a coach that you can discuss these things with and you get good advice if you’re not sure you can trust your partner to handle it maturely.

Every person entering into a relationship comes with a bag pack full of their past experiences, fears, hurts and expectations for the future. Patience and effective communication in needed to be able to work on a lot of things together and build a relationship that both partners appreciate. 

See also: Tips for effective communication

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Couple's Gist

How to Know if he or she is the one for You

One of the reasons why some people have not given love a chance is because of the fear of getting into the wrong hands. I am sure you know that one person who has been indifferent relationships but they all ended broken. This happened even when they decided to be serious with their love life and now they go up and down saying to the universe that there is no such thing as true love and thinking to themself that true love only exists in Disney movies.

We shouldn't blame them because we were never in their shoes nor did we experience with them the hurt they went through. They must have hoped and prayed relationship after relationship that the person they were with at the moment was the one for them, their 'last bus stop'. They must have had the happy ones that made them think that all was fine and this time they are doing everything well. But in the blink of an eye, their love wall of Jericho began to crumble again until it fell not to be rebuilt.

If you know this person or people like this and they hold a place in your heart I would say that you share with them today's post. If you are the one just stay with me because today I am going to be letting you know one of the important ways that you would know if the person you are going out with is the one for you. We will be talking about various other points for about a couple of weeks ahead so stay with me as I said.

You are already in this relationship or you are planning to start again but a part of you is scared that this one might go wrong again. Here is one simple way you can know if that person is worth your precious love, time, and attention.

 

"How You Feel with Him or Her."

Most of the time we tend to look at who the person is, what the person does, where the person is in life, what's the person can or cannot do, what drives the person, while we forget to think about how we feel when we are with the person. You will agree with me that with some people you definitely cannot show your true self. When you are with them you are more or less holding your breath. You try to be who you are not and try to laugh at their dry jokes and you do all this hoping that things will get better along the line, that there will be a balance between you both, forgetting that holding your breath for too long would exhaust you.

When you are with that person and you have to become an amoeba that changes shape along with the person's emotions. You definitely can tell that this is not you that will be with your friends or just a random stranger that you just met. My darling, I am sorry to tell you this, but that gentleman or lady is not the one for you.

You need to always be with that person that sees you for who you are and allows you to be the best you can be. Someone that helps you recognize your weakness and strength and help you put them to maximum use. That person that you can be your goofy self with,  laugh with, joke with, pull light pranks on, and have fun with. That person is the one that will make you feel the best you can. Someone that makes you forget the spelling of Pretense.

If you are with that person right now or you are planning to be with that person who may still be in the friend zone right now, I can tell you that you can give it a shot now. All things being equal, should lead to greatness.

 

Conclusion

This is not the only way but one of the best ways to know if he or she is the one for you. It is a very important one at that. 

 

In the last post on how to know if that person is or is not for you, in that post, we discussed paying attention to how he or she makes you feel when you are together or when their thoughts crosses your mind. Most of the time we neglect this part all in the name of “love is blind” or “she would change overtime” but the truth is the moment you  start faking the real you, pay attention, because it is a big red flag.

Although, it is important to pay attention to the way you feel around that person it is also important that you know that this is not the only way to know if that is the person you are supposed to be with. So, today we will be talking about another important thing we need to pay attention to.

 

We are not asking you to be selfish right now. However, you must know that before anyone, it has to be you first, because this process is about you checking if you are compatible with this person and this takes me to the next question.

 

Do Your Values Align?

We were all raised in different environment and under different conditions so you do not expect you and that person to be 100% on the same page. Do not get me wrong it can seem like you and that person you just met a totally on the same page in your first or second even up to the fifth time of meeting and having conversations but you will soon start to realize that even though you love the same football team, you like to eat the same snack, you both like to work in a quiet environment, or maybe you are both indifferent about the kind of environment you carry out your task. There are still some things that you both do not have in common. This thing might not be in form of habits they might be those precious things you take as your core values.

Take for instance you are a lover of God and you cherish having about an hour to listen to God in meditation but due to the environment this new person that you like was brought up, he or she just believes there is a God somewhere that we pray to and that is basically it. This person prays when he wills and attends church on Sundays. You will agree with me that on the spiritual level you are not on the same page.

First things first, I need you not to look at the person as bad because we are a result of our environment. Maybe he or she didn’t have the opportunity you had or due to some things life as fashioned another pattern in the person. Until you are in that person’s shoe do not blame him or her. At the same time you should not just look over something as important as that.

I will not tell you to leave the person or cut all relationship with the person but I would advise that you don’t take an important step as starting a relationship with that person you can start out on a mutual base where you become a friend to the person and from there you discuss more about God do your thing and let the person see you do those things that matter to you.

 

Take note of this ‘do not force your values on someone else. As much as you want a future with that person, do not pressurize him or her into being who he or she is not rather, be the example, the change you want to see and let him or her change at will.’

This act will not only help you to know if you are supposed to proceed into a relationship with this person, it will also help you to see the person on a better level and by doing this you get to know if the person is progressive and ready to learn.

When you take this kind of step, two things can happen, either the person will withdraw from you or the person begins to see reasons in what you do and he or she begins to do these things consciously or unconsciously- which is a good one but I would like to point out that even after the person begins to do those things or begin to see reasons why they should cherish those things that of value to you do not be quick to act because some people can pretend as if they care. So, you really want to be sure that is what it is.

With all these said I would suggest that in all you do, “do unto others what you want them to do to you” So as much as you want to look into the person’s value and how it aligns with yours don't forget to also open yourself to the good values they have so that things can actually balance up.

 

Last week, I really had to let us talk about You and the important role you have to play in the whole relationship process. I must confess it was a great one. Today we are talking about another important way to know if that person is the one for you. 

 

I am sure that you have been with different people at different stages of your life, male and female alike. You have made friends and grown relationships with family members,  some stronger than others,  some are long lost and some are just growing. One thing that is peculiar to all of these relationships is that there was a reason or a season in life that brought you together with these people. 

There are many reasons for you being in a relationship with those friends of yours, but in a more intimate relationship, there is a little difference.

Now is the time to introduce today’s pointer.  Drum roll… 

Do you love him or her for a particular reason? 

Loving (just) because 

It is no longer news that there are a lot of people who love their partner just because he or she is nice enough to share what he has with them.  For some, it is more about their partner’s physical appearance, because she is short (arm rest height) & cute and you think that’s the best reason to love her or start a relationship with her.

Most people just look for the benefits they can or would derive from the relationship,  which should not be. 

We should always have it at the back of our minds that being in a relationship requires a good amount  of selflessness. Can you say you love the person without a reason? 

We should always remember that beauty fades, everyday is not Christmas so when you are looking into starting a relationship with someone, you need to look deeper and look past physical appearances, material gain, monetary gain and pleasure. These things should not be crossed off the list of what you should look for in a person but it should not be the basis of your choosing them.

You should look for other attributes that are more defining about the individual,  is he or she kind, patient,  understanding, progressive and ready to grow and learn,  does your value align? 

 

Do you see a future with him or her (this is a whole post you should wait for). This will help you get a better view at who the person is and you will be able to tell, to a certain extent, if you should start a relationship with him or her. 

I know that you’re a smart and intelligent person, that’s why I’m always eager to come join you at this table to talk about things as important as these. I hope that you have been able to understand that there is more to starting a relationship journey with someone than the peripheral gains.

Always remember, I love you and I can’t wait to join you here again next week to discuss more important things, love, laugh, smile, learn, munch our cookies or popcorn, sip our juice or tea or whatever it may be that you enjoy reading with. 

 

Hello love how are you today?

I hope you have been doing fine.Writing to you today again brings so much joy to my heart and smile to my face, having this little chat with you means so much to me and I hope it does for you too.

Today, we move to the last part of our How to Know If He or She is the one for you series.

It is so funny the way people go into relationship just for the fun of it these days. You see two people together who just want to while away time- how fun is that?

You see that person and you clearly know that there are no chances of you both ending up together as a married couple but you still choose to waste that time investing in what is not going to last- how interesting.

 Lolonyo is not just the community that helps you love but helps you to learn how to love yourself, how to love your partner and how to love others in a godly way. If that is the case let us then take a look at what it means to be in a Godly relationship. If you are with that person and you are considering being with him or her I would like to ask you- with the habits, behaviors and attitudes the person has do you see yourself being with the person at the long run? This is a very important question to ask, because God wants us to make maximum use of our singleness and not spend that time with the person you clearly see no future with probably because of the fun of it or because of the pleasure, money and material things you get from them. 

This question is one that people push over saying “we never can tell if we would end up marrying the person” A lot of people say things happen and no one knows tomorrow but the truth is that you should be with the person that you can see a future with.

If you don’t see a future with that person there’s no point starting a relationship with him or her because not only will you be wasting your time you would also be pouring your energy and resources into the wrong person all to end it after a while.

God intends for us to be in a purposeful relationship. His will is for us to come together not only to love on each other but also to look into the future together, to work on achieving our life purpose and building a kingdom family. 

if you do not see yourself becoming a better version of yourself, you don’t see yourself fulfilling your life purpose with that person, you don’t see yourself parenting with that person then there is no point setting yourself up for the pain.

Taking a stroll back to the beginning of this series:

In part 1 we discussed paying attention to how you feel when you are with the person.

Check: How To Know if He or She is the One For You (Part 1). 

In Part 2 we discussed about value alignment with the person.

Check: How To Know if He or She is the One For You (Part 2)

In part 3 we discussed loving without reason.

Check: How To Know if He or She is the One for You.

Here we are in the last part talking about seeing a future with that person and this is where we end this series.

Disclaimer: in choosing who to be with, there are more things to consider but for the purpose of this series, we will be stopping here.

I hope you were able to learn from this series and I do hope that with this few pointers you would be able to choose the right person.

I would also be glad if you can share with the community more points on how to know if that person is the one for you. Thank you.

Remember, love is beautiful and I love you. 

7 Pointers for a Healthy Relationship

There are different forms of red flags in a relationship. These red flags simply mean different things that should not be found in a relationship, and in this post we will be talking about the green light of healthy relationship, these green lights are things or activities that should be found in a relationship, so if you are in a relationship and you and your partner have all these things going on, you can say your relationship is a healthy one. 

 

After carrying out a research on what people think a healthy relationship should look like, the result shows that most people know what a healthy relationship should look like. Here are a few things that should be found in healthy relationship. 

Respect

It will be a sign of disrespect to yourself if you are in a relationship where you cannot respect your partner, and Respect isn’t about controlling someone or making them do what you want them to do. Respect is actually about the freedom to be yourself and to be loved for who you are.

If this is found in your relationship, then you can say it is healthy. 

Communication

Heartfelt Communication is the heart of every relationship, it is very essential in our relationship and no matter how well you know your partner and love them,  communication is still needed, it can never be too much. Communication can never be perfect at all times but, couples should try to have healthy communication everytime in this way, they will be able to understand each other better. In relationships, communication allows to you explain to someone else what you are experiencing and what your needs are. If in your relationship, you and your partner find it easy to communicate, freely and openly, then that is a green light for a healthy relationship. 

Accountability

According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, accountability is an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions. In a healthy relationship couples are accountable to each other for every part of their lives and this builds more intimacy and trust it also helps couples to know each other more and recognise problems they have in their relationships so that they can solve them together, if in your relationship accountability is something you do, it is not a sign of weakness, it is a strength that should be built upon and that is a green light.

Honesty

There is a popular saying that "Honesty is the best policy" they say. Honesty is also essential in every relationship because a relationship built on dishonesty and lies will surely lead to a breakup. There is a great need for couples to be honest in dealing with each other this will help them to know each other for who they are and save them the stress of being sad in their relationship or having issues they could have talked about and solved.

Support

People tend to do well in whatever it is they are doing when they find supporters and cheerleaders that is why in every football game or any athletic match there are going to be people to support the players. It is the same for relationships,  a healthy relationship should have its partners supporting each other and helping each other grow in all aspects of their lives because when your partner supports you in all you do you would find joy in doing whatever it is you are doing. So if in your relationship you and your partner support each other that is a green light.

Compromise

Unlike sacrifice, compromise is a mutual activity that involves couples finding a problem in their lives and helping each other to solve those problems it is essential that both couples are helping each other. This is essential in a relationship because both parties will not only help each other, but get to know each other while adding value to themselves and their partner.

Peace

A healthy relationship should be a peaceful relationship where each partner understands and respects the do's and don'ts of the other. 

Conclusion

Your relationship can be healthy if you want it to be. Just as it is with our bodies, you can take preventive measures to help your relationship stay healthy at all times

 

Why Am I Here?

Have you ever found yourself eating the least kind of meal with your family in this part of the world? I mean Garri, without sugar, groundnut or any additional condiments? But in your own little world, you are eating a full course meal on the same table with great men?

I know only a few might be able to relate with this illustration, but that is who I am. At the hardest moments and in the lowest places without my desired lifestyle, I still see myself living my dreams life and achieving my goals and not allowing my present situation stand in my way.

This ability has propelled me to look deeper for a reason to live, and not just live but live a purpose filled life. In the search for my life’s purpose, I have come to discover what I live for. This is what has brought me to the blogging community.

I help individuals that are single, dating or married to live a life of purpose in line with this-know the basic steps to choosing the right life partner for them. That makes me a life and relationship coach. On this page, we will discuss how to live a happy life with the right partner. We would also discuss different topics on relationship.

Guys, because we are talking about love we will be making this page our love tribe and I came up with a name for the tribe that I think you all will really like LOLONYA meaning “love is beautiful”. This is a name I chose because underneath the pains and struggles in a relationship, we find its beauty.

I would drop contents on this tribe twice in a week and I hope to see you often to learn more on how to live a happy life with the right partner.

5 Tips on How to Survive a Relationship Breakup

It is so amusing how the term Breakup has been gradually replaced with Breakfast, especially in this part of the world. For the sake of our diverse readers, we will stick to the original term which is Breakup.

Many times when most people experience a breakup, it seems like the end of the world, especially in cases where they truly loved their partner. In most cases, ladies tend to cry while men stay sober and maybe drink so that they don’t feel the hurt, but the truth is that the hurt and pain still come back, bigger and harder. Most of the time, people tend to shut others out of their life and just remain on their own to feel the pain of breaking up.

While some people try to stay sober or drink or shut people out, some other people try to suppress the hurt that they feel and pretend as if nothing happened. One might think that is the best solution, but it is one of the worse things to do- not allowing yourself to feel the hurt of a breakup. Different people with different ways of dealing with their pains and hurt but in this post, I will be giving 5 tips on how to survive a breakup well and good.

Allow Yourself to Feel the Hurt but Not for Long 

It is very normal to think of our past relationship or ex even after your breakup with them and thoughts like this always come back, especially at times you are just on your own or you see the things or go to places where you both have been to. It is not wrong that after your breakup with your partner, you feel pained and sad. The pain will even be harder for someone who already has big plans and loads of expectations for the relationship and from their partner. But like I mentioned above, it is not good to try to push aside the pain and behave as if no shit just happened in your life. In the long run, things might keep getting out of hand. It is good to feel the pain, and cry if you need to. It is good to let out your emotions and not suppress them. As good as it is to let out your emotions, it is best not to allow yourself to spend forever in the past. The relationship is gone, and now in the past, so it is best to let it be, and move on. Hard as this may seem, it is one of the best ways to survive a relationship breakup. Feel the pain but know when to cut it off.

Focus on You

Breakups are so hard that they may want to take everything from you. Break up is ready to strip you of any strength you think you possess but the best thing to do at this time is to make yourself the priority. This is a very good time to not only focus on yourself but also pick up new hobbies, take yourself on a picnic, travel to new places if you can afford it, set new goals for yourself, exercise, take a course, volunteer, just have fun. While having fun and enjoying life the best way you can, make sure that you remind yourself of who you are, and say nice and positive things about yourself. Speaking words of affirmation to yourself, words that tell you how much you are loved will help you pull through the tough moments after a relationship breakup. As much as this is a time to have all the ‘me time’, all the fun, and discover new things about yourself, this isn’t the right time to jump into a new relationship. It is best to give yourself ample time to recover and heal from the breakup and all the insecurities and fear that might have come with it. Most people drag themselves into the same cycle of breakup over and over again because they feel lost and broken as an individual and I feel like having a partner or being in a relationship will heal them. Give your inner man the time to catch up on the fun things that could not be done when you had your ex in your life.

Reach out to Family and Friends

As much as this is the time to focus on you, it is also a good time to bond with your friends and family members, have all the time you can with them, and catch up on things that you couldn’t do while you were in that previous relationship.  During this time, have fun and go out with your friends, attend family functions, and spend time with your parents, siblings, and other extended family members. Help out and be useful. By doing this, you might be making them smile, thereby, making yourself happy too. Also, when you spend time with your friends and family, they help you to get over this period of pain by showing you love and care and letting you know that you are not alone. Bond!

Learn from Your Experience

After a breakup, it is good to let the past dwell in the past, but also better to learn from your past mistakes. Something that you and your ex did or didn’t do might have led to the breakup. It is better to use this to your advantage so that such mistakes will not repeat themselves in your future relationship. You can achieve this through the power of questioning. How to do this is to ask yourself a series of questions that will help you look deep into how you played your role and how your partner played his or her role and where it all went wrong. Sometimes, doing this alone might be hard as it will open up memories of the relationship hence, you should do this with the help of a therapist, coach, or counselor. They will be able to help you better trace the happenings in your life and past relationships and join the dot till you can make sense of it. In this way, you will also be able to heal from the hurt and insecurities that came out of the relationship with you. This will also help you to know how to be a better partner in your new relationship.

Move on 

n the process of trying to get over your breakup, different memories will surely come to mind. It might come from you seeing pictures of the person, you going somewhere that you have been with the person, or just seeing the person pass. Different things can spring up the thought of the person even silence. When these memories flash through your mind, you might be tempted to start stalking them on their social media account or stalking the person physically. You might even find yourself wanting to force yourself on them and this isn’t a good one to do. In other to get over these feelings, it is better to make sure that you constantly remind yourself why that relationship was no more conducive for you both and you must try to wave all the memories of the person when they come up in your mind. Although it is good to be on good terms with your ex, (depending on what caused the breakup) if you think seeing them will make things worse for you, it is better to unfollow them on your social media account and try to get rid of things that might remind you of them pending the time that you are trying to get hold of yourself.

 

Conclusion

Getting over a breakup isn’t a very easy thing to do, but it is a very good thing to do to avoid more of it repeating itself. Pay attention to yourself and your growth at this moment,  make sure that you trace the dots and observe the patterns so that you won’t have to make the same mistake time and time again.